Imperfect Parenting

My oldest daughter gave birth to my precious grandson two months ago. During that time, I have watched her try to do everything perfectly. She has been a rock star mom, but anyone will tell you that parenting is messy and what worked brilliantly one day, probably will not work the next. Although It has been a huge learning experience for her in the beauty of imperfection, it has been difficult to watch my daughter exhaust herself as she does her best to be a good mom. I have tried to keep my advice to myself unless I was asked for it, but I think I could have saved her some angst if I had offered a few bits of hard-learned wisdom. Here are a few things that might help any parent.

Self-care is as important as child care.

You cannot do your child any good if you are exhausted, emotionally drained, or hungry. Do not feel guilty about doing things for yourself because you can take better care of your child if you feel good. Find things that lift your spirits like dancing to great music in the kitchen with your child, binging on a great series, or door dashing your favorite foods. People will tell you that most problems can be avoided if you keep your child fed and rested, and the same is true for you. You also need some time to yourself, so If you have someone who can watch the child, sneak out for an hour.

Define your boundaries

Everyone wants to see a new baby, but a stream of visitors will wear you out. Post a note on the door to not ring the doorbell, and give friends and family times when they can visit. Older children bring over friends at all hours, so you may need to draw some boundaries there.

Let things go

You are going to make so many mistakes as a parent, and that’s ok. You will learn from each stumble and come back stronger. There are certain days when you should not worry whether the laundry is done, or the house is clean. Rearrange your priorities to fit your life and situation.

United we stand    

If you have a partner in the parenting journey, make sure you support each other’s decisions because children are very good at finding weak spots and creating division. Work together to decide how you want to approach each situation and then do it as a united front.

Share with other parents

It is often difficult to be transparent about what is not going right in our parenting adventure, but when we have the courage to share our struggles, it not only helps us when we realize we are not the only ones dealing with the same issues, but it can also help others who thought the problem was theirs alone.

Drop the guilt

As parents, when our children do something wrong, we immediately think it is because we did something wrong. I cannot tell you how liberating it was for me when I realized my children needed to take responsibility for their actions.

Keep a sense of humor

When my husband and I start telling parenting stories, we usually start laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. Parenting has been messy, awkward, frustrating, emotional, and most definitely funny. As long as you are doing your best for your children, everything else will work itself out.

You do you.

This has been the advice I have given my daughter the most. Everyone has an opinion about how something should be done and they don’t have any trouble sharing that advice with you. You need to choose what works for you and your family.