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How The Ten-minute Solution Changes Everything

Have you noticed that the simplest solutions are usually the best? The ten-minute solution is a prime example, and it can be used in different ways in various situations. Here’s how it works.

Exercise

Is it difficult to stay motivated with your fitness routine? On those days when it is tough getting out the door, tell yourself you are going out for ten minutes. If you still don’t feel motivated after ten minutes you can quit, but usually it only takes getting started to make a difference.

It also helps to start small. Instead of aiming for high weekly mileage, why not say you will do one mile a day and then if you can do more that’s a bonus.

Parenting

The ten-minute solution can be used to help children transition from one activity to another. Let’s say you are at the pool. When you are about to leave tell your children, “We have ten minutes before we go.” When ten minutes have passed announce it is time to go. Most of the time the children will not make a fuss because you prepared them.

Working at home

When you are working at home, give yourself a ten-minute break every hour. The ten-minute break will help you to come back ready to be more productive.

Limit scrolling time to ten minutes so you do not lose yourself when you can be more productive.

Letting something sit

Whether you have just finished an article or a tricky e-mail, let it sit for ten minutes before you push send or publish. After ten minutes, take a fresh look and see if you want to change anything.

Waking up

The way you start your day can set the tone for your whole day. Give yourself ten minutes to wake up. Stretch in bed, take some time to think about the day, and listen to the quiet.

I hope the ten-minute solution will help you. If you would like to see more of my writing check out my blog at www.jenniferswriting.org

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Creating A Writing Life

Make writing a priority. I felt guilty for years if I wrote before I had taken care of all my other responsibilities, and then I was sad that I did not do something I love. If writing is important to you and it brings you joy, you have the right to make it a priority.

Create a series of goal statements. The first is a mission statement to describe what you do and what you hope to accomplish. An example could be to be a successful writer who specializes in fitness writing. A vision statement describes where you imagine your writing career in the future. An example could be, I envision my writing appearing in major fitness magazines, speaking about fitness, and writing a book about health. A values statement explains why you do what you do and details the morals and standards you uphold. An example could be I am committed to being a professional who meets deadlines and provides excellent customer service and works with clients who have the same beliefs and morals.

Determine the best time of day for your writing. I write best earlier in the day when my energy is the strongest. I know other writers enjoy writing at night or early morning when it is quiet. I must find moments when the rest of my family is occupied because no matter how intent I try to look, they interrupt my writing to carry on a conversation or ask me for help.

 Have a writing space. I love my writing space. It is at the back of the house in a sunroom. I am surrounded by color and memories of everything I love, and to my left is a comfortable couch that my dog lies on, and to my right, I have a podium and a cozy couch for naps on rainy days. I do not have any doors in my space, but I think my family would ignore them anyway. If you need someplace outside of your house, consider the library or a coffeehouse.

 Keep a folder or notebook for writing documents. I recently had several books published simultaneously by the same publisher. The publisher and illustrator were emailing me questions, and I had to ask more than once which book the question was about. An example was when the publisher asked me to send a copy of the reader’s reviews, my dedication, and my ‘About the Author’ page. I had to ask which book he was talking about, and because I have everything stored in digital folders, it was easy to find them.

 Have another folder with signs of your success. In case you have a difficult day when you question your ability as a writer, have a folder with kind notes and complimentary reviews to remind yourself that what you are doing has value.

 Be consistent. I do not believe in the write-every-day rule because there are certain days when I need a break, and I do not want to force my writing. I do want to write consistently, though, and give my readers fresh writing consistently.

Help other writers. I frequently have aspiring writers approach me when I am vending my books. They often say, “I have an idea for a book.” I respond with, “Why aren’t you writing it?” Their response is usually, “I do not think anyone would read it. You do not know unless you try, so I will do my best to encourage anyone who wants to write. If you are a writer and something has worked well for you, share it with other writers.

 Know your rights. When you receive a contract from a client or publisher, make sure you know what you are signing. What rights do you have, and what is your client asking of you and guaranteeing for you?

 Manage finances. Keep great financial records. Create a budget and record both incoming money and expenses.

 Follow your heart. Everyone has an opinion about what you should write to be successful and make money. My husband finally understood that although I would love to make money writing, that is not my number one reason for doing it. I like to help people, and I think some of my words can do that. My work is not sexy and scandalous, but it is full of my heart. Do what makes you happy.

 Guard your energy. Several things can steal your energy as a writer. You will encounter people who want you to do work for free. Say no unless it is for a cause that you support. Decide where your energy should go. You may have to train your family to understand that you need your writing time. Develop thick skin when it comes to critiques. Realize the comments are valuable if the comments can help you to improve, otherwise ignore them because you do not need to waste your mental energy.

 Ignore the haters. First, let me separate someone who is giving you a valuable critique from a hater. When you send in your work for publication, a publisher may give you advice about improving your work. This is given with kind intentions, even though it is difficult to see your work criticized. A hater, on the other hand, only wants to demean you. It is not about you or your work; it is pure hatefulness. The best thing you can do is to ignore the comments and continue with your day.

 Be professional. Meet deadlines, answer e-mails, deliver your books on time, treat everyone with respect, and be a good human.

 Do not give up. We all have those days when we question whether we are expending time and effort for nothing. Keep going because you never know who needs to hear your words. When others do not support you, keep going if writing is your passion.

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Five Writer’s Resolutions

Everyone makes resolutions for health and wellness and financial health, but as writers, do you make writer’s resolutions? I have a vision board where I put pictures and comments about what I hope for during the new year, but guess which section is the smallest? I asked myself this morning why my greatest passion isn’t getting more of my attention and the answer led me to these resolutions.

Resolution #1 I am going to give higher priority to my writing. Most of the time I do not sit down to write until I have completed all my other responsibilities, and that often means I don’t have much energy or creativity left.

I struggle with guilt about writing. My family doesn’t see it as important, so I often feel guilty spending the time at the computer, but writing makes me so happy and peaceful. I know it is what I need for my mental health. This year I am going to draw some boundaries and let others know that I need more time to devote to writing.

Resolution #2 I will be more disciplined and focused with my writing time. The computer can become a black hole waiting to steal all your time. I tell myself that I will only glance at social media, but then I’m shocked when I look at the clock and an hour has gone by. I will have certain hours to work, and I will focus on my writing business for that time.

Resolution #3      I am going to ignore the haters and believe my writing matters. Haters are not always strangers. I have someone close to me who makes snide remarks about my writing usually by telling me how little money I make. This year I am going to focus on the positives and not listen to hateful comments. I will prove myself without dropping to the hater’s level.

Resolution #4  I will continue to learn and grow. I have so much more to learn, but I am eager to continue to grow. This year I am going to enter contests, go to conferences, ask questions, and read writing books.

Resolution #5 Finish what I’ve started and push forward. My brain goes in five different directions, so I have several projects going at once. Instead of starting something new, I’m going to finish current projects.

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Finding Your Writing Resources

                       Find Your Resources

You do not have to be alone on your writing journey. There are many resources to help with whatever you need and the best part is that most of them are free. Here are a few resources to investigate. Remember to keep learning. I love reading articles or books that help me grow. Keep looking for opportunities to improve. Take classes, read, attend writer’s groups, or interact with them online. Join online writing platforms and use them to improve your craft. Do not ever think your writing is good enough. Have a growth mentality instead. Here are some more specifics.

Join writing groups. Most towns and states have writing organizations that offer support for writers. They often have guest speakers and opportunities to gain experience from other writers. Here are a few to explore.

Scribophile is an online community where writers post work and receive critiques.

Writer pal is an online group where writers join small group circles for feedback.

Fictionary is an on source for free writing groups.

Facebook has many writing groups, and they offer the chance to ask questions and see what other writers are doing. Here are a few you can explore.

Writers unite                           The Write Life Community        Writers helping writers

I have used Facebook groups countless times. You can ask for advice or information, and experienced writers share their expertise.

Find the writing books that can answer your questions.

Writer’s Market is a book that also has a list of publishers and information that can be helpful. You can find everything from writing a query, controlling finances, finding a literary agent, how to blog, and how to use social media.

The Christian Writer’s Market Guide will give you publishing information for more faith-based publishers.

Book Market’s Guide for Children Writers is good if you are a children’s writer.

1001 Ways to Market Your Book by John Kremer is wonderful if you always need help with marketing like I do.

Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is one of my favorites as well as Stephen King’s On Writing.

There are so many more terrific books on writing, so enjoy reading.

 Find the right editor or publisher. There are several diverse types of publishers. You can do self-publishing through a company like Amazon, there are vanity presses which do the publishing while charging you a fee to do it, and there are traditional publishers who do not charge you except when you order books from them if they are print on demand. Do your research about which publisher will be the best fit for you.

Use feedback as a resource but learn to filter it. After years of reading responses from editors and publishers, I will tell you that some advice is amazing, some is difficult to hear, but helpful, and some can be put aside.

I am grateful to the people who took the time to tell me why they were rejecting my work, and some of the advice helped me grow as a writer. There is a certain point, though, when it is okay to be true to who you are as a writer, so when an editor tells you to only write a certain way, you do not necessarily have to listen. I received a nasty rejection that was brutal telling me that in his opinion my book would not be published. My friend said, “Jen, that is only one voice. You can choose not to listen to it.” I listened to the criticism and made the changes that allowed the book to be published, but I appreciated the support from my friend, and I do believe that an opinion is only one voice.

Online resources

You can use Grammarly for free to edit your work. Ask other writers what online programs they use. One of my favorites is Canva that I use for newsletters. Listen to podcasts and reels for great ideas.

Research writing software Here are some ideas for software that writers use.

Scrivener This is good for long-form writing projects where you want to organize chapters, scenes, research, and notes. Some users think it is complex to use at first.

Ulysees Writers on Apple devices who want a clean distraction free writing space can use this. Writers can use this for blog posts, and shorter works.

Microsoft word   This is good for standard word processing and collaboration with comments and track changes.

Google docs This is good for collaborative writing.

Atticus Authors who want both writing and formatting can use this platform.

Grammarly  There is a free and premium version that you can use to check your grammar.

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Ask for Writing Help

Asking for help is a sign of intelligence because it means you want to learn. Most people are honored when someone asks them for help. Asking for help is a chance to collaborate on something great.

Pay attention to the successful writers.

I originally titled this ‘Pay Attention to Veteran Writers,’ but a fresh voice from a new writer can also help us. Listen to the advice the successful writers share and adapt that advice to your writing. Why are they successful? What are their readers saying? Do research about what makes some writers successful and do what you can to adapt those ideas to your writing.

I owned a bookstore at one point, and my town had a mentor program for small business owners. You were paired with an experienced business owner who could walk you through everything you needed to know about starting a business. Check to see if that is a resource where you live.

Learn from other creators.

Ask questions not only of other writers, but of other creators. Ask them what works well, where do they find inspiration, what creative ideas have helped them with marketing, and what advice they would give to other creatives. When I am vending at our local craft market, I am doing my best to sell my books, but I am also observing what the other venders do that works. I have borrowed and implemented many ideas.

Ask editors and publishers for advice. I am blessed that I found an amazing publisher who has helped me to grow. He has told me kindly when he does not think an idea will work, and he helped me learn how to write children’s books. He brainstorms with me, offers advice but tells me I do not have to take it, and supports me as I enjoy my passion.

Sometimes editors or publishers will offer you some advice. Often that advice includes ways you can change your writing to be more attractive for publication. Don’t be offended because an editor suggests changes. Ask yourself if the advice will help you grow and if it will then thank the person for the advice and make the changes.

Listen carefully when a publisher gives you a second chance. I sent in a book hoping for publication and the publisher found quite a bit wrong with it and wanted to also change the format, but he gave me a second chance to send it back in for another look. He also said he understood if this would be too much work for me. I decided I was going to do my best to change my book for the better. 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden is now the book I hand to someone when I know they are struggling, so I am glad I was willing to accept help and put in the work.

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Beginning Your Writing Journey

At least one person each week approaches me for writing advice at the artist market where I vend my books. They ask for advice in diverse ways, but most of them are paralyzed with fear. They are afraid of failure, afraid they are not good enough, and they are unsure of how and if they should take that first step to start writing. Here are my action steps for you.

  • Overcome imposter syndrome. I remember how long it took me before I could call myself a writer. I did not think I was good enough. Imagine how much that attitude held me back, and I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I was afraid of showing my writing to anyone because I did not want to be told how bad it was. Putting your thoughts on display sets you up for judgement and critique, but your words could enlighten, enrich, and save someone.

Instead of worrying about not fitting the writer’s mold, find joy in expressing yourself. If you love to write follow your passion without worrying about the opinions of others.

  • Believe you can. Part of overcoming imposter syndrome is proving to yourself that you are a good writer. We would rather stay stagnant in our comfort zone than fail at what could help us grow. We cannot grow until we step out of our comfort zone, but often that first step is terrifying. Positive thinking can send out strong energy and when you use positive words of affirmation, the results are amazing. After you prove once or twice that you are capable of being a good writer, you will gain confidence and continue to be stronger. Keep positive notes and reviews that send you the affirmations you need. Creatives are usually doubters unless they have concrete proof of their abilities.
  • Know why you write. Remembering the reason you write will be crucial. I was complaining to my husband about not making much money with my writing. He looked at me with that look he reserves for me which means he does not understand why I do not see what he sees clearly. He asked, “Why do you write?” I answered, “Well, I have something to say, I love writing, and I believe I can help people with my experiences. Mostly, I enjoy helping people.” He then said, “Well then, stop thinking about the money and write.”

After I started vending at the local craft market, he questioned my why because he saw the time, effort, and money I was putting into my writing career. He said, “What are you trying to do? What are your goals? You are not going to make a profit with this.” I replied with another version of my why. “The market allows me to use my books to minister to people and help them. I can make connections and interact in a personal way. That is priceless.” Interacting with people face to face is a great way to market my writing.

During the next month, he saw the amount of people I helped with mental health. There were hugs and tears at my booth and I passed out copies of my 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden book.I helped countless new writers by giving them action steps to start writing. I talked with people about life and I sold some books. One day, my husband said, “I understand why you do this now.” It helps if other people understand your why, but it is not a requirement.

When you become discouraged or frustrated, when haters are hating, and the negative thoughts creep in, your reason may be temporarily lost. Document the comments from your readers who say your writing helped them. When you start to question if your writing is good, take those comments out and read them. Keep writing and regroup when needed.

  • Decide what type of writing you will do. I hear the advice all the time that you should find your niche and stick to that topic. I am sure that it works for many people, but I want to write about a lot of different topics. At the moment, I have two self-help books, a running book, a romance, a teaching guide, and five children’s books. This will be my eleventh book, and I am working on another running book and a middle grade reader. You do not have to be stuck in a box. Write about what you enjoy but also step outside of your comfort zone and do something that will make you grow. Staying in your comfort zone feels safe, but what if you find a whole new, exciting genre or topic to explore? When my grandson was one, my daughter asked me to write a book about him. I said yes immediately, but my inside voice was saying, “I have no idea how to write a children’s book!” Luckily, I have an amazing publisher who helped me learn how to do it.

Stay open to ideas. Two qualities that will help you as a writer are being a good observer and listener. Topics are everywhere, but you must slow down and be open to them. Here are a few spots to look for ideas.

Conversations. I often find my ideas from simple conversations. One of my best running articles came from a conversation with my husband about approaching a marathon differently from a 5k. My husband described the marathon as an entirely different beast, and that became the title of my article to help runners with their first marathon.

 Suggestions. Once your friends and family know you are serious about writing, you will hear them tell you all sorts of ideas about topics to explore. Brainstorm with them when they suggest a good one.

Media.Television, magazines, newspapers, and music all offer writers topics. Keep your eyes and ears open and carry a notebook to write down ideas.

Go to workshops and conferences. Part of being successful at anything is making contacts and connections. Workshops and conferences offer you a chance to learn more about your craft, meet and brainstorm with other writers, publishers, and editors. You also have a chance to present your work to the people who could publish it.

Find inspiration. Stay open to inspiration because you never know when or where you might find it. Some of my ideas come from conversations, or something I see on television, or something I read.

Do not limit yourself. The best way to grow is to take the jump into that spot outside your comfort zone. Do not only do writing that feels safe. Take some chances and do some things that scare you.

 Start writing. I read a wonderful writing guide called Writing Down the Bones that was full of great writing tips, but at one point in the book, the author said, “Eventually, you need to stop reading this and start writing.” Writing those first words is your beginning as a writer, and that is scary for many people. Once you take that first step, you are on your way.

 Create a writer’s footprint. This was the best advice I received when I first started writing. When you pitch your writing, editors and publishers often want to know what else you have written, so find every opportunity to put your writing in front of people.

 Build a portfolio your way. What you put in your portfolio depends on what type of writer you are. If you write books, put a copy of a chapter or several pages from your children’s book. If you write articles, include those. If you also illustrate your work, put some of your work into your portfolio. Include reviews of your work. The portfolio is a chance to sell yourself.

 Read. Reading gives you fresh ideas, and it is an opportunity to learn how to craft a story from experts. Reading also shows you what you can create for others.

 Be patient. This is not easy, as you want to see your writing published, but the writing process can be lengthy, and you need to take your time to produce quality work.

 Keep a journal. Write down ideas and thoughts to use later. Brainstorm topics to discuss.

Do not always say yes. When I first started writing, I wanted to create a footprint for my writing, so I wrote for several publications for free. Not only did it allow me to build a portfolio, but it also helped me improve my writing and create contacts. Eventually, though, I decided I wanted to focus my time on paying jobs. Decide where your time and effort are best spent.

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The Lonely Princess

Once upon a time, a princess named Rianna lived in a haunted castle. You might think it would be scary to live in a haunted castle, but Rianna thought of the ghosts as her friends, and since she was very lonely, she appreciated living with the ghosts.

Her mother and father, the king and queen were too busy to spend time with her, but the ghosts were always willing to play or make her laugh by playing tricks on her very serious, no-nonsense governess.

She wasn’t always sure when and which one of the ghosts would appear, but she enjoyed spending time with each of them. There was Jordy who was about her age who had died from a fever, Evelyn had been a maid who died in a carriage accident, Joseph was a groom who fell from his horse and died from his injuries, and Alison was a lady who died in childbirth. They all kept her company, and she knew she would be content to stay in the castle forever, but unfortunately, her father had other plans.

During the time that Rianna lived, it was common to use marriage to unite kingdoms and Rianna’s father wanted to strengthen his ties to the king in the neighboring kingdom. Unfortunately for Rianna, the king was much older than she was and was only concerned about someone who could provide him with strong heirs to rule his kingdom when he was gone. He cared nothing about loving his wife or whether he could make her happy.

Rianna thought her future looked bleak and she didn’t want to leave the only friends she had ever known. She tried to talk to her father about it, but he was determined to see her marry the king. Rianna talked to her ghost friends, and they assured her they would take care of the problem.

The day came when King Alfred arrived at the castle. He arrived with a small contingent of soldiers since he had no reason not to trust Rianna’s father. Rianna hid behind a tapestry to catch a glimpse of her future husband. She shuddered when she saw him. He was so fat that is horse looked as if it was miserable carrying his weight. His skin was pockmarked from disease and when he dismounted and approached her father, he walked with a limp. What Rianna noticed the most was how cruel he looked. She knew she could not expect any gentleness from this man.

As she was watching, she noticed that Joseph had appeared near King Alfred’s horse. He had a long stick in his hand. He grinned at Rianna and smacked the horse on his rump. The horse reared in pain causing panic around it. King Alfred turned suddenly and tripped over something that caused him to fall into a mud puddle. Rianna heard a childish giggle and saw Jordy retrieve his toy that caused King Alfred to trip, He vanished before anyone could notice him.

Rianna’s father rushed forward to help King Alfred stand, but King Alfred’s weight was to much for him and he fell into the mud as well. Several servants stood by with no idea what to do. Both kings stood up and Rianna’s father suggested a servant take King Alfred to his chambers where he could clean up and then return to the great hall when he was ready. Both kings left the area to recover.

As Rianna huddled in her hiding place, Alison appeared next to her. She whispered, “Rianna, you will be expected to present yourself when the king comes back to the hall but wait in your room to be called. We will take care of the rest. We will do our best to make sure King Alfred changes his mind about marrying you.”

“Thank you, Alison. What are you going to do?”

As Rianna turned for the answer she realized that Alison had disappeared. She slipped from behind the tapestry and hurried to her room. She sat on the bed terrified that her friends might fail.

An hour later, a servant came to Rianna’s room and told her she was expected in the great hall. Rianna nodded and walked slowly toward the hall, as she rounded the corner before entering the hall, Evelyn stepped from the shadows and threw the contents of a bucket on Rianna. Whatever had been in the bucket was foul smelling. The servant with Rianna said, “I’m sorry my lady, but the kings are waiting for you.”

Rianna continued in and noticed her father and King Alfred covered their noses when she approached. Rianna curtsied and said, “I am sorry, but one of the servants slipped and the contents from her bucket landed on me.”

King Alfred choked, “I do not want to know what was in that bucket, but as my wife you will be held to a higher standard than this.”

Rianna flinched, “Yes sir.”

King Alfred turned to Rianna’s father, “Does she have accidents like this often?”        

A voice from the crowd that Rianna recognized as Alison said, “Much worse than this sir. She cannot be trusted. I cannot imagine what she would be like with children.”

Rianna’s father’s face turned crimson, “Who said that?”

Everyone looked around, but of course, Alison had disappeared.

King Alfred made a quick decision. “I cannot marry a woman who could harm my children because of clumsiness. I hope we can continue to be allies, but it will not be through marriage.’

Before Rianna’s father could answer, King Alfred stalked out of the hall with his men. As the last man left, another contingent entered. The young man who entered first was the most handsome man Rianna had ever seen. He looked so kind. Rianna’s father stood up and bellowed, “Who are you?”

The young man stepped forward and said, “I am King Jacob from the kingdom to your East. My father recently passed and as I ascend the throne, I need to take a wife. I would like it to be your daughter.”

Rianna’s father said, “Why would I allow you to marry my daughter?”

Jacob replied, “I can offer you my protection because my army is strong, I am wealthy enough to help you financially and provide for your daughter, and my location can help protect your borders.”

Rianna’s father pointed to Rianna and said, “You will have to ask her for her hand.”

Rianna realized that once Jacob saw and smelled the state she was in, he would change his mind, but he approached her, looked her in the eyes and said, “Lady Rianna, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? I have six sisters who will welcome you into the family and I believe you will love my mother as I do. My kingdom is beautiful and I will treat you with love and respect. Will you accept me?”   

Rianna didn’t even hesitate, “I accept.” She lowered her voice to tell him, “I swear I don’t usually smell like this.”

Jacob winked, “I know. Alison told me everything. When can you be ready to leave?”

“Immediately!”

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8 Ways to make it through the day when you don’t want to

It’s one of those days when you want to pull the covers over your head and stay hidden in your warm cocoon of blankets. Once you pull yourself out of bed you sit at the counter with your cup of coffee in your hands and dread the interactions to come.

Would it surprise you to know that even the most positive, upbeat people have those days when everything feels heavy? The secret to making it through when you want to tap out is that you need to have your mental weapons ready. Here are a few ideas to try to boost your mood and motivation.

· Put on your favorite music depending on your mood. If I’m feeling down, I want to hear something soothing, if I am not motivated, I need something I have to move to and I turn it up loud, If I’m angry, I play the best revenge songs. Music is cheap therapy. Sing along to the music as loud as you can and change the words if you want. I was singing a song yesterday and when I sang the chorus my husband started laughing and said, “Jen, those are not the words.” I have been singing the wrong words for years!

· Eat your favorite breakfast. On the bad days, nutritional value doesn’t count unless the days stretch into months. Eat a pop tart or some killer French toast. Good food can boost your mood.

· Remember you have power over your reactions. When my students walked into class in a bad mood, I would always remind them they had the power to turn their attitude around. You cannot always control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.

· Reach out to someone who makes you laugh. You cannot stay depressed for long when you are laughing.

· Share your feelings with those you trust. This year has been heavy for me, but I felt better when I shared those feelings and discovered there were others who felt the same way.

· Do something fun. If you are able, do activities you enjoy like reading or watching movies.

· Go to bed early. Sleep can be a great remedy. When we are sleep deprived everything seems worse.

· Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling with your mental health, it may be time to ask for professional advice.

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The Mental Strength to Move Forward

 I wrote 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden because I wanted to help some of the many people who struggle with mental health every day. I hoped I could provide some inspiration to show people the possibilities and the light when they only saw despair and darkness.

I knew I wanted to start the book with how to be in a good place mentally to make it easier for everyone to be able to move forward toward the best life possible. Here are the concepts that begin the book.

You are wonderfully made. Everyone has both weaknesses and special qualities. Don’t try to be anything other than your true self. Your real friends are those who love you exactly as you are. Focus on those strengths that make you shine and improve in areas where you want to be better.

Believe you can. Your beliefs become your reality. At the beginning of each semester, I did an exercise with my students to show them the power of negative and positive thoughts. I would ask for a volunteer and then tell the volunteer that he should hold his arm out at shoulder level and repeat, “I will not drop my arm.” After the student repeated this several times, I would tell him I was going to try to pull his arm down, but he shouldn’t let me. I was never able to make him lower his arm. I then asked him to raise his arm again, but this time I told him to say, “I can’t keep my arm up.” This time when I pulled on the arm, the arm dropped immediately. I wanted my students to realize that their energy could affect the outcome of their efforts.

Do not compare yourself to others. Be careful when you find yourself wishing you were like someone else because you don’t know what hidden burdens that person has. Be the best person you can be and celebrate your success as well as the success of those around you. Be grateful for your blessings and realize that imperfection is more interesting and involves inspirational stories.

Do not allow anyone to limit you.  Even your family and friends can hold you back when they don’t think your dreams are realistic. When I told my husband I wanted to be a writer, he told me he wanted to be a pro golfer but that wasn’t going to happen either. I had to draw some boundaries for his attitude about my writing, and he is now supportive of what I am doing. If you love to do something, move forward and prove the haters wrong.

When I was forty-two, I wanted to have a third child. When I mentioned this to others, the reactions were always negative and included comments about my age, how old I would be when my child graduated high school, and the potential for health problems because I was an older mother. I ignored the comments and had my daughter who is the light of my life. I would have missed out on so much joy if I had listened to others.

These are the basics of working on staying strong mentally. Once you can master these tips, you can move forward to use the next set.

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What’s Life without a few scars and brokenness?

Do you allow toxic thoughts to slip in that tell you what a mess you are and how broken you have become? First, let me assure you that you are not the only one to have those thoughts, but they can cause us harm, but there are ways to turn those thoughts around because your mess and your brokenness are all a matter of perception, so here are a few things to remember, and some action steps to take to go from feeling broken to glorious.

Change your thinking. One of the reasons I wrote this article was because I was lying in bed this morning thinking that I really was a mess then I started to argue with myself by finding a few positives about my messy self. I know I am not the only one to struggle with staying positive about myself. Our mind rules the day, so if we can control how we think, we can change a lot. Switch any negative thoughts to positives and see the difference it makes. Tell yourself you are pretty darn wonderful until you believe it yourself.  

List the good things. What are your best qualities? Are you kind? Loyal? Easy to be with? Make a list.

What have your scars and failures done for you? I am a true believer that the more you fail, the more you learn, and sometimes those failures leave mental and physical scars. I have the most scars from parenting, teaching, and karate. Parenting taught me unconditional love, forgiveness and the importance of boundaries, teaching taught me the importance of relationships, and karate taught me that I should never give up because persistence pays off, I should recognize toxic behavior sooner, and just because someone is the person in charge doesn’t mean he should be. If you never fail you will miss out on some valuable lessons.

What are your most glorious stories? Think about those times when you triumphed and it felt glorious. Write them down and relive that feeling. The first one that came to mind for me was when I was an advocate for my oldest daughter. She had started to go to the special education class during reading time because she was below reading level. She started to tell me that the teacher was yelling at them. I told her that a teacher should never yell, but maybe she had a bad day. Then, she came home and told me the teacher called her a liar. I arranged a meeting for the next day, and I made sure the teacher knew what I thought about her methods.

Keep rising up and bring someone with you. It doesn’t matter how many times you mess up. You have a fresh start every day. Hold yourself together with a sense of humor and a refusal to quit. When you figure something out, share the secret with someone else.

Be happy with who you are. I have been a people pleaser most of my life then suddenly I decided I needed to draw some boundaries to protect my peace. I’m happy with who I am and I’m not going to beg someone to be my friend. Don’t worry what others think of you. Deflect the arrows of the people who think they know what is best for you.

I hope these ideas help you to turn the thoughts around to see how glorious you are!