Parenting mind tricks

                                            

When my oldest was pregnant with my grandson, she would talk about what she was going to do after the baby was born, and it was obvious she did not think her life was going to change at all. I wasn’t sure how to tell her she was going to feel every emotion, have to multitask and be creative with little sleep, manage baby excretions with horrific smells, and listen to everyone’s opinion and judgment on how to parent while questioning whether you were ever doing anything right as you do your best to help a tiny human to thrive. I told her, “Jess, parenting is messy.”

Parenting is so much more than changing diapers or picking the right school, and it lasts a lifetime. People say, “The terrible twos”, but that age pales in comparison to the teenage years and beyond. Surviving parenthood requires a lot of creativity and some mind tricks. Let me share what has worked for me.

Distraction

This works at any age in any situation. If a toddler falls and starts to cry, do something to distract him. Also never react when it’s a tiny bump or fall. They will see your face, and even if it didn’t hurt, they will start to wail if you show emotion. If a teenager is angry, change the topic and distract.

Use questions

My children want life advice all the time, but I think they are the ones to make those decisions, so instead of telling them what I think they should do, I ask questions that guide them to an answer that fits their needs. Let’s say the question is “Mom, should I stay at my job, or look for something new?” If I give my opinion, and it ends up not being the right answer, I could be blamed, so I ask questions about the job and how it affects her life until she makes her own conclusions.

Give choices

Whenever possible give choices instead of telling a child what to do. If he can make a choice, he has had input in his decision, and will not resent being told what to do.

Use the element of surprise

You don’t want to be too predictable. Keep your children guessing so that they will never be sure what new type of consequence might be in store for them.

Maintain a united front

Children like to divide and conquer, so make sure you support each other when it comes to certain situations.

I hope these ideas help. Don’t be discouraged. Parenting is hard, but you are not alone, and you don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent.