Page 5 of 6

Posted on

Enemies of Your Writing

Being a writer can be a battle sometimes. Successful writing doesn’t happen with a flick of the pen. It involves a myriad of factors that often seem to be working against us. We need to find ways to fight against what can stand in the way of our best writing. Here are a few of the enemies of writers that we must vanquish.

Self-doubt

I know I am not the only writer who questions my ability as a writer. I am my harshest critic even though I have written six books. The negative thoughts creep in and catch us unaware. They whisper that our writing isn’t good enough, no one will want to read it, and we are wasting our time.

There are ways to fight these enemies. When those thoughts sneak in, remember your accomplishments. Set goals and celebrate achieving them. When someone sends you a kind note, or writes a nice review, keep them and on the tough days pull them out and read them.

Even though anxiety and doubt make it hard to step out of your comfort zone and market your writing, do it anyways. Realize that you are making connections and learning more about your craft.  

Haters

Unfortunately, haters are gonna hate, but what we need to remember is that hate isn’t really about our writing. It’s because the hater wants to stir the drama pot and grab the spotlight for a minute. I encourage you not to engage them because it doesn’t matter what they think, and they hate being ignored, so it is a great way to deal with them.

I am grateful that I learned early that hate from haters isn’t personal. I wrote an article about the tradition of Christmas lights. The comments that the article generated ranged from racist comments about needing the lights to make sure the blacks were not stealing to political rants that had nothing to do with Christmas lights. Those comments made me realize that I should not respond to the haters.  

Naysayers

Naysayers are nicer than haters, but their words can hurt as much as the words of a hater because they often are people close to us. They are the ones who don’t believe your dreams are possible. I taught for 40 years, and I was always trying to fit in time to write, but teaching was all consuming. At one point, I told my husband I wanted to take a year off to see if I could make writing a full-time career. He became angry and said, “I want to be a professional golfer, but that isn’t going to happen either.” Instead of letting that comment crush me I let it fuel my motivation. There was a long period of time when my family didn’t read anything I wrote. They weren’t trying to be mean; they thought writing was a hobby for me like playing the guitar. When I retired and threw myself into writing they realized what a passion it is for me.

Don’t let anyone stomp on your dreams. If you are passionate about writing don’t allow the naysayers to pull you down.

Priorities

Make writing a priority. We sometimes do everything else first because we feel we have to take care of our responsibilities before we do what fills us up. Find the time of the day and the place that is most conducive to writing and make it a priority to write then.

Distraction

Can you write in the middle of chaos? Some people can. I need quiet to write well. If there are too many distractions in your house, go somewhere like a coffee house or a library where you can work without the distractions.

Time

Do you run out of time during the day to write? Schedule your writing each day and then stick to that schedule. Your writing time is as important as any of your other responsibilities.

Energy

Scheduling your writing into your day will help guard your energy. If you wait to do it at a low energy time you will not be productive. Find some ways to stay high energy. Write for an hour and then move around and reenergize.

The enemies to our writing will always be out there, but we have the tools to be victorious in our quest for writing success.

Posted on

Running is Freedom For Me

Running has saved me throughout my life. It has helped me stay healthy mentally and physically, it has helped me deal with relationships and toxicity, and it is the time when I am the most creative. Running is a faithful friend who is always there waiting to deliver you from whatever you are dealing with at that moment. Let me explain to you why I see that as freedom.

Mental freedom. I have struggled with rough days like anyone else. I have had those moments when sadness had its claws in me and I thought I would break, but whenever I feel overwhelmed, I know a long run will calm me and make me feel better.  

Physical freedom. I have a border collie who is full of frenetic energy. If he goes too long without running or playing, he will bolt out the door and tear off to the back yard at top speed. He isn’t running toward anything; he is only running off excess energy. I am the same way because I am happiest when I am in motion. I cannot sit still for longer than an hour, and if I cannot run for several days because of responsibilities, I become irritable.

The feeling of leaving the house and running down the road feels like I am free. I can explore, observe, but most of all I can move.

Running also provides me with freedom by keeping me healthy. At 66, I do not take any medication, and I know that it is because of running. Being mobile means the freedom to explore new adventures and meet new people.  

Social freedom. Runners are typically wonderful people with positive attitudes. I have moved away from toxic relationships and formed more connections with the people I have met through running. I have social freedom to choose wonderful friends.

Creative freedom. My best thoughts come when I am running. I can write an entire article or scene in a book when I am out there in the quiet by myself.

Posted on

Who Makes You Stronger?

We all have influences in our lives including someone who ignites a passion, encourages us to follow a dream, and those that make us stronger. There can be both negative and positive influences in this category, but either way that person did something that made you stronger. Here are a few examples of the type of person who can make you stronger.

The naysayer. This is the person who would be the opposite of a cheerleader. He belittles you, tells you everything you do is wrong by fixing everything the way he thinks it should be, he makes little jabs at you and says he is kidding, but that kind of humor cuts deep. You are not allowed to do anything  that involves him because you won’t do it the way he wants you to. If this sounds familiar you have a choice on how to react. You can be passive and quiet while trying to avoid any emotional storms, or you can become quietly stronger and resilient. Let other people deal with hurt and issues without inflicting that junk on you. You have worth and value and you are capable of anything. Draw your boundaries and fly.

This type of person makes you stronger because you have to learn to cope and find your true identity. You will feel free when you decide that no one has the right to judge you.

Your cheerleader. You don’t need to have a lot of friends you just need a few good ones. When you are struggling, they are there to lift you up and love you. You are stronger because you can lean on them.

Kind words. Words are powerful so whenever anyone has said something uplifting to me, I save it for those hard days. Sprinkle kindness because you never know when someone is going to need your strength.

The toxic people. Instead of being dragged down by hatefulness look deeper to see what causes the behavior. We might see that someone is carrying a heavy burden.

Faith. You might not be a believer, but it has been a constant in my life. It keeps me strong through any trials.

So who has made you stronger? Are you responsible for making someone else strong?

Posted on

10 Ways to Clean up Your Life

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have something that needs to be improved. Small changes can have huge impacts on our lives, but we cannot make those changes until we realize a change is necessary, so start with reflection. What changes would make your life better? Make some simple goals to start on the path to cleaning up your life.

Here are 10 ideas to clean up a few areas of life that might need some tweaking.

Guard your peace. Are you a people pleaser like me? I have been working hard on reforming this area of my life. I have spent too much time trying to solve drama and problems while worrying about hurt feelings. Now I do my best to allow people to own their issues. I am much calmer and peaceful. You can choose for people to do drama on their own.

Do something new. We need a change and a reset from time to time. Do something new that will stimulate your mind and help you meet new people.

Practice self-care. Taking good care of yourself affects everything else you do. You can’t be happy and productive if you don’t feel well.

Find your people. We all need a few good people who support us and make us laugh. Choose wisely.

Do your impossible. Is there something you have always wanted to do, but you are afraid of judgment or failure? Do it anyways. When you succeed it will be so cool.

Move your body. Movement is important for both mental and physical health. Movement can help with stress and health in general.

Rest well. I had to see a cardiologist 2 years ago and the first question he asked was how well I slept. He told me our quality of sleep affects everything.

Remove the toxic. I made an effort last year to eliminate people and things that were toxic to me and the change has been amazing. You cannot always eliminate all the toxic people in your life, but you can spend as little time as possible with them.

Do something for someone else. Whenever you are feeling low, doing something for someone else can make you feel better.

Make some goals. We can motivate ourselves to improve if we make a plan for what we want to do.

Posted on

10 Easy Ways to Write Your Book

There are three distinct parts to writing a book. Those parts are the before (preparation), during (the actual writing), and the after (editing, publishing, and marketing). After writing six books I will tell you that each part was an adventure and a huge learning experience. Instead of focusing on the mistakes you make in the process, enjoy the chance to learn and improve your craft. One of the things I love about writing is there are many different ways to be successful. I’d like to share what has worked for me while telling you to adapt the advice to fit your writing. Here are eleven steps that I hope will help you.

  1. Conquer fear and crush excuses. Writers can be paralyzed because they don’t know where to begin. The questions outweigh the answers as the writers try to figure out how to be successful. Fear will keep you from taking that first step. Don’t allow it to kill your dreams.

Excuses are manifestations of fear. Phrases like “I don’t have time.” “I’m not good enough why should I bother?” “Who is going to read my writing?” are all ways to avoid stepping out of your comfort zone and possibly failing. What you might not realize is failure makes you better. Your glorious journey can’t start until you kick the excuses to the curb. Are you ready?

  • Choose the type of book you will write. Do you want to write a children’s book, a romance, science fiction, self-help, or something else. There are so many choices so choose the one that you feel passionate about.

Once you have chosen your type of book, research the rules about that genre. What is the average word count, themes, and other common elements?

  • Determine the why. Why do you want to write this book. I had a clear why for each book I have written so far, and that why helped me to stay focused. I wrote my self-help book, 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden because I saw so many people struggling with mental health. I wanted to write a book with quick bits of encouragement and inspiration. What is your why?
  • Make an outline. What are the important elements of what you want to say? Make those chapters. When I wrote a teacher’s guide, I made an outline out of all the challenges I thought teachers faced on a daily basis, and I gave them strategies to overcome those challenges.
  • Write! I was reading a great book on writing called Writing Down the Bones. The author said that at some point everyone needed to put the book down and start writing. Don’t worry about your writing being perfect at first. You can go back and edit. Write down your bones and then mold it like a piece of clay later.
  • Edit. Do this over and over. Use Grammarly. Ask friends to look for mistakes and     

consider hiring a professional editor. Don’t expect your publishing house to clean up a mess.

  • Choose a killer title. Your title is key because it will catch the reader’s attention. Search online for some title ideas.
  • Write a query. Your query should convince your publisher that you are a good choice as a writer. Include your book’s word count, a synopsis, why your book is unique and attractive to readers, and write a short biography to show your writing experience. Check for writer’s guidelines to know exactly what a publisher requires.
  • Search for publishers. You should not accept a contract without researching a publisher first. Not all publishers will be a good fit for you. I use several books to search for publishers. The ones I use are The Writer’s Market, The Writer’s and Artist’s Yearbook, Writer’s Handbook, and The Christian Writer’s Market.
  • Spread the word. Once your book is published you have to market it. You can do this through social media, vendor events, podcasts, book signings, and book readings.
Posted on

How to Create a Legacy of Love

Love is a powerful emotion that we all need in our lives, so shouldn’t we do what we can to preserve it in memories? One of my favorite poems, You Should Leave Houses by French author Ronsard, talks about the importance of leaving something of yourself behind. Ronsard keeps his memory alive through his writing, and I want to preserve a memory of love for my family through writing. Let me tell you how I have done it so far.

Write journals detailing your children’s life. When each of my children was born, I started a journal detailing my thoughts about the child, what each child like to do, and anything else to chronicle the life of the child. I made sure to add frequently how much I loved the child, and how proud I was to be the child’s mother. Each child was given the book on their 18th birthday. It was fun to watch each one read what I had written. My oldest daughter has continued the tradition with her son.

Letters upon leaving home. When each of my children left home, I wrote them a letter telling them how happy I was for them, and how excited I was to watch their next adventure. I also gave them a list of all the things I would miss about them living in my house. My oldest wrote a note to me with a list of what she would miss as well as promises of what we would do together still.

Letters of thanks. Gratitude is an important attitude. Anytime you can thank someone for the good the person has brought to your life I think you should do it. On my 6oth birthday, each of my children stood up at my party and read a thank you letter for me being their mom. I framed them.

Create something that shows your love. When my grandson was born I wanted to leave him something that would always remind him how much he was loved by me, so I wrote a series of books about him. The first book talks about what I hope his life is like, the second describes his bond with his grandfather, and the third talks about the special relationship he has with our dog. My husband said, “When Parker’s teacher asks the class to tell her something interesting about each student, Parker can say, there is a series written about me.”

Posted on

10 Ways to Stay Out of Your Own Way

Do you tear yourself down better than anyone else? Do you not do something that you would love to do because you are afraid of failure? If you say yes you need to know that you are not alone, and that we often are the ones who hold ourselves back, but there are some ideas to help you stay out of your own way. Here are a few that I hope will help you.

Practice an I can attitude. When I was teaching, mastery in a subject was measured with I can statements. We can do the same in life. When you start to feel your self-esteem slipping, list all the things you can do. When you put your strengths on paper you start to realize that you are stronger than you think. Believing you can do something is the first step in achieving it.

Do an energy check. Ask yourself where you are spending your energy. Are there energy drainers in your life? Are there ways to eliminate them? Are there tasks that you can delegate to others? Remember a good leader delegates and guides instead of micromanaging. Do the same thing at home. When you give some of the responsibilities to others it will free up your time to do other things you enjoy.

Slow down. I am wired to always be doing something. I have trouble sitting down and resting because I feel guilty that I am not being productive. Everywhere I look though I see that rest and sleep are key to our general health. Slow down and enjoy your moments.

Drop your mask. Are you afraid to be yourself because others might not like what they see? Being transparent will set you free. People often are more comfortable when they know you have imperfections just like they do. Being someone you are not is exhausting, and will only hold you back.

Take risks. Is there something you would like to do but you worry about judgment if you fail? Bravery doesn’t mean not being afraid. It means you did something anyway even though you are afraid.

Don’t play the comparison game. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories. Imperfection also lies right below the surface of the people you emulate. You might not want to carry that person’s burdens.

Be your best friend. Change your self-talk to be only positive, and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

Be a good listener. Most people are horrible listeners. We interrupt a speaker to insert our own story. Listening is a chance to learn, and it allows us to show empathy. Good communication means you have to listen.

Control your emotions. Releasing your emotions and expressing your feelings is important for our health, but allowing negative emotions to overwhelm us can cause issues for us. Fight frustration because it is wasted energy. Anger can cause issues. Walk away from the situation and breathe.

Movement is a must. You can choose any form of movement. Running for me is the ultimate healer. When I am running, I feel a sense of peace. I can work out problems and generate ideas.

Posted on

Cold Water Therapy

I love trying new things in my quest for being as healthy as I can. Since I’m also 66, the attempts to stay healthy are even more important.

Anyone who jumped into a cold lake as a child knows How invigorating cold water swimming can be, but as I aged I preferred warmer water for my swims.

We were watching a show recently called Outside beyond the lens and they were in Scotland. They were talking about a group of locals who were taking a morning cold water swim. They mentioned the benefits involved with cold water therapy including reducing inflammation, and increasing blood flow, metabolism, and energy.

I decided to give it a try, so in late October I was still swimming in our pool. I didn’t think I would be able to do it because I hate being cold. What I discovered though was if I went in slowly and allowed my body to adjust, it made it easier. The initial whole body plunge was the most difficult and then you have to force yourself to stay in while your body adapts. The result is the coolest feeling! You actually feel as if you are warm from the inside out. I love the feeling when I come out because my skin tingles. I do have more energy after I come out, and it helps the inflammation I sometimes have in my feet as a runner

I hope you take the plunge!

Posted on

That One Person

I have always thought that the quality of the people in your life is more important than the quantity of those around you. I have had too many situations when someone who I thought was a friend was only using me. I focus more now on surrounding myself with people who bring me peace and make me happy. I believe we all need at least one person who brings us joy in some way. It could be several individuals who fill us in different ways, but if we have one person for those different needs, it can be life changing. Here are a few instances where one person can make a difference.

The one you can always rely on.

Who is the first person you think of when you need help? Everyone needs someone who will be there in a flash, who is always the calm in the storm, and instantly knows what needs to be done. My husband is the one for our family. He knows about things I didn’t even know existed. An example is the time he was passing the refrigerator, stopped and said, “Oh, the filter needs to be changed.” Did you know there is a filter on the outside of the refrigerator that needs to be changed every six months? Go look. It’s on the bottom. Another time, we were walking through the basement when he looked up at our copper pipe and said, “We have a leak. I’ll have to solder that.” I replied, “You know how to solder?” My children and I have asked him to write a book about all the things he knows because we are convinced, we would be lost without him.

The one who makes you laugh.

This is the most important person to me because laughter is a powerful medicine. I was the person for my oldest sister. There was something about my laughter that sent her into hysterics, and within minutes she would run to the bathroom. I would start to giggle about something, and she would have a concerned look on her face, and she would say, “Jen, don’t!”

The one who makes you feel special.

When you are feeling less than your best, this is the person that tells you why you are amazing and convinces you it is true.

The one who is your voice of wisdom.

This is another important person for me because I am oversensitive, and harder on myself than anyone else. I am blessed to have several very wise people around me. I will tell one of them something hateful that someone said, and he will look at me as if I have lost my mind and say something like, “Why do you care?” I need those wise voices in my life.

The one who wraps you up in love.

We all need someone who makes it clear that we are very important to him or her. This person is grateful to be in our life, and not afraid to show us.

People can be exhausting and slightly crazy, so I hope you have at least one person in your life who is a safe place to land.

Posted on

What Do The Voices in Your Head Say?

We don’t always realize that something we say resonates with people, and sticks with them, jumping back in their mind they need it. Can you think of something that someone has said to you that you say over in your mind in certain situations?

I believe in positivity and what can happen when you send out positive energy. Some people call it manifesting, but no matter what you call it, it means that if you believe it then it can become real. I have seen it happen too many times to not think I should at least continue to give it a try.

One of the examples of using positive energy is when we pull into a packed restaurant parking lot. I immediately say, “We are going to get seated right away.”  When I first started doing this my family would laugh at me, until unusual things would happen where even though people were waiting there was a spot for us. Now, they all say it before I can. My friend Raleigh was the same way, but last week he told me, “Jen, every time we pull into a busy restaurant I hear your voice, and I say Raleigh don’t send out the negative energy, do the positive thing Jen does, and darn it Jen, it works!”

The voice we hear could be advice someone has given us. I had this happen in two different incidents recently. The first was at a race. I tend to start out too fast, and then at mile two, I’m dying. My friend said, “Go slow and steady, and save something for the end.” The whole race I used that as my mantra. I kept saying, “Slow and steady.” I had an amazing race and even cut a minute off my finishing time.

The second incident was in the dentist’s chair. I have had the same dental hygienist for years, and she knows me well. I had a lot on my mind when I came in, and she said, “I’ve been praying for you. I also have a message for you. Be still.” That was a gut punch because I do not do stillness well and I need to spend more time in quiet. I walked around the rest of the week telling myself to be still.

I love hearing that something I wrote helped someone. A friend of mine loves to run distance, but she was always signing up for the shorter distance runs. I realized she didn’t think she could do the longer runs, but I knew she could. One day, she sent me a picture with an excerpt from my book that says, “Believe you can” She sent it as she was training for her first marathon.

Sometimes the voices are negative. Those are the ones that you can’t allow to stay. Replace those with positives and see the difference it makes.