Have you ever heard the term a real runner? I have heard it many times at races and in conversations, and although I always hope I’m considered a real runner, the expression irritates me a little because it carries with it some misplaced judgment. Let me tell you a few of the times I have heard this expression, and why it bothered me at the time.
I was running the Rock n Roll New Orleans Marathon and I had reached the turn-off point where if I went straight I would go into the chute for the half and be done. You could hear the party going on at the finish. I was so tempted to go straight and finish because the roads were still a mess from hurricane Katrina, and it had done a number on my legs. My stomach was cramping and I was discouraged that I felt this bad at mile 13, but Rocky was playing, and how can you not step up to a challenge when that song is pushing you on? As I turned the corner, there was a lone volunteer who said to me, “Now the real runners are coming.” I thought, “If he only knew how much I’m struggling right now he might not say that!” I thought about that statement during the next few miles. All of the runners who trained for the half were as much real runners as I was. I don’t think how many miles you do determines how serious you are about running.
I approached the registration table at a 5k/10K race, and the volunteer said to me, “You’re doing the 10K, right?” I said yes and she added, “I could tell you were a real runner.” Once again the distance seems to be the deciding factor, but some runners are better with shorter distances and speed while some like distance and a slower pace. Both groups are still real runners.
At my first ultramarathon, I didn’t think I was a good enough runner to be there. It didn’t help that many of the runners looked like they ate nails for breakfast, and they were talking about races they had done and even the race names scared me. I soon learned though that there were all types of runners and running abilities at the race. It is now my favorite distance to run, but for years I was afraid to try it. Imagine what I would have missed out on if I had let my fear that I wasn’t a real runner hold me back.
When I tore my meniscus in July I still wanted to participate in 5k races with my friends. I wasn’t able to run at all at that point, and I was happy just to be there. As we walked along, one of the police officers yelled, “Don’t worry, I’d be in the back too if I was out here!” I laughed because I don’t think he had any idea that he wasn’t exactly encouraging us. He also didn’t know any of the stories that were in all the people in the back, and whether you walked the course or ran it, you still did 3 miles more than most people did.
How fast or slow does not determine if you are a real runner. My friend Raleigh has had 2 strokes, a heart operation, and a plethora of other issues. He never complains and anytime he has a health issue he soldiers through it and says it is only temporary. That attitude alone tells me he is a real runner. He has slowed down a bit in the last few years, but he always shows up ready to do his best.
I recently met Tera, a woman who had seriously hurt her shoulder when she fell while hiking. Many people would stop exercising while healing, but Tera took up running. When I met her she said her goal was to do a 5K without walking. Tera is still a real runner even if she walks. Walking now and then can help you run farther, so I’m not sure why so many runners think walking is a sin. Tera is a beast who has grit whether she is walking or not.
Real runners do crazy things sometimes. Raleigh and I asked our friend Sally if she would do a 9-mile race with us. She immediately said yes which would not have been odd except that Sally had not run more than three miles once a week here and there. She did an amazing job, and one of her favorite pictures is when we ran back out, found her, and ran her in. Sally is a real runner.
So, if you are wondering if you qualify as a real runner, I will tell you that if you run, no matter how far or how long, you are a member of the running community because running offers something for everyone and can be tailored to fit your needs. Hold your head high because you are a real runner.
I was talking to a young lady I am tutoring, and her mom and we were talking about the hateful behavior between some people and the drama and angst that this behavior can create. Besides the uncomfortable situation hatefulness can cause, it can also do some significant damage to someone’s self-esteem. It can create a feeling of isolation and loneliness at a time when a young person is forming an identity. The mom and I had a few ideas to give to her daughter as weapons to deflect the hatefulness of others.
Meet hatefulness with kindness because it will confuse them. Don’t drop down to the level of a hater. You won’t feel better about yourself, and it won’t help the situation. Be the better person and maybe the bully will see that the hatefulness does not have the desired effect on you.
Smile a lot so the hater will wonder what you are thinking. Most haters and bullies are looking for attention and a reaction, so don’t give it to her. Stay calm and refuse to let emotions take control.
Do not engage with a hater in a battle of logic because the hater sees things through a different lens. Keep your perspective about the situation and distance yourself as much as you can. If the hatefulness is in written form you can choose not to respond. A hater hates to be ignored.
Take time to recharge every day. People can be exhausting. Do something quiet when you can turn off all the noise around you.
Surround yourself with positive people and realize that quality not quantity counts when it comes to friends.
Tell someone you trust about the interactions in case the situation escalates.
Realize that people do and say some crazy things and it’s usually because of how broken they are. Don’t let them steal your joy.
I believe we are always sent blessings even though we might be too busy or distracted to see some of them. Sometimes those blessings are small things that make a difference in our lives and other times they can be something that takes our breath away. Here is the story of a blessing I was sent.
When I was born, my parents brought home a puppy. This collie named Queenie was with me until she passed when I was thirteen. It would be an understatement to say she was a special animal, and I remember the pain I felt when she passed. I consider Queenie one of my blessings. I always wanted another collie, but the closest I came to having one was a rescue dog named Leo who was a collie/German shepherd mix. He was also a very special dog.
Two years ago, after our dog had passed I was wondering where I should look for our next one. I have always liked to buy my dogs from the shelters, but Covid was making it difficult to go in, and I wasn’t sure where else to look. As I was thinking about it a thought popped into my head that said, “It will come to you.” I thought that was odd, but I decided to wait to see what happened.
One day, I was out running when my neighbor who is a dog trainer pulled up next to me in her car and told me she was going to rescue a border collie. A couple had purchased him as an emotional support dog, but he had too much energy for them. I asked to see the picture and then asked her if I could bring my husband to see him when she came back. John was willing to meet him and we were there when Lynn let him out of the crate. Four months of border collie came running into my arms and my heart was lost. I took his leash and crate and headed for home. John reminded me later that there wasn’t even any discussion. I apologized for that.
It wasn’t until a week later when I was out running that I said to God, “You brought me a collie!” I suddenly remembered the words, “It will come to you.” Bandit has definitely been a crazy mess of energy, but he reads emotions and loves his humans. I am so grateful for this blessing.
There are so many different kinds of fatigue. When you exercise hard your body is tired. When you are solving problems and creating all day at work or home your mind needs rest. Being weary of spirit is a culmination of everything in your life weighing heavily on you, and you temporarily lose the ability to regroup and rise back up to face your challenges.
So many things can contribute to this feeling. You can be discouraged about health or life events and it is compounded by what you see on the news, in social media, the way people treat you, a crumbling friendship, or people disappointing you in general. It all comes together to form the perfect storm of malaise. So what can you do about it? Here are a few things that work for me.
Rest
Few of us rest enough but it can change our mood and improve our health. Even a 15-minute power nap will give you extra energy.
Disconnect
I enjoy watching the news, but I have to take breaks from it when I feel the negativity weighing me down. I put my phone away sometimes, so I am not quite as available to everyone. Social media can wreak havoc on us as well, so consider limiting the time you spend on it.
You might also disconnect from people. Go for a run or walk, or go somewhere you can be alone.
Connect to the positive
Listen to positive podcasts, and funny interviews, and read inspirational readings. It’s hard to stay down when you are laughing.
Say no.
I sometimes feel weary in spirit when I’m helping everyone but myself. It is worse when the help I am giving is disrespected. Occasionally say you are unable to give your time.
Go outside.
There is something healing about being outside. Sit on the porch, work in the garden, or go for a walk.
Do something you love.
You often need to refill your energy tank, and doing what you love can do that.
Be intentional about happiness.
Take the time to reflect on what you need to be happy.
True confession, I am old enough to remember when we did not have cell phones. I had to turn on the radio or play recorded music, drive without GPS, and I had to use a real phone to call people. I am very thankful for the changes that our phones have brought. I have a terrible sense of direction so GPS on a phone is a game changer, I love having music at my fingertips, and communication is so accessible. How important is your cell phone and what are the features you use the most? I have an iPhone and here are the features I use daily.
GPS
I am a very nervous driver and I live near Atlanta where the highways are scary, there are too many one-way streets, and most of them are called Peachtree. Not only does the GPS help someone who is directionally challenged, but you can also set it up to avoid highways. This allows me to drive somewhere without having a death grip on the wheel.
FaceTime
When Covid hit I was teaching and we had some students who were learning from home and would use zoom to join our class. When connectivity was an issue I used FaceTime to connect with the students. It is a great way to connect with family.
The camera
I remember carrying around a bulky camera, but now the phone’s camera takes professional photos and you can load an app like Walgreen’s Picprint to have photos developed. There is another great app called the camera timer. You can prop up your phone and set it to take the picture in 10 seconds and strike a pose! You can take a picture of an important document, or send documents to others.
Notes
There are so many times when I think of something important, but I don’t have a pen and paper, so notes are perfect. You can also make your to-do lists.
Pacer
Before I had my Garmin watch I used the Pacer app to keep track of my steps.
Mail
It is so convenient to have easy access to mail. Of course, easy access can also mean you spend too much time checking it.
Other Apps
It is also convenient to add apps that will make your life easier. You can watch movies, read books, and listen to music with one device.
Our phones have become important to our daily doings, but we can’t forget that our relationships with our loved ones should trump our interaction with a machine every time, so make sure that we focus on the people in our lives as much as we focus on the phones.
have always believed in the expression that out of bad comes good, but I am also famous for saying that if I couldn’t run I would be a mess. That last statement was tested when my beautiful Border Collie hit my leg at full speed. When the MRI results came back and I told my husband it said I had a torn meniscus and a baker’s cyst I swear he turned pale because he knows how much I love to run. All he said was, “Oh.” I think we were both surprised by what happened in the coming months. Here are some of the positives that happened while rehabbing.
· I had a different ultra-experience. I had an ultra-marathon scheduled shortly after the MRI and because my orthopedist decided I did not need surgery, he told me I could walk the ultra, but when I felt the knee getting angry I needed to stop. The ultra was run by a wonderful family, and I had gotten to know them during the ultra the year before. The difference this year was I wasn’t really concerned with how many miles I could cover. I only wanted to do my best, and since I was only walking some of the family walked with me and filled me in on all their news. I also made a few new connections with runners who were also walking. I took more breaks than usual and sat while I ate and drank. I have a friend who loves to run 100-mile races, and he told me that if I gave my body a chance to recover with rest breaks, I could go further. I only made it 28 miles before I knew I needed to stop because the knee was indeed angry.
· I observed more of what was around me. My husband and I went to Paris for our fortieth anniversary. I was a French teacher, I lived in France, and I have visited there often. One of my favorite things to do in the morning is to run in the Luxembourg Gardens. My husband loves to walk, so he was excited that we would be able to do that together. As we wandered through the garden I saw quite a few things I had never noticed on my runs. I noticed they have bee hives, the vineyards there are for apple and pear wines, and they offer gardening classes. My husband was fascinated by all the statues and had questions about the art and history behind them. He loved the French lifestyle that he saw through the people in the gardens. We stopped and talked with teachers and students doing a treasure hunt, and we sat and watched a bocce game. Taking things a little slower helped me to see more.
· I saw races from a different view. In the early days of rehabbing, I couldn’t run at all, but I still wanted to do the races with my friends, so I went to the back and walked. I have always said that the best race stories are in the back of the back. This is where you find people with grit. They might be struggling with something, but they are going to come out and exercise anyways.
· I felt the power of a positive attitude. There were a few setbacks where I became frustrated because I wasn’t healing as fast as I wanted, but I tried to stay positive. It helped when another friend who was also injured said to me, “ It’s o.k. Jen. We are going to come back stronger.” On the days when I started to feel down, I kept repeating that.
· I needed reminding that I need to take care of all the parts. Everything in our body has an effect on the whole, so it’s important to take care of the whole machine, not only the part that’s broken. I know that is different for everyone, but for me, strength training and stretching helped. (Also lots of KT tape!)
· Less can be more. I am an over exerciser mostly because I love to be outside, but too much exercise can take a toll and at 64 my machine probably needs more rest. I can achieve fitness at 20 miles a week instead of the 40 I was doing and throw in some cross-training to help.
· I should mix up my fitness routine. I have always thought if I didn’t run then I didn’t exercise, but the injury helped me to cross-train more and I realize that by doing that I can strengthen different muscles.
I am about 90% recovered now after six months. I can run five miles without any knee support and feel stronger daily. I am even more grateful for the gift of running, and I know my injury taught me valuable lessons.
I love to write and It has always been my idea of the dream job, but I could never figure out how to make it profitable enough to do it full-time instead of teaching. I remember wondering where did I start to find success and how could I carve out the time.
Since I retired I have learned so much about writing and marketing myself. I used to think the most important thing I could do was to create content, but if no one is reading the content it is useless. I have put together the following tips that I hope will help you on your journey as a writer.
Know who you are.
It took me many years to figure out what kind of writer I was. I kept trying to go where the money was, but it wasn’t the type of writing I wanted to do. I am finally at a spot where I write pieces that I hope will help people and I also write about my passions which include writing, reading, running, and animals. When you can answer who are you as a writer it will make everything seem clearer.
why are you unique?
What makes your writing special? Why should I take the time to read it? How can you help others with what you have written?
Become an expert.
Usually, when you are passionate about something you are knowledgeable about it. I know a lot about running because I am an avid runner myself and I love encouraging others to pick it up as a sport. What can you talk about like an expert?
Create a plan.
Make a plan for how you are going to make writing work for you. Do you want to make money as a writer, or do you only want to see your articles published? Do you have some ideas and goals to get where you want to be?
Have a portfolio/blog.
When you write for publications they may want to see clips of your works or they want to see your blog or website. They may love your article or book, but they also may want to know some more about you. A blog is very useful to engage readers. There are lots of options out there so shop around. You can see mine at www.jenniferswriting.org
Have a page with your info.
When you write a book this is called your sell sheet and it has information about links where readers can access your book. It is a good idea to do this for all or some of your work in case you need to show a publisher what you have done or to publish on social media for exposure.
Create a writer’s footprint.
When someone googles your name you want to have enough content out there that some of your articles come up. I had written over 80 articles for our local paper, so my youngest said, “Mom, I googled your name and you came up as news!”
Your local media is always looking for writers, so consider writing a few articles for free to get your name out there and look for online platforms for writers.
Master social media
I use Linked In, Facebook, Tik Tok, Instagram, and Pinterest, but you have other choices. Social media is a huge way to market your writing. When you write an article, send the link to your social media accounts. Talk about your writing and include links where readers can access it.
Use the profiles in your accounts to attract readers.
Build a presence by engaging with readers and giving them relatable content.
Seek a mentor.
Find someone who is successful and ask for help. A mentor can help you avoid some of the common mistakes.
Have a growth mindset.
I still have so much to learn about writing but I am willing to learn new things and I love trying new ways to make my writing more accessible.
Serve others.
The average reader is looking for information, help, inspiration, or all three. Write content that is going to serve your readers in some way.
Be patient.
Of all the advice I have heard I hear this the most and it is probably the best advice to give. Most writing success comes slowly as you grow and build your followers. Don’t give up because you never know when something wonderful will happen in your writing life.
If you asked me what I think the worse character trait is I would say hatefulness. I never understand why someone needs to be mean, and how being a hater benefits you. I know most hateful people are acting from hurt or feeling less than themselves, but I have spent many moments in disbelief about what someone said or did. The problem is there are times when I have shown the dark side of my personality as well. I have judged, criticized, laughed at, and made comparisons when I had no right to do that. So, If I want to see less hatefulness I should start with myself, right? Here are a few things I do to remind myself that kindness is the better choice over hatefulness every time.
Filter your words.
Have you ever said something without thinking about it first and you realize that without meaning to you have insulted the person in front of you? This is why I need someone to invent the verbal delete button. I do my best to take a breath and think about my reply before my inside voice comes roaring into the world. It’s a work in progress.
Find a positive.
Instead of judging someone find a positive about them and focus on that. We all have weaknesses, but we also have good qualities and you might find yourself liking someone more as you look for the good.
Look beyond yourself.
If you only focus on yourself you are missing out on learning about some interesting people. The next time you have a conversation focus on asking them questions about them instead of talking about yourself.
Avoid comparisons.
I notice that hatefulness often blossoms after jealousy. When someone sees something he wishes he had the hateful comments begin.
Practice gratitude.
If we spend more time looking at the blessings we have in our lives we won’t be so quick to criticize others.
We can all benefit from more kindness and fewer haters, so I hope you will join me in doing your best to avoid hatefulness in your own life.
I taught French and a sprinkling of Spanish for 40 years. During that time there were many experiences that I am grateful for and a few I could have done without having. Teaching allowed me to learn as much as I taught, and I met some amazing people along the way. Here are my top ten memories.
The burning van.
I had only been teaching for three years when I had a nasty scare while driving a school van. It was a beautiful spring day and I had to drive my lacrosse team to a school two hours away. As we were driving, I smelled something burning. I asked the girl in the front seat to look out of her window to see if she saw anything. She said, “I see sparks coming from the tire.” I pulled over thinking maybe we had a flat tire. I asked Julie again to step out and look. She came back and said very calmly, “Mrs. Bonn, I think you need to come to look.” I came around to the front and saw flames coming out of the engine. I opened the side door and said calmly, “Girls, I need you to all get out and move away from the van down the road. We kept moving farther down the road. A bystander came over to me and said, “Did you hear the second gas tank explode?” I kept asking myself if I had done everything I could to keep the girls safe. The firetruck came and the fire station sent a van to bring us to the station. The headmaster came and took us for ice cream and then took us to see the van. It was a burnt-out shell. When my husband came home it hit me that all of us could have died in that van. I started to shake and couldn’t stop for a long time.
The French trip when we drove.
I went on 18 school trips to France and some of them were more memorable than others. One of the ones I will never forget is when we drove. I am a nervous driver in the best of circumstances, so imagine me driving in France. I also need to mention that this was before cell phones and GPS so every day I was terrified that I would lose the other teachers in their vans. There were three vans and I drove a very comfortable car. The students in my car and I became family as we navigated through some adventures. I went the wrong way on an exit ramp but managed to turn around quickly, we reenacted the car scene in European vacation as we kept circling the same area in Avignon trying to reach our hotel because there were so many one-way streets. It was also rush hour. There was an older couple on the sidewalk and we were stopped in traffic, so I asked the boy in the front to ask how to get to our street. I told him how to say it in French, and he said it perfectly. I didn’t hear what the couple said because I was so focused on not wrecking and praying that I would someday see our group again. The couple walked away, and I said, “What did they say?” Frank looked at me and said, “You’re kidding right? I didn’t understand a word they said!” Lol. Suddenly one of our vans popped out of a side street gesturing wildly at us, so we followed them and finally arrived at our hotel.
The funniest moment was when we were leaving a parking garage. One of the vans was driven by Madame, our group leader. Madame was about four feet tall, tough as nails, and as no-nonsense as you can be. Madame was in front of us and as we were leaving the parking garage she discovered the van was too high for the exit because of a sunroof. Madame decided we were going through anyway and she floored the van sheering off the sunroof which landed in front of our car. Frank jumped out put the sunroof in our trunk and yelled, “We are all good Madame!” and off we went. We were trying not to laugh because we knew Madame was upset, but that only made us laugh more, and then a boy in the van stuck his hand out of the roof and waved to us and Madame hit a speed bump too fast and we watched the boy in the back take air while gripping his boom box.
Le Réveillon
Le Réveillon is the name for the Christmas dinner in France. One year, I thought it would be fun to have a potluck version of the dinner. I invited everyone to the French program and their families. We set up tables in the alumni center and decorated it for Christmas. I remember being so nervous that no one would come, or that there wouldn’t be enough food, but each year there were more people and the tables were overflowing with food. I asked several students to sing in French as well.
The dinner was a chance to show that the French program is alive and well. It also gave parents a chance to make connections with other parents, it allowed everyone to show some culinary skills, and parents could see their students perform.
When I changed schools, the dinner became an anticipated event, and the parents of seniors asked me for invitations for the next year. I always felt like a member of a family who was surrounded by love.
The last French trip
On my last trip, we had 32 participants. I was so nervous about taking that many people, but everyone stepped up to help at some point during our stay including two girls with Global passes who went through customs ahead of us and collected all our luggage, so it was waiting when we came through. (Our bags had tags for the trip, so they were easy to spot) I was so proud of everyone. We had incredible food, I’m not sure we could have laughed more, and I enjoyed watching everyone enjoy the country I love. I remember in one café, two of my students were in the back and I told the waitress I would pay for them. She asked me if they were my daughters, and I said they were my students, but I thought of them as my daughters too. You cannot go on a trip like that without feeling like family in the end.
The teacher’s trip to Belgium
One school where I taught offered me a chance to go on a trip to Belgium for teachers. The school paid for everything because the headmaster knew I would take what I learned and use it in the classroom. I am so grateful for that chance to travel and learn.
Language competitions
When I taught in North Georgia, we used to go to a world language competition at Western Carolina University. There were competitions in trivia, art, music, video, and theater. We became very good at knowing how to win, and one year we swept the whole competition. Here are a few of the moments I remember.
When freshman, Guleus Edwards sang Bring him home in French and a lady in the front row started to cry, and when he finished the applause exploded. Guleus performed every year. I think it was his junior year when we wrote a French rap. The scene was a wax museum with famous French singers as statues. The two people visiting would put a coin in and the singer would come alive. When Guleus performed the rap as M. C. Solaar, the applause was deafening. When I went into the bathroom after, the girls were all talking about how cool he was.
We re-enacted the battle scene from Les Misérables, made funny videos, and enjoyed using our language skills and our other interests.
The funny moments
There have been so many funny moments and I will always believe that laughter makes everything better. Here are a few.
One day, we had just finished a craft project and the students were back at their desks. A student asked me a question and I was looking at him while I was walking across the room. The only problem was I forgot about the plastic craft boxes and I was wearing tall platform shoes. My foot went into one of the boxes, I slipped, and I went down hard. I jumped back up and threw my arms in the air and said, “whoo! I’m o.k.” There was complete and utter silence which made me feel even more foolish. The next day, they told me they were horrified when I fell, and they thought I was hurt.
I have worn 2 different earrings and two different shoes, and I have had the bottom of a shoe disintegrate.
We had a guest writer from France come to visit and she did not speak any English. I told the students the day before she came that when you are in front of a native speaker for the first time you forget your name. She came into my French 3 class, turned to the quietest boy in the room, and asked him in French what his name was. He was frozen like a deer in headlights. His friend whispered, “Your name is Josh.” He said, “Oh, Je m’appelle Josh.”
Coaching
I have coached cross-country skiing, field hockey, lacrosse, and soccer, but my favorite was cross-country running. I had so much fun with our team. Many of the students were with me from 6th grade through 12th so we were like family. I will always treasure those moments.
A.P. Class
I have always been the only French teacher, so by the time a student entered A.P. we knew each other fairly well. A.P. French is taught by themes and there are some topics that can be controversial, so not only did the students learn French, but they also learned how to respect each other’s opinions.
Forty years of teaching gave me so many memories as well as giving me the opportunity to meet amazing people. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to teach.
When we talk about aging we usually think about the negatives. Those moments when we walk into a room and forget why we came, the aches and pains of a well-used body, so is everything about aging negative? The answer can be no depending on an individual’s situation because there are many benefits to aging. Here are a few.
Discounts
There are quite a few senior discounts and some start as early as 55. We have a wonderful thrift store in my town and my daughter always wants to go on senior day so she can use my discount. Many restaurants offer discounts, and some colleges offer free classes to seniors.
Priorities have changed.
By the time most of us have reached our sixties, we have figured out where our priorities should be. I used to put most of my energy into my job, but now I know my family needs more of that time,
Life slows down.
Hopefully, by your sixties, you will be able to retire and take life a little slower. You have a chance to work on interests you may have been too busy to do earlier.
Gratitude
As we become older and hopefully wiser we realize how blessed we are with what we have in our lives. Practicing an attitude of gratitude can help both our mental and physical health.
Acceptance of self
At a certain age, I realized that no matter what I did someone would judge me for it, so I needed to be the best version of myself I could be and people are free to like or dislike me.
Different perspectives
I know this is different for everyone, but I have seen many older friends soften their judgment of things and people. Maybe it only takes all those years to find the compassion to work on understanding both sides of a situation.
More time
When I was working full time I never felt like I had enough time for anything. Now that I’m retired I can choose to spend my time as I wish. I was surprised at how much my family needed my time. I love being able to focus completely on my husband, children, and grandchildren.
I hope you can see the positives among the challenges that aging brings.
Jennifer’s writing 