Jennifer’s writing

A month ago, my border collie forgot to brake as he ran full speed towards me, so forty pounds of dog collided with my shin. I thought the swelling on my shin was the only damage, but several days later after a Saturday race, my knee began to be sore. It gradually became worse until I couldn’t run on it at all. I had been running 30-40 miles a week as I trained for an ultra, so the hardest part was watching all that training slip away because I couldn’t run. I was surprised how much I have learned from being injured though. I am hoping that as I heal, I can come back even stronger than before. Here are some of the things I learned.

I can still show up

I sign up for races a month in advance, so I had already signed up for races before the injury. I knew it would be hard for me to walk instead of run, but I knew I would gain a new perspective. The important thing for everyone is to participate and show up.

My finish time isn’t always the goal

When I walked the race today, I knew my finish time wouldn’t be good, so I chose another goal. I chose a rabbit which is something I haven’t done since my faster days. A rabbit is a person who is ahead of you and who might be slightly faster than you. Your goal is to beat the rabbit. It motivates you to move as quickly as possible, and it is a great goal to focus on. If you pass that rabbit, you can choose a new one if you want to. For many of the participants, crossing the finish line is the goal.

Whatever you believe you are capable of is what you will do

Walking in the back has given me a new perspective on who participates in the races. I listen to the conversations around me, and I am fascinated by the different attitudes of what each person can do. truly believe that you can defeat yourself or accomplish your goals depending on what you think you can do.

What I think is easy might be a herculean task to someone else

I am so blessed that I have been able to train enough so that three miles is not difficult to me, but in today’s race, I saw many people struggling to complete it. I admired their grit to keep going with something that was difficult.

Never take good health for granted

At a recent race, I was telling another runner about my knee when she started telling me all the medical issues she was experiencing. None of those issues was going to keep her from running, so I stopped complaining about my knee because it is a tiny issue compared to what some people struggle with regularly.

Encourage others

Everyone can benefit from some encouragement. Today I told a girl what a great job she was doing. She said, “I can’t be doing a good job because I’m running at least some of the time, and you keep passing me, and you are just walking.” That’s when I told her she was my rabbit because she was going fast enough to motivate me to go faster.

The people in the back have the most stories

The people in the back are going slow enough to talk, and they have great stories to tell!

Patience helps with healing

I have not been very patient with my healing, but I know I am prolonging that healing by not staying off my knee. I will work on being more patient.

As always, attitude will change everything

I have a choice to have a pity party or find the positives, so I am choosing to adjust my fitness routine to do low-impact cardio and more weight training.

Do you have a pet that tries your patience, but pulls at your heart strings at the same time? If you have read any of my other pet stories, you know I have a crazy border collie named Bandit who has stolen my heart completely, but who also keeps me on my toes. What is it about certain pets that no matter what havoc they cause we still wouldn’t trade them for anything?

Several weeks ago, I was in our backyard with him playing frisbee when my daughter called on the phone. As I was speaking to her, I started to walk toward Bandit’s favorite frisbee, but I wasn’t watching where Bandit was until he was hitting my leg full force after running at top speed. (Border Collies are fast) I very seldom swear, but I swore so loud that I was sure I needed to apologize to the new dog sitter next door, and the neighbors who live behind us. My shin swelled and was very ugly, but I was not that concerned until after my next race when my knee was sore. It deteriorated into me not being able to run at all, but I still didn’t connect it with the incident with Bandit because I thought maybe it was overuse or age. I went to my chiropractor who said, “Jen, it looks like something slammed into your knee!” Imagine that moment of realization when it all suddenly makes sense and you can’t believe you didn’t figure it out.

Although I was surprised at the collision with Bandit because he can stop on a dime, I was never angry at him. I blamed myself for not paying attention, and the second he started licking my hand, all was forgiven. That scenario plays out quite a bit in our house. Bandit will do something he is not supposed to do, but as I’m telling him in my calm yet stern tone, he starts being so cute and loving that I completely forget why I was mad. Then there are the times when I really should be training him not to do something, but what he is doing is so funny, that I cannot stop laughing long enough to redirect him.

I know I am a hopeless case. I am going to do my best to keep this dog safe and well taken care of, and in return I know we will both share unconditional love.

As a grandmother, I have the amazing chance to be part of my grandson’s life, and I am so grateful for the time I spend with him, but there are a few things that grandparents have to navigate, especially with the first grandchild.

Know the boundaries

I swore to myself I would not offer advice unless asked because in this age of social media, the new moms are overwhelmed with conflicting advice and don’t need to hear even more. New moms are trying to figure everything out and they are doing their best with their children, so don’t go against their wishes as if everything they are doing is wrong. Respect their decisions unless you know those decisions are harmful.

Ignore when your child acts like you know nothing about raising a child.

When my grandson was first born, my daughter temporarily forgot I had raised three children because she would hover over me and double check my diapering and give me very minute instructions if she would be gone.

Enjoy every moment

Because we have raised children already, we know how fast the time goes, so I am getting in as many hugs and kisses as I can.

Help your child learn to parent, but do it gently

My daughter wants to feel that she is doing a great job, but it is her first-time parenting, so there are a few things I can help her to learn. I make sure to tell her about it as if I have made a first-time discovery myself.

One of the things I like the most about being a grandmother is not only can I play a role in my grandson’s life, but I am also becoming closer with my daughter as we laugh our way through navigating life with a baby.

While I was on my way to take care of my grandson this morning, I passed by many of the students waiting for the bus. What I saw was every single student bent over their phone completely absorbed with the machine in their hands and not at all interested in each other.

Several things came to mind. First, I thought how sad it is that we would rather interact with a machine than with each other. Second, I wondered how many people had to go to the doctor because of neck issues after hanging their heads over the phone. Third, I thought about how our phones have become so important to us. We can do everything on our phones, including reading, communicating, making money, navigating, and much more. Right now, I am monitoring an application that shows my grandson taking a nap. My fourth thought was were we manipulated into needing our phones? I think the answer is yes, and the reason, of course, it allows people to make money from our addiction. I would love to think the tech companies are only trying to make our lives easier, but I think the reasons are more nefarious. So how did we not notice that we were becoming so dependent on our phones? I think the answer is that it was a gradual process, and we saw each new addition as a positive improvement. We started by using the phones as a great way to connect in emergencies, then all sorts of applications and games were available, and now, cell phones are money makers for many. Have you ever looked up something on Google and suddenly that product pops up everywhere?

I agree that cell phones are helpful in so many ways, but I hope we all operate them with some boundaries. These are only some suggestions that might work to help us stay more connected with each other than we are with our phones.

· Have some times when phones are put away.

· Have meals without phones.

· Monitor your child’s usage.

· Turn your phone off at night.

· Limit time on social media.

I have two cats and I always look at them and notice that they seem to have life figured out. They are always purring, taking luxurious baths, and eating whenever they decide to walk that far. They know how to be happy, so here is my cat’s recipe for happiness.

Find a spot in the sun

I smile every sunny morning when I walk through our dining room and see both cats and dog stretched out in the spot where the sun is shining. They look so relaxed and comfortable. Spend more time in that spot in your house where you are the most comfortable.

Don’t let too much ruffle your fur

We have a cat named Lowkey who doesn’t let much bother him unless his food bowl is empty. We can choose not to engage in drama.

Food is very important

My animals live to eat. I made the mistake of giving the cats some cat treats and now they are addicted. Every time I go towards the area where the bag is, the commotion begins. Food can make so many things seem better.

Friends are important

Lowkey is fairly rotund and cannot always reach his back during his bath. He and the dog take turns grooming each other.

Find the best places for naps

We have several very comfy couches with soft, warm blankets. The cats have convinced me several times to curl up with them wherever they have chosen to snooze. We need our rest to really enjoy life.

Safety first

Exploring is fun, but when a new dog comes into the yard, it’s best to retreat to safety.

Love unconditionally

The minute I sit down, the animals come to join me. They want my attention and to express their love

I have been thinking a lot about mental health lately and methods to improve it. One of the things I think can benefit most people is to have conversations with animals. When I come home, I love how our animals rush to greet us as if they are so glad to see us, and in a society where everyone seems so distracted, it is nice to have a pet who is willing to listen to anything you have to say. Here are a few reasons why it benefits us to have conversations with our pets.

In the article, 8 Health Benefits of Having a Pet by The Animal Health Foundation, they state that cortisol is a hormone activated by stress, and studies have found that being around animals can decrease cortisol levels.

The National Institute of Mental Health recommends animal-assisted therapy as a treatment for depression.

Talking helps us feel socially connected. Our animals provide social support because we can talk to them.

Our pets don’t mind listening to our problems, and sometimes all we need to do is talk it out. Talking to our pets allows us to release the problem.

They never judge us. No matter what we tell them they will offer unconditional love.

Being able to talk to our animals helps us fight loneliness. Jayne O’Donnell writes that loneliness is as dangerous to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day according to research done by Mars Petcare.

Our pets love the attention we give them when we are talking with them, so we don’t worry about talking too much, or saying the wrong thing.

These are a few reasons why it’s healthy for us to talk to our pets, so go ahead and start a great conversation that will benefit both you and your pet.

We all have opinions about how things should be done, and what is the best path to take in many situations. People often want to offer advice on what they think will help you, so what are the best and worse pieces of advice you have heard? I will share a few that I have heard, and I hope you can relate.

#1 Rest is important to good health

I know this is true, but I do not rest well, mostly because there are so many fun things to do. When I was teaching, I didn’t rest enough because there were so many things, I had to do to fulfill my responsibilities. I used to hate it when someone would tell me I needed to slow down and let something go. My first question was, “What do I let go of? These are all things I have to do.” I agree though that finding some time to recharge is important.

#2 Don’t talk to strangers

This makes sense to me on a safety level, but I am so fascinated by people that I talk to everyone. I was reading my list of advice to my daughter, and when I came to this one, she said, “You definitely don’t follow that one!”

#3 Show up fully

Many of us get stuck thinking about the past or worried about the future when we should be fully present in each moment. Put aside the distractions and focus on making important memories with friends and family.

#4 Don’t judge a book by its cover

Most of my friends know my greatest example of this. A student strutted into my class on the first day of class and immediately started to play the clown. My first thought was that this student was going to be a challenge. He turned out to be a fantastic blessing, and fifteen years later he calls me mom, and I call him my son. Your first impression might not be correct, so dig deeper before you think you know someone.

#5 Don’t be late

Being late is disrespectful. It is saying that you don’t respect other people’s time or don’t think it is important to show up.

#6 Be the best version of yourself, not someone else’s version

No one is perfect, but you can be the best version that you can be. You have to form your identity on your terms, not according to what someone else thinks you should be.

#7 You appreciate what was difficult to achieve more than what comes easily to you.

When you accomplish something, it means more to you if you have to work harder for it.

#8 Treat others the way you want to be treated

I could also title this don’t be a hater. If we could treat each other with more respect and kindness, relationships would be easier.

#9 Keep learning

Don’t ever imagine that you have learned enough. The world is a fascinating place, and there are so many interesting things to learn from each other. Learning new things stimulates the brain.

# 10 Believe you can, and you will believe you can’t and you won’t

Half the battle in being successful is whether you believe you can. If you don’t believe you can, you have already defeated yourself.  

#11 Listen fully

Most of the time, we are waiting for a chance to interrupt and add our own story instead of really listening. We can learn more if we learn to focus.

#12 Don’t give up

Life can be difficult for everyone, but better moments could be right around the corner. Learn resilience and keep finding ways to come back stronger.

#13 Don’t listen when others diminish your dream

Even if family and friends think your dreams are a stretch, you need to chase your passions.

# 14 You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches. (Dita Von Teese) Don’t let the haters knock you down.

#15 Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.

Know your worth, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t recognize it.

#16 Know when you cannot argue with someone

There are moments when your perception of a situation and someone else’s perception of the same situation vary too greatly for any positive discussion.

Attitude can affect so many aspects of our lives. Whether you have a positive or negative attitude about your life can affect your perception of things, and your level of happiness, and your attitude about your self-worth can affect so many parts of your life. Can your attitude affect your health and how you age?

I was at a race today, and because I strained my knee several weeks ago, I had it wrapped up like a mummy so I could run. After the race, a woman started to talk to me and pointing to my knee, she said, “Don’t you find that at a certain age you start to have all kinds of injuries?” I replied that I hadn’t experienced that, but I have to do some things differently like stretching to protect myself from injuries. She then said, “Well yes, but it takes longer to heal.” She was only forty-eight, but I think she wanted me to complain about the aging process and the body. Instead, I said, “I can tell you are a serious runner, so you know that injuries happen, and you just do what you have to in order to heal.” She said, “I know, but some people give up.” That made me reflect on how much our health and fitness level depend on our attitude regardless of our age.  

This quote from the article, Surviving a Running Injury in The Canadian Running magazine sums up the way a runner thinks. “Success as a runner should mean being able to engage and enjoy running in the long term. Short-term setbacks such as injuries should not be considered absolute and having a healthy, flexible, and long-term perspective is critical. Injuries happen, they definitely suck, but they can also be opportunities to learn, grow and improve as a runner.” We see injuries as a temporary setback not the final chapter.

I also believe that if you are always focused on your aches and pains, it affects your health. All that negative energy can be harmful. Try being grateful for any of the positives about your health.

We cannot do anything about the passage of time, but we can keep a positive attitude about staying strong as long as we can.

We all would like to be able to have a large friend group, move in and out of any social group, and be ready with witty conversation in any situation, but many of us are socially awkward, anxious, people pleasers who are afraid of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, or not saying anything at all, and hoping to be as invisible as possible.

There are so many people fighting depression because they don’t fit into the perfect molds that society sets up for us. What if you operate on the edge of what is considered normal? The sad thing is how badly people treat someone who seems different instead of listening to the person or inviting the person into their group for a few minutes.

When my youngest was in high school, her anxiety level was at its highest. She would rather sit in my classroom with her lunch than go into the lunchroom and meet new people. She was sure she would do something to embarrass herself. If you don’t have anxiety, it is hard to imagine how it can paralyze someone, and the anxious person ends up without friends, sitting alone. If you ever see that, at least smile at the person. If you are at work or school, invite them to sit with you at lunch, or take a few minutes to talk with them.

I had a student who kept to herself, hiding under a massive head of hair. I instantly liked her because she was interesting and kind. She also couldn’t hide her brilliance, even under all that hair. One day, she told me she liked to write, and as I asked her questions, her passion for writing spilled out, and she couldn’t stop talking. It only takes showing some interest in someone else. Most of the people who feel like they don’t fit in are amazing, and they are waiting for you to get to know them.

When I was growing up my parents provided very well for us. I never went without a meal or didn’t have clothes. Although I never thought we struggled financially, my parents worked very hard, and they knew how to save money. We lived off our garden for vegetables, I thought it was normal to eat spam a lot, and my mom made many things from scratch. Because our public schools were not the best, my parents decided to send me to the local private schools.

We might not fit in because of anxiety, or not fitting the norm, but it’s also rough when you don’t fit in because you are from a different social class. The town I grew up in is home to many of the rich and famous like Meryl Streep and Whoopi Goldberg. It is a beautiful place, but there are two very distinct social classes, the wealthy, and those who are not. In ninth grade, a girl asked me what my dad did. When I told her she said, “What are you doing here?” That hurt a lot. The unspoken judgments hurt just as much. I couldn’t afford the clothes that many of my classmates had, and I shouldn’t have cared, but I remember wishing I could be more like them.

I was very lucky in high school because although my awkward, quiet self didn’t fit in, the popular girls in my class were very kind. They didn’t want to be friends with me, but they were never hateful. I was even luckier when I met four friends, Doris, Evelyn, Gwen, and Stacy. They saved high school for me and taught me what real friendship is like.

So, the next time you see someone who seems a little awkward, and quiet, be kind instead of hateful. It could mean all the difference.

I don’t think I am the only one who has too much of something and has difficulty eliminating some of it. What do you have too much of, and is there a reason behind that?

I am slightly embarrassed that my closet is what used to be a very small bedroom for my daughter. I wish I could justify how many clothes I have by saying that my daughter visits that closet every day for her clothes, but that probably is not enough of a reason. To make it worse, my daughter said, “Do you think you have so many clothes because you didn’t have much growing up?” Kaitlyn is majoring in psychology, but I have so many clothes because I love thrift store shopping and clothes. It is time though to bag some of the clothes I don’t wear very often and give them to someone who needs them.

I also have a small library of books, but that is because reading is one of my favorite things to do, and I like to read everything. It is hard for me to give books away if they were a great read.

As a writer, I could be writing completely on my computer, but I love the feel of a journal, and I enjoy writing with paper and pen. I have way too many journals, but that is still the first area I go to in a bookstore.

My husband built me a shoe cubby wall in my closet. He was deciding how many spaces to make, and he said, “You don’t have more than 35 shoes, do you?” I responded, “No, of course not.” It turns out I have more than 35 shoes, and many of them are running shoes.

So, if you read my article, I Might Be a Prepper, it seems I might be a hoarder too! I really think I have so many of the things I listed because they all make me happy. Having too much clutter can have more meaning though.

Time Magazine’s article, America’s Clutter problem says this, “Our stuff has taken over. Most household moves outside the U.S. weigh from 2,500 lb. to 7,500 lb. (1,110 kg to 3,400 kg). The average weight of a move in the U.S. is 8,000 lb. (3,600 kg), the weight of a fully grown hippo. An entire industry has emerged to house our extra belongings–self-storage, a $24 billion business so large that every American could fit inside its units simultaneously.

It would be one thing if all our possessions were making us happier, but the opposite seems to be occurring. At least one study shows that a home with too much stuff can lead to higher levels of anxiety.”

Professional organizer, Star Hansen says, “Clutter is an external demonstration of our internal storms”

If the clutter in your home is making you anxious, begin to declutter a little at a time so you are not overwhelmed. You can donate the items you do not use, have a yard sale, or throw it away.