Ten Thoughts You Should Change

Ten Thoughts You Should Change

Our thoughts are powerful. When we think of something enough it becomes our reality. When those thoughts are negative, it can cause us to doubt our ability to achieve the happiness that we deserve. It can leave us feeling anxious and depressed because we can convince ourselves that the negativity about ourselves is true. Some thoughts only need to be slightly adjusted while others need to be dumped to the curb with the garbage to lighten our load. We can work at changing the thoughts by shifting our attitudes, but first, we should identify those thoughts and then work consistently to turn them around to address them with a more positive tone. Here are ten negative thoughts you should change on your path for a happier life.

1. I’m a mess and I need to make sure no one sees it.

I think being imperfect and being ok with it makes you more interesting. The conversations with someone who struggles to get things right and can be transparent about it are much more interesting than those with someone who feels like they have it all together. We only need to see our messy approach to life as less of a negative. Most of us are way too hard on ourselves. We need to share more of our struggles and help each other out by comparing those experiences and potential tricks for success. Keep a sense of humor when it comes to life.

I had a situation where my school community was going to have a clear view of my family dynamics. My children are all glorious to me, but they do not fit neatly into a conservative box. They have their own perfectly fine way of expressing themselves, but I knew I might be judged because of it. I decided at that moment that my love for my family was more important than anyone’s opinion and when I expressed that the next day, several other friends mentioned similar issues. We all decided that when we are transparent with each other, it lifts a burden from our shoulders and can help others who might also be struggling. 

• I’m not good enough.

Have you ever been afraid that someone will find you lacking in something you are doing? I am guilty of having the I am not good enough thought all the time. That feeling of being too flawed can cause unnecessary stress and your lack of confidence can affect your performance.

I am always surprised when someone whom I admire tells me about a struggle with self-esteem. There is often a huge difference between the person you think you are and how other people see you, and their vision of you is usually much more favorable.

 The easiest way to combat the thought that you are not good enough is to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of your strengths and your accomplishments. What are you good at doing? Now think about what you know you would like to improve and make a plan to make those changes. Ask for help from people you admire. 

Another trick to fight this common thought is to repeat several positive affirmations about your strengths. Whenever you feel doubt creeping in, list some accomplishments or strengths.

• I can’t do anything right.

I’m not sure where the idea that we need to be good at all things can seem realistic. Iam a horrible cook but I love to make sure that people are not hungry and I believe food is love, so I buy food that others have prepared instead of cooking myself. I love to sing but it is another non-gift. Permit yourself to accept what you are not good at without feeling bad about yourself. Everyone has gifts even if you have not realized them yet. While I have a long list of things I cannot do well, I am good with people. My family jokes that I should have been a spy because random strangers tell me their entire life stories. Focus on what you enjoy doing and ask for help with anything that makes you struggle.

• I don’t fit in.

             Everyone wants to feel they belong to a community and we all need a crew. If our                         

             identity does   not fit our community, it can cause us to feel left out and alienated. We

             need to feel that we belong. I don’t think anyone should change his identity to fit in  

            somewhere. Can you change your community to fit your identity, or can you form a

             community within the community to allow others who don’t fit into a  group together?         

             Revel in your uniqueness and find others who need  to express themselves in their way.

• I’m not smart enough.

When my daughter started her senior year, I noticed she wasn’t involved in the college process like her friends were. She wasn’t filling out applications, and she didn’t want to talk about her options. I told my husband I thought she didn’t think she was smart enough, so I filled out one application and she eventually filled out two. She made her decision and during the summer she said several times that maybe college wasn’t for her and I always told her that was fine, but she needed to tell me what the plan B life plan was. I also told her I was sure she was going to discover that she would be one of the smarter people in the room. I will never forget after she received her second 100 during the first week and she said, “Maybe I am smart enough to go to college.”  

In my humble opinion, common sense is the most important form of intelligence, and if you have that you can work out quite a few of life’s puzzles. Being smart about life will help you a lot more than the ability to reproduce information.              

• No one listens to me.

Do you sometimes feel as if you are invisible in a conversation? I think this sometimes happens when the people around you are more confident and more assertive. One friend said it perfectly when she said some people have strong personalities. Quite a few people like to hear their voice and would rather talk about themselves. Don’t take it personally when someone changes the conversation to speak to someone else. They might think talking about themselves is more interesting. If you want to make a point, don’t give up on expressing yourself.  

• I can’t change my situation.

This thought is grounded in fear. There is a fear of failure and a fear of stepping outside the comfort zone. Nothing amazing is going to happen though if you cower in unhappiness and talk about what you wish you could do. Make a plan of how you are going to do it instead. Of course, that is scary, but what if you succeed?

This thought is also where excuses are born. “I don’t have time, I don’t know how, I’m too big, too small.” The list is endless. I see people who defy the odds all the time. What if that person was you?

• I don’t deserve to be happy.

Everyone deserves to be happy and if you are happy, the people around you are happy. There is nothing you could do that would mean you should not live the best life you can.

• I need to do it all well and have it all together.

This should probably be the number one thought we should change because it can cause enough stress and unhappiness to make you ill. No one is perfect. Some people are very good at painting a perfect picture, but if you look under the surface, you will find quite a bit of imperfection. Be the best you can be, but then give yourself some grace if your crown falls off sometimes. Life is messy and crazy stuff happens. We all need to handle it in the best way we can and realize that having it all together is not a good goal to have. Let’s all strive for being happy instead.     

1. No one cares about me.

Most people have moments at some point where they might feel alienated or alone. Start to think about the communities you are a part of and how active a role you play in those communities. Reach out to a few people and ask how they are. Their replies will make you feel more connected. Volunteer when you can and make a difference in other’s lives. Even when you might feel unloved, you are probably at least one person’s rock.

Many of our negative thoughts are excuses that hold us back from living as well as we could. Excuses are verbal expressions of our fear of failure. We can live a much fuller life if we take the steps outside our comfort zone. We may fall, but if we keep rising back up and keeping our thoughts positive, we will be much happier.