I have just published a new book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden. My publisher is Loving, Healing Press and the book is available through the following links.
Even when I have read all the articles and books on writing, and paid attention to the veteran writers who are making it work, I still need reminders about the basics now and then. Here is a list that I am going to post in front of me in my office.
Stay organized and don’t have a zillion projects going at once. Focus on mission critical, finish that and keep moving forward.
Don’t waste time wondering if you are good enough. If you are passionate about writing you should be writing.
Observe and listen. Your next projects are all around you.
Connect with your readers.
Create a writer’s footprint. Put your writing everywhere to make it visible.
Remember the gold is in the comments of articles, so read them and see what is important to readers.
Somedays you should do something else besides writing and then you will be fresher when you come back.
Don’t forget why you write.
Ignore the haters.
Be persistent and don’t compare yourself to other writers.
Read.
Someone needs your words.
Break the rules sometimes.
Take some risks.
Prioritize my writing instead of it being the last thing I do when I’m tired and my brain is moosh.
Thank the people who support me.
Create your best work every time.
Stay open to new ideas and learning opportunities.
Do not allow anyone to limit you.
Be patient
Learn from other creators, not just writers. See what makes a creator successful and use that knowledge to help your business grow.
Join writing groups.
Be professional
Put in the work.
Be authentic.
You have to market your writing if you want a writing business.
Keep a sense of humor
These are only a few reminders of what you need to keep you on track as a writer. Add a few of your own.
When we were ready to welcome in a new dog after the death of our beautiful dog Lilly, I asked myself where I should go to look. A thought jumped into my head that said, “It will come.”
Several weeks later, I was running in our neighborhood when my neighbor Lynn stopped me. Lynn is a dog trainer, and she was on her way to pick up a border collie who had been purchased as an emotional support dog, but the owner had been injured and could no longer care for the dog. I told Lynn I would ask my husband if we could consider taking the dog. He said he would consider it, but when Lynn returned and the beautiful four-month-old collie jumped out and into my arms, I forgot we were only considering the dog. I could not imagine the learning experience ahead of me.
Here are a few things that I learned about a border collie.
· The boundless energy
I had no idea how much energy this dog would have. In the morning, he needs to run off his crazy. He shoots out the door and runs behind the neighbor’s house and within a minute, he shoots back. The first time my husband saw him do it he started to panic and I told him, “Don’t worry, he only needs to run the crazy out. He’ll be back. Denis, (our neighbor) have talked about it and he doesn’t mind.” Our neighbor Denis told me that Bandit has worn a path through the back. (they have a wooded area) I asked him if he minded and he told me he loved seeing him flash by.
We were walking him at a local park when we met a woman with an older version of Bandit. My husband asked her when this breed calmed down. She laughed and said, “Never!”
We also discovered that we need to judge when he needs to stop because he doesn’t want to miss playtime. He is also ready to go again after about ten minutes of rest.
· Anxiety
I can only talk about my dog, but I have heard from other owners that anxiety is a common trait for this breed. I am blessed to have a dog owner for a friend who has given me advice on how to calm him. If he becomes to excited when someone enters the house, I tell him calmly to go to his crate and stay, when he is finally calm I tell him to come back out. I also have a command of settle that I use at night if he needs to calm down.
· The need for a job
Border collies are bred to herd. They need to have a job to be happy. They might try to herd your family or animals, but they need a purpose, so come up with tricks and commands they can complete.
· They can be easily spooked
When Bandit first came to us, we had to teach him about his surroundings. He was terrified of the garbage cans, so I had to take him near them and let him see they were harmless. He was very jumpy at first, but as he became used to what was around him, he calmed down.
· The intelligence
I have never had a dog this smart. He is smarter than a lot of people I know. He can learn new tricks and commands very quickly. When he first came we had two cats. One was huge and was not afraid of Bandit at all. He would lick the black marking down Bandit’s nose and Bandit loved it. If Lowkey stopped, Bandit would lift his paw to nudge Lowkey’s head to do it again. I had to grab his paw around four times and tell him, “No, you will hurt him if you do that.” After that, he would nudge Lowkey with his nose.
My friend Lynn told me to talk to him because he will learn what I’m saying. I talk to him all the time and he knows 90% of what I’m telling him.
· The crate matters
I have never crated a dog before Bandit, but Lynn told me he needed a safe place where he can go if something scares him. We also need it because around bedtime we need a break too and he is not a dog who lies down very often.
· They will guard what is theirs and the neighbors
Bandit loves people unless he feels someone is threatening his territory or his people and he considers all our neighbors to be his people. He does not like delivery people, so I have to take him in whenever I see a truck coming. One day, he ran to a delivery man at the neighbor’s house!
· They love fully
There will be no doubt that you are fully loved by this dog. The minute I sit on the floor the face licking begins and then the tennis ball is retrieved so I can throw it until it feels like water torture.
· Yelling is not a good discipline technique with them
Again, I can only speak for my dog, but calm commands and discipline work the best. There have been one or two times when I yelled and then felt horrible when my dog crumpled.
· You can put the ball away
Bandit will bring you the tennis ball non-stop until you don’t ever want to see it again. One night I said to my husband, “You know, we can put the balls away. We can do what we want to do too.” The first night we put them away was magical.
· They can live with cats
We had two cats when Bandit joined our family. He tolerated one cat and adored the rotund one.
· They love sticks more than anything
Bandit lives for sticks that he enjoys whipping them into submission. We all have something that ignites our passion. Bandit’s passion is definitely sticks.
· They are fast
That flash you saw was a border collie. The neighborhood children love to see Bandit chasing his frisbie.
· They want and need to be trained
This is probably true for any dog, but teaching your dog important commands could save his life. If I have Bandit outside while I work in the yard, I have to keep an eye on him because if he sees someone or something interesting, he may bolt, but when I say, “Bandit come!” I know he is coming back to me.
I have some funny stories that happened on my way to learning more about my border collie, but I’ll tell those in another article.
A verbal barb is a nasty comment or question that is meant to hurt or demean. The people who launch these barbs usually only do it to people they think are too kind or nice to retaliate. So, what is the best way to react to these comments? As always, you have a choice but let me tell you what has worked for me.
I am often so shocked by what someone said to me that it takes me a minute to respond. It turns out that is actually a tactic that is recommended to use. Stay silent for a minute and put on the best look of disdain and disgust you can muster. Then you can choose your response which I will explain in a minute.
First, you need to realize that you do not need to tolerate a lack of respect or justify yourself at any time. I’ll give you two examples of questions I have been asked. One woman asked me both these questions within ten minutes. I had just retired several weeks before our meeting, so she said, “What do you do all day?” Because I know that when people throw verbal daggers, they don’t really want an answer, I kept my answer short and said, “I’m busier now than when I worked, but I’m free to do what I want.” Then several minutes later she asked me if my youngest daughter was an accident because there is an age gap between her and my other children. I took a deep breath and said, “She has been nothing short of a blessing, and no, she was not an accident.” Keep those answers short and move on. Mean people are looking for emotional reactions and drama, don’t let them have that pleasure.
Another way to respond is by laying out some boundaries. You can set firm boundaries by saying, “That question, comment is disrespectful and I am not going to answer it.” Comments that draw the line and let someone know how you expect to be treated are appropriate. My husband had been throwing little jabs at me because I consider my writing a business and he wants me to consider it a hobby. He said something about how I wasn’t making much money and I mentioned I had written 12 books but hadn’t figured out how to market them yet. I told him he needed to stop talking to me like that. The look of surprise on his face let me know he had heard me.
Once the initial interaction is over, let it go. Mean people love perpetuating drama and hate to be ignored, so don’t give them a second thought.
The last suggestion I would give you is to always remain calm. Your emotions will be in the way. Don’t be afraid to call someone out or question their intentions. “Why are you having this conversation with me?” Mean people like to divide and conquer so suggest you continue this conversation around someone who can be a mediator. It’s satisfying to watch a discussion that was meant to be hurtful fall apart.
Again, you have to choose how to react, but I would not drop to that person’s level to meet rudeness with rudeness. Keep telling yourself that behavior is not worth your time or energy.
What if you looked at exercise as a way to prepare your body for battle? Would it make you commit to working out more if you knew your longevity depended on it?
A local segment on the news today involved an interview with a woman who said that was her attitude after a battle with cancer. Her doctor told her if she wasn’t so fit her battle with cancer would have been much harder. The woman said that a day at the gym was much easier than chemo.
My best friend heard a similar message from his doctor after a major stroke. The doctor told him he might have died if he hadn’t been so fit.
Maybe we need to adjust the way we look at exercise. Instead of seeing it as an onerous task that we dread, maybe if we look at it as something that could save our lives, we might be more motivated to do it consistently. We tend to do things that have an instant result, but maybe if we have enough proof we might realize the benefit of taking control of our health.
I took karate classes for eight years in a full contact dojo. I often asked myself why I was doing something that hard, and the answer was always that I was preparing to defend myself and mine if that situation was ever presented to me.
We treat our health like an afterthought, but taking care of ourselves is preparing ourselves to survive tougher times. Isn’t that worth some time in the gym or working out at home?
You don’t have to run a marathon or do something that will leave you exhausted. Find an activity you enjoy that raises your heart rate, works your muscles, do it consistently, and be patient so that eventually your body will be ready to take on most battles that come your way.
As an older runner, I know I have to be more creative with my training, but occasionally the love of running takes over, I forget I am not 24 and I run too far on too many consecutive days.
Two weeks ago, I broke from my perfect plan of alternating a day of running and doing the elliptical and stair stepper in the gym because I had appointments several days in a row and going for a run every day was easier. The day before my latest kneepocalypse, I ran four beautiful miles and then walked four. There wasn’t any pain until the next morning when my right knee was swollen so bad that a sack of fluid was sticking out to the side and every once in a while, I had shooting pain up the side.
My orthopedist confirmed it was a case of overusing arthritic knees. I have known I had arthritis since my MRI for a torn meniscus, but I haven’t had any issues with it except now I do, so I am on a mission to soothe the inflammation in my knees, and I want to do my best to do it with natural remedies. I’m sure I am not the only one dealing with this, so I would like to share what I am trying right now.
Strengthening the muscles around the knee.
If I am going to continue to run, I have to strengthen the muscles around my knees to give them the support they need. Here are a few things I am doing to accomplish this.
· I am riding my bike more to strengthen my leg muscles.
· Doing the elliptical and the stair master does not bother my knees, so I am using them to do low impact cardio.
· I am doing exercises in the pool.
· I am doing leg extensions/leg press/ lunges/squats
· Strength training
Reducing inflammation
· I found a salve from Dazzle Mountain Apiaries called Kinda Dandy Skin Salve. It has lavender oil, Lemongrass oil, Eucalyptus oil, and Shea butter. It feels amazing and I am hoping it will help reduce inflammation.
· I drink 8 oz of tart cherry juice every morning.
· I drink green tea.
· I eat berries and cucumbers that both have anti-inflammatory properties.
· I am icing it frequently.
· I wear a compression sleeve that goes from my ankle to above the knee.
· I take baths with baking soda and Epsom salts.
I have been told I can walk distance in two weeks which is in time for a local 5K and I have to wait a month to run which is in time for my ultra that my orthopedist says I will be walking. I have both events marked in green. I would love to hear any remedies that have worked for others.
When you have one of those hard days do you wish someone could give you those words you need to hear to lift you up and motivate you? Sometimes it happens through a kind word, or an inspirational thought posted somewhere. It happened to me this morning when I woke up. My Garmin watch tells me my sleep score and body battery and then it either says, “Time to get going!”, or “Make today great.” Today the message was, “Believe in yourself.” It made me smile because the last few days I have been hard on myself. The watch message was what I needed, and it made me think that words can be like a warm hug and we could all use more of that, so here aew a few words I hope you might need.
A challenge is a reason to become stronger.
Even though you might deny this, you are someone’s hero, inspiration, safe haven, and maybe even a lifeline. Those people need you to stay strong.
It’s only failure if you don’t learn from it.
You are never too old or too young to do what you love as long as it’s legal.
You don’t need to solve other’s problems.
Boundaries will save your sanity. Demand respect.
You are stronger than you think.
Don’t ever give up. Something amazing might be about to happen.
The perfect timing might not be your timing. Patience is important.
Quality tops quantity with friends. One good one is better than 10 false ones.
Someone you haven’t met yet might need your light.
My book, Tyler and His Bugs was picked by the Children’s Book Council as a hot of the press read for September! Here is the link https://cbcbooks.org/cbc_book/tyler-and-his-bugs/ I am so thankful for an amazing publisher who makes these things happen. You can find all of my books on Amazon, Goodreads, Thrift books, and online at Barnes.
In 2016, I started doing ultra marathons which is a race where you do more than 26.2 miles. The most common distances are 50K (31 miles), 50 miles, 100K (62 miles), or 100 miles, but the mileage can vary.
During my ultra journey, I made every mistake you could imagine, but I learned valuable information from each one. During my first ultra, I thought it would be a good idea to drink Gatorade at the end of every loop because you need electrolytes, right? I learned the hard way that Gatorade and Powerade are too strong for my stomach. I decided I was going to find the correct electrolyte and never spend that much time in the porta potty again.
I had to stop during several ultras when my stomach turned. I discovered that Ginger Ale and Ginger candies can save the day. Once when my stomach turned, I stopped eating and learned what it feels like to hit the wall hard. Keep eating something at least once every hour.
I have learned more about my body and mind than I ever thought possible. It took me eight years to break through 50 miles, and 100 miles still remains elusive, but I am determined to get there. I made one step closer at our last ultra when I did 62 miles. It was a bit of an adventure.
Anytime you do an ultra, you have to be prepared for anything, and you never know how the race will pan out. We started with a pre-race meeting where the race director told us what to expect, then she gave the instructions for anyone who would be continuing through the night. She told us that every year there was at least one bear sighting during the night or early morning, and there were wild pigs. Wait a minute, I thought. No one mentioned wild pigs! I’m not sure why I thought the pigs would be worse than a bear, but I did.
I am 68 years old and I am still terrified of the dark. This would be my first time going through the night with an ultra and I knew it would take a lot to conquer my fear. As dusk approached, I realized I had forgotten about the bats. If I am terrified of the dark, triple that fear when it comes to bats. I told myself that at least when it was dark I wouldn’t see them. Then the bullfrogs started to make a ruckus. It was so loud! Oh, and I forgot to mention that the race director told us the snakes came out at night and they would probably be copperheads, so don’t try to pick them up. What?! Absolutely not! As the night wore on, I was keeping my eyes on the ground while sweeping the woods with my headlamp from time to time. I tried to think of a plan if a wild pig came barreling out of the woods, but I couldn’t think of a thing.
By 2 a.m., I had been on my feet since 9 a.m. the day before. I decided to lie down for two hours and rest. It was too loud to sleep, so I lay on a cot and just rested. All my muscles were twitching. My ultra mentor told me that when you think you cannot go any further, sit down and rest. He told me my body would recover quickly.
At 4 a.m. I went back out and discovered my stomach was not going to cooperate. Even my usual secret weapon, the ginger candies would not work, but eventually I felt better and hooked up with two good friends for the next few hours.
As always, I met some of the most interesting people at the race. My husband came back around nine and did a few more laps with me.
Around 11, a day without any sleep was taking its toll, so I stopped at 62. I’m hoping I can go farther next time. We’ll see, but no matter what, I know I will learn something new or conquer a fear.
I am guilty of being so busy and caught up in the bustle of daily life that I don’t always see the important elements around me. If we took more time to process the people and things surrounding us, we might be better at handling everything in a more productive way. Here are a few examples.
Use your resources to reenergize.
There is energy all around us. How we use that energy can either drain us or fuel us. When you have an energy dip what do you do? Do you grab a pastry or a candy bar for a quick boost? That’s great for the moment, but when the sugar runs out you may be more tired that you were before. What if you put on music for what you needed that day? You could put on something soothing if you needed some calm, or something that makes you want to get up and dance if you want to wake up.
Meet emotion with calm
When someone comes at you with the emotional guns blazing, don’t engage. Respond calmly. Fire needs fuel to keep burning, so don’t throw anything on that flame and it will gradually fizzle.
Look for the good and positive
This could be something else for everyone, but for me, I come alive around good people, children, and dogs. Surround yourself with whatever it is that you enjoy.
Savor the moments
Be present in the now and enjoy the moments instead of what you need to do tomorrow, or what you did yesterday.
Appreciate your blessings
We all have struggles, but there is usually plenty of reasons to be grateful. Find those blessings.
If you knew you had only one more day, how would you spend it and with whom? Here is a description of mine.
If I had one more day, I would spend it with you, and we would do all the things we love. Would we wake early and watch the neighborhood wake up and see the light shine through the trees or would we snuggle under the cocoon of the covers?
We can take steaming cups of coffee out on the porch and listen to everything around us without talking because we can be content in silence.
We would go to our favorite breakfast place where everyone knows us and is happy to see us. We would eat cinnamon cream cheese pancakes and a plate full of crispy bacon. You would listen intently as I told you all my thoughts and I would listen to yours. Neither of us would interrupt the other or try to interject our story. We would just enjoy listening to each other.
We would go back home and sit on the porch as a gentle thunderstorm blew through. We would listen to the rain falling and enjoy the peace. We would both grab our favorite books and read for an hour in the hammock.
When it was time for lunch, we would make grilled cheese and soup and eat it while we watched our favorite movie. We would both fall asleep to the rain hitting the roof as we cuddled under the blankets with the cats.
When we woke, it would be time for dinner, so we would make pizza, have some wine, turn on the type of music that makes you move, and sing as loud as we could as we did crazy dance moves around the kitchen.
The rain would clear, and the sun would cast beautiful rays in the yard behind us. As the sun set and night crept in, we would watch the fireflies and share all the memories we made, and the love we had shared. We both agreed we had lives well-lived. I turned off the light and said goodbye to my last day and the person I wish I had met.
Jennifer’s writing 