Jennifer’s writing

There are healthy ways to relax like exercise, gardening, reading, listening to music, laughing with friends, watching a movie, taking a nap, playing with an animal, or sitting on the porch and enjoying the quiet. All of those have the potential to renew you after a long day, but there is another very common practice we use to relax that can be dangerous.

Many of us use nicotine or alcohol to relax and if used in moderation, there would probably not be a problem. The issue though is when one drink or cigarette turns into several and continues to grow until you are dependent on what you used to see as a pleasant decompressor. I am not trying to be preachy, but I would love to help someone else avoid what I saw happen to two people I love.

My sister used to have a glass of wine after dinner, but the one glass gradually became a bottle as she was faced with breast cancer, divorce, and the loss of her partner. It happened over a long period of time, and by the time we realized how much she was drinking daily, she was completely dependent but refused to admit there was a problem.

My mom smoked her whole life, but I think she always thought she could stop whenever she wanted. Having a cigarette now and then turned into chain-smoking and she died of emphysema. She used to smoke a cigarette with her oxygen tank on which could have caused an explosion.

If you use substances to relax, be careful that instead of relaxing, you are trying to medicate yourself to avoid the roller coaster ride of life. Addiction can sneak up on you until instead of relaxing, you have another problem to worry about.

If you think you are alone in whatever you struggle with in life, I assure you that you are not. If you are hoping that no one ever finds out your family secrets because you think you will be judged, I need to tell you that most people have the same struggles or worse than what you are experiencing.

The best thing you can do is share what you are going through with someone you trust or with a professional because a burden is lighter when more than one person helps to carry it. Hiding it, making excuses, and worrying will chip away at your mental health until your issues are even bigger than they were before.

I have noticed that when a group of people is together for an extended period, the issues start to leak out as soon as people have read the room and deemed it safe to share. In any group of people, you will find at least some of the following: marriage struggles including issues with age differences, a controlling partner, infidelity, multiple divorces, alcoholism, single parenting, serious health issues, children with special needs, anxiety, and depression. These are just a few of the issues that come up in a group.

We are so much better together than we are alone, and when we are facing the struggles in life, it is easier to do it head-on like the warriors we need to be when we are surrounded by kindness, and friends that are willing to accept us with all our bumps and bruises instead of judging us for our flaws and burdens. If you know a single parent is going through cancer treatment while also caring for children, step in and offer help, if a neighbor has lost a job, collect money, and leave an anonymous donation, or make the neighbor meals, offer to spend a few minutes talking with an elderly neighbor. There are so many easy ways to help people with their burdens. I used to have a sign in my classroom that said, “You have no idea what the person next to you is going through. Be kind always.”

Is age just a number?

I love to people-watch because they fascinate me. I enjoy watching the interactions, and I am always interested in the stories of how people became who they are, and why they act the way they do whether that shows them at their best or on a bad day. One thing that disappoints me though is when I see someone who is allowing inactivity to age them too early or damage their health, or someone who is giving in to age.

Don’t focus on the negative aspects of aging

I don’t think we have to act our age. I hear people half my age complaining about getting old and how everything hurts. If we exercise, eat right, and take care of ourselves, we can live a vibrant life without having a number attached to our health. Don’t say things like “I’m getting old.” “I can’t do that because I’m too old.” The more you speak things, the more they come to pass.  

Use it or lose it

I have an amazing mother-in-law who is 84. She is a very talented artist and a phenomenal cook. Unfortunately, instead of having fun with those activities or finding other interests, she sits in a chair all day watching television. I mean she sits there non-stop, all day without any movement except to hobble to the bathroom or the kitchen. I also know a runner who is 84. She runs races all the time and is full of energy. Inactivity is a bad idea at any age. Your body needs movement to stay healthy. Your mind needs to be stimulated to stay fresh as well.

Don’t let age stop you

Is there something you have always wanted to do, but you think you would look silly? I think you should go do it unless it’s super dangerous, then I think you should act your age! Think of all the fun you can have. Take music lessons, art classes, get a pilot’s license, whatever sounds fun to you. I started karate at 45, ran my first marathon the same year, had a baby at 43, ran my first ultra-marathon at 57, and I’m going to complete another one at 64 next week. If I can do it I guarantee almost everyone else can too.

If you gave someone the choice between doing something that would be easy and go smoothly or doing something difficult that would strain your mental and physical abilities, most people would probably want to choose the easier path. The truth is though that it is the harder moments in our lives that teach us the most. We have to learn resilience to rise back up from failure, and each difficult moment can teach us a little more. I often think of Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken when he says, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled, and that has made all the difference.”

What have the tough moments in your life been, and what have you learned from them?  Here are a few things that my tough moments have taught me.

When someone refuses to coddle you and expects you to be strong, you will rise to that expectation.

People who judge you often are the ones struggling the most in life. Be the best version of yourself and don’t worry about the haters.

Failure teaches you how deep you can dig to find what you need to rise up stronger.

Each setback can teach you a valuable lesson.

Help others to succeed and your failures fade away.

No matter how many times you fall down, keep finding a way to come back.

If you are soft and expect everything to be perfect, you will be disappointed.

There have been so many times when I have been thankful that something was difficult and that it made me stronger. Failure never feels good, but it makes us better.

Through the years, I have discovered certain things that have helped me with my health. I cannot guarantee that these will work for anyone else, but these are the healthy must-haves that I always have in my house.

Ginger candies

Ginger candies taste great, but they also calm your stomach. I found out about them from a veteran ultra-runner when I told him that I had to stop at my last ultra because my stomach was upset. I recently was recovering from a virus and although the fever was gone, my stomach felt unsettled. Four ginger candies later, my stomach felt great.

Probiotics

I started taking these years ago on the advice of a friend, and suddenly everyone was talking about the importance of gut health. When I go to the doctor’s office, I am always asked if I am taking probiotics.

Witch hazel

Witch hazel is good for everything from relieving hemorrhoids, to reducing eye puffiness. This is a must to have.

Vitamin C packets

Whenever I travel, I start taking extra vitamin C. I also take it at the first sign of a cold. I am not going down without a fight.

Zinc

Zinc is a proven cold fighter, so I always have some ready.

A tennis ball

Because I am so active, I need something to work on sore muscles. A tennis ball can be placed under any muscle while you put your weight on the tennis ball. It is great for sore shoulders. Put the tennis ball under the shoulder blade and move back and forth.

Essential oils

My massage therapist has taught me about oils throughout the years, and there are a few I use every day.

Lavender

I was starting to have tinnitus which is a ringing in the ears. I started to put some behind both ears before I went to bed, and I haven’t had any ringing in my ears since then. Lavender can also help you fall asleep.

Peppermint

I have migraines when the weather changes drastically, but when I put some peppermint oil on my forehead, it usually clears up. It is also good to clear congestion from a cold. Sprinkle some in your hand, and breathe it in. I used to have it in my classroom, and students would ask me if they could have some of the magic oil for their headaches. I also sprinkle it on my pillow at night because I love the smell.

Be careful not to get any in your eyes because it is so strong, it will be difficult to open your eyes. One day, I had put some on right before class and then forgotten it was on my fingers and cleaned up my eyeliner with my finger. I couldn’t open my eyes for five minutes! I also don’t think it is good for dogs.

Tea tree

This oil is great for your skin, especially if you have breakouts. I have had some issues with skin cancer, and I had a spot that would not heal. It has been shrinking since I have been using it.

K-T tape

I discovered this tape when I strained my knee and had to go to a physical trainer. The tape supports sore muscles and has properties that promote healing. Read the instructions for putting it on and taking it off.

Coffee

Hello, I am Jen and I’m addicted to coffee. I love everything about coffee, the smell, the taste, and the fact there is something comforting about it for me.

That is my short list of what I always have in the house. What would you add to the list?

I retired from teaching because my oldest was having a baby, and she asked me to retire so I could help her. I realized during the past year that there are quite a few different visions about what retirement is. Many see it as stopping everything. My youngest told me I wasn’t acting like a retired person. When I asked her what she thought I should be doing, she said I should be sitting around and taking naps. Others see it as a chance to travel and see the world. Some decide to try the career they always wanted to do, and some enjoy a quieter lifestyle and a chance to enjoy family. Retirement doesn’t have to be the same for everyone. It is your reward after years of hard work, and you can choose what you do with it. Here is what it has meant to me.

Family time

I had no idea my job had been taking me away from my family so much. I realize now that they each need me in a different way, and I am so grateful to have this time with them. I have had the chance to watch my grandson in his first year. I have watched the changes and become closer to my daughter as a result.

Freedom

When I wake up, I can choose what I want to do, and I can do it at my own speed. I don’t have to rush or feel stressed. If I want to go to lunch with family and friends, I don’t have to check my schedule.

Chase a dream

Writing as a career was not feasible economically when I was teaching, and it was difficult to find the time. I have the chance now to do something I have always wanted to try.

Running

Running is my medicine, but while teaching, I had to wake up at 4:30 to run before school. Now I can devote more time to what I love.

Rest

During my last year of teaching, I was tired all the time. I would come home and fall asleep on the sofa. I can rest whenever I need to now.

Reading

I take some time each day and curl up on the porch to read.

There are so many other things to add to the list, and when you retire, it is your list, not someone else’s.

                              

I took martial arts classes for eight years, and although there were several trips to urgent care and one to the hospital, I am very grateful for everything I learned. I have always thought that every woman should at least know the basics to protect herself, so here are a few easy-to-use tips to help a woman stay safe.

Know your surroundings

We can be so distracted when we are out in public, and that can be dangerous. If you are in public, take out your headphones, look up from your phone, and pay attention to what and who is around you. Park your car around other cars where you can be easily seen. Before you put groceries in your trunk, take another look around. Carry your keys in your hand, and if someone comes too close, turn on the panic button.

Avoid an issue

There are places and times of day when you are more likely to be in danger than others. Travel with friends and family, and always let someone know where you will be. Criminals are looking for easy targets that aren’t going to cause too much trouble. Our sensei, (teacher), used to tell us don’t look like a shiny piece of candy to a criminal. He also told us the minute we felt threatened was the time we could react, so start making noise.

Use your voice

If you feel threatened, you can start by saying, “Back off”, but it is o.k. to scream, or yell for help. When I was a teenager in France, my friend and I were hitchhiking, and we got into the wrong car. My friend jumped out the window, and the driver started to drive off. I yelled, “Stop!”, and luckily, he did.

If you are grabbed, grab back

This is to throw the attacker off-center and give you some stability to attack back. When you grab back, your options for attack open up.

Hit soft targets

Soft targets are the eyes, nose, throat, and groin. If you can hit these areas, you have more of a chance to inflict enough pain to run away.

Use what’s around you

Is there sand, or dirt you can throw in an attacker’s eyes? Can you throw rocks? Can you close a car door on his hands? Think of everything around you as something that could potentially save you.

Never agree to go to another location

Even if someone is threatening you with a weapon, do not go to another location. Your chances for harm double if you do that.

Your whole body is a weapon

Use your elbows, knees, nails, arms, legs, feet, and teeth to fight someone off.

Running away is a great defense

If you can safely run away, do it.

I strongly recommend women take advantage of self-defense training.

I know I am not the only one who has made perfectly sensible plans, only to have them derailed by an unexpected event. Fortunately, though, these disruptions can teach us to be more flexible and creative with our training. Instead of throwing in the towel, we can pivot and find a way to salvage our preparation and still show up to any competition.

The first time I had to rearrange my attitude and training was for my first ultra. I already saw an ultra as an impossible feat, but I was doing my best to turn it into a possible. I had put in the miles, and I had read several books on training. Three weeks before the event I received a call from my niece saying my sister was in the hospital and might not make it through the night. I live in Georgia, and my sister was in Connecticut, so my husband and I jumped on the first plane and rushed to the hospital. We spent the next week and a half spending as much time in the hospital as possible as my sister gradually recovered. By the time we returned home, I was considering not running the ultra, but two things happened that changed my mind. The first was the wisdom of my husband when he said, “Jen, it’s not the week and a half of not training that will matter, it’s the months of consistent training that you did do.” The second thing that convinced me to give the ultra a try was a book I found called The Big Book of Running. In one chapter, an elite runner had been prepared to run an ultra, but she caught the flu shortly before. She decided to run it anyway, only she would run it slower. She was so glad she did the race because she knew she wasn’t running to win, so she was able to enjoy the race more. Both things helped me to decide to do my first ultra, and I am so glad I did.

The second time I needed to rethink my training was because of an injury. Everything had been going so well, and then I tried to push my speed too hard and I strained my IT band. I had an ultra the next week and I decided to tape my leg up like a mummy and do what I could. I walked more than I normally would have, but I loved every minute.

My last experience where my training was disrupted was because of a migraine. It was billed as just barely an ultra at 26.6 miles, and the first one to reach that distance was the winner. I am a human barometer because if the weather changes too quickly, my head revolts. I was about 16 miles in when the pain started to get serious. I decided to start walking and running and eventually started walking. I knew I was getting close to reaching the distance, so I stopped at the table to check. The race director said, “Jen, you have 5 laps to go and the woman in the lead is 2 laps ahead of you.” I forgot about the headache and started sprinting. Then I realized I didn’t know which woman it was, so I stopped at the table and asked. “She’s the one in the paisley skirt.” I sprinted the last few laps and won!

When life throws you a roadblock, don’t automatically give up. Go around it and find a different way to get the job done.

We have seen enough studies to know that negativity and stress can harm our health, and positivity can improve it. It would seem obvious then that everyone should have a positive attitude, but it isn’t always that simple. Some of us do not have personalities or attitudes that easily translate into positivity, others still are not convinced of the benefits, and many have no idea about how to introduce positivity into their lives. Positivity takes training and consistency.

Send out positive thoughts

I have always been a positive person in general when it comes to being happy and hopeful, but I knew I needed to work harder on believing in myself and believing that I could make good things happen. I started to speak positively to influence the outcome with my positive belief that it would happen. An example would be when we pulled into a crowded restaurant parking lot, I would say, “We are going to get right in. There won’t be a wait.” The first few times, my family laughed and said, “Right. We are going to have to wait.” I would make them laugh by telling them I was sending out positivity and it was going to work. I wish you could have seen their faces the first three times when we walked into a crowded restaurant and were seated right away. Now, they all believe it works and if I say something negative, my daughters will say, “Mom, don’t put that out in the universe!” Give positive phrases a try, and I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

Change your words.

Listen to what you and the people around you say. How often are your words negative? Start catching yourself when you say something negative and change it into a positive. Start saying positive things to other people. Find a compliment you can give or proclaim your faith in his ability. Start using phrases that start with, “I will”, and “I can.”

Be grateful

No matter what your situation is, there are things to be grateful for in your life. Make a list where you can see it and add to it as you think of new things.

Welcome in the positive

I say to myself every day, “I pray for only good things. Please let me lift people up and not tear them down.”

Surround yourself with positive words and people

The people around you influence your attitude. Positivity and negativity are catchy, so choose the better option. Have positive words where you can see them, and listen to positive podcasts.

I have my dog’s personality

If you have read any of my articles about my dog, you know that I joke about his personality traits that are sometimes a lot to handle, but I am so in love with this dog, even the crazy parts of him. Anyways, this morning I was out throwing the Frisbie with him, and as he ran off to subdue a stick, I suddenly realized that I am like my dog in many ways. Let me explain with this list of traits we share.

Hyperactivity

I cannot sit still for long. When someone talks about a twofer (watching two movies back-to-back), I can’t even imagine. If I sit down to watch television, I must be doing another activity as well. I don’t like not feeling productive. Bandit has the same energy. When he is finally lying quietly, I’m afraid to move and break the spell. I think he is so excited about all the possibilities for fun that he doesn’t want to miss a second.

Impatience

I don’t do well waiting to do something. I want it to happen right away. I need action. Bandit will bring you a tennis ball to throw, and he will bring it closer and to different spots. If you still don’t throw the ball, he will take one item at a time out of his toy box and bring them to you. He doesn’t understand that you might be busy, he wants you to interact with him now.

The need to be loved

Bandit cannot stand it when you are disappointed in him. He will love on you and give you a pitiful look until you assure him that he is amazing. I don’t need to be convinced of that, but it is important to me to feel loved by the people I care about.

A love of food

I am always hungry and so is Bandit. My mood drops to a dangerous level if I am hungry for too long. It is so bad that if we are on a road trip, and I say I am hungry, my husband gets a panicked look and starts looking for the nearest exit.

A love of running

Running feels like freedom for me, and I think Bandit feels the same. It is just a different type of freedom for the two of us. When Bandit runs, he releases all the extra energy, racing towards adventure and squirrels. When I run, the freedom comes in movement and clearing my mind.

A love of people

I love talking to people, watching them, and inventing scenarios for their lives, and I especially love helping them if I can. Bandit doesn’t think anyone is a stranger, and he is going to give the next person as much love as the last.

A positive response to meanness

One of the traits I love about Bandit is that when another dog becomes a little aggressive, Bandit has avoidance techniques instead of engaging in aggressive behavior. I have interacted with quite a few toxic people, and although I have had to confront a few about their behavior, I would rather be the better person than to imitate them.