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How Silence Can Help You

How Silence Can Help You

Most people are uncomfortable with silence. They rush to fill the void that silence can create, but silence can also help you in several different ways.

If you want someone to talk more, you need to talk less. Ask a question and then listen. When the person is finished, don’t respond right away. Let silence hang in the air. Most people will continue to speak. I used to run a smoking cessation program at a high school. If a student was caught smoking, the student had to come to our meeting and begin our program. We were speaking with a boy asking him how much he smoked. Here is the conversation.

Smoker: “I don’t need help; I don’t have a problem. I don’t smoke much. I only smoke a pack a day. I can stop if I need to. I don’t think I have a problem. Do I have a problem? Can you help me?”

“Yes, we can.”

“I need help.”

Sometimes you need to allow someone to walk through the problem on their own. You need to step out of the way.

Silence can help you learn. We tend to want to interrupt a speaker to share our story, but listening completely can teach us valuable information. We can learn more about each other as well as learning about what someone is teaching us.

When we rest in silence, our mind can clear, our anxiety calms, our distractions disappear, and we have a chance to reflect and focus. When we are silent, we can be more creative. I come up with the best Ideas when I am out running by myself.

Silence can be a weapon. When my class became too noisy I never raised my voice, I just stopped talking and gave them that look that said I expect better from them. I was blessed that it always worked.

Use silence to find out more about the people around you, and use it as a mental health tool.

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What Do You Have to Do to Be a Writer?

Since I have been vending my books at the local artisan market I hear this question almost every week. Here are some of the comments I hear.

“I have an idea for a book, but I’m not sure it’s good enough.”

“I started to write a children’s book, but I don’t know where to go from here.”

“I would like to be a writer, but where do I start?”

“What if I spend all that time, but fail at being a writer?”

“I have written a whole series, but no one would want to read it.”

“You don’t make any money being a writer.”

All of these comments and questions have something in common. They are all based in fear. You might be afraid of judgment, or failure, but that fear is holding you back from your dream, your passion, and a great form of expression and escape.

So, the answer to the question what do you have to do to be a writer is you have to be fearless and you have to start writing. Stop worrying about the haters and the possible negatives and start switching your thoughts. Instead of saying, “What if I fail?” switch it to, “What if I succeed?” Instead of saying, “No one will read this.” Switch it to, “Maybe this could help someone.”

Don’t overthink it. I have a friend who has been telling me for three years that he was going to write a book. Today he told me he had three notebooks with notes and outlines. It’s a great idea to have a plan, but at some point, you have to end the preparation and implement the plan. You have to write.

Do you want to be a writer? Sit down and write then keep doing it until it becomes a habit and eventually you will realize that to be a successful writer you now have to add consistency and hard work, so what are you waiting for? Go write. The world might need your words.

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What Happened When I Didn’t Use an Outline for My Book. How not having a plan can work sometimes.

One of the writing rules I hear often is a writer should have a plan before writing. This is a great idea because if the writer knows what comes next everything may flow better. I have found though that breaking a writing rule here and there can be magical. Let me explain by telling you about the book I am writing.

I want to continue to write different types of books and step out of my comfort zone so I can grow as a writer. I decided to write a middle grade reader, and I wanted it to be slightly biographical because my middle school years were rough. I wanted to use my experiences to talk about struggling with fitting in and finding an identity. I had a general idea of what I wanted to do in the book, but I had not written an outline or a plan. I had no idea that the book would write itself and I continue to be amazed at the paths it is taking me down.

The story takes place in the town where I grew up. Until I started writing this story I didn’t think about all the complexities within this small town. I knew I wanted to talk about the social division and what it is like for a young girl to be in a private school setting when her social status is drastically different from the other students, but suddenly I was writing about the spiritual importance because of the link with the Indian tribe that was present there.

The main character loves going to the local library that looks more like a stone castle than a library. She finds an escape in reading just as I did, and she learns more about herself through the kind librarian and what lives in the creepy basement.

There are some days that I wish I had a clear plan because nothing is coming to my mind, but there are other days when hours go by as new ideas consume me. This book is taking me longer than normal, but the twists and turns of the journey are fascinating.

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Dealing with Challenges as a Writer

Challenges come in many forms, they can be financial, mental, or involve support. My two biggest challenges are mental and support based. I never think what I have written is good enough, so I often become stuck in the middle of a piece while I ask myself, “What’s the point in spending all this time if no one will like it?” What you must realize though is how powerful words are and the words you are writing might be what someone needs. What if you change everything for someone because of what you have written? You never know if you do not try. I remember when I was teaching, I had a student who always worked so hard. The class turned in a weekly journal, and once I wrote how proud I was of her and how much I admired her work ethic. I did not think anything else about it until the day the girl graduated and she came to find me after the ceremony. She said, “I wanted to tell you how much those words meant to me. I was struggling and you made me feel special.” So, you never know if your writing will stink or make a difference, but you should do it anyway.

A lack of support from family is a challenge for me. No one in my family enjoys any of my passions. I have always loved to run, but the rest of my family says the only time they will run is if something is chasing them. While I have a library in my bedroom and a stack of books I am currently reading, no one in my family is a reader. I read to my children when they were little and gifted them books until my oldest told me she didn’t want any more books. I know they have to find their own passions, but I would love to be able to talk to them about my writing without seeing their eyes glaze over. I am blessed that I have found support with several friends who are always there for me as well as the support I receive from my publisher and the writing groups I have joined.

My financial status can be a challenge since I do not yet make a windfall with my writing. My expenses include paying for the illustrator for each children’s book, paying for each market when I vend my books, and paying to have personal copies of my books printed. I know that I will find a way to make my writing more profitable eventually, but it can be frustrating when I want to start a new project, but I cannot afford to see it through.

See failure as a chance to grow, not a reason to stop. Failure is never much fun, but most of the time it is a great teacher. Instead of being frustrated because you were not successful the first time, regroup and use the failure to be better.

Keep a sense of humor. This is important in anything you do. When you start to feel like everything is going wrong, you have a choice to have a pity party or see the humorous side of your situation and start to figure out plan B. Plan B is more productive. Laughter can make most things seem better. One of my rejection letters from an editor started very sweetly, telling me she had enjoyed my article, and there were some great aspects to it, but then something snapped, and she started to rant about how I needed to experience the school of hard knocks before I found success, success wasn’t just handed to everybody, and it continued from there. I imagined an overworked editor who was trying to be encouraging to a writer, and then she snapped and needed to vent. I used that e-mail to not take rejections too seriously.

  Don’t take rejections personally. As a writer, you will receive countless rejections, and sometimes they sting. You will have rejections that offer constructive criticism and others that are not kind. Remember that the rejection is one person’s opinion.

  Know your worth. Your writing could change someone’s life. Remember that when others do not support your writing or try to quiet your voice. You do not have to write for free unless you want to, and you should not hesitate to ask a fair price for your work.

 Regroup-reflect-reset. Every writer has moments when she feels like what she is doing is not working or that your writing needs a refresh. Instead of feeling frustrated, take some time to reconsider your approach and brainstorm some different ideas. Doing something different can boost your motivation.

 Try is a failure verb. The editor for my first book gave me pure wisdom when he told me to stop using the verb try. He said, “Jen, try is a failure verb. It is weak. Use strong verbs.

 Seclude yourself from time to time. We all occasionally find ourselves pulled in a million different directions. Everyone wants our time and energy, so we often need to claim our private time and to do that you might have to go somewhere like a library or a coffee house to hide. Let someone know you will return soon.

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The Basics of Marketing Your Writing

You can write great material, but if no one knows about it, you cannot move forward. You want to do your best to be noticed. Put your writing in as many places as possible. If you are writing books, go to book signings, vend at craft markets, do readings at the library, and ask your local media to advertise your books. Create a blog and build a following and create videos about your writing. Keep putting yourself in front of people.

 Learn to use an e-mail list. The more people you can tell about your writing, the better. If you use Word Press it will generate a subscriber list. I also write online with Medium which also gives me a subscriber e-mail list. Have a book giveaway where people can enter with their e-mail. Take business cards from new contacts and add their e-mails to your list.

 Know the power of connections and contacts. You never know when you are going to meet someone who can help promote your writing. I met a cross-country coach who considered buying a copy of my book The Healing Power of Running for each of his runners. You need to put yourself out there to make these connections and contacts. Go to bookstores for meet and greets, vend at craft shows, go to writers’ conventions and retreats, and send out regular newsletters.

Hand out business cards, bookmarks, and anything else with your contact information. Give potential readers a way to find you again.

 Include a link to your website whenever you can. You want your readers to return to the source so they will see more of your writing and hopefully purchase some of your work. Add your link whenever you can.

Making videos I do at least one video about my books or writing in general every week because I want to put myself and my books in front of my audience as often as possible.  The videos that have done the best are the ones when everything went wrong, so do not worry about your video being perfect. During one video, I was out on the porch when a jet passed by low and loudly, then after that the hummingbirds were not happy that I was near there feeder, so they started dive bombing me. I laughed and kept going. People like to see you being human.

Newsletters. You want to take every chance you can to show people your work, and newsletters are a fantastic way to do it. Use beautiful colors and images and talk about what is new with your writing and what your readers can expect. Include links to books or writing platforms. I use Canva to make newsletters and my blog has a feature to send it to my subscribers.

Have a pitch. There is a vendor at our local craft market who writes and illustrates comics. I have never seen anyone with such a vivid imagination, but last week I also realized he is a genius at marketing his work. He told me he watches the eyes of people passing by his booth. If he sees interest he begins his pitch. He introduces himself and describes what he does. I watched him all morning and every time he used his pitch, he drew people in to look closer at what he was doing and almost every person purchased something. He was able to convince people to approach him by making it less awkward. Your pitch could also be a description of your book. A woman picked up my romance and asked me what it was about. I froze and could not think of a way to sum up the book, but I guarantee that will not happen again!  

Tell your story. People want to know the story behind what you have written, or why you wrote it. Last weekend, a woman picked up my book, Help for The Hard Days, and I told her I wrote it for my friend who was struggling with mental health. She bought it and told me she wanted to help her friend who was also struggling.

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Where Can I Publish?

I have mentioned in other articles about the importance of creating a writer’s footprint. You want to have so much of your writing published that publishers and editors can easily find you. My daughter came to me one day and said, “Mom, I googled your name, and you came up in the news.” I had written over eighty articles for our local paper, so those articles came up when she searched for my name.

 When you first start writing look at all the options available for publication. You can write for your local media, magazines, local businesses, and online publications. Where you publish will also depend on what you write, but here are a few ideas.

Literary magazines and journals. The New Yorker, Ploughshares, The Paris Review, The Sun Magazine, Rattle, Barren Magazine, Flash Fiction online.

Here are some databases to find calls for submissions. Submittable Discover, Duotrope, The Submission Grinder.

Online communities and small presses. Vocal, Medium, Reedsy, Prompts. Press fifty-three, Graywolf Press, Tin House Books.

Essays, articles. Medium, Substack, Vocal Media.

Self-publishing. Amazon KDP, Ingram Spark, Draft2Digital

Blogging. WordPress, Ghost, Substack, Medium

Social platforms. Threads, Bluesky, X, Instagram, and Linkedin.

Starting a blog allows you the chance to publish as much and as often as you want. I use WordPress, and I also publish on Medium and Substack. On WordPress and Medium, I can build a subscriber list that allows me to send monthly newsletters. Here are some important points about blogging.

· Make your posts useful, well-written, and authentic.

· Use a mixture of formats: how-to guides, listicles, personal stories, interviews, or reviews.

· Use catchy titles to draw reader’s attention.

· Find attractive pictures.

· Make your site easy to navigate.

· Post consistently.

· Reply to comments and emails.

· Build a sense of community.

· Share your blog posts on other platforms.

· Be patient. Building an audience takes time.

Join social media writing groups then interact and make your presence known.

There are several books that will help you find publishers. Here are a few.

Writer’s Market Children’s Writer’s and Illustrators Market

The Christian Writer’s Market Guide

There are different types of publishers. A traditional publisher will not ask for any money unless they are print on demand, and they may pay for your writing. A vanity press will publish your book for a price. Most writers steer clear of the vanity press experience. You can also self-publish, but know that traditional publishing is often more respected.

Good luck and don’t give up!

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The Power of Failure

How your reaction to adversity changes everything.

I used to fear failure. What would people say? How would they judge me? Would I be embarrassed? I felt all of those negative emotions many times until I realized how good failure is for me. I can fail a million times and as long as I learn from the experience and find a way to grow and succeed, I will always come out better. I can make those moments even better by being transparent about my failures and sharing them instead of hiding them in shame. Maybe I can make someone else see the possibilities if I can share how I moved on after a failure. Here are a few examples of how failures have taught me valuable lessons.

I practiced Go Juru karate for six years and I learned more about myself and life than I would have imagined, but many of those lessons were brutal both mentally and physically. The dojo I was in was full contact which meant on Saturday, (sparring day), you were going to be pummeled by the other students. There were three black belts who were massive, burly, scary men. I used to call them the oak trees. Fighting them was terrifying, and I often did not fare well. I remember my oldest daughter had come toward the end of class to take me to lunch. I was about to fight the biggest of the oak trees when I heard my daughter start yelling from the waiting room. “Mommy, don’t do it! No do not fight him!”  When class was over, she tried to convince me to never do that again.

Although I was terrified most days, karate taught me to face my fears and do something even when it scared me. My favorite oak tree told me once I was fearless. I know my mouth was open in surprise when I said, “I am very afraid before I fight.” He replied, “Yes, but you do it anyway.” The many times I had to get back up after being knocked down gave me confidence and it taught me resilience.

I remember the first time I saw someone doing kata which is a series of movements that incorporates important techniques for each belt level. I told myself I would never be able to do that. I practiced and made every mistake possible, but gradually I mastered it. The experience with kata taught me that anything is possible if you want it bad enough and you are willing to work at it. It also taught me that frustration is wasted energy. I used that knowledge in my classroom teaching when one of my best students had a meltdown because she was trying to master a French skill. Frustration is wasted time that you could use to be focusing on your mastery.

My daughter took a job after college that paid well but made her miserable. She was so anxious that she had to take medication. One day, she decided she had to make a change, and she began her own at home sales. Her boyfriend at the time saw this as a failure. Why would she quit her respectable job to do something risky? My daughter took that perceived failure and used it to fuel her drive to succeed. She has been so successful that after ten years of being in business she was able to allow her husband to retire and stay home with their young son.

Don’t let failure hold you down. Some of the most amazing people have been failing their whole lives, but they keep moving forward to make it work. Share your failures with others, and I guarantee they will share their stories. Brainstorm together for success.

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How to Edit and Revise Your Writing

Edit and edit again. You might think that editing your writing once or twice will be enough, but you would be surprised by how many errors you will find when you look again. Use an editing tool like Grammarly or Word, but realize neither program is perfect, ask a friend to review it, and consider having a professional editor review it before sending it out.

Avoid repetition. This is a constant challenge for me. Go through your work and make sure you have not said the same thing numerous times. Have a variety of words instead of overusing the same ones. Make it a challenge to find diverse ways to say things.

Good grammar matters. There are some rules that can be broken, but good grammar is important. Have a grammar guide close by that you can consult and use the grammar guide that Grammarly or Word provides.

Cut out the extra words. We all use extra words that we need to cut out because the sentence can stand without them, or we have used them too much throughout our piece. Mine are that, just, sometimes, own, and really. What words could you eliminate?

Read everything aloud. I can edit my work repeatedly, but I always find more errors when I read my writing aloud. I can also hear if it flows well when I read it.

Delete passive words. Have your subjects do the actions instead of the actions being done to the subject. Tanner decided to make dinner for Kate is an active sentence. The dinner was made by Tanner is a passive sentence. Passive words are words that make writing less direct or less engaging. Examples of passive words are perhaps, I think, could, and might.

Make it look good. Presentation is huge. You can pull in a reader if you have an attractive piece of work. Use color and some of the many software tools that can help you make it look great, like Canva.

Use strong verbs vs. weak ones. An example would be The music was loud. (weak) vs. The music pounded in my ears. Here are some examples of weak and strong verbs.

Instead of saying walk, use stride, march, stomp, or shuffle.

Instead of the word say, use shout, whisper, or declare.

Instead of look, try stare or gaze.

Instead of go, use hurry, rush, or wander.

Instead of make, use create, build, or construct .

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What Do Students Remember?

What do you remember from your classes? Do you remember how to diagnose a sentence or how to form the past tense in a language? It’s very possible that you do, but I imagine there are some things you remember better. Here are a few things more students remember than the material we teach.

They remember

How we made them feel. Are you the teacher who saw the potential or talent and nurtured it? You may be the first one who did. What if a student has a dream or a passion but doesn’t see the possibilities or his talent. How huge is it to unlock that dream. It could be as simple as making them feel special and showing them they are capable.

When we find the help they need. Parents don’t always see the same thing we see in the classroom. We might see that they learn differently and need some additional resources to find success. If we can find those resources for them it is a game changer.

Helping them live a dream. As a language teacher, I felt it was my job to plan trips to France for my students. I always loved seeing the joy and excitement they found in travel. I remember when two girls started crying when they saw the Eiffel Tower. They both told me they were crying because they thought they never would have the chance to see it.

Fun activities. Learning doesn’t always have to be serious. Incorporating fun events will make them love your subject even more. At Christmas, I started a tradition where the entire French program and their families would come to a potluck dinner so we could have our version of the French Christmas dinner, Le Réveillon. It created a family atmosphere and when everyone went home the janitor helped me clean up while I washed the dishes.

Our support. Learning becomes easier when you know you can take risks because someone will help you succeed. When our students know we want them to do well they try harder.

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Making Students Listen

We have all found ourselves standing in front of a class while we teach passionately about the new material when we realize that no-one is really listening. In several minutes when you begin an activity to practice what you have been trying to teach them, the questions will begin. “What are we doing?” “I don’t understand how to do this.” “Have we done this?”My favorite example of this happened last year. Here is the exchange that occurred;

Me: O.k. put the paper in your folder.

Student 1: Mrs. Bonn, do we put the paper in our folder?

Me: Put the paper in your folder.

Student 2: Mrs. Bonn, what should we do with the paper?

This actually went on for another few minutes. Thankfully, I was able to see the humor, but it also made me think about how much time I waste when students are not paying attention. All of these questions could have been avoided if the students had been listening. There are ways to keep their attention though. Follow the following strategies and you may have more success keeping them focused.

You have to make it about them.

No matter what you are teaching, you have to find a way to tie it into their lives to make it meaningful. Ask your students questions about themselves while tying it into the material that you are teaching. If you can make that connection, you will have their attention.

Deal with the emotions first

Pay attention when your students are entering your room. It is fairly easy to pick up on any raw emotions that may flare up during class and turn your lesson plan that you worked on until midnight into mush. Try to diffuse the emotions before they even happen by addressing them. Ask simple questions such as “Is everything o.k.?” Ignoring obvious emotional upheaval is like sticking your head in the sand. 

Use hands on activities

Do activities that involve everyone. The more students who are actively involved, the more focused attention you will see.

Get them up and moving

It is difficult for anyone to sit in a chair for a long period of time. Find activities where your students will be up and moving around. Place information that they need around the room and make them travel to different stations to find the information.

Use your presence

Move around the room and change your voice level to hold the interest in the room.

Use Visuals

This is an age where children use visual entertainment. We can use it to our advantage to teach them. I love saving interesting magazine pictures and turning the lesson plan into solving a puzzle about the picture.