Jennifer’s writing

I have spent most of my running career worrying more about how other people run their races than how I am going to run mine. Before a race, runners are checking out the competition. We are looking to see who is in our age group and if they look like they could beat us. There is often strategy involved in the race such as when should you pass someone, pacing, and saving enough for the final sprint to the finish line. Competition can be fun if it pushes you to be better, but sometimes it can get in the way of a runner enjoying the experience. It becomes a distraction.

This year, I decided to start racing differently. First, I took the advice of a coach who said to work on improving one thing each time you practice or compete. I pick that one thing before each race and it helps me stay focused. I also decided I was going to start running my own race with the idea of doing the best I could do without worrying about how someone else performed. Now before each race, I tell myself to block out what is happening around me and push myself as hard as I can. This has made a big difference in my motivation and my enjoyment of running.

Running your own race is true in life as well. We are so caught up in worrying about how we measure up in other people’s eyes, that we lose some of our joy. We are worried about people judging us or talking badly about us. No matter how amazing you are, and sometimes because you are amazing, people will judge you. All you can do is your best, so don’t worry what other people think about you. If you are happy and thriving, keep on living your best life in whatever form that might be.

As I walk through my house picking up stray clothes that were left where they were dropped and I scoop up a variety of toys, I wonder how life will be different when my children are no longer living in my house. Here are some possibilities.

I will close the bathroom door and know that within seconds a child will not come busting in followed closely by a dog and two cats.

I will have no excuse to go to the latest children’s movie.

I will pull out a cereal box knowing that there is cereal in it, and someone didn’t stick an empty box in the cupboard because throwing it away was too hard.

I will not go to the grocery store every other day and I will go alone therefore extra items will not mysteriously appear in my cart.

I will not become the referee for arguments where the main argument is “She’s looking at me!”

I will no longer have to lecture on hygiene and have conversations like “I don’t care if you don’t think you smell. You need a bath.”

There will be a strange quiet in the house instead of the beautiful mixture of squabbling, laughter, and singing.

I will not have to come up with suitable consequences for outlandish behavior that sometimes makes me want to laugh.

I can go straight to bed instead of watching the complete peace of a sleeping child.

No one will ask me “what do you want to do?” the moment I walk through the door and then decide that maybe since mommy is tired, we can snuggle and watch a movie.

I can take a nap without everyone suddenly needing my attention for a life-or-death situation.

The truth is that although some quiet time would be nice, I know that I will miss my children terribly when they leave, so I think I will just enjoy them and accept the good with the bad while I can.

I remember when my oldest was first born, my first thought was “What if I’m not a good parent?” I was not one of those women who seem to take parenting in stride and handle every bump in the road without a hint of stress. I was ready to run to the doctor at the slightest irregularity, I was sure I was doing everything wrong because my baby wasn’t on a strict schedule, and the first time my husband went to work I begged him to stay with me; not a stellar start. Of course, my oldest survived and has turned out to be an amazing woman and my second and third children were infinitely easier to raise, but there are some pieces of advice I wish I had been told in the beginning. Here are several bits of advice learned the hard way.

· Just as the pirate in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean says that the pirate code is just rough guidelines, baby schedules should be the same. Although routines are good for both you and the baby, trying to stick to a rigid schedule for anything is only going to cause stress. Flexibility is going to be a quality that will help no matter where you are in your parenting journey.

· Actions have to receive consequences. Teaching your child early that bad choices will receive a time out or loss of privilege, will save you headaches later. It is sometimes difficult not to give in or deal with the issue of the day but tell yourself that your child will be better for it and your life will be easier down the line.

· Time is the best gift you can give to your child. You do not need to buy expensive gifts to please your child, just be there and play games with them, go see their plays, and let them know that you enjoy the time you have with them. Before you know it, they will be gone and you will wish you had turned off the e-mail and been with them more.

· When your child says I hate you, respond with I love you.

· Realize that in order to be a good parent you cannot always be the good guy.

· United we stand is a good motto for parenting. Support each other in decisions regarding your child.

· Boxes are the best toy for children aged one to two years. Put some out and you will see what I mean.

· Most problems can be averted by making sure your child is rested and fed.

· Remember that you are the adult.

· It’s not always your fault when your child does something wrong.

· Make time for yourself and you will be a better parent.

· Encourage your child’s passion and realize that your passion and his does not have to be the same.

· Be your child’s advocate. You know your child better than anyone, stand up for your child when it is necessary.

As you do your best to be a good parent, you will make mistakes, learn from them, and try to do what is right for your family. If you do it all with love, you cannot go wrong.

Recently, I had my first trip in an ambulance and a short stay in the hospital because of an irregular heartbeat. I wish I could say I handled the situation well, but I did not. I cried several times, and I only saw the negatives of what had happened. I was having a serious pity party. Several days later I started to think about how differently my friend Raleigh responds to the many medical issues that have happened to him and I realized it was time to change my attitude about my health.

Raleigh has had two strokes. After the first one, the doctor told him the stroke should have killed him, but his excellent fitness level saved him. You might have expected Raleigh to take it easy while in the hospital, but instead, he did laps through the halls until his watch said he had done nine miles, and he did that every day. He also lost some of his vision in one eye. When I asked him if it bothered him, he said, “Oh, no. I can still see fine out of the other one.” After the second stroke, doctors discovered that Raleigh had a hole in his heart, and that was causing the strokes. Raleigh’s attitude about having a heart operation was excitement to finally have discovered what was causing the strokes. He didn’t see anything negative about the situation. He saw it as a chance to be healthier.

After both strokes, Raleigh refused to let anything defeat him. Ten days after the first stroke, he was walking a 10k, (six miles). He never complained about recovery or what he had to do to stay healthy. He showed such a joy for life and what he was able to do that it was an inspiration for me.

This morning before our race, I noticed he was wearing a wrist guard. When I asked him what happened, he told me he had hammered a nail, and a shooting pain went through his wrist. He said the doctor discovered he has a cyst on his wrist. It would have been normal for him to be frustrated as he was faced with one more medical issue, but instead, he said, “Jen, I have had issues with my wrist for years. I’m so excited that they might be resolved.” He also later said, “I know we are getting older, but I hope we keep active for as long as we can. I love his positivity.

If you are faced with your own medical issues, I hope you will take care of yourself, heal, and do your best to find the positives like Raleigh does. I am going to do my best to have a healthier attitude about health.

I know people who are still running in their eighties and nineties. They are inspirations to younger runners, but aging runners have a few challenges to face those younger runners might not have to worry about yet. Here is a short list.

Stretching becomes a necessity not an option

I have to admit that through my running years, I did not stretch very much until I injured my knee and my calf muscle. When I strained my knee, the physical trainer told me that older runners had to stretch to avoid injuries. I do everything she showed me, and I have not had an injury since. Before I strained my knee, I ripped the muscle in my calf while sparring in karate. If I do not stretch it regularly, I can feel it tightening into a knot. While younger runners might be able to get by without stretching, older runners need to make it a part of their exercise routine.

We cannot multitask as well

If I get up early for a race, I make sure to prepare everything I need the night before because when I come down, I cannot wake my brain up enough to do more than grab a cup of coffee and something to eat. My friend Sally told me that she and her boyfriend Dan were getting ready for today’s race and Dan was stressed trying to make sure he had everything they needed. As they were heading out the door, Sally looked down and said, “Dan, where are your shoes?”

It takes time for our motor to warm up

There was a time when I could show up at the start line without warming up and expect my body to go full speed right away. I now need to ease it into the pace I want it to run. Distance running has become more fun because it takes me several miles to warm up before I feel comfortable.

Movement is trickier

After a certain age, our bodies don’t twist and bend as well as they once did. Bending over to tie a shoelace isn’t as easy as it used to be. We are a little more cautious about falling, (trail races), or at least we bring a first-aid kit. If we sit down for long periods, it takes a minute to loosen up the joints when we stand up.

We forget things

As we are preparing for a run, we might rush into a room with a purpose in mind, but when we arrive in the room, we cannot remember why we came there. It might take us a moment to retrieve the name of someone we met several races ago.

Knowing the locations of bathrooms is crucial

This has been important to me my whole life, but it is especially important as you age since there are some changes to the plumbing.

Aging runners should adopt the mindset that although some things will change in how they approach running, what counts is being there on the running scene, being competitive, having the experience, and encouraging others.

Parenting is hard enough when everything is going well, but when your child becomes ill, you are faced with the perfect storm. There is the fear involved with seeing your child ill, the stress of wondering how to best care for your child, and the need to balance work and a child who does not feel well. Here are a few ideas to help you weather those moments when your child is under the weather.

Don’t feel bad about calling the doctor.

When my first child was born, we went to the doctor’s office several times in the first week because I was so afraid I was not going to take good care of her. My doctor said, “Maybe you should find a doctor that lives closer to you if you are going to come in this often.” I don’t think she was trying to be hateful, but that crushed me and made me feel guilty. Looking back at that moment, I was right to go to the doctor because it calmed my fears as a new mom. New moms are adjusting to parenthood, lack of sleep, and a host of emotions. I would counsel that better safe than sorry is the right way to go. These days you can call the nurse practitioner and ask your questions.

Talk to other moms

The mom network is amazing. My daughter struggled with many of the issues that new moms struggle with, and it helped that she developed a group thread with other new moms, so they could share what was happening.

You can blame most everything on teething

Imagine what it must be like to have teeth poking through. Teething can cause fevers, diarrhea, and other issues. Buy a teething ring and put it in the fridge and let the baby suck on that.

Be prepared

There are certain tried and true strategies for helping sick babies. A bulb syringe is a must-have for congestion. Cold washcloths to keep fevers down, and snuggling are all helpful. Pedialyte is great to have on hand but check with your doctor first.

Ask for help

If you have family nearby, see if they can come and help with simple tasks like groceries, or laundry.

Know that you will probably catch it too.

My grandson had a stomach bug last month, and it worked its way through to my daughter, my son-in-law, my granddaughter, and then my husband and myself. We said it was the gift that kept on giving.

Remember that this too will pass

There are times when you are so exhausted from caring for a baby and taking care of logistics because of illness that you are not sure you can go on, but you will make it and be stronger with each experience.

Superman was powerful and could fly, but kryptonite sapped him of his powers and made him weak. We all have our own forms of kryptonite that hold us back or affect us negatively. What are yours and how do you eliminate their power over you?

Anxiety is a roadblock for many people. If you have social anxiety, a day at work can leave you exhausted. Do your best to surround yourself with people who don’t drain your energy and take breaks during the day to be on your own.

Negativity can leave you feeling tense and tired. Find positive people and be with them as much as you can.

Emotions can wreck your composure. I love listening to people and trying to help them, but at a certain moment, I need to step away.

Fears can hold you back from fully enjoying some things. What if your family wants to go to the top of the Empire State Building, but you have a fear of heights? Are you afraid of driving to places where you have never been? If I drive on the interstate, you will have to pry my fingers from the steering wheel when I come home because it makes me so tense.

Sensitivity is an issue for me. I have such a vivid imagination that there are certain books I cannot read and movies I cannot watch. I think Jodi Picoult is an amazing author, but I cannot read any more of her books because they haunt me. I still find myself thinking about her book, Nineteen minutes, even though I read it years ago. I also cannot watch a movie where a child or a dog is hurt. Old Yeller was traumatic for me!

I’m sure there are many more forms of kryptonite, and I hope you can find the remedy for all of them!

Music can set a mood, motivate us, soothe our sadness, and give us something to dance to when we are happy. There are also those songs that we can relate to because we think they are made just for us. Songs are stories we can interpret in our own way while we make the song more personal. So, what song do you relate to the most? Which one tells your story?

Would you pick something like Bruno Mars and 24K Magic because Life for you is a big party? Would you prefer a more spiritual story with Believe by Brooks and Dunn, or Something in the Water by Carrie Underwood? Do you find your story in Christian music with bands like Mercy Me, Third Day, or Casting Crowns? Does Imperfections by Céline Dion remind you that everyone has their faults? If you are struggling with a relationship, you might like Nine Track Mind by Charlie Puth, or You Don’t Bring Me Flowers by Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond. Does fighter by Christina Aguilera describe how you have become stronger? Does This Ole Boy by Craig Morgan describe your country roots? Does My Side of the Fence by Dan and Shay describe how happy you are? Does Breathe by Johnny Diaz describe your stress?

There are so many more great songs, genres, and artists. There is something special about hearing lyrics that touch a special chord with you.

I have an eclectic taste in almost everything, but definitely with music and books, so the songs that matter to me are all over the place. If I had to pick one, it might be In My Blood by Shawn Mendes. The fight between anxiety, feeling inadequate and knowing that it isn’t in me to give up. I will keep fighting even when it is hard, but I need help too. I love the haunting strains that match how your emotions feel.

There are times when discouragement will wash over you, and the best thing you can do is to take a deep breath, regroup, and believe the outcome will be positive. We all have those moments when we are frustrated and think we should give up, but I have found that there are ways to turn that feeling around and see the reality of the situation. Write down accomplishments. Have you seen growth in some way? See that growth as a positive step. Now, make a plan to increase that growth. Instead of giving up, what can you do to improve? Make some goals for the next week or month.

There is truth in saying that sending out powerful, positive thoughts can make things happen. Instead of thinking negative thoughts, start speaking out positively about what you want to see happen. I might say, “I am going to publish five articles this week, attract ten more followers, and write another chapter in my book.” Write down everything you want to see as your reality and keep reading it out loud. Tell me about the amazing things that start to happen.

When you feel like you are doing everything wrong, give yourself some grace, and tell yourself you will figure out each new issue as it comes, learn from any failures, and continue to improve. If you are like me, you are harder on yourself than anyone else is, and that negativity could be holding you back. Begin to believe you can do it. Be your best cheerleader!

Every relationship takes some work, but it is easier if you know you are with a partner who is right for you. I have been married forty-one years, and although there have been some rough patches, I know my husband is the right match for me. I am using the pronoun he to describe the qualities I think to prove someone is right for you, but obviously, you only have to switch the pronoun to fit your partner.

He knows you

My husband knows the way I think which means I cannot get away with doing more than I should. (I push my limits sometimes) He knows I am super sensitive and although I consider myself strong emotionally, there are certain things that wreck me, like anything bad happening to a child or animal, inspiring stories, and videos of soldiers surprising families.

He supports you

I have had a few people in my life that did not have my best interest in mind. He saw no reason that he had to be kind to them when he had to be around them. I always know that he will lift me up and help me to be my best.

He knows what to say

I couldn’t run an ultra that I had spent months preparing for because I had a heart flutter the weekend before. We went to pick up my race packet, and my husband knew I was upset. He took my hand, kissed it, and said, “It’s ok. Baby. I understand. We will be back next year, and you will crush it.”

He is often my voice of reason because I am so sensitive, and I let what people say pierce my armor. He always gives me the look of, “Are you crazy?”, and then says, “Why are you letting this bother you?” then he explains why I shouldn’t care.

He lets you be you

My husband hates to read, but because he knows how much I love it, he takes me to the bookstore every Friday night. He doesn’t like to run, but he supports my obsession with it and has become my crew for ultra-marathons.

You balance each other

My husband and I are complete opposites, but we balance each other out. We bring different interests and opinions to the table, and that makes conversations more interesting. I am always learning to see issues from different perspectives, and I think my husband feels the same.

You can communicate

Because we are so different, there are many things that we don’t understand about each other, but we respect each other’s opinions, and we listen to what each other is feeling.

He respects you

We agreed early in our relationship that we would never be that couple that tore each other down, especially in front of others. We cringe whenever we hear someone do that because if you can be that cruel in public, imagine what it must be like in private. If someone claims he is joking, tell him it isn’t funny.

He makes you laugh

I should have put this as the most important element. My husband can make me laugh when I am down, and he is famous for saying something hysterical and often irreverent when I least expect it which causes me to laugh until my stomach hurts.