Jennifer’s writing

We have seen enough studies to know that negativity and stress can harm our health, and positivity can improve it. It would seem obvious then that everyone should have a positive attitude, but it isn’t always that simple. Some of us do not have personalities or attitudes that easily translate into positivity, others still are not convinced of the benefits, and many have no idea about how to introduce positivity into their lives. Positivity takes training and consistency.

Send out positive thoughts

I have always been a positive person in general when it comes to being happy and hopeful, but I knew I needed to work harder on believing in myself and believing that I could make good things happen. I started to speak positively to influence the outcome with my positive belief that it would happen. An example would be when we pulled into a crowded restaurant parking lot, I would say, “We are going to get right in. There won’t be a wait.” The first few times, my family laughed and said, “Right. We are going to have to wait.” I would make them laugh by telling them I was sending out positivity and it was going to work. I wish you could have seen their faces the first three times when we walked into a crowded restaurant and were seated right away. Now, they all believe it works and if I say something negative, my daughters will say, “Mom, don’t put that out in the universe!” Give positive phrases a try, and I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

Change your words.

Listen to what you and the people around you say. How often are your words negative? Start catching yourself when you say something negative and change it into a positive. Start saying positive things to other people. Find a compliment you can give or proclaim your faith in his ability. Start using phrases that start with, “I will”, and “I can.”

Be grateful

No matter what your situation is, there are things to be grateful for in your life. Make a list where you can see it and add to it as you think of new things.

Welcome in the positive

I say to myself every day, “I pray for only good things. Please let me lift people up and not tear them down.”

Surround yourself with positive words and people

The people around you influence your attitude. Positivity and negativity are catchy, so choose the better option. Have positive words where you can see them, and listen to positive podcasts.

I have my dog’s personality

If you have read any of my articles about my dog, you know that I joke about his personality traits that are sometimes a lot to handle, but I am so in love with this dog, even the crazy parts of him. Anyways, this morning I was out throwing the Frisbie with him, and as he ran off to subdue a stick, I suddenly realized that I am like my dog in many ways. Let me explain with this list of traits we share.

Hyperactivity

I cannot sit still for long. When someone talks about a twofer (watching two movies back-to-back), I can’t even imagine. If I sit down to watch television, I must be doing another activity as well. I don’t like not feeling productive. Bandit has the same energy. When he is finally lying quietly, I’m afraid to move and break the spell. I think he is so excited about all the possibilities for fun that he doesn’t want to miss a second.

Impatience

I don’t do well waiting to do something. I want it to happen right away. I need action. Bandit will bring you a tennis ball to throw, and he will bring it closer and to different spots. If you still don’t throw the ball, he will take one item at a time out of his toy box and bring them to you. He doesn’t understand that you might be busy, he wants you to interact with him now.

The need to be loved

Bandit cannot stand it when you are disappointed in him. He will love on you and give you a pitiful look until you assure him that he is amazing. I don’t need to be convinced of that, but it is important to me to feel loved by the people I care about.

A love of food

I am always hungry and so is Bandit. My mood drops to a dangerous level if I am hungry for too long. It is so bad that if we are on a road trip, and I say I am hungry, my husband gets a panicked look and starts looking for the nearest exit.

A love of running

Running feels like freedom for me, and I think Bandit feels the same. It is just a different type of freedom for the two of us. When Bandit runs, he releases all the extra energy, racing towards adventure and squirrels. When I run, the freedom comes in movement and clearing my mind.

A love of people

I love talking to people, watching them, and inventing scenarios for their lives, and I especially love helping them if I can. Bandit doesn’t think anyone is a stranger, and he is going to give the next person as much love as the last.

A positive response to meanness

One of the traits I love about Bandit is that when another dog becomes a little aggressive, Bandit has avoidance techniques instead of engaging in aggressive behavior. I have interacted with quite a few toxic people, and although I have had to confront a few about their behavior, I would rather be the better person than to imitate them.

My husband shared a water bottle with our grandson who had just recovered from a stomach bug, and of course, my husband was ill two days later. I tried to keep my distance, but I’m feeling a little off myself. I started to think about the way different people deal with illness, and it made me wonder what causes the differences. Let me tell you about how several people I know and how they handle illness, and I hope you can relate.

My husband sees illness as a weakness. He is also a horrible nurse. It is so bad that my daughters have sworn to me that if I am ever seriously ill, they will check on me regularly. When he says he doesn’t feel well, we all start to worry because we know it is serious.

I fight illness and do not want to give in to it because there are so many things I want to do. I told my youngest this morning that I didn’t feel well, and she said, “Mom, go back to bed! Why are you trying to fight it? Of course, she is the voice of reason. We should take care of ourselves, and when our bodies aren’t performing at full capacity, we should rest.   

My daughters both realize that when illness strikes, you should let your body heal, and it’s o.k. to ask for help. They ask for all the cures I have used on them through the years, and I love helping them feel better.

I have a friend who is going through breast cancer, and the doctors say they have never seen anyone have such a bad reaction to treatment. On top of cancer, she has to have stomach surgery. When I was speaking with her, I was humbled by her courage and her attitude. She said, “Well, I have to tell myself that this is another hurdle to get over, and when I do, I’ll be on the road to recovery.”

So, why do people have different attitudes about illness? I don’t think there is one answer. I think it depends on your personality, your environment, and how you were raised. How do you deal with illness?

When your dog plays all in

I am sure that everyone who saw the news piece with the dog that ran into the gorilla’s cage was on the edge of their chair praying that the dog made it to safety. My second thought was my dog Bandit could have been the dog in there. His attitude is, “Oh look, an opening! I’m going in!” The dog in the gorilla cage is proof of how dangerous that can be. When I let him out in the morning, Bandit doesn’t calmly go down the stairs. He takes them five at a time, and sprints into the woods, unless an unsuspecting neighbor is out enjoying the morning calm. Then he tears over to them, leaping on them and trying to lick them into submission. I follow in his wake, apologizing to anyone he has encountered. Have you seen the ad where the woman is using her visa card to buy things to replace because her dog has destroyed them, and she is constantly saying I’m sorry? That’s me without the visa card. Anyways, rushing head-on into the unknown territory can be dangerous for a dog, so my dog trainer friend, Lynn came to my rescue again. It is fairly easy to teach your dog to stay near you when you are concerned about safety. Put some treats in your pocket and say the command, “Stay with me., or “With me.” Praise the dog when he does it and keep working on it until you know he has learned the trick.  Bandit forgets sometimes, but seriously, there are so many things to sniff and people to meet. I just want him to do it safely.

The second situation when playing all in, and by that I mean you are willing to risk life or limb for something, is when we play Frisbee. It is very cool to see how high he can go to catch the frisbee. He stays suspended in the air for a minute, and then lands lightly on the ground, except when he doesn’t. He is determined to catch the frisbee, and he will contort his body to do it. This morning, he twisted and caught it, but landed with a smack on his side. I stood there for a minute and prayed he was ok. He must have known I was scared, (this dog’s ability to read your emotions is amazing.” Because he came over with that look that says you may pet me and adore me now, and then he ran off to conquer a stick. My friend Lynn has a dog who also plays all in. He has broken two teeth because he is going to retrieve an object at all costs. Lynn will not let him play in a small area because she says there is more potential for injury.

If you have a dog that plays all in, just find ways to ensure his safety, and don’t attempt to see how far he can push that all-in mentality because it can end badly. If you haven’t figured out from my other articles about my dog, I love him, I laugh at the crazy and the non-stop energy, I only want to make sure he will be safe.

Surround yourself with what matters

Surrounding yourself with the right people and things can make a huge difference in your life. My office is a great example of this. I have a comfy couch placed to the side of my desk that is perfect for when a family member comes in to talk about life or what has happened that day. It’s also perfect for a nap on a rainy day, or a spot to edit some writing. My office is full of everything that makes me happy. There are bright-colored roses, photos of family, friends, and animals, special notes, journals, and a vision board to remind me of my goals. We should all surround ourselves with the people and things that bring us joy.

The right people

Good friends and family are like precious jewels. Be thankful for them, spend time with them, and make sure they know how much you appreciate them. They say that you are like the five people you spend the most time around, so choose wisely.

Inspiration

We all need to see someone who refuses to accept failure or challenges. The courage to strive for goals in life despite the roadblocks that can hold you back is a quality I think we all would like to have. I have several photos up of people who inspire me, so I can remember not to complain about something silly when other people have survived major issues.

Color

I love bright colors, so I have several bouquets of roses to brighten up the room. My computer background is a meadow full of flowers of vibrant colors. Color can lighten your mood and give you a boost when you need it.

Nature

I have plants everywhere. I am fascinated by the way things grow, and I love having a variety of plants around me.

Comfort

I have quite a few things on my desk that comfort me. I have a picture from my wedding day when we were back at my house for a reception after the reception. The picture is of myself and my brother-in-law, but in the background, my parents are peeking around us with big grins. I found the picture one day when I was missing them badly, and it was as if they were saying, “Here we are!” I also have a picture of my son when he was four, and I remember the moment so clearly. We had just had a snowstorm, and he could not wait to go play in the snow. He was heading down the stairs when he turned and said, “Mom, are you coming?!” I have sweet notes from students and snippets of wisdom.

Motivation

I have a vision board up to remind me of my goals. I also have a few signs with messages that are important to me. One says, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”, and another says, “Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.”

These are only some things that work for me. What do you need to surround yourself with to create some joy?

Silence is comfortable

There are times when you feel you have to fill every moment with conversation, but with a friend, silence is comfortable. You enjoy being with each other, and there is nothing to prove because you know each other.

He knows you well

A good friend knows what you like, what your dreams are, and what you would do or say in any situation. He knows your story.

He is your cheerleader

A good friend celebrates your success instead of being jealous. He says, “Of course, you were chosen.” Instead of, “Why were you chosen?” He sees your good qualities and ignores the bad.

He shows up when you need it

Life can throw you some zingers, and a good friend shows up even when things get messy. Several years ago, my husband had a small stroke. I sent a note to some friends and asked them to pray for John to be o.k. My friend Donna was at the hospital in record time. I will never forget her willingness to support me when I needed her.

He motivates you

I have a running buddy with whom I have a healthy competition. We check with each other to see who has more steps for the day, and when we go to races, we are always trying to beat each other. At one race, I was almost over the finish line when suddenly, he came sprinting past me. We were running a half-marathon and he was ahead of me. I caught him at mile eleven and noticed he was struggling. I pulled up next to him and said, “Hey!” The look on his face was priceless as he got a second wind and sped off down the road.

He makes you laugh

A good friend shares your sense of humor and laughs easily with you.

He is a voice of reason

I am super sensitive, so having a friend who can show me the reality of the situation is good for me.

You don’t need to have a lot of friends, you only need one or two really good ones.

I was a teacher for forty years and I retired last year because my daughter wanted me to help her with my grandson. When the question was asked if teachers should be armed, I had several reactions.

My first reaction was that everyone should do the job she is trained to do. I can tell you as someone who experienced it, that teachers are overworked and underpaid. Most schools offer teachers thirty minutes for lunch that shrinks to 15-20 because students want to talk after class, someone needs help, and the lunch line takes forever to get through. There are also meetings during lunch as well as club activities. There is barely time to go to the bathroom. When Covid hit, teachers were given even more duties while having to be more creative and innovative and balance teaching both in class and remote instruction. Adding something as intense as being responsible for gun use in the classroom might be one more thing to push good teachers out of the classroom.

What if we allow teachers to teach as they were trained to do and bring in more security personnel who have been adequately trained to check safety measures, and protect both students and school personnel?

My second thought was that schools need to practice and talk about security measures more. My last school did a great job as far as implementing security measures and practicing lockdown procedures. The school brought in a man who oversaw a security company speak to small groups about what to do if a shooter was in the school. He came to each classroom and showed the teacher where to move students in a lockdown and what could be placed against the door to keep the shooter out. We practiced lockdown drills where a piece of black Velcro was placed over classroom door windows and doors which should always be in the locked position were closed. Teachers were told not to reopen their doors until an announcement was made that the lockdown was done. I’m sure the system was not perfect, but we were having important discussions and preparing for a difficult situation.

My next reaction was that if you have fifty teachers and you arm them, that’s fifty chances for guns to get in the wrong hands or to be used improperly. Where will the guns be stored? How will they be trained? Where will the money come from?

We have many topics to discuss about guns, but I hope we decide to say no to arming teachers with guns.

Most families have at least a few issues they have to work through. As parents, we have to find the right balance of love and guidance. The guidance involves discipline that isn’t always easy to navigate. There are so many things that have the potential to drive a family apart, so what is the glue that keeps them together? Here are a few that have helped me with my three children.

Understanding

Each of my three children is radically different, so I cannot treat them the same way. When my two older children were younger, I could talk to them sternly if they had done something wrong, but my youngest will burst into tears if you show any anger.

Jess is driven, independent, funny, and tough. Tyler deals only in the moment, he is easygoing and wants to do a million interesting things, Kate is kind, quiet, wise, and anxious. I have learned that I have to understand their differences and allow them to find what makes them happy.

Forgiveness

Part of being a family is being able to forgive each other. When Jess was a teen, she and I fought a lot. We were so angry at each other. Now, we have reconnected and apologized for not understanding each other.

Laughter

We laugh a lot as a family. We see the humor in everything, and we laugh until we cry. It is so bad that if we are out in public, we try to control ourselves, but inevitably we are laughing like fools. Laughter makes you happy, and it makes memories.

Unconditional love

Your family should be the people who love you even when you are at your worse. They are there to pick you back up when you fail. Love can mean hard discipline too because you know that the consequences of bad decisions will teach a valuable lesson. Jessica decided to party her way through her first year of college and was placed on academic probation which meant she would have to do a fifth year to graduate. At the end of her fourth year, I told her I had agreed to pay for four years, so she would have to pay for the fifth year. It was hard for me to tell her that, but she told me later that it was a good lesson for her.

Families need to have understanding, love, laughter, and forgiveness, and if they can maintain those, they will find the glue that holds families together.

I have had so many conversations with people where the phrase, “and then covid.” Is part of the sentence. The pandemic has changed so many aspects of our lives, but what I find so hopeful is how much resilience we have shown with these changes in our lives. Here are a few examples.

The lockdown

A total lockdown was something that most of us had never experienced, and it required us to be creative, resilient, kind, understanding, inventive, and patient.

I was a teacher when the pandemic first hit. We were given a day to collect everything we needed from school and prepare to teach online the next day. Most of us did not have much experience teaching with zoom, and the students didn’t know what to expect. I was so nervous in the first class because I was afraid that the technology would not work for me, but everything was fine. The first thing I did was make sure the students were o.k. They were afraid and not sure what was going to happen next. One student asked me if God was going to destroy us. I established communication first by creating a group me chat that students could use to reach me, and I gave them all my cell phone number. Both forms of communication came in handy many times, including the time I turned off the zoom instead of the power point, and a student texted, “Madame, are you coming back?” They could tell me if they were having issues with connection, or if they had a question. Teaching had to become more creative and interactive to engage the students.

Jobs

Restaurants had to close for public dining, so they turned to take-out orders. I know many restaurants suffered, but I have also heard many stories of customers supporting the local restaurants. I am still trying to figure out where all the workers went after the shutdown, but maybe many have been creative about working from home or starting new jobs. Business owners have had to be creative to make things work. I hope the public shows appreciation for those workers who show up.

Food

I was so proud of our country when people stepped up to help feed the people who needed it. Farmers donated produce and those who could donated to food banks. We are dealing with shortages on the shelf at the grocery store now and learning to pivot again. My daughter has a one-year-old and I have seen through her how mothers are working together to help each other find enough formula. This is the way our country should be, united to prosper. I have to admit that I am intrigued by what is missing on the shelves. The day the cheese-its were missing was when I became concerned. (only kidding…well, I was upset.)

Mental health

We have dealt with a lot in the last few years. Many of us have lost loved ones and jobs, felt isolated, stressed, and so on. I have heard myself saying repeatedly, “What in the world is going on?”. I hope we will continue to reach out and be kind to each other, and I hope those who need it will find professional help. We all need to heal in some way.

Physical health

I know for some of my friends the pandemic has been a wake-up call to work on their health. I have a friend who is still suffering from symptoms of having Covid a year ago. I had mind-numbing fatigue for two months after I had it. We cannot foresee everything, but we can do our best to be in good health, and keep our immune systems strong.

I know there are many other examples of people making the best of a bad situation, and I am praying for those that have been hit hard by Covid. I hope we keep fighting this illness by stepping up for each other and being resilient.

When I was seven, I was confirmed in the Catholic church. During the process, I somehow missed the memo that I was supposed to pick a patron saint. The truth is that at seven I don’t think I knew the names of any saints. We were standing in a line and one by one people were telling Father Noonan who they had picked for their patron saint. Not only did I not have the name of a saint ready, but I also was terrified of Father Noonan, so at that point, my day was not going well. I tapped the shoulder of the woman in front of me and asked her who she was picking for her patron saint. She said, “St. Theresa.” I know you are not surprised to learn that St. Theresa is now my patron saint.

Many years went by without much mention of my patron saint except that I was excited to find out that my older sister had picked St. Theresa as well and had done some research before picking her. My sister told me about her when I was stressed about the decision to change careers, leaving the school where I was, and trying to make it as a writer. My teaching job was too demanding and I was so tired that I was becoming nauseous and dizzy. It was time for a change, but the decision was not easy. I was speaking with my sister about it and as an aside mentioned that I had some beautiful roses in the kitchen. That is when she mentioned her patron saint was St. Theresa, and her symbol was the rose. She said anytime you see roses, it means everything will be okay.

As soon as I made my decision to leave my job, I started to see roses everywhere. They were on the side of the Chinese take-out box, and even on the toilet paper in Outback. You might say that the roses were only coincidences, but they were comforting to me. I decided to learn more about my patron saint. She was French, a writer, and a Carmelite nun, she died at 24, and she was stubborn. I did not think to find out where she was from in France.

That summer, I took a school trip to France. We were in a small town called Lisieux having an afternoon snack. One of the students asked if we could go see the town’s cathedral, so we walked leisurely to it. I was still nervous about my decision, and when I opened the door the first thing I saw was a sign that said, “Trust in God, don’t be afraid.” I felt like the message was for me. I wandered over to the gift shop and started talking to the lady in charge. I asked her, “Why is everything in here about St. Thérèse?” She replied, “This is her cathedral.” She then told me everything about my patron saint while I kept thinking that it was strange that I just walked into my patron saint’s cathedral without even knowing it.

Later that summer, I had an encounter with a psychic who asked me who my gardener was. I laughed and told her I did not have a gardener. She told me she saw my house surrounded by roses. That afternoon, I was sitting on the porch when a neighbor passed by on her walk. She called up to me, “Jen, where is the smell of roses coming from? It’s so strong down here.” My husband decided it was a good idea to surround the house with roses, so now my house is surrounded by them.

Roses continue to show up at important times. When my children were born, my husband did not want them to be baptized, but when Kait was thirteen, and Jess was twenty-three, they decided they wanted to be baptized. Instead of being dunked in water, the pastor turned to a large floral display and pulled out a rose, put it in water, and sprinkled both girls with the water. I have watched many baptisms since then, and he has not used a rose again.

I have roses around me always. I may not have known which saint to pick at confirmation, but I know how blessed I am that I chose St. Thérèse.