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My book

I have just published a new book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden. My publisher is Loving, Healing Press and the book is available through the following links.

Kindle     https://www.amazon.com/101-Tips-Lighten-Your-Burden-ebook/dp/B09JLB5NRY

Google play   https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Jennifer_Bonn_101_Tips_To_Lighten_Your_Burden?id=ZohIEAAAQBAJ

Amazon     https://www.amazon.com/101-Tips-Lighten-Your-Burden/dp/1615996109

This is the perfect book to give someone who is struggling or who needs some kind words. It is like having your best friend in a book.

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Open Yourself to What Surrounds You

I am guilty of being so busy and caught up in the bustle of daily life that I don’t always see the important elements around me. If we took more time to process the people and things surrounding us, we might be better at handling everything in a more productive way. Here are a few examples.

Use your resources to reenergize.

There is energy all around us. How we use that energy can either drain us or fuel us. When you have an energy dip what do you do? Do you grab a pastry or a candy bar for a quick boost? That’s great for the moment, but when the sugar runs out you may be more tired that you were before. What if you put on music for what you needed that day? You could put on something soothing if you needed some calm, or something that makes you want to get up and dance if you want to wake up.

Meet emotion with calm

When someone comes at you with the emotional guns blazing, don’t engage. Respond calmly. Fire needs fuel to keep burning, so don’t throw anything on that flame and it will gradually fizzle.

Look for the good and positive

This could be something else for everyone, but for me, I come alive around good people, children, and dogs. Surround yourself with whatever it is that you enjoy.

Savor the moments

Be present in the now and enjoy the moments instead of what you need to do tomorrow, or what you did yesterday.

Appreciate your blessings

We all have struggles, but there is usually plenty of reasons to be grateful. Find those blessings.

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One More Day

One More Day

If you knew you had only one more day, how would you spend it and with whom? Here is a description of mine.

If I had one more day, I would spend it with you, and we would do all the things we love. Would we wake early and watch the neighborhood wake up and see the light shine through the trees or would we snuggle under the cocoon of the covers?

We can take steaming cups of coffee out on the porch and listen to everything around us without talking because we can be content in silence.

We would go to our favorite breakfast place where everyone knows us and is happy to see us. We would eat cinnamon cream cheese pancakes and a plate full of crispy bacon. You would listen intently as I told you all my thoughts and I would listen to yours. Neither of us would interrupt the other or try to interject our story. We would just enjoy listening to each other.

We would go back home and sit on the porch as a gentle thunderstorm blew through. We would listen to the rain falling and enjoy the peace. We would both grab our favorite books and read for an hour in the hammock.

When it was time for lunch, we would make grilled cheese and soup and eat it while we watched our favorite movie. We would both fall asleep to the rain hitting the roof as we cuddled under the blankets with the cats.

When we woke, it would be time for dinner, so we would make pizza, have some wine, turn on the type of music that makes you move, and sing as loud as we could as we did crazy dance moves around the kitchen.

The rain would clear, and the sun would cast beautiful rays in the yard behind us. As the sun set and night crept in, we would watch the fireflies and share all the memories we made, and the love we had shared. We both agreed we had lives well-lived. I turned off the light and said goodbye to my last day and the person I wish I had met.  

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The Importance Of Treating My Writing as a Business

The Importance of Treating My Writing as a Business

I was reading an article by one of my favorite writers, Mark Thomson, and as usual what he wrote helped me realize I needed to make some changes. He was writing about organizing all your wandering thoughts and developing a writing routine. Here is how those simple concepts made a difference for me.

I need to prioritize my projects.

 I tend to work on too many things at once and my thoughts are all over the place, so I took a whiteboard and wrote down everything I was working on for fun as well as the projects I needed to complete for someone else. Having everything in front of me in one place made what I needed to do clearer, and it motivated me. The next thing I did was prioritize what needed to be done and swore I wouldn’t come up with a new project until I had finished a few others.

I have to pay more attention to details.

When I wrote down all the projects, I realized that I had let many of the small but important details of my business go. I use linktr.ee to display all the books and spots that readers can find me, but I haven’t updated it since three books ago. This is definitely not okay since the QR code is on the back of my business card and I want my customers at the craft market where I vend to see my updated information. I write blogs for two magazines and realized I hadn’t turned anything in this month.

I need to be more patient.

I have a wonderful publisher, but it is a small press, so it often takes quite a while to have books published. I have one in the publishing queue and another that my publisher promised to look at in February. I was ready to self-publish both, but there are some drawbacks to self-publishing. Bookstores can be reticent to carrying self-published books, and I like the support I receive from a traditional publisher.

I have to eliminate distractions

When my family sees me sitting at my desk, they decide it will be a great time to come to ask me a zillion questions, or just to chat. I distract myself as well. I will be working on a project and suddenly think of something else and before you know it my focus has been derailed.

I need to work harder on marketing.

My creative friends are always telling me to make more videos to put myself in front of people, but it seems like whenever I start a video the dog starts barking, a hornet flies in my face, or some other digital disaster occurs.

For now, I have my whiteboard full of my projects and priorities, so I am ready to go!

http://www.linktr.ee/bonnga

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10 Things My Parents Taught Me

I had wonderful parents and I am grateful for everything they did for me. They both worked hard to provide for our family and although we did not have a lot financially, we never lacked anything we really needed. Here are a few of the many things they taught me.

A strong work ethic

I worked for my dad during college, and I can still hear him telling me there is never an excuse for standing around. There is always something else you can do.

My dad worked harder than anyone I know and he did it all with an artificial leg, but I never heard him complain except to tell me he hoped I wasn’t embarrassed by it. I hope he knew how proud I was of him. He dropped out of school in the 9th grade to help his mom and he is still one of the wisest people I have ever known. He understood what was important in life, and he was determined to give his family a good life.

Kindness

Both my parents believed in the importance of helping others. My mother was involved with service at the church, and my father was always helping people through his business. They treated everyone with kindness and respect.

Don’t judge

My parents told me not to judge others because you never know what type of burden they might be carrying. Treat others with understanding and try to lighten the load if you could.

Wealth isn’t always about money

We never had much money, but I never noticed it. There was always food on the table and since my parents were master gardeners we saved money by growing a lot of our own food and canning some for the winter. We also made our own bread.

Everyone needs community

My parents knew how important community is for our well-being. My mom had her church community, our extended family and neighbors, and dad had his interactions from work.

Family is important

I grew up around many cousins, aunts and uncles. Our extended family visited often, and I came to love the chaos of a group of families laughing and talking. Family takes care of each other.

Holidays and birthdays are never just another day

A birthday is a celebration of life and holidays are a chance to make memories and come together as a family. My mother loved family gatherings. She never sat down because she was moving between people making sure everyone had enough to eat and drink. She loved being around large groups of people.

Food is love

My mom loved to cook for everyone. Food was a way for her to show you that you were loved.

Use your resources

Although there might not have been much money, my parents did things to save. We had two huge gardens full of vegetables. My dad took a night job at the local market and was allowed to bring home food that was several days old. My mom sewed clothes and took a job to send me to a good school.

Know how important laughter is

There was always laughter in my house. My parents were lighthearted and they knew that laughter was great medicine. Even the difficult days are easier if you can laugh at them.

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Why Connecting is Key for Me as a Writer

Why Connection is Key for Me As a Writer

Two years ago, I started vending my books at the local artisan’s market and I realized how important making connections is to my writing.

I pay fifty dollars each week that I vend and there is time and effort necessary for setting up the space and preparing for customers. After watching me working hard and putting my introvert self out there while not exactly killing it financially my husband said, “What is your goal with this, because you are barely getting back the money you are putting into this, and you are interacting hard with the public for five hours.” I replied, “Baby, the money is not the point. I would love to sell lots of books every week, but the connections I make every week are more important. I can put my name and my writing out there, interact with people, build trust, hand out my card, and hopefully help some people.” After several weeks, he looked at me while we were packing up and said, “I understand why you are doing this now, and I think what you are doing is wonderful.” You have no idea how much that meant to me. Let me tell you about some of the connections I have experienced.

I hand out colorful butterfly stickers to the children. They are beautiful stickers that are only $5 a packet from Amazon and I will gladly pay that to see the smiles on the children’s faces. I have some children who come running to my booth because they know the butterflies are there. It lifts the spirits of the parents because of the kindness I extend to their children. There are not too many free things anymore.

I have a big bag of dog treats to pass out as well. The treats and the butterflies help me to start conversations with people who might have otherwise walked by but who might want someone to chat with for a moment.

My books are a conduit to connection. I can talk about mental health because of my books on that subject. I have had several people who needed to share what they were going through and although I might not have all the answers, I can always listen, and many people need to hear some encouragement.

I leave my business card on the center of the table and on the back there is a qr code that takes them to all my writing. Every card I hand out is possibly an important connection. https://linktr.ee/bonnga

When I make each connection there is always a chance that a door to book selling success is going to fly open. At one market, a man was telling me he was the representative for the Marley family’s stores. I don’t think I had enough coffee that morning because it took me a hot minute to realize he was talking about Bob Marley’s family. I mean, what??!! He was considering putting some of my books in the store, but he never reached back out to me. Another morning, a man was looking at my running book and he told me he was a cross-country coach, and he might consider buying the book for each of his sixty runners. I never heard from him again, but I still hope that there will be some extraordinary connections.    

The connections I make through vending help me make my writing come alive to help others.

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5 Things That Changed My Life

Everyone has moments, events, decisions and people who have had a huge impact on our lives. What would you list as the people or events that have changed yours. Here are five of the biggest contributors to who I am today.

Running

When I was on sports teams I saw running as a conditioning tool, but I started running distance when I came back from study abroad in France twenty pounds heavier than when I left. I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed running around campus with friends, talking about life. As I began my teaching career it became my time alone when I could think and let stress drop away. As I began to run competitively, it gave me confidence and taught me about goals and never giving up. The running community has given me my friend group and runners are the best people.

My children

Children would be on my list of things you cannot imagine doing, but the end result is worth the sleep deprivation, drama, and general chaos. It doesn’t matter what advice you give a new parent because it won’t be enough. My children have made be live life fully. They pull out every emotion I have and I would give anything to spend time with them. They taught me so many things like present a united front because they will try to divide and conquer, do not engage in drama even when you want to scream, remain calm and serve out the proper consequences and bad behavior always should have consequences. Even though the correct discipline is hard for you to deliver at the time, they may thank you later. My oldest partied through her first year of college and had to do a fifth year. When it was time to pay for that fifth year, I told her I had agreed to pay for four years, so she would be paying for the fifth. She told me later that it taught her a good lesson, and I told her it was one of the hardest things I did.

My husband

My husband is a perfectionist, and we are polar opposites in every way. Being married to him made me a stronger person and taught me how to create boundaries.  I thought for years that my way of doing things was wrong, but eventually I realized I only do things differently. He helps me see things with a different perspective.

Travel

Travel changed my life. I was able to go to France during my junior year in college. I discovered that travel is an interactive classroom. I learned about a different culture and way of life. I visited ancient monuments and couldn’t believe I was walking on stairs created in the Middle Ages. It created a love of seeing different cultures and has caused me to travel extensively and return to France often. I have done my best to make my children global citizens.

Reading

I have always loved to read. It is an escape for me and I enjoy reading everything except horror. When I was in middle school, I struggled socially and reading was where I could find some joy.   

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A Few Changes That Saved My Running

I have always loved to run, but age threw up a few challenges for me that I have struggled to navigate. The whole process has taught me the importance of being flexible and looking for alternative ways to meet goals.

When I was 55, I strained my knee badly enough to need physical therapy and to be sidelined from running for six weeks. When I started back running, I was so afraid of hurting my knee that it took me several more weeks to start running normally. As I left the orthopedist’s office, he told me my distance running was done. In the next few years, I started running ultramarathons which is anything longer than 26.2. The physical therapy had taught me the importance of stretching and strength training, but I was still making the mistake of only running without adding cross training or rest days.

At 63, I tore my meniscus and developed an irregular heartbeat which required heart medicine which left me exhausted and unmotivated. Gradually I lost any motivation to run, and I began long walks instead. My weight steadily increased and I developed a ring of pudge around my middle. I decided it was time for a change.

I went to my cardiologist and told him about the fatigue. He changed my medication and my energy is back. I decided to raise my pulse into my cardio zone each day for at least an hour. One day I would run/walk and the next day I would go to the gym and do the Stairmaster and the elliptical. I would also do more strength training, focusing on my knees.

The weight gradually came off and at the moment I have lost seven pounds. It was not easy getting back into running shape, but I am becoming stronger and I can run more than I walk. I also changed my diet to be mostly protein, fruits and vegetables. I do not eat much bread or sweets.

The small changes I have made have made a difference in both my mental and physical health. If you have a similar situation, I would encourage you to not give up. Find a way that works for you to achieve the results you need.

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What I Learned from Travel

When I was growing up my family didn’t travel much because my dad worked long hours and there wasn’t a lot of extra money. Travel for us was going to Florida to visit my grandmother. She lived in a tiny town called Interlachen. Even a trip to a small town with family taught me a few things.

On one trip, my sister and I discovered a lake not far from my grandmother’s house. There was a man fishing there and I asked him if it was alright to swim in the lake. He said, “There’s a few gators in there, but they won’t bother you.” Lesson #1 was don’t listen to all advice. I also learned about the variety of religion in the South. I was raised in the North where you were either Catholic or Protestant, but I discovered the Baptists in my grandmother’s town. I was very interested in attending a church service, but my mom refused. Lesson #2 was my mother was not comfortable outside of her Catholic faith.

In college, travel opened my world. I had a chance to do my junior year in France and that year changed my life. I realized that travel provides you with an interactive classroom. I saw the history behind monuments and walked stairs that had been used since the Middle Ages. It taught me humility to know what a small part I was playing in the grand scheme of things. My French home had been occupied by two Germans during World War II. Madame was expected to cook and clean for them and she worried every day that her son would be home from law school before the curfew. There was still the impression in the front yard where a trench had been dug to stay in during a bomb attack. We heard stories from the people who had lived through the horror of the war.  

I was able to see the cultural differences and understand a lifestyle more because of that culture and history. That year gave me perspective on the different ways people think and on what matters in life. The French have their priorities figured out.

I made connections by interacting with people and I came away with amazing experiences and memories.

When I became a French teacher, I wanted to bring both my family and my students to experience the same things that I did. I wanted to show people that there is a world full of beauty, diversity, and culture that needs to be explored. We can understand each other a little better when we try to understand where people come from.  

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Relieving College Freshman Anxiety

I taught for 40 years and during that time I spent time in both high school and college classrooms. Teaching high school allowed me to see the anxiety of the seniors who were worried that they were not ready for the transition to college. Being in the college classroom helped me convince them that they would be fine.

College is different from secondary school, and it is a transition, but if a student goes in knowing how to deal with college life it can help with anxiety.

My granddaughter is moving into her college tomorrow and she is very nervous. She graduated third in her class so academics shouldn’t be a worry, but she doesn’t know what to expect, and the unknown can be scary. I am also nervous because I wish I had given her more pearls of wisdom before she is on her own. She came over today for her grandfather to change her oil and I thought about teaching her some self-defense techniques and why didn’t I do that years ago?

She had so many questions about college that I thought it would help her and others if I wrote down some ways to alleviate the anxiety of entering college. I hope this helps.

What you can expect and how to manage it.

Greater independence and responsibility.

You are now in charge of your success. Your parents and your teachers will not give you constant reminders to do your work. You are responsible to hand in your work on time, keep track of assignments, manage your time, and study consistently instead of doing it all in one night.

Self-directed learning. Your teacher will be a guide, but it is your responsibility to study and learn. You can’t learn everything in class. You have to do some independent learning.

Critical thinking

College involves more critical thinking, brainstorming and debate. It won’t only be about filling in facts.

Time management   use a calendar and write down all your important dates. Decide when you need to study or work on projects.

Manage finances   create and follow a budget/understand scholarships/look for job opportunities. Use your resources for expenses like books. You do not have to buy new books. You can rent though Amazon or buy used through your school bookstore, Amazon or Thrift books.

Taking care of yourself Make sure you are sleeping and eating well. Do some exercise to relieve stress.

Greater social opportunities You will meet people from a variety of social backgrounds, so join clubs and student organizations.

Learning to advocate You will need to stand up for yourself. Don’t hesitate to talk with professors in a respectful way if there is a problem. Seek resources if you need them.

Practical advice

Walk your class schedule/read your course syllabus/where are important resources

In each class make at least one friend and exchange contact info

Start assignments early

Break large projects into smaller tasks/study consistently/look for student discounts/take care of yourself

Remember everyone is adjusting, after your first week you will feel like a veteran. Please remember though that college is a balance between academic success and social interaction. I used to tell my students that the train was leaving the station on day one, so you need to jump on board then and not a week later because college classes tend to move at a faster pace.

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Why The Glass on The Counter Matters

When my daughters come to visit, they always leave a half full glass of water on the kitchen counter. I look for it every time I come back after saying goodbye to them. The glass is always there. I mention this not because I want to complain about them not picking up, but because every time I see that glass it carries some important reminders.

First, it reminds me of them. They both choose glasses that express their personality. My oldest is high energy and she chooses a brightly colored glass. She leaves the glass because she is too focused on what she is doing next to focus on putting away her glass. The youngest is the opposite and enjoys taking some time to relax and be surrounded by family. Her glass always has something positive on it like bee happy. She leaves the glass because she knows I will gladly pick up after her every time she visits.

The glass is also a reminder of how blessed I am that they still come home. They both visit regularly, and even after all the time they have been on their own, I am sad each time they leave. The glass tells me every time they will be back.

The glass reminds me of the important conversations we have in the kitchen. My oldest tells me about the million projects she is doing as well as the plans she has for many more. The youngest tells me funny stories from work, as well as the crazy things her cats are doing.

The glass is a reminder of the importance of family and spending time together. The laughter we share will stay with me long after I put away the glass.

The glass is also a reminder of how important it is to slow down long enough to enjoy the moments in life that really count. I will keep being grateful for the glasses left behind and everything they represent.