Realize you do not have to solve all your children’s problems.
It is a fine line between helping your child and enabling them. We ultimately want to teach them the life skill of working out problems on their own by using their creativity, and problem-solving skills. If we jump in every time, they struggle a little, they will expect someone to save the day instead of working it out on their own.
You have to take care of yourself to take care of others.
I know the reaction to this is how to find the time for self-care, but you can find time for those things that really matter and your mental and physical health will affect every aspect of your life as well as your ability to be there for your family. Wake up a few minutes early to enjoy some quiet time, sneak away for a bath, or enjoy your favorite food.
Children want fair boundaries and consequences.
Your decisions for discipline and structure will not always be popular, but your children need to know you are in control because it will make them feel safer. Be fair and creative with your boundaries.
Your children want your time more than anything else.
Although I can’t imagine anyone complaining about expensive presents, what children want the most is your time. They want to know they are important enough to you that you want to make time for them.
Guilt is wasted energy.
Parents are always questioning decisions and actions, and feeling guilty about a million things, but it doesn’t solve anything. We will all make mistakes, so learn from them and move on.
Listen to your children.
Put down all the distractions and give your full attention to your children. They need to be heard.
Have some hobbies.
If you are completely invested in your children and nothing else, you will struggle when it comes time for your child to move out. Find some fun hobbies that give you a chance to interact with other adults.
Stay positive and keep a sense of humor.
Most moms can tell you at least one story about a day when everything went horribly wrong. You may not be able to control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. When everything seems to be falling apart, you can choose to laugh or cry, become a mess, or make it a learning moment. It’s more fun to laugh at it, and you will probably retell the story over and over.
Be transparent about the mess.
I used to worry that my colleagues would find out that my family had a lot of issues, and then one day in the workroom I decided to share them. I saw the look of relief on the other people in the room as they shared similar stories from their families.
Give yourself grace.
Parenting is messy and we will make mistakes. It is o.k. to apologize when we are wrong, and accept that we will have to learn as we go.
If you love to write, you probably have some important things to say, and you want to have as many people read your words as possible. The problem is that everyone has so many distractions vying for their attention, so there has to be something about your writing that draws them to what you have written. The fastest way to attract readers is through your title. Here are some title tips to help you craft a winning title.
Use a title that will resonate with everyone. If you enjoy writing self-help or informational essays, let your readers know you are ready to tell them what they need to know. You can see examples of this by looking at any magazine. The titles of articles always include promises for sleeping better, weight loss, and eating better. Follow through on your promises. I hate reading something that has nothing to do with the title. You want to pull your readers in, not deceive them.
Make your title a question. When most people see a question, they want to know what the answer is, and if their answer matches the answer in the writing.
Provide the promise of a story. When a title opens the window to a story, the reader wants to know what happens. Titles such as Emily’s Unfortunate Idea, draw readers in because they have to know what the idea was and how did it affect Emily.
Stir intrigue. The Danger in Danville. What happened in Danville? What is the danger?
Make the title unexpected. A title like The Sweet Death perplexes readers and makes them want to know how could death be sweet.
Use a book generator to help you choose from a variety of titles.
I would like to talk about mental health for moms. I would like to discuss some of the mental health issues that moms face and provide some resources. I am not an expert by any means, but I hope if I share some personal experiences and some research, it will help those who need it. I also want to clarify that I will be talking about the mental challenges that mothers face, but I am not trying to discuss mental illness because you need to see a qualified doctor if you need help in that area.
Most women are unprepared for the mental challenge of a newborn because we tend to focus on the physical challenges. My daughter, Jess had a baby four months ago and she said to me, “Mom, no one ever talks about what it is like. A new mom is supposed to figure it out and be a good mom, but we question our abilities all the time.” Jess has asked me repeatedly if what she is doing is correct. Imagine how difficult that would be to continually question yourself and your ability to take care of your baby.
A study said that postpartum depression affects around 10% of new mothers, but I have a feeling the numbers are greater. The symptoms include extreme sadness, mood swings, a change in appetite, intense anxiety, and thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. Moms at this stage are exhausted and stressed anyway but check with your doctor if you need help. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. It shows that you want to do the best for yourself and your child.
A mom’s mental health continues to take a beating as our child ages. A major issue is never feeling as if we are doing a good enough job. As mothers, we question whether we are spending enough time with our children, are we feeding them well, are we stimulating their minds, when should we start kindergarten, what time should they go to bed, and the questions go on. It also doesn’t help that everyone has an opinion or a judgment about the proper way to do something. Sometimes, it feels as if you cannot win no matter what you do. If you stay home with your child, you might feel guilty that you are not contributing financially. If you work, you might feel guilty that you are not spending as much time with your child. You have to do what works for you and your family and try not to listen to all the extra noise.
Sleep deprivation is a factor in a mom’s mental health. When you are not getting enough sleep, it affects your energy, your focus, your ability to function, and your mood. Handling life as a mom requires creativity, innovation, and energy. If you are always exhausted, your mental health will suffer. The question is when do you have time to rest? It can feel as if you are on a treadmill that never stops. Can your partner watch your children while you take a power nap? Can you make a deal with a friend to watch each other’s children for an hour a day so you can both have time to yourself? When my children were old enough, I would take them to interactive play zones, and while they played, I could take a few minutes to read or relax for a minute. Put your children to bed early so you can have adult time and go to bed early enough to be rested.
Our media can also take a toll on mom’s mental health. When the unrealistic image of the perfect mom who seems to handle a career and children with ease is put in front of us, the comparisons we make between that image and ourselves can be harmful. Life is messy and most days our best attempts at parenthood will not be perfect, but as long as we are acting with love and doing our best, that’s all we can do. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Be the best version of yourself.
Mom’s who work have to have a plan ready for the days that children become ill. Colleagues are not always understanding about you leaving to stay with a sick child, but your children and their well-being come first.
Even though moms face all sorts of mental challenges, we often face these challenges alone, and that feeling of being isolated can also influence mental health. Let me give you some ideas to help you improve your mental health.
Create boundaries
Family means well, but too much advice or comments can be intrusive, so tell them kindly that you appreciate the advice, but you need to do things your way.
At work, be clear about how much time you are willing to work outside of office hours.
Know what you need, what you have time for, and practice saying no to anything that does not add value to you or your family.
Choose advice that works for you
I have already spoken about this in other videos, but you are going to hear some crazy things, and you will often question if what you are doing is the best thing. Parenting is a lot of trying something new and praying it works. What has worked for someone else is not necessarily the right thing for you.
Give yourself grace
Anytime my children did something wrong, I instantly thought I had done something wrong as a parent. I think many moms feel this way, but our children can make bad decisions even if we have done everything correctly. There is no definitive guidebook for everything you encounter as a parent, and you will make mistakes, but that’s o.k.
Trust your instinct
A mom’s instinct is a real thing and you should listen to it. We often instinctively know what the best thing to do is.
Take care of yourself
You should not feel guilty about taking care of yourself because the healthier and happier you are, the happier your children will be.
Find your crew
Find the friend and family who have the same values and parenting styles you do and draw strength from them. Laugh about all the moments when things did not go according to plan.
Notice the positives
See the blessings instead of the burdens. Our children will be grown and moving out before we know it, so enjoy the moments while we can.
What was interesting when I looked for support for moms was that I had to go to a site where moms were trying to help other moms. We need to share our struggles and joys more and insist on more resources being available for one of the most important jobs.
It is hard to find lessons of gratitude when times are tough like they have been the last few years, but sometimes the hard lessons are the most important. I lost my beloved aunt and sister during the pandemic, so I know that gratitude is not the first thing that comes to mind right now, but if we reflect on the last few years, we can see that we have been handed a few lessons that we can choose to ignore or accept. Let me tell you what I am grateful for at this moment because of these lessons. I hope you can nod your head and say “Me too” to at least a few, and I hope this will make you realize we still have a lot to feel grateful for in our lives.
I am grateful for all the people who have stepped up to help those who have lost a job, are hungry, ill, or need assistance in some way. I was so proud of our country when I saw the outpouring of a response to need.
I am grateful that Covid has made me reorganize my priorities. I was spending too much time where it didn’t matter. I now spend more time with God, and my family. I am more present for my family, and I am enjoying the now instead of worrying about what I’m going to do next.
I am grateful for the sense of peace I have because I choose to alter the negative, eliminate the wasted emotion of worry, and focus on the positives. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. I always find calm through nature, exercise, and music.
I am grateful that Covid has focused our attention on health. Healthy bodies and healthy minds are the steps to a happy life. Since Covid, there have been productive discussions about health.
I am grateful that as a nation we are looking at some tough issues. Some of the discussions are ugly, but if we can take out the emotions, maybe we can start to work together and heal some of the division.
I am grateful we are talking about mental health at a time when our mental health is taking a beating.
I am grateful for the doctor who I called about the continued fatigue from Covid who said, “Push yourself to the limit physically. Don’t let this thing win.
I am grateful for the creativity and resilience the pandemic has taught me and others. Many ways of life and work had to be altered. We had to figure out plan B, and if that didn’t work, we tried something else. I am thankful for the people who took the opportunity to do something different as a way to help others while reinventing themselves.
I am grateful for better communication both at work and at home because communication was crucial to our success. At school, I gave my students my number and I had theirs so if anyone was remote and there was a problem, they could communicate it. I also did it because I knew they were scared and I wanted them to feel connected.
Anytime we can improve ourselves and learn, we should be grateful. Gratitude is an attitude, so decide whether you are going to see your life as a burden or a blessing. I hope you choose gratitude.
I distinctly remember agreeing with my husband that we would never have another puppy after our last adventure of surviving through the puppy period. I’m not sure how then, we ended up with a four-month-old border collie who acts like the energizer bunny on steroids. The first few days, I mentioned several times that this might not work out, or if I had the energy to give him what he needed. My husband pointed out that there are many positives to having a puppy, and although I initially gave him a you are crazy look, I realized he was right. Here are a few of the positives that I came up with.
When you have a puppy, you have to wake up early and let him out to go to the bathroom. This gives you more time to be productive, and you can sip on coffee and have quiet time.
My floor has never been cleaner because the puppy will find everything that has been dropped, so I have to make sure everything has been put away. I have to admit that seeing him completely wrapped up in the yarn I was using and then finding the tiny holes he had chewed in my flannel pajamas made me laugh instead of making me angry. After all, it was my fault for leaving them on the floor.
A puppy can improve your patience. It is like having a child and realizing he has to learn the proper behavior. A puppy needs your time, your attention, and lots of patience. I have been taking lots of deep breaths and telling myself that he will learn in time.
Having a puppy helps you to be more creative. I am constantly thinking of ways to stimulate his brain and his curiosity. It also comes in handy with obedience training. I am finding ways to take his attention away from chasing the cats.
I am more active since we found our puppy. He needs to burn off some of his energy, so I take him on walks and play with him in the backyard. I run a few laps with him as well.
Having a puppy improves your focus. When we go outside, I am looking around to see what the puppy might potentially want to chase after, and as I am playing with him, I am continually aware of my surroundings.
A puppy gives you an opportunity to socialize more because everyone wants to interact with a puppy. On a recent walk, we stopped every time a person approached because they wanted to pet the puppy and soak up some cuteness.
While I am trying to make sure the puppy is receiving enough mental stimulation it is also stimulating my brain as I come up with ideas to work with him, teach him tricks, and give him enough exercise.
I will never say that having a puppy is easy, but I think we have laughed more, plotted puppy strategy, and come together as a family.
Is there something about your health and fitness level you would like to change? Are you having difficulty doing it, or are you struggling because you don’t even know where to start, or is the possibility of failure overwhelming? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. So many people realize they need to make a change for a better quality of life, but they do not know how to start or the thought of how much work it will take to achieve a goal overwhelms them.
Everywhere you look there are messages for losing weight and exercising. The actors in the commercials make weight loss and good health look so easy, but what holds so many people back from their fitness goals? Why do some people struggle to lose weight or maintain a consistent workout schedule?
The answer to those questions can vary. Busy lifestyles can leave people exhausted without much extra time for exercise. If someone is overweight or not fit, a major change can seem like an impossible hurdle. People also have different perceptions of a healthy lifestyle, and others do not want to give up their habits to be healthier.
The first step to improving your health is to realize why you should do it. My reason is I want to live as long as possible and be the best version of myself I can be. I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren that I want to see prosper in life. I want to have a great quality of life and to do that I have to take care of myself. Sometimes being healthy is more about your loved ones than it’s about you.
Your health affects everything you do including how well you sleep, your mood, your productivity, and your general quality of life. Find your why. You have to be ready to commit to the journey and realize that success will not happen overnight. Break your main goal into smaller steps. If weight loss is your goal, focus on losing ten pounds first instead of thinking about the total number of pounds. If you want to get in shape, start by running/walking a mile and then build from there. When you feel you are ready, go to your health care provider to ask for advice and get the green light to change your lifestyle.
The next ingredient has to be consistency. Whether it is working out or eating healthy, you have to make it part of your daily life. You cannot do it for two weeks on and four weeks off. It needs to be part of your routine.
Now find inspiration and motivation, something you can turn to when you want to quit. I have a magazine photo of a fit woman with boxing gloves. She looks fierce, strong, and powerful. I use that photo to remind myself that I want to be strong. Set some goals that fit you. It could be to walk two miles or fit into a certain size of clothes. Pick something that matters to you.
Here are several websites to help you to improve your health.
Every author has a slightly different routine and inspiration for writing, and each one has a different answer to the questions about writing, so let me share with you what answers I give.
Why do I write?
I need to write to express all the ideas and feelings that are rumbling around in my head. I know I am supposed to write because I feel so content while I am doing it. It gives me a sense of peace. I also write because although I am very grateful for my many blessings, there have been those rough spots that most people experience. I have learned a lot from all of them, and I can help someone else handle the bumps. There is so much hurt and need out there, I would like to help alleviate it a little.
How do I find inspiration?
Most of my ideas come from what I hear people say or from what I observe. I am fascinated by people, their stories, and their thought process. You will see me staring at someone as I am imagining the life story. I also love to talk to strangers which is something my family hates. They see me get that look in my eye and one of them will say, “Mom, don’t do it.” The reason they say this is because most people want to talk and they need someone to listen, so it takes time.
I also get a lot of my ideas when I am out running. I’m alone, it’s quiet, and I have time to think about a million things. I have a whiteboard inside where I run in and jot things down when I think of them.
I have the opposite of writer’s block. I have so many ideas and not enough time, so when I think of something new, I write it down quickly. If I finish what I have to do, I go back to the list.
What do I write?
I enjoy writing essays the most because it is a quick way to send a message or information. My specialties are essays about education, parenting, self-help, and running. I have written two books, Stay Away from The Girl’s Bathroom (a teacher’s guide), and 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden. (a self-help book) I write for our local media and I contribute to a parenting magazine called Screamin Mamas.
Where I write
I write mostly in my office. I have a huge whiteboard on a podium in front of a window where I can look out at the backyard. I also work at my desk where I am surrounded by photos, notes, and other things that lift me up.
When I write
I like to write when the rest of my family is occupied. I need the quiet to think. I also feel better knowing that everyone is busy doing something, and doesn’t need me. I try to write at least an hour a day.
A friend was telling me about the message delivered in church that said you should always leave a place better than you found it. I like the idea of being a servant leader and doing whatever you can to improve something, but what if that idea extended to include people? Shouldn’t we try to leave someone better than we found them? Here are a few ideas on how to do this.
Give compliments freely.
Compliments are powerful and so easy to give. You can lift someone’s spirits and turn around a bad day. You might be surprised at the effect your compliment has, and how long someone remembers it. Find the good, and let people know you see it.
Be kind.
Kindness is contagious for both the giver and the receiver. When you are kind to someone it can be a game-changer for them, but it also makes you feel better too. Kindness has a domino effect, and it is something that you hope continues from person to person.
Show an interest.
Most people are more interested in themselves than the person with whom they are speaking. Do the following the next time you are having a conversation with someone to show they are special.
Listen fully without interrupting before the person can finish the sentence.
Don’t rush to change the conversation to focus on you.
Ask questions to understand better.
Don’t be distracted by your phone or someone else. Focus on the person in front of you.
Use humor.
There are very few things better than laughter. It lifts you up and makes you feel better. I only have to hear laughter to smile myself. When you use humor, you can turn someone’s focus to something better.
Encourage.
Who doesn’t need a cheerleader, someone to give them support when it seems like no one else does? Help someone find the resources to accomplish a goal or solve a problem.
Be open.
Let other people see your flaws and all your glorious mess so they will feel more comfortable sharing problems and telling you how you can help. Someone can walk away better merely by sharing the issue.
Pray
Prayer can change lives. When you pray with others, you release your problems, and you are no longer alone in your struggle. Knowing others are praying for you makes you feel supported. I have seen prayers do amazing things.
It has been proven that being a part of a community is good for our health and is one of the factors in living longer. Why do you think communities are so good for us? Here are a few reasons.
Being a part of a community can lessen loneliness. We can be surrounded by crowds of people and still feel lonely, but if we are a member of a community there is a sense of belonging and of being a part of the group.
We need human interaction and belonging to a community provides us with a chance to learn from each other and share thoughts and experiences. Laughing with each other and sharing our stories is better than any medicine.
Communities take care of each other. We all have moments when life knocks us down and a community can provide what we need during those times. Knowing someone is there to lift you up can make a huge difference.
Communities give us purpose. Communities require engagement of some kind, so being an active member will keep you busy and give you a sense of purpose.
Interacting with each other can stimulate our brains because we have to think about our responses. Being in a group means that you never know where the conversation is going next, so you have to be ready to respond to anything.
When we spend time together, we can share our relationships with God and tell stories about how God has worked in our lives. The Bible can be discussed and shared. There is a chance to learn new insights from others.
You might be wondering how you can build your community, so here are a few ideas on making connections.
Be open
I love people, and my family knows I will talk with anyone, but because of this I meet some very interesting people and form wonderful connections. You have a choice every day to close yourself off to those around you or to be open to interactions around you. All it takes to be open is to make eye contact and smile. You can serve someone just by listening.
Reach out
I think everyone would agree there is need everywhere and it often shows up where we least expect it. Our friends, co-workers, family, and sometimes random strangers are carrying burdens that we can help with if we take the time to reach out.
I always try to find a little time every day to be quiet, reflect on things, or read. I am now adding something extra to that time. Every day, my goal is to take some time to send an affirmation note to someone who might need it or text to check in to say “I was thinking of you today.” I think reaching out with little acts of kindness can make a difference for someone who needs it. Imagine if a simple act of showing you care could make a significant difference.
You don’t have to have all the answers to reach out to people. A kind word, a smile, an act of kindness can have more of an effect than you can imagine.
Give the gift of food
I have a friend who tells me my love language is food, and it’s true. I love to gift people with food. Food, in moderation, is our fuel, and a life source, but I think it is also an expression of love. Whenever there is a need, whether it is because of illness, birth, loss, or welcoming someone new into the neighborhood, the first thing we think to offer is food. There is comfort in food, and it can lift our mood better than anything. We recently had a treat at our school when a local business came with smoothies for everyone. It was such a simple thing, but everyone walked around with a smile for the rest of the day.
Be transparent
Most of us have worn invisible masks at some point. We want people to think the best of us, we want to appear at our finest, but we are all walking around with our glorious imperfections, whether it is a secret we hope no one ever discovers, a lack of ability, or a little crazy hiding in the family closet. I have a sign near my desk that says, “You have no idea about the burden the person next to you is carrying, be kind always.”
When we are transparent, it causes a chain reaction. My family has a fair amount of crazy in it, and I used to worry about what someone would think about me if I shared my family stories. The first time I was open about what was happening, all the people around me looked relieved and started to tell their own stories. Being transparent can not only release the burden you are carrying, but it can also make others more comfortable. It allows people to feel that they are not alone in their struggles.
There are ready-made communities that you can join. These communities include the church, work, volunteer organizations, gyms, and interest groups.
Our relationships with each other are the crux of everything that we do. Good family relations lead to happier home life, relating to our colleagues makes us more productive in the workplace, and being part of a community where we have good friends, and we also act as good friends have been proven to be a factor of longevity. Relationships are at the base of our ability to function in all aspects of life, and the simple truth is that we need each other.
Jennifer’s writing 