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The Key Element for The Success of Anything

My daughter runs a very successful online business. She worked very hard to be in her current situation. She let other people’s doubts of her fuel her motivation, she put in countless hours learning what would work and what was important, and she watched the people who had made it to where she wanted to be. None of it was easy. Even now, there are challenges like the haters every time she does a video. She told me that people criticize her voice and her looks. She has learned to ignore the empty noise.

She told me certain questions about her success bother her, and I understood what she meant. She told me she hates it when someone asks her what the secret to her success is. She believes anyone who asks that question wants to know what the secret pill is to have instant success. She said, “Mom, there isn’t a secret sauce. You have to show up and put in the work. You have to be patient and constantly learn and be better. The people who ask that question don’t want to work hard, they just want to reap the benefits.”

There is a difference between someone who wants an easy answer for success and someone who is willing to do the work but needs some guidance and mentoring. I speak with many people who want to be more serious about writing, but they are not sure how to begin. I love helping people who are excited about writing and are grateful for someone who can offer some resources.

Showing up and putting in hard work consistently is the key to success in any area. I was listening to an interview with Wynona Judd today. The interviewer asked her how she prepared for a tour. She said she showed up and put in the work every day. I have heard that from so many entertainers. When someone is enjoying success and labeled as a new artist that person often mentions they have been working at the craft for years.  

When you are discouraged because you aren’t finding the success you hoped for, ask yourself what you need to do differently. Do you need to invest more time or resources? Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep moving forward and trying new things.

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Success Beyond the Numbers

Success Beyond the Numbers

Do you measure success in your life by numbers, or is there something more or equally important? Think of all the times we look at a number to determine how we are doing. We might be concerned with how many social media followers we have, how much money we are making, and how much engagement we see connected to our work.

As a writer, it’s important for me to have followers and subscribers. I need to have an online presence, and several publishers have asked for it, engaging with my readers is crucial do increase those numbers, and writing without engagement is not enough.

When I taught Advanced Placement French, there was always pressure to have a high pass rate, but I have always thought the special moments that class offered were as important as the final grade. The experience can be the important part.

The experience and my reader’s reactions are how I measure my success. It means so much to me when someone takes the time to tell me she liked the book, and several readers have sent me videos that show children listening to or reading the children’s series.

When my numbers our down, I focus on whether I am helping someone with my writing or making them feel something. Two of my books do this the most. I have a children’s book called, What I Hope for You. The theme is the hope of a parent that a child can maintain a joy of life and see the beauty instead of only feeling the burdens. I vend at a local market, and I have had women who start crying while they read the book. I am so touched that the book resonated with them.  

The second book is a self-help called 101 Tips to Lighten Your burden. I was wandering through the farmer’s market that is next to the art market. I stopped at a stand to buy flowers and told the woman and her daughter that I was vending books next door, so they started asking me about my books. When I told them about this book, the daughter said, “I probably need that.” Her mom encouraged her to come with me to look at it. She opened it, but told me she didn’t have any money, so I gifted it to her. She teared up and gave me a bear hug. I watched her walk back, sit down and start reading. Giving her something that might lift her up was more important to me than a sale.

I would love more followers, subscribers, and more sales, but the connections with readers will always be my sign of success. What about you? What’s your definition of success?

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What I Know So Far

What I Know So Far

Living for six decades teaches you about life, people, and perspectives. Not all the lessons are fun, but those are often the situations that teach us the most. Here are a few things I have learned so far.

You can accomplish almost anything with hard work and determination. I took karate for six years. It was in a full contact dojo which was often terrifying and sometimes painful. I believed I was going to fail before I started. I often let frustration overwhelm me, but gradually I learned that if I practiced something enough and asked questions, my body would take over with muscle memory. It was empowering to know I could do almost anything if I had the right attitude and the determination to do it.

Your attitude is your superpower or your kryptonite. You have the power to choose how you react to something. Your actions and reactions have energy. When you send out that energy you can influence things. You can also be a positive example to others. Negativity, on the other hand, can suck the life out of you. When negativity sneaks into your thoughts, change those thoughts into positive ones.

There are places you shouldn’t go. It doesn’t matter what your beliefs about spirituality are, if there is enough evidence that a place is evil, you should stay away. There is a lake near us called Lake Lanier that was formed by flooding a town. I could understand a few water related deaths, but the death toll for Lake Lanier is not only high, but it comes with odd circumstances. The most recent death that I know of was a man who took his kayak out on the lake. He was training for a triathlon. They found his kayak and then recovered his body several days later. They did an interview with a police officer who told the story of a woman they rescued after she fell off a boat. She said it felt like she was swimming through molasses, and she was a lifeguard.

There was a show talking about evil places and they mentioned a forest in Japan where people talk about feeling incredibly sad when they were in there. There is a high suicide rate there.

Ten people could have 10 different perceptions about the same situation. I was at a faculty meeting where the school head proposed a significant change in procedure. When we left several faculty members came to me to tell me their opinion. The first was excited about the change, the second was confused and asked for clarification, the third was angry and couldn’t understand how the head could propose this. Others came in through the day all with different perceptions of the same topic. Don’t expect everyone to jump on board with an idea because everyone is coming from different mindsets.   

Slower is better. I spent the first 25 years of my career running around in a frenzy. I was stressed out, doing too much, saying no too little, and no one was getting the best of me. I wish I could tell you that I no longer do that, but I am wired to move and do. I am trying to slow down though because I know the benefits. Going slower helps you both physically and mentally. It helps you be more present for the people you love, and you can take more time to rest and recharge. If you are moving too fast you miss a lot of the important things in life.

We need more kindness. Everyone is dealing with a burden or two and sometimes they are heavier than usual. A smile, a kind word, a compliment, or a kind act could lift someone up when she needs it the most.

Staying calm can change the situation. People are good at stirring the emotional pot, but you can choose to guard your peace and stay calm. When someone becomes angry, don’t escalate the situation by meeting that emotion. Continue to speak calmly or end the conversation and tell that person you can talk again when he has calmed down. It takes at least two people to have drama so refuse to be part of the group.

My husband and I have very different political views and for some reason he becomes angry every time I bring a topic up to discuss. When I remain calm, I watch him dial down the emotions gradually until he realizes I want a discussion, and I am not trying to attack his opinion.

Comparisons don’t make sense. The next time you compare yourself with someone, ask yourself if you are ready to also take on the mess you don’t see. Everyone has a messy corner, some are only better at hiding it. Fame and money do not guarantee happiness, so be thankful for the blessings you have as well as the burdens you don’t.

Worry is wasted energy. Worry is another word for stress. What if what you worrying about never happens? Stress doesn’t do anyone any good, so manifest some positive outcomes instead.

Be transparent about who you are. Trying to be someone other than yourself is exhausting and people are going to judge you no matter what you do, so do your thing. Being transparent makes the people around you more comfortable too.

You should follow your passion. When I started writing full-time my family did not provide much support. I don’t think they realized how important it was to me. I knew it was something I wanted to do, so I carry on without their interest.

Travel if you can. I know not everyone has enough money in the budget to travel, but if you do I hope you will go to as many places as possible. Travel opens you up to new experiences and perceptions. It is a great learning experience.

Create your space and draw boundaries. Even your family members can treat you as smaller than you are, and it often only takes you describing your boundaries to straighten out the situation. I applied for a business license and was doing a few other things to treat my writing as a business when my husband said this to me. (Imagine the sneer and condescending tone.)

“You’re doing all these things and calling this a business, but you aren’t making a profit.”

I have learned when I am angry enough that I want to inflict physical harm, the best thing for me to do is take some time to think it through and collect my thoughts, so at the time all I said was, “I’m only trying to do what I’m supposed to do to legally sell my books.”

The next day, I entered the kitchen and said, “I need to tell you how what you said last night made me feel. I have already written and published six books with two more at the publisher. I haven’t figured out how to market them yet, but I need you to give me a chance and stop saying shit like you did last night.”

He apologized and has been much more supportive. People will treat you the way you let them, so stand up for what you want.

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Everyone is Watching

Do you often feel invisible, thinking that no one really notices what you say or do? What if I told you that you are wrong, that everyone is watching and you have the power to influence others and potentially make a huge difference?

When I was a teacher mentor, I told the new teachers they needed to realize their students were always watching them and listening to what they said. Unfortunately, what they heard was rarely the material being taught. They were listening to your opinions, your values, and your attitude.

The same is true of the people you interact with every day. The way you react to situations could have a domino effect. Let’s say life throws you a curve ball and instead of allowing the challenge to crush you, you rise up to meet it calmly and bravely and figure out a way to break through whatever the issue is. You might not realize it, but you can save someone else who is also struggling by the way you react. Someone might say, “Well look at the way she handled it. She refuses to let it stop her. She is going to keep moving forward. I can do it if she can.” You can be an inspiration for others. It also helps you to stay strong when you realize you can help others with your actions.

Have you ever done an act of kindness and watched the ripple effect when others follow your example? Do something simple like holding a door for someone or saying thank you and watch what happens. It’s almost as if people need to be reminded sometimes. Show them how a good human should act.

Your attitude can change people. Do you see life as a burden or blessing? Are you positive or negative? I know the power of positivity and instead of convincing others that it works, I show them. My best friend and family are still amazed when I speak something into existence. We have gone to restaurants numerous times when the parking lot and the lobby have been packed. I say, “We are going to get right in and be seated.” We walk in and every time they somehow have a table for us. I love hearing someone say, “How did that happen?” The best part is they now all do it too.

Your words are powerful, and you never know when they are exactly what someone needs to hear at an important moment. Have you ever had that happen when you needed some advice or inspiration and suddenly it’s right in front of you? Your words can be what someone needs, and you might be surprised to know someone is listening to you in particular because your thoughts speak to that person.

Who is watching and listening to you? Be the best person you can be, and you will end up helping others as well as yourself.

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Why My Husband’s Driving Terrifies Me

I am blessed to be married to an amazing man. My one complaint is that his driving terrifies me. Let me give you some detailed description about what I mean.

The need to observe his surroundings. When I drive, I am hyper focused to what is happening in front, behind, and to the side of me, but I am watching the other drivers because there are some other crazy drivers out there like my husband.

My husband is unfocused. He looks to the right or left and can be distracted by anything. When I wish he was paying attention to the road, he is looking at the new construction and wondering what it will be. We have run over curbs and veered towards the bushes because of his curiosity.

He feels the need for eye contact. He is a wonderful storyteller, but even while driving, he feels the need to make eye contact with me. No matter how many times I ask him to please look at the road, he still turns to me and continues the story.  

He misses important signals. My husband becomes so lost in thought that he sometimes doesn’t notice a light is red, or he slows down when it’s green. He moves through stop signs without even a pause, and he has cut more than one person off without meaning to.

Parking is an issue. My husband can’t just pull into a parking lot and park. He needs to find the perfect parking spot. He will drive around, start to pull in, decide that it’s not a good one, and continue this several times. It is maddening.

He plays chicken while turning. He will turn in when a car is coming, but he slows down as if he wants to scare the other driver, but the only one it scares is me!

He looks at his phone/watch. I am already a nervous wreck on the highway but it’s worse when I see my husband looking at his phone or watch.

He waits too long to get gas. He will tell me not to worry when the gas light comes on. He has had to walk to a gas station more than once.

Whiplash acceleration. Even though he has had his car for two years, he cannot seem to get a feel for the accelerator, and I often think I will suffer whiplash.

I am grateful for my husband and everything he does for me, but please pray for me and my time in the car with him!

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What I Wish You Knew About Yourself

Are you ever surprised at someone’s self-perception and the way you perceive that person? I find myself shaking my head all the time when someone explains a fault or strength, and the description does not match reality.

My friend Raleigh has had two strokes, and heart surgery. The first stroke was massive, and the doctor told him he only survived because of his fitness level. While he was waiting for his release, he walked in loops around the hospital so he would stay in shape. He did a 10k race a week after his second stroke, even though he didn’t know yet that a hole in his heart was causing the strokes. Not only is he fearless, but he also never complains about anything. His attitude is that you deal with the challenges and carry on. He’s tough right? He would never describe himself that way, so I have to remind him all the time.

Raleigh is not the only one who doesn’t see his stronger qualities. I taught French for forty years and I was always having conversations with students who didn’t think they were good enough. I spoke with a girl who had a high GPA, had taken every advanced class known to man, did extra-curriculars, and was a general high achiever. She was starting to look at colleges when she said to me, “Madame, I don’t think I’m good enough for college.” I know my mouth was open in surprise when I replied, “If not you, then who?”

My friend Kim is a military airline mechanic. Imagine being a woman in a male dominated field. I think she is tough as nails, super cool, and she has wisdom that has helped me many times. The problem is she doesn’t recognize any of those qualities. How do you convince someone they are so much more than she thinks?

We spend too much time thinking we are less than we are, so here are a few things you should know about yourself.

  • You are enough for any challenge, if you believe you can.
  • Fear is a dream killer and there is no place for it in your life.
  • Excuses for not doing something are fear of failure and they are all lies holding you back from the best you.
  • You have some qualities that others admire.
  • You have gifts you were meant to use. Don’t worry about what others think about how you use them.
  • Don’t try to be someone you are not. The person you are trying to imitate might have some dark corners you don’t need to explore.
  • Find your joy.
  • Be transparent about your struggles. You could help someone else.
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How to Thrive as a Strong Woman

It took me most of my life to realize that my easy-going, passive personality was not always bringing me the life I hoped for, and I needed to become stronger in several areas. Do you consider yourself to be a strong woman? Would you like to be? I can give you some advice that has worked well for me but first let’s talk about what it means to be a strong woman.

You might think you can’t be a strong woman if you are struggling with life and facing challenges. You are a strong woman if you face those challenges and continue to try to figure out how to solve them. Adversity is rarely fun, but it always makes us stronger, and as long as you learn from the struggles instead of allowing them to crush you, you will be better for it. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to it.

A strong woman doesn’t need to compare herself to other women. She is doing the best she can with the resources she has. She doesn’t judge others because she knows everyone is carrying a burden even if we cannot see it, so she offers grace and kindness instead of hate.

A strong woman wants everyone around her to be successful, and she loves opportunities to be an encourager. If she has a problem with you, she will come to you for resolution instead of talking behind your back.

Here are a few pieces of advice to help you thrive as a strong woman.

Create the right crew.

I have had some unfortunate friendships, and each time I knew It was time to walk away, I was very disappointed. I decided it was time to choose friends who had the qualities I admired. We don’t have to wait for friends to come to us. We can find the people we want in our lives.

I wanted friends who were loyal, non-judgmental, genuinely good people who were kind and transparent. I wanted friends who would show up when I needed them knowing I would do the same for them. I wasn’t looking for perfect people. I wanted friends who were transparent about the flaws.

I chose my new friends from the running community because running is one of my passions, and I don’t know many runners who aren’t phenomenal people.

Having the right group of friends can make a huge difference.

Believe you are capable.

A strong woman needs a growth mindset. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail at something if you learn something from failure, and you try again. Rory McIlroy tried for years to win the Masters and finally did it this year. How sad if he had given up thinking he wasn’t good enough.  

Communicate your boundaries.

This is so much more important than you might think. You have to tell people how to treat you. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not. You often have to have the most talks about boundaries with the ones closest to you. When someone is not respecting your boundaries, have a calm conversation with the person and explain what is wrong.

Know your value and claim your space. You have value, people should listen to you and show you respect. There is nothing wrong with explaining to someone calmly they have disrespected you. I was at a 6/12/24 hour ultra marathon. As an older runner, I am sometimes underestimated. I was looking at the 24-hour board to check my time. A woman who was there to support her husband looked at me and said, “This is the 24 board.” I said, “I know.” She looked at me in shock and said, “YOU are doing the 24-hour race?” I said, “Yes, I am, and I’m not sure why you are so surprised but I’m a little insulted.” She apologized. You have to realize people say some stupid things, but it’s okay to call them on it.

I hope these simple ideas help you realize you are stronger than you think and capable of anything.

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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Online Writing

Online writing is more complicated than you might think. There are some great reasons to write online, but it is not for everyone, and you have to decide what writing online can do for you and if the advantages outweigh the challenges. Here is a quick description of the pros and cons of online writing.

The Good

  • Writing online provides you with a chance to interact with other writers and make valuable connections. Y
  • You can learn valuable tips from other writers and discover important resources.
  • Writing online allows you to create a writer’s footprint that will be important if an editor or publisher wants to see your work.
  • Writing online can provide some extra income and it gives you a chance to practice and improve your craft.

The bad

  • Writing online can be difficult.
  • You have to be consistent and work hard at building followers and interacting with your audience.
  • The revenue can be depressing, so you have to work on not being discouraged.
  • Don’t read the articles that tell you that it’s easy to make $5,000 a month.  Articles like that can make you wonder what you are doing wrong, but they often are not completely truthful.
  • You have to sift through some trash to find the treasures, but they are there and well worth the search.
  • Don’t follow all the advice because some of it is awful. Pick what will work for your writing.

The ugly

  • Some writers will do anything to pull you into reading an article. It is true that your title should be creative and catchy but be truthful and deliver on what you are promising in your title. Don’t waste the reader’s time.
  • There seems to be an angry writing trend where writers berate readers or other writers. I find this type of writing angry, hostile and condescending. I don’t unfollow many people, but I have let a few of the hostile ones go.
  • You might have a month where your earnings seem pitiful. You might have a lot of those months. Remember why you write and keep on doing it.  
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Why You Need a Crew

Everyone needs the ride or die friends, even if you only have one. My family was watching the morning news when the question was how many good friends do you need? We all said at once, “One good one!”

When it comes to friends I believe in quality not quantity. We might have lots of Facebook contacts, but not all of them are true friends.

In the running world, when you ask someone to be your crew, you are asking them to support you to find success in a race, usually for a long distance one. They are responsible for finding you food and drink, keeping you focused mentally, and helping you find motivation when you want to quit.

We need a crew who can do the same things in life. When we are having a bad day, a note or a call from our crew can lift our spirits. These are the people who show up when we need it most.

My husband had a mini stroke and when we arrived at the hospital, they rushed him back to the ER because there was a chance the mini stroke was a precursor to a major stroke. I posted a note to my friends asking them for prayers. Several replied saying they were praying but then came the text from my friend Donna. The text said, “I’m outside in the lobby. I’m here to help you with anything you need.” My husband asked me to stay with him, so I couldn’t go out to see her, but I appreciated her showing up so much.

Donna has also been one of my writing cheerleaders. When I started publishing my writing I suffered from imposter syndrome. I was embarrassed to say I was a writer because I wasn’t sure I was good enough. Many people in my inner circle didn’t take my passion for writing seriously, but my friends Donna, Kim, and Hal are always there to support me. Donna and Kim support me with encouraging words, and Hal shows up wherever I am vending my books. These friends helped me arrive at a place where I realized I didn’t need anyone else to believe in me if what I’m doing is my dream and my passion.

I have found a different crew with running. Runners are good people who are encouraging and welcoming. I love being part of the running community. There are a group of strong women runners who support each other and help set goals and meet them together.

Who is your crew?

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Essential Tips for Writers

Essential Tips to Help You as a Writer

The glory of being a writer is there are so many ways to find success by following the path that is right for you. There are, however, a few pieces of advice that are important for any writer. Let me share a few with you.

Keep learning.

No matter how long you have been writing, how many books you have written, or writing classes you have taken, there are always new things to learn. Pay attention to the writers who have found success and listen to what has worked for them. Keep trying new things to find out what works for you.

Be consistent.

When you build an audience, they want to hear from you, so keep them engaged with consistent content. Being consistent also means you are working regularly on improving your craft.

Be open to ideas.

My family and friends love to suggest ideas for my writing and some of them are great. Keep your eyes and ears open for even more ideas. Many of my ideas come from conversations, or something I heard or read in the media.

Realize the importance of contacts.

When I first started vending, the veteran venders told me to look beyond how many books I was selling, and realize I was making contacts and building a network. You never know when one of those contacts is going to open a door that will lead to your success. Enjoy interacting with new people. Have conversations that may lead to new adventures.

Make your writing a priority.

Until recently, I have not prioritized my writing. I took care of everything else first and started writing whenever everything else was done. I now make sure I am spending more time with my writing.

Block out the negativity.

As creatives, we tend to be sensitive, so negativity about our work can cut deep. When someone gives you negative feedback that doesn’t provide something that can make you better, forget it and move on. It’s only noise.

Know your worth.

When I first started writing, I did many articles for free because I wanted to build a portfolio. I no longer do that. Your writing is benefiting someone, and you don’t need to do it for free. You are worth payment for your work.