While I was on my way to take care of my grandson this morning, I passed by many of the students waiting for the bus. What I saw was every single student bent over their phone completely absorbed with the machine in their hands and not at all interested in each other.

Several things came to mind. First, I thought how sad it is that we would rather interact with a machine than with each other. Second, I wondered how many people had to go to the doctor because of neck issues after hanging their heads over the phone. Third, I thought about how our phones have become so important to us. We can do everything on our phones, including reading, communicating, making money, navigating, and much more. Right now, I am monitoring an application that shows my grandson taking a nap. My fourth thought was were we manipulated into needing our phones? I think the answer is yes, and the reason, of course, it allows people to make money from our addiction. I would love to think the tech companies are only trying to make our lives easier, but I think the reasons are more nefarious. So how did we not notice that we were becoming so dependent on our phones? I think the answer is that it was a gradual process, and we saw each new addition as a positive improvement. We started by using the phones as a great way to connect in emergencies, then all sorts of applications and games were available, and now, cell phones are money makers for many. Have you ever looked up something on Google and suddenly that product pops up everywhere?

I agree that cell phones are helpful in so many ways, but I hope we all operate them with some boundaries. These are only some suggestions that might work to help us stay more connected with each other than we are with our phones.

· Have some times when phones are put away.

· Have meals without phones.

· Monitor your child’s usage.

· Turn your phone off at night.

· Limit time on social media.

I have two cats and I always look at them and notice that they seem to have life figured out. They are always purring, taking luxurious baths, and eating whenever they decide to walk that far. They know how to be happy, so here is my cat’s recipe for happiness.

Find a spot in the sun

I smile every sunny morning when I walk through our dining room and see both cats and dog stretched out in the spot where the sun is shining. They look so relaxed and comfortable. Spend more time in that spot in your house where you are the most comfortable.

Don’t let too much ruffle your fur

We have a cat named Lowkey who doesn’t let much bother him unless his food bowl is empty. We can choose not to engage in drama.

Food is very important

My animals live to eat. I made the mistake of giving the cats some cat treats and now they are addicted. Every time I go towards the area where the bag is, the commotion begins. Food can make so many things seem better.

Friends are important

Lowkey is fairly rotund and cannot always reach his back during his bath. He and the dog take turns grooming each other.

Find the best places for naps

We have several very comfy couches with soft, warm blankets. The cats have convinced me several times to curl up with them wherever they have chosen to snooze. We need our rest to really enjoy life.

Safety first

Exploring is fun, but when a new dog comes into the yard, it’s best to retreat to safety.

Love unconditionally

The minute I sit down, the animals come to join me. They want my attention and to express their love

I have been thinking a lot about mental health lately and methods to improve it. One of the things I think can benefit most people is to have conversations with animals. When I come home, I love how our animals rush to greet us as if they are so glad to see us, and in a society where everyone seems so distracted, it is nice to have a pet who is willing to listen to anything you have to say. Here are a few reasons why it benefits us to have conversations with our pets.

In the article, 8 Health Benefits of Having a Pet by The Animal Health Foundation, they state that cortisol is a hormone activated by stress, and studies have found that being around animals can decrease cortisol levels.

The National Institute of Mental Health recommends animal-assisted therapy as a treatment for depression.

Talking helps us feel socially connected. Our animals provide social support because we can talk to them.

Our pets don’t mind listening to our problems, and sometimes all we need to do is talk it out. Talking to our pets allows us to release the problem.

They never judge us. No matter what we tell them they will offer unconditional love.

Being able to talk to our animals helps us fight loneliness. Jayne O’Donnell writes that loneliness is as dangerous to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day according to research done by Mars Petcare.

Our pets love the attention we give them when we are talking with them, so we don’t worry about talking too much, or saying the wrong thing.

These are a few reasons why it’s healthy for us to talk to our pets, so go ahead and start a great conversation that will benefit both you and your pet.

We all have opinions about how things should be done, and what is the best path to take in many situations. People often want to offer advice on what they think will help you, so what are the best and worse pieces of advice you have heard? I will share a few that I have heard, and I hope you can relate.

#1 Rest is important to good health

I know this is true, but I do not rest well, mostly because there are so many fun things to do. When I was teaching, I didn’t rest enough because there were so many things, I had to do to fulfill my responsibilities. I used to hate it when someone would tell me I needed to slow down and let something go. My first question was, “What do I let go of? These are all things I have to do.” I agree though that finding some time to recharge is important.

#2 Don’t talk to strangers

This makes sense to me on a safety level, but I am so fascinated by people that I talk to everyone. I was reading my list of advice to my daughter, and when I came to this one, she said, “You definitely don’t follow that one!”

#3 Show up fully

Many of us get stuck thinking about the past or worried about the future when we should be fully present in each moment. Put aside the distractions and focus on making important memories with friends and family.

#4 Don’t judge a book by its cover

Most of my friends know my greatest example of this. A student strutted into my class on the first day of class and immediately started to play the clown. My first thought was that this student was going to be a challenge. He turned out to be a fantastic blessing, and fifteen years later he calls me mom, and I call him my son. Your first impression might not be correct, so dig deeper before you think you know someone.

#5 Don’t be late

Being late is disrespectful. It is saying that you don’t respect other people’s time or don’t think it is important to show up.

#6 Be the best version of yourself, not someone else’s version

No one is perfect, but you can be the best version that you can be. You have to form your identity on your terms, not according to what someone else thinks you should be.

#7 You appreciate what was difficult to achieve more than what comes easily to you.

When you accomplish something, it means more to you if you have to work harder for it.

#8 Treat others the way you want to be treated

I could also title this don’t be a hater. If we could treat each other with more respect and kindness, relationships would be easier.

#9 Keep learning

Don’t ever imagine that you have learned enough. The world is a fascinating place, and there are so many interesting things to learn from each other. Learning new things stimulates the brain.

# 10 Believe you can, and you will believe you can’t and you won’t

Half the battle in being successful is whether you believe you can. If you don’t believe you can, you have already defeated yourself.  

#11 Listen fully

Most of the time, we are waiting for a chance to interrupt and add our own story instead of really listening. We can learn more if we learn to focus.

#12 Don’t give up

Life can be difficult for everyone, but better moments could be right around the corner. Learn resilience and keep finding ways to come back stronger.

#13 Don’t listen when others diminish your dream

Even if family and friends think your dreams are a stretch, you need to chase your passions.

# 14 You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches. (Dita Von Teese) Don’t let the haters knock you down.

#15 Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.

Know your worth, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t recognize it.

#16 Know when you cannot argue with someone

There are moments when your perception of a situation and someone else’s perception of the same situation vary too greatly for any positive discussion.

Attitude can affect so many aspects of our lives. Whether you have a positive or negative attitude about your life can affect your perception of things, and your level of happiness, and your attitude about your self-worth can affect so many parts of your life. Can your attitude affect your health and how you age?

I was at a race today, and because I strained my knee several weeks ago, I had it wrapped up like a mummy so I could run. After the race, a woman started to talk to me and pointing to my knee, she said, “Don’t you find that at a certain age you start to have all kinds of injuries?” I replied that I hadn’t experienced that, but I have to do some things differently like stretching to protect myself from injuries. She then said, “Well yes, but it takes longer to heal.” She was only forty-eight, but I think she wanted me to complain about the aging process and the body. Instead, I said, “I can tell you are a serious runner, so you know that injuries happen, and you just do what you have to in order to heal.” She said, “I know, but some people give up.” That made me reflect on how much our health and fitness level depend on our attitude regardless of our age.  

This quote from the article, Surviving a Running Injury in The Canadian Running magazine sums up the way a runner thinks. “Success as a runner should mean being able to engage and enjoy running in the long term. Short-term setbacks such as injuries should not be considered absolute and having a healthy, flexible, and long-term perspective is critical. Injuries happen, they definitely suck, but they can also be opportunities to learn, grow and improve as a runner.” We see injuries as a temporary setback not the final chapter.

I also believe that if you are always focused on your aches and pains, it affects your health. All that negative energy can be harmful. Try being grateful for any of the positives about your health.

We cannot do anything about the passage of time, but we can keep a positive attitude about staying strong as long as we can.

We all would like to be able to have a large friend group, move in and out of any social group, and be ready with witty conversation in any situation, but many of us are socially awkward, anxious, people pleasers who are afraid of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, or not saying anything at all, and hoping to be as invisible as possible.

There are so many people fighting depression because they don’t fit into the perfect molds that society sets up for us. What if you operate on the edge of what is considered normal? The sad thing is how badly people treat someone who seems different instead of listening to the person or inviting the person into their group for a few minutes.

When my youngest was in high school, her anxiety level was at its highest. She would rather sit in my classroom with her lunch than go into the lunchroom and meet new people. She was sure she would do something to embarrass herself. If you don’t have anxiety, it is hard to imagine how it can paralyze someone, and the anxious person ends up without friends, sitting alone. If you ever see that, at least smile at the person. If you are at work or school, invite them to sit with you at lunch, or take a few minutes to talk with them.

I had a student who kept to herself, hiding under a massive head of hair. I instantly liked her because she was interesting and kind. She also couldn’t hide her brilliance, even under all that hair. One day, she told me she liked to write, and as I asked her questions, her passion for writing spilled out, and she couldn’t stop talking. It only takes showing some interest in someone else. Most of the people who feel like they don’t fit in are amazing, and they are waiting for you to get to know them.

When I was growing up my parents provided very well for us. I never went without a meal or didn’t have clothes. Although I never thought we struggled financially, my parents worked very hard, and they knew how to save money. We lived off our garden for vegetables, I thought it was normal to eat spam a lot, and my mom made many things from scratch. Because our public schools were not the best, my parents decided to send me to the local private schools.

We might not fit in because of anxiety, or not fitting the norm, but it’s also rough when you don’t fit in because you are from a different social class. The town I grew up in is home to many of the rich and famous like Meryl Streep and Whoopi Goldberg. It is a beautiful place, but there are two very distinct social classes, the wealthy, and those who are not. In ninth grade, a girl asked me what my dad did. When I told her she said, “What are you doing here?” That hurt a lot. The unspoken judgments hurt just as much. I couldn’t afford the clothes that many of my classmates had, and I shouldn’t have cared, but I remember wishing I could be more like them.

I was very lucky in high school because although my awkward, quiet self didn’t fit in, the popular girls in my class were very kind. They didn’t want to be friends with me, but they were never hateful. I was even luckier when I met four friends, Doris, Evelyn, Gwen, and Stacy. They saved high school for me and taught me what real friendship is like.

So, the next time you see someone who seems a little awkward, and quiet, be kind instead of hateful. It could mean all the difference.

I don’t think I am the only one who has too much of something and has difficulty eliminating some of it. What do you have too much of, and is there a reason behind that?

I am slightly embarrassed that my closet is what used to be a very small bedroom for my daughter. I wish I could justify how many clothes I have by saying that my daughter visits that closet every day for her clothes, but that probably is not enough of a reason. To make it worse, my daughter said, “Do you think you have so many clothes because you didn’t have much growing up?” Kaitlyn is majoring in psychology, but I have so many clothes because I love thrift store shopping and clothes. It is time though to bag some of the clothes I don’t wear very often and give them to someone who needs them.

I also have a small library of books, but that is because reading is one of my favorite things to do, and I like to read everything. It is hard for me to give books away if they were a great read.

As a writer, I could be writing completely on my computer, but I love the feel of a journal, and I enjoy writing with paper and pen. I have way too many journals, but that is still the first area I go to in a bookstore.

My husband built me a shoe cubby wall in my closet. He was deciding how many spaces to make, and he said, “You don’t have more than 35 shoes, do you?” I responded, “No, of course not.” It turns out I have more than 35 shoes, and many of them are running shoes.

So, if you read my article, I Might Be a Prepper, it seems I might be a hoarder too! I really think I have so many of the things I listed because they all make me happy. Having too much clutter can have more meaning though.

Time Magazine’s article, America’s Clutter problem says this, “Our stuff has taken over. Most household moves outside the U.S. weigh from 2,500 lb. to 7,500 lb. (1,110 kg to 3,400 kg). The average weight of a move in the U.S. is 8,000 lb. (3,600 kg), the weight of a fully grown hippo. An entire industry has emerged to house our extra belongings–self-storage, a $24 billion business so large that every American could fit inside its units simultaneously.

It would be one thing if all our possessions were making us happier, but the opposite seems to be occurring. At least one study shows that a home with too much stuff can lead to higher levels of anxiety.”

Professional organizer, Star Hansen says, “Clutter is an external demonstration of our internal storms”

If the clutter in your home is making you anxious, begin to declutter a little at a time so you are not overwhelmed. You can donate the items you do not use, have a yard sale, or throw it away.

Life is like a garden

Lately, when I am out in the garden, I have noticed how many things that I see there relate to what happens to us in life. Let me tell you what I mean by giving you a list of my observations.

I see ivy that attaches itself to new growth and kills it to support itself. That makes me think of the things or people in our life that hold us back from being the best we can be. We would be better off if we snipped off those vines and became stronger by supporting ourselves.

There is hidden beauty everywhere in the garden, but you have to take the time to look. Sometimes the most beautiful things are hiding under leaves, and we should be observant enough to see them. There is nothing better than finding the perfect strawberry under a leaf, just as it is wonderful to discover the beauty inside of a new friend. I’m always amazed when I swore a minute ago, I didn’t see any cucumbers in the bush, but when I look again there is the perfect one.

Gardening takes patience. Once you plant the seeds, it takes some time for the plants to grow. The same is true for relationships. We have to be patient as we build trust and a connection.

You must pull the weeds just as we need to keep improving, tweaking things in our life so we can continue to grow.

You have to endure the caterpillars to see the butterflies. It’s often the more challenging things that don’t come easily to us that make us appreciate life more.

Take risks. I tried a lot of new things in the garden this summer, and I wasn’t sure if any of them would work, but if they hadn’t, I would have tried something new. We often miss out on doing fun activities because we are afraid, we might fail.

Be open to learning new things. I have limited gardening knowledge, but I ask questions, observe, and I’m not afraid to try something new. I have learned so much from the garden.

Speaking kindly can encourage both people and plants. I can only tell you evidence that I have seen, but I had grown a tomato plant inside from a seed. In June, I brought it out to the garden to replant it, and at first, it was not doing well. I was certain I had killed it, but every day I gave it a pep talk telling it that it could make it, and it looked great. I refused to give up on it, and little by little, it grew stronger. Now, it is huge. I talk to all my plants like that. I joke with my family that if the neighbors behind us ever hear me, they will think I’m crazy. When we speak kindly to each other it makes a difference too.

Some things take longer to grow. Maybe you haven’t realized your dream yet, but that doesn’t mean you won’t.

Sometimes you need extra support to succeed. I am growing watermelons for the first time, and the plants are growing up the walls of the garden so that they have extra support and room. I ask for help all the time, and I never think asking for support is a sign of weakness. It’s finding what you need to be the best you can be.    

There are certain questions that are either too personal or can be perceived as hateful although, it is usually a case of overactive curiosity. I am going to list some of the questions that I have been asked or that I have heard someone asking, and I am doing it for two reasons. I hope the people who regularly ask questions like this might think twice before asking them again because these questions are not only an invasion of privacy, but they can also hurt someone’s feelings. The other reason is for the people who have been asked these questions. I hope you will realize you are not the only one who has been asked any of these, and that it is ok the next time someone asks you to calmly tell them that you consider that a private matter. It also helps to keep a sense of humor about it. I will tell you two stories at the end to illustrate my point.

Why don’t you have children, or when are you going to have children?

I know this one doesn’t need much explanation about why you never should ask this but imagine if the couple cannot have children. Be sensitive to the situation.

Are you pregnant?

I know most people would put this at the top of the list of questions not to ask, but it still happens. I was in a store last week and an older woman asked a younger woman if she was pregnant. The young lady said, “No, this is just from Covid. The older woman said, “Well you look very healthy.” She then scampered away.

Are you tired today?

This translates to “You really look awful. Are you o.k.?”

How old are you?

There are plenty of times when this is an appropriate question, but when you are asking it in disbelief, as if you cannot believe someone a certain age would do that, then it becomes hateful.

Was your child an accident or were you an accident?

I had my youngest when I was forty-three and she was not an accident, but she had a classmate ask her if she was, and I have had several adults ask me. One even followed that question with did I have her with the same husband.

You’re retired? What do you do all day?

I’m busier now than when I worked full time. There are so many more interests and activities to do besides work, so don’t assume all retirees are sitting around eating bon-bons.

You’re not still working, are you?

If this doesn’t make you feel as old as dirt, nothing will.

Are you anorexic?

My oldest was very tall and skinny growing up. Besides being called chicken legs, she was also asked frequently if she had an eating disorder.

Wow, how many kids do you have?

I have heard this many times, and I always wonder why someone else thinks her ideal family size has to fit someone else.

Where do you have your work done (plastic surgery)?

I cannot even imagine asking this question.

What are you wearing?

This one must be asked with the sense that you made a bad fashion choice. A student asked me this once, and then turned to the class and said, “I haven’t worn a dress like that since I was nine.” I was mortified.

There are more, but I’ll stop the list there, and leave you with two stories. These stories are not really about questions, but they both are about saying something unkind, and not even realizing that what is being said is inappropriate. I hope we all work a little more on having a filter that tells us not to say certain things.

Story #1

We were at breakfast and had just been given our coffees. I am allergic to hazelnut and that was the only type of creamer in the bowl. My husband asked the waitress, “Do you think we could have some plain creamer?” She replied, “Oh sure, my parents are old too. They don’t like the fancy creamers either”

Story #2

My friend Sally and I were looking at the placement monitor at a race. A young woman next to me didn’t understand how to read it, so I explained it to her, and then turned to Sally and said I loved the song that was playing. The young woman said, “You love this song?” I said, “Yes, don’t you?” She said, “I love this song.” I asked, “Then why did you ask me if I liked it like I was weird?” She paused and then said, “I find that as I get older, I like younger songs too.” At that point Sally said, “Oh, look at the monitor, both of the old ladies beat you!”

Ask kind questions.

As I went around and around the mile loop at my last ultra-marathon. I thought of all the reasons I love this type of race. I know when you tell someone that an ultra is anything more than 26.2 miles the person will look at you as if you have lost your mind, and I thought the same thing before I tried one. Here are a few reasons why they are my favorite races.

The type of people

I’m not sure if it’s because of the endorphins, or because doing something slightly crazy makes you happy, but most runners are extremely nice people. The veteran runners help the new runners, and I always come away having learned something new. The ultra-runners are friendly, and you tend to see a lot of the same people, so many friendships are made.

All our welcome

If you think you are not fit enough to go to an ultra race you are wrong because all sizes, shapes, ages, and fitness levels will be there, and no one will judge you. Showing up is what counts.

Inspiration

I enjoy speaking with other runners because I quickly realize that any small complaint I have is minuscule compared to what some people have suffered physically. No matter what they have as challenges, they still show up to races.

Motivation

You will see many people who have made fitness a top priority. I always leave these races thinking I have to train a little harder.

Beautiful scenery

Most of the races are in the woods or a park, so you have beautiful scenery to watch during the whole race. Make sure to watch the trail though so you don’t twist your ankle on the side of the trail like I did because I was fascinated by the obstacle course to the side of the trail.

Testing the limits

Ultras give you a chance to see how much your body can handle, and you can learn how to push those limits.

Choose your level

There are many different types of ultras. I run loop ultras which means you run in a circle, and you have a chance to stop and rest or stop completely whenever you are ready. There are also ultras where you run out and back, and then point-to-point ultras. You can also choose your distance and the difficulty level.

It’s a family affair

I love the fact that entire families come out to cheer on the runner. There are tents, food is assembled, and it becomes a big fitness party.

If you want to investigate this type of race, go to www.ultrasignup.com See you out there!