Jennifer’s writing

I have always thought that animals can teach us all the important lessons in life. They are good judges of character, they know the importance of rest and food, and they know that love changes everything. We are in our second year with our dog Bandit, and we continue to be amazed by him. My husband is astounded by his speed and agility. He comes home after taking him to a large field where he throws the Frisbee for him and he shakes his head and says, “Jen, I’ve never seen a dog this fast, and you can tell he just loves to go all out.” My daughter loves how he plays with my grandson who was born a month after him. She says he becomes annoyed at his dogs because they don’t drop the tennis ball at Parker’s feet, and then catch it when Parker throws it. I appreciate his intelligence and his loving nature. Here are a few more lessons that he has taught us this year.

Gut health can be a game changer

Bandit has a very sensitive stomach, so we have to be careful what we give him to eat. He is extremely high-energy, so making sure his stomach can function well is important. I learned that there are dog Pepto tablets. We have a large tub of them, and Bandit thinks they are treats.

Not everyone wants to engage

Bandit has a best buddy and when they get together, they both go crazy. They have to circle the house multiple times at breakneck speed until they are calm enough to explore sticks and sniff around. There is another dog though that doesn’t want anything to do with Bandit, and Bandit has learned not even to go near him.

The simple things are best

I am grateful for all the love and laughter Bandit has given me. On rainy days, we keep a towel near the door to dry him off. He runs up the stairs and goes straight to the towel because being dried off means belly rubs. He leans into me, and I’m sure he is thinking, “Take your time!”

Good food is the spice of life

Bandit looks like he is in heaven when he is eating. After his breakfast, I give him a greenie to help his teeth, and he runs over to me when he has finished his bowl because he knows what is coming next.

Love makes everything better

When we first got Bandit, I was worried that he would not get along with the cats, but they are best buddies. Our fourteen-year-old cat recently died when we were on a trip. I asked my daughter where she found him, and she said he was lying next to Bandit’s crate.

 I had two unfortunate health situations this summer, and although both were unexpected, caused a fair amount of anxiety, and forced me to spend a lot of money and build a healthcare team that I had never had before, both incidents taught me valuable lessons, and I hope a few will resonate with you.

More is not always better

As a runner, I used to think that to be a better runner I needed to run more. My first health issue involves a torn meniscus and a baker’s cyst because my dog hit my knee running full speed on his way to his frisbee. I also think my increased running mileage contributed to the injury. As I began rehabilitation, I realized that a variety of exercises in my routine and strength work to build all my muscles and protect against injury was what I needed to do. Doing too much can be as harmful as doing too little. The expression work smarter not harder can be applied to exercise.

It could always be worse/be grateful

My other health issue was a sudden a fib condition which means that sometimes my heart beats too fast causing my pulse to race and making it difficult to breathe. It can sometimes lead to a stroke. I had my first ambulance ride because of it, and there were tears, and I had a huge pity party because I thought it would limit me and I hate limitations. Of course, I almost immediately saw people around me who were struggling with much worse than I was, and I realized I needed to realize that both health issues that I had could be fixed. If you are struggling with a health problem, do your best to stay positive because I believe strongly that your attitude helps your recovery.

I have learned to be even more grateful since before these things happened. My knee is slowly healing, and I have run most of two 3-mile races the last two Saturdays. I ran them very slowly, but I was so happy to be doing what I am so passionate about.

Embrace the change of perspective

When life throws us a curve ball, we have to adjust our perspective and pivot to work around whatever new challenge we are faced with overcoming. When I go to races now I carry a small pack at my waist that has medicine in it in case I have an attack. My friends know where it is in case I cannot get to it. Instead of feeling broken because I have to do this, I am grateful that there is still a way for me to compete. Having to move slower because of my knee has shown me what it is like at the back of a race. What I see is a lot of inspiring stories. There are people who are showing up despite challenges because they know it is good for them.

Be patient

When we stumble in our health journey it sometimes takes time and patience to get back on track. I injured my knee four months ago, and I try to keep a good attitude, but sometimes I feel broken, and I want to go out and run full tilt. Believe that you will eventually be better. Manifest good health by stating only positive things about your future health.

Speak up with your doctor

After having a series of heart tests, my cardiologist said he thought my A fib attack was only a weird occurrence that probably wouldn’t happen again. I stopped taking medicine, but I had two more attacks three months later. When I contacted the office, I was asked if I wanted to increase my medicine. I replied that I would rather find the cause of the attacks instead of using medicine as a band-aid. I now have an appointment to see if we can find out what is happening. Don’t hesitate to express concerns and ask questions of your doctor.

Be resilient

Don’t be passive with your health. A friend was injured at the same time I was. We decided that not only were we going to heal, but we were also going to come back stronger. Make a plan.

Be hopeful

It is easy to have bad days when you question whether you will fully recover, but the chances are you will. Keep looking for more solutions and talk to other people who have experienced the same thing.

Know when you need help

I would advise you to seek professional help as soon as you need it. I did things a little backward with my knee because I did not have a good experience six years ago when I strained it, so this time I waited until I could barely walk then I went to physical therapy, and then to an orthopedist.

Pray

I believe in the power of prayer, and I have been sending up quite a few this year! Prayer is positive thought with a powerful destination.

I am hoping that the next year is a year filled with great health and full recovery.

What are the things in your life that make you excited and motivated to achieve some goals? Is there something that always works to push you out of a routine rut, or a mental funk? Here are a few ideas that work for me to inspire me and give me positive motivation.

Music

I love listening to good music, and it has always been able to help motivate me. It’s hard to stay still when some heart-pumping beats are playing. I love watching my 15-month-old grandson when music comes on and he does his version of dancing. He shows me that music has the power to make you move physically and to move you emotionally.

Changing my perspective

Have you ever woken up in a mood for no reason? I always tell my children and students that you can turn your mood around because you are the one in charge of whether you have a bad day or a good one. Unpleasant things can happen, but you have the choice about how to respond. Motivation is difficult when you are negative.

Laughter

My husband has a child’s laughter as his phone ringtone. When it goes off in public everyone around us smiles. Laughter lifts your mood and makes everything seem better.

A fun activity

When I know that I am going to do something fun that day I feel more motivated and energized.

Making new goals

If you feel as if you are in a routine rut, sit down and make some new goals. When you have some fresh ideas to improve yourself, you will be more motivated.

A run

When I am feeling sluggish, going for a run clears my brain, and makes me feel more motivated. You can substitute a different activity for the run. It only has to be something to get you moving.

Good food

I love food and consider it one of the greatest pleasures in life. It definitely motivates me when I know an amazing meal is going to happen.

After forty years of racing, I have seen some crazy things happen on the road and trail that occurred because of a lapse of common sense in the safety department. Here are a few reminders to help you with safety on race day.

Selfies while running

A woman was running in front of me when she lifted her phone and stared at the screen as she tried to take a selfie of herself and the runners behind her. Because she was focused on her phone and not the road, she collided with the curb and went down hard. Selfies are best-taken standing still.

The children

I love to see children racing, and I always hope running will become a passion for them, but the way they run in a race can be hazardous if you are not alert. They tend to sprint out at the beginning, but then they will stop abruptly with no warning. They also occasionally wind in and out of crowds of runners without a sense of space. Cheer them on, revel in their joy, but be alert if one is in front of you.

The scary start

Barely bridled excitement, runners crowded together, and a sudden start can be the perfect storm. I have seen several people tripped in the first several feet, fall, and create a nasty domino effect. Be focused before the start. Don’t talk to the runner standing next to you or be thinking of what you want to do the rest of the day. Be present at that moment.

Signal to stop

Runners can be just as distracted as drivers, so if you are running in a crowd, raise your arm to signal you are stopping to avoid having someone collide with you.

Turn the music down

There are some races that ask runners not to wear earbuds because they see it as a safety hazard. There are many times when you need to hear what is happening around you, and music can keep you from being able to do this. I know some people use music to focus, but you might want to turn down the volume to stay safe.

Passing in trail races

It is customary to say, “On your left.” when you want to pass in a trail race. This gives the runner you are passing a chance to let you go by while keeping sure footing. Be aware of where you are when passing through. I was in a recent trail race when I came around a sharp corner and saw a steep drop to my right. I was thankful no one wanted to pass at that moment.

Don’t follow too closely in a trail race

The only thing worse than falling in a race is taking someone down with you. Falling is a common occurrence in trail racing because there are roots and stones to navigate. Because falling is relatively common it’s not a good idea to run too close to the person in front of you.

Train for your race

I have had conversations with runners at races who had no idea what their friends had talked them into doing. You could survive a 5k without much training, even though you will be sore the next day, but I spoke to a young man doing a half who had never run a race or trained for one. He was miserable.

Bring an emergency kit

This is especially important for me because I fall quite a bit on trails, but I have also been able to help other runners because I am prepared for everything. Many races hand out sample packets of first aid medicine. I save these and bring them to races. At one race, I was running with a friend that I describe as a giant because he is so tall. We went through some low-hanging branches, and my friend was stung by several hornets. Luckily, I had some ointment for stings in my bag. He told me later, “Jen, you saved me!” In your kit, have some cleansing wipes, first aid cream, band-aids, KT tape, Tylenol, sunscreen, and ginger candies for stomach upset.

I hope these ideas help to keep you safe out on the run. I would love to hear some of your ideas.

My husband and I are polar opposites politically. We belong to different parties, but our biggest differences involve the way we believe our political system should work. I believe both parties should work together for the good of our nation while he sees the two parties as a competition, and he will follow his party blindly as long as it means a win. I believe partisan politics is divisive, and we will get more done with bipartisan politics, but he believes that only his party knows how to lead correctly. He also voted for a candidate that he admits has no business in a leadership position only because he was a member of his party. When I asked if he thought it made more sense to vote for the best candidate, he looked at me as if I was crazy. You can imagine those political discussions do not go well in a house divided, but I decided to find a way to discuss the issues with him.

Meet emotions with calm

My husband’s first reaction to a political question from me used to be anger. He would immediately allow his emotions to escalate, and I knew if I met him on the same emotional level the discussion would go nowhere. I stayed calm and stated my opinion. It was interesting to see my lack of emotion eventually diffuse his. Once the emotion is removed, and no one feels threatened, you can have a discussion.

Have your facts ready

There have been several times when my husband will tell me why someone in my party has done something wrong, and I knew the facts to prove him wrong. I will admit though that I am not nearly as knowledgeable on the issues as I should be. An example of this is immigration. I think it is a complex issue, and I don’t know what the answer is. When I said this, my husband went into emotional escalation and said, “I don’t know why the president is letting everyone into our country. Maybe he is hoping that they will vote for him.” My daughter looked at him with that look of what in the world teenagers are so good at doing, and she said, “Dad, they can’t vote.” I have rarely seen my husband speechless, but that is what too much emotion does to your brain.

Try to understand

There have been many situations when I cannot wrap my brain around my husband’s way of thinking, but I always want to hear other opinions, so I ask questions to understand, and I make sure it does not sound as if I am attacking his opinion. I start off by saying things like, “I hear what you are saying.” Once he doesn’t feel as if I am attacking, he is more willing to have a discussion.

I wish I could tell you that we are now on the same page politically, but there are still some chasms in our differences of opinion, but at least we can discuss the issues civilly.

Navigating relationships can be exhausting, and if you are a people pleaser who wants everyone to be happy, it can be even worse. During the holidays, there are often more conflicts than usual because stress is high, and energy is low. Forming boundaries is a great way to keep a situation from getting out of control because the tension has finally boiled over. Here are a few ways to ease some relationship strain and communicate what you need from other people.

Don’t blame the other person

If you immediately start to tell someone what he is doing wrong, he will become defensive and probably stop listening because he is busy forming his counterattack. Let him know that you are sure the problem is that you didn’t adequately communicate your needs, and then tell him what those needs are. Here is an example. I love to garden, but I have limited space, so one of my garden beds is outside of the enclosed garden. My husband and our neighbor throw the frisbee to our dogs out there, and they think it’s funny when the neighbor’s huge dog runs into my garden bed leaving his footprints and havoc in his wake. Instead of being angry, I calmly told my husband that I was sure he didn’t know there were plants in there, and could he please not allow the dog to run in there. They have not done it since, but in case my verbal barrier didn’t work, I put up a small fence as well.

Confront a controller calmly

I had a colleague who didn’t think anyone else could do anything as well as she could, so she often moved out of her lane, and tried to tell others how to do her job. I sat down with her and told her I knew she was only trying to help everyone, but sometimes the way she went about it was insulting to others. A controller can wear you out, and you will probably have to keep working on the boundaries.

Take out the emotion

I had another colleague who did not have a filter. She said whatever she was thinking, and it was often hurtful. She once came into my school club and was angry that one of her students was in with me. I had prepared lunch for them, so she said in front of all my students, “You are here just for the food.” She then demanded that her student leave with her. I waited until our club time was done, and I went to find her. I told her that I knew she didn’t realize how hurtful she had been, but what she said was not appropriate. She apologized. Do not let someone treat you like a doormat, but don’t let your emotions control you either.

Don’t accept drama

I love my oldest daughter with all my heart, but she is my drama queen, and she has stirred up drama anytime she could. I finally realized that it takes two to have a drama, so one day I said, “I’m done with the drama. I love you, but You will have to have drama by yourself.

I hope these ideas help you to control your relationships a little. If someone doesn’t respect the boundaries you are asking for, it may be time to walk away.

One more benefit of running is how it can enable great conversations. These conversations can be ones you have with yourself, a friend, or a stranger, but something about running makes them easier to have. It might be the feeling of freedom that running offers, and the sense of running away from anything stressful. We can put aside our responsibilities and open up our minds and drop our defenses. No matter what the reason is that running makes them possible, the conversations it allows us are as beneficial as the other positive aspects of running. Here are a few of the possible types of conversations.

Conversations with yourself

When I head out for a run, I leave behind many distractions in my life. As my legs seek out a rhythm, I decide what I want to focus on. I can work through problems and brainstorm solutions. I have written entire articles in my head while out on a run.

My running conversations with myself help me the most with my emotions. If I am annoyed at someone, I can run it out and grumble to myself. If I’m sad, I can give myself a pep talk while I check off the miles. It’s a great way to sort out the many thoughts running through your mind.

Conversations to encourage

When running at a race, you see a wide variety of stories and needs. What I see the most is the need for encouragement. Just saying, “Good job!” or offering a kind word can make a huge difference. I have had runners come up to me after a race to tell me thank you for encouraging them at a moment when they wanted to give up. I know it always helps me when volunteers are yelling encouragement. One of those moments I will never forget was at my first marathon which was on Thanksgiving. I was a little tired when a volunteer yelled, “C’mon people! You are running 26.2 miles. You can eat as much pecan pie as you want!” Since I really like pecan pie, that gave me a little boost.

Conversations to share

Runners need to share their stories. They are struggling with life’s challenges like everyone else. They need to be heard and know someone cares. My friend Raleigh and I were overwhelmed with how many of these conversations we heard at one race. The race was Run for the Son, and it was a very small race, but there were many runners there that wanted to share how God was helping them with their challenges.

As we waited for the race to start, a man walked over and introduced himself. He told us he was recovering from colon cancer and this race would be the last one when he would run with a colostomy bag. I don’t like running with a headache, but this man was running with a colostomy bag. He told me he needed to run the race to prove he was stronger than cancer. He came in second overall by the way. That cancer was crushed.

Revelations

When I coached cross-country, we had a beautiful walking/running path at the school that we warmed up and cooled down on. There were always a few runners who wanted to stay after practice to run and talk. They shared what was going on in their lives and talked about challenges and successes.

Running conversations are so important. They can help our mental health while running can help us physically.

One more benefit of running is how it can enable great conversations. These conversations can be ones you have with yourself, a friend, or a stranger, but something about running makes them easier to have. It might be the feeling of freedom that running offers, and the sense of running away from anything stressful. We can put aside our responsibilities and open up our minds and drop our defenses. No matter what the reason is that running makes them possible, the conversations it allows us are as beneficial as the other positive aspects of running. Here are a few of the possible types of conversations.

Conversations with yourself

When I head out for a run, I leave behind many distractions in my life. As my legs seek out a rhythm, I decide what I want to focus on. I can work through problems and brainstorm solutions. I have written entire articles in my head while out on a run.

My running conversations with myself help me the most with my emotions. If I am annoyed at someone, I can run it out and grumble to myself. If I’m sad, I can give myself a pep talk while I check off the miles. It’s a great way to sort out the many thoughts running through your mind.

Conversations to encourage

When running at a race, you see a wide variety of stories and needs. What I see the most is the need for encouragement. Just saying, “Good job!” or offering a kind word can make a huge difference. I have had runners come up to me after a race to tell me thank you for encouraging them at a moment when they wanted to give up. I know it always helps me when volunteers are yelling encouragement. One of those moments I will never forget was at my first marathon which was on Thanksgiving. I was a little tired when a volunteer yelled, “C’mon people! You are running 26.2 miles. You can eat as much pecan pie as you want!” Since I really like pecan pie, that gave me a little boost.

Conversations to share

Runners need to share their stories. They are struggling with life’s challenges like everyone else. They need to be heard and know someone cares. My friend Raleigh and I were overwhelmed with how many of these conversations we heard at one race. The race was Run for the Son, and it was a very small race, but there were many runners there that wanted to share how God was helping them with their challenges.

As we waited for the race to start, a man walked over and introduced himself. He told us he was recovering from colon cancer and this race would be the last one when he would run with a colostomy bag. I don’t like running with a headache, but this man was running with a colostomy bag. He told me he needed to run the race to prove he was stronger than cancer. He came in second overall by the way. That cancer was crushed.

Revelations

When I coached cross-country, we had a beautiful walking/running path at the school that we warmed up and cooled down on. There were always a few runners who wanted to stay after practice to run and talk. They shared what was going on in their lives and talked about challenges and successes. On one run, it was two runners, a girl, and a boy, whom I had taught since sixth grade. As we were running, the boy told me he was gay. His father would not understand, so the boy needed to talk it out with an adult.

Running conversations are so important. They can help our mental health while running can help us physically.

Being a people pleaser

I have been a people pleaser for most of my life which means that not only do I want everyone to like me, but I worry constantly about what they think of me. I would spend too much time wondering what someone thought about me, and I would replay conversations to see if I said something wrong.

Making a change

In the past year, I had a liberating revelation that has changed my life. I finally realized that I am happy the way I am, and no matter what I do there will be those who approve and others who don’t. Just because someone wants to judge me doesn’t mean I have to let it bother me. I can let it be that person’s issue and not mine. Let me give you two examples.

I write for a news publication where the comments can be hurtful. Although I want to interact with my readers there are times when I cannot make myself read the comments. The solution came because of an article I did about Christmas lights. You would think the comments would all be jolly and bright, but they were all over the place. Some were hateful, racist, political, and generally crazy with a few that talked about the actual topic. I used those comments to prove to myself, and my daughters that those comments don’t really matter. I wish you could have seen my youngest daughter’s face as I read them. She said, “Mom, this is about Christmas lights??!!”

The second example involves a comment that my daughter’s boyfriend made in jest, but for a brief second I went into the old mode of wondering if I was being judged before I decided that I didn’t care. We were shopping when he said to me, “If you buy any more clothes you will need a third closet.” I do love clothes, the colors, and the textures, but I am a thrifter, so although I have a full closet, I am not breaking the bank to have them. If something makes you happy and it’s not hurtful or illegal, don’t worry about what someone else thinks.

The benefits of being yourself

Being different is beautiful, and often more interesting. Don’t worry if you don’t fit a mold for what’s considered normal. Find others who are like you. Being unique can be wonderful. When my son was born he had a bleeding blood vessel in his brain. He needed brain surgery a week after he was born and for many months after the side of his head was swollen like a large ball. I appreciated the people who asked about it more than those who averted their eyes. Even when the swelling went down, the skull protruded a bit. There is also an impressive scar. Instead of hiding all of that, Tyler often cuts his hair back enough so that it is visible. He does it to start a conversation.

Being content with who you are can bring you a sense of peace. Don’t live your life to make other people happy, make your own happiness and the result will be contagious.

The holidays are meant to be times to celebrate our blessings with family and friends and enjoy good food and fellowship. Unfortunately, if we don’t follow a few guidelines, those great times can turn into unpleasant situations. Here are a few things to consider during the holidays.

Realize this can be a lonely time for many people.

Not everyone has friends and family nearby to spend the holidays with. If you have an extra seat at the table, consider inviting a neighbor or colleague who would enjoy good food and company. Food is love, so it’s a great time to donate to local food pantries or consider volunteering at a food distribution center.

Don’t let the preparations overwhelm you and cause you to stress

Ask for help with preparations and tasks that usually take a long time will be done in a flash. If you don’t want to cook, ask each person to make a dish. If family is staying with you, put different people in charge of each meal. If presents become overwhelming, do a secret Santa drawing where you are only responsible for one person. Let some things go and enjoy the people and events around you.

Be prepared for the family member everyone talks about

Every family has that person who everyone loves, but who can be a little quirky or challenging. If new people are joining the gathering you might want to warn them what to expect. Form a united front to help keep this family member from causing any damage.

Have something fun for children to do

There are so many fun games and crafts to do during the holidays. Have an activity table set up and if weather permits, have some outdoor activities to do too.

Avoid certain conversations

A family usually means well, but some conversations and questions are best avoided. Here are a few.

Anything political

Don’t ask a student if he received all As this semester. You could ask instead how he likes the school.

Don’t ask a couple when they are going to have a baby.

Don’t comment on appearance.

Don’t be critical or make comparisons

Don’t break the bank

It is easy to spend too much between decorations, food, and presents, so make a budget and do your best to stick to it.

I hope these ideas help you enjoy the holidays with as little stress and as much joy as possible.