Even when I have read all the articles and books on writing, and paid attention to the veteran writers who are making it work, I still need reminders about the basics now and then. Here is a list that I am going to post in front of me in my office.
Stay organized and don’t have a zillion projects going at once. Focus on mission critical, finish that and keep moving forward.
Don’t waste time wondering if you are good enough. If you are passionate about writing you should be writing.
Observe and listen. Your next projects are all around you.
Connect with your readers.
Create a writer’s footprint. Put your writing everywhere to make it visible.
Remember the gold is in the comments of articles, so read them and see what is important to readers.
Somedays you should do something else besides writing and then you will be fresher when you come back.
Don’t forget why you write.
Ignore the haters.
Be persistent and don’t compare yourself to other writers.
Read.
Someone needs your words.
Break the rules sometimes.
Take some risks.
Prioritize my writing instead of it being the last thing I do when I’m tired and my brain is moosh.
Thank the people who support me.
Create your best work every time.
Stay open to new ideas and learning opportunities.
Do not allow anyone to limit you.
Be patient
Learn from other creators, not just writers. See what makes a creator successful and use that knowledge to help your business grow.
Join writing groups.
Be professional
Put in the work.
Be authentic.
You have to market your writing if you want a writing business.
Keep a sense of humor
These are only a few reminders of what you need to keep you on track as a writer. Add a few of your own.
When we were ready to welcome in a new dog after the death of our beautiful dog Lilly, I asked myself where I should go to look. A thought jumped into my head that said, “It will come.”
Several weeks later, I was running in our neighborhood when my neighbor Lynn stopped me. Lynn is a dog trainer, and she was on her way to pick up a border collie who had been purchased as an emotional support dog, but the owner had been injured and could no longer care for the dog. I told Lynn I would ask my husband if we could consider taking the dog. He said he would consider it, but when Lynn returned and the beautiful four-month-old collie jumped out and into my arms, I forgot we were only considering the dog. I could not imagine the learning experience ahead of me.
Here are a few things that I learned about a border collie.
· The boundless energy
I had no idea how much energy this dog would have. In the morning, he needs to run off his crazy. He shoots out the door and runs behind the neighbor’s house and within a minute, he shoots back. The first time my husband saw him do it he started to panic and I told him, “Don’t worry, he only needs to run the crazy out. He’ll be back. Denis, (our neighbor) have talked about it and he doesn’t mind.” Our neighbor Denis told me that Bandit has worn a path through the back. (they have a wooded area) I asked him if he minded and he told me he loved seeing him flash by.
We were walking him at a local park when we met a woman with an older version of Bandit. My husband asked her when this breed calmed down. She laughed and said, “Never!”
We also discovered that we need to judge when he needs to stop because he doesn’t want to miss playtime. He is also ready to go again after about ten minutes of rest.
· Anxiety
I can only talk about my dog, but I have heard from other owners that anxiety is a common trait for this breed. I am blessed to have a dog owner for a friend who has given me advice on how to calm him. If he becomes to excited when someone enters the house, I tell him calmly to go to his crate and stay, when he is finally calm I tell him to come back out. I also have a command of settle that I use at night if he needs to calm down.
· The need for a job
Border collies are bred to herd. They need to have a job to be happy. They might try to herd your family or animals, but they need a purpose, so come up with tricks and commands they can complete.
· They can be easily spooked
When Bandit first came to us, we had to teach him about his surroundings. He was terrified of the garbage cans, so I had to take him near them and let him see they were harmless. He was very jumpy at first, but as he became used to what was around him, he calmed down.
· The intelligence
I have never had a dog this smart. He is smarter than a lot of people I know. He can learn new tricks and commands very quickly. When he first came we had two cats. One was huge and was not afraid of Bandit at all. He would lick the black marking down Bandit’s nose and Bandit loved it. If Lowkey stopped, Bandit would lift his paw to nudge Lowkey’s head to do it again. I had to grab his paw around four times and tell him, “No, you will hurt him if you do that.” After that, he would nudge Lowkey with his nose.
My friend Lynn told me to talk to him because he will learn what I’m saying. I talk to him all the time and he knows 90% of what I’m telling him.
· The crate matters
I have never crated a dog before Bandit, but Lynn told me he needed a safe place where he can go if something scares him. We also need it because around bedtime we need a break too and he is not a dog who lies down very often.
· They will guard what is theirs and the neighbors
Bandit loves people unless he feels someone is threatening his territory or his people and he considers all our neighbors to be his people. He does not like delivery people, so I have to take him in whenever I see a truck coming. One day, he ran to a delivery man at the neighbor’s house!
· They love fully
There will be no doubt that you are fully loved by this dog. The minute I sit on the floor the face licking begins and then the tennis ball is retrieved so I can throw it until it feels like water torture.
· Yelling is not a good discipline technique with them
Again, I can only speak for my dog, but calm commands and discipline work the best. There have been one or two times when I yelled and then felt horrible when my dog crumpled.
· You can put the ball away
Bandit will bring you the tennis ball non-stop until you don’t ever want to see it again. One night I said to my husband, “You know, we can put the balls away. We can do what we want to do too.” The first night we put them away was magical.
· They can live with cats
We had two cats when Bandit joined our family. He tolerated one cat and adored the rotund one.
· They love sticks more than anything
Bandit lives for sticks that he enjoys whipping them into submission. We all have something that ignites our passion. Bandit’s passion is definitely sticks.
· They are fast
That flash you saw was a border collie. The neighborhood children love to see Bandit chasing his frisbie.
· They want and need to be trained
This is probably true for any dog, but teaching your dog important commands could save his life. If I have Bandit outside while I work in the yard, I have to keep an eye on him because if he sees someone or something interesting, he may bolt, but when I say, “Bandit come!” I know he is coming back to me.
I have some funny stories that happened on my way to learning more about my border collie, but I’ll tell those in another article.
A verbal barb is a nasty comment or question that is meant to hurt or demean. The people who launch these barbs usually only do it to people they think are too kind or nice to retaliate. So, what is the best way to react to these comments? As always, you have a choice but let me tell you what has worked for me.
I am often so shocked by what someone said to me that it takes me a minute to respond. It turns out that is actually a tactic that is recommended to use. Stay silent for a minute and put on the best look of disdain and disgust you can muster. Then you can choose your response which I will explain in a minute.
First, you need to realize that you do not need to tolerate a lack of respect or justify yourself at any time. I’ll give you two examples of questions I have been asked. One woman asked me both these questions within ten minutes. I had just retired several weeks before our meeting, so she said, “What do you do all day?” Because I know that when people throw verbal daggers, they don’t really want an answer, I kept my answer short and said, “I’m busier now than when I worked, but I’m free to do what I want.” Then several minutes later she asked me if my youngest daughter was an accident because there is an age gap between her and my other children. I took a deep breath and said, “She has been nothing short of a blessing, and no, she was not an accident.” Keep those answers short and move on. Mean people are looking for emotional reactions and drama, don’t let them have that pleasure.
Another way to respond is by laying out some boundaries. You can set firm boundaries by saying, “That question, comment is disrespectful and I am not going to answer it.” Comments that draw the line and let someone know how you expect to be treated are appropriate. My husband had been throwing little jabs at me because I consider my writing a business and he wants me to consider it a hobby. He said something about how I wasn’t making much money and I mentioned I had written 12 books but hadn’t figured out how to market them yet. I told him he needed to stop talking to me like that. The look of surprise on his face let me know he had heard me.
Once the initial interaction is over, let it go. Mean people love perpetuating drama and hate to be ignored, so don’t give them a second thought.
The last suggestion I would give you is to always remain calm. Your emotions will be in the way. Don’t be afraid to call someone out or question their intentions. “Why are you having this conversation with me?” Mean people like to divide and conquer so suggest you continue this conversation around someone who can be a mediator. It’s satisfying to watch a discussion that was meant to be hurtful fall apart.
Again, you have to choose how to react, but I would not drop to that person’s level to meet rudeness with rudeness. Keep telling yourself that behavior is not worth your time or energy.
What if you looked at exercise as a way to prepare your body for battle? Would it make you commit to working out more if you knew your longevity depended on it?
A local segment on the news today involved an interview with a woman who said that was her attitude after a battle with cancer. Her doctor told her if she wasn’t so fit her battle with cancer would have been much harder. The woman said that a day at the gym was much easier than chemo.
My best friend heard a similar message from his doctor after a major stroke. The doctor told him he might have died if he hadn’t been so fit.
Maybe we need to adjust the way we look at exercise. Instead of seeing it as an onerous task that we dread, maybe if we look at it as something that could save our lives, we might be more motivated to do it consistently. We tend to do things that have an instant result, but maybe if we have enough proof we might realize the benefit of taking control of our health.
I took karate classes for eight years in a full contact dojo. I often asked myself why I was doing something that hard, and the answer was always that I was preparing to defend myself and mine if that situation was ever presented to me.
We treat our health like an afterthought, but taking care of ourselves is preparing ourselves to survive tougher times. Isn’t that worth some time in the gym or working out at home?
You don’t have to run a marathon or do something that will leave you exhausted. Find an activity you enjoy that raises your heart rate, works your muscles, do it consistently, and be patient so that eventually your body will be ready to take on most battles that come your way.
As an older runner, I know I have to be more creative with my training, but occasionally the love of running takes over, I forget I am not 24 and I run too far on too many consecutive days.
Two weeks ago, I broke from my perfect plan of alternating a day of running and doing the elliptical and stair stepper in the gym because I had appointments several days in a row and going for a run every day was easier. The day before my latest kneepocalypse, I ran four beautiful miles and then walked four. There wasn’t any pain until the next morning when my right knee was swollen so bad that a sack of fluid was sticking out to the side and every once in a while, I had shooting pain up the side.
My orthopedist confirmed it was a case of overusing arthritic knees. I have known I had arthritis since my MRI for a torn meniscus, but I haven’t had any issues with it except now I do, so I am on a mission to soothe the inflammation in my knees, and I want to do my best to do it with natural remedies. I’m sure I am not the only one dealing with this, so I would like to share what I am trying right now.
Strengthening the muscles around the knee.
If I am going to continue to run, I have to strengthen the muscles around my knees to give them the support they need. Here are a few things I am doing to accomplish this.
· I am riding my bike more to strengthen my leg muscles.
· Doing the elliptical and the stair master does not bother my knees, so I am using them to do low impact cardio.
· I am doing exercises in the pool.
· I am doing leg extensions/leg press/ lunges/squats
· Strength training
Reducing inflammation
· I found a salve from Dazzle Mountain Apiaries called Kinda Dandy Skin Salve. It has lavender oil, Lemongrass oil, Eucalyptus oil, and Shea butter. It feels amazing and I am hoping it will help reduce inflammation.
· I drink 8 oz of tart cherry juice every morning.
· I drink green tea.
· I eat berries and cucumbers that both have anti-inflammatory properties.
· I am icing it frequently.
· I wear a compression sleeve that goes from my ankle to above the knee.
· I take baths with baking soda and Epsom salts.
I have been told I can walk distance in two weeks which is in time for a local 5K and I have to wait a month to run which is in time for my ultra that my orthopedist says I will be walking. I have both events marked in green. I would love to hear any remedies that have worked for others.
When you have one of those hard days do you wish someone could give you those words you need to hear to lift you up and motivate you? Sometimes it happens through a kind word, or an inspirational thought posted somewhere. It happened to me this morning when I woke up. My Garmin watch tells me my sleep score and body battery and then it either says, “Time to get going!”, or “Make today great.” Today the message was, “Believe in yourself.” It made me smile because the last few days I have been hard on myself. The watch message was what I needed, and it made me think that words can be like a warm hug and we could all use more of that, so here aew a few words I hope you might need.
A challenge is a reason to become stronger.
Even though you might deny this, you are someone’s hero, inspiration, safe haven, and maybe even a lifeline. Those people need you to stay strong.
It’s only failure if you don’t learn from it.
You are never too old or too young to do what you love as long as it’s legal.
You don’t need to solve other’s problems.
Boundaries will save your sanity. Demand respect.
You are stronger than you think.
Don’t ever give up. Something amazing might be about to happen.
The perfect timing might not be your timing. Patience is important.
Quality tops quantity with friends. One good one is better than 10 false ones.
Someone you haven’t met yet might need your light.
If you knew you had only one more day, how would you spend it and with whom? Here is a description of mine.
If I had one more day, I would spend it with you, and we would do all the things we love. Would we wake early and watch the neighborhood wake up and see the light shine through the trees or would we snuggle under the cocoon of the covers?
We can take steaming cups of coffee out on the porch and listen to everything around us without talking because we can be content in silence.
We would go to our favorite breakfast place where everyone knows us and is happy to see us. We would eat cinnamon cream cheese pancakes and a plate full of crispy bacon. You would listen intently as I told you all my thoughts and I would listen to yours. Neither of us would interrupt the other or try to interject our story. We would just enjoy listening to each other.
We would go back home and sit on the porch as a gentle thunderstorm blew through. We would listen to the rain falling and enjoy the peace. We would both grab our favorite books and read for an hour in the hammock.
When it was time for lunch, we would make grilled cheese and soup and eat it while we watched our favorite movie. We would both fall asleep to the rain hitting the roof as we cuddled under the blankets with the cats.
When we woke, it would be time for dinner, so we would make pizza, have some wine, turn on the type of music that makes you move, and sing as loud as we could as we did crazy dance moves around the kitchen.
The rain would clear, and the sun would cast beautiful rays in the yard behind us. As the sun set and night crept in, we would watch the fireflies and share all the memories we made, and the love we had shared. We both agreed we had lives well-lived. I turned off the light and said goodbye to my last day and the person I wish I had met.
The Importance of Treating My Writing as a Business
I was reading an article by one of my favorite writers, Mark Thomson, and as usual what he wrote helped me realize I needed to make some changes. He was writing about organizing all your wandering thoughts and developing a writing routine. Here is how those simple concepts made a difference for me.
I need to prioritize my projects.
I tend to work on too many things at once and my thoughts are all over the place, so I took a whiteboard and wrote down everything I was working on for fun as well as the projects I needed to complete for someone else. Having everything in front of me in one place made what I needed to do clearer, and it motivated me. The next thing I did was prioritize what needed to be done and swore I wouldn’t come up with a new project until I had finished a few others.
I have to pay more attention to details.
When I wrote down all the projects, I realized that I had let many of the small but important details of my business go. I use linktr.ee to display all the books and spots that readers can find me, but I haven’t updated it since three books ago. This is definitely not okay since the QR code is on the back of my business card and I want my customers at the craft market where I vend to see my updated information. I write blogs for two magazines and realized I hadn’t turned anything in this month.
I need to be more patient.
I have a wonderful publisher, but it is a small press, so it often takes quite a while to have books published. I have one in the publishing queue and another that my publisher promised to look at in February. I was ready to self-publish both, but there are some drawbacks to self-publishing. Bookstores can be reticent to carrying self-published books, and I like the support I receive from a traditional publisher.
I have to eliminate distractions
When my family sees me sitting at my desk, they decide it will be a great time to come to ask me a zillion questions, or just to chat. I distract myself as well. I will be working on a project and suddenly think of something else and before you know it my focus has been derailed.
I need to work harder on marketing.
My creative friends are always telling me to make more videos to put myself in front of people, but it seems like whenever I start a video the dog starts barking, a hornet flies in my face, or some other digital disaster occurs.
For now, I have my whiteboard full of my projects and priorities, so I am ready to go!
I had wonderful parents and I am grateful for everything they did for me. They both worked hard to provide for our family and although we did not have a lot financially, we never lacked anything we really needed. Here are a few of the many things they taught me.
A strong work ethic
I worked for my dad during college, and I can still hear him telling me there is never an excuse for standing around. There is always something else you can do.
My dad worked harder than anyone I know and he did it all with an artificial leg, but I never heard him complain except to tell me he hoped I wasn’t embarrassed by it. I hope he knew how proud I was of him. He dropped out of school in the 9th grade to help his mom and he is still one of the wisest people I have ever known. He understood what was important in life, and he was determined to give his family a good life.
Kindness
Both my parents believed in the importance of helping others. My mother was involved with service at the church, and my father was always helping people through his business. They treated everyone with kindness and respect.
Don’t judge
My parents told me not to judge others because you never know what type of burden they might be carrying. Treat others with understanding and try to lighten the load if you could.
Wealth isn’t always about money
We never had much money, but I never noticed it. There was always food on the table and since my parents were master gardeners we saved money by growing a lot of our own food and canning some for the winter. We also made our own bread.
Everyone needs community
My parents knew how important community is for our well-being. My mom had her church community, our extended family and neighbors, and dad had his interactions from work.
Family is important
I grew up around many cousins, aunts and uncles. Our extended family visited often, and I came to love the chaos of a group of families laughing and talking. Family takes care of each other.
Holidays and birthdays are never just another day
A birthday is a celebration of life and holidays are a chance to make memories and come together as a family. My mother loved family gatherings. She never sat down because she was moving between people making sure everyone had enough to eat and drink. She loved being around large groups of people.
Food is love
My mom loved to cook for everyone. Food was a way for her to show you that you were loved.
Use your resources
Although there might not have been much money, my parents did things to save. We had two huge gardens full of vegetables. My dad took a night job at the local market and was allowed to bring home food that was several days old. My mom sewed clothes and took a job to send me to a good school.
Know how important laughter is
There was always laughter in my house. My parents were lighthearted and they knew that laughter was great medicine. Even the difficult days are easier if you can laugh at them.
Two years ago, I started vending my books at the local artisan’s market and I realized how important making connections is to my writing.
I pay fifty dollars each week that I vend and there is time and effort necessary for setting up the space and preparing for customers. After watching me working hard and putting my introvert self out there while not exactly killing it financially my husband said, “What is your goal with this, because you are barely getting back the money you are putting into this, and you are interacting hard with the public for five hours.” I replied, “Baby, the money is not the point. I would love to sell lots of books every week, but the connections I make every week are more important. I can put my name and my writing out there, interact with people, build trust, hand out my card, and hopefully help some people.” After several weeks, he looked at me while we were packing up and said, “I understand why you are doing this now, and I think what you are doing is wonderful.” You have no idea how much that meant to me. Let me tell you about some of the connections I have experienced.
I hand out colorful butterfly stickers to the children. They are beautiful stickers that are only $5 a packet from Amazon and I will gladly pay that to see the smiles on the children’s faces. I have some children who come running to my booth because they know the butterflies are there. It lifts the spirits of the parents because of the kindness I extend to their children. There are not too many free things anymore.
I have a big bag of dog treats to pass out as well. The treats and the butterflies help me to start conversations with people who might have otherwise walked by but who might want someone to chat with for a moment.
My books are a conduit to connection. I can talk about mental health because of my books on that subject. I have had several people who needed to share what they were going through and although I might not have all the answers, I can always listen, and many people need to hear some encouragement.
I leave my business card on the center of the table and on the back there is a qr code that takes them to all my writing. Every card I hand out is possibly an important connection. https://linktr.ee/bonnga
When I make each connection there is always a chance that a door to book selling success is going to fly open. At one market, a man was telling me he was the representative for the Marley family’s stores. I don’t think I had enough coffee that morning because it took me a hot minute to realize he was talking about Bob Marley’s family. I mean, what??!! He was considering putting some of my books in the store, but he never reached back out to me. Another morning, a man was looking at my running book and he told me he was a cross-country coach, and he might consider buying the book for each of his sixty runners. I never heard from him again, but I still hope that there will be some extraordinary connections.
The connections I make through vending help me make my writing come alive to help others.
Jennifer’s writing 