Jennifer’s writing

I have been running for over 40 years, and for 10 of those years, I was a running coach. I did my best to help my runners improve. I showed them the important aspects of running, but it wasn’t until recently I realized how important it is to practice what I preach. Here are a few pearls of advice of which I have learned the importance the hard way.

More is not always better

I know I’m not the only runner who only wants to run. I like to bike, hike, and swim, but I never felt like I had done a real workout unless my training included a run. I was obsessed with how many miles I was doing each week. I was also probably doing too much cross-training as well. At one point, I was running every day, lifting weights three times a week, going to karate class three times a week, and participating in a triathlon class twice a week. I also taught from 8 am-8 p.m. I started to have burning sensations in my calves and feet. When I went to the doctor and told him my schedule he started to laugh, and said, “Jen, this is very easy to figure out. Your body is tired.”

Eventually, my body started to send me other messages that it was time to back off from so much activity. When I strained my knee I had to put running on hold. I began to realize the benefits of performing activities that strengthen other muscles and give my body a break from running.

Don’t go out too fast

I told my runners this constantly, but I have always found it to be difficult advice to follow. I have been telling myself if I start out fast while I’m fresh I’ll have a time cushion when I am tired later in the race, but what happens is after the first mile I have entered the pain cave, and I am praying for the end of the race.

I coached a runner who would start out at the back of the race, and then she picked off runners one after another. Now, I know this would make most coaches too nervous, but this was a mental game that worked for her every time.

At my race this weekend, I decided to run it slow and steady because I was recovering from a bad cold. It was difficult at the start because so many people were flying past me, but I told myself I would see many of those people within the first mile because they had started out too fast. I ended up with a faster time than normal, and I enjoyed the race instead of being in the pain cave.

Losing makes you stronger

Think about how you feel when you perform well at a race and when you don’t. I can only speak for myself, but the race where I did not perform well is also the race where I started to commit to training harder and making positive changes.

Respect your body

Your body is a magnificent machine, but if you don’t care for it correctly, it will start to break down. I have learned so much about my body through my failures at ultras. Each time something goes wrong it helps me to know what to do differently.

Rest is part of your training

This has always been hard for me, but when I realized that I ran better after a day off I realized the benefits of resting.

Time on your feet is the key

I used to think walking didn’t count, but time on your feet is the key. That’s why I love doing ultras because you are free to walk or run as long as you keep moving forward.

I have so much left to learn about running, but I am enjoying the journey.

The question I am asked the most about writing involves the steps that are necessary to publish a writer’s work. There are definitely steps to take to be published as well as decisions to be made, but the first thing a writer needs to do is determine her identity.

Start with a series of questions to find out who you are as a writer. Here are a few that might help.

Why do you want to write?

One day, I was complaining about not making enough money with my writing and my husband gave me the puzzled look I see so often. He said, “Why do you write?” I replied, “Because I enjoy it, and I want to share my experiences with others in the hopes of helping them.” “Then stop worrying about the money.” I don’t know about you, but I will always hope that my writing will be profitable, but the truth is I have to write because ideas insert themselves in my brain and won’t leave me alone until I put them into writing. Is that why you write? What are your reasons for wanting to be a writer?

How much time can you devote to writing?

Being successful as a writer is not always the cushy job that some people envision. There are deadlines, query letters to write, and research to do. How much time you can spend doing it can determine what kind of writer you can be.

What type of writing do you want to do?

I have never agreed with the writing advice that says you should find your niche and then stick to it. I agree that if you are an expert in an area it would be great to share that knowledge, but if you have eclectic taste like I do you might want to delve into a variety of topics.

I’m sure you have heard the advice that says to write about what you know, but writers often need to write about what they feel which might require some research.

Do you want to do technical writing? Fiction? Non-fiction? Maybe you want to do a little bit of everything.

Who do you want your audience to be?

What age group do you want to write for? Do you want to write novels, magazines, picture books, or something else?

All of your answers will help form your writing identity. It will help you in your publishing journey if you know who you are as a writer.

Many of us suffer from insecurities, and we would rather avoid trying something new and failing at it, but if we don’t step out of our comfort zone we cannot grow, and we will end up being stagnant with what is comfortable.

Stepping out of our comfort zone can be terrifying. You have to realize that fear of failure is a dream crusher, and it defeats us before we even attempt something. I truly believe if you are convinced you will fail then you will, but If we believe there is a possibility we can do it, that first step is a little easier, and as we start to see success and the possibilities, the sky is the limit. I have a sign on my desk that says that something is only impossible until you do it. Here are a few things that will help you believe that you can do those things that seem out of reach.

Adopt a positive mindset. Positive thinking can send out strong energy and when you use positive words of affirmation, it is amazing to see the results. After you prove once or twice that you are capable of difficult tasks, you will gain confidence and continue to be stronger. Possible mantras are as simple as, “I am strong enough to do this.” “I am capable.” Also adopt a growth mindset. This means that if something is difficult for you to accomplish, acknowledge that you might need some additional knowledge or experience and although you haven’t accomplished it yet, you will.

Write down what you want to accomplish but write it as if it is definitely going to happen. I will run a great race next Saturday. I will be so happy with my performance.

Ignore the haters. No matter how well you do something, there will be people who find something to criticize. Worrying about what other people say is wasted energy unless it is a good critique that you can use to grow. If you are passionate about something, you need to do it, and sometimes that means you do it even without support from those around you.

Be patient. Make goals and plans for what you want to accomplish, and if something doesn’t work, then reflect on what needs to change. Let’s say your dream is to complete a marathon. You can’t be ready for that in a week. Give yourself time.

Be persistent. It is so easy to give up when we don’t find success right away. You have to keep trying, and if you fail at something, so what? Get back up and try again.

Remember you are special. This sounds like you have an ego, but it is a good practice to remind yourself of your good qualities on those days when you are feeling down.

Visualize your success. Imagine yourself completing whatever it is you want to do. Take some time every day to focus on that success.

O.k., it’s time for you to go prove that you can. The first step is to believe you can.

After 40 years as a French teacher, and leading 20 student groups to France, I can tell you with certainty that many people see the Eiffel Tower as the symbol of Paris. I have seen students cry when they see it in person, and my granddaughter took 150 pictures of it on a recent visit.

At the risk of alienating all the Eiffel Tower lovers, I have to admit it is my least favorite place in France and possibly the world. Without going into my reasons and being negative about a well-loved landmark I would like to suggest a few other spots in Paris you might enjoy.

If you want to see the Eiffel Tower but you don’t need to go up in it, take one of the boat tours on the Seine. There are a variety to choose from including dinner cruises. We went on the Bateaux Mouches tour and had fun. I would recommend buying tickets in advance no matter what you do. We had the best results at the official tourist office in Paris at https://parisjetaime.com/eng/tickets?gclid=Cj0KCQjwpompBhDZARIsAFD_Fp-JZEFhLIFnGfwNLkUallT9q5kIxrcCFb06TEuz_tPG1S02Z4VYHTkaAk43EALw_wcB

We have also used Viator at https://www.viator.com/Paris-tourism but we had a few issues with them.

Try a cooking class. We went to Galleries Lafayette for a one-hour class on making Macarons. It was amazing, and although many of the cooking classes are expensive this one was $60.

The parks in Paris are so much more than green spaces. Luxembourg Gardens is a peaceful oasis in the city, but it also has a spot to picnic, two cafés, pony rides, a playground, a carrousel, a lake to sail toy boats, a beehive, a vineyard, pétanque and tennis courts, and plenty of history and art. We visited one on this trip called Le Jardin des Plantes. You enter through a tiny door thinking this must be a small park, but it is massive. There was a zoo and many exhibitions.

There are canal rides over near the Bastille.

Go to Forum Les Halles if you want a French mall experience.

If you are standing in front of Notre Dame go to the street behind you and turn the corner to your left. There is a series of plant and gift stores that are fun to walk through.

Although you can take a taxi, a bus, or the metro to get around, consider walking and you will find gems along the way.

It’s the Halloween season and the possibilities to enjoy it are endless. First decide if you want to celebrate it at home, in your neighborhood, or in the greater community, or all of them, then choose from the many activities available from each spot.

Celebrating at home can be fun especially if you are creative and enjoy decorating. My mom knew how to do Halloween right. It also helped that we had a super scary basement. She would put a table down there and cover it with bowls of things that we would have to put our fingers in and guess what it was. There was a huge bucket filled with water and apples and we would dunk for apples. We also carved pumpkins together and baked the seeds on the baking sheets. The best part was trick or treating and then dumping out our baskets to see what we had collected.

One year, we celebrated as a neighborhood, and at each house, someone appeared in a scary costume and read part of a scary story. The children in the neighborhood had so much fun. We also discovered one year ago that using power tools to carve pumpkins is the way to go.

Local organizations host fun parties. Check your local YMCA or local recreation center for activities. You can find pumpkin carving and most towns have trunk and treat options.

Decorations and costumes are everywhere, and you can buy them without breaking the bank. Dollar Tree, Target, and Walmart are great options but don’t forget your local thrift stores too.

Help local churches by buying pumpkins at their pumpkin patches.

Most of all, have a fun, safe, and spooky Halloween.

When you think of Paris you might think of fashion shows, high couture, and prices that match designer brands, but Paris has something for everyone when it comes to shopping. I went exploring some fun stores for shopping on a recent trip to the city of lights. Here are some recommendations.

Head to the Latin Quarter on Boulevard St. Michel. The stores are reasonably priced here because so many students frequent the area. If you are looking for clothing you have Étam and Pimkie. There is also a second-hand store that sells clothing by weight. We went in and were pleasantly surprised by the trendy clothes we found. They also claim to have the best vintage clothing around. There are also several stores for bags and shoes on this street. If you are looking for books/journals, or paper goods Gilbert Le Jeune has a massive store as well as several other stores according to subject along the whole street. They have books in multiple languages.

Monoprix is on this street and it has clothing, makeup, and groceries.

If you like sporting equipment, turn to Rue des écoles and visit Le Vieux Campeur. There are also second-hand book and music stores down the whole street.

Hop on the metro and go to station Forum les Halles. Forum Les Halles is a huge mall. It has H and M, Zara, and many other stores including a two-story pharmacy where you can receive recommendations on skin care. If you walk from the Latin Quarter to Forum Les Halles (go past Notre Dame) you will pass one of the big department stores, Samaritaine. There are two stores side by side. The first store has designer clothes and prices to match, and Louis Vuitton is across the street. The second store has prices that fit my budget more.

Galerie Lafayette and Le Printemps are two other large department stores. The prices were high, but I have a feeling there was probably a section of the store that was better priced.

If money is not a problem, go to The Champs-Elysées and enjoy some time in Louis Vuitton and Chanel!

We were wandering around one day and found a fantastic store called Le Coton Doux. They had unusual and vibrant shirts for men. Check them out at www.cotondoux.com.

You will find treasures by taking your time and wandering through this beautiful city. Happy shopping!

There are many forms of abuse, and they are all equally destructive. I have always thought that emotional abuse was one of the worst forms because it is easily hidden and hard to prove. Those being abused often blame themselves or don’t say anything because they don’t think anyone will believe them.

What does emotional abuse look like? It comes in a variety of forms, but the usual goal of an abuser is to tear down his target making the person feel useless, without value, a good for nothing. The weapons of an abuser are control, manipulation, deceit, isolation, and critique.

An abuser can be a master manipulator who sees using people as a game. He can be charming and funny, and no one would ever suspect that he has dark moods or anger issues. Imagine when someone is being abused by a charmer, and someone says, “He is so funny. You are so lucky to know him.”

An abuser uses every opportunity to critique the person being abused. Nothing the person being abused does is ever good enough. When a friend’s father passed several years ago he told me, “I feel so guilty, but I am relieved he is gone. I don’t have to listen to him telling me everything I do is wrong.”

Emotional abuse can be devastating, and although it doesn’t leave physical signs it can be debilitating to our mental health. If you are being emotionally abused please reach out to someone you trust for help.

What does it take to light your creative fire? What do you need to motivate you to create? Are there people in your life who try to extinguish those flames?

The life of a creative can be a roller coaster ride because one minute we can have a million great ideas, and at other times we question whether what we do has value. So with those conflicting feelings, how can you keep the creative fires burning? Here are a few ideas and observations.

Remember your why

Ask yourself why you want to create whatever your art form is. Do you need to create it to express yourself? As a writer, I have specific ideas that keep coming back and percolating in my brain until I write them out. Do you use your art to help others? All the art forms are healing both for the artist and the artist’s audience. Do you like the idea of a creative lifestyle? I always thought it would be amazing to create, but when it worked for me instead of working 9–5. I’m sure there are many other answers just keep your answer in view.

Document your success

On the rough days when you question your ability, it helps to have some proof that your art has made a difference. Keep notes from people who have let you know your creative talent has made a difference in your life. Have that documentation accessible so you can prove to yourself that you need to keep on creating.

See haters for who they are

Haters are looking for attention and they love drama. They are not interested in giving you a valid critique of your work that might help you grow your craft. If you engage with a hater and allow your emotions to run the show, you are fueling the hater’s fire, not yours.

Guard your energy

Where do you want to expend your energy? Decide how to answer this by deciding what brings you joy and what will fill your needs either financially or creatively.

After my third book was published I started to receive requests to come talk about writing and publishing. Opportunities like this can be one more way to put your name out there, it can be a way to serve your community, but it is also a time sucker. Ask yourself if it is worth it to do an event for free when you could have been creating.

Know Your Value

When I first started writing I read some advice that said every writer needs to create a writer’s footprint which means that you need to get your work published, so publishers can find you. This can mean doing work for free. I agree that if you want to build a portfolio doing work for free can be an easy way to do it, but at a certain point, you need to realize what your work is worth and say no to work without payment.

Don’t let the non-believers stop you

I have a close family member who thinks I am just playing with my writing. He makes depreciating comments that tell me he doesn’t take my writing seriously. This actually makes me want to work harder to be successful. I am going to prove I can make my dream a reality. If this sounds familiar to you keep moving forward.

Have fun

Nothing motivates me more than the feeling of excitement when I start a new project. Have fun with your creations.

In this day and age, we need inspiration and creativity. You can make a difference so keep moving forward.

Women often talk about wanting more equality with men, but sometimes the barriers in our way need to be torn down by us. We sometimes have some issues with the way we react to the success of another woman.

Have you ever felt guilty when you share an accomplishment with someone? That could be because we have heard and seen the reactions of women when that happens, and it isn’t always pretty. A woman I know was complaining that so many women on Facebook were bragging. She thought it was shameful. Although I know I am being naïve I would like to think most of the people on my Facebook feed are family and friends who would celebrate any success with me. Isn’t it more shameful to judge someone for sharing the joy of doing something extraordinary?

What if instead of feeling jealous when someone tells us about being successful at something we celebrated the person, and asked her advice on what works for her if that is something we would like to try? It is beautiful to watch women who help each other succeed, and it’s ugly when the opposite happens.

How do you react when someone congratulates you on your success? Do you say “Thank you”, or do you need to add a self-deprecating remark because you feel uncomfortable? Most success doesn’t happen because of luck. It usually requires time and effort to make it happen. I am a runner, and I do races almost every weekend. I am not super-fast, but I’m fast enough to medal in my age group usually. I was posting how I did at each race but stopped doing it after several negative comments were made to me. I started just saying that I had done a certain race, but then I realized that I had every right to post how I had done, and maybe I might inspire someone else to run if she saw the joy it brought me.

As odd as it sounds there are people who will resent your success. Keep moving forward and enjoying the ride. Let negative people take ownership of their issues. It’s not your problem.

I wish you all success at whatever brings you joy. Be proud of your success, own it, and never apologize.

One of the reasons I love my office is that I am surrounded by things that make me happy, cause me to laugh, inspire me, and lift me up. There are photos/cards/words of wisdom/journals and many other things. I was sitting here thinking how important it is to surround ourselves with the things that matter because although life is glorious it can also beat you up sometimes, so being surrounded by great things can provide some cushion. Here are a few ideas of what you might want to have nearby.

Your go-to songs

Music has the power to change your mood in a heartbeat. Remember the last time one of your favorite songs came on and it instantly brightened your mood. You might have a song that you love to sing at the top of your lungs in the car or one that makes you dance in the kitchen.

Keep a few humorous things nearby

My dog loves to attack sticks. If you didn’t know how gentle and non-aggressive he is you would swear you are watching a crazed beast as he conquers the stick. My neighbors know how much it makes me laugh, so for my birthday they found me a card with a dog that looks just like my dog, and he is balancing a stick on his nose with the caption, “Hope nobody else got you a stick.” I keep it next to me on my desk.

Have something beautiful close to you.

I love flowers and bright colors, so I have two bouquets of roses. One is pink and one is yellow.

Have an I am pretty cool board

Put up proof of all the cool things you have done and accomplished. That way when you have a bad day you can look at the board and remember you are cool.

Keep a dream board

It’s always fun to have pictures of the future you want to have. Keep your eyes on the prize!

Post inspiration everywhere

I have pictures of strong women, words of affirmation, and words of wisdom to keep me on the right path.

Keep the cupboards stocked with your favorite food

Food is love and life, so have the food you love close by to share with others and enjoy yourself.

Your friend list

On the days when you feel alone start scrolling through your friend list. I’m hoping you will feel as blessed as I do.