Having a Conversation

The definition of a conversation is a talk between two or more people in which ideas or news are exchanged. The problem is that our interactions often are more one-sided with one person talking about himself or interrupting to interject with a personal anecdote. We are often distracted because of the many things we need to do, so instead of focusing on what someone is saying we are checking our phones or trying to finish one more e-mail.

Conversations are a form of communication and when we are not focusing on the people involved there can be negative consequences. When we are not focusing on the person talking to us, we send the message that the person is not valued. When we constantly interrupt others, finish their sentences, or make the conversation completely about us, we are not hearing the other person and we are focused only on ourselves. Perhaps the most important issue is we are not communicating fully, and we could be missing important information.

I ran a mentor program at our school and to do that, I did extensive research on how to communicate well because I wanted the teachers to feel heard and valued. Here are a few ideas that I learned about how to have a good conversation with someone.

Focus completely on the person who is speaking with you. Make eye contact and turn your body towards the person. Have you ever been talking to someone, and the person turns slightly towards the door and begins inching towards it? You want to give the impression you are interested in what the person is saying.

Stop what you are doing when someone is speaking to you. Turn your phone over and listen.

Be empathetic and ask questions for understanding. You can often walk someone to his or her own solution by asking questions.

Don’t interrupt. Let the person finish a sentence and let a few seconds of silence hang in the air before you say anything. Do not finish a sentence with what you think someone will say.

If you do not have time to talk, set a time when you do. Let the person know the conversation is important to you.

Everyone needs a chance to tell his story. Be a good listener and you should have your chance too.

When you can speak to someone in person, do that instead of texting.

I hope this helps, and I hope there are many great conversations in your future. Just remember that a conversation takes two!