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What Do The Voices in Your Head Say?

We don’t always realize that something we say resonates with people, and sticks with them, jumping back in their mind they need it. Can you think of something that someone has said to you that you say over in your mind in certain situations?

I believe in positivity and what can happen when you send out positive energy. Some people call it manifesting, but no matter what you call it, it means that if you believe it then it can become real. I have seen it happen too many times to not think I should at least continue to give it a try.

One of the examples of using positive energy is when we pull into a packed restaurant parking lot. I immediately say, “We are going to get seated right away.”  When I first started doing this my family would laugh at me, until unusual things would happen where even though people were waiting there was a spot for us. Now, they all say it before I can. My friend Raleigh was the same way, but last week he told me, “Jen, every time we pull into a busy restaurant I hear your voice, and I say Raleigh don’t send out the negative energy, do the positive thing Jen does, and darn it Jen, it works!”

The voice we hear could be advice someone has given us. I had this happen in two different incidents recently. The first was at a race. I tend to start out too fast, and then at mile two, I’m dying. My friend said, “Go slow and steady, and save something for the end.” The whole race I used that as my mantra. I kept saying, “Slow and steady.” I had an amazing race and even cut a minute off my finishing time.

The second incident was in the dentist’s chair. I have had the same dental hygienist for years, and she knows me well. I had a lot on my mind when I came in, and she said, “I’ve been praying for you. I also have a message for you. Be still.” That was a gut punch because I do not do stillness well and I need to spend more time in quiet. I walked around the rest of the week telling myself to be still.

I love hearing that something I wrote helped someone. A friend of mine loves to run distance, but she was always signing up for the shorter distance runs. I realized she didn’t think she could do the longer runs, but I knew she could. One day, she sent me a picture with an excerpt from my book that says, “Believe you can” She sent it as she was training for her first marathon.

Sometimes the voices are negative. Those are the ones that you can’t allow to stay. Replace those with positives and see the difference it makes.

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Marathon Mistakes to Avoid

Most of the things I have learned, especially in running, are because of mistakes I have made. My first marathon was The Atlanta Marathon on Thanksgiving. I thought I had trained correctly. I was running at least 45 miles a week, and every week I was running a long run of 16–20 miles to prepare myself for the marathon distance. Unfortunately, there were a few factors I left out of my preparation. I consider my first marathon a success because I felt strong most of the time, but there were a few things that could have helped me. Here are a few mistakes to avoid.

Going at the wrong pace

Before the marathon, I was running mostly 5 and 10 ks. When you do that you become accustomed to a certain pace. During my first marathon, I ran the first half as I would a slightly slower 5k. Each aid station had your projected finish time at that moment. At the halfway point I was projected to finish right under four hours. Unfortunately, I didn’t have as much gas for the second half, so I finished in 4:30. I had no idea what my ideal pace would be for that distance because when I was doing my long runs in training I would stop for a quick break. I think if I had run longer without stopping I might have had a better feel for my pace.

I suggest doing half-marathons as training runs because even though it is half the distance you will have more of a race feel.

The wrong fuel

My marathon was in my early days of distance running, but I should have known more about fueling. I didn’t know what an electrolyte was, and I had no idea what to eat or how often. The only thing I had in my belt was a Snickers bar, and I never ate it. I remember at mile 22, I was walking up a hill and I said to a volunteer, “I’m so hungry!” She asked if I wanted to leave the course. Um, at mile 22? My right leg might be broken, but if I’m at mile 22, I am going to finish.

My stomach does not do well with Gatorade and Powerade, (I found out the hard way at an ultra-marathon.) I also do not like gels, so through the races I have found an electrolyte that works for me called Hoist, and I eat energy gummies and waffles, as well as the classic peanut butter and jelly.

The wrong gear

There is running gear for any weather or terrain, but you have to know what to be prepared for. One of my most disappointing ultra-marathons was last year. I was so excited for this eleven-hour race, and usually I prepare like a fanatic, but I had been busy with some other things which distracted me. The day of the race, we had monsoon rains, and thunder and lightning. I have all kinds of waterproof gear, but I didn’t check the weather, so within minutes I was soaked, cold, and miserable. The trails were puddles. I am doing it again in three weeks, and I guarantee you I am ready this time.

Remember the rule you always hear that you should not wear something for the first time on race morning.

Making it about someone else

As I have reached my golden years, I am more concerned about how I can improve than comparing myself to how someone else is doing. There will always be someone faster and slower. Enjoy the joy of meeting your goals.

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What Happens When I Go to Walmart

The other day, my husband said he wanted to go pick up a few things at Walmart. You might think there is nothing out of the ordinary with that, but a trip to Walmart causes me all sorts of trouble.

As a writer, I have to be a good observer and listener. When I go to Walmart I have sensory overload. While my husband is picking out soup and chips, here is what I am doing.

A woman with three children is trying to grocery shop while herding her children who have more energy than you would think possible. She looks stressed beyond belief. I am staring at her while I imagine the story of her life. My husband is asking what we should make for dinner, and I am compiling a mental story of what I am watching.

As we move on to the cereal aisle I see a woman in one of the motorized carts. She is moving slowly through the aisle, only able to reach items that are at eye level. What has put her in that cart? Does she have an injury, or has life worn her down so she is so tired she needs to sit? I am so lost in thought sending her hope for healing in whatever form she needs that I don’t realize my husband has called my name several times. “Oh, sorry.”, I say. He wants to know which cereal I want, so I slide by the woman and the cart and reach up for my choice.

We go over to the personal care section next and see a long line at the pharmacy. It hits me how many people are struggling with their health. I look up from my musings and realize I don’t know where my husband is. I can only imagine what I will see and hear if I am allowed to wander the aisles by myself.

Before I can begin inventing more life stories for the people I see, or send out blessings, my husband pops out from the shampoo aisle and says he is ready to go. You would think that would be the end of my overactive imagination, but the checkout lane is where the best people-watching occurs. I am definitely going to need a rest after all this stimulation.

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The Different Vibes of Paris

I am blessed that I have been able to visit many major cities, but Paris fascinates me the most. It isn’t because I lived there, or that I taught French for 40 years and took 19 student group trips there. It’s because each neighborhood has its vibe. I can only speak for the vibe that I attach to each neighborhood since I’m sure others might see things differently.

Paris is divided into 20 areas called arrondissements. Instead of describing some of them by their number, I will mention the attractions in each one which add to the vibe.

My favorite area of Paris is the Latin Quarter. It gets its name from being the student area where only Latin was spoken in the past. You can find La Sorbonne, The Pantheon, Notre Dame, The Luxembourg Gardens, and many more great sites. There is a youthful energy in this area, but it has a calmer vibe than some of the more touristy areas. Shopping is less expensive, there are parks to stroll through, and there are pedestrian streets full of cafés and food vendors. There are also bookstores everywhere. When I am in this area I always feel relaxed. If you want to step away from the city head into the Luxembourg Garden where there is a pond to sailboats, pony rides, a café, tennis courts, pétanque courts, beehives, and a vineyard.

About 20 minutes away is another great garden called Le Jardin de Plantes. I would advise you to find a map because it is huge. There is a zoo, a National History Museum, and many other things to see.

There are areas where life is moving at a more hectic pace like at the Louvre and the Champs-Élysée. If you don’t mind being surrounded by crowds they are places you need to visit at least once. If you want a quieter museum try the Orsay Museum. It never feels crowded because there are all sorts of nooks and crannies.

Head over to Le Marais where the vibe will be chic. Check the prices at cafés because this is a more expensive area.

Everyone wants to visit the Eiffel Tower, and in my opinion, this is one of the most crowded, stressful areas of Paris. What I always think is cool though is no matter where you are and how busy it is you can duck down a side street and quiet reigns.

Another busy area with an artsy vibe is Montmartre. La Place de Tertre is full of artists, and cafés are reasonable. It’s where Hemingway and many other authors frequented. Sacré Coeur is beautiful, and in my opinion, you can buy the best crepes at the crepe stand in Montmartre.

I hope you have a chance to visit Paris and discover the different feels of Paris for yourself.

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They Are Watching

Most of us would say there isn’t any reason for others to pay attention to us, but in all areas of our lives, people notice what we do and say. You can be a role model who inspires people or the weaker link that people try not to emulate. Either way, they are watching you all the time. Let me give you a few examples.

When I had children I learned quickly that parenting was a huge responsibility. I was suddenly responsible for the safety and protection of a small human. It was up to me and the community that surrounded us to raise a good person.

I had no idea it would also make me a better person as well. One of the reasons that happens is because your children are always watching you and learning from you. They are taking notes from the way you react to things, and you will be surprised to see it become a domino effect.

When my two oldest were 13 and 16 and the youngest was 3 we had one of those stressful disasters when so many things go wrong you find yourself saying, “You have got to be kidding!”

My husband was away on business, and I was about to start a day when I wouldn’t even have time for lunch. Our morning routine always had to be timed perfectly. First I got my three-year-old ready, then I would wake up the teenagers, take the toddler to daycare, and come pick up the others and take them to school with me.

On this day I had the toddler all set to go, but as I went upstairs to wake the teens I heard my daughter’s door open, and she screamed. Now, since this never meant something good I hurried up the stairs with a toddler close behind me. As I reached the top of the stairs I saw that the dog had pooped everywhere and thrown up behind my son’s door. My teenagers were watching me for my reaction, but all I could think to say was, “I don’t know when I will have time to clean this. I turned, picked up the toddler, and headed off to daycare. When I came back I was shocked to see that they had cleaned up everything. They told me that they were impressed that I had stayed calm.

They are also watching how you treat others. My daughter and I went to McDonald’s for breakfast. We had paid and were standing at the counter waiting for our food when I noticed an older couple struggling to find money to pay for their breakfast. I stepped over and slid my debit card through the machine. The man said, “Oh, thank you!” I replied, “It is my pleasure. Enjoy your breakfast!” He approached our table later and said, “Thank you for doing that. My wife has been sick, and this was the first day she felt like eating.” He gave both of us blessing stones and told us he gave them to people to talk about Jesus. We both carry them in our purses, and I have watched my daughter do many acts of kindness since then.

You can create a domino effect with strangers by your actions. Hold the door for someone and watch that person hold the door for the next person. Buy someone a coffee and see the realization that an act of kindness is something we all need to do.

Everyone is watching you including your colleagues, your partner, and your friends, so do your best to give them a good standard to live up to.

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Boosting Your Mental Health

We all have days when we are stuck in a funk. There might not be any reason for it, or we might be dealing with some heavy things, but either way, there are some positive, healthy ways to soothe our mental state. Here are a few.

Acknowledge your feelings.

I have had several moments in my life when emotions overwhelmed me and I felt as if it would be too hard to feel everything at once, so I pushed the emotions back. It would have been healthier to release the emotions and deal with them because denying them only caused stress and anxiety.

Seek out support

Don’t be ashamed when you are struggling. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Feeling supported by friends and family or your community can make a huge difference. If you need outside help many organizations can offer support. You are not alone.

Laugh

You cannot stay sad for long when you are laughing. Do something fun with friends, or go online and watch funny videos. Laughter can lift your mood in no time.

Move

Movement is a great way to clear your mind and relieve stress. I do my best problem-solving when I’m running.

Sleep

When I was a teacher I saw how powerful adequate sleep was as well as how harmful sleep deprivation could be. Sometimes the best remedy for feeling down is resting.

Food

Food is love and fuel. A good meal can lift your mood. Cooking is soothing, and all those great smells will bring your family into the kitchen with you.

Self-care

Doing small things to improve yourself will make you feel better about yourself. When you feel good you will be more motivated and productive.

Music

Music has healing powers. You can find the right song if you need to unwind and chill or shake your booty.

Go outside

Nature is restorative. Walking around and soaking up what is around you can calm your mood.

Find what works for you, but be intentional about keeping your mental health strong.

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Saving Sanity as a Parent

Parenting is unlike any other experience in life. You have to learn how to multitask, think quickly on your feet, be flexible but firm, be creative in many different ways, and do it all with much less than the recommended amount of sleep. All the chaos can take a toll on a parent’s mental health, but parents can have an easier time of it if they let a few things go. Here are a few ideas.

Don’t strive for perfection. Parenting is messy and smelly, and what worked well for you yesterday will not work today. You have to constantly reinvent how to parent while holding on to a few classic constants, but perfection is not part of parenting.

Don’t compare yourself to other parents. We have all seen the woman who gave birth last week and is already back in her pre-pregnancy jeans or the man who has all four children under control in the toy section of Walmart. We look at them with awe and say, “How do they do it?” We should all be happy for them but also know you don’t know what other issues they struggle with. You might not want to trade places. Do your best, love your children, keep them safe and cared for and you are already doing a great job.

Let go of the guilt. This is hard for me. When my children were in school, and they struggled with something I immediately blamed myself which is crazy. I think we always wonder if we are doing a good enough job, giving enough of our time, and teaching them enough.

Filter friendly advice. When my daughter gave birth she was terrified that she wasn’t doing things correctly. I was determined not to advise unless asked, but before the birth, I had warned her she would hear some crazy ideas about breastfeeding and baby care. One of her friends told her she might have a problem with breastfeeding and if she didn’t pump as well as breastfeed she might have to go to the hospital. What? My daughter was crying. I calmly said that I didn’t remember everything about caring for a baby, but I did remember that your body would produce what you used the day before, so there was no need to also pump. Don’t listen to all the advice because everyone will have some for you.

Forget about the parenting guides. Every child is unique and responds differently. The milestones are not meant to be exact times, so don’t panic. Discipline techniques will have to vary to fit each situation, and schedules should be according to what fits the best for your family.

Realize that most parents often feel out of control. The trick is to fake it most of the time and appear to be on top of the situation then close your bedroom door and scream into the pillow. Parenting makes you stronger by breaking you over and over and forcing you to figure out how to make it work.

Humor is the best weapon. There are so many memories that seemed awful at the time but are hysterical memories. Find the humor in the situation when parenting becomes overwhelming.

Ask for help. Sometimes you need a break or someone to come spend adult time with you. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

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A Parental Resume

Everyone will agree that parenting a child is a responsibility, but it can also be considered a job. When you become a parent, your life changes forever. To deal with all these changes, we have to adopt different skill sets. What we learn to do as parents would make an impressive resume. Here is what it might look like.

John Doe

Address; Somewhere in the U.S. Phone; 860–987–4532

Education: The school of life

Degree earned: A B.S. in parenting

Job experience: Parent of 4

Skills:

· I can negotiate with a toddler during a tantrum.

· I can still function and be productive with only several hours of sleep.

· I have the power to detect a poopy diaper at ten feet, and I am not afraid to inspect closer for confirmation.

· I am willing to travel…. anywhere.

· I can wake up at the slightest sound and be alert and ready in seconds.

· I can put together a meal with whatever is in the refrigerator.

· I can multitask because it is essential for a parent’s survival.

· I can still care for 4 children while I have the flu.

· I appreciate the arts. (4th grade theater especially)

· I can set boundaries.

· I can teach P.E.

· I know the power of distraction, and I am not afraid to use it.

· I know the importance of filtering the many pieces of parental advice I will receive.

· I can let a few things go to focus on a task.

· I keep my goals simple like surviving with my sanity.

· I believe in giving grace.

· I do not need to feel in control since my life is usually chaotic.

The next time you question your ability as a parent, think of all the skills you have developed as you care for your children. You have honed critical life skills. You rock!

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We All Need Healing

Life is a beautiful mishmash of joys and sorrows, and at some point, we all can feel a little battered and bruised. When life overwhelms us, and we feel that we are struggling a little healing can make a big difference.

Healing can come in many different forms. It can be anything that comforts us or makes us better. Some find healing in inspiration. Seeing others achieve amazing things, or reading words of encouragement can help strengthen someone’s spirit.

I just published a running book called The Healing Power of Running where I compiled stories of people who were facing challenges, and they used running to heal and overcome the challenges. One story talks about a lady who had cancer and used running to prove she was greater than the disease. Another is the story of a man who was diagnosed with M.S., but instead of accepting the diagnosis, he decided he would do what he could to improve his health. He started running with his daughter and when he returned for a follow-up visit with his doctor, the doctor said he could not find any symptoms of the disease, so whatever he was doing he should keep doing it. When we see others rising above their challenges it motivates us to do the same. Their stories can heal us.

True friends and supportive family can heal us too. Everyone should have at least one friend to laugh with and share secrets. I wrote another book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden with the intention that the short bits of encouragement would be like receiving advice from your best friend. Laughter and love can always heal us.

I know there are people who don’t want to admit they need healing. They see it as a weakness that they want to hide, but admitting you need help shows courage. When you are transparent with your struggles it often opens the door for someone else to ask for help. In that way, not only are you healing yourself, but you are also healing others.

I hope if you are struggling you will reach out for a positive form of healing.

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Unexpected Messages We Need

Have you ever read or heard something that you swear is a message sent specifically for you? It happens to me all the time, and I always feel it is a gift I am receiving. It is a validation that I have done the right thing or a warning about what I should do for my good. The messages always come when I least expect them.

This morning I received one of these messages as I was scrolling through Facebook. There are often quotes and thoughts on my feed, but this morning one hit home. It said, “God took you away from the table you were at because the hostess was feeding you poison.” Let me tell you why this took my breath away.

I retired three years ago from a job that wasn’t good for my mental health. I won’t go into specifics, but it became a toxic work environment for me. Even though it was a relief to walk away it was also difficult to completely break free after being there for so long. I asked myself if I made the right decision to leave, but I was so grateful to not have some of the interactions I had experienced. I would ask God if I had made the correct decision and last night I was asking him if I had caused some of the toxicity, so when I saw this message this morning I felt it was for me. Sometimes God has to slam a door for our good.

I am a people pleaser and also very sensitive. Negative comments can sting like a knife, and it always hurts to lose yet another friend who hurt me or manipulated me. I always hang on to these people for way too long and put up with bad behavior. I was feeling down about something a friend had done and I was reading an article about friendship. The article said, “Let go of the people who are not prepared to love you. Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence.” This is so true. We should be more focused on quality not quantity when it comes to friends. We were watching a show the other day when the host asked, “How many friends do you need?” All three of us said, “One good one.”

Another message I received came to me as I was looking for graduation presents. A necklace showed up with this message, “it’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are not.” How true is that? How often do we not attempt something because we think we are not good enough, not capable? It’s only impossible until you do it.

We often miss messages coming to us because we are so distracted by busy lives and social media, but if we keep our eyes and ears open we can receive some powerful thoughts.