Thoughts for Reflections

     I had a French teacher in high school who never called fixing our mistakes corrections. She would always tell us she had added several pearls of wisdom in the margins for our reflection. She wanted us to think about what we had written instead of merely changing it. She taught us that it wasn’t enough for something to be wrong or right, it mattered that you had thought about it and found a way to back up your opinion. She not only gave us pearls of wisdom in the margins, but she also gave us thoughts about life.

If you are like me, you occasionally need some pearls of wisdom, or a few words of inspiration to lift you up, or some thoughts for reflection. This is what I would like to offer you, a few positive thoughts for your reflection.  

Everyone has issues that they are dealing with so do not think you are the only one struggling with life. Many times the people who seem to have it the most together are the ones with the biggest issues and the ones who need our kindness the most. The quickest way to forget about your troubles is to reach out and help someone else.

Hugs are healing and should be given freely.

No one is a perfect parent. The best parents give love freely, set boundaries, and give out consequences when the boundaries are breached.

Everyone has value and a voice that deserves to be heard.

A simple smile can turn someone’s whole day around.

Spirituality is all around you if you are ready to accept it.

Being healthy is not rocket science and it’s not achieved in 5 minutes or from a pill.

Nothing really good comes easily.

Failure does teach you more than success.

Never give up because you could be a breath away from success

It’s o.k. to keep doing it wrong until you get it right.

Run away from toxic things and people.

Fear destroys dreams.

Love makes a difference.

Reality differs from person to person.

Politeness is something that everyone should practice.

Acts of kindness have a domino effect.

You can learn something from everyone.

Stress can kill you, and worrying is wasted energy.

Positive thinking does work.

What you do whether good or bad will come back to you.

People will treat you the way that you let them treat you.

Learning new things stimulates your brain.

We should all believe in miracles.

Children know how to live best. We should follow their example but maybe forget about the tantrums.

Blessings are all around us.

Realizing what we have is more important than complaining about what we don’t.

It’s not what happens to you it’s how you react to it.

A bad day is a choice.

Attitude can change everything.

Laughter is the best medicine.

A sense of humor makes everything better.

When it comes to friends, quality not quantity counts.

Service to others is a way to give back.

Hard work does pay off.

Setting goals is a great motivator.

Slow down a little to enjoy life more.

Sleep can affect everything else you do.   

Never feel guilty for occasionally doing nothing.

Showing an interest in other people can teach us more about ourselves.

It’s never all about you.

Simple is always best.

Walk away from drama.

You cannot say I love you too much.

Reading makes you smarter.

These are only some very basic thoughts that I hope will make you nod your head, and hopefully resonate with you in some way.

• The course is mostly flat

Most runners have heard this lie, and although they want to believe it, they know that flat is a relative term. Mostly flat means there is at least one hill that will almost kill you, and rolling hills means you are in big trouble and will probably need a nap later. The worst elevation lie though is from the race directors who claim the race is a downhill race. There may be some downhill here and there, but you are going to travel up at some point.

• The race is almost sold out.

This lie works on runners because we are afraid of missing out on a running opportunity. There are probably at least 100 spots still open, but the idea that we might lose our spot makes us sign up immediately.

• I would love to run with you.

I have fallen for this lie on numerous occasions and it can come from both non-runners and runners. The conversation usually goes like this.

“I would love to run a race with you.”

“Oh, that would be great! There is one this weekend, would you like to go?”

“No, I think I’m busy this weekend.”

“what about next weekend?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m busy then too.”

Most people want to talk about racing, but for many the idea of showing up at a race is daunting. If they would only come once, they would see there is a variety of fitness levels at every race.

• You will PR on this course.

Every runner would like to pr, but this claim is usually a hook to attract you to a race. Although terrain and elevation can help you attain a personal best, your training and nutrition will have more of an effect on whether you PR or not.

• You are almost there.

I am ashamed to say I am guilty of telling this lie to a friend who was doing her first 10k.

She was so afraid she would not make it to the finish, and she kept asking me how long it was until the next mile marker, so I kept telling her we were almost there. Most of the time, this lie is heard halfway into a distance race and while you wish you could believe it, you know you have miles to go.

• I haven’t run much, or I’m injured.

I love to listen to runners talking to each other about their supposed injuries before a race. They tell each other why they will not perform well at the current race while it is only a safety net in case they do not do well. They have given an excuse for a lackluster performance, so if it should happen, they can save their dignity.

• The trail is well marked.

This is an unfortunate lie for the directionally impaired like me. There have been more than a few times when I have run a few extra miles because there were not enough markers on the trail.

• There is a variety of terrain.

This usually means you are in for a rough race if you do not have the right shoes. There will be creeks, gravel, mud, grass, pavement, roots, and stones waiting for you out there.

• These are the best shoes.

Shoes are personal and you must figure out through trial and error which are the right ones for you. There is no perfect shoe for all. Go to a running store and have them check your running style, talk to other runners, and then try a few on to see which ones feel good.

• Real runners run distance or run fast or both.

If you run, you are a real runner. Do not listen to the lie that you have to be super-fast or capable of running mega miles in order to be a runner. I often admire the person who struggles to run but who stills shows up more than I do the elite runner.

                            How to Support Expectant and New Mothers

Shortly after my daughter announced she was expecting, I told her she was going to hear all kinds of crazy comments and advice. I warned her it would amaze her what people would think it was o.k. to say, and that she should not let any of it bother her. As her pregnancy progressed, she has shared many of these moments with me, and we have laughed, rolled our eyes, and shaken our heads.

Expecting a child and being a new mother is a tumultuous time for anyone, even someone who has had several children, but it is especially crazy for first-time parents. Everyone has slightly different experiences, everyone is wondering what to expect and what is “normal”. It is a time when new parents need support more than ever, but often we are not sure how to best give that support. Here are some ideas for what you can do and say, as well as what you should consider not saying or doing.

During pregnancy

It’s probably never a good idea to ask someone when she is due unless you have been told she is pregnant, or she is wearing a t-shirt that says baby on board. Although we all wish we looked like we did pre-pregnancy after a week, it takes longer than that for most women to lose the baby weight, so even when someone looks like they must be pregnant, it’s a good idea to not ask that question.

Every woman has the right to tell her labor story as often as she wants, but share it with women who have also already gone through childbirth. Do not share the graphic details with an expectant mother. If it is her first time giving birth, she does not need to hear stories about tearing, passing out, problems with the birth in general, or the three days that you were in labor. If anything went wrong with your pregnancy, a first-time mom is not the person with whom you should share it. Instead of telling your story, encourage the pregnant woman to journal about her experience. Encourage her to make a list of questions to her doctor instead of offering your advice.

The only comment that should be made about a pregnant woman’s appearance is to tell her she looks amazing, and that she is glowing. The following comments and questions should be avoided; “Wow, you have gotten huge! Are you sure you are not having twins? You are so small, are you sure you are, o.k.? Wow, you are swollen!” When I was pregnant with my first child, there was a colleague who would yell, “Hey, fat lady!” I can assure you that pregnant women do not enjoy being called fat.  

Avoid asking personal questions about choices the parents will make when the baby arrives. It is no one’s business whether the mother will breastfeed, or what type of birth she will have. If she offers this advice, support her choice even if it would not have been the way you would have done it.

Ask what you can do to help during pregnancy. You could offer help with housework, arrange for a foot rub, or arrange for food to be delivered. If the mom has children, offer to help with the children.

Emotions can be crazy during pregnancy, so give the expectant mother some grace if she seems to not be herself, or if she bursts into tears for no reason. It is a wonderful time to surround her with laughter, relaxation, family, and good food.

While it is ok to ask if parents know what gender they are having, it is not appropriate to say things like, “Are you ok with that?”, or, “Oh, another boy, are you going to keep trying?” Let the expectant mother know that you are hoping for a happy, healthy baby. 

Do not talk about having a child as a doom and gloom situation. Keep your comments positive and instead of saying things like, “Wow, get ready, you are not going to get any sleep.” Say, “Keep telling yourself this is only temporary, and eventually the baby will sleep longer.”

After the Birth

If the new mom wants to share intimate details of the birth that is up to her but do not ask for specifics other than how big the baby was.

Do not suggest to the new mom that her milk might not be adequate, or that if she doesn’t do something correctly she will go back to the hospital, or ask after a week why a schedule has not been established.

Although everyone wants to see and hold the baby, the new parents also need the space to figure out what works for both the baby and them. The new mom needs rest and quiet. This is a time when you should ask what the new parents need and then respect that. Food is almost always appreciated, but ask what they would like. Some new moms want family around them while others want to bond with the baby and figure out what will work for them. Do not give advice unless you are asked. Be patient and help out where it is needed.

Let the new parents know what an amazing job they are doing, and support their choices. Parenting is messy and chaotic, but they will figure it out. Help support them to do that, but on their terms.     

Karate Chick

I started Karate when I was forty-five. I am a mild-mannered teacher and mother of three, and I don’t think many people would guess that I am passionate about a form of martial arts and that the part I enjoy the most is fighting.

I started karate because my son always wanted to do it, and I saw it as something we could do together. I remember walking into the first class not being sure what I was getting into, but I never guessed at the roller coaster ride ahead of me.

I immediately fell in love with the way karate pushed me physically. I lift weights and I am a distance runner, but karate changed my body in ways I never expected. I dropped five pounds in the first month, and my body became more toned than ever before. The strength karate gave me helped my running and also gave me more confidence. When I began to see positive changes, it encouraged me to try harder to become stronger and be in better condition. Karate is like speed training in running. You need quick bursts of energy and there is a wide range of activities within a workout. Karate can give you both strength training and cardio.

Karate can also help you make positive changes emotionally. When I first started, I became very frustrated when something new did not come to me right away. As I trained, I learned that anything is possible if you do not give up. I changed my mentality from “I can’t do this” to “O.K. what do I need to do to learn this.” It is amazing how much easier it is to learn something when you take down a few obstacles you have placed in your own way.

Karate has given me the courage to do things I never thought I would do. When I am on the mat, I am terrified, but no matter what I am asked to do, I conquer my fear and do it.

Karate has also taught me that simple can be best in all things. A technique or movement does not have to be complicated for it to be effective. We often make our lives too complicated, and karate has taught me that in life and the dojo, it is best to follow the path of least resistance.

Karate is not an easy sport. I have had my share of injuries including a black eye, a torn Solaris muscle, a knocked-out tooth, busted stitches, and a torn band. I knew I might have a problem when I went to the urgent care for my stitches and the nurse said, “Have you been here?” and my reply was “Not to this one.” After each injury, I have been eager to jump back into the fray. Karate pushes me to the limit both mentally and physically, and I know this is what I need to improve myself. Here are some ways to find success if you choose karate.

Find a Mentor

You must ask questions to become better at anything and karate is a prime example. Find someone willing to help train you. Realize that you can learn from everyone in the dojo, but it is good to have a central person who can guide you through your training. There is always so much more to learn, and it is helpful to have someone who is invested in helping you improve. Everyone has different styles, so it is a good idea to ask the opinions of as many people as possible and then adapt everything to a style that works for you.

Push yourself

Don’t settle for just being good and getting by. Make your goal to be the best you can be. Push yourself in each class. Make a goal to improve something each time you step on the mat. Practice at home. Study the sport. Watch others that you admire and try to see what makes them successful. Improve your physical conditioning by working out outside of class.

Be mentally tough

Karate is just like any sport when it comes to the importance of mental strength. You must have an attitude in karate and go into any situation with confidence and strength. Don’t ever give up and keep telling yourself you can do it. Keep getting back up when you are knocked down and never stop fighting. Meditation and imagining your success can both improve your mental strength.

Never underestimate an opponent

Just because someone is wearing a lower rank belt than you, does not mean they cannot pull something off you did not expect. Treat each opponent with respect and be on your guard. Do not go too easy on lower-ranking students since this can sometimes be seen as disrespect. You can learn from everyone who trains with you.

Don’t forget the basics

Everything you learn builds on the basics. If your basic forms are not good, then the rest of your techniques will suffer. Take the time to go back regularly to practice beginning forms and katas. I constantly find new things I can improve.

Give back

Once you are at a higher rank, take the time to help beginners. Offer to help them learn new techniques. Listen to their concerns and share stories. Let them know you have gone through many of the things they are going through.

I would recommend women to give karate a try. Don’t be deterred because there are more male students than females. Karate can teach you skills to protect yourself, improve your confidence, and be at your strongest physically. Take your first step towards being a ninja.

                                                     

     There have been so many times when the biggest difference that I have made in someone’s life was done completely without a conscious effort. It is amazing how simple acts of kindness can completely turn someone around. An act we consider inconsequential can be huge to someone else.

     The simple gift of time can save someone’s life. My oldest sister had just gone through a divorce after thirty years of marriage. Not only had her husband left her for someone twenty years younger, he also tried to have their marriage annulled by the Catholic church because his new partner wanted him to become Catholic. My sister was devastated that not only had her husband left her, but also her church might turn its back on her. I was amazed an annulment could be considered after thirty years of marriage, but fortunately the request was denied. Shortly after all of that, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. I brought her lunch one day and assured her that the women in our family were strong enough to make it through anything, and she would have support when she needed it. I eventually went home and thought nothing more about that day. Five years later my sister said to me; “You know the day you brought me lunch?” I said I did and she said; “I was going to kill myself that day. I didn’t think I was strong enough to go on and you convinced me that I was.” I had no idea the simple conversation I had with my sister could have had such an impact, but I am very glad I took the time to go visit her.

     You can also affect your children with the gift of time. You don’t have to buy them fancy gadgets and toys. What they really want and need is you. Lift them up by telling them how much you enjoy spending time with them. Watch a movie together, read together, find an activity that you both love. Slow down long enough to see how special your family is.

     How many people would benefit from the simple interaction of someone who wants to listen to their story? How we listen affects people too. We are all so busy and everyone is trying to multitask and we do not really focus fully on people who are speaking to us. Turn towards the person who wants your attention. Stop doing everything else and listen.

     You never know what someone is struggling with and sometimes a little kindness can go a long way. Recently, we were at a race and winners were being announced. A girl in front of us won in her age group and when her name was called I yelled “Whoohoo, Jody!! You go girl!” She thanked me and told me it meant a lot to her when I cheered for her because her whole family was in Colombia and she was homesick. We took pictures for her so she could send them home. Once again, it was such a simple act that meant so much to someone else.

     As a teacher, it is my job to encourage my students, but I have to tell you that the students who have thanked me and told me I changed their lives were almost always those students for whom I never felt I had done anything out of the ordinary. I once wrote a note in a journal of a girl who worked so hard all of the time. I told her I appreciated her amazing work ethic. At the end of the year, I was coming back to the dorm from graduation and I met her coming down the stairs. She had left her friends and family and had come to wait for me to tell me she appreciated all I had done for her. All I could think was that I hadn’t done anything special for her.

     You never know when you will have a chance to lift someone up. I once went into have a massage and the woman and I were making casual conversation when she revealed to me that she was in an abusive relationship. I spoke with her about it and at the end of the session she said “I think you were sent here today for me.” In my mind all I had done was express what I knew was common sense.

     Imagine if only by smiling you could turn someone’s day around. Holding the door for someone or asking how they are doing are all so easy to do and you could be making a difference for someone. It is so easy to be caught up in ourselves, but the best way to feel good about ourselves is to help someone else.

     We have a chance every day; we can live in our own little world, never talk to strangers, let other people take care of problems, or we can step out of our comfort zone and do our best to lift up as many people as we can. As for me, I’m ready to do some heavy lifting if it will make a difference.      

                                                   

The past year has been full of important topics to discuss, but as a nation, we have struggled with having constructive interactions. Several conditions set up roadblocks to talking about an issue calmly and intelligently, and  there are several reasons why these discussions often break down. If we can remove these conditions from the table, we can begin to have honest conversations where we work towards understanding and solutions. Here are a few things to do to keep a conversation on track.

Keep the discussion focused on one topic at a time.

Let’s use Covid as a potential topic. Imagine someone says that Covid wasn’t real, but before you can respond to that, the speaker veers off on another completely different topic. Ask the person if you can go back to the first comment before talking about the second one. The reason you are doing this is to allow you to hone in on one thing and have a full understanding of the other person’s position as well as having a chance to express your thoughts instead of jumping around among a million grievances. 

Express your interest and ask for clarification

Let the person with whom you are speaking know you are interested in her thoughts. Everyone wants to know she has a voice and that she has been heard. Ask her to explain her statement, and ask why she feels this way. Use body language to show your interest. Turn your body completely towards her, and make eye contact.

Empathize with the other person.

Tell the person with whom you are speaking that you can see why she would think this way. Even if you think her opinion is outlandish, empathizing with her lets her know you are understanding where her opinion is coming from. It does not mean you agree with her. It will make any difference in an opinion easier for her to accept.

Express your opinion calmly without emotions.

Emotions are often the cause of failed discussions. Anger, frustration, and a lack of knowledge will derail a good conversation. Stay calm even if the other person does not.

Look at the facts together

Invite the other person to look at the facts that you have found about the subject. Many conversations involve false information that can be cleared up if we look at the information together.

Brainstorm solutions.

So many issues could be resolved if we worked together instead of feeling as if we need to choose sides. Us versus them mentality is counterproductive and causes more problems.

Realize sometimes you have to walk away.

I think we have all shaken our heads now and then during the past year over reality versus the perception of reality. There will be people who refuse to listen or change their opinion even when the facts are in front of them. If you feel as if you are talking in a circle, you are wasting your time.

I hope these ideas will help you as you ask each other questions on hot topics, trade opinions, and look for solutions. There are so many opportunities for positive change, but we have to work together and not against each other. It all starts with some positive discussions.  

In any workplace, there are many different personality types, as well as personal histories, needs, and foibles we all need to know how to navigate. While we might label some people we work with as toxic, we also have a responsibility to make the workplace and our interactions productive with the way we handle ourselves. Let me give you a few examples of actions we can take to make both our co-workers and our lives more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Listen

This is harder than we think because we want to interject our opinion, advice, and personal story, often before the speaker has finished. We are also so distracted by the million other things we have on our minds. We are often too busy thinking of the next task we need to complete, and that makes it difficult to focus completely on what the person in front of us is saying.

Actively listen to the people around you by making eye contact, waiting until the person is done speaking to make comments, and turning your body completely towards them instead of towards the door that you are already thinking about exiting. When the speaker is finished, ask questions for understanding.

Also, listen to the conversations going on around you. There is a difference between eavesdropping on private conversations and listening to chatter that is being shared with the general audience. You will learn about how others view the workplace and where they see the challenges.

Know your co-workers.

It’s easy to judge someone’s personality, actions, and performance, but we might see it in a different light if we have some background information about the burdens they carry. Many of us are struggling with personal issues that can affect our actions at work. Pay attention to the emotions of those around you and understand some negative interactions might not only be because someone is obnoxious. Use kindness as often as you can without dropping down to the level of inappropriate behavior.

Don’t engage in negativity.

The problem with negativity is it is contagious and it never helps the situation. People who talk behind other’s backs to you are also going to talk about you. There is a great way to fight this form of negativity. The next time a co-worker badmouths someone, make sure you add a positive quality you have noticed about that person, and then quickly change the subject. Be the helper, not the hater.

Practice empathy

Everyone wants to be heard, but they also want to be understood. They want to feel that someone can connect with what they are feeling and why. Empathy is easy to practice and it can make the workplace and productivity much better. The next time someone is expressing how they feel about something at work, instead of jumping in with solutions, see if you can guide the individual to his own solution by asking questions. Ask basic questions like, “What do you think would work?” or “Why do you think he expects that of you?” or delve into the emotions of the situation by asking what would make the person feel better about the situation. Most people can talk themselves to the solution, they only need some guidance. You will not have to feel as if you are stuck in the middle because you only asked questions without inserting your opinion.

Protect yourself

Of course, we all want to use as many positive strategies as possible to maintain a good working environment, but it is also important to take care of yourself by documenting interactions with others, especially when there is some animosity involved. Keep track of communications in case you need to prove you followed proper procedures. Not everyone wants to play nice.

Making the workplace stress-free and a place of congeniality and collaboration may take some extra effort on everyone’s part, but it will make such a difference in the ambiance and performance level. You may enjoy going to work instead of dreading it.

In normal times many of us suffer from anxiety, but add on a pandemic and the need to shelter in place and we have a situation ripe for a mental meltdown. Whether you struggle with wondering about the what ifs, or you have an uncertain future with your job, or a million other reasons that you might be anxious, here a few things that I hope will ease your mind.

Keep a routine

Our lives have been turned upside down and for most of us our normal routine has been altered. When that routine is gone we can lose our structure and be left not knowing what to do next. Although your routine will not be what you are used to doing, create one for now and stick to it. Start each day by making a list of what you need to do that day and check things off as you go.

Exercise

Movement is a great way to relieve tension. Turn on some music or let your mind go blank as you move. You will feel better when you are done.

Find quiet time

If you have a large family sequestered with you, it may take some creativity for this to work but you need to have some quiet, peaceful time when no one is asking anything of you and you are not listening to anything but silence. Silence can be restorative. If you are by yourself, you still need some time where you stop what you are doing and enjoy the stillness.

Stay connected

It helps to maintain your ties with others to avoid feeling alone. You can connect with facetime, google, GroupMe or your phone. The first day of teaching virtually everyone was nervous but so many people made it a point to say they were there for support that it made the first few days easier. Text family members and friends to check in on them.

Disconnect

Although you want to stay connected to people, you want to occasionally disconnect from technology. Being bombarded by the dire news on the television and internet as well as receiving three times as many e-mails and updates than normal can cause anyone to feel anxiety. Put your phone and your computer in another room and do something that you enjoy.

Keep a journal

Writing your feelings is always a good idea. It gives us a chance to reflect on our emotions and what causes them. It is a way to release the thoughts that we might not want to share with someone else.

Do what brings you peace

Do more of what gives you peace and don’t put it last on your list of priorities. Reading, writing, gardening, exercising, listening to music and cooking are a few examples of activities that might ease anxiety.

Help others

The best way to forget about any of your struggles is to help someone else fight theirs. When we start to have a pity party it doesn’t take long to realize that there are many people who are much worse off than we are. There is so much need around us and helping others always feels good.

Use essential oils

I started using essential oils because a friend I trust was touting their benefits. I am so glad I listened to her because they have made a huge change in my life. I am not an expert but here are the ones I use and why.

Peppermint oil   a few drops on my forehead relieves a headache faster than any aspirin and rubbing some in your palms, bringing it to your nose and breathing deeply will relieve congestion. I also sprinkle some on my pillow at night because I love the smell. Be careful to not get it in your eye because it is so strong that you won’t be able to open your eyes for a minute. Some people are allergic to it and I have heard that it is not good for dogs.

Lavender     I started to have some ringing in my ears so every night I put some behind my ears and I no longer have the ringing. It also helps with sleep so I sprinkle some on my pillow every night. It is also good for helping with burns and inflammation.

Stress away    I know it might be all in my head but after using this oil for a month I felt calmer.

Digest ease     This is for stomach issues. I rub it on my stomach and I usually feel better within an hour.

On guard  This is to help boost your immune system

Tea tree    This helps with skin care.

Breathe     I diffuse this in my classroom and at home. It is to help your respiratory system and the smell is wonderful.

Practice self-care

Take care of yourself. Rest when you can, snuggle with animals, try a new hobby, laugh with fiends over the phone and most of all stay home and stay safe.

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs that can stir up our emotions and disturb our mental peace. When our mental health is out of balance it can cause issues with our physical state. The answer isn’t necessarily a trip to the doctor, but it does include some natural medicine. I would like to propose adding a dose of positivity into your daily routine. It will lift you up, improve your mood, lower your stress, and it doesn’t cost a cent. Here are a few ways to put a little more positivity into your day.

Change negative self-talk

Do you hear yourself using words like “I’m an idiot.” Or “I can’t do anything right.”? We tend to be harder on ourselves more than anyone else might be. What if we extend the grace to ourselves that we offer to others? It helps to realize that the tiny mistakes we make during the day are probably forgotten by others within five minutes even though we might continue to obsess over what we did or said. Change your words to more positive ones and begin to see the humor in some of our less- than- perfect moments. When we become transparent about being less than perfect it takes the pressure off of us and makes others feel more comfortable as well.

Laugh as often as possible

It is hard to stay negative or sad when you are laughing or when you hear laughter. My husband’s ring tone is a child laughing and it is  laughter that is infectious and makes you smile. Funny things are happening around you all the time if you only look for them. Laugh freely and you will feel your mood improve.

Surround yourself with the right people

Spend as much time as possible with people who are positive and with whom you enjoy interacting. Avoid negative, toxic people as much as possible, and when you have to interact with them schedule something uplifting for after the encounter.

Do more of what you love

We tend to do what we have to first because we want to fulfill our responsibilities, but what if once in a while we did what we loved first. When we feel content because we have done something that fills us up we can be more productive with the list of what we have to- dos.

Keep a gratitude journal

Making a list of things for which you are grateful will make you realize the blessings you have. I also have an “It could be worse list.” This is a list of what other people are working through. I can pray for them and realize that I should stop complaining and count my blessings.

Start seeing the blessings in the burdens

It is human nature to complain but sometimes the things we are complaining about are either blessings in disguise or things that are going to teach us a lesson or make us stronger. Change your perspective and ask yourself if what you are complaining about is really that bad.

Greet more people

There is something about saying hello to someone that lifts my spirits. It’s a way to tell someone that they are worth your time to greet. I have a student who always walks with her head down as if she is ashamed and trying to be invisible. She is a champion in swimming and equestrian and absolutely phenomenal so each time I see her I say, “Raise your head!! You are a superstar!” I appreciate the smile she gives me.

Do acts of kindness

Being kind to others feels good and it is addicting. Several years ago, a fellow teacher told us she did not have enough money to give her children Christmas presents. Another teacher and I took our Christmas bonus and filled her cubicle with toys and gift cards. She cried when she saw it and after, my friend and I said how much fun that had been. You can often forget your own troubles when you are helping someone else to solve their own.

Go outside

Being outside and surrounded by nature can be a balm for the soul. Go for a walk and take in the beauty around you, sit on the porch with a good book, or putter in the yard.

Rest

I know this is often difficult to do with the busy lives we lead but getting adequate rest will not only help us to be more productive but will also help improve our mood which affects everything else we do.

If life has beaten you down give yourself a healthy dose of positivity and you will be feeling better in no time.

Ten Thoughts You Should Change

Our thoughts are powerful. When we think of something enough it becomes our reality. When those thoughts are negative, it can cause us to doubt our ability to achieve the happiness that we deserve. It can leave us feeling anxious and depressed because we can convince ourselves that the negativity about ourselves is true. Some thoughts only need to be slightly adjusted while others need to be dumped to the curb with the garbage to lighten our load. We can work at changing the thoughts by shifting our attitudes, but first, we should identify those thoughts and then work consistently to turn them around to address them with a more positive tone. Here are ten negative thoughts you should change on your path for a happier life.

1. I’m a mess and I need to make sure no one sees it.

I think being imperfect and being ok with it makes you more interesting. The conversations with someone who struggles to get things right and can be transparent about it are much more interesting than those with someone who feels like they have it all together. We only need to see our messy approach to life as less of a negative. Most of us are way too hard on ourselves. We need to share more of our struggles and help each other out by comparing those experiences and potential tricks for success. Keep a sense of humor when it comes to life.

I had a situation where my school community was going to have a clear view of my family dynamics. My children are all glorious to me, but they do not fit neatly into a conservative box. They have their own perfectly fine way of expressing themselves, but I knew I might be judged because of it. I decided at that moment that my love for my family was more important than anyone’s opinion and when I expressed that the next day, several other friends mentioned similar issues. We all decided that when we are transparent with each other, it lifts a burden from our shoulders and can help others who might also be struggling. 

• I’m not good enough.

Have you ever been afraid that someone will find you lacking in something you are doing? I am guilty of having the I am not good enough thought all the time. That feeling of being too flawed can cause unnecessary stress and your lack of confidence can affect your performance.

I am always surprised when someone whom I admire tells me about a struggle with self-esteem. There is often a huge difference between the person you think you are and how other people see you, and their vision of you is usually much more favorable.

 The easiest way to combat the thought that you are not good enough is to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of your strengths and your accomplishments. What are you good at doing? Now think about what you know you would like to improve and make a plan to make those changes. Ask for help from people you admire. 

Another trick to fight this common thought is to repeat several positive affirmations about your strengths. Whenever you feel doubt creeping in, list some accomplishments or strengths.

• I can’t do anything right.

I’m not sure where the idea that we need to be good at all things can seem realistic. Iam a horrible cook but I love to make sure that people are not hungry and I believe food is love, so I buy food that others have prepared instead of cooking myself. I love to sing but it is another non-gift. Permit yourself to accept what you are not good at without feeling bad about yourself. Everyone has gifts even if you have not realized them yet. While I have a long list of things I cannot do well, I am good with people. My family jokes that I should have been a spy because random strangers tell me their entire life stories. Focus on what you enjoy doing and ask for help with anything that makes you struggle.

• I don’t fit in.

             Everyone wants to feel they belong to a community and we all need a crew. If our                         

             identity does   not fit our community, it can cause us to feel left out and alienated. We

             need to feel that we belong. I don’t think anyone should change his identity to fit in  

            somewhere. Can you change your community to fit your identity, or can you form a

             community within the community to allow others who don’t fit into a  group together?         

             Revel in your uniqueness and find others who need  to express themselves in their way.

• I’m not smart enough.

When my daughter started her senior year, I noticed she wasn’t involved in the college process like her friends were. She wasn’t filling out applications, and she didn’t want to talk about her options. I told my husband I thought she didn’t think she was smart enough, so I filled out one application and she eventually filled out two. She made her decision and during the summer she said several times that maybe college wasn’t for her and I always told her that was fine, but she needed to tell me what the plan B life plan was. I also told her I was sure she was going to discover that she would be one of the smarter people in the room. I will never forget after she received her second 100 during the first week and she said, “Maybe I am smart enough to go to college.”  

In my humble opinion, common sense is the most important form of intelligence, and if you have that you can work out quite a few of life’s puzzles. Being smart about life will help you a lot more than the ability to reproduce information.              

• No one listens to me.

Do you sometimes feel as if you are invisible in a conversation? I think this sometimes happens when the people around you are more confident and more assertive. One friend said it perfectly when she said some people have strong personalities. Quite a few people like to hear their voice and would rather talk about themselves. Don’t take it personally when someone changes the conversation to speak to someone else. They might think talking about themselves is more interesting. If you want to make a point, don’t give up on expressing yourself.  

• I can’t change my situation.

This thought is grounded in fear. There is a fear of failure and a fear of stepping outside the comfort zone. Nothing amazing is going to happen though if you cower in unhappiness and talk about what you wish you could do. Make a plan of how you are going to do it instead. Of course, that is scary, but what if you succeed?

This thought is also where excuses are born. “I don’t have time, I don’t know how, I’m too big, too small.” The list is endless. I see people who defy the odds all the time. What if that person was you?

• I don’t deserve to be happy.

Everyone deserves to be happy and if you are happy, the people around you are happy. There is nothing you could do that would mean you should not live the best life you can.

• I need to do it all well and have it all together.

This should probably be the number one thought we should change because it can cause enough stress and unhappiness to make you ill. No one is perfect. Some people are very good at painting a perfect picture, but if you look under the surface, you will find quite a bit of imperfection. Be the best you can be, but then give yourself some grace if your crown falls off sometimes. Life is messy and crazy stuff happens. We all need to handle it in the best way we can and realize that having it all together is not a good goal to have. Let’s all strive for being happy instead.     

1. No one cares about me.

Most people have moments at some point where they might feel alienated or alone. Start to think about the communities you are a part of and how active a role you play in those communities. Reach out to a few people and ask how they are. Their replies will make you feel more connected. Volunteer when you can and make a difference in other’s lives. Even when you might feel unloved, you are probably at least one person’s rock.

Many of our negative thoughts are excuses that hold us back from living as well as we could. Excuses are verbal expressions of our fear of failure. We can live a much fuller life if we take the steps outside our comfort zone. We may fall, but if we keep rising back up and keeping our thoughts positive, we will be much happier.