Diffuse The Drama

It is difficult to avoid drama entirely in our lives, but there are ways we can control it. Do you have someone in your life who likes to stir the drama pot, spreading gossip and playing people against each other? Do you have colleagues or family members who like to elicit a reaction from you, and try to push your buttons? Do you know a master manipulator who sees people as pawns on the gameboard of his self-gain?  All these situations can cause drama and stress in our lives, but there are positive ways to react to the negative to diffuse these issues. Let me give you some suggestions that I have learned through personal experience.

Let’s talk about the drama pot-stirrer first. This person thrives on drama and loves to create it, listen to it, and watch it play out. What you need to know about this person is that he or she will always repeat what you divulge as a secret, and what you say will probably be slightly twisted from what you originally said. It’s a little like the game of telephone where you whisper a sentence from person to person and at the end, the sentence is something totally different. What I would suggest to help with this situation is to not share private information with this person. Also, when the pot-stirrer tells you that someone said something about you, check the facts. It may seem awkward or immature to ask someone if they said something about you, but it could diffuse a potentially volatile situation, and it may show the pot-stirrer the error of his or her ways, although they usually can’t stop stirring. Communication can solve a lot of problems.

Now, let’s talk about the person who likes to push your buttons and knows just what to say to see a reaction. I had someone close to me who caused me a great deal of stress by doing this. One day I realized that it takes at least two people to have a drama, and if I refused to participate, my life would be so much easier. One day, I said to her, “I love you, but I’m done with all the drama you create. From this point on, I refuse to be a part of it.” I know that seems too simple, but it worked. When she tries to make something seem like I am being irrational or causing a problem, I answer her calmly, tell her my reasoning, and refuse to become upset. One of the hardest things for me to ignore is when someone makes a false claim about something I do. I instantly want to confront the person and tell them I don’t do that, but you have to pick your battles, and sometimes you have to be content to rest in the truth.

My amazing husband cannot discuss political issues without becoming angry, and it drives him a little crazy that I remain calm and refuse to throw emotions into the mix. The quickest way to diffuse a volatile, emotionally charged situation is to remain calm and rational. Give it a try and be amazed at this magical technique.     

Finally, the master manipulator will leave people behind in her quest to self-promote. Be careful because this person is often very charming and capable of presenting herself in a positive light. This sounds cowardly, but I would avoid this person as much as possible because you will have to use all your anti-drama techniques and you will have to add positive confrontation. That means you must remain calm, not engage in emotions, don’t share private information, and when necessary, diffuse the problem by addressing it in a positive way. When you have a positive confrontation start off with something like, “I know you didn’t realize the impact of what you did, but…” If your attempts to solve the problem don’t work, you may need to ask a third party to be a mediator.

Drama is all around us because we are full of emotions, but it doesn’t have to affect us negatively or control our lives. I hope these techniques help you.