Jennifer’s writing

My husband and I are fire and water. He likes heavy metal, I like country. He likes constant noise(we have a television in each room), and I need quiet sometimes to recharge. He’s a golfer, I’m a runner. I will read anything and everything while he doesn’t get past the sports page. We are even members of different political parties. I think you get the idea that we are very different, but we are madly in love with each other despite these differences.

I don’t think being opposites necessarily means conflict because opposites can complement each other. One person’s strength’s can support the other person’s weaknesses. I am not always comfortable in a large gathering when I don’t know people, but my husband loves meeting new people, and he is amazing at making conversation with anyone. I am in charge of parenting when mind games or creative discipline is needed. I love it when something I try has the desired effect on our children and my husband gives me that astonished look and says, “How do you do that?” Here are some ideas I think will help if you are attracted to your opposite.

Know each other and accept the differences. My husband likes to feel as if he is in control. He is also a perfectionist. I do not need to be in control and I am very easygoing and flexible about how things are done. Although these tendencies are very different, we know that neither of us is going to change, so we make allowances for each other and understand what each other needs. When we go to the grocery store, I let him put the items in the cart in just the right spot even though when I am by myself I throw things in here and there.

Choose your battles. There will be arguments but choose the situations where it is important to take a stand. Not everything is a capital offense.

Show respect. Don’t tear someone down because they are different from you. Embrace those differences, validate them, and realize that those differences will make life much more interesting.

Remove emotion when discussing. When you have different thought patterns and different likes and dislikes, discussions can be emotionally charged. Choose to remove the emotion and discuss and question to understand.

Communicate. Tell each other what you are feeling, what you need, and how to resolve situations.

See the humor. If you can see the humor in life, you have won the battle. Laugh together and diffuse any tension.

Don’t be discouraged if someone you care about is radically different from you. It’s all about finding the right way to navigate the relationship and support each other’s unique qualities.

The COVID experience has been a perfect example of how making choices can have a huge impact on our lives. The pandemic has brought out the best and the worst in people through the choices they have made. This situation is a reflection of what can happen anytime in our lives when we decide how we will act. Here are some of the choices that make a difference in how we live.

Reacting to a negative situation

When we are faced with negativity, we have a choice to respond with the same energy or we can be a better person and respond with kindness. Most of the time when we rise up instead of sinking down, the result has a very positive outcome. When you refuse to fuel negativity with hot emotion, it usually fizzles out. The next time you are faced with someone who is irate or complaining about everything, stay calm and ask a question about the situation. Refuse to engage in a battle of emotions. In France, it is considered polite to greet the clerk as soon as you enter an establishment. My sister, myself, and two of my children had just entered a store when my daughter Jess, who was eight then, ran up to the man and said “Bonjour Monsieur!” I was thinking about how proud I was of her when he began to berate me for not greeting him. (He was very angry.) I calmly explained that I was waiting until I was a little closer to him. He calmed down and said, “Well, la Princesse knew how to act and you taught her to do that so I apologize.” We had a great talk after that and every year that I returned, Jess and I would walk into the store and he would exclaim in French, “The Princess has arrived!!” If I had matched his emotions that would not have happened and yes, his reaction was extreme, but he may have dealt with something that day that brought out that level of emotion.

Understanding vs. judging

It is so easy to jump to judgment when someone acts a certain way or says something that seems odd to us. I struggle with judging people and I am working on understanding instead of thinking someone is choosing or acting badly. Look behind actions to see what is causing them. People act a certain way for a reason and just because it isn’t what you would choose doesn’t mean it isn’t what someone else might need.

My daughter Kait suffers from anxiety. Social interactions are difficult for her because she is always afraid that she will say or do something wrong. During her first year of college, I wanted to talk to her about how much time she spends in bed because I thought it might be a sign of depression. She explained to me that having to interact at school exhausted her. I had to understand how she functions and not judge her because of what works for me.

Speaking out vs silence

When we see injustice we have a choice to speak out against it or remain silent. Although remaining silent might seem easier, it can exact a toll mentally when we feel that we are propagating the problem instead of helping to resolve it. How can you speak out safely? That will depend on your situation, but find a way to have your voice heard.

There are also those moments when silence is golden. Although you may want to express your opinion and judgment on others’ personal choices, determine whether your voice will be a contribution or a detriment. 

Make plans, not excuses

I know many people who are not comfortable with who they are. They want to be smarter, taller, thinner, more athletic, but when solutions are offered, these people have many excuses about why they cannot achieve their goals. They are allowing excuses to keep them from living a happier life. If they could move beyond the excuses and take the first step, they could start making a plan.

Forgive or be bitter

At some point in your life, someone will treat you badly, leaving you with all sorts of negative emotions. It is natural to reflect on what happened and find ways to heal, but if we stay fixated on the problem, it will hang over us and keep us from becoming stronger emotionally. Letting go of negative emotions is liberating. Once you can move beyond an interaction, those feelings will no longer hold you prisoner.

Choose negativity or joy

You are the only one who can allow yourself to be stressed. There are a lot of things that can go wrong in your life but you hold complete power over how you choose to react to them. You can be the calm in the eye of the storm or you can be the wild tornado of emotion and frustration. It is not hard to imagine which choice will make things work out better.

When we use our GPS in our cars, the GPS reroutes us when something goes wrong on our trip. Why can’t we do the same thing when what we are doing doesn’t go according to plan? When you have planned to do something a certain way and there is a kink in the plan, instead of feeling frustrated, think about how it can be done another way.

It is very easy to complain and only see the burdens in our lives but even our burdens can be blessings in disguise if we have the right perspective. Life is too glorious to not live it with joy and gratitude. Make the choices that will improve both you and your life.

You will never see me wearing headphones when I run. I want to hear the conversations that tell me so many of the stories of the runners around me. I almost always meet someone new at races who wants to tell me his or her story. At every race I find myself thinking that I wish more people knew running is about so much more than putting one foot in front of the other. Here is what I see and hear at every race.

Courage

It takes courage if you are struggling with fitness to show up to an event where there are going to be people who make fitness a priority. Many people will never do a race because they are too afraid of failure, so when I see people who have conquered that fear and are taking a step towards a  healthier lifestyle, I think they are courageous.

Struggles

I have heard so many extreme stories of health struggles (both physical and mental) that I accept that at least some of the people at every race are using running to cope.

Inspiration

I don’t have much patience for people who say they cannot exercise after some of the overcomers  I have seen. A good example would be a recent race where a group of veterans were racing. As we ran by a woman in a wheelchair, one of them yelled, “c’mon let’s go!” and the woman replied, “I’m coming as soon as I can get my leg on.” No excuses, just doing what she knew was good for her.

Gratitude

I see people who are grateful that they are able to run. They have survived their own struggles or know how important running is to them.

Hope

Running offers the chance to be better, and stronger. It is a way to defeat any demons holding us back.

Support

Runners support each other whether we know you or you are a stranger. We will cheer harder every time for the last runner than we do for the first across the line. As long as you have shown up at the line, you deserve to be there.

Life has a way of throwing us curve balls every once in a while and our routines, plans, and goals can be thrown into disarray. Once we have things under control again, we have a choice of whether to get back on track or make excuses about why it is too difficult to regroup and move forward. This happened to me with my running. I had been training for my first ultra-marathon for several months. I had logged an insane amount of mileage, read books about the best way to run an ultra, and done my best to eat a healthy diet. I was ready. Unfortunately, that is when life threw me the curveball. I received a phone call from my niece telling me that my sister Patricia had been taken to the hospital and the doctors were not sure if she would make it through the night. I live in Georgia, and my family lives in Connecticut so my husband, oldest daughter, and I caught the next flight out and went straight to the hospital. My sister began a very slow recovery which required us to make one more trip to Connecticut before my race.

Although I am so glad that I was able to see my sister and be there with her, It was difficult to train amidst all the chaos. When the race was a week away, I was wondering if I had trained enough to do it. That’s when I received a blessing in the form of an article about a woman runner who said that if something interferes with your training, do the race anyway. She said to run the race at a slower pace and said you would be able to go farther without a problem. I decided to do the race and I did fine. It taught me that instead of giving up or making excuses, I should stay strong and find an alternative way to accomplish my objective. I think that is true in most areas of our lives. Here are some ideas for you to stay strong too.

Refuse to make excuses. Excuses are the fear of failure. If you try to accomplish something and you fail, figure out another way to do it. Believe you will eventually succeed and remember that nothing that comes easily is as valued as what we have to work hard to achieve.

Regroup after the storm. Sometimes you have to make new goals and it can be discouraging to feel as if you have taken a step backward, but tell yourself that you will achieve even more as you become stronger. You are not defeated until you stop rising back up.

Give yourself grace. We all want the golden ticket immediately but you have to take baby steps sometimes and there will be days when you slip a little in your goals, but you have to keep reminding yourself that you will prevail. I have a friend who has been struggling with her weight for years. She is on a meal plan now that works for her and I love to see her determination to keep going even though she knows the weight loss will not happen overnight.  

Have the right perspective. If you are recovering from an injury and cannot perform an activity as well as you used to, realize that at least you are still doing it and many people will admire you for making an effort. We are often so much harder on ourselves while others have much lower expectations.

Don’t be discouraged. If you have worked hard to achieve something whether it is your fitness level, proficiency at something or anything else that has required time and effort, and you suddenly suffer a setback, you have to adjust your mindset. Instead of thinking that you have lost what you have worked for or cannot regain your satisfaction at some level, tell yourself that you will return back to where you were before and you are going to realize that although it may take time, you will make it. A defeatist attitude will defeat you while believing in the possibilities will propel you forward.

Ask for help. Asking for help is a sign of intelligence, not a sign of weakness. There are people who have strengths that can help us eliminate our weaknesses. Ask questions of people who are good at what you would like to do. Research what you need to know. Be an active participant in your recovery.

Life is a roller coaster ride. If it was always easy, we wouldn’t become stronger and learn from successes and failures. It isn’t what happens to you that counts, it’s how you react to it and the plan you devise to make it better. Stay strong and keep moving forward.

     Parents want the best for their children, and we try to give them a good education, help to build strong character, and offer them the best opportunities. If we add giving them a global perspective, we can increase the possibilities for outstanding opportunities.

     Our children should be aware of what is going on beyond our country’s borders. We need to give them a world view by teaching them world history, and culture, and how to communicate in another language. We have to find a way to spark an interest in the world around them by making what we are teaching them not just something that they will read in a book and then forget. In a society where our children are glued to a screen most of the time, piquing their interest in becoming a global citizen might seem like a daunting task, but there are some very easy things that parents can do to make it happen.

     Here are some ways to provide a global view for your children.

 pen pals from another country

Students at Mount Paran Christian School receive their letters.

www.epals.com is a great site to find a correspondent from many different countries. My French classes wrote to students from two different schools in France, and we skyped with a class from another French school. The correspondence allows the students to learn the culture and language from people their own age who are actually from the country being studied. It brings the study of the language and culture to life. Many of the students have begun following each other on social media. This is a way to start a connection and open communication that could potentially last a lifetime.

Host a student  

There are many local and national organizations and sometimes schools that are looking for a place to stay for an international student. There is usually a small stipend to pay for room and board, but the connections that can be made are priceless. Some organizations that place international students are;

https://www.iseusa.org/        International student exchange

https://exchanges.state.gov/us/schools        Bureau of educational and cultural affairs

https://asse.com/

https://www.isepstudyabroad.org/

Mission trips

     Mission trips allow children and adults to experience another culture and try another language, all while serving others. Many local schools offer trips within both the United States and internationally. Churches always have trips going out throughout the year. Participating in a trip like this can show our children how blessed we are at home and how much need there is in the world. It is both a learning experience and a character builder.

Trips

If your budget will allow it, there is no substitute for traveling as a way to learn about other cultures firsthand. There is a variety of tour options through companies like EF tours or Passport tours, or your local travel agent, or through your local school or church. If you do not speak the language of the country where you are going, it is nice to have a guide that does, so sometimes a guided tour is the way to go. You will make unforgettable memories for your family.

Cultural community events

     Local schools and communities offer international fairs and festivals that are often very inexpensive to attend and offer a glimpse into another culture with changes to interact with activities and sample cultural cuisine.

     Our local school recently held an international fair where parents with international connections were invited to come to host a booth representing their country of origin. The cafeteria was filled with wonderful aromas and beautiful music, while students traveled from booth to booth learning about different countries and having their passports stamped. It was a learning opportunity for the students as well as a chance for the parents to share their heritage.

Language Apps and websites to learn languages

     There are many free apps and websites to help you learn another language. One of the most popular is called Duolingo. https://www.duolingo.com/    Duolingo is a lot like Rosetta Stone but it is free and just as fun to use.

Here are some other free sites to use;

www.babbel.com

http://www.livinglanguage.com/products/additional/ 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/

https://www.memrise.com/

My daughter told me I wasn’t acting like a retired person. When I asked her how a retired person was supposed to act she told me I should be relaxing and putting my feet up. I think that is the perception that many people have of retirement, but there are other options.

Most of us dream of a time when we no longer have to work unless we love what we do and want to continue. We dream of what we will do when that time comes. Those dreams vary from person to person, but they usually include sleeping late, spending time with family, traveling, and enjoying life at a slower pace.

I will admit that when I retired, I did all those things. I was tired after 40 years in the classroom and I remember pointing at the porch swing and telling my husband I was going to spend a lot of time there. After someone has spent a good part of his life working, he is entitled to some rest, but I don’t think retirement only means that we slow down.

Retirement can mean new possibilities. We now have time to pursue other passions. It doesn’t mean we have to sit in the rocker and do nothing, in fact we should probably make sure that’s not what we do. We can still relax and enjoy life more, but I think we also should include physical exercise and mental stimulation. Any movement is fine to keep active and taking up a new hobby, talking with friends, or learning something new are all great forms of mental stimulation.

I retired because my oldest had always asked me to retire when she had a baby so I could help her. I retired in May and the baby came in June. I was excited about retirement because of the chance to spend time with family, but also to spend more time doing some of the things I am passionate about. I finally was able to spend time the way I wanted to. I was also surprised and a little guilty at how much my family needed me at home. My youngest is in college trying to decide on a major and she needs me to be a sounding board for all of the questions she is asking herself about her life path. I am blessed that my husband enjoys my company and comes up from his office to tell me about his latest meeting, and of course, there is the time spent with my daughter and grandson. I am writing, running, learning Italian and guitar without any time constraints. I say all this to encourage you to look at retirement as a chance to keep growing and enjoying life instead of feeling as if your life has to be stagnant. Enjoy the second act!

The last few years have been full of changes and uncertainty. We are seeing our job market change as more people want to work remotely or were forced to change jobs because of the shutdown. Many became creative and started new careers while others are struggling to get by. We have dealt with the fear of the pandemic as our health care system is strained with the weight of patients and the death toll. There has been frustration with conflicting information and families have mourned the loss of loved ones. What do you think the new year will bring? Will we irradicate the virus? Will we solve the problem of the worker shortage?  Will we adapt to all the new changes? Here are a few thoughts I would like to share about the possibilities in the new year.

We can’t always control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it. No matter what 2022 brings us, we can choose to grow from it or complain about it. Whether we see blessings or burdens depends on our attitude. Vern Mclellan says, “What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.”

How resilient you are will be a major factor in 2022. You can choose to let the negatives from the last few years hold you back, or you can regroup, become stronger, and reinvent yourself to be an even better version of yourself. So are you going to complain about your life or kick the excuses to the curb and make 2022 the best year yet?

Sometimes the tough times make us tougher. Be thankful for any lessons the last few years have taught you. I became closer with several family members when we went into lockdown and I have a better understanding of their perspectives on important topics. There are always blessings hidden in the thorns. You only have to open yourself up to see them.

The pandemic has convinced many that it is time to take care of our health. With the help of your doctor and possibly a trainer, design a health regimen that will work for you and that you will do consistently. The key really is to do whatever you choose consistently. Make 2022 the year you are in your best shape yet.

We have seen many examples of giving and kindness at a time when it was so needed. Make a commitment to do random acts of kindness as often as possible. I warn you that they are addictive. Once you do one you will want to do more. Thank the people who helped you this year.

There are so many possibilities for 2022. What memories would you like to make? Take the first step, leave fear behind, and have an amazing 2022.  

Most people probably think that running a race is as simple as showing up, moving into a pack, and running off at the starting whistle, but there are some very important rules of etiquette involved. Here are ten of them.

1. Don’t do the pre-race brag.

This happens when someone comes up to a random stranger and begins to describe what an impressive runner he is. You will hear about him running marathons in all fifty states, and if you seem interested, he will continue to gift you with tales of his prowess until the start of the race.

• Only offer running advice when asked.

I have asked elite runners for advice on different aspects of running after races, but having someone tell you how to run a hill only because you choose to walk a few feet to catch your breath is inappropriate.

• Don’t stop abruptly.

Runners fall into a rhythm and speed, so it can be dangerous if someone stops on a dime in front of you. If you need to stop, move to the side, and hold up your arm to signal you are stopping. By doing this, runners have a chance to adjust. When you pass through the finishing chute, continue all the way through instead of stopping quickly and blocking the people behind you.

• Allow room for faster runners to pass.

If you are a slow runner, stay in the slow lane on the right side. If you are running with a group of friends, do not spread out across the road blocking anyone who wants to pass. On trails, move to the side, especially when a runner signals a wish to pass by saying, “On your left.”

• Be gracious to volunteers

Races cannot happen without the help from volunteers, and often they spend a long time out in unpleasant weather so that runners can enjoy their sport. We all appreciate encouragement, and hearing “Good job! Keep going!” might be what you need to make it over the next hill.

• Encourage fellow runners.

Offering words of encouragement to fellow runners is always welcome. One day, I was struggling up a hill, so I decided to boost my own motivation by encouraging a young lady who had stopped to walk. I said, “C’mon, let’s crush this hill together!” She started to run with me so now I couldn’t stop either because I had committed to making it up the hill with her.

If someone is doing her first race, she might be nervous, so simply saying, “Good job!” can help.

• Navigate water stops.

Move to the side if you are going to stop for water. When you are ready to discard your cup, make sure you will not be throwing it at another runner. Throw cups in the bin or off to the side of the road so the road does not become a slippery mess.

• Be careful where you spit.

I originally titled this don’t spit because I think spitting is gross, but if you have to do it, make sure it is not going to hit another runner. It’s an even better idea to do it where no one has to hear it either.

• Don’t make excuses

Don’t tell the person who beat you that you would have beaten him if you hadn’t broken your leg/had cholera/fallen off a cliff. Be gracious and use any defeat to inspire you to train better.

The faster racers should be at the front of the start line. If you know you are going to run slowly or walk the course, start more to the back. It can affect the flow of a larger race if too many people are trying to get around a slower group.

Racing is so much fun, and it is a social event as well as a physical one. I have met some of my best friends at races. Practice my suggestions for running etiquette and you will have a great experience.

My friend gave me a wonderful compliment recently. She told me that I see beauty where others don’t. I thought a lot about that statement and here is what I think she meant.

Beauty isn’t always found in shiny, pretty things. Have you ever laughed when you see the animal that looks outrageous or the child who is smeared in dirt, with wild hair? Those things are beautiful to me.

I find kindness beautiful. When someone does something nice for someone else when they didn’t have to and it ends up being what the receiver needed desperately. That is beautiful to me.

When someone doesn’t feel uncomfortable around someone who is different or doesn’t avert his eyes when someone has a condition or is having mental health issues is a beautiful sight.

I love rainy days. There is something calm, quiet, and mysterious about them. Sitting on the porch in the summer during a downpour is beautiful.

I would rather be with someone who has a beautiful heart than a beautiful face.

Laughter is beautiful especially if it is with friends or the laughter of a child.

Good food is beautiful.

Silence is beautiful.

Music amazes me with its beauty and I am in awe of the people who have a gift with music.

Books and writing are beautiful because they can lift people up and inspire them.

Where do you see beauty?    

Mental health has been an important topic after the last few tumultuous years. It has been a time of heightened emotions, uncertainty, misinformation, losing loved ones, and a changing job market. We have to be on our toes and mentally sharp so we can adapt and survive. With all this turmoil, we all need some healthy escapes. Let me tell you a few of mine and then I will give you a list of some that might work for you.

Being outside is an escape for me. Any excuse to be out in nature works for me. I love hiking on local trails, poking around in my garden, or sitting on the porch swing.

Running has always been an escape for me. Whenever things became difficult, I went out for a long run. When emotions became too raw, I ran even farther. Running works for me as an escape because the movement and physical escape because the movement and physical demand calm me. Being outside has always comforted me, and if I am angry, I can release that anger on a hill while I mutter and fuss, and no one can hear me except the squirrels.

Books are another escape for me. I love becoming lost in the story. It is an escape for me just being around books. When I walk into a library or bookstore, I can feel my body relax. I think this goes back to my childhood when a trip to the library was such a treat. The library in my town looked like a castle and I found refuge in those nooks and crannies growing up because I was very awkward socially and books were my escape from being different.

Writing allows me to express my emotions when life is overwhelming me. I can lose myself in the words.

Food often makes me feel better because good food is comfort. There is something restorative about cooking and talking and laughing in the kitchen while cooking.

 Here are a few more ideas for healthy escapes.

A great nap.

Music

Camping

Arts and crafts

Video games

Movies

Add whatever lifts you up to the list. Avoid unhealthy escapes like using substances because although you will forget reality for a short time the reality you return to might be tougher than you can handle.