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When a Pet Chooses You

Most pet owners do their best to pick the right pet for them. They might visit shelters, talk to rescue organizations, or go through a breeder, but have you ever had a pet that picked you?

I have only had it happen once and it was a cat that we named Shadow. He was top three on the best pet list. Let me tell you how he became part of our family.

I was working at a boarding school that provided free housing for faculty. I had recently had my third child and we needed a slightly larger house, so we were moving into a beautiful house near the horse stables with a gorgeous view of the mountains. It was a rainy day when I looked out and saw a black kitten huddled on the ground in our driveway. My husband is not an animal lover, so he told us to leave it alone, but the cat refused to leave it had decided we were its family.

Even when we let the dogs out to go to the bathroom Shadow wasn’t scared. He stayed where he was as if he was waiting for us to figure out we belonged together. I finally said to my husband, “He’s not leaving, so I am going to bring him in and feed him.” I was slightly surprised that he agreed, but I think he realized that we were meant to be together.

Shadow taught me life lessons. When I was stressed and feeling overwhelmed, I would see Shadow taking his tenth nap of the day, or lying peacefully while he surveyed the situation. He was loving, easy to take care of, a blessing, and we belonged to him.

I wondered if we would ever have an experience like that again, and I think it is happening. Our neighbors behind us take in rescue dogs and one of them comes to our fence whenever he sees me in the yard. He whines until I come to talk to him. I have an odd sensation that he is supposed to be mine, but I cannot imagine my husband saying yes because he is huge! I have named him Jonah, and who knows what will happen!  

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Life With a Border Collie

Before my Border Collie Bandit entered my life, I knew nothing about this breed. I have never had a dog like this, and to describe my experience would be to say that there have been days when I wondered if I was the right human for him. There are other days when I need to take a break before I lose my mind but through it all I am honored to be his owner.

Bandit became mine shortly after I retired. I was dreaming of sleeping late, reading quietly on the couch, and taking naps in the hammock. After 40 years of teaching, I was tired and I was ready to rest, but then there was Bandit.

Our neighbor is a dog trainer, and she is the one who brought Bandit to me. She took him from a couple who had purchased him as an emotional support dog, but he had too much energy for them. I asked if my husband and I could see him when she came back. Lynn opened the crate, and four-month-old Bandit came running into my arms, and I lost my heart.

During the first few days, I realized how much attention he needed. I wasn’t sure if I was a good enough owner for him. At the time, I wasn’t sure what he needed. My friend Lynn helped me by giving him some basic training. She also gave me more than one pep talk. She told me to talk to him. This breed is smart and sometimes I think Bandit’s vocabulary equals mine. I also tell him what I’m about to do to allow him to adjust if he needs to. He doesn’t like the vacuum cleaner, so I tell him before I start so he can run to his safe place. We use a crate at night, but his safe place is the sofa in my office. My husband is not an avid animal lover like I am, so it surprised me when he told me to keep him. Bandit tore up two pairs of my Nike running leggings, and my comfy pants, so my husband said, “Let’s go shopping. You probably needed some new leggings anyway.”

I would be lying if I said taking care of him was easy. I have to take him out and let him run every few hours. If I am not interacting with him for too long he will appear, put his head in my lap, and look at me with sad eyes. His obsession with tennis balls is maddening. It’s a little like water torture when he has brought you a ball to throw for an hour straight.

I’m sure not all Border Collies are the same, but mine is high-energy. I describe him as frenetic. My husband was taking him out in the morning and expecting him to go to the bathroom and come back inside. I explained to him that he has to run off his crazy. I let him speed into our back yard and then we play Frisbie for a while with the Frisbie du jour because there is always only one Frisbie that he wants to play with, and it might not be the same one from day to day.

He needs to have jobs like bringing in the paper or helping me take out the trash, and I have purchased several interactive toys to keep him engaged.

He wants to please so badly, but sometimes he can’t control himself when he catches sight of a squirrel that he wants to chase. He does not like raised voices, (he crumbles), so I reprimand him gently as I would a child, and it all goes out the window when the next squirrel appears.

Bandit was born a week after my grandson, so he will turn three in June. They are best buddies and Bandit has always been so careful around him and he is so excited when he sees his car coming in the driveway.

This beautiful, crazy dog has kept me active and creative. I will continue to do my best to care for him and give him what he needs, but I do think I am going to hide the tennis balls.

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What Superpower Do You Want?

Have you ever thought about which superpower you would want? There are a few that come with pros and cons, so you have to evaluate them before you choose. Here are a few examples.

The ability to fly. Most children would love to be able to fly. I remember jumping off the picnic table hoping I would take air, but gravity won every time. Now that I’m older my fear of heights keeps this superpower off my list.

Invisibility. This would come in handy if you wanted to hear what people were saying about you, but some people can be harsh enough with what they say in front of you. I can’t imagine how hateful they can be when they think you can’t hear them.

Time travel. I think this one would be cool but be careful what time you choose because even though there are attractive things about certain ages, there is also a lot of potential death.

The power to read thoughts. You could finally be sure someone was lying or being honest, but are you ready if the thoughts are hurtful?

The ability to heal. I would like this superpower but imagine how busy you would be.

The chance to soothe. This would be mine. I would like to walk by people who are fighting, or struggling emotionally wave my hand, and solve the situation.

Even though all of these superpowers have drawbacks, we already have some qualities that can be considered superpowers of mere mortals. Here are a few.

Making someone feel special.

Showing love with the gift of food.

Helping your community.

Volunteering.

Listening to lonely people.

Doing acts of kindness.

So what superpower are you going to use to save the world?

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10 Reasons Not to Give Up

Life can throw us curve balls when we least expect it and have you ever noticed that those curveballs seem to come in multiples? No matter what the challenge is, when you feel as if you are defeated, and your energy and spirit are low, don’t give up. Here are ten reasons why.

Something wonderful might be about to happen.

I have a sign on my desk that says always believe something wonderful is about to happen. Imagine if you have had a disappointment or heartbreak in your life, and you allow it to paralyze you. What if you had held on and persevered until something amazing happened to you? I believe in positive energy and that we can make good things come our way by believing it is possible. We certainly don’t have anything to lose by practicing that thinking.

Adversity makes you stronger.

Every failure I have experienced and all the rough moments have taught me important lessons and made me stronger. It isn’t fun to fail or go through tough times, but it can teach you important lessons about life and give you grit and resilience.

You have more power than you think.

We cannot always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how to react. The fact that you have choices on how you approach a situation gives you power.

Someone needs you.

You might not think this is true, but at least one person needs your help. It could be someone who needs to hear your message, needs your support, or needs someone who cares enough to listen. You never know when a simple act of kindness, or a positive word can impact someone.

There are resources to help you.

No matter what you are going through there is help out there. Don’t hesitate to reach out for it.

An attitude change might make a difference.

If you listen to your self-talk is it all doom and gloom? Turn the negatives into positives and see what happens.

There is always a plan b.

You need to know how to pivot and approach a problem differently when you deal with life’s ups and downs. When something goes wrong find another way to make it right.

Your perception can be adjusted.

How we look at a situation can change things dramatically and I don’t mean being positive instead of negative. I am blessed with a husband who is my voice of reason. I will be upset about a situation, and he gives me a whole different perception of what is going on that always leaves me saying, “Why didn’t I see that?” Ask yourself if you could see what is going on from a different angle or ask for someone else’s perception.

You have a gift/purpose.

You might not realize it, but you have a gift that this world needs. It might be your infectious laugh, sarcasm, brilliant smile, work ethic, kindness, or a million other things, but I guarantee you have value and are important.

Life is like a roller coaster.

There are highs and lows, bumps, and smooth spots in life. You need to hold out to make it to the sweet spots. If life were always easy we wouldn’t have any interesting stories to tell.

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Kitchen Questions about World Topics

I was in the kitchen with my husband having our morning coffee when the news covered the protests on college campuses. They were interviewing Jewish students who had been harassed.

My husband asked, “Why is there so much hatred toward Jews?”

That prompted a whole list of other questions. Since I think it’s important for us to reflect and discuss topics that matter, and discuss them respectfully, here is a list of questions we were asking in our kitchen. How would you answer these questions and what questions do you have?

What happened to freedom of speech and religion?

Why do we think fighting hate with hate is a good idea?

Why don’t we have a better choice for president?

What is a good response to the brutality that Hamas committed without committing brutality ourselves?

How is the average American getting by with all the high prices?

Do the protesting college students realize there are instigators among them who only care about instigating, not the cause?

Will our children be able to buy a house?

What is wrong with our school system?

Why do we turn to drugs so often for health issues when the side effects are worse than the issue?

Is our food killing us?

Do we need to start prepping?

Why isn’t there a cure for cancer yet?

What can we do to improve our mental health system?

Why are women dying in childbirth in this day and age?

How can we serve our elderly better, and give them the respect they deserve?

Why is there so much gun violence and what is the solution?

These are a few questions I have been pondering. I can’t wait to hear your answers.

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Being Open to Messages Sent to Us

I have been retired for four years, but I am still moving at a frenetic pace. I run every day, tutor, babysit my grandson, and write. My husband said to me, “You know you’re not acting retired right? Well, the other day my battery went out and I was an exhausted mess. That’s when I received three different messages.

The first was from my daughter who saw how tired I was and said, “Mommy, you have to pay more attention to where you are putting your energy, and you have to rest to guard that energy.” Of course, she is right, but resting for me is difficult. When I sit down I don’t feel like I am being productive, and that’s the work ethic my father drilled into me. I can hear him saying, “There is always something more you can do.” That might be true, but being still is important too.

That was my second message. I was at the dentist talking to my dental hygienist who has been my friend for years. She saw how tired I was, and she said, “Jennifer, he (God) wants you to be still.

The next message was something shared on social media. It was called the Let Them Theory. It said if someone judges you, let them if they spread hatefulness about you, let them. It continued like that making a point that reacting to things like this is a waste of time. Asking questions like, “Why are they saying that?”, or “Why don’t they like me?” are questions to nowhere. Let people have their issues, you have better things to do.

The final message was from the song, Let It Be. My thoughts and emotions have been a tangled mess lately. I have a lot going on, I’m trying to make sense of the chaos in the world as well as manage chaos in my own family. I was out running trying to sort everything out when the lyrics from Let It Be started playing in my head. “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, singing words of wisdom, Let it Be.” Understand me. I’m not trying to say we should all not react to all the crazy going on, but there is something to be said for believing it will be alright and being at peace. What are some messages you have received?

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Trail Connections

I always joke with my friends that I have a love-hate relationship with trail running. I love the beauty of the trails, but I barely pick my feet up when I run, so my feet get caught up in stones and roots a lot. I have fallen so many times that my friends ask me if I brought the med kit when they hear I am doing a trail race.

At least for me, trail racing is different than road racing. I take it a little slower on the trails which means it is easier for me to talk to the runners around me. I love the connections that I make on the trail. I always say that trail runners have the best stories.

One of my most memorable races as far as connections was a rugged half-marathon trail race. It was the hardest half-marathon I have ever done, but it was also one of the most fun because of the people I met.

It was crazy hot the day of the race, so I had already decided to take it nice and slow. Luckily, I ended up behind a group of eight women who were running the race together. Their pace was perfect for me, and they had music playing quietly. After a mile, I asked them if they would adopt me into their pack and I became known as our new friend Jen. At the first aid station, we all stopped, and when the group was ready one lady said, “New friend Jen, are you ready?” I loved running with them for the first 8 miles, but then they wanted to stop for photos, and I said I was going to keep going.

One young lady, Michelle, asked if she could run with me. Not only did we run together, but we talked about everything under the sun. She told me she was working with physics, she told me about her boyfriend, and she recommended an amazing book called Daughters of Distance. We talked about how our favorite animal is the elephant, and we shared our hopes for the future. I fell almost at the end, and I was pretty ugly. Michelle was concerned, but I said, “No worries! It happens all the time. Her boyfriend met us at the end with two massive, cold bottles of Gatorade. He gave one to me and instantly became one of my favorite people.

Fast forward about five years. I was nearing the end of a trail race when a young lady came up next to me and said, “Jen, do you remember me? The half?” We had a great talk and her former boyfriend, now husband was at the end. He said, “Do you remember me?” “Um, of course! Mr. Gatorade!” I hope we keep seeing each other at races.

Ultra-marathons offer many chances for connections. When you are out there on the trail for 12-plus hours, you have time to chat. Here are some of the characters I have met, Carl Line who is a professional clown, and who stayed with me at night and held the light when I had stopped eating on my way to 50 miles and I hit the wall harder than ever. If it wasn’t for Carl I would have left my chair and the rest of my gear right where it was when it was time to leave because I didn’t feel like I had an ounce of energy left. Trail races are full of encouragers. Then there was the man that I introduced myself to after running with him for 12 hours. He is the runner who made me think I need an ultra-name because he introduced himself as Cornbread. At my last race, I met Bryan who said he started running because the dental assistant had called him fat. We discussed the crazy things that people say, and how he took a negative and made a positive by turning his health around. There is so much inspiration on the trail.

There are also those moments when you become the encourager and it can be at a crucial moment of someone’s life. I was talking to a young lady before the race, and we stayed together for most of the race, I ran her into the finish helping her beat a woman in her age group. She came up to me after and told me she needed my encouragement because she had been in a bad spot mentally. You never know when your encouragement is going to make a difference.

As always, I think runners know that a race and running in general is often about more than just running.

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Are Drugs Helping or Hurting Us?

Have you ever watched a movie that had a scenario that you thought would never happen, but then you see reality in the fiction? The movie Wall-E is like that for me. Are we becoming like the people in the movie who float on lounge chairs, staring at screens, and have no desire to do anything else?

I worry that we are becoming a nation that wants to take a pill for everything instead of choosing a healthier option if there is one. It seems like every other ad on television is about a drug that can solve any issue, the only problem is that the side effects from the drugs might be worse than what you are trying to cure. I would think when you hear the words possible death you would be deterred from buying that drug, but apparently not.

When I had some heart rhythm irregularities all the tests came back saying my heart was fine. I wanted some answers to the problem, but instead, my doctor prescribed me medication. During the testing, two different nurses tried to tell me that our health system wasn’t always trying to keep us healthy.

When I hurt my knee I asked my orthopedist questions about what activities I could do, and after a few minutes he sounded exasperated when he asked me, “Do you want me to prescribe you something?” I told him I only wanted his opinion, but from his reaction, I’m guessing many people ask for drugs of some kind.

When we were in Paris, there was a demonstration near our hotel. I started to talk with one of the women, and she said they were protesting the fact that the government wanted to keep us sick because illness and the need for drugs are profitable.

I know some illnesses require drugs, but I hope more people move away from drugs so that we can replace them with other healing methods. Let’s take back our health, and not always opt for what looks like the easy way out.

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How Much Do You Know About Your Partner?

I was watching a reel the other day where a woman asked her fiancé questions about herself. She asked, “What’s my favorite food?” He didn’t know. She then asked, “Where is my favorite place to go?” He didn’t know. I was also surprised when my husband of 43 years asked me what color my eyes were as he was filling out a form. I started to ask myself how much we knew about each other, and how fun it would be to sit down with a friend, partner, or family member to ask a series of identity questions, not to make anyone feel bad about not knowing an answer, but to start some conversations to learn more about each other. Here are a few questions to see how much you know about each other.

· When is my birthday? How do I like to celebrate it? What is my favorite kind of cake?

· What color are my eyes?

· What is my actual hair color?

· What is my middle name?

· Have I ever had a nickname? What was it?

· What is my favorite food?

· What is my favorite movie?

· What is my favorite restaurant?

· Where is my favorite place to go?

· What is my favorite color?

· What would my dream job be?

· What are my religious beliefs?

· What is my favorite possession?

· Where did we first meet?

· What political party do I belong to?

· What are the 3 things I love to do?

· What is something that drives me crazy? (in general, not about you)

· How do I recover from a bad day?

· What is on my bucket list to do?

· Would I rather text or call?

· Do I like animals?

· Name two of my favorite pets from the past.

· Am I an extrovert or introvert?

· Do I value physical activity?

· What is my favorite holiday?

· What is your favorite memory of us?

· What is the best compliment I have ever received?

· What has been my biggest challenge in life?

· What is my favorite way to spend time with you?

· What is my biggest fear?

· What are my top 3 values?

· What is something I have always wanted to learn?

Have fun asking each other the questions, and then ask questions about the answers, and add a few questions of your own.

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5 Things I should have learned sooner

There are certain things in life that you have to learn the hard way through experiences, but it often takes me more than one messy interaction before I learn the lessons. There are several important life lessons I wish I had learned sooner.

Give grace and expect it as well.

We all have moments when life overwhelms us, and we don’t handle things as well as we wish we could. In those moments, we need to give each other grace and try to understand what the other person is going through. I had a sign in my classroom that said everyone is carrying a burden of some type, be kind.

Have you ever had that happen when the person you think has the picture-perfect life tells you about something awful she is dealing with? What if you judge someone harshly only to find out there is a legitimate reason for the way he is acting? Give grace first, and ask questions later.

You also have the right to expect grace for yourself in certain circumstances. If you are the sounding board for a friend who always seems to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, you are also allowed to have a bad day. If grace doesn’t go both ways, it’s time for a conversation.

Kindness is a superpower.

I have seen kindness do some incredible things. Do you know that all you need to do is smile at someone to let her know she is valued? Have you ever had a day when everyone has been unpleasant, but a stranger smiles at you? That is a simple act of kindness. Complimenting someone, helping with a task, or paying for a coffee are all ways to show someone he is not alone, and people care. Once you do something nice for someone it’s addictive and you want to do more and more.

Hold on to the good people and let go of the toxic.

I am a people pleaser, and although I’m improving when it comes to being nice when being disrespected or tolerating other toxic behavior, I have held on to some toxic relationships way too long. I finally realized how much more important quality is to quantity when it comes to friendships. If you have trouble distinguishing between toxic and non-toxic here are some signs of a toxic person.

· Gossips about you.

· Treats you as the villain and he is the victim

· Ignores you.

· Judges you.

· Is disrespectful/says hurtful things

· He is self-absorbed

A good person is excited for your success instead of jealous, she enjoys being with you, and she is your cheerleader. The give and take in the relationship is balanced.

The prettier grass on the other side of the fence is fake.

I laughed when a friend called Facebook Fakebook, but there are people on social media who want you to think they live a perfect life, but behind all that perfect is a whole lot of mess. Before you start to feel jealous about what a person has, be grateful for what you don’t have that they are hiding from you. Don’t ever compare yourself with someone else because they might wish they could be as good as you at something. Be grateful for your good, and work on your messy pile, and be transparent about it. Some will judge you but think about how many people you could help when they realize they are not alone.

There are quite a few other things I have learned the hard way, but I will save that for another article.