Jennifer’s writing

I am not a master gardener, but I love working in the garden. I sing out there, give the plants pep talks, and eat amazing vegetables all summer. I can feel any stress melt away out there. I love to experiment with new things, and this summer everything I tried worked. My husband enclosed the main garden after the third year of the deer eating all my corn the day before I was going to harvest it.

I have had several people tell me they would love to have a garden, but they do not have enough space. You can still have a garden with little space if you are willing to be creative. Here are a few ideas.

We were watching a show called Return to The Chateau and they went into a huge meadow that had been tilled and let the two children scatter wildflower seeds everywhere. I don’t have a meadow, but I had the neighborhood children come over and scatter seeds in our little plot. It is just starting to bloom and it is going to be extraordinary!

I wanted to try growing potatoes this year, but I had no idea how to do it. A youtube video and potatoes from Amazon and I was ready to go. My husband built this three-tiered planter for me for strawberries, but they did not do well. The potatoes are flourishing mostly because there is so much room in the first two tiers for them to grow down.

Strawberries are my favorite fruit, and they have done so well in this planter that I bought online. It even has a chalkboard on the back for children to draw on.

I wanted to grow melons, but I didn’t have any more room, so my husband said, “Let’s go to Home Depot, I have an idea. Look how he put this box together! It took him a half-hour! I only planted them several days ago, so cross your fingers that they grow.

I used a lot of containers this year. My daughter did her whole garden in containers on her back porch. I also started several things inside and then transplanted them.

My husband also made these flower boxes to mount on the walls, but he has been so bust that I just stood them up against the garden.

I hope these ideas give you some help in making use of space for a garden.

I’m sure I am not the only one who is feeling unsettled with everything going on in the world right now. The truth is I have wanted to write this article for a while, but I have struggled with emotions about this topic, especially after the shooting at an elementary school in Texas. Let’s recap a few of the spots where hate has shown up, and I apologize that I will not name them all. We have seen gun violence including group killings, road rage, and as a way to resolve an argument. There continues to be prejudice against groups and individuals because of race, religion, gender, and nationality. Instead of working together as Americans, some of us want to label our problems as republican or democratic, and instead of having calm dialogues and solving problems, we throw crazy accusations at each other. I believe we live in an incredible country, but right now we have to make a stand against hate and violence. Don’t let hate win.

Where does hate come from? Silvia Dutchevici, LCSW, president and founder of the Critical Therapy Center, says, “We are taught to hate the enemy — meaning anyone different than us — which leaves little room for vulnerability and an exploration of hate through empathic discourse and understanding. In our current society, one is more ready to fight than to resolve conflict. Peace is seldom the option.”

Behavioral researcher Patrick Wanis says, “When we feel threatened by perceived outsiders, we instinctively turn toward our in-group—those with whom we identify—as a survival mechanism”. Wanis explains, “Hatred is driven by two key emotions of love and aggression: One love for the in-group—the group that is favored; and two, aggression for the out-group—the group that has been deemed as being different, dangerous, and a threat to the in-group.”

Psychologist Bernard Golden, author of Overcoming Destructive Anger: Strategies That Work, says, “Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to regain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering.”

Here are a few things to fight hate.

Have calm dialogues with a diverse group of people. Ask questions.

Surround hate victims with comfort and protection.

Don’t deal in absolutes like believing an entire group of people is responsible for our issues.

Stand up to promote tolerance and inclusion.

Report hate crimes.

Turn the talk away from hate to unity.

Interact with a diverse group of people.

Maintain a respectful, inclusive attitude.

Make an effort to understand someone instead of judging them.

Pray.

Hate is an attack on our mental health and our community strength. Hate groups want to divide people and inspire fear. Don’t let them.

We are going through some crazy times right now, and even though it isn’t the first time that our world has thrown the same issues at us, we can feel battered and bruised. I hope we are never numb to injustice or loss of life or the myriad of issues we need to solve as humans, but I also know that we can confront everything the best when we can also find some healing. Considering everything going on in the world today, we need to tap into our resources. Here are a few simple ways to find some calm and relief before stepping back into the struggle to improve the issues.

Disconnect occasionally

We are barraged by information from all sides, and it often is a conflicting message. Social media compounds the problem by adding or attacking opinions. If you feel emotions strongly like I do, you can be overwhelmed by everything that people reveal.

Find the quiet

Even the most outgoing, positive, sociable person needs a quiet place to escape from time to time. You can turn your commute in the morning into a chance to listen to music, reflect, or bask in quiet. Books are the ultimate escape. Being outside is therapeutic. Whether you go for a walk, sit on your porch, or swing in a hammock, taking in the beauty around you is calming.

Cook something

There is something soothing about preparing food, and eating it afterward is always fun.

Listen to music

Music is a healer. I listen to the message, or simply let it wash over me. I always feel better.

Sleep

Sometimes the best answer to being worn out mentally and physically is to curl up and sleep. A good nap can restore you.

When I make renewal a regular practice, it changes my attitude toward everything else I do.

Retro summer activities

Our budgets are stretched with high gas prices and grocery bills, so if we can find something for free it is a bonus. I was talking with my husband about all the activities available in the summer and we started to talk about what we did in the summer growing up and we agreed that all of those are still fun, so I am giving you some ideas from my past for free summer fun.

Find a swimming hole

Most towns have a place to swim that only the locals know about and of course it is the best place to go. Where I grew up there was a public lake where both locals and tourists went, but there was also a lake on top of a mountain where only the locals went. It was so clean and beautiful, and the locals made sure to keep it that way. Find the spot to go swimming near you.

Locate a creek

The creek isn’t for swimming, it’s for putting your feet in cold water while your dogs and children play nearby. My two oldest could play near our creek for hours looking for creatures and staying cool. We have a local park with a creek in the back, so you never know where you might find one.

Picnic

All you need is a blanket, your favorite food and drink, and a pretty place to eat it. The best is when everyone picks out their favorite food at the store and then everyone puts the food out to share. Make sure you remember dessert.

Go barefoot

There is something so relaxing about walking barefoot in summer. Make sure you move up the hot steps extra fast though.

Porch stories

After dinner, sit on the porch and tell stories. Invite your neighbors over to join you.

Water balloon fights

What could be better on hot days than water balloons? You will laugh, get some exercise, and cool off at the same time.

Frozen root beer

Put some mason jars in the freezer for a few hours and then fill them with root beer, or root beer and ice cream.

Chase fireflies

Even at my age, I still love seeing fireflies in the summer. Find some cups and let your children catch them and then let them go. Our neighbor’s dog eats them, so that’s an issue.

Take a nap in the porch swing

Summer is great for early evening naps on the porch.

My last memory of things I loved about summer is watching thunderstorms. We had a carport, so it was safe to watch them outside. My dad and I would watch the storm come over the mountain. When it was done, we would watch the steam rise like clouds from the rain.    

There are several things I always want to have around either because they have multi-purpose uses, or I use them so often. Here is my list of essential everyday items.

A first aid kit

My husband was surprised when he found out I had one of these in my classroom. He said, “You teach them French. How do they hurt themselves conjugating verbs?” I had to tell him that I had at least two people ask me for a band-aid every day, and I have learned not to ask too many questions. Every house needs basic first aid items which for me are band-aids, antibiotic cream, and Benadryl spray to relieve the itch from bug bites. Because I don’t pick my feet up much when I run, trail races require a med kit because my feet will find every root and rock out there. I have fallen so often that my friends ask me if I brought the med kit if we are running trails.

Baking soda

This is one of the multi-purpose items. You can brush your teeth with it, clean things, use it to deodorize your fridge, and bake with it! I’m sure I left a few things off the list.

Vaseline

When you run long distances, your clothes can chafe you. After my first marathon, I had a line of bloody skin under the bottom of my sports bra. That is not pleasant when you hop into the shower. Vaseline can act as a barrier, and it is much cheaper than the body glide that running stores sell. Vaseline is wonderful as a lip balm or for chapped skin in winter. It is also useful if your rings are stuck on your finger.

Duct tape

This is another multi-purpose item. It can hold a box together, repair furniture, or mark a space on the floor. There is even a competition to make clothing out of duct tape.

Coffee

There are mornings when the thought of a steaming cup of coffee can get me out of bed. It is a comfortable way to start the day.  

Animals

I will always have at least one animal in my house. They make me laugh, calm me, and give me love.

I love summer food. I think it tastes fresher and has more taste. I especially love eating what comes out of the garden. What are your favorite summer foods? Here are a few of mine.

Anything cooked on the grill

When I think of summer food, the first thing that comes to mind is cooking on the grill. It doesn’t matter what you prefer to eat on the grill, it all tastes better and it smells amazing as it is cooking.

Corn on the cobb

One of my worst summers was when I had braces and couldn’t eat corn on the cob. It is still one of my favorite foods, but it tastes sweeter in the summer.

Watermelon

I still am not sure how to pick a ripe watermelon even though I will pick it up in the market and sniff it as if I know, but I have never bought one that doesn’t taste amazing. You can eat as much of it as you want without any guilt.

Cucumbers

I can eat the small cucumbers that have come straight from the garden all day. I cut them down the middle and sprinkle salt and pepper on them.

Popsicles

The great thing about popsicles is you can make them with anything you want. Pour the liquid into a popsicle mold, put it in the freezer, and voilà you have a cool treat.

Ice cream

When the temperatures rise, ice cream is there to cool us down. We used to have an ice cream truck that would come to our street every Saturday. When we heard that bell, everyone would lose their mind and start yelling, “Ice cream!!” as we all ran for the street.

Strawberries

We love to go strawberry picking and it is my favorite fruit, but my true confession is that I like the fried pies at the orchard even more than the strawberries.

Blueberries

We bought a blueberry plant two years ago and this is the first year that it has produced fruit, so I call it the blueberry twig instead of a bush. I love the taste of fresh fruit.

Potato salad

There are so many versions of this dish. My favorite is light on the mayonnaise with some tiny bits of carrots mixed in it.

S’mores

These are perfect around the fire at night after the children chase the fireflies.

One of the men who went to my gym had won a 5k the Saturday before, so I asked him, “What is your advice for running fast?” He replied, “You have to run fast.” Now, I could have been offended by the terse reply, and the condescending tone it was delivered in, but he did have a point. If you want to run fast, you have to put in the time to train your body to be fast. There are runners who are just naturally fast. I have a friend who is super-fast and only runs when he races. Most of us need a little more training than that.

I was a cross-country coach for many years, and I know what worked to make my runners faster. Let me share a few ideas with you.

Run hills

If you can find a short loop where you are running flat for a while, then have an uphill, downhill, and back to the flat, you have an ideal way to run hills. A loop like that gives you a chance to build up momentum for the hill, then as you crest the hill you have some time to rest before climbing the hill again.

Run long

Running long builds endurance and makes the shorter runs seem easy.

Run races

I use running races on the weekend as my speed work. It is fun, I can ask elite athletes questions, and I can work on speed and pacing.

Do fartleks

Fartleks are runs where you run fast for a while and then run slow.

Do tempo runs

Tempo runs are when you run at a consistent pace the whole run. It will train your body to endure the stress of that pace. I would hop on a treadmill at the gym and set it for the pace I wanted. I would run it as long as I could and then I would reduce the speed. I would repeat the pattern as long as I could.

We all want to be fast but remember that rest plays a big role too. Listen to your body and take a day off when you need it.

Life can throw some stressful situations at us as most of us are trying to multitask throughout our day. It is not always easy to maintain a sense of peace and calm, but I would like to suggest a few ways you might be able to destress a little.

Exercise

Movement is a great way to release emotions and calm your mind. A simple walk will do the trick. When I am running, I use the time to problem solve and it is also a time when I am the most creative. I often have to run inside to write down an idea. I also can release anger, anxiety, or frustration by letting them fall off behind me.

Music

Music can be a motivator and a calming influence. There are certain songs I like to listen to if I need to find some calm. My favorite is I can only imagine by Mercy Me. Those piano chords start playing and I can feel the stress melt away. If I had a tough day and I feel battered and bruised, I need something to motivate me. I do not like to give up or give in, so I love In my blood by Shawn Mendes. Make a playlist to fit your moods.

Laugh

I cannot stay stressed when I start laughing. I feel the same way when I hear a child’s laughter or the type of laughter that is contagious. Do you have someone in your life that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts? That is my oldest daughter for me, and it also happened with my oldest sister. We only have to look at each other, and then hilarity ensues.

Dance it out

If you don’t dance in the kitchen to your choice of music while you sing at the top of your lungs, (sometimes the wrong words!) you might want to try it. It doesn’t matter if you are a terrible dancer like I am, just have fun.

Sleep

I become a different person if I am tired or hungry. Rest can do wonders for stress management.

Eat great food

Do you ever feel yourself relax when you sit down to eat a great meal? Good food is soothing.

Play with animals

Pets have a way of soothing our stress. They only want to be loved and love us back, and they don’t judge us or argue with us.

Disconnect

Take some time away from social media, e-mail, and the news. Spend some time in quiet.

My children like to say which parent gave them certain traits and characteristics. All three of my children suffer from different levels of anxiety and they correctly point the finger at me for passing it on to them. My husband is easygoing, he doesn’t worry about much, and I would describe the way he deals with his day as he takes what the day gives him and does his best with it. I am jealous of him because I can worry about anything, be nervous about what I say and do, and generally fight anxiety. My animals know how to calm me though.

I have two cats and a dog, and I am so blessed to have them because they are loving and full of personality. They make me laugh and they make me feel peaceful. Here are a few examples of how they help me.

I am wired to be productive or to feel guilty that I am not doing enough. That means that from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I am doing something, and not sitting still for long. I know I should rest more, but the minute I do, I start to think about what I should be doing. My cats are helping me start my morning a little slower because when I come into the kitchen, they both come running and asking for my attention. I have started to take a few minutes each morning to sit with them while they curl up next to me and purr. It calms me down to take a few minutes before my day starts. When I let my dog out of his crate, he doesn’t bolt for the door, he comes straight to me, licks my face, and rolls over so I can rub his belly. His loving personality calms me too. When I take him out, he waits at the top of the stairs for me with that look of, “C’mon, adventure awaits!”.

When I sit down to work, my office has three animals who want to be in the same room as me. I hear Bandit crunching on a bone, Lowkey is snoring, and Sophie is lying on her back in the sun. It is calming to know they are all keeping me company.

When I sit down at night to read, or watch television, I have to become situated quickly because Bandit will be dropping the tennis ball at my feet to throw, and the cats will be climbing into my lap. It is a quiet, calm way to end the day. Thank goodness for the calm that animals can bring to our lives.  

I have been married for forty years. It has not always been an easy adventure, but I would pick the same man again in a heartbeat. I have felt every emotion and become stronger through both the trials and the love. I know I have learned a great deal about maintaining a positive relationship. Allow me to share a few of these thoughts with you.

Don’t rush into marriage

Take your time to get to know your partner before you are married. My husband and I waited for two years until we were done with college and had begun our jobs. Become friends first before you become life partners.

Talk about the deal breakers

There are certain topics you should discuss before marriage. Some of those are money and how you will manage it, do you want children, religion, and living arrangements. You don’t want to have a surprise deal-breaker where you realize you never discussed how you felt about it.

Support your partner

I am always sad when I hear someone denigrating a partner in public. You should be able to feel that when everyone else seems against you, your partner will be your support. If you don’t agree on something, discuss it together in private. Don’t humiliate the person you profess to love. Encourage them to pursue dreams and passions.

Don’t expect to change your partner

Don’t marry someone as if he is a fixer-upper. You should love your partner for who he is, not who he could be.

Learn to compromise and pick your battles

Marriage involves a give and take. Sometimes you have to compromise. Also, realize that every issue is not a capital offense. Know when to plant the flag, and when to calmly talk it out.

Make time to date each other

You need time to date each other and spend time having fun. We have a date night each week, and we still love spending time with each other.

Build and maintain trust

Be honest with each other. Secrets are never good for a marriage.

Laugh together

There is no greater medicine than laughter. Have fun together and see the humor around you.

Apologize when you are wrong

I’m sorry is not always easy to say, but it can be very healing.