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Parker Series
101 tips
Kaitlyn
Travel to France
Healing power of running
Help for Hard Days
A Hidden Treasure
Page 2 of 7
What You Can Refuse to Accept
What You Can Refuse to Accept
I often receive wakeup calls from conversations with friends, and the wisdom I walk away with is always so simple and strong that I shake my head and wonder why I didn’t think of it on my own.
One of these conversations was with a friend when I was complaining about my sore knees. She said, “You can refuse to accept a lot of the negativity that comes into your life.” She told me if she starts feeling tired or a little unwell, she refuses to accept it and starts to power up with positivity. She speaks strength into her situation by refusing to complain about anything. Instead of having a pity party, she counts her blessings and expresses gratitude. She knows the power that the mind has over the body, and this works in her life.
I thought about what she said, but then I was distracted by preparing for an ultramarathon which is running/walking at least more than a marathon. I wrapped my knees up and told myself I would have to walk the whole race because of my knees, but then the message my friend had given me was communicated to me in a slightly different way through a woman I met at the race, and this time I heard both messages loud and clear.
The woman at the race was walking/running a minute each. She asked me what was wrong with my knees and I told her I had strained them. I discovered quickly that this woman thought nothing was impossible. She said, “C’mon. Run/walk with me and if your knee hurts you can stop.” I started running/walking and was surprised that it didn’t hurt. I was making excuses instead of finding plan b to be able to continue to run. I had the choice to refuse to be sidelined.
The first thing I would say is to refuse to be limited unless something will hurt your health. We give up too easily on ourselves when many times we have to do a hard reset and do something different. As well as moaning about my knees, I had blamed my spare tire around my middle on menopause and although that has something to do with it, the real culprit was not sweating with some efficient cardio. I had been walking to save my knees, and my pulse rate wasn’t in the let’s burn some fat area. I have devised a plan to run three days a week and do other cardio machines at the gym on the other days.
There are many other things you can choose to refuse that will make you happier mentally. Here are a few.
Refuse to accept other people’s opinions of you. No matter how stupendous you are, there will be people who judge you. When you can be content with who you are, you have all the power and nothing anyone else says about you matters.
Refuse to accept disrespect. When someone continually interrupts you, finishes your sentence with something you were not going to say, doesn’t listen to you, is impolite, or treats you badly in any other form, let that person know that behavior is unacceptable.
Refuse to accept negativity. We all know at least one person who thinks everything and everyone is a burden. Any positive thought is shot down and replaced with the negative. Do your best to limit time with people like that and find the positive in situations.
Refuse bad energy. Bad energy happens when you make excuses instead of finding ways to move forward and live an active, happy life. Don’t sit around and commiserate about setbacks and struggles. Talk about what your goals are and what you are excited about doing in the future.
Refuse to be underestimated. The fastest way to light a fire under my motivation is to tell me I’m not capable of doing something. I will be hyper focused on proving that person wrong.
Refuse to accept not being appreciated. I love to help others and I don’t need anything in return, but I always appreciate a thank you. What I don’t like is when someone takes advantage of my willingness to help. That’s when I have to have a conversation.
I hope these helped you realize that we don’t have to accept everything that comes our way. We have choices sometimes about what kind of energy we allow into our lives.
What Can You Fix?
One of the reasons I love vending my books at the local craft market is my books become a conduit to deep conversations. Someone will begin asking about my books and then they work the conversation around to their struggle and their story. Sometimes I can help them by gifting a book, or just listening, but recently, a woman helped me when she described an action plan she made to help herself in her situation.
She told me her husband had just been diagnosed with dementia. His brother also had it and she cared for him until he died two years ago. She said she was overwhelmed when she thought of her future taking care of her husband. She told me she decided she needed to start taking care of herself more, so she made a list of everything in her life that was weighing on her and she picked out the things she could fix and made a plan on how to do it. She decided she was going to ask for help for those things she couldn’t fix and she was going to stop worrying about them. She was going to prioritize herself more and she knew if she took better care of herself, she could take better care of others.
Her plan resonated with me because I am a worrier even though I know worry is wasted energy. How many of us , care of everyone else before we take care of ourselves? Self-care is not selfish, it’s important for our health.
I thought a lot about our conversation after she left. We all carry burdens of some kind, but we have a choice about how we handle it. We can ask for help, make a plan, and whatever we choose to do we need to make sure we don’t lose ourselves in the process.
A Perfect Vacation
What would make a vacation special for you? A perfect vacation for me would be near water with good food, a peaceful location, and special family moments. We are only day two into our most recent family vacation and it is quickly shaping up to be my favorite.
Several months ago, we saw a program with Samantha Brown where she spoke about going to Naples, Florida. After watching it my husband and I both agreed we would like to take a vacation there. We were talking about it with my youngest daughter and her fiancé, and they both said they would love to come, so she and my husband started to look for places to stay and they found a house on the canal that has a private pool, and a dock with kayaks. All of that had us excited, but we had no idea how much fun we would have.
It took us nine hours to arrive at the house, but we broke it up with breakfast at McDonalds, a gas stop at Buckee’s, and lunch at Burger King. After lunch we all agreed we had to have vegetables for dinner.
We arrived at the house around 6 and wandered around the house murmuring, “Oh, wow!” We had dinner at a Louisiana grill and then came back to the house for some night swimming. When we came out on the porch all the lanterns around the pool were on and there were lights everywhere twinkling in the canal. My daughter said she had missed swimming and her fiancé was having a blast.
The next morning, I went down to the rocking chair on the dock, watched the fish jump and took in the peace and quiet around me. I have always been drawn to water and being able to start my day like this was wonderful. My husband appeared with a coffee from McDonalds and joined me as we did nothing for a few minutes, then it was off to breakfast.
After breakfast we went to Walmart to buy fishing poles to fish in the canal. My daughter has wanted my husband to teach her to fish for years, but something always got in the way until this vacation while I watched him teach her the fundamentals and patiently help her figure it out.
I’m sitting here writing, a warm breeze is blowing, we are heading out for a seafood dinner soon and then we are back for night swimming. Sounds perfect to me.
How Silence Can Help You
How Silence Can Help You
Most people are uncomfortable with silence. They rush to fill the void that silence can create, but silence can also help you in several different ways.
If you want someone to talk more, you need to talk less. Ask a question and then listen. When the person is finished, don’t respond right away. Let silence hang in the air. Most people will continue to speak. I used to run a smoking cessation program at a high school. If a student was caught smoking, the student had to come to our meeting and begin our program. We were speaking with a boy asking him how much he smoked. Here is the conversation.
Smoker: “I don’t need help; I don’t have a problem. I don’t smoke much. I only smoke a pack a day. I can stop if I need to. I don’t think I have a problem. Do I have a problem? Can you help me?”
“Yes, we can.”
“I need help.”
Sometimes you need to allow someone to walk through the problem on their own. You need to step out of the way.
Silence can help you learn. We tend to want to interrupt a speaker to share our story, but listening completely can teach us valuable information. We can learn more about each other as well as learning about what someone is teaching us.
When we rest in silence, our mind can clear, our anxiety calms, our distractions disappear, and we have a chance to reflect and focus. When we are silent, we can be more creative. I come up with the best Ideas when I am out running by myself.
Silence can be a weapon. When my class became too noisy I never raised my voice, I just stopped talking and gave them that look that said I expect better from them. I was blessed that it always worked.
Use silence to find out more about the people around you, and use it as a mental health tool.
What Do You Have to Do to Be a Writer?
Since I have been vending my books at the local artisan market I hear this question almost every week. Here are some of the comments I hear.
“I have an idea for a book, but I’m not sure it’s good enough.”
“I started to write a children’s book, but I don’t know where to go from here.”
“I would like to be a writer, but where do I start?”
“What if I spend all that time, but fail at being a writer?”
“I have written a whole series, but no one would want to read it.”
“You don’t make any money being a writer.”
All of these comments and questions have something in common. They are all based in fear. You might be afraid of judgment, or failure, but that fear is holding you back from your dream, your passion, and a great form of expression and escape.
So, the answer to the question what do you have to do to be a writer is you have to be fearless and you have to start writing. Stop worrying about the haters and the possible negatives and start switching your thoughts. Instead of saying, “What if I fail?” switch it to, “What if I succeed?” Instead of saying, “No one will read this.” Switch it to, “Maybe this could help someone.”
Don’t overthink it. I have a friend who has been telling me for three years that he was going to write a book. Today he told me he had three notebooks with notes and outlines. It’s a great idea to have a plan, but at some point, you have to end the preparation and implement the plan. You have to write.
Do you want to be a writer? Sit down and write then keep doing it until it becomes a habit and eventually you will realize that to be a successful writer you now have to add consistency and hard work, so what are you waiting for? Go write. The world might need your words.
What Happened When I Didn’t Use an Outline for My Book. How not having a plan can work sometimes.
One of the writing rules I hear often is a writer should have a plan before writing. This is a great idea because if the writer knows what comes next everything may flow better. I have found though that breaking a writing rule here and there can be magical. Let me explain by telling you about the book I am writing.
I want to continue to write different types of books and step out of my comfort zone so I can grow as a writer. I decided to write a middle grade reader, and I wanted it to be slightly biographical because my middle school years were rough. I wanted to use my experiences to talk about struggling with fitting in and finding an identity. I had a general idea of what I wanted to do in the book, but I had not written an outline or a plan. I had no idea that the book would write itself and I continue to be amazed at the paths it is taking me down.
The story takes place in the town where I grew up. Until I started writing this story I didn’t think about all the complexities within this small town. I knew I wanted to talk about the social division and what it is like for a young girl to be in a private school setting when her social status is drastically different from the other students, but suddenly I was writing about the spiritual importance because of the link with the Indian tribe that was present there.
The main character loves going to the local library that looks more like a stone castle than a library. She finds an escape in reading just as I did, and she learns more about herself through the kind librarian and what lives in the creepy basement.
There are some days that I wish I had a clear plan because nothing is coming to my mind, but there are other days when hours go by as new ideas consume me. This book is taking me longer than normal, but the twists and turns of the journey are fascinating.
Dealing with Challenges as a Writer
Challenges come in many forms, they can be financial, mental, or involve support. My two biggest challenges are mental and support based. I never think what I have written is good enough, so I often become stuck in the middle of a piece while I ask myself, “What’s the point in spending all this time if no one will like it?” What you must realize though is how powerful words are and the words you are writing might be what someone needs. What if you change everything for someone because of what you have written? You never know if you do not try. I remember when I was teaching, I had a student who always worked so hard. The class turned in a weekly journal, and once I wrote how proud I was of her and how much I admired her work ethic. I did not think anything else about it until the day the girl graduated and she came to find me after the ceremony. She said, “I wanted to tell you how much those words meant to me. I was struggling and you made me feel special.” So, you never know if your writing will stink or make a difference, but you should do it anyway.
A lack of support from family is a challenge for me. No one in my family enjoys any of my passions. I have always loved to run, but the rest of my family says the only time they will run is if something is chasing them. While I have a library in my bedroom and a stack of books I am currently reading, no one in my family is a reader. I read to my children when they were little and gifted them books until my oldest told me she didn’t want any more books. I know they have to find their own passions, but I would love to be able to talk to them about my writing without seeing their eyes glaze over. I am blessed that I have found support with several friends who are always there for me as well as the support I receive from my publisher and the writing groups I have joined.
My financial status can be a challenge since I do not yet make a windfall with my writing. My expenses include paying for the illustrator for each children’s book, paying for each market when I vend my books, and paying to have personal copies of my books printed. I know that I will find a way to make my writing more profitable eventually, but it can be frustrating when I want to start a new project, but I cannot afford to see it through.
See failure as a chance to grow, not a reason to stop. Failure is never much fun, but most of the time it is a great teacher. Instead of being frustrated because you were not successful the first time, regroup and use the failure to be better.
Keep a sense of humor. This is important in anything you do. When you start to feel like everything is going wrong, you have a choice to have a pity party or see the humorous side of your situation and start to figure out plan B. Plan B is more productive. Laughter can make most things seem better. One of my rejection letters from an editor started very sweetly, telling me she had enjoyed my article, and there were some great aspects to it, but then something snapped, and she started to rant about how I needed to experience the school of hard knocks before I found success, success wasn’t just handed to everybody, and it continued from there. I imagined an overworked editor who was trying to be encouraging to a writer, and then she snapped and needed to vent. I used that e-mail to not take rejections too seriously.
Don’t take rejections personally. As a writer, you will receive countless rejections, and sometimes they sting. You will have rejections that offer constructive criticism and others that are not kind. Remember that the rejection is one person’s opinion.
Know your worth. Your writing could change someone’s life. Remember that when others do not support your writing or try to quiet your voice. You do not have to write for free unless you want to, and you should not hesitate to ask a fair price for your work.
Regroup-reflect-reset. Every writer has moments when she feels like what she is doing is not working or that your writing needs a refresh. Instead of feeling frustrated, take some time to reconsider your approach and brainstorm some different ideas. Doing something different can boost your motivation.
Try is a failure verb. The editor for my first book gave me pure wisdom when he told me to stop using the verb try. He said, “Jen, try is a failure verb. It is weak. Use strong verbs.
Seclude yourself from time to time. We all occasionally find ourselves pulled in a million different directions. Everyone wants our time and energy, so we often need to claim our private time and to do that you might have to go somewhere like a library or a coffee house to hide. Let someone know you will return soon.
The Basics of Marketing Your Writing
You can write great material, but if no one knows about it, you cannot move forward. You want to do your best to be noticed. Put your writing in as many places as possible. If you are writing books, go to book signings, vend at craft markets, do readings at the library, and ask your local media to advertise your books. Create a blog and build a following and create videos about your writing. Keep putting yourself in front of people.
Learn to use an e-mail list. The more people you can tell about your writing, the better. If you use Word Press it will generate a subscriber list. I also write online with Medium which also gives me a subscriber e-mail list. Have a book giveaway where people can enter with their e-mail. Take business cards from new contacts and add their e-mails to your list.
Know the power of connections and contacts. You never know when you are going to meet someone who can help promote your writing. I met a cross-country coach who considered buying a copy of my book The Healing Power of Running for each of his runners. You need to put yourself out there to make these connections and contacts. Go to bookstores for meet and greets, vend at craft shows, go to writers’ conventions and retreats, and send out regular newsletters.
Hand out business cards, bookmarks, and anything else with your contact information. Give potential readers a way to find you again.
Include a link to your website whenever you can. You want your readers to return to the source so they will see more of your writing and hopefully purchase some of your work. Add your link whenever you can.
Making videos I do at least one video about my books or writing in general every week because I want to put myself and my books in front of my audience as often as possible. The videos that have done the best are the ones when everything went wrong, so do not worry about your video being perfect. During one video, I was out on the porch when a jet passed by low and loudly, then after that the hummingbirds were not happy that I was near there feeder, so they started dive bombing me. I laughed and kept going. People like to see you being human.
Newsletters. You want to take every chance you can to show people your work, and newsletters are a fantastic way to do it. Use beautiful colors and images and talk about what is new with your writing and what your readers can expect. Include links to books or writing platforms. I use Canva to make newsletters and my blog has a feature to send it to my subscribers.
Have a pitch. There is a vendor at our local craft market who writes and illustrates comics. I have never seen anyone with such a vivid imagination, but last week I also realized he is a genius at marketing his work. He told me he watches the eyes of people passing by his booth. If he sees interest he begins his pitch. He introduces himself and describes what he does. I watched him all morning and every time he used his pitch, he drew people in to look closer at what he was doing and almost every person purchased something. He was able to convince people to approach him by making it less awkward. Your pitch could also be a description of your book. A woman picked up my romance and asked me what it was about. I froze and could not think of a way to sum up the book, but I guarantee that will not happen again!
Tell your story. People want to know the story behind what you have written, or why you wrote it. Last weekend, a woman picked up my book, Help for The Hard Days, and I told her I wrote it for my friend who was struggling with mental health. She bought it and told me she wanted to help her friend who was also struggling.
Where Can I Publish?
I have mentioned in other articles about the importance of creating a writer’s footprint. You want to have so much of your writing published that publishers and editors can easily find you. My daughter came to me one day and said, “Mom, I googled your name, and you came up in the news.” I had written over eighty articles for our local paper, so those articles came up when she searched for my name.
When you first start writing look at all the options available for publication. You can write for your local media, magazines, local businesses, and online publications. Where you publish will also depend on what you write, but here are a few ideas.
Literary magazines and journals. The New Yorker, Ploughshares, The Paris Review, The Sun Magazine, Rattle, Barren Magazine, Flash Fiction online.
Here are some databases to find calls for submissions. Submittable Discover, Duotrope, The Submission Grinder.
Online communities and small presses. Vocal, Medium, Reedsy, Prompts. Press fifty-three, Graywolf Press, Tin House Books.
Essays, articles. Medium, Substack, Vocal Media.
Self-publishing. Amazon KDP, Ingram Spark, Draft2Digital
Blogging. WordPress, Ghost, Substack, Medium
Social platforms. Threads, Bluesky, X, Instagram, and Linkedin.
Starting a blog allows you the chance to publish as much and as often as you want. I use WordPress, and I also publish on Medium and Substack. On WordPress and Medium, I can build a subscriber list that allows me to send monthly newsletters. Here are some important points about blogging.
· Make your posts useful, well-written, and authentic.
· Use a mixture of formats: how-to guides, listicles, personal stories, interviews, or reviews.
· Use catchy titles to draw reader’s attention.
· Find attractive pictures.
· Make your site easy to navigate.
· Post consistently.
· Reply to comments and emails.
· Build a sense of community.
· Share your blog posts on other platforms.
· Be patient. Building an audience takes time.
Join social media writing groups then interact and make your presence known.
There are several books that will help you find publishers. Here are a few.
Writer’s Market Children’s Writer’s and Illustrators Market
The Christian Writer’s Market Guide
There are different types of publishers. A traditional publisher will not ask for any money unless they are print on demand, and they may pay for your writing. A vanity press will publish your book for a price. Most writers steer clear of the vanity press experience. You can also self-publish, but know that traditional publishing is often more respected.
Good luck and don’t give up!
Jennifer’s writing 