I took martial arts classes for eight years, and although there were several trips to urgent care and one to the hospital, I am very grateful for everything I learned. I have always thought that every woman should at least know the basics to protect herself, so here are a few easy-to-use tips to help a woman stay safe.

Know your surroundings

We can be so distracted when we are out in public, and that can be dangerous. If you are in public, take out your headphones, look up from your phone, and pay attention to what and who is around you. Park your car around other cars where you can be easily seen. Before you put groceries in your trunk, take another look around. Carry your keys in your hand, and if someone comes too close, turn on the panic button.

Avoid an issue

There are places and times of day when you are more likely to be in danger than others. Travel with friends and family, and always let someone know where you will be. Criminals are looking for easy targets that aren’t going to cause too much trouble. Our sensei, (teacher), used to tell us don’t look like a shiny piece of candy to a criminal. He also told us the minute we felt threatened was the time we could react, so start making noise.

Use your voice

If you feel threatened, you can start by saying, “Back off”, but it is o.k. to scream, or yell for help. When I was a teenager in France, my friend and I were hitchhiking, and we got into the wrong car. My friend jumped out the window, and the driver started to drive off. I yelled, “Stop!”, and luckily, he did.

If you are grabbed, grab back

This is to throw the attacker off-center and give you some stability to attack back. When you grab back, your options for attack open up.

Hit soft targets

Soft targets are the eyes, nose, throat, and groin. If you can hit these areas, you have more of a chance to inflict enough pain to run away.

Use what’s around you

Is there sand, or dirt you can throw in an attacker’s eyes? Can you throw rocks? Can you close a car door on his hands? Think of everything around you as something that could potentially save you.

Never agree to go to another location

Even if someone is threatening you with a weapon, do not go to another location. Your chances for harm double if you do that.

Your whole body is a weapon

Use your elbows, knees, nails, arms, legs, feet, and teeth to fight someone off.

Running away is a great defense

If you can safely run away, do it.

I strongly recommend women take advantage of self-defense training.

I know I am not the only one who has made perfectly sensible plans, only to have them derailed by an unexpected event. Fortunately, though, these disruptions can teach us to be more flexible and creative with our training. Instead of throwing in the towel, we can pivot and find a way to salvage our preparation and still show up to any competition.

The first time I had to rearrange my attitude and training was for my first ultra. I already saw an ultra as an impossible feat, but I was doing my best to turn it into a possible. I had put in the miles, and I had read several books on training. Three weeks before the event I received a call from my niece saying my sister was in the hospital and might not make it through the night. I live in Georgia, and my sister was in Connecticut, so my husband and I jumped on the first plane and rushed to the hospital. We spent the next week and a half spending as much time in the hospital as possible as my sister gradually recovered. By the time we returned home, I was considering not running the ultra, but two things happened that changed my mind. The first was the wisdom of my husband when he said, “Jen, it’s not the week and a half of not training that will matter, it’s the months of consistent training that you did do.” The second thing that convinced me to give the ultra a try was a book I found called The Big Book of Running. In one chapter, an elite runner had been prepared to run an ultra, but she caught the flu shortly before. She decided to run it anyway, only she would run it slower. She was so glad she did the race because she knew she wasn’t running to win, so she was able to enjoy the race more. Both things helped me to decide to do my first ultra, and I am so glad I did.

The second time I needed to rethink my training was because of an injury. Everything had been going so well, and then I tried to push my speed too hard and I strained my IT band. I had an ultra the next week and I decided to tape my leg up like a mummy and do what I could. I walked more than I normally would have, but I loved every minute.

My last experience where my training was disrupted was because of a migraine. It was billed as just barely an ultra at 26.6 miles, and the first one to reach that distance was the winner. I am a human barometer because if the weather changes too quickly, my head revolts. I was about 16 miles in when the pain started to get serious. I decided to start walking and running and eventually started walking. I knew I was getting close to reaching the distance, so I stopped at the table to check. The race director said, “Jen, you have 5 laps to go and the woman in the lead is 2 laps ahead of you.” I forgot about the headache and started sprinting. Then I realized I didn’t know which woman it was, so I stopped at the table and asked. “She’s the one in the paisley skirt.” I sprinted the last few laps and won!

When life throws you a roadblock, don’t automatically give up. Go around it and find a different way to get the job done.

We have seen enough studies to know that negativity and stress can harm our health, and positivity can improve it. It would seem obvious then that everyone should have a positive attitude, but it isn’t always that simple. Some of us do not have personalities or attitudes that easily translate into positivity, others still are not convinced of the benefits, and many have no idea about how to introduce positivity into their lives. Positivity takes training and consistency.

Send out positive thoughts

I have always been a positive person in general when it comes to being happy and hopeful, but I knew I needed to work harder on believing in myself and believing that I could make good things happen. I started to speak positively to influence the outcome with my positive belief that it would happen. An example would be when we pulled into a crowded restaurant parking lot, I would say, “We are going to get right in. There won’t be a wait.” The first few times, my family laughed and said, “Right. We are going to have to wait.” I would make them laugh by telling them I was sending out positivity and it was going to work. I wish you could have seen their faces the first three times when we walked into a crowded restaurant and were seated right away. Now, they all believe it works and if I say something negative, my daughters will say, “Mom, don’t put that out in the universe!” Give positive phrases a try, and I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

Change your words.

Listen to what you and the people around you say. How often are your words negative? Start catching yourself when you say something negative and change it into a positive. Start saying positive things to other people. Find a compliment you can give or proclaim your faith in his ability. Start using phrases that start with, “I will”, and “I can.”

Be grateful

No matter what your situation is, there are things to be grateful for in your life. Make a list where you can see it and add to it as you think of new things.

Welcome in the positive

I say to myself every day, “I pray for only good things. Please let me lift people up and not tear them down.”

Surround yourself with positive words and people

The people around you influence your attitude. Positivity and negativity are catchy, so choose the better option. Have positive words where you can see them, and listen to positive podcasts.

I have my dog’s personality

If you have read any of my articles about my dog, you know that I joke about his personality traits that are sometimes a lot to handle, but I am so in love with this dog, even the crazy parts of him. Anyways, this morning I was out throwing the Frisbie with him, and as he ran off to subdue a stick, I suddenly realized that I am like my dog in many ways. Let me explain with this list of traits we share.

Hyperactivity

I cannot sit still for long. When someone talks about a twofer (watching two movies back-to-back), I can’t even imagine. If I sit down to watch television, I must be doing another activity as well. I don’t like not feeling productive. Bandit has the same energy. When he is finally lying quietly, I’m afraid to move and break the spell. I think he is so excited about all the possibilities for fun that he doesn’t want to miss a second.

Impatience

I don’t do well waiting to do something. I want it to happen right away. I need action. Bandit will bring you a tennis ball to throw, and he will bring it closer and to different spots. If you still don’t throw the ball, he will take one item at a time out of his toy box and bring them to you. He doesn’t understand that you might be busy, he wants you to interact with him now.

The need to be loved

Bandit cannot stand it when you are disappointed in him. He will love on you and give you a pitiful look until you assure him that he is amazing. I don’t need to be convinced of that, but it is important to me to feel loved by the people I care about.

A love of food

I am always hungry and so is Bandit. My mood drops to a dangerous level if I am hungry for too long. It is so bad that if we are on a road trip, and I say I am hungry, my husband gets a panicked look and starts looking for the nearest exit.

A love of running

Running feels like freedom for me, and I think Bandit feels the same. It is just a different type of freedom for the two of us. When Bandit runs, he releases all the extra energy, racing towards adventure and squirrels. When I run, the freedom comes in movement and clearing my mind.

A love of people

I love talking to people, watching them, and inventing scenarios for their lives, and I especially love helping them if I can. Bandit doesn’t think anyone is a stranger, and he is going to give the next person as much love as the last.

A positive response to meanness

One of the traits I love about Bandit is that when another dog becomes a little aggressive, Bandit has avoidance techniques instead of engaging in aggressive behavior. I have interacted with quite a few toxic people, and although I have had to confront a few about their behavior, I would rather be the better person than to imitate them.

My husband shared a water bottle with our grandson who had just recovered from a stomach bug, and of course, my husband was ill two days later. I tried to keep my distance, but I’m feeling a little off myself. I started to think about the way different people deal with illness, and it made me wonder what causes the differences. Let me tell you about how several people I know and how they handle illness, and I hope you can relate.

My husband sees illness as a weakness. He is also a horrible nurse. It is so bad that my daughters have sworn to me that if I am ever seriously ill, they will check on me regularly. When he says he doesn’t feel well, we all start to worry because we know it is serious.

I fight illness and do not want to give in to it because there are so many things I want to do. I told my youngest this morning that I didn’t feel well, and she said, “Mom, go back to bed! Why are you trying to fight it? Of course, she is the voice of reason. We should take care of ourselves, and when our bodies aren’t performing at full capacity, we should rest.   

My daughters both realize that when illness strikes, you should let your body heal, and it’s o.k. to ask for help. They ask for all the cures I have used on them through the years, and I love helping them feel better.

I have a friend who is going through breast cancer, and the doctors say they have never seen anyone have such a bad reaction to treatment. On top of cancer, she has to have stomach surgery. When I was speaking with her, I was humbled by her courage and her attitude. She said, “Well, I have to tell myself that this is another hurdle to get over, and when I do, I’ll be on the road to recovery.”

So, why do people have different attitudes about illness? I don’t think there is one answer. I think it depends on your personality, your environment, and how you were raised. How do you deal with illness?

When your dog plays all in

I am sure that everyone who saw the news piece with the dog that ran into the gorilla’s cage was on the edge of their chair praying that the dog made it to safety. My second thought was my dog Bandit could have been the dog in there. His attitude is, “Oh look, an opening! I’m going in!” The dog in the gorilla cage is proof of how dangerous that can be. When I let him out in the morning, Bandit doesn’t calmly go down the stairs. He takes them five at a time, and sprints into the woods, unless an unsuspecting neighbor is out enjoying the morning calm. Then he tears over to them, leaping on them and trying to lick them into submission. I follow in his wake, apologizing to anyone he has encountered. Have you seen the ad where the woman is using her visa card to buy things to replace because her dog has destroyed them, and she is constantly saying I’m sorry? That’s me without the visa card. Anyways, rushing head-on into the unknown territory can be dangerous for a dog, so my dog trainer friend, Lynn came to my rescue again. It is fairly easy to teach your dog to stay near you when you are concerned about safety. Put some treats in your pocket and say the command, “Stay with me., or “With me.” Praise the dog when he does it and keep working on it until you know he has learned the trick.  Bandit forgets sometimes, but seriously, there are so many things to sniff and people to meet. I just want him to do it safely.

The second situation when playing all in, and by that I mean you are willing to risk life or limb for something, is when we play Frisbee. It is very cool to see how high he can go to catch the frisbee. He stays suspended in the air for a minute, and then lands lightly on the ground, except when he doesn’t. He is determined to catch the frisbee, and he will contort his body to do it. This morning, he twisted and caught it, but landed with a smack on his side. I stood there for a minute and prayed he was ok. He must have known I was scared, (this dog’s ability to read your emotions is amazing.” Because he came over with that look that says you may pet me and adore me now, and then he ran off to conquer a stick. My friend Lynn has a dog who also plays all in. He has broken two teeth because he is going to retrieve an object at all costs. Lynn will not let him play in a small area because she says there is more potential for injury.

If you have a dog that plays all in, just find ways to ensure his safety, and don’t attempt to see how far he can push that all-in mentality because it can end badly. If you haven’t figured out from my other articles about my dog, I love him, I laugh at the crazy and the non-stop energy, I only want to make sure he will be safe.

Surround yourself with what matters

Surrounding yourself with the right people and things can make a huge difference in your life. My office is a great example of this. I have a comfy couch placed to the side of my desk that is perfect for when a family member comes in to talk about life or what has happened that day. It’s also perfect for a nap on a rainy day, or a spot to edit some writing. My office is full of everything that makes me happy. There are bright-colored roses, photos of family, friends, and animals, special notes, journals, and a vision board to remind me of my goals. We should all surround ourselves with the people and things that bring us joy.

The right people

Good friends and family are like precious jewels. Be thankful for them, spend time with them, and make sure they know how much you appreciate them. They say that you are like the five people you spend the most time around, so choose wisely.

Inspiration

We all need to see someone who refuses to accept failure or challenges. The courage to strive for goals in life despite the roadblocks that can hold you back is a quality I think we all would like to have. I have several photos up of people who inspire me, so I can remember not to complain about something silly when other people have survived major issues.

Color

I love bright colors, so I have several bouquets of roses to brighten up the room. My computer background is a meadow full of flowers of vibrant colors. Color can lighten your mood and give you a boost when you need it.

Nature

I have plants everywhere. I am fascinated by the way things grow, and I love having a variety of plants around me.

Comfort

I have quite a few things on my desk that comfort me. I have a picture from my wedding day when we were back at my house for a reception after the reception. The picture is of myself and my brother-in-law, but in the background, my parents are peeking around us with big grins. I found the picture one day when I was missing them badly, and it was as if they were saying, “Here we are!” I also have a picture of my son when he was four, and I remember the moment so clearly. We had just had a snowstorm, and he could not wait to go play in the snow. He was heading down the stairs when he turned and said, “Mom, are you coming?!” I have sweet notes from students and snippets of wisdom.

Motivation

I have a vision board up to remind me of my goals. I also have a few signs with messages that are important to me. One says, “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”, and another says, “Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.”

These are only some things that work for me. What do you need to surround yourself with to create some joy?

Silence is comfortable

There are times when you feel you have to fill every moment with conversation, but with a friend, silence is comfortable. You enjoy being with each other, and there is nothing to prove because you know each other.

He knows you well

A good friend knows what you like, what your dreams are, and what you would do or say in any situation. He knows your story.

He is your cheerleader

A good friend celebrates your success instead of being jealous. He says, “Of course, you were chosen.” Instead of, “Why were you chosen?” He sees your good qualities and ignores the bad.

He shows up when you need it

Life can throw you some zingers, and a good friend shows up even when things get messy. Several years ago, my husband had a small stroke. I sent a note to some friends and asked them to pray for John to be o.k. My friend Donna was at the hospital in record time. I will never forget her willingness to support me when I needed her.

He motivates you

I have a running buddy with whom I have a healthy competition. We check with each other to see who has more steps for the day, and when we go to races, we are always trying to beat each other. At one race, I was almost over the finish line when suddenly, he came sprinting past me. We were running a half-marathon and he was ahead of me. I caught him at mile eleven and noticed he was struggling. I pulled up next to him and said, “Hey!” The look on his face was priceless as he got a second wind and sped off down the road.

He makes you laugh

A good friend shares your sense of humor and laughs easily with you.

He is a voice of reason

I am super sensitive, so having a friend who can show me the reality of the situation is good for me.

You don’t need to have a lot of friends, you only need one or two really good ones.

I was a teacher for forty years and I retired last year because my daughter wanted me to help her with my grandson. When the question was asked if teachers should be armed, I had several reactions.

My first reaction was that everyone should do the job she is trained to do. I can tell you as someone who experienced it, that teachers are overworked and underpaid. Most schools offer teachers thirty minutes for lunch that shrinks to 15-20 because students want to talk after class, someone needs help, and the lunch line takes forever to get through. There are also meetings during lunch as well as club activities. There is barely time to go to the bathroom. When Covid hit, teachers were given even more duties while having to be more creative and innovative and balance teaching both in class and remote instruction. Adding something as intense as being responsible for gun use in the classroom might be one more thing to push good teachers out of the classroom.

What if we allow teachers to teach as they were trained to do and bring in more security personnel who have been adequately trained to check safety measures, and protect both students and school personnel?

My second thought was that schools need to practice and talk about security measures more. My last school did a great job as far as implementing security measures and practicing lockdown procedures. The school brought in a man who oversaw a security company speak to small groups about what to do if a shooter was in the school. He came to each classroom and showed the teacher where to move students in a lockdown and what could be placed against the door to keep the shooter out. We practiced lockdown drills where a piece of black Velcro was placed over classroom door windows and doors which should always be in the locked position were closed. Teachers were told not to reopen their doors until an announcement was made that the lockdown was done. I’m sure the system was not perfect, but we were having important discussions and preparing for a difficult situation.

My next reaction was that if you have fifty teachers and you arm them, that’s fifty chances for guns to get in the wrong hands or to be used improperly. Where will the guns be stored? How will they be trained? Where will the money come from?

We have many topics to discuss about guns, but I hope we decide to say no to arming teachers with guns.

Most families have at least a few issues they have to work through. As parents, we have to find the right balance of love and guidance. The guidance involves discipline that isn’t always easy to navigate. There are so many things that have the potential to drive a family apart, so what is the glue that keeps them together? Here are a few that have helped me with my three children.

Understanding

Each of my three children is radically different, so I cannot treat them the same way. When my two older children were younger, I could talk to them sternly if they had done something wrong, but my youngest will burst into tears if you show any anger.

Jess is driven, independent, funny, and tough. Tyler deals only in the moment, he is easygoing and wants to do a million interesting things, Kate is kind, quiet, wise, and anxious. I have learned that I have to understand their differences and allow them to find what makes them happy.

Forgiveness

Part of being a family is being able to forgive each other. When Jess was a teen, she and I fought a lot. We were so angry at each other. Now, we have reconnected and apologized for not understanding each other.

Laughter

We laugh a lot as a family. We see the humor in everything, and we laugh until we cry. It is so bad that if we are out in public, we try to control ourselves, but inevitably we are laughing like fools. Laughter makes you happy, and it makes memories.

Unconditional love

Your family should be the people who love you even when you are at your worse. They are there to pick you back up when you fail. Love can mean hard discipline too because you know that the consequences of bad decisions will teach a valuable lesson. Jessica decided to party her way through her first year of college and was placed on academic probation which meant she would have to do a fifth year to graduate. At the end of her fourth year, I told her I had agreed to pay for four years, so she would have to pay for the fifth year. It was hard for me to tell her that, but she told me later that it was a good lesson for her.

Families need to have understanding, love, laughter, and forgiveness, and if they can maintain those, they will find the glue that holds families together.