I have just published a new book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden. My publisher is Loving, Healing Press and the book is available through the following links.
How to Make the Top Ten Important List for Someone
I heard someone yesterday say that a certain person was on her top ten list of important people in her life and I began to wonder who my top ten would be and what qualities or actions would guarantee that you would make someone’s list. Of course, everyone is different, but I picked a few things that I think are important factors for someone to play a pivotal role in your life.
Show up
When someone shows up for you, that person shows you that you are valued and supported. I know that feeling when a friend walks through the door or calls and you know that you are important to that person. I had a student whose mom died. I showed up at the wake and she said, “Madame, you came!” There are certain people and situations when I will show up no matter what and that was one of them. An important person on my list would do the same.
Listen
When was the last time someone really listened to you without turning the narrative to him or her? Most people don’t hear you because they are too busy talking about themselves. To be on someone’s ten most important list, you need to listen. Listening doesn’t have to be solving issues, but listening gives someone the chance to share burdens and once they are released, healing can begin.
Prove someone’s value
Show people you believe in them, and you think they are worthy of doing great things. Maybe ask them to do something epic together because you know that person’s grit will make you better. When I was a senior in high school, my English teacher pulled three of us out in the hall and asked us if we wanted to take the Advanced Placement English test. I didn’t know what this test was because it had only started several years before (I’m so old!), and we had not been trained for it, but if Mr. Chaffee thought I could do it, then I was going to do it. The man who told me I was a good writer is definitely on my list as well as the French teacher in college who pulled three of us out and asked if we wanted to do U-Conn’s study abroad program. That teacher’s actions and belief in me changed my life.
Make someone laugh
Being funny is one of the best qualities to have because life can be tough and if you can help people see humor in a difficult situation you should be on a few lists.
Be a defender/advocate
I have several friends that I know would be by my side in a heartbeat if I needed them, and oh, lord, they would defend me well if you wronged me. Friends like that need to be on the list. My husband had the type of stroke that precedes a bigger stroke, but thankfully we were able to get him to the hospital before the second stroke hit. I believe in the power of prayer, so I sent a text to my prayer warriors telling them what happened and asking for prayers. My friend Donna was the one who showed up to the hospital in minutes and all she asked was, “what can I do? Tell me what you need.” That is list material right there.
What actions or qualities do you think are necessary to be on the most important list?
When you tell people that you are expecting your first child, they usually respond with congratulations, but my mother did not. When I told her I was pregnant she said, “Oh, no.” I was disappointed in her reaction until she explained that with four children of her own, she knew how taxing being a parent could be. I thought she was wrong until the baby came and my life changed forever. Nothing prepares you for what parenting is, the emotions, the need to have a psychology degree, your fear of losing your precious child, the protectiveness towards your child, the need to be all things with very little sleep or self-care, but most parents would tell you they would do it again in a heartbeat.
I can only speak from my experience, but here are the changes that occurred in my life when I had children.
Lack of sleep
I know this is the first on everyone’s list and it deserves to be there. I thought the baby would have a schedule and I would be able to sleep around the schedule. My doctor told me the baby was not going to have a schedule, and I should sleep when the baby slept. I have always thought this was terrible advice because if I sleep when the baby sleeps I cannot have a cup of coffee quietly and save what shards of my sanity are left, or do all the household chores to the point that it doesn’t look like a tornado blew through. Also, even though I’m on maternity leave, my work thinks I’m kidding and keeps sending me “small” projects to do in my free time that doesn’t exist.
Give yourself and your partner grace during this time and if you can take shifts while one rests while the other cares for the baby. Instead of being frustrated have an attitude of just doing your best.
Brain fog
This is caused by the lack of sleep, but it is difficult to handle. I remember when I went back to work as a teacher after maternity leave, another teacher came up behind me and said kindly, “Sweetheart, your skirt isn’t zipped up in the back. Let me help you.” I was in survival mode at that point.
Personal Hygiene
This is probably disgusting but my daughter spit up so often that sometimes I didn’t change my shirt and I went out in public with a fragrance of eau de spit up. Taking a shower becomes much harder with children and it can feel like a luxury.
Eating
Everyone tells you to eat healthily after the baby because you need to recover well, but sit-down meals become grabbing something quickly and eating it fast.
Personal space
Once you have children time to yourself is limited. Search Youtube for an episode of Bluey called twenty minutes where the mom just needs twenty minutes. You might close the bathroom door, but within seconds you are joined by a toddler, a dog and a cat.
Shopping
The first rule of shopping, going out, or traveling is to make sure your child is fed and rested. Dire consequences will result if you do not do this. Once I was in the grocery store when my toddler dropped to the ground kicking and screaming because she could not have a toy. I was surprised that everyone was looking at me as if I was a terrible parent. I left a full cart of groceries behind and carried her outside.
There will be many other changes but there are tools to help you. Keep a sense of humor, as for help, be creative, and use your resources. See the blessings not the burdens and realize that childhood is a short time so enjoy your time with your children.
I have seen numerous times when something good can rise out of disaster. My running journey during the past three years is testament to this.
Running has always been a passion for me. I call it my savior and my best friend because it has kept me sane, healthy, and allowed be to build a community of wonderful people. Whenever life became too heavy, I headed out the door for a run. I was known at the gym as the runner girl and if you knew me you knew how much I loved to run.
All of that changed unexpectedly on a trip my daughter had arranged to Santa Rosa beach as a retreat for a group of young mothers. They were going to have an instructor give them a yoga class on the beach. I told my daughter I was going for a quick run then I would walk the beach while they took the class. The run felt great, but I only had time for two miles. As I pulled in near our house, a woman stopped me to ask for directions. As I explained I wasn’t from the area I noticed I couldn’t get my breath. My chest felt tight. After the lady left, I thought I was going to pass out so I sat down and then my heart started beating so fast I could see my chest moving. I will shorten the story to tell you I ended up in the hospital with my first afib attack(irregular heartbeat). The doctor gave me a beta blocker and told me I would see a decrease in energy. When I asked him what he meant, he said, “If you normally run ten miles, you will only want to run 5) I had no idea how much of an energy shift it would be. I didn’t feel like running.
After that, I tore my meniscus and started PT where I was told I could not run for at least 6 weeks. If you are an athlete of any kind you know that your first thought is all my hard work is going out the window. Since then when something derails my training I tell myself I will just come back stronger, but the problem for two years was I didn’t have the energy.
The final piece of the perfect storm was when I saw the pudge around my middle growing from lack of exercise. I finally went to my cardiologist and started taking a different medication which increased my energy, I listened to my family doctor who said you have to do cardio to lose the pudge. If you don’t run, do the other cardio machines. That’s when I decided it was time to start a completely different program and I am seeing positive results already. Here is what I do.
Strength training
I have always seen the benefits of strength training to protect my body and build strength, but it is even more important as we age. I used to have good upper body strength but in the past three years I have lost a lot, so I am working hard to rebuild my strength. My goal is by the end of this year; I want to be able to do a pull up. Set some goals for yourself to boost your motivation but keep them attainable. I need to strengthen my knees, so I do lots of leg extensions, lunges, and squats.
Cardio
One day I go to the gym to do strength training, and I do 20 minutes on the stair machine, and 30 minutes on the elliptical. I will increase the time and the level slightly as I become stronger.
The next day I run/walk between 3-10 miles at an easy pace.
Both days I will ride my bike and swim, and both these activities are easy.
I used to run every day, and I did not do a good job cross training, but I can already see a change in my knees after three weeks. I did the stair stepper regularly before an ultra with killer hills and that training made a difference in my performance. I know stepping up is good for knee strength.
Nutrition
I eat a variety of food and make sure to eat lots of protein, carbs, vegetables, fruits and cut back on sugar.
Rest
I’m hyper, so rest is hard for me but I’m getting better. I curl up on the couch with a good book or watch a movie. Rest and recovery are important.
I hope these ideas help you. The key is to be consistent with any program you choose.
You might be a brilliant writer with a million ideas and important messages to give your readers, but if no one sees your writing, those messages will never reach your audience. Writing without marketing that writing will lead to frustration and to questioning why you are writing. You might be thinking that you don’t have any idea how to market your writing, but you would be surprised to know that there are some simple steps you can take to make your writing visible.
Connect with local media
Make connections with your local media even if that means giving them free content. I know there are some writers cringing right now, but sometimes that free content can open doors to paid offers.
I started sending articles to my local paper and magazines, and since everyone wants free writing, I was able to write regularly for both. The school where I was teaching noticed the articles I was writing and asked me to write for the school and they offered to pay me.
When you first start publishing your writing you should develop a writer’s footprint. That means if someone is searching for your name, your writing should be easy to find. While I was writing for all three publications, my daughter put my name into google and it came up as news with a list of all my articles.
Ask local media to write about your success. There is a local online newspaper who runs an ad every time I publish another book. The editor has been one of my angels, and she told me in the beginning to take every opportunity to make your writing visible.
Take some time to see what periodicals are in your area and if there is a way to include your writing.
Thank your contacts regularly. One editor, another one of my angels, was so helpful that I sent her a food basket and flowers. She told me it was the first time a writer had thanked her for her work.
Write online
We are in a time when many people want to read from their phones and computers, so online jobs are everywhere. Ask Google where the paid writing opportunities are and start sending out some queries.
Use social media
Share your writing on social media, create videos talking about your writing, make a newsletter, and ask your friends if they know of someone who needs a writer.
Create a blog
My blog has allowed me to share my writing with a larger audience. I have written 13 books which I vend at a local market. At the market, I can pass out my business card which leads people to my blog and my writing.
Volunteer as a speaker
Anytime people can hear your name, you have a chance to show them your writing. Local organizations are always looking for speakers. I went to a retirement home to talk about writing, and I had so much fun because many of the residents wanted to write their stories, but didn’t know where to start.
Libraries and bookstores need people to do book readings. I have to confess that I hate doing this because it makes me feel very awkward and nervous. I did one at a bookstore and after my son-in-law beamed at me and said, “So, when are you doing the next one.” I shocked him because although I’m usually positive, I looked at him and said, “Never!”
Use your creativity and look for as many opportunities as possible to let your readers see your work.
I have a feeling that most people have at least one person in their lives that could be classified as a narcissist. Do you know one? You need to be able to answer that question because interaction with a narcissist can be dangerous for many reasons, so first let’s define who this is and then talk about how they can affect your life and how you can survive a relationship with one.
The definition of a narcissist is a person who shows an excessive pattern of self-focus, need for admiration, and lack of empathy for others. Common traits include strong sense of superiority, (his way is the best way), constant need for praise or validation, difficulty accepting criticism, manipulative behavior, preoccupation with status, success, or power.
Common warning signs are constant criticism, belittling, or humiliation, being blamed for everything, making you question your judgment, controlling behavior, explosive anger, lack of empathy, and you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around the person.
There are many examples of a narcissist in action, but here is a good example. The narcissist has just spoken in anger. Here is the conversation that follows.
You: Why are you angry?
Narcissist: (Yelling) I’m not angry!
You: You are angry because you are yelling.
Narcissist: Well, It’s because you make me angry!
Chances are you didn’t do anything to make him angry, but the blame can never be accepted. You will also rarely ever receive an apology.
One of the complicated things about a relationship with a narcissist is that they can be extremely charming in public, so if you tell anyone about the emotional abuse you experience, they may think you are crazy. The expression is The life of the party, the devil at home. It is abuse though so you should speak up and receive help from someone you trust.
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist can be complicated for many reasons, but if you are ready to leave, set up support first. You can contact the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
My Skin Cancer Journey and Some Ideas to Navigate Yours
Are you worried about an unusual spot, or have you been struggling with skin cancer for a while? The first thing I would tell you is to go in to see your dermatologist on a regular basis whether you have suspicious spots or not. Better safe than sorry is an appropriate expression when it comes to checking for skin issues.
Let me quickly tell you about my skin cancer journey and then I will share what I have learned in the hope it will help you. The first time I went to a dermatologist I had a large, ugly looking mole on my side. The dermatologist took one look at it and looked at me and said, “This doesn’t look good. I think it might be melanoma.” I translated that into I was going to die. He took a biopsy and I went out and climbed into my car, told my husband and began sobbing. The biopsy came back as only a mole, but the dermatologist recommended I start coming in once a year. After that experience, I learned to wait to hear the result of a biopsy before working myself into a stress ball, and whatever the diagnosis is keep a positive attitude and keep moving forward.
The next thing I learned was even if you begin protective sun care which of course you should, the skin cancer that starts popping up is from earlier sun exposure. Please don’t put off seeing a dermatologist because you are afraid. Staying a step ahead of skin cancer is manageable, but your attitude is key.
In the last twenty years, I have had many Mohs surgeries, frequent visits to the dermatologist, many freezings with liquid nitrogen, and blue light therapies, so let me explain the treatments available to you that I know about. When you make your first appointment with a dermatologist, ask for a full body exam. If the dermatologist finds precancerous cells, he or she will use liquid nitrogen to freeze off the cells. If there is something more serious, the dermatologist will probably do a biopsy where a sample of the spot is taken and sent to the lab. If it comes back as more serious, the dermatologist might do a scrape and burn or suggest Mohs surgery where a surgeon cuts out the cancerous spot. There is also blue light therapy where you are exposed to an intense light that leaves you looking as if you have a bad sunburn. The top skin and the pre-cancerous cells will peel off during the next week. There is also laser therapy and chemo cream treatment. There are probably other treatments, but those are the ones I know about. Let me tell you how to navigate the ones I have experienced.
Liquid nitrogen freezing
This is only my experience, but this never hurts me unless it is on my face, so don’t be nervous about this. When you go home, you can put Vaseline on them or Polysporin. Keep your hands away and watch for infection. They usually form small blisters.
Biopsy
The dermatologist will numb the area then take a sample and send it to the lab. You need to keep the spot dry and bandaged for 24 hours.
Scrape and burn
The dermatologist will numb the area, scrape the spot and burn the area. It doesn’t hurt and I have never had discomfort after the procedure.
Mohs surgery
A Mohs surgeon will make a cut, take it to the lab and see if he has removed all the cancer. You usually wait an hour then the nurse will tell you if you are all clear or if another cut is necessary. Once you are clear, the dermatologist will stitch you up. My record which I hope to never replicate is five cuts. Bring snacks. The recovery for this is more intense. You will need to rest, and I believe you are not supposed to do exercise for a week. My dermatologist gave me a strong antibacterial ointment to treat the area. I have had several on my face which caused two black eyes and bruising on my nose. The nurse told me that eating pineapple helped with bruising and there is bruise cream.
Blue light therapy
With this therapy an acid is applied to your face then you wait for an hour and a half while the acid sets then you sit in front an intense light for 16 minutes. After that, you have to stay inside for 48 hours and for the next week you should wear sunscreen and a hat. There are certain creams to put on and you treat the area as if you have a bad sunburn.
Find a good dermatologist
I’m leaving you with the most important advice I can give you. It took me a while to find the right dermatologist. Having someone who is thorough, who listens to me and who I trust relieves my stress. Don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who is not a good fit.
I hope you do not have a skin cancer journey, but if you do I hope sharing mine has helped a bit.
I love checklists because it is a quick way to check what you are doing and remind yourself what you could do better. Here is one for you about your health. Which ones would be easy for you to do? Check off the ones you already do and make plans for incorporating others in your life.
Listen more than you talk.
You only have to listen to a few conversations to notice that most people don’t listen well. Instead of actively listening to what someone is saying, we often rush to interrupt and turn the light back to ourselves. The best way to learn more about people and situations is to rest in silence. Wait until someone is finished and then ask some questions for understanding.
Value the time and energy of yourself and others.
I will never be late to anything unless it is completely out of my control because showing up on time is a sign of respect. When you continually show up late you send a message that your time is more important than others and you are not responsible.
Protect your energy by deciding not to overreact to drama and respect other’s energy by not creating any drama.
Know you have options
There is always another choice, so never choose to be unhappy because you think you are locked into something. When something doesn’t work out, regroup and invent plan b.
Do what makes you feel good.
There is judgment everywhere. Don’t allow that to keep you from doing what you love. When someone gives you all the reasons you shouldn’t do something, as long as it is legal and safe, do it anyway.
Stop feeling guilty
Do you worry about whether you are doing and giving enough? Guilt will exhaust you, so do your best, have a good attitude, give your best effort ,find your joy, and let the rest go.
Be positive
It has been proven over and over that staying positive can make a difference for your health. Life can throw some nasty punches, but you always have a choice about how you react. If you can stay grateful and keep moving forward, it will make a difference.
Know your value.
Recently, my daughter had a meeting with someone she perceived as important. She said to me, “Mommy, she makes me so nervous.” I said, “Remember who you are. Walk into that meeting like a queen.” We sell ourselves short too often.
Don’t react before you reflect.
Emotions can overrule the head, so take a minute to breathe and reflect before you react. Sometimes there is a backstory you need to know, or you should ask for clarification before you assume anything.
Be mindful of your relationships.
Although there are times when I need to be away from people to recharge, I also know the importance of good relationships. Reach out to friends and family, give good people the gift of your time, build a loving community and don’t chase after people who don’t see your sparkle.
Practice self-care.
Taking care of yourself is not being selfish. When you take good care of yourself you are healthier, happier, and more productive. We can help others if we help each other first.
Stop explaining your no. Own your boundaries.
When you decide that something doesn’t fit what you enjoy doing realize that you don’t have to say more than no thank you. Don’t allow someone to guilt or shame you into doing something you will not enjoy. When I was doing karate, we began going to competitions, but it was each person’s choice whether to go or not. I asked my friend, Jan if she was going. When she said no she added, “When I’m not sure of something I ask myself how it makes me feel. If the answer is stressed, I don’t do it.” That’s probably a good way to decide.
Get rid of everything that doesn’t bring you joy.
Do a toxic purge. What are those things or people that stress you out? If it’s closet clutter, clean it out and donate it. If it’s social media, take a break. If you have haters in your social media friend list, it’s time to clean house. The feeling of throwing out your toxic trash is healing.
Be grateful. See blessings, not burdens.
I have issues like everyone else, but I also know I am incredibly blessed. When I start to have a pity party, I usually see someone who is struggling with so much more than I am. I also know that some people see a burden where others see a blessing. I remember when my children were little, I wished I could have some time to read, now my best day is when they come to visit.
Treat yourself with respect.
How do you talk to yourself? Do you tear yourself down and say you can’t do anything right? Switch that to speaking about yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself as if you are speaking to your best friend.
Expand your connections.
I decided I needed more good people in my community, so I started connecting with friends of friends that I valued and admired. I know the running community is full of extraordinary people, so I committed to going to at least one race a month to stay active with the running community. We all need a community, so build yours with people you enjoy.
Check in with yourself and others.
Take time to reflect on your situation. Are you happy? Are there changes you need to make? Check on friends and family to make sure they are not struggling silently. Be aware of the person who suddenly becomes unusually quiet.
Practice kindness.
Kindness will help you as much as it will help others. It feels good to help others and it often starts a domino effect. You do something kind and others follow your lead.
Drink water.
I have to confess that I don’t like water but I drink it because I know the benefits. Here are a few of those benefits. Water helps maintain body temperature, supports circulation, and keeps organs functioning properly. It boosts energy and focus. It supports digestion and improves physical performance.
Move.
If I could pick one thing that could make a huge difference, it would be movement. Regular movement supports physical health, mental health, and long-term quality of life. It builds and maintains muscles and bones. It boosts your mood and relieves stress. It can help with sleep, improves flexibility, and lowers the risk of some conditions. You can walk, stretch, dance, garden, strength train, ride a bike, or swim.
Eat clean.
Do your best to avoid highly processed food. Look at the list of ingredients. If the list is long and lists things you can’t even pronounce, you should consider choosing something else. Remember that the first thing on the list is the most used ingredient in the product.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
You might see perfection, but often that perfect exterior is hiding something ugly with burdens you don’t want to carry. Be grateful for the blessings you have.
Sleep well.
Sleep affects everything because it’s our body’s chance to recharge and recover. Sleep helps the brain process and store information. Poor sleep is linked to stress, anxiety, and depression. Sleep strengthens the immune system. Keep a consistent sleep schedule, limit screens before bed, avoid heavy meals or caffeine late at night. Keep the bedroom cool, dark, and quiet.
Allow yourself to rest.
Do you feel guilty if you are not being productive? Taking the time to slow down and rest can renew you mentally and physically.
Reduce the noise.
Put your phone down and disconnect completely. Social media comes with so many emotions and drama. Taking some time away from it can be healing. I love to watch the news, but some nights I choose quiet instead.
Learn to let go.
I have held onto some toxic situations and people way longer than I should have, but it taught me that letting go of something harmful is not giving up, it’s healthy.
It’s o.k. to not be o.k.
When you are struggling, ask for help. Pushing down your hurt or needs will only do more harm. Be transparent about your situation.
Don’t give up.
The difference between don’t give up and learn to let go is whether you are doing something you love and chasing the dream, or refusing to admit that something or someone is not good for you. I had a friend who was extremely toxic for me. Although my family kept telling me to walk away from her, I kept making excuses for what she did until the final betrayal when I realized I was chasing someone who was against me instead of for me. On the other hand, my journey in writing has not been easy and monetary success is not always within my grasp, but I will continue to do it because it is a passion for me.
Learn from failure.
Failure has a nasty sting, but it is a mighty teacher. We all have stories of failure, but if we walk away with a lesson that makes us better then it’s worth it. When something doesn’t work, do a reset and figure out how to do it another way.
Believe in yourself.
Self-doubt is a dream killer that only holds you back. Believe in yourself and keep stepping out of your comfort zone to grow. I love the quote that says something is only impossible until you do it.
Have a growth mindset.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t have all the knowledge you need at the moment. Say things to yourself like. “I don’t know how to do that…yet.” Give yourself grace and have the attitude that you will keep working on what you need to succeed.
Walk away from people who don’t see your value.
People can be exhausting, especially those who are self-absorbed and convinced that if you cannot add something to their lives then you don’t count. You are wonderfully made, so don’t waste your time trying to convince someone that you matter.
Make small goals, crush them, then make bigger ones.
When you make goals that are too big, you might end up frustrated if that goal becomes overwhelming. Break that big goal into smaller pieces and crush it piece by piece. You will gain confidence and motivation.
Most writers will tell you that making money as a writer is a struggle and it takes time and patience. You have to build an audience that trusts and supports you, you need to write consistently, and you need to find the platforms and marketing that works for you.
There are times when I feel like nothing I am doing is working financially and I question whether I should stop trying to prove to my family that I am pursuing writing as a financially viable career and not a hobby. Then I remember how much I love to write and how many people say my words have helped them, so I try to reinvent my strategy and try something different.
I have published 11 books, 5 children’s books, 2 self-helps, a running book, a romance, a teacher’s guide, and a travel guide to France. I have another children’s book and a writing book about to be released. I write on several different online platforms. I vend my books at the local craft markets as well, but all that activity has not earned me much money, so I am going to create some digital products and offer them on Patreon and Gumroad.
Digital products allow me to offer my writing to readers at an affordable cost. At the moment I have two books of encouragement and a travel guide to Paris. I will continue to put up products that will help with positivity, parenting, running, and travel. What would you like me to write about?
I hope you will take a look at the products that I have loaded at Gumroad.
Don’t you wish there was a foolproof guidebook for those tricky parenting moments? When I discovered I was pregnant, I read all the books and I thought I was ready, but I had no idea what a roller coaster experience I was going to have. I remember telling the doctor that I couldn’t get my daughter on a schedule. He tried not to laugh while he told me that babies make their own schedules. That was only the beginning of figuring everything out along the way.
Most days I thought I was doing a terrible job, I was terrified that my daughter would not survive my attempts at parenting, and I compared myself to those women who were impeccably dressed while I usually had spit up on my shoulder. Those women seemed to handle parenting with ease and elegance while I could barely remember my name as I stumbled around in a sleep deprived daze.
I wish someone would have given me a hug and told me it would be okay. I’m here to tell that today to anyone who needs to hear it. Here are five basic rules of parenting that will make your life easier.
United we stand and consistency. Children can smell the weak link a mile away, so if you are parenting with a partner work together not separately. Your child will try to play you against each other, so a united front is crucial. Decide together what consequences are appropriate and stick to that decision. This technique will continue no matter how old your child is. I’ll give you an example. My adult nephew came to stay with us while he went to school for his masters. The first night he came, he caused an uproar that was not acceptable for us. Before I went to talk to him, I went to my husband’s office to make sure we were on the same page. We both agreed on the consequences and when I went to talk to him, I threw in standing at his door in silence while giving him the stank look.
If you are a single parent, discipline the same way consistently, so your child knows
what to expect. When my children were younger, I rarely had to tell them what the
punishment was. They would say, “I know. I’m grounded.”
Teach them that actions have consequences. One of my hardest disciplinary decisions was when my daughter partied her way through her first year of college and ended up on academic probation. When she finished her fourth year, I told her I had promised to pay for four years, so she could pay for the fifth. She told me later that my decision had been a good lesson, but it was rough on my emotions.
Stay calm. This one was hard for me and I’m ashamed to say I did a lot of yelling, but eventually I realized that everything went much better when I was the calm in the eye of the storm. Instead of allowing your emotions to take over, take a deep breath, decide what you can control and let go of the rest.
Always have a plan b. If you asked me what qualities does a parent need to survive, I would say a good sense of humor, kindness, creativity, resiliency, and flexibility. There will be so many times when you have everything planned perfectly, and then you watch those plans all dissolve in chaos. Be ready to pivot!
Keep everyone fed and rested. I’m talking about you too. Parenting is hard work, so you need to be properly fueled. Carry snacks with you. Even during our last trip, my 39-year-old daughter said, “Mom, what do you have for snacks.”
Jennifer’s writing 