Jennifer’s writing

I would love to tell you that I am naturally wise and I have always known about the list that I am going to share with you about what children need, but it has taken me three children of my own and thirty-nine years of teaching other people’s children to know what I do now. Parenting is a tricky business and there is not a guidebook that you can pull out in difficult times. Children are all slightly different and the technique that worked once to solve a problem will probably not work the next time. What I am suggesting to you are elements of relationships that everyone needs to have to grow and be happy. If you have these consistently in your relationship, the little things will eventually fall into place.

Love

This has to be the number one element when parenting. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, but you have to be able to love your children. Love does not mean that you give in to every want, but it means that you try to meet the needs. Your child needs your hugs, your affection, and the knowledge that you are in charge and going to protect him or her.

Boundaries/consequences

Children need to know what the boundaries of good and bad behavior are and when they are sure of those boundaries they are happy because they know someone besides themselves is in control. It makes them feel safe. If you allow them to run crazy because you feel they need to express themselves, you may be creating a disaster.

Teach your child that for any choice there is a consequence. Be very clear about what the consequences are for good and bad behavior, and be consistent about enforcing those consequences.

Grace

Give yourself grace when you stumble in your parenting role. If you were in the wrong, saying you are sorry to your child is a teachable moment. Your child will realize that you are fair and that we should admit when we make mistakes. You will find times when your child needs grace too. Life for a child can be demanding, so make some room for fun.

Encouragement

Be your child’s cheerleader and advocate. Catch them doing the good and redirect them when they need it. Show your pride in their accomplishments, and make sure they know you support them. Know the difference between encouragement and enabling. If you do the work for your child and don’t teach them how to navigate situations, you are not teaching them how to do life. There are moments though when you may have to step in and take over if there is a situation that warrants it.

Time

Children want to be with you. You can watch movies together, read, color, go for walks, anything that allows you to be together. Time goes by so quickly that you will want to make your memories. Don’t let your work take over.

Prayer

Prayer helps with everything and it is calming as well and we all know there are a lot of times we need to calm down.

A chance to be them

Don’t make your child something he is not. Even though you might want him to play football, if he doesn’t want to be an athlete and would rather be part of the theater program, let him choose.

A model

Your children are always watching you and although they might not admit it, they usually want to be like you. Do your best to be a good human being.

Understanding

Our children’s world is different than ours was. Understand that there are differences, and have honest communication with them about what they are experiencing.

There are so many different ways that limitations are imposed on you. It might be someone expecting you to do things his way, it could be judgment, it could be due to age or gender stereotypes, and the list continues. Let me give you a few examples in my life and how I throw off those limitations.

 My husband has rules for everything. There is a certain way to load the grocery cart, do the laundry, mow the yard, and the list continues. It is not acceptable to veer from these rules. However, God has a sense of humor, and he paired me with this poor man. Although I follow most important rules, I also believe in trying things outside the box. An example is my approach to gardening. I think gardening should be fun, and I love to try new things to see what works. When I wanted to do a planting of lettuce and carrots in late August, my husband told me that was against gardening rules, so I told him I wanted to try to see what happened. Luckily, it worked, and I have plenty of lettuce and carrots in January. If I always followed standard rules, I wouldn’t be able to play with the possibilities. I do know though that he doesn’t understand when I break the rules and I want to respect and acknowledge his way of thinking, so I take the time to explain my reasoning to him. It has worked beautifully and while I let him load the grocery cart, he allows me to stray from convention now and then.

I never understand the stereotypes that people have about age. It really is only a number, and what you can do at any age is determined by many factors. If you don’t take care of the machine it won’t run well for as long as you would like it to. Since I have retired, my youngest has made several comments about how I need to slow down and act like a retired person. My idea of a retired person is someone who finally has time to do whatever I want. I don’t have time to listen to people tell me I cannot do something because of my age.

My biggest advice about limitations is to tell you to not listen to people who tell you that your dream is impossible. If you are passionate about something then you were meant to do it. You may find that even those close to you do not support you. Do it for yourself. Don’t wait for others to be your cheerleaders.

Whatever you want to do but feel limited, make a plan to burst through and accomplish your goals.    

I started my garden early this year which drove my rule-following husband a little crazy, but I was lucky that we only had one or two cold mornings so now my garden is flourishing. That statement is amazing to me because I do not have a green thumb and I actually think I could kill kudzu. Even though I am not a talented or knowledgeable gardener, I love working in my garden and I have seen the positive effect that gardening can have. Let me tell you why I think it is powerful. When I first plant anything there is anticipation to see what the small seeds will produce. Watching them turn into sustainable food shows the force that nature has to provide us with what we need. Once your garden starts to provide you with produce, it makes you feel capable of providing food for the table. You will feel as if you have created a masterpiece.

Watching plants grow is fascinating. They know what they need to survive as they turn towards the sun. They stretch out tendrils for something to grab onto and climb. They have their own form of intelligence as they do what will help them survive. Watching plants reveals there are different forms of life beyond ourselves and we can help them thrive to help us be healthy as well.

Working in the dirt is good therapy. There is something so calming about tending a garden. I look forward to going out each morning to check on how everything looks. My husband built me an enclosed area with raised beds because, for several years in a row, something ate all my corn the day before I was going to harvest it. A lawnmower cannot go in there so I use my power shears to keep the grass trimmed, I help a stray tendril latch onto something, and I pull out weeds. I don’t have to think about anything very serious and I can enjoy being surrounded by nature.

Green space is beautiful and soothing. When I am in the garden I like to listen to the noises around me. I hear the birds, the squirrels, the wind chimes, and the neighbors out doing their chores. All those sounds are comforting to me which is why I never bring music out when I am outside. Nature has its own music.

Many of my neighbors do not have a garden. This gives me a chance to share with our community. The neighbors next to us love green beans and I always have more than enough so I can share those. The little boy across the street loves cucumbers as much as I do and I love to see his face when I come walking over with some for him. Food is love so having a garden is a way to share a little love.

We all need to do some type of movement every day and gardening is the perfect way to exercise without too much exertion. Anyone will tell you that if you spend enough time tending a garden, you will have sore muscles the next day.  

It is easy to head for the couch or our favorite chair when we have been busy and we are tired, but going outside is good for us, and gardening can move us outside to do something enjoyable. Being in the fresh air can revitalize us.

Gardening allows us to nurture something. Plants have to be cared for in order to grow well. They will yield the best product if we take care of their needs by watering them, weeding around, and making sure everything is in order. It feels good to take care of something especially when what we are taking care of is going to ultimately help us. I have to confess that I talk to the plants and sometimes being able to talk to something that cannot talk back is exactly what we need.

Working in the garden can be a family activity. Children love to see things grow so allow each child to be in charge of one part of the garden. They will enjoy feeling like they are responsible for growing some of the family’s food.

Gardening can be economical. My father had a massive garden. I did not realize it at the time but that garden saved us a lot of money and kept us from going hungry in the winter. I remember collecting green beans, peas, and cucumbers and sitting around the table and talking while we shelled peas and took the ends off the green beans. My mom would can anything extra and put it in our cellar and then we would eat that throughout the winter.

I hope I have convinced you of the importance of gardening. Don’t be afraid that you cannot do it because I am proof that anyone can garden. Even if you are busy, gardening might be what you need to relieve stress.

Several years ago, I ran my first ultra and I fell in love with the race. I am not an elite runner, so my goal has never been to win an ultra. I compete against my last performance, and with each new race, I am trying to push myself a little farther. I have been fascinated with the problem-solving aspect of ultras. You have to figure out how to fuel, hydrate, what to wear, how to avoid injury, and when you have reached your limit. Each race I learn a little more, but I am always faced with a nagging pain in my kidneys after about mile 32. The pain lasts a few days and then disappears. I want to discover why this happens, and how I can prevent it.

When I told a friend about what I was feeling, she said, “I have another friend who does ultras, and he complained of the same thing. He researched it, and discovered that the pain was coming from his kidneys, and running long distance can cause temporary kidney damage that clears up in several days.” My first reaction was to panic and think, “What? , I damaged my kidneys?!!” Then I wanted to know more about the situation, so here is what I discovered.  

• 40% of our body mass is skeletal muscle. Excessive running can damage muscle cells causing them to be disrupted, and release potentially toxic substances into the bloodstream. The term rhabdomyolysis means dissolution of skeletal muscle. It is actually very common.
• Taking ibuprofen when running long distances doubles the risk of injury to the kidneys. It decreases the blood flow to the kidneys.
• Blood in your urine is somewhat normal after extreme distances, but brown or black urine is a sign of kidney failure, and requires immediate care.
• Renal failure is rare unless there are a combination of factors such as dehydration, ibuprofen use, low fitness, or bacterial infection.
• Dehydration can lead to the pain in the kidneys.
• The pain will usually subside in 48 hours.
• There may be trouble if you no longer have to urinate.

Now that we know the why for the pain, here are the dos and don’ts to make sure it doesn’t happen in the first place.

• Do not take Advil, Motrin, Alieve, Celebrex, or analgesics before or during distance running.
• If you are on antibiotics do not run extreme distances.
• Do not race if you have recently had a viral or bacterial infection.
• Do not over or under hydrate.
• Monitor your urine output and color.
• Train well. A well-trained body can better support the stress being put on it.
• Listen to your body.
• Eat a good breakfast the morning of the race.
• Rest the day before a race.

My doctor treats me like a member of his family, so he was the first person whom I thought to ask about the kidney pain. He does not really understand why I would want to run an ultra, but he understands my passion for running in general. Last year, an x-ray revealed I had sprained my neck in karate. My doctor scheduled a visit for me with a neurosurgeon and told me that until I had that visit, I would have to stop running because it was too dangerous. I said, “Dr. Elsbree, you know I can’t do that.” He made a lot of calculations, and then said, “O.k. two miles a day.” This time I just gave him an incredulous look, and he said, “O.k. promise me you’ll run soft like an Indian.”  Here is what Dr. Elsbree said about avoiding kidney pain. “The pain has to do with musculoskeletal stress, particularly because of bending from fatigue further in the race. My advice is to stay as well hydrated as possible.

A study links marathon running to acute kidney injury, but it’s temporary. Dr. Martin Hoffman, a health sciences clinical professor at the University of California, Davis, and a founding member of the Ultra Sports Science Foundation says,

“It’s also important to keep this all in perspective,” he said. “While there may be some risks with marathon running, the lack of regular exercise among most of our population is far more dangerous and costly to society than the overall risks from participation in marathon running.”

What must it be like when someone you have known and loved most of your life no longer knows who you are? I think it would be heartbreaking to watch someone try to hold onto precious memories. I imagine it would be like watching a flickering candle; sometimes the flame burns brightly, and other times, the light sputters and struggles to remain lit.

Remember When

Remember when you looked me in the eyes as if no one else existed but me

Now there are so many things that distract you and make your eyes wander

Remember when you just wanted to be with me and I was your North Star

Now you wander aimlessly and wonder where you are

Remember when your face lit up when I walked into the room

Now you have a question in your eyes

Remember when you knew me better than anyone

Now you don’t remember my name

Now while you struggle with the fog in your mind

I will remember when

The best way to describe the past few years is unexpected, uncertain, and crazy. Our lives have been changed in almost every way, and as always, we have a choice on how to react to the chaos. We can be angry when we go out to eat and have to wait, we can panic when the store shelves have missing items, and we can criticize our teachers and administrators, but that probably will only make the situation worse. What if instead, we give grace as often as possible and throw in some kindness. This is a time to remember that you were raised to be polite and understand others.

My husband listened to me today as I made appointments for the dermatologist for him and my daughter. The woman who was helping me was on the struggle bus and nothing was working for her, so it was taking forever to process new patient information. Not only did I cheerfully continue to repeat what I had just said, but I told her several times that I appreciated her efforts. Have you ever noticed how surprised someone seems when you compliment them? That tells me it doesn’t happen very often. Don’t be that person who takes out your frustration on someone who is doing the best to perform a task. At the end of the call, she gave my daughter an emergency spot for the next day because she is suffering from severe eczema. My husband told me that people are extra-kind to me. I believe that the actions you put out come back to you, so if someone is kind to me, it’s because I am trying to treat them well.

Everyone is struggling right now, and more than ever it’s a time when kindness is needed. Do your best to do acts of kindness. Do you know someone who has COVID? What if you left a meal at the person’s door? Is someone you know struggling financially? Are you in a position to help? Even bringing some groceries could help. Brainstorm some acts of kindness and you will be amazed at how much fun it is to spread kindness.

Show some grace, try to understand that things are not normal and do something to help instead of making the issues worse.

The way you start your day can create your mood and influence the rest of the day. Choose to start it off in a way that will make you happy, relaxed, and ready to take on what life is going to throw at you.

You can choose what will work best for you and what fills you up the most. I have a friend who gets up at four to read something inspirational and reflect on what the day will bring. I enjoy sleeping in but I need to leave enough time to have a cup of coffee on the deck while I enjoy being outside. Someone else might enjoy cooking and sharing breakfast with the family. The important thing is to find something that will get you started in the right frame of mind.

The way you end the day can influence how you start the day. Before you go to bed, pick your clothes, decide on meals and snacks, and do any other prep for the next day. This will free up time in the morning so you will feel less stressed. If you have a family, setting out what they need the night before will make everything easier.

Work on your attitude about the day. You have the power to choose how you will approach the day. Even if the day does not go smoothly, you can make a difference by staying positive and if possible, finding humor. Find something that you are looking forward to during the day.  

Adjust your attitude.

Complaining about everything will drain the energy and joy out of you and everyone around you. Start to see the positive in situations and see how your mood will shift. Send out positive vibes and they will come back to you. Work on positive, mental strength. Construct positive thoughts about what will happen in your life. Things might not always go smoothly, but you can choose the attitude you use to deal with it. I always tell my children that a good or bad day is their choice. When I first started telling my family that positive thoughts have power, they thought I was crazy. We would pull into a crowded restaurant parking lot, and they would say, “Oh man, it’s going to be a long wait.” I would say, “Oh, no, we are going to get right in.” The first few times they laughed at me until it worked every time, now, they try to beat me to the positive thought.

Throw out the trash in your life.

What is holding you back? Are you making excuses instead of taking action? Is fear paralyzing you? What are your relationships like? Remove the toxic elements and bring in those things that are going to fill you up and make you better. Take inventory of what needs to go and what you would like to have more of.

Create strong communities for yourself.

Good friends are hard to find, so when you do, work hard to keep them. Work on building good relationships. Identify your communities. They could be people from work, church, friends, family, or members of other groups. Quality not quantity is what costs. Make an effort to strengthen the relationships that matter.

Spread love and kindness and it will come back.

I truly believe that what you send out comes back to you. We need love and kindness right now so actively look for moments when you can do acts of kindness. It’s easier than you think, and it is contagious because it feels so good to do. My daughter and I were at McDonald’s for breakfast. I had just paid when I noticed the couple behind me were having trouble finding the money to pay. I leaned over and swiped my debit card for their meal. They said, “Thank You.” As I was sitting with my daughter, the man came over and said that his wife had been sick and today was her first day out in a while. He handed me three blessing stones that he gives people when he talks to them about Jesus. My daughter and I carry them wherever we go.

Believe anything is possible.

I have a sign in my office that says, “Always believe a great adventure is right around the corner.” We are sometimes our biggest critics and the greatest impediment to our success. Let’s have more of a why not mentality and at least give things a try. We should do our best to make it to the end of our life without being able to say, “I wish I had done this or that.” Believe you can and then prove you are right.

I discovered years ago that running is much more than exercise for me. It has been a factor in both my physical and mental health, but I would go beyond that and tell you that running has saved my life for multiple reasons.

Weight management

This is of course the reason many people run. When I was in college, I suddenly realized that I could no longer eat anything I wanted and not gain extra weight. I started running because I love good food, but I wanted to be able to stay at a reasonable weight. While running helped me in this aspect, it also opened up the other possibilities that running can offer.

 Self-esteem

For most of my life, I have struggled with feeling that I’m not good enough, that I’m somehow less than I should be. I discovered I was good at running. I could set goals and find ways to become better. No one criticized how I was doing it because there are so many ways to achieve the goals. It gave me confidence that I lacked.

Quiet time

As a teacher and a mother, I am surrounded by noise all the time. Running gives me the quiet time I need to recharge. When I’m running I can work out problems and be creative, or I can let my mind rest while I enjoy the beauty around me.

Therapy

There are two aspects of running that provide the biggest health benefits. This is one of them because whenever my world was crashing down around me, I could go for a long run and run off whatever emotion was holding me back. I have never turned to substances for relief, it has always been running that helps me through difficult periods. My son started having seizures when he was two days old and had to have a brain operation to repair a bleeding blood vessel. Five days after he was born, I needed a long run because of the stress and also because although my son came out of the operation with very few side effects, many people thought he was retarded.

Physical

Running has kept me in excellent health throughout the years. At sixty-three, I am not on any medications which always perplexes the urgent care providers. Once when I had to go to urgent care because I had burst stitches on my arm with the last punch in Karate class, the nurse told me that the blood pressure machine must not be working and said the same thing when she took my pulse because both were so low. Running allows me to keep pushing my limits and becoming stronger.

Social

I go to races to push myself and I discovered quickly that they are social events. I have met some of my best friends through running. It has become a very important community to me.

I could probably find a few more reasons, but I hope this proves to you that running is much more to me than a mere exercise.

Positivity attracts people

Being around someone positive is like being recharged. The positive person is energizing while someone negative is an energy drainer. People are attracted and uplifted by a positive attitude, and will naturally gravitate towards someone who is more upbeat.

A Positive person is more open to change

A positive person can see the benefits of change instead of being afraid of them. He can believe that good things will come from something new.

You see the possibilities

Someone who sees possibilities instead of challenges is more likely to try something. If we have the attitude of “Well, let’s try it and see what happens.” We will experience so much more. When I was teaching, I also ran the French club. We needed some activities for National French Week, so I said to the students, “We are going to prepare a free French breakfast for the high school.” I will never forget the looks on their faces as they said, “The whole high school?” French students brought in food and served the students. They commented later that they felt so special because they were responsible for feeding students who were so grateful for the food.

A better attitude makes you happier

When you choose to see joy in situations it makes you feel better. I love it when someone can take a bad situation and find that one positive.

Positivity makes you healthier

When you are happier, you are more relaxed and less stressed. Stress can cause havoc with your health, so anything that can eliminate stress will make you healthier.

You are perceived as more balanced

One of the reasons that people are attracted to a positive person is because there is less drama surrounding that person. Positive people tend to be calmer and grounded.

You can lift the spirits of others

Positive people can pull the good out of any situation and they are gifted at helping others believe in their reasoning.

You are contagious

It is hard to stay negative when you are bombarded by positivity.