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Own Your Day

 

I believe completely in the idea that although we can’t always know what will happen to us each day, we do have a choice about how we react to what happens. Adjusting our attitude, staying rooted in positivity, and seeing the good side of a situation can not only change a situation but it can also change your whole day. You have the power to own your day.

You might ask why it is important to stay positive while your day feels like it should be in a disaster movie, so here are a few reasons why it makes a difference.

· Positivity is power. There are days when so many things are going wrong that you feel like you have to choose between laughing or crying. When you keep a positive attitude you are also maintaining control of the situation which makes you powerful. You can choose how you react, and choice gives you power. My morning started off a little shaky. I wanted to get up early to run because I had an early appointment, but the covers dragged me in longer since I knew how cold it was outside. As I headed out, I was carrying a cup of coffee and a can of seltzer I was going to put in the mailbox while I ran around the neighborhood. I tried to open the mailbox, but it was slightly stuck from the cold, and I dropped the open can of seltzer. As I tried to save it the coffee splashed everywhere. I could have started the oh, woe is me lament, but instead, I said, “Oh, Well.” And headed inside for a fresh drink.

· Your attitude could make you a change-maker. You might be the inspiration and the catalyst for change others need. If they see you handling difficult situations with ease, it might make them consider improving their attitude as well. I used to always tell my students that they were in control of their day. If someone or something had thrown negativity at them it was up to them to turn it around.

When my children were 14, 11, and 3, we had one of the roughest starts to the day I can remember. My husband was away on business, and I had a small window of time to get the three-year-old to day care and return to take the other two to school with me.

I had the three-year-old all ready to go and I was heading up the stairs to wake up the other two when I heard my daughter open her door and scream. I’m pretty sure that’s not a signal for a good start in anyone’s book. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw that the dog had pooped all along the hall, (it was a long hall) and when I opened my son’s door I saw that the dog had thrown up behind the door. I picked up the youngest who was moving toward the poop, and I noticed the other two were looking at me waiting for my reaction. I said, “You know, I have meetings all day, so I’m not sure when I can come back and clean this, but, oh well, I’ll be back after I drop off Katie.”

When I returned I was surprised to see that not only were they ready to go, but they had also cleaned up the whole mess and all I needed to do was run the steam cleaner that night. I felt so much better about the reaction I had than the one I think my children expected.

Here are a few ways that you can own your day.

· Whenever it’s possible laugh at the pitfalls. If you get worked up over everything that doesn’t go perfectly it will only raise your stress level. Laugh at it instead and keep moving.

· Have an attitude of gratitude. When you start to have a pity party remember that it could be worse.

· Start the day off right. Starting the day in a pleasant way will leave you with that memory for the rest of the day.

· Disconnect from everything at some point during the day. I don’t know if you watch the amazing show called Bluey, but the mom says, “Sometimes, you just need 20 minutes without speaking.”

Start tomorrow knowing you have the power to own your day. It is your decision every day.

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Mental Health and Running

No one would argue that running is a great sport to help us get fit and healthy. Physical benefits range from heart health, strengthening and toning the body, and weight loss. The physical benefits are so obvious that we might forget that the mental health effects are just as evident.

In the article, Whole Brain Health, Amrita Sharma PhD says, “When we do high-intensity exercise our heart rate increases, supplying more blood flow to the brain. The increased heart rate also increases our breathing, making us breathe harder and faster. As a result, more oxygen is supplied in our bloodstream, and more oxygen reaches our brains. This leads to neurogenesis, which is the production of neurons. Research has indicated that physical Exercise increases neurogenesis in the hippocampus, a brain area important for learning and memory. Additionally, Exercise also influences the neurotrophins, it’s the family of proteins that aids in neuron survival, development, and function. This leads to greater brain plasticity and as a result better memory and learning. Regular physical activity lowers the risk of developing cognitive impairment, such as dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease. This improvement from the exercise is for people with normal and also impaired cognitive health, including people with ADHD, schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, and stroke.”

Matt Vilardo tells how his running journey started when his dad asked him to come for a run. He thought this was odd because his dad was not a runner, but he went and enjoyed that time with his dad. The next day, Matt’s dad died in the attack on the Trade Center. He has used running to deal with depression and anxiety ever since. He says that running helps him to be a better husband and dad. Here is what he says about running. “According to the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly one in five Americans will suffer from a mental illness during their lifetime. I view running as a strong, first-line treatment for many problems that we face today. In fact, in other countries, exercise is used as a first-line medical treatment as opposed to just prescribing a pill. And that’s not to say that there aren’t many, many circumstances that require more than just physical exercise, but if you can combine running into your treatment, the benefits will be amplified.” You can read Matt’s story here. https://www.stillirun.org/post/how-running-for-mental-health-helped-me-through-grief-and-depression?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4MjgprbEgwMVpJ9aBR1VkwOPEAAYAiAAEgII_vD_BwE

Can exercise be medicine? The answer for myself would be yes. Running has always been what I turned to when life became overwhelming. It has been a healthy escape and a way to calm my stress. Sometimes I just need to get away from everything and recharge.

Running is restorative. There is something spiritual about being out in nature. I can work out problems, or I can think about nothing. I have had friends comment that I smile when I run, and that is proof to me that running makes me happy.

Running is a mood booster because you can see a transformation in your body if you are consistent, and the physical improvements will improve your mental health.

I am the most creative when I am out running, which isn’t always convenient. Something about running opens my mind, and I come up with tons of ideas for writing.

Running can also provide an individual with community. We can feel more connected and supported when we have friends.

I am so thankful for running because it has kept me sane in the tougher times. I hope more people will give it a try.

References

Whole Brain Health by Amrita Sharma PhD, July 2020 https://wholebrainhealth.org/exercise-and-brain-health/?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4MjgprbEgwMVpJ9aBR1VkwOPEAAYASAAEgJ45fD_BwE

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15 Reminders for 2024

There are many tips I know I should follow, and I have good intentions to do that, but sometimes I need a reminder. Do you feel that way too? I will read something inspirational on social media and say, “Oh, that’s so true. I need to remember that. Here are a few that I will hang in my office to do my best to live my best 2024.

Worry is wasted energy. I am a worrier, but I am working hard on recovering from it because I know how it can drain your energy and hurt your mental and physical health. If you work yourself into a state of anxiety you aren’t much good to anyone, and what you are worried about might not even happen.

I deserve good people around me. Why do we give second chances to people who are toxic to us? Spend your time with positive people who enjoy spending time with you. Walk away from negativity and hatefulness. You deserve better.

What I put into my body determines my health. We can make excuses all day long, but until we take responsibility for how we fuel our bodies we will have health issues, including feeling sluggish and unmotivated.

I shouldn’t judge anyone else until I’m perfect. (so, never!) none of us have perfect lives even though we try to portray our lives like that on social media. We don’t have any right to judge someone else when we have junk of our own.

I will not compare myself to others. Social media can stomp on your self-esteem when you see others who seem to have it all figured out while you aren’t there yet. Everyone is struggling with something, and you might not want to trade burdens with someone else.

Boundaries are important. Speak up for yourself when it comes to what you accept from others. Communicate clear boundaries.

Time spent on mental and physical health is always a good idea. Do what brings you peace and be intentional on working on your health.

Doing nothing sometimes is productive. Resting well and taking time to recharge can make you stronger and more productive.

Laughter is healing. It is difficult to stay sad when you are laughing.

Do what makes you happy. Don’t worry what others say about what makes you happy. Life is too short not to have fun.

Unplug sometimes. Sometimes we can be too connected and putting all our devices away can give us time to recharge.

Connecting with nature is good for you. There is something basic about being outside. It’s spiritual.

Love is a great response. Love feels so much better than hate

Kindness is a superpower. You can change someone’s life with kindness.

Travel makes you better. Travel can educate you, and make important connections for you.

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My Scariest Race

I have been racing for years, and I can attach emotions and stories to many of them, but one stands out as the scariest.

I enjoy running in any form, but my favorite races are ultramarathons. I have always done better with distance running when endurance was more important than speed. It is also the race that has taught me the most about my body and the limits where I can take it. Even though I love ultras I always feel like a fraud, as if I don’t compare with the other ultrarunners because they are a pretty tough group of people. At each race I go to I’m sure the ultramarathoners will discover I am an imposter.

I had heard about the Yeti races from several friends. They said they were amazing experiences, and they were also tough. I signed up for my first Yeti and was typically nervous about what to expect. I had no idea that I was about to experience so much.

The morning of the race, we heard the meteorologist say there might be storms. My first mistake was not to have brought rain gear. The race information said space was limited for canopies, so I asked my husband if we could be at the park as soon as it opened. He told me he wanted to have breakfast first and he was sure we would be fine. This was also the moment he chose to tell me he forgot the top of the canopy. Mistake number two and three were waiting to set up because there wasn’t any more room, and it began to rain very hard, so a canopy would have been nice. We found a corner to put a small tent that later flooded.

The race started and off we went in the rain and the dark. The course was tough but beautiful. A group of us had walked up a steep hill and at the top there was a lake. Suddenly one of the men fell. He stood up and then one of the women fell. Another woman said, “Can we all agree that this lake is cursed?” Have you ever been in a spot where the energy felt negative? Let’s just say I was happy to leave that lake behind. I finished the four-mile loop told my husband about the course, and then headed back out. I had no idea that a thunder and lightning storm was about to hit.

A mile into the loop, the storm hit. There was very heavy rain, thunder, and lightning. I was by myself, but I could see two women ahead of me, so I ran to catch up to them. I asked them if they minded if I stayed with them for a while. My new friends Eva and Marie were as nervous as I was about the storm. I was going against all the storm rules my mom taught me when I was younger. I could hear her saying, “Don’t be in water, don’t be up high, or around trees.” I was in a lot of water, in the woods, walking up to a ridgeline. None of this added up to a good time.

Marie said, “As long as you can hear the birds, we are okay.” I’m not kidding you that 3 seconds after she said that it went dead quiet. I said, “Marie, I don’t hear the birds.” She said, “I know. We’re screwed.”

I have never been on a run before and I feared for my life. Lightning struck once not far from me, and I jumped off the trail. I kept thinking I didn’t want the headlines to say, “She died doing what she loved.”

We weren’t the only ones running out there. Every once in a while, someone would come running by because why would you let possibly being struck by lightning keep you from your mileage goal?

When I made it to the staging area I was soaked. I asked my husband if he knew when the storm would stop, and he said it was going to be off and on all day. I was still healing from a torn meniscus, so the slick conditions also were worrying me.

A friend of mine was there, and I said, “I think I’m going to stop.” He knew about my knee, and he said, “What if you slipped on those hills and hurt yourself again?” That helped me a little, but as we were leaving, my husband turned around just as my face was crumpling and the tears were about to come because I don’t like to quit. He said, “There is a difference between being a badass and a dumbass. You need to be able to run another day instead of being hurt.”

It bothered me to stop, but I will be back this year to try again. I will also be praying for no storms.

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Ten Things a Runner Should Not Do

Runners are rebels and rule breakers, and what works for one person might not work for someone else, so I offer this list knowing that some runners will agree with some and not others. I would love to hear what you would add to the list of what not to do as a runner.

Don’t scrimp on shoes.

I have seen runners running in all kinds of footwear, and I know everyone has different preferences, but a good pair of shoes can make a difference in keeping your feet safe. Shoes that are too small can cause black toe. Shoes that are too big can produce blisters, and shoes that don’t provide enough cushioning or support can lead to other injuries. There is usually someone knowledgeable at a local sports store who can help find the shoe that is good for you.

Don’t increase mileage too fast.

Trying to do too much too soon can cause an injury from overuse, and too much stress on the body can lower the immune system and make a runner more susceptible to illness. Runners should increase their mileage gradually and allow the body to adapt.

Don’t run in the dark without reflective clothing.

Drivers are distracted enough by everything around them and in the car. Don’t expect them to see a dark figure running on the side of the road. Runners shouldn’t let themselves be distracted either. Running at night might be a good time to run without music.

Don’t run alone at night.

There is always safety in numbers and running with friends will cut down on the risk of crime. It also ensures if you are injured someone will be there to help you.

Don’t think of a day off as a bad thing.

Everyone needs rest; a rest day can be vital to any training program. A day off from running is an opportunity to cross-train, but you also need a true rest day sometimes.

Don’t eat unusual or hard-to-digest food before a race.

Everyone’s system is different. I cannot eat chili the night before unless I want to be miserable during the entire race. It’s a better idea to stick to food that the stomach will manage easily.

Don’t run the same distance and the same route every day.

You can train your body to do almost anything, but if you do the same routine every day you might not see the same results that you will see if you do a combination of speed, strength, distance, and easy runs. It also makes your training more interesting.

Don’t skip the warm-up.

The warm-up can consist of what works for you. I do a nice easy slow run when I first start out to warm up all my muscles and work out the kinks. Adopt a routine that works; but, in any case, do not start running hard without warming up the muscles.

Don’t ignore an injury.

It is very hard for a passionate runner not to run, and often runners will try to ignore a small injury. The problem is that a small injury can become a serious injury-one that will take a person away from running much longer than if the small injury had been taken care of in the first place.

Don’t just run.

I remember when the soccer coach walked over to me before cross-country practice and said, “You have such an easy job. All you have to do is tell them to run.” I smiled and said, “Well, it’s a little more complicated than that.” The truth is if I thought I could get away with it I would choose only to run, but I know I will be a better runner if I strength train and cross-train.

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You Never Know

Life is so full of uncertainty and possibilities that you can never be sure of what is going to happen next. You can prepare and pray to the best of your ability, but you can never know for sure what adventure awaits you. Here are a few situations that fall under the category of you never know.

A new opportunity

I have a sign on my desk that says, “Always imagine that your next adventure is about to happen.” When you think that way, it feels as if every day is a gift, and the possibilities inside are endless. New doors open all the time when we least expect it. It helps to be open to the possibility of allowing change to enter your life.

When your words matter

Words are so powerful, and you never know when yours will make a difference. I always start my day with the same prayer that I will lift people up and not tear them down. You never know when simple words you offer someone might be exactly what she needs.

How kindness can make a difference

Everyone struggles with something in life, so kindness is always needed. I do my best to respond to hatefulness with kindness, but I admit that I have a limit where the ugly side of me comes out.

When transparency can save someone

So many people are afraid of being judged, but if we are honest about our junk, it can give relief to someone who is struggling.

What positivity can do

Positivity is a game changer, and you don’t have anything to lose by using it. It can change the outcome of a situation and make you feel better.

When new friends will enter

Wonderful people can come into your life at any moment, so be ready to receive them.

When a good attitude is needed

I had some health issues this year. I had an afib incident which meant I had every heart test in the book but did not find any answers. I also tore my meniscus which was rough for an avid runner, but I decided I was going to have a good attitude and it made a huge difference.

So, prepare yourself for a new year because you never know!

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Don’t Lose Yourself in a Relationship

I believe in love and its healing power, but I also know that people’s perceptions of love can be vastly different and sometimes twisted. Most relationships take at least a little work to make them the positive connections they can be. Still, there are also many situations where one of the people in the relationship becomes lost and overpowered by the other personality. It could be that one person is a controller and the other person becomes passive to avoid conflict. Another possibility is one person is a perfectionist who constantly critiques the other person until he feels less than others. No matter what the situation is if you are unhappy or feel you have lost your voice in a relationship then it is time for a change. Here are a few things you can do to avoid losing yourself.

Set boundaries

Every relationship needs to establish what is acceptable or not for each individual. Talk about what are the deal breakers, and what are those things that you expect. Expectations include being heard. Decisions should be a collaboration and not decided by only one person. There has to be some compromise about likes and dislikes.

Communicate

Talk about everything. What are your expectations? As husband and wife, you should discuss major decisions before acting on them. I heard a story recently of a husband who drained the couple’s savings account and bought a truck because he said he would need it for a business he wanted to start. The wife was blindsided. Have those uncomfortable conversations before a problem arises.

Know your worth

Being criticized constantly makes you question your self-worth. You might also ask if the conflict is your fault, but you need to know that your feelings and needs count as much as anyone else. You don’t have to be condemned to a toxic situation.

Know the difference between support and a need to change

As partners or friends, we want to be supportive in the bad times, but there are situations where change is the solution, and we cannot support destructive continued behavior.

In a good relationship, you should feel supported and as if someone always has your back. There should be trust and communication. When those elements are missing it’s time for some tough decisions.

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My Failure As a Business Owner And Why It Was An Amazing Experience

We hear the message all the time that we should follow our dreams, take a risk, and follow our passions. I believe 100% in those ideas, but I tend to be too practical to take the leap. I used to watch House Hunters International, and I was always in awe of the people who decided to leave the law practice behind to be a yoga teacher in Bora Bora. I look at those people with admiration that they have the courage to stop doing something they don’t enjoy and take a chance on something risky but spectacular. They realized that we are not condemned to do something that does not bring us joy and that life is too short to not try for the best we can do.

Now, I admire them for taking the leap, but I was still asking practical questions. How are they going to survive financially? Did they research the schools in Bora Bora? What if the yoga school doesn’t work? I have been raised to put the practicalities first, so what I did 33 years ago was out of character for me.

I had two children who were four and one, I taught French full-time at a boarding school, and I was traveling two hours once a week to work on my masters. Somehow I thought this would be a good time to start a business. Have you ever had an idea about something you want to do or should do that won’t leave your mind? That’s how it was with the idea of a bookstore.

Books saved me when I was growing up. I was socially awkward and couldn’t find where I fit in. Books gave me an escape. I have also loved writing since I can remember. If I was going to start a business I knew that a bookstore was perfect for me.

I had the conversation with my husband, and I’ll be honest I don’t remember his reaction but I’m going to guess it took some convincing before he thought it was a good idea. I then went to my headmaster and described my idea and asked if next fall could I have a schedule where I taught until 12:30. I also asked for a year where I did not have to coach. I will always be grateful that he said yes.

I then began going through the steps of finding a spot for the bookstore and researching what was involved. My town had a business mentoring program, so I was paired with a man who had been running a bed and breakfast-business for many years. His wisdom and guidance were invaluable.

I found a small space with reasonable rent behind a popular clothing store and across from the post office. My husband built me a beautiful counter and bookshelves, I ordered the books, and we opened in June shortly after school ended. I didn’t have daycare for the summer, so the kids came with me each day. It was a tiny space, so it was hard to keep them entertained and assist customers, but I loved it. I had made a fun space behind the counter where the children could play and take a nap. My daughter said she loved when we were there because I would read them stories and rub their backs to get them to take a nap.

There were some adventures in our tiny space. One day, we came in and Jess said she needed to use the bathroom. She opened the door and said, “Mommy, come here quick!!” Two large mice were floating in the toilet. I didn’t want to touch them, so I did the first thing that came to mind and flushed the toilet. My husband said, “I cannot believe that you did not end up with two dead mice and a clogged toilet.”

During the summer, we met several authors who lived in the area. They wanted to support a local bookstore and it was a treat for me to meet them. I partnered with the library once to do an author meet and greet.

When fall came and I had to go back to teach and to do graduate studies it became difficult to take care of the business. I hired someone who wasn’t very competent and I couldn’t put in the time that I would have liked. I was also exhausted. We had to read a book a week in French and do twenty-page papers, so my husband would find me asleep on the floor in the living room with a book tucked to my chest.

I finally had to realize that we were losing too much money to continue the bookstore. Our space was too small, I was competing with a large, well-established bookstore in the next town, and I didn’t have the time to devote to it, or the money to pay someone else to do that for me.

Having the bookstore was such a blessing to me and although it was not a success I learned so much from the experience. I have no regrets about taking that leap and giving it a try.

If you are considering starting a business I would suggest the following.

· Ask yourself why you want to start this business. When you have the rough days you will have to lean on the why.

· Do your homework. How can you make this work?

· Find a mentor and ask questions about everything.

· Don’t rush into anything. Take your time and do not put yourself in financial difficulty.

· Ask for help.

· Have a marketing plan

· Harness social media.

· Talk to everyone and steal the good ideas.

Good luck!

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Does Having a Running Nemesis Make Us Better Runners?

The definition of a nemesis is the cause of someone’s downfall, but there can be a positive aspect to that idea too. My running friends joke about who our running nemesis is. We are talking about that person who runs faster than us and is also in our age group potentially keeping us from winning a spot on the podium. Of course, we are often excited when the nemesis does not show up, but most of our glory moments involve the nemesis because that person can push us to be better. We want to train harder so we might be able to beat the nemesis this time. Here are a few examples of our interactions with our nemeses.

My friend Dan came back to running several years ago after being away from the sport for quite a while. He was finishing with a decent race time, but he noticed that a certain man in his age group was beating him at every race. At one race, I heard Dan say, “I’ll never be able to beat him.” Fortunately, though Dan started to change his mindset and train harder, Michael gave him a goal to shoot for, and Dan’s last finishing time was very close to what Michael’s time is usually. Even though Michael has beaten him consistently, Dan used that to become better and stronger.

My nemesis’ name is Monica. Monica is about a minute faster than I am when it comes to finishing time. She runs the race smarter than I do because I usually go out too fast, and then at mile two when I start to slow down, Monica runs by me and says hello. I have only beaten her several times, and one of them was glorious. We were doing an out-and-back 5k. Monica was running ahead of me and talking with a friend. My race strategy was different this time as I stayed close enough to be a threat at the end, but not close enough to be noticed. With a half-mile to go, I started sprinting. I passed Monica and her friend and crossed the line before them. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and it took me a minute to have enough breath to explain to my friend at the finish what happened, but I enjoyed the moment. Monica was probably thinking I had lost my mind.

Are you someone’s nemesis? Who can you push to be better by being a threat to his success?

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The Ebb and Flow of Writing

I have often seen the advice that writers should write every day. I see the strength of that advice because it makes sense that you should practice your craft to improve, but my creativity doesn’t work that way. My ideas for writing come to me in the following ways.

The tsunami

This is when everything has been quiet on the writing front for a while when suddenly I have 50 ideas at once. I write them on my whiteboard and work on them individually, but I cannot help feeling overwhelmed by so many ideas at once.

The ideas that come at the wrong time

Does anyone else have great ideas for a story when you are out for a long run, or grocery shopping, or at 3 in the morning? I have my most creative ideas when the chance of forgetting them is the greatest.

The thoughts that need to percolate a while longer

When I started my first fiction piece, I had a huge board with all the characters, their names, and personalities. The plot came out a piece at a time, and as much as I loved the ideas, I couldn’t make myself focus on it. I sent a query letter out when I had eight pages written. Two publishers replied that they would like to see the complete manuscript. When could I have it ready? That was the motivation I needed.

I can go in search of ideas for a piece, but for me, writing is best when it comes naturally. It might jump out of a conversation and slap me in the face like when I talked to my husband about how different a 5k was from a marathon when he said, “It’s an entirely different beast.” That led to a successful article with that title. Sometimes, it’s something I read in the paper or an experience, but I don’t write well when I have to force it.