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Your Smile List

We all struggle with mental health in some form and level. If you are struggling with something serious I hope you will reach out for help, and I pray you receive the help you need. I have two issues that I fight consistently. The first is my self-esteem. I can convince myself that I’m not good at anything I do and that I am super sensitive. When our students used to do teacher evaluations if there was one bad one, that was the one I would focus on even if the complaint was outlandish. My second issue is I get stuck in funks sometimes. It’s when you are not motivated to do anything, and you just feel blah. I call it emotional flatlining. No one wants to feel that way, so I come up with tools I can use to be excited about my life again. One of these tools is the smile list.

To make a smile list start thinking about all the things that make you smile. Hopefully, as you are writing the list you are already smiling, but when you start to make the list you will realize all the blessings and positive things you have in your life. Gratitude is a great attitude. I keep the list close by to keep me grateful. Here is my list if you need help with yours.

· Children’s laughter. My husband’s ringtone is a child laughing and you have to smile when you hear it.

· My husband. What a blessing it is to be loved completely and unconditionally by someone. He treats me like a queen.

· My border collie. This dog is a lot. He has non-stop energy and frenetic is the best way to describe him, but he is sweet, loving, smart, and he makes me laugh. When he is excited, (usually for food), he speaks to me with howls.

· My children. I’m not sure how three children from the same mother can be so different, but they are, and I am blessed to have them.

· Movement. There is something about moving your body that elevates your mood and eases your stress. It doesn’t matter whether you walk, run, swim, bike, or dance as long as you get up and move.

· Rainy days. I know many people think rainy days are depressing, but I think they are beautiful. There is a certain peace in the rain.

· Flowers. I love being surrounded by flowers. The colors and the scents lift my mood.

· Good food. I love to eat, so a meal of something I enjoy is always going to make me smile.

· Porch sitting. I enjoy sitting on the porch and listening to the sounds around me. I don’t have to think about anything serious.

· Hammock swinging. I have fallen asleep quite a few times when I climbed into the hammock to swing for a minute.

· Laughter with friends. You cannot stay in a funk very long when you are laughing.

Now it’s your turn. What would you put on your smile list? I hope it ends up being incredibly long.

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The Problem with Normal

Have you noticed that the word normal sometimes has negative connotations? Many see it as a comforting word like when someone who has gone through a tough time says, “I cannot wait for things to go back to normal.” What is the real meaning of normal? The definition says that normal means conforming to a standard, usual, typical, or expected. Normal implies a lack of deviation from what has been discovered or established as usual or expected.

Problems begin when we try to fit people or things into a limited box like that. Childhood milestones are a good example. There is a list of guideposts for what children should be able to do at what age. Parents don’t always see these as the rough guidelines they are, and they worry that their children aren’t normal because they haven’t met a milestone yet. When talking to parents who have older children, you can learn that children are all different and will probably meet those milestones at their speed.

The next problem is when a society defines what normal is, but as an individual, you don’t fit into that category. You aren’t part of the norm, and you are labeled as different or strange. We have enough problems with self-esteem without always being reminded that we aren’t meeting expectations.

Trying to be normal can stifle our creativity. If we are always afraid of stepping out of the bounds of what is expected as the norm, we might not improve our sensibilities. Stepping out of our comfort zone can help us grow.

So many people try to maintain a mask of being someone they are not because they are afraid if they show who they are, others won’t accept them. Think of all the famous people we admire who made a mark on history because they decided to be their version of normal. Now decide if you want to fit into the normal box, or do you want to be authentic and possibly much more interesting. The choice is yours.

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Maintaining Motivation

Even when you are passionate about something, there are going to be highs and lows in your motivation. We all have days when we feel overwhelmed instead of uplifted, but there are some tricks to stay motivated even when we feel like we have been knocked down or taken a step back. Here are a few ideas to help you move forward.

Celebrate what you have done

It is easy to be overwhelmed by a large task, but instead of feeling defeated by what is left to do, look at what you have done. I had written 19,000 words of a novel and I sent it out to publishers. A publisher was interested if I could expand it to the standard 50,000 words. I wanted the story to be told, but it seemed out of reach until I started to work on it. I quickly realized that expanding the story was making it better. When I added 6,000 words, I had another moment when I questioned if I could make it to 50,000. I decided to focus on what I had done instead of what I hadn’t accomplished yet.

Do a refresh

Changing something can make a huge difference in motivation. Revamp your fitness routine, try a new daily routine, change your diet, or commit to something new. We all fall into comfortable ruts, and changing things up will motivate you and improve your mood.

Reevaluate goals

You may have made some goals, but as life changes you may need to rethink some of them. What goals will help you be happy and successful? What goals will help you mentally and physically?

Use pictures

Vision boards have been proven to help with goals. Find some pictures that align with what you would like to achieve. I would like to improve my muscle definition, so one of the pictures I use is a strong woman lifting heavy weights.

Believe you can

Believing you can do something is the first step to success. Sending out positive energy is powerful. Be your best cheerleader.

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Natural Cold Remedies

My two-year-old grandson is a walking petri dish of germs, and last week he managed to infect the entire family with a cold. It was interesting to see the different intensity of the symptoms based on how each family member dealt with the cold. My husband wanted to soldier on without taking any medicine, so he had the worst symptoms. I had the least symptoms, and I think it was because after teaching for 40 years and having three children of my own I have built up a tool bag of remedies. Here are a few that work for me.

Honey

Honey has antioxidants and antimicrobial properties to fight the cold, and it can also soothe a scratchy throat. It can also boost your immune system.

Peppermint oil

When I was teaching I would always have a bottle of peppermint oil on my desk. My students called it the magic oil because a little drop on the forehead solved quite a few headaches. Be careful though because some people are allergic to it, and keep it away from small children and dogs.

If you are congested, drop some oil in your palm, rub your hands together, and breathe in deeply. It’s a great decongestant. Wash your hands though before touching your eyes. (I’m speaking from experience, unfortunately!)

I also sprinkle peppermint oil on my pillow at night to help with congestion.

Breathe oil

This is another essential oil that is great to diffuse all the time. I used it in my classroom because students are always getting ill and breathe helps prevent respiratory illness. I diffuse it in my office when I’m working. It also smells amazing.

Oregano pills

I was at a local fair talking to a woman who had a health and wellness business. She told me that anytime I felt like I was becoming ill I should take Oregano and that would cure anything. It comes in both oil and pill form. I have both, but I only use the oil when I feel awful because the smell is strong.

Tea

There are so many great healing teas. I use Green and Tumeric the most, and for an upset stomach, I use ginger. There are antioxidants in tea and the warmth feels great on a scratchy throat.

Vaseline

When you have a cold your lips get dry and cracked, and your nose takes a beating from all the blowing. Vaseline is a great healer to put on both spots.

Vicks vapor rub

This was my mom’s go-to remedy. I remember having it slathered on my chest with a cloth over it, or a towel over my head over the vapor rub steam. I have stepped it down to rubbing some on my throat.

Chicken soup

The tried and true remedy! First, something is comforting about soup, and the warmth on your throat feels amazing.

I hope these natural remedies will help kick your cold to the curb.

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What Do The Voices in Your Head Say?

We don’t always realize that something we say resonates with people, and sticks with them, jumping back in their mind they need it. Can you think of something that someone has said to you that you say over in your mind in certain situations?

I believe in positivity and what can happen when you send out positive energy. Some people call it manifesting, but no matter what you call it, it means that if you believe it then it can become real. I have seen it happen too many times to not think I should at least continue to give it a try.

One of the examples of using positive energy is when we pull into a packed restaurant parking lot. I immediately say, “We are going to get seated right away.”  When I first started doing this my family would laugh at me, until unusual things would happen where even though people were waiting there was a spot for us. Now, they all say it before I can. My friend Raleigh was the same way, but last week he told me, “Jen, every time we pull into a busy restaurant I hear your voice, and I say Raleigh don’t send out the negative energy, do the positive thing Jen does, and darn it Jen, it works!”

The voice we hear could be advice someone has given us. I had this happen in two different incidents recently. The first was at a race. I tend to start out too fast, and then at mile two, I’m dying. My friend said, “Go slow and steady, and save something for the end.” The whole race I used that as my mantra. I kept saying, “Slow and steady.” I had an amazing race and even cut a minute off my finishing time.

The second incident was in the dentist’s chair. I have had the same dental hygienist for years, and she knows me well. I had a lot on my mind when I came in, and she said, “I’ve been praying for you. I also have a message for you. Be still.” That was a gut punch because I do not do stillness well and I need to spend more time in quiet. I walked around the rest of the week telling myself to be still.

I love hearing that something I wrote helped someone. A friend of mine loves to run distance, but she was always signing up for the shorter distance runs. I realized she didn’t think she could do the longer runs, but I knew she could. One day, she sent me a picture with an excerpt from my book that says, “Believe you can” She sent it as she was training for her first marathon.

Sometimes the voices are negative. Those are the ones that you can’t allow to stay. Replace those with positives and see the difference it makes.

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Marathon Mistakes to Avoid

Most of the things I have learned, especially in running, are because of mistakes I have made. My first marathon was The Atlanta Marathon on Thanksgiving. I thought I had trained correctly. I was running at least 45 miles a week, and every week I was running a long run of 16–20 miles to prepare myself for the marathon distance. Unfortunately, there were a few factors I left out of my preparation. I consider my first marathon a success because I felt strong most of the time, but there were a few things that could have helped me. Here are a few mistakes to avoid.

Going at the wrong pace

Before the marathon, I was running mostly 5 and 10 ks. When you do that you become accustomed to a certain pace. During my first marathon, I ran the first half as I would a slightly slower 5k. Each aid station had your projected finish time at that moment. At the halfway point I was projected to finish right under four hours. Unfortunately, I didn’t have as much gas for the second half, so I finished in 4:30. I had no idea what my ideal pace would be for that distance because when I was doing my long runs in training I would stop for a quick break. I think if I had run longer without stopping I might have had a better feel for my pace.

I suggest doing half-marathons as training runs because even though it is half the distance you will have more of a race feel.

The wrong fuel

My marathon was in my early days of distance running, but I should have known more about fueling. I didn’t know what an electrolyte was, and I had no idea what to eat or how often. The only thing I had in my belt was a Snickers bar, and I never ate it. I remember at mile 22, I was walking up a hill and I said to a volunteer, “I’m so hungry!” She asked if I wanted to leave the course. Um, at mile 22? My right leg might be broken, but if I’m at mile 22, I am going to finish.

My stomach does not do well with Gatorade and Powerade, (I found out the hard way at an ultra-marathon.) I also do not like gels, so through the races I have found an electrolyte that works for me called Hoist, and I eat energy gummies and waffles, as well as the classic peanut butter and jelly.

The wrong gear

There is running gear for any weather or terrain, but you have to know what to be prepared for. One of my most disappointing ultra-marathons was last year. I was so excited for this eleven-hour race, and usually I prepare like a fanatic, but I had been busy with some other things which distracted me. The day of the race, we had monsoon rains, and thunder and lightning. I have all kinds of waterproof gear, but I didn’t check the weather, so within minutes I was soaked, cold, and miserable. The trails were puddles. I am doing it again in three weeks, and I guarantee you I am ready this time.

Remember the rule you always hear that you should not wear something for the first time on race morning.

Making it about someone else

As I have reached my golden years, I am more concerned about how I can improve than comparing myself to how someone else is doing. There will always be someone faster and slower. Enjoy the joy of meeting your goals.

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What Happens When I Go to Walmart

The other day, my husband said he wanted to go pick up a few things at Walmart. You might think there is nothing out of the ordinary with that, but a trip to Walmart causes me all sorts of trouble.

As a writer, I have to be a good observer and listener. When I go to Walmart I have sensory overload. While my husband is picking out soup and chips, here is what I am doing.

A woman with three children is trying to grocery shop while herding her children who have more energy than you would think possible. She looks stressed beyond belief. I am staring at her while I imagine the story of her life. My husband is asking what we should make for dinner, and I am compiling a mental story of what I am watching.

As we move on to the cereal aisle I see a woman in one of the motorized carts. She is moving slowly through the aisle, only able to reach items that are at eye level. What has put her in that cart? Does she have an injury, or has life worn her down so she is so tired she needs to sit? I am so lost in thought sending her hope for healing in whatever form she needs that I don’t realize my husband has called my name several times. “Oh, sorry.”, I say. He wants to know which cereal I want, so I slide by the woman and the cart and reach up for my choice.

We go over to the personal care section next and see a long line at the pharmacy. It hits me how many people are struggling with their health. I look up from my musings and realize I don’t know where my husband is. I can only imagine what I will see and hear if I am allowed to wander the aisles by myself.

Before I can begin inventing more life stories for the people I see, or send out blessings, my husband pops out from the shampoo aisle and says he is ready to go. You would think that would be the end of my overactive imagination, but the checkout lane is where the best people-watching occurs. I am definitely going to need a rest after all this stimulation.

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The Different Vibes of Paris

I am blessed that I have been able to visit many major cities, but Paris fascinates me the most. It isn’t because I lived there, or that I taught French for 40 years and took 19 student group trips there. It’s because each neighborhood has its vibe. I can only speak for the vibe that I attach to each neighborhood since I’m sure others might see things differently.

Paris is divided into 20 areas called arrondissements. Instead of describing some of them by their number, I will mention the attractions in each one which add to the vibe.

My favorite area of Paris is the Latin Quarter. It gets its name from being the student area where only Latin was spoken in the past. You can find La Sorbonne, The Pantheon, Notre Dame, The Luxembourg Gardens, and many more great sites. There is a youthful energy in this area, but it has a calmer vibe than some of the more touristy areas. Shopping is less expensive, there are parks to stroll through, and there are pedestrian streets full of cafés and food vendors. There are also bookstores everywhere. When I am in this area I always feel relaxed. If you want to step away from the city head into the Luxembourg Garden where there is a pond to sailboats, pony rides, a café, tennis courts, pétanque courts, beehives, and a vineyard.

About 20 minutes away is another great garden called Le Jardin de Plantes. I would advise you to find a map because it is huge. There is a zoo, a National History Museum, and many other things to see.

There are areas where life is moving at a more hectic pace like at the Louvre and the Champs-Élysée. If you don’t mind being surrounded by crowds they are places you need to visit at least once. If you want a quieter museum try the Orsay Museum. It never feels crowded because there are all sorts of nooks and crannies.

Head over to Le Marais where the vibe will be chic. Check the prices at cafés because this is a more expensive area.

Everyone wants to visit the Eiffel Tower, and in my opinion, this is one of the most crowded, stressful areas of Paris. What I always think is cool though is no matter where you are and how busy it is you can duck down a side street and quiet reigns.

Another busy area with an artsy vibe is Montmartre. La Place de Tertre is full of artists, and cafés are reasonable. It’s where Hemingway and many other authors frequented. Sacré Coeur is beautiful, and in my opinion, you can buy the best crepes at the crepe stand in Montmartre.

I hope you have a chance to visit Paris and discover the different feels of Paris for yourself.

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They Are Watching

Most of us would say there isn’t any reason for others to pay attention to us, but in all areas of our lives, people notice what we do and say. You can be a role model who inspires people or the weaker link that people try not to emulate. Either way, they are watching you all the time. Let me give you a few examples.

When I had children I learned quickly that parenting was a huge responsibility. I was suddenly responsible for the safety and protection of a small human. It was up to me and the community that surrounded us to raise a good person.

I had no idea it would also make me a better person as well. One of the reasons that happens is because your children are always watching you and learning from you. They are taking notes from the way you react to things, and you will be surprised to see it become a domino effect.

When my two oldest were 13 and 16 and the youngest was 3 we had one of those stressful disasters when so many things go wrong you find yourself saying, “You have got to be kidding!”

My husband was away on business, and I was about to start a day when I wouldn’t even have time for lunch. Our morning routine always had to be timed perfectly. First I got my three-year-old ready, then I would wake up the teenagers, take the toddler to daycare, and come pick up the others and take them to school with me.

On this day I had the toddler all set to go, but as I went upstairs to wake the teens I heard my daughter’s door open, and she screamed. Now, since this never meant something good I hurried up the stairs with a toddler close behind me. As I reached the top of the stairs I saw that the dog had pooped everywhere and thrown up behind my son’s door. My teenagers were watching me for my reaction, but all I could think to say was, “I don’t know when I will have time to clean this. I turned, picked up the toddler, and headed off to daycare. When I came back I was shocked to see that they had cleaned up everything. They told me that they were impressed that I had stayed calm.

They are also watching how you treat others. My daughter and I went to McDonald’s for breakfast. We had paid and were standing at the counter waiting for our food when I noticed an older couple struggling to find money to pay for their breakfast. I stepped over and slid my debit card through the machine. The man said, “Oh, thank you!” I replied, “It is my pleasure. Enjoy your breakfast!” He approached our table later and said, “Thank you for doing that. My wife has been sick, and this was the first day she felt like eating.” He gave both of us blessing stones and told us he gave them to people to talk about Jesus. We both carry them in our purses, and I have watched my daughter do many acts of kindness since then.

You can create a domino effect with strangers by your actions. Hold the door for someone and watch that person hold the door for the next person. Buy someone a coffee and see the realization that an act of kindness is something we all need to do.

Everyone is watching you including your colleagues, your partner, and your friends, so do your best to give them a good standard to live up to.

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Boosting Your Mental Health

We all have days when we are stuck in a funk. There might not be any reason for it, or we might be dealing with some heavy things, but either way, there are some positive, healthy ways to soothe our mental state. Here are a few.

Acknowledge your feelings.

I have had several moments in my life when emotions overwhelmed me and I felt as if it would be too hard to feel everything at once, so I pushed the emotions back. It would have been healthier to release the emotions and deal with them because denying them only caused stress and anxiety.

Seek out support

Don’t be ashamed when you are struggling. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Feeling supported by friends and family or your community can make a huge difference. If you need outside help many organizations can offer support. You are not alone.

Laugh

You cannot stay sad for long when you are laughing. Do something fun with friends, or go online and watch funny videos. Laughter can lift your mood in no time.

Move

Movement is a great way to clear your mind and relieve stress. I do my best problem-solving when I’m running.

Sleep

When I was a teacher I saw how powerful adequate sleep was as well as how harmful sleep deprivation could be. Sometimes the best remedy for feeling down is resting.

Food

Food is love and fuel. A good meal can lift your mood. Cooking is soothing, and all those great smells will bring your family into the kitchen with you.

Self-care

Doing small things to improve yourself will make you feel better about yourself. When you feel good you will be more motivated and productive.

Music

Music has healing powers. You can find the right song if you need to unwind and chill or shake your booty.

Go outside

Nature is restorative. Walking around and soaking up what is around you can calm your mood.

Find what works for you, but be intentional about keeping your mental health strong.