Jennifer’s writing

Being healthy doesn’t have to be difficult or painful. There is a difference between waking up one day and deciding you need to make some changes to your lifestyle and the decision that everything you enjoy has to go, you cannot ever eat dessert again, and you are going to do a marathon in a month, and you don’t run. The first approach allows you to make some realistic, positive, and easy changes, and the second is doomed for failure. Going to extremes rarely has a good outcome, so let’s see if there are some easier ways to make some changes.

What do you want to change?

Instead of saying you want to change everything, write down specific things you would like to improve in your life. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to eat healthier or be more active? Do you need to work on your mental health, your relationships, or your career? Write down everything you want without thinking about whether it is possible. What would you change if there were no limits and no barriers? Writing down what you want makes it more real, and you will feel more accountable.

Set some goals, but start where you are.

Set goals that you can easily meet and then when you crush them, you can make harder ones. Don’t start out with goals that will discourage you. Remember who won the race between the tortoise and the hare. Take baby steps and you will gradually become stronger. I told my husband I didn’t like the way my stomach looked, but instead of going crazy at the gym, I decided to do something that I would do consistently, and would not be especially difficult. I do a certain number of sit-ups every morning before I leave my room. A month after doing this, I can already see a difference.

Make a plan that will help you have success with your goals.

How are you going to make this happen? Saying you have a goal is the first step, now you need to decide what can you do to make it happen. Brainstorm with friends and family. Remember to tailor this to your needs and abilities.

How does your lifestyle factor into your health and what will you have to do so that changes will work?

You may have to make some lifestyle changes, and some changes to your behavior to see your health improve. What are your triggers to overeat? What need is a bad habit filling for you? If you smoke or drink excessively in certain situations, you will have to make some changes. Look at your life including relationships and decide what is keeping you from being happy and the best you can be.

What will you stick with?

Don’t make goals that you know will be too difficult to achieve because you will become discouraged and give up. Start slowly and build each day. Consistency is the key to success.

Eliminate those temptations, but keep some junk too.

If weight loss is your goal, you can still eat what you love as long as you control the portions. There are certain foods though that are too much of a temptation for anyone. There are foods that I refuse to buy because I cannot control myself around them. Also, find out what kind of food makes you gain weight. I think everyone is a little different in this area. There are obvious foods like desserts, but for example, I cannot eat crackers without watching the scales rise. If you were wondering what food I cannot have around, it’s frosted animal crackers, and I am a lover of salt, so I can consume large quantities of chips.

Don’t forget your mental health.

We tend to focus on our physical health, but we have to take care of the mental side too. What can you do to lessen the stress in your life, and what can you do to maintain a happy, positive attitude? Every day, even if it’s only for five minutes, take some time to sit in silence and let your mind go blank and relax. I use the time I am out running for this. It gives you a chance to recharge.

Keep track of your progress

Keep a journal and detail the journey. Praise yourself for what worked, and rework what didn’t.

Start small, keep it simple, be excited about the possibilities, leave the excuses at the door, and watch your life change.

What gifts do you enjoy giving or receiving? Gifts can offer so much more than a material thing. A gift can lift someone’s spirits, help them through a tough time, and show your love and appreciation. The effect of a gift can be long lasting and giving a gift can be as powerful as receiving one. The best part is that gifts do not have to be elaborate or expensive. A simple gift can be the most powerful. Let me give you some examples of amazing gifts that were very simple.

Gifts of food

I love to eat, and I am always hungry, so gifts of food mean a lot to me. I am addicted to sausage biscuits from McDonald’s, and one of my colleagues would bring me one if he went there. That little biscuit made my day. I taught teenagers and they are always hungry, so I would bring in snacks. I loved seeing their faces when they discovered there was food. Find out what your friends enjoy and either make something or pick something up for them. Knowing that someone was thinking of you makes a big difference.

Gifts of kindness

Everyday life can be tough sometimes, and a gift of kindness can make tough times a little easier. Offering to help in some small way can help ease the burden.

Cards

Notes can be the perfect way to lift someone’s spirits. Tell someone how much you appreciate her. My favorite cards are the homemade ones with artwork that shows some time was put into the construction. I save my cards and pull them out when I need a lift.

Compliments

Sprinkle compliments like confetti and watch people light up. A basic complement can make a bigger difference than you would think, and the effect can be long-lasting.  

A gift that shows you know a person well

If you know someone who loves to write, a simple journal will show you know what his passion is. If someone loves to bake, put together a simple package of baking tools.

Flowers

Color and beauty can always give a boost to a mood. You don’t need to spend a fortune on them. Most grocery stores discount flowers after several days, and they are still

Handmade gifts  

Handmade gifts can be beautiful. I have friends who know how to make body scrubs and candles. Several make quilts with t-shirts, and others love to crochet and knit. My husband makes beautiful furniture and has gifted all of us with at least one piece.

Use your personal gifts and resources to give those simple gifts that have such a huge impact.

We have all had those moments is dealt a blow, whether it is illness or a death in the family, or another serious event. You feel helpless because you do not want to intrude, but you want to help in some way. It’s always a good idea to ask how you can help, but most of the time people feel uncomfortable asking for anything. Here are a few ideas that might help.

Food is love and when someone is struggling, providing a meal is almost always appreciated. Check for allergies and preferences. You can arrange for friends to come together and create a meal train. https://www.mealtrain.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6KvJz6bB9QIVIw_nCh0WlwvWEAAYASAAEgJzqfD_BwE

Flowers usually lift people’s spirits by adding some color and beauty. Include a card expressing your support and thoughts. Here are some spots to order.

https://farmgirlflowers.com/

https://fromyouflowers.com

Offer to do things that will help make life easier. You can baby-sit, watch animals, grocery shop, mow the yard, or tend the garden. Make a coupon book that can be used to help out when necessary.

Check on the person regularly, not only when the initial problem arises. When people forget about the person, and carry on with their lives, it can be very lonely.

Ask the person to come out for coffee or lunch.

If money is an issue, raise money through go fund me or my asking family and friends to help.

Even though I always feel as if saying I’m sorry and I’m praying like so many others, those words are appreciated.

Remember that anything presented in love will be appreciated.

Sometimes even the experts don’t have the answers. When Covid first entered our lives, we felt blindsided. We were afraid, and we didn’t know how to protect ourselves, so we turned to the expert for answers. The problem with that was the experts didn’t have the answers. The recommendations seemed to change daily, and it caused people to lose faith in the people they need to trust. I can appreciate it more when someone says they don’t have a definitive answer than when someone continually sends out information that fluctuates each day.

People perceive what the media presents to us in different ways.

My husband does not enjoy watching the nightly news because he says they are trying to promote fear by making everything sound dire. I didn’t understand this perception until we were watching it together and he reacted to a piece about voting, and I realized that like many other things it all depends on your perception because what he saw as too dramatic was only normal reporting to me.

There can be peace in the middle of chaos. I was teaching in 2020 when we were told we had a day to bring home what we needed to teach remotely. We were going into a lockdown. People were scared, uncertain of what to do, nervous about catching the virus, and as teachers, we were nervous about providing good lessons. I felt peaceful through most of it. I decided to have faith that I would take things a day at a time and deal with whatever each day brought. We can always choose how we react.

There are positives in every situation. Being home more strengthened our family relationships. We spend more time talking with each other, cooking great meals, and laughing together. I even have a better relationship with the cat. It turns out he only wanted me to spend more time with him. I don’t drive as much or run around to stores and restaurants. I have more time to rest and reflect. I have noticed a lot of things that I was too busy to notice before. Another positive is your mask can cover up any imperfections and it keeps you warmer in the winter.

We are the best when we help each other. Out of bad comes good, and as awful the situation with Covid has been, we have also seen an outpouring of positive humanity. I was so proud of our country when people stepped up to feed the hungry and help in other ways. I hope we continue to make it a priority to help those who need it.

A pandemic will show the true side of a person. While I was proud of the many people who stepped up to help others, the pandemic also brought out the worse in some people. I saw judgment and arguments where there should have been understanding, compassion, and support. I was so disappointed to see the ugly side of several friends.

Taking care of your health is important. Covid has shone a light on our health and the need for us to take care of ourselves to the best of our ability, and that includes our mental and physical health. I hope more people will decide to make good health a priority. Take baby steps through easy goals but start now to be healthier. We need to be as strong as possible to beat this virus. I am so used to doctors telling me to rest and not push myself when recovering from an illness that I was surprised when the doctor I spoke to about Covid told me to push myself to the limit, to strengthen my lungs, and to not let this thing win.

I know I will continue to learn from this pandemic, and there will be both positive and negative, but I will continue to look for the lessons.

     I am a professional at multi-tasking. If I am not doing at least two things at once then I am planning how to fit in three more in the next hour. I can only sit down for short periods before I jump back up remembering one more thing I want to accomplish.

     Unfortunately, I have been afflicted with this problem all my life. I can hear my mother saying, “Jennifer, you don’t know how to relax.” Now, I may have heard my mom saying that, but the voice I listened to was my dad saying, “There is always something else that needs to be done.” I knew I needed intervention when I came home from a minor surgical procedure with orders to rest for the rest of the day, and as I lay on the couch watching television, each of my children looked at me and said “Mom, are you sick?” That’s when I thought “O.K. maybe I need to slow down a little.”

     The fact is though in our busy lives it often seems if we slow down, life will run us over. If I go a day without doing laundry, a mountain suddenly looms from the clothes basket. If I don’t prepare all the children’s clothes/snacks/errant shoes for the next day, the following morning is chaos. The truth is though that time doing relaxing activities or doing nothing is important to our health. Study after study proves that stress harms our health, ages us, and often leads to an early death. Each of us needs to learn to reconnect to that ability to enjoy life like a small child does, free from responsibility if only for a few moments. Here are some ideas of activities to do to learn to relax. Remember you may only do one of these at a time, and you should only do it if it sounds like fun!

Meditate                       

Sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, breathe deeply and imagine an ideal scene for you. Visualize something wonderful you want to happen. See it happening and believe it is possible.  

Read                      

 Pick up a great book and leave the world behind for a while as you explore a fantasy world or learn something new.

Connect with friends   

 Go down the numbers on your cell phone and call some friends you have not spoken to in a while. Send out some long overdue e-mails. Get together with some friends to share some stories and laughter.

Sleep                              

Take a nap or sleep a little later in the morning. Stretch out the  length of the bed like the cat.

Watch television          

  Find programs that make you laugh or intrigue you, or bring you comfort or inspiration.

Sit on a porch.

Put your feet up on the railing and watch others multitask while you rest.

Take a bath         

Close the bathroom door and slip into a hot bath as your troubles melt away.

Listen to music             

Put on your favorite songs and listen to them.

Play with a child          

When you watch a child play, you will see complete focus and enjoyment of the moment. Move at your child’s speed and observe all the amazing things they see that we have forgotten to notice. 

Learn from your cat      

My cat knows how to relax. He eats at a leisurely pace, takes a bath, and can take one of his frequent naps anywhere.

Cook for pleasure          

By this, I mean cook because you want to not because you have to. Cooking can be extremely relaxing.

Make a not to-do list    

Occasionally make a list of tasks you can eliminate or that someone else can do for you.

     Find an activity that makes you happy and feel the sense of relaxation wash over you. I hope you enjoyed my list and that you can add to it, I am going to curl up in the sun next to my cat and my daughter and learn some more of their secrets for relaxation.

I would love to tell you that I am naturally wise and I have always known about the list that I am going to share with you about what children need, but it has taken me three children of my own and thirty-nine years of teaching other people’s children to know what I do now. Parenting is a tricky business and there is not a guidebook that you can pull out in difficult times. Children are all slightly different and the technique that worked once to solve a problem will probably not work the next time. What I am suggesting to you are elements of relationships that everyone needs to have to grow and be happy. If you have these consistently in your relationship, the little things will eventually fall into place.

Love

This has to be the number one element when parenting. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, but you have to be able to love your children. Love does not mean that you give in to every want, but it means that you try to meet the needs. Your child needs your hugs, your affection, and the knowledge that you are in charge and going to protect him or her.

Boundaries/consequences

Children need to know what the boundaries of good and bad behavior are and when they are sure of those boundaries they are happy because they know someone besides themselves is in control. It makes them feel safe. If you allow them to run crazy because you feel they need to express themselves, you may be creating a disaster.

Teach your child that for any choice there is a consequence. Be very clear about what the consequences are for good and bad behavior, and be consistent about enforcing those consequences.

Grace

Give yourself grace when you stumble in your parenting role. If you were in the wrong, saying you are sorry to your child is a teachable moment. Your child will realize that you are fair and that we should admit when we make mistakes. You will find times when your child needs grace too. Life for a child can be demanding, so make some room for fun.

Encouragement

Be your child’s cheerleader and advocate. Catch them doing the good and redirect them when they need it. Show your pride in their accomplishments, and make sure they know you support them. Know the difference between encouragement and enabling. If you do the work for your child and don’t teach them how to navigate situations, you are not teaching them how to do life. There are moments though when you may have to step in and take over if there is a situation that warrants it.

Time

Children want to be with you. You can watch movies together, read, color, go for walks, anything that allows you to be together. Time goes by so quickly that you will want to make your memories. Don’t let your work take over.

Prayer

Prayer helps with everything and it is calming as well and we all know there are a lot of times we need to calm down.

A chance to be them

Don’t make your child something he is not. Even though you might want him to play football, if he doesn’t want to be an athlete and would rather be part of the theater program, let him choose.

A model

Your children are always watching you and although they might not admit it, they usually want to be like you. Do your best to be a good human being.

Understanding

Our children’s world is different than ours was. Understand that there are differences, and have honest communication with them about what they are experiencing.

There are so many different ways that limitations are imposed on you. It might be someone expecting you to do things his way, it could be judgment, it could be due to age or gender stereotypes, and the list continues. Let me give you a few examples in my life and how I throw off those limitations.

 My husband has rules for everything. There is a certain way to load the grocery cart, do the laundry, mow the yard, and the list continues. It is not acceptable to veer from these rules. However, God has a sense of humor, and he paired me with this poor man. Although I follow most important rules, I also believe in trying things outside the box. An example is my approach to gardening. I think gardening should be fun, and I love to try new things to see what works. When I wanted to do a planting of lettuce and carrots in late August, my husband told me that was against gardening rules, so I told him I wanted to try to see what happened. Luckily, it worked, and I have plenty of lettuce and carrots in January. If I always followed standard rules, I wouldn’t be able to play with the possibilities. I do know though that he doesn’t understand when I break the rules and I want to respect and acknowledge his way of thinking, so I take the time to explain my reasoning to him. It has worked beautifully and while I let him load the grocery cart, he allows me to stray from convention now and then.

I never understand the stereotypes that people have about age. It really is only a number, and what you can do at any age is determined by many factors. If you don’t take care of the machine it won’t run well for as long as you would like it to. Since I have retired, my youngest has made several comments about how I need to slow down and act like a retired person. My idea of a retired person is someone who finally has time to do whatever I want. I don’t have time to listen to people tell me I cannot do something because of my age.

My biggest advice about limitations is to tell you to not listen to people who tell you that your dream is impossible. If you are passionate about something then you were meant to do it. You may find that even those close to you do not support you. Do it for yourself. Don’t wait for others to be your cheerleaders.

Whatever you want to do but feel limited, make a plan to burst through and accomplish your goals.    

I started my garden early this year which drove my rule-following husband a little crazy, but I was lucky that we only had one or two cold mornings so now my garden is flourishing. That statement is amazing to me because I do not have a green thumb and I actually think I could kill kudzu. Even though I am not a talented or knowledgeable gardener, I love working in my garden and I have seen the positive effect that gardening can have. Let me tell you why I think it is powerful. When I first plant anything there is anticipation to see what the small seeds will produce. Watching them turn into sustainable food shows the force that nature has to provide us with what we need. Once your garden starts to provide you with produce, it makes you feel capable of providing food for the table. You will feel as if you have created a masterpiece.

Watching plants grow is fascinating. They know what they need to survive as they turn towards the sun. They stretch out tendrils for something to grab onto and climb. They have their own form of intelligence as they do what will help them survive. Watching plants reveals there are different forms of life beyond ourselves and we can help them thrive to help us be healthy as well.

Working in the dirt is good therapy. There is something so calming about tending a garden. I look forward to going out each morning to check on how everything looks. My husband built me an enclosed area with raised beds because, for several years in a row, something ate all my corn the day before I was going to harvest it. A lawnmower cannot go in there so I use my power shears to keep the grass trimmed, I help a stray tendril latch onto something, and I pull out weeds. I don’t have to think about anything very serious and I can enjoy being surrounded by nature.

Green space is beautiful and soothing. When I am in the garden I like to listen to the noises around me. I hear the birds, the squirrels, the wind chimes, and the neighbors out doing their chores. All those sounds are comforting to me which is why I never bring music out when I am outside. Nature has its own music.

Many of my neighbors do not have a garden. This gives me a chance to share with our community. The neighbors next to us love green beans and I always have more than enough so I can share those. The little boy across the street loves cucumbers as much as I do and I love to see his face when I come walking over with some for him. Food is love so having a garden is a way to share a little love.

We all need to do some type of movement every day and gardening is the perfect way to exercise without too much exertion. Anyone will tell you that if you spend enough time tending a garden, you will have sore muscles the next day.  

It is easy to head for the couch or our favorite chair when we have been busy and we are tired, but going outside is good for us, and gardening can move us outside to do something enjoyable. Being in the fresh air can revitalize us.

Gardening allows us to nurture something. Plants have to be cared for in order to grow well. They will yield the best product if we take care of their needs by watering them, weeding around, and making sure everything is in order. It feels good to take care of something especially when what we are taking care of is going to ultimately help us. I have to confess that I talk to the plants and sometimes being able to talk to something that cannot talk back is exactly what we need.

Working in the garden can be a family activity. Children love to see things grow so allow each child to be in charge of one part of the garden. They will enjoy feeling like they are responsible for growing some of the family’s food.

Gardening can be economical. My father had a massive garden. I did not realize it at the time but that garden saved us a lot of money and kept us from going hungry in the winter. I remember collecting green beans, peas, and cucumbers and sitting around the table and talking while we shelled peas and took the ends off the green beans. My mom would can anything extra and put it in our cellar and then we would eat that throughout the winter.

I hope I have convinced you of the importance of gardening. Don’t be afraid that you cannot do it because I am proof that anyone can garden. Even if you are busy, gardening might be what you need to relieve stress.

Several years ago, I ran my first ultra and I fell in love with the race. I am not an elite runner, so my goal has never been to win an ultra. I compete against my last performance, and with each new race, I am trying to push myself a little farther. I have been fascinated with the problem-solving aspect of ultras. You have to figure out how to fuel, hydrate, what to wear, how to avoid injury, and when you have reached your limit. Each race I learn a little more, but I am always faced with a nagging pain in my kidneys after about mile 32. The pain lasts a few days and then disappears. I want to discover why this happens, and how I can prevent it.

When I told a friend about what I was feeling, she said, “I have another friend who does ultras, and he complained of the same thing. He researched it, and discovered that the pain was coming from his kidneys, and running long distance can cause temporary kidney damage that clears up in several days.” My first reaction was to panic and think, “What? , I damaged my kidneys?!!” Then I wanted to know more about the situation, so here is what I discovered.  

• 40% of our body mass is skeletal muscle. Excessive running can damage muscle cells causing them to be disrupted, and release potentially toxic substances into the bloodstream. The term rhabdomyolysis means dissolution of skeletal muscle. It is actually very common.
• Taking ibuprofen when running long distances doubles the risk of injury to the kidneys. It decreases the blood flow to the kidneys.
• Blood in your urine is somewhat normal after extreme distances, but brown or black urine is a sign of kidney failure, and requires immediate care.
• Renal failure is rare unless there are a combination of factors such as dehydration, ibuprofen use, low fitness, or bacterial infection.
• Dehydration can lead to the pain in the kidneys.
• The pain will usually subside in 48 hours.
• There may be trouble if you no longer have to urinate.

Now that we know the why for the pain, here are the dos and don’ts to make sure it doesn’t happen in the first place.

• Do not take Advil, Motrin, Alieve, Celebrex, or analgesics before or during distance running.
• If you are on antibiotics do not run extreme distances.
• Do not race if you have recently had a viral or bacterial infection.
• Do not over or under hydrate.
• Monitor your urine output and color.
• Train well. A well-trained body can better support the stress being put on it.
• Listen to your body.
• Eat a good breakfast the morning of the race.
• Rest the day before a race.

My doctor treats me like a member of his family, so he was the first person whom I thought to ask about the kidney pain. He does not really understand why I would want to run an ultra, but he understands my passion for running in general. Last year, an x-ray revealed I had sprained my neck in karate. My doctor scheduled a visit for me with a neurosurgeon and told me that until I had that visit, I would have to stop running because it was too dangerous. I said, “Dr. Elsbree, you know I can’t do that.” He made a lot of calculations, and then said, “O.k. two miles a day.” This time I just gave him an incredulous look, and he said, “O.k. promise me you’ll run soft like an Indian.”  Here is what Dr. Elsbree said about avoiding kidney pain. “The pain has to do with musculoskeletal stress, particularly because of bending from fatigue further in the race. My advice is to stay as well hydrated as possible.

A study links marathon running to acute kidney injury, but it’s temporary. Dr. Martin Hoffman, a health sciences clinical professor at the University of California, Davis, and a founding member of the Ultra Sports Science Foundation says,

“It’s also important to keep this all in perspective,” he said. “While there may be some risks with marathon running, the lack of regular exercise among most of our population is far more dangerous and costly to society than the overall risks from participation in marathon running.”

What must it be like when someone you have known and loved most of your life no longer knows who you are? I think it would be heartbreaking to watch someone try to hold onto precious memories. I imagine it would be like watching a flickering candle; sometimes the flame burns brightly, and other times, the light sputters and struggles to remain lit.

Remember When

Remember when you looked me in the eyes as if no one else existed but me

Now there are so many things that distract you and make your eyes wander

Remember when you just wanted to be with me and I was your North Star

Now you wander aimlessly and wonder where you are

Remember when your face lit up when I walked into the room

Now you have a question in your eyes

Remember when you knew me better than anyone

Now you don’t remember my name

Now while you struggle with the fog in your mind

I will remember when