A stroke can wreak havoc on a body affecting your body’s movements, vision, speech, and hearing. When my husband suffered a stroke several years ago, it left him with an occasional stutter. I watch him struggle with a word until his brain releases it. I am very thankful that it is the only remnant from the stroke, but my good friend Raleigh was not so lucky.
When Raleigh had his first stroke five years ago the doctor said the stroke was so bad that it was a miracle Raleigh lived. He said Raleigh’s fit lifestyle saved him. Raleigh’s vision in one eye was impaired, but everything else was fine. The doctors were not sure why he had the stroke. There was one unusual effect of the stroke. Raleigh said from time to time there was beautiful music playing in his head.
Raleigh had a second stroke and this time the doctors determined he had a hole in his heart that needed to be repaired. After the heart operation, I thought Raleigh would be fine, but I didn’t realize how far-reaching the effects of a stroke can be.
We were having breakfast after a race when he mentioned he hadn’t been himself since the stroke. When I asked what he meant he told me he felt like a different person, as if his personality had changed. He wasn’t sure who he was anymore, and he was feeling lost and alone. I had a feeling if he was feeling this way he probably wasn’t the only one, so I did some research. Here is what I found on the stroke foundation’s website.
Having a stroke can affect your emotions and personality. You may not be able to control your emotions. This is called emotional lability. It is very common. Your emotions may be out of context. You can work on controlling your emotions by being aware of what triggers them. Triggers can include fatigue, stress, anxiety, noise, and crowds.
Relaxation and breathing exercises may help. Consider professional help. Consider changes to your routine.
Depression and anxiety are common. Reach out for help if you feel depressed.
You may experience personality changes including not having any motivation, wanting to stay in bed, being irritable, being impulsive, and blurting out things without filtering them.
Reach out to a doctor for help. You can also call 1 800 787 653 for a stroke hotline or e-mail questions to strokeline@strokefoundation.org.au
Do you ever feel slightly off, and tired mentally, physically, and emotionally? It could be from stress, being overwhelmed, or from people interaction. It’s a feeling of needing a break and a chance to recharge. Many people spend a lot of money to have someone untangle their issues, but what if we could find our therapy in other ways? Here are a few ideas to find some calm.
Grow plants
I am not a master gardener, but taking care of my garden brings me instant calm. When I walk through my garden gate I can feel a sense of calm wash over me. Taking care of living things makes you feel good. You can talk to the plants, tell them what weather to expect, and offer words of encouragement. I sing in the garden while I am weeding and harvesting. Plants are fascinating and fun to watch, plus growing your own food helps with the grocery bill too.
Play with animals
Animals will listen to you without arguing or passing judgment. Animals will show you affection and make you feel as if you are the most special person in the world. If you don’t want to commit to owning your own, volunteer at a shelter, or play with a friend’s animals. The laughter a pet can cause will always make you feel better. My dog is a goofball, and he makes me laugh all day.
Listen to music
Make a playlist of your favorite songs. Music is powerful. It can help to recharge you, motivate you, or calm you down.
Reading
A good book can be an escape into a different world. You can forget your troubles and unwind with a fascinating plot.
Writing
Express your feelings by writing them down. You don’t have to share them, but sometimes just releasing your thoughts and feelings helps.
Move
Movement is a way to release anger or stress and find peace. I use running to find calm. If I’m angry or agitated a good run helps me to release the strong emotions.
Seek quiet
The best way to recharge is to find a quiet spot to relax and be quiet.
Sleep
Sleep is a great escape and something we need to come back stronger.
Do you find yourself thinking you should be doing better in different aspects of your life? Do you become overwhelmed trying to decide what you need to do to meet others’ expectations? I used to do that all the time. I never thought I was measuring up to standards, but one day When I said I needed to do better at something my husband said, “As long as you are doing your best that’s enough.”
I do believe in continued growth and lifelong learning, but my husband is right that we are too hard on ourselves, and as long as we are doing the best we can at the moment that is all we can give. My daughter was visiting with my grandson, and she said, “Mom, I know I should be a better parent, but I’m tired.” I told her she is doing a great job because he is well-loved, taken care of, and happy. Parenting is a tough job that doesn’t come with a guidebook since all our children are slightly unique. Do your best to raise good humans and give yourself some grace.
In the workplace, we are constantly compared and judged, so it can help our mental health if we focus on our tasks and do them the best we can instead of worrying about what opinions our colleagues have. Stay positive and lift others up while avoiding the negative and you will contribute to the best a workplace can have.
Our relationships can wreak havoc with our stress levels too. Most people have at least one family member who the rest of the family talks about while trying to understand the behavior. Do your best to love on those you care about and realize that you will not understand why everyone acts the way they do, and it’s not your job to change them.
I hope you will spend more time being content in giving the best you have instead of feeling you are never enough.
We all end up facing challenges during our lives, and although we usually cannot always keep them from happening, we always have choices in how we react to them.
Have you ever noticed that the challenging moments seem to come in waves? This is what happened to me last year. When I was telling a friend everything that happened he looked at me and said, “Did someone curse you?” Let me tell you my story, and what I did about it. I hope my reactions to these challenges will give you some ideas about how you can crush your own challenges.
I had gone with my daughter on a woman’s retreat that she had arranged. There were 15 women in a beautiful house in Santa Rosa who were ready to relax for the weekend. Saturday morning, my daughter and several of the women were going down to the beach for a yoga lesson. I told my daughter I was going for a quick run and then I would meet them to walk down to the beach and while they were doing yoga I would walk the beach. I only had time to run 2 miles, but it was a great run, and I felt very strong even though it was very hot even at 7:30 a.m. I stopped right outside our pool entrance when suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath and I was lightheaded. I sat down and my pulse was racing, but I thought it would pass. I walked inside and told the women I didn’t feel right, but I would come to the beach and sit and I was sure I would feel better. When the yoga class started, and I was sitting to the side I had to lie down and I could feel my chest moving and I was lightheaded. I really thought I was going to die. I started talking to God and begging him not to take me yet.
When the yoga class was done Jess came over and said she was just going to walk in the water for a minute. I said, “Jess, I think I need to go to Urgent Care.” When we arrived they determined I needed to go to the hospital, so I had my first ambulance ride. The doctor diagnosed me with an irregular heartbeat, (AFIB). When he left the room I cried because I saw that diagnosis as a limitation to my running which is one of my greatest passions. He also told me I would probably be on medication for the rest of my life (I hate taking medication). He also told me I was not allowed to do the ultra-marathon that I had been training for the last few months that was scheduled for the following week.
This is where I would like to offer several ways to crush your challenges. #1 Accept your emotions and let yourself have a brief pity party. Denying how you feel only causes issues later. #2 Set a goal to overcome the challenge. My husband and I had already booked a cabin near the ultra, and although I knew it would be difficult I went to pick up my packet. I had already e-mailed the race organizer to let her know what happened. When we arrived, the race director asked me if I wanted to do a few loops. I told her no, but I would see her next year. I made that race my goal, and I dragged my husband with me, so next Saturday he will be doing his first ultra!
I had to take every heart test known to man, but they all came back saying my heart was strong. I ended up with no answers for the AFIB. I tried to not take the medication which I was told I only needed to take as needed, but I had three more episodes, so I now take half of a beta blocker pill each day and I have not had another episode since doing that.
I am nervous every time I do a race especially trail races when there is usually some time when no one else is around me. I have told my husband I am nervous which I normally would not do because he wants to keep me safe in bubble wrap, but he has been incredibly supportive. I carry medication on a belt when I run, and my friends know where to find it. I also monitor my pulse on my running watch. #3 Be transparent about your challenges and don’t be afraid to ask for help. #4 Have a plan and be prepared.
I thought the AFIB was enough to deal with, but then a month later I tore my meniscus and could barely walk let alone run. When the MRI results came back and I told my husband, he turned pale because he knows that running is my lifeline. He wasn’t sure how I would react, but I decided to fight instead of crumple. #5 Adjust your attitude for success and come back stronger. #6 Find the resources you need to accomplish #5. I went to physical therapy for several weeks and then used weight training to strengthen the muscles around my knee. #7 Be patient and accept there will be setbacks. There were times when I was discouraged and I wanted my knee to heal faster, but It helped when friends who had dealt with the same thing told me it took time.
#8 Keep the words of wisdom running in your head. Several doctors had said the same thing to me. “Keep moving. You will improve faster if you keep moving.” My orthopedist gave me permission to do an ultra-shortly after the diagnosis as long as I walked it. He told me, “Keep moving, but don’t make it angry.” I think about that often when I am racing.
#9 Know your limits When I run now, I am constantly evaluating my body. I won’t let my pulse go over a certain number. If it gets too high I walk until it calms down. My knee is 95% healed, but I still listen for any sign of pain.
#10 Adjust your approach. There are so many different ways to reach success at whatever you are doing. If one way doesn’t work, try something different. I have adjusted my training and I am beginning to run stronger. I take one complete rest day, and I run whatever mileage feels comfortable. I also am doing more cross-training and stretching.
I hope my story helps you. Know that even though life throws you some challenges you can fight through them and come back stronger.
I have a feeling most people answered this question immediately with a yes. Most of us lead hectic lives as we fulfill the many responsibilities in life. We want to do our jobs well, we need to create strong relationships with friends and family, and we should find time for self-care.
We are all busy, but are you too busy? Are relationships and your health suffering? Are you unhappy and overwhelmed? Is work interfering with home? If you said yes to these questions then you are too busy. Let me tell you why you should make changes, and then suggest how you can change the chaos.
If you are not taking care of yourself, everything else will suffer. Too much stress will eventually take a toll on your body, and if you are ill, you cannot be there for anyone else.
Your family and friends need you and you need them. When I retired I realized how much my family needed me to be there, but instead, I was working late, on a trip, or exhausted from working too hard. One of the things that still hurts my heart is that I baked so many items for my students that my children would ask, “Is this for us?” before they became excited about what I made. Now, my husband comes out of his office and wants to share what he is doing, and my youngest wants help with her college work. I babysit for my grandson and my daughter calls every day to tell me about her day. I had a chance to go back to work, and when I asked my family if I should, they answered with a fast no.
You miss things when you are moving too fast. When your mind is consumed with all the responsibilities you have to complete you aren’t listening well, and you won’t see some of the critical moments around you.
You aren’t as productive when you are too busy. It’s like a hamster spinning on a wheel. You are moving fast, but you aren’t accomplishing as much as you can.
Here are a few ideas to help you control the chaos.
Make a to-do list and prioritize what you need to do. Do mission-critical first.
Set boundaries. As much as possible leave work at the office and prioritize time for family and friends.
Take care of your health both mental and physical.
Ask for help and learn how to delegate.
Take some time to do something mindless and fun. You need time to recharge.
Slow down a little and see the difference it can make in the quality of your life.
I coached cross-country for many years, and I’m an avid runner myself, so when my friend asked me to help her shave a few minutes off her race time I began to think of the tips I believe in myself and what I told my runners.
Most runners know that taking a few minutes off your race time is not as easy as it sounds, and it usually is a matter of improving by seconds each race, but those seconds add up to minutes and you can shave them off with training efficiency and race efficiency.
Training efficiency involves training in the way that works best for you. I believe that there are always certain components that need to be individualized because not all of the same things work as well for everyone. Here are a few ideas though that seem to work for the majority of runners.
I once asked a man who I knew was a fast runner what his secret for speed was. He said, “I run fast.” Now, although I was looking for a slightly more complex formula what he said held the basic truth that if you want to be fast you have to practice running fast. If you asked me that question I would answer that you need to do a variety of running including speed work, hill running, cross training, and weight training, and you should run a variety of terrains and distances. You also need to have adequate rest and I know that is the most difficult part to achieve for a runner, but you will perform better when you are rested. When you are at a race ask the other runners how they train.
Race efficiency can happen after you have been efficient with your training. It is several different tricks you can use to shave time off your finishing time.
Start towards the front.
Many people move to the back because they believe only the elite runners should be in front, unfortunately, if you move too far back you will be blocked in, and you will lose time at the start. I always start behind the faster runners and then I move to the right so that anyone faster than I am can go by easily.
Use the corners.
When you turn corners, turn them tight. Do not swing wide and head down the middle.
Vary your pace
I know you often hear people say you should keep a steady pace, but I think you need to vary it depending on where you are on the course. If I’m going up a hill I need to shorten my stride, if I’m going downhill I can speed up and allow gravity to help me. A running watch can help you with pace because I also speed up if I want a better time per mile.
Make the hills your friends.
I know this is a hard sell, but the hills are the spots where you are going to leave competitors behind. Hills defeat more people mentally than they do physically. Don’t let that happen to you. There are a few things you can do to keep running up the hill.
Shorten your stride and lean in slightly.
If someone starts walking next to you encourage him to keep running. If he does then you are committed to keep going too because you can’t let down the person you just helped.
Imagine the hill is a challenge you want to overcome and don’t allow it to defeat you. I used to tell my runners to trash-talk the hill. “You will not defeat me today hill. Not today.”
Pick people off.
One of my best runners used to start in the back of the pack every race. She would pass runners one at a time until she was in the front. The best race as a coach was at a course where we could only see the first and last half-mile. As we waited, suddenly around the corner came three of our girls in first, second, and third place, and of course Jenny, who had started in last place was among them. Passing people one at a time will give you something to focus on.
Control the head voices.
I have always thought that running is so much more mental than it is physical. Of course, you have to put in the hard work to train your body, but for some reason, your mind doesn’t want to cooperate with the program, and it takes constant vigilance to make it send the right messages.
Last weekend is a perfect example. There was a group of women my age and they all looked incredibly fit, so being too competitive my thoughts of just running easy and having fun went out the window. It takes me a mile until I start feeling strong, so the voices have a field day in the first mile. Here is what it sounds like in my head, “Ugh. I just started and I want to stop. Why am I doing this? Those ladies are probably right behind me. I need to train more…better. I know there are hills on this course.” The voices change completely when I am in mile two, but I need to do a better job of staying strong mentally from the beginning.
Pause before walking.
There are always those moments when you want to walk, but if your goal is a better time you need to keep going. (There is no shame in walking though.) Before you walk pause your thoughts and say I’m going to run to the next mailbox and then keep changing the marker. If you can do that a few times you probably won’t need to walk.
Race consistently
If I want to improve my times racing consistently helps me.
Have you ever wondered if each of your romantic relationships was preparing you, and shaping you to handle what life would be like? I only was in love with four men, but each of them left a lasting impression on me and taught me something new.
My first love was in eighth grade. He was from Iran and the rumor was that his family had escaped the country with the shah when he was overthrown. I never asked him if it was true because I always assumed it was. He was elegant, exotic, dark, and handsome. I know it sounds like something out of a romance novel, but when he walked into a room he took my breath away. I am very lucky that he did not take advantage of my innocence, or the fact that I was so in love with him.
What I learned in this relationship was not from him, but because of him. My father was driving me to the school, (it was a boarding school), and G was going to spend the day at my house. My father saw a picture of G for the first time, turned to me, and said, “This boy had better not be black!” His reaction scared me for several reasons. I had never known my father was prejudiced because he was kind to everyone. The pure hatred and anger that I saw on his face shocked me, and although I have never understood the logic of judging someone because of the color of his skin, this made me realize how illogical racism is.
When G graduated he headed back to Switzerland and that was the last I saw of him. He never wrote or called me. I was completely ghosted, and my heart was broken. He is fairly famous now with a unique talent and has been on television multiple times. Before he married, he called me and said, “I want to apologize for how I treated you.” It would have been easier to say, “Oh, that’s o.k. It didn’t bother me at all.” But instead, I said, “I was devastated.” He has expressed interest in visiting when he is in my area, but I’m not sure how I feel about that.
My second love was my senior year in high school. He was friends with one of my best friends and we started talking with each other. He was so funny and super serious at the same time. I thought he was very sexy. My first kiss was with him, and I will never forget it. We had gone for a walk after dinner. He gently backed me up against a tree, cupped my face in his hand, and came in for the most sensuous kiss. This boy was dangerous for me because I think I would have done anything he asked. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He was a year behind me and when I graduated I was ghosted again because he wanted to go out with another girl at school. The hurt was even worse this time and it was combined with my crushed self-esteem. I came out of it stronger though, realizing that time heals hurt and there are reasons why certain relationships don’t work.
My third love was the bad boy that most good girls are attracted to. My parents disliked him so much that he was not allowed in our yard. I was accepted into a study abroad program in France which meant I would be gone for a year. He begged me not to go and to marry him before I went. I am so grateful I did not do that. My best friend told me that as I was on my way to the airport he was already at another girl’s house, and they were not playing cards. When I came back from France he threatened me that he would make me pay if I broke up with him, but people around our small town were telling me he was cheating. I decided to end it. My mother was terrified because my cousin was killed by a jealous boyfriend. After I told him we were done I was riding my bike to work on a deserted bike trail. His car had a distinctive sound, and I knew he had seen me enter the trail. There was a break in the trail about a half-mile away where I had to cross the road. I started pedaling hard to cross the road before he got there. Just as I was about to reach the road he pulled his car up and blocked the exit. He jumped out and grabbed my arm. He begged me to stay with him and I told him I would not, and that I needed to go to work. Luckily, he agreed and let me pass. It wasn’t the only time we had a confrontation, but none of them turned dangerous. I learned to listen to my parents after this relationship, and I also learned that bad boys were not for me.
My final love taught me more than any of the others even though the lessons were not always easy. I had been spoiled by my parents, and my husband expected me to be tougher. He has never been warm and fuzzy, but he loves deeply and is fiercely loyal to those he loves. He made me stronger. He taught me that love involves forgiveness and understanding. When he battled alcohol addiction I could have walked away, but I knew he was worth a fight. He has taught me that true love isn’t always sparkles and glitter, but it is so worth it.
My first two loves took my breath away, but my final love makes me feel like I am at home.
Fitness doesn’t have to be drudgery, and if you want to have some fun with your fitness try a 5k race. A 5k is a 3.1-mile race and you can run, walk, or do a combination of both.
Many people are afraid to try racing because they are afraid that only the super fit go to races, but that isn’t true. You will find people at all stages of fitness, and there are quite a few people who will walk the whole race. The point is to show up at the start line because many people don’t make it even that far.
5k races can inspire you whether you are just starting a fitness journey, or you are a veteran. You will see people who have huge challenges, but who refuse to let those challenges define them or hold them back. You can see elite athletes doing extraordinary things and talk to them about their training and motivation. You may leave the 5k more motivated than when you came.
5k races are social events that offer you a chance to join a community and meet new people. The running community is very accepting, and people will wander over to you and start conversations. I met all my best friends at running events. You can make some great connections. Runners make newcomers feel welcome. The stories you hear at races are inspiring and those stories might motivate you to become more excited about your fitness journey.
If you want to find a 5k you can do a Google search for 5ks near me or go to http://www.runusa.com. http://www.active.com is another choice. I live in Georgia, so I use http://www.rungeorgia.com. Race roster is another option. Read the description of the course and decide if you want to do a flat course or one with hills.
Here are a few tips for running a 5K.
· Don’t start too fast.
It is easy to be pulled into the excitement around you and sprint off the line. This will be great for perhaps the first mile, but unless you have been doing some speedwork and endurance training you probably won’t have anything left after mile one.
· Pace yourself.
Go at an easy enough pace that you are not gasping for breath.
· Play head games.
If you become tired instead of stopping tell yourself you will run to the next sign. When you reach that pick another marker. Runners hit walls, but if you can push through you will get a second wind. Pick a person who is slightly faster than you and do your best to stay with that person. (it’s called picking a rabbit) Hills can defeat you mentally more than physically. Keep telling yourself it’s just a hill, shorten your stride, and lean slightly into it.
· Have fun!
Talk to the people around you and take in the scenery.
The words I love you can be powerful, and there can be a myriad of meaning behind them. There is usually so much more behind those words, so what can I love you mean?
It can mean thank you for what you mean to me and for everything you do. I appreciate the person you are and the standards and character you display.
Sometimes we use it to say I’m sorry when we have been less than perfect and we need some forgiveness.
We can use it when we leave family and friends. It is the form of a verbal hug.
I love you can be expressed in other ways besides words, and it comes in many forms.
Love can be shown by supporting someone and letting her know she is not alone.
It can be showing someone that you know him completely, and that you have taken the time to really see him.
Love is acceptance without judging when you let someone know he is beautiful and amazing even if he doesn’t fit into a standard made by society.
Love is listening fully and not being self-consumed. It is realizing there is more than one person in a relationship, and both need to be heard.
Kindness is love. When you are annoyed or hurt by someone, if you can still reach out and be kind you are showing love.
Love involves compromise and sacrifice. Sometimes you have to adjust your needs to support someone else. You can feel love when you are doing good for others.
Jennifer’s writing 