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10 Ways to Stay Out of Your Own Way

Do you tear yourself down better than anyone else? Do you not do something that you would love to do because you are afraid of failure? If you say yes you need to know that you are not alone, and that we often are the ones who hold ourselves back, but there are some ideas to help you stay out of your own way. Here are a few that I hope will help you.

Practice an I can attitude. When I was teaching, mastery in a subject was measured with I can statements. We can do the same in life. When you start to feel your self-esteem slipping, list all the things you can do. When you put your strengths on paper you start to realize that you are stronger than you think. Believing you can do something is the first step in achieving it.

Do an energy check. Ask yourself where you are spending your energy. Are there energy drainers in your life? Are there ways to eliminate them? Are there tasks that you can delegate to others? Remember a good leader delegates and guides instead of micromanaging. Do the same thing at home. When you give some of the responsibilities to others it will free up your time to do other things you enjoy.

Slow down. I am wired to always be doing something. I have trouble sitting down and resting because I feel guilty that I am not being productive. Everywhere I look though I see that rest and sleep are key to our general health. Slow down and enjoy your moments.

Drop your mask. Are you afraid to be yourself because others might not like what they see? Being transparent will set you free. People often are more comfortable when they know you have imperfections just like they do. Being someone you are not is exhausting, and will only hold you back.

Take risks. Is there something you would like to do but you worry about judgment if you fail? Bravery doesn’t mean not being afraid. It means you did something anyway even though you are afraid.

Don’t play the comparison game. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories. Imperfection also lies right below the surface of the people you emulate. You might not want to carry that person’s burdens.

Be your best friend. Change your self-talk to be only positive, and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

Be a good listener. Most people are horrible listeners. We interrupt a speaker to insert our own story. Listening is a chance to learn, and it allows us to show empathy. Good communication means you have to listen.

Control your emotions. Releasing your emotions and expressing your feelings is important for our health, but allowing negative emotions to overwhelm us can cause issues for us. Fight frustration because it is wasted energy. Anger can cause issues. Walk away from the situation and breathe.

Movement is a must. You can choose any form of movement. Running for me is the ultimate healer. When I am running, I feel a sense of peace. I can work out problems and generate ideas.

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Cold Water Therapy

I love trying new things in my quest for being as healthy as I can. Since I’m also 66, the attempts to stay healthy are even more important.

Anyone who jumped into a cold lake as a child knows How invigorating cold water swimming can be, but as I aged I preferred warmer water for my swims.

We were watching a show recently called Outside beyond the lens and they were in Scotland. They were talking about a group of locals who were taking a morning cold water swim. They mentioned the benefits involved with cold water therapy including reducing inflammation, and increasing blood flow, metabolism, and energy.

I decided to give it a try, so in late October I was still swimming in our pool. I didn’t think I would be able to do it because I hate being cold. What I discovered though was if I went in slowly and allowed my body to adjust, it made it easier. The initial whole body plunge was the most difficult and then you have to force yourself to stay in while your body adapts. The result is the coolest feeling! You actually feel as if you are warm from the inside out. I love the feeling when I come out because my skin tingles. I do have more energy after I come out, and it helps the inflammation I sometimes have in my feet as a runner

I hope you take the plunge!

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That One Person

I have always thought that the quality of the people in your life is more important than the quantity of those around you. I have had too many situations when someone who I thought was a friend was only using me. I focus more now on surrounding myself with people who bring me peace and make me happy. I believe we all need at least one person who brings us joy in some way. It could be several individuals who fill us in different ways, but if we have one person for those different needs, it can be life changing. Here are a few instances where one person can make a difference.

The one you can always rely on.

Who is the first person you think of when you need help? Everyone needs someone who will be there in a flash, who is always the calm in the storm, and instantly knows what needs to be done. My husband is the one for our family. He knows about things I didn’t even know existed. An example is the time he was passing the refrigerator, stopped and said, “Oh, the filter needs to be changed.” Did you know there is a filter on the outside of the refrigerator that needs to be changed every six months? Go look. It’s on the bottom. Another time, we were walking through the basement when he looked up at our copper pipe and said, “We have a leak. I’ll have to solder that.” I replied, “You know how to solder?” My children and I have asked him to write a book about all the things he knows because we are convinced, we would be lost without him.

The one who makes you laugh.

This is the most important person to me because laughter is a powerful medicine. I was the person for my oldest sister. There was something about my laughter that sent her into hysterics, and within minutes she would run to the bathroom. I would start to giggle about something, and she would have a concerned look on her face, and she would say, “Jen, don’t!”

The one who makes you feel special.

When you are feeling less than your best, this is the person that tells you why you are amazing and convinces you it is true.

The one who is your voice of wisdom.

This is another important person for me because I am oversensitive, and harder on myself than anyone else. I am blessed to have several very wise people around me. I will tell one of them something hateful that someone said, and he will look at me as if I have lost my mind and say something like, “Why do you care?” I need those wise voices in my life.

The one who wraps you up in love.

We all need someone who makes it clear that we are very important to him or her. This person is grateful to be in our life, and not afraid to show us.

People can be exhausting and slightly crazy, so I hope you have at least one person in your life who is a safe place to land.

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What Do The Voices in Your Head Say?

We don’t always realize that something we say resonates with people, and sticks with them, jumping back in their mind they need it. Can you think of something that someone has said to you that you say over in your mind in certain situations?

I believe in positivity and what can happen when you send out positive energy. Some people call it manifesting, but no matter what you call it, it means that if you believe it then it can become real. I have seen it happen too many times to not think I should at least continue to give it a try.

One of the examples of using positive energy is when we pull into a packed restaurant parking lot. I immediately say, “We are going to get seated right away.”  When I first started doing this my family would laugh at me, until unusual things would happen where even though people were waiting there was a spot for us. Now, they all say it before I can. My friend Raleigh was the same way, but last week he told me, “Jen, every time we pull into a busy restaurant I hear your voice, and I say Raleigh don’t send out the negative energy, do the positive thing Jen does, and darn it Jen, it works!”

The voice we hear could be advice someone has given us. I had this happen in two different incidents recently. The first was at a race. I tend to start out too fast, and then at mile two, I’m dying. My friend said, “Go slow and steady, and save something for the end.” The whole race I used that as my mantra. I kept saying, “Slow and steady.” I had an amazing race and even cut a minute off my finishing time.

The second incident was in the dentist’s chair. I have had the same dental hygienist for years, and she knows me well. I had a lot on my mind when I came in, and she said, “I’ve been praying for you. I also have a message for you. Be still.” That was a gut punch because I do not do stillness well and I need to spend more time in quiet. I walked around the rest of the week telling myself to be still.

I love hearing that something I wrote helped someone. A friend of mine loves to run distance, but she was always signing up for the shorter distance runs. I realized she didn’t think she could do the longer runs, but I knew she could. One day, she sent me a picture with an excerpt from my book that says, “Believe you can” She sent it as she was training for her first marathon.

Sometimes the voices are negative. Those are the ones that you can’t allow to stay. Replace those with positives and see the difference it makes.

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What Happens When I Go to Walmart

The other day, my husband said he wanted to go pick up a few things at Walmart. You might think there is nothing out of the ordinary with that, but a trip to Walmart causes me all sorts of trouble.

As a writer, I have to be a good observer and listener. When I go to Walmart I have sensory overload. While my husband is picking out soup and chips, here is what I am doing.

A woman with three children is trying to grocery shop while herding her children who have more energy than you would think possible. She looks stressed beyond belief. I am staring at her while I imagine the story of her life. My husband is asking what we should make for dinner, and I am compiling a mental story of what I am watching.

As we move on to the cereal aisle I see a woman in one of the motorized carts. She is moving slowly through the aisle, only able to reach items that are at eye level. What has put her in that cart? Does she have an injury, or has life worn her down so she is so tired she needs to sit? I am so lost in thought sending her hope for healing in whatever form she needs that I don’t realize my husband has called my name several times. “Oh, sorry.”, I say. He wants to know which cereal I want, so I slide by the woman and the cart and reach up for my choice.

We go over to the personal care section next and see a long line at the pharmacy. It hits me how many people are struggling with their health. I look up from my musings and realize I don’t know where my husband is. I can only imagine what I will see and hear if I am allowed to wander the aisles by myself.

Before I can begin inventing more life stories for the people I see, or send out blessings, my husband pops out from the shampoo aisle and says he is ready to go. You would think that would be the end of my overactive imagination, but the checkout lane is where the best people-watching occurs. I am definitely going to need a rest after all this stimulation.

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Ten Ideas to Help Your Writing

As writers, we are always learning, and always trying to improve what we do, and there are times when a piece of advice or encouragement is what we need at that moment. I am putting together advice that has helped me, and I hope other writers will find it helpful as well.

1. Eliminate repetition. Especially if you are writing a novel or a longer piece it is easy to repeat yourself. Read through your work carefully and take out anything you have already said.

2. Set some lofty goals. Goals can be scary sometimes because what if you can’t achieve them? The answer to that is you either keep trying or you adjust your goals, either way, you at least have something to aim to achieve. What do you want to achieve? How much will you make each month? How often will you write an article? Are you going to write a book? There are so many possibilities.

3. Don’t overuse the same words. I will admit I am a hypocrite to give this advice because I catch myself doing this all the time. What are the common words that you overuse? Mine are that, sometimes, really, and just. I have to go over my work several times to make sure one hasn’t slipped in somewhere.

4. Don’t force your creativity. I have never believed in the advice to write every day. I have days where I have ten ideas for articles and other days when I don’t feel like writing and even if I did I cannot think of anything my readers would want to read.

5. Believe you are a writer. I have allowed self-doubt to cripple me before, and I stopped writing completely several times. If It is something you enjoy doing don’t listen to the haters or naysayers.

6. Don’t be too fast to publish. It never hurts to read something over one more time or check the grammar. I have hit publish too soon many times and then remembered something I wanted to add.

7. Use advice that works for you. Being told “Stick to your niche.”, “write what you know.”, and “Show, don’t tell.” These are pieces of advice you do not need to follow. I have been sending out my manuscript for a novel and an editor told me I needed to show not tell. I was ready to scrap the whole thing until I read from another source that not all writers should follow that advice.

8. Read it again. Have you ever proofed something several times until you are sure it’s perfect and then you discover a few more errors? I just released a book that I put through Grammarly, it was proofed by an editor and a publisher, and when the publisher asked me to check one last time I still found a few mistakes.

9. Think twice about whether you can live with what you wrote. Make sure you are okay with the reactions of anyone you have talked about in your writing. Writing is a form of expression, but it also is forever.

10. Jot down ideas for later. Am I the only one who thinks of amazing articles at the most inopportune time? My best ideas come when I am running down a deserted road miles from my house, or when I am sitting waiting for an appointment. Carry a small notebook, or record ideas on the note feature on your phone, or record an idea with your phone. I have a small whiteboard on a podium in my office that I use to write ideas before I forget them.

Good luck everyone. I hope this advice helps you, and I wish you joy and success with your writing.

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Querying a Magazine

When you have an article you want to see published and have decided you would like to see it in a magazine, you need to write a query. Here are a few steps to follow.

· Use some of the many resources available to writers to find the best fit for your article. Here are a few books I use. Writer’s Market 100th Edition, Writer’s and Artist’s Handbook, and The Christian Writer’s Market Guide. You can also go to your local bookstore and peruse the magazines there. When you think you have found a good one, go through a copy, and make sure it is a good fit.

· Find the magazine’s submission guidelines on the magazine’s website and follow them.

· You must write a query to convince the editor to publish your story. Start with an intro that will catch the editor’s attention.

· Keep the query to around a page and be to the point about what you have written.

· Explain why your article will fit into the mission of the magazine. How will it benefit readers?

· Include a short bio with previously published work or reasons why you are an expert on what you are writing.

· Edit it several times before you send it.

· Take the time to find the editor’s name instead of starting with “Dear Editor”.

· When you receive a response even if your article is not accepted thank the editor.

· Many magazines list themes for authors.

Don’t be frustrated by rejections. It only takes one yes to become a published writer.

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10 Reasons to Keep Writing

1) Your words are powerful, and they can make a difference. Have you ever been having a bad day and when you look on social media you find just the words you need to soothe you? What an amazing gift it is to lift someone with your words, and as an author you have that chance. Your words can soothe, convince, incense, and educate. Who wouldn’t want to do that?

2) You only need one yes to be published. I have received so many rejections over the years, and because I am so sensitive most of them still sting. When you receive a rejection tell yourself two things. First, that is only one voice judging your work, and not accepting it does not mean that your writing is trash. Many famous writers received rejections. Secondly, remember that it doesn’t matter how many people say no. What matters is when someone says yes, and it’s a good fit for you. Sometimes, you need to say no to the yes because it is not the best fit.

3) Using writing as a form of expression is healthy. Writing is a great way to release your thoughts and feelings. It’s free therapy for both you and your readers. When I look at Stephen King’s photo on his books I always think that it’s a good thing he is a writer because he looks to me like he could be a potential serial killer if he didn’t have a way to release all his thoughts and plots.

4) You will make amazing connections with your writing.

Writing is both a private and public activity. Your thought process and writing might be in a quiet room at 3 a.m., but when you release your writing It becomes very public. As a writer, you have to market yourself, so I have met a lot of interesting people at vendor events and speaking events. Interacting with other writers is also a learning experience and a great way to make connections.

5) The more you practice your craft the more you can perfect it. Every writer wants to be the best he can be, and to do that he has to practice working with words as well as taking a good look at his writing and reflecting on how to improve it. Reading also helps a writer improve.

6) You will keep your brain strong. Science proves that we must regularly stimulate our brain to keep it strong. Writing makes us reflect on a myriad of topics, and we need to focus on how we form our writing.

7) You can leave a legacy with your writing. A French writer, Ronsard wrote a poem, Il faut Laisser Maisons, which translates to It is Necessary to Leave Houses. What he meant was we need to leave traces of ourselves behind so we will be remembered. Our writing is a way to remember us and what we stood for.

8) You can be an inspiration for another writer. How do you know that you haven’t already encouraged other people to start writing? Someone might decide to follow a passion because you led the way.

9) Writing can be a gift to someone who needs to be celebrated. As a writer, you can write about someone special and tell the world about her. We need to celebrate each other, and writing is a way to do that.

10) If you are like me you have to write because it gives you peace and because you have all sorts of ideas tapping at the edge of your brain demanding to come out. Writing is something you have to do even when you have one of those days when you question whether you should do it.

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Your Today Can Change Your Tomorrow

Do you ever find yourself putting off something and saying, “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”? If you eat badly or skip exercising, you might say, “I’ll do better tomorrow.” We all have those moments when we need to take a break from what we know we should do, and instead do what we want to do even if it is not in our best interest. The problem is if we do that with too many of our todays, our tomorrow is eventually going to be negatively affected.

We have a family member who has just entered hospice. Caring for her during the last year has been an eye-opening experience for my family. All three children have committed to taking control of their health by eating better and exercising. Our family member was overweight and sedentary with no real interests or hobbies. My oldest was just with her to help with her care and she told me as soon as she returned home she was going to make some changes to improve her lifestyle to ensure better health.

When I had an issue with a rapid heartbeat the first question the doctor asked was about the quality of my sleep. When I told him I was awakened frequently during the night because of my husband’s snoring he told me that sleep affected my health and I needed to make sure I was sleeping well for eight hours. How many times do you stay up late working, watching television, or playing video games? You might tell yourself that you will be fine with limited sleep, but it eventually takes a toll on your body.

Another issue to take care of today is our stress levels. Stress can raise our blood pressure, wear down our immune system, and wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. Find some ways to decompress and disconnect.

Pushing off issues and problems until tomorrow can make the problems worse and raise our stress levels. Take care of problems as they arise and having resolutions will be one less thing to cause you worry.

Remember the wisdom of the saying “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” Start the journey toward your best self today.