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How to Win

Would you be surprised to know that your success is completely up to you? We often blame a lack of what we want on outside sources, but a lack of success is because we are often getting in our way, but if we follow a few strategies we can make some positive changes in our lives. Here are a few things you can do to move towards your happiness.

Change your thinking

Do you find yourself finding all the reasons why you haven’t achieved all your goals instead of believing it is possible? Do you use excuses like I don’t have the money, intelligence, contacts, or know how to make it work? Instead of finding the reasons why your dreams will never work start seeing the possibilities. Imagine having the life you have always imagined. What does that life look like? What would you have to change to make it happen? Make a plan and start kicking through some barriers.

I always tell my students that their thinking will change everything. If you think you can, you will if you think you will fail you will. A journalist was interviewing the famous French football player Killian Mbappe. He asked him if he ever worried about making a shot. Killian said he couldn’t allow himself to think that way. He always approached the goal telling himself he would make it.

Every time you imagine the barriers to your dreams, you change your thoughts to imagine yourself achieving your goals.

Control the voices

The voices in your head are even more dangerous than the other voices you hear because we are our own worst critics. Do you listen to yourself expecting to fail? Do you call yourself an idiot or say things like, “I don’t know why I thought I could do that, or I always mess things up.” Start to talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend. Be kind and supportive of yourself. When the negative voices sneak in kick them to the curb and replace them with positive statements.

Handle haters

Haters are pot stirrers. They want to create drama and tear you down. Don’t even engage with them. As a writer, I open myself to criticism every time I publish a piece. Negativity used to bother me until I wrote an article about Christmas lights and the comments ranged from racial slurs to political rants. I let my daughters read them and they both looked at me and said, “This was about Christmas lights?” After that, I didn’t pay too much attention to negative comments.

Believe

Since I fell in love with ultra-marathons I have been trying to reach the 50-mile mark. I asked my ultra mentor for advice. He gave me three pages of information to use at my next race and the end he said, “The most important piece of advice I can give you is to believe you can do it.” I know he is right because the mental strength for a challenge is even more important than preparing yourself physically. Use visualization to see yourself achieving your goals. Athletes use this technique all the time. Convince yourself that you are capable and see what happens.

Know you are worthy

Have you ever thought that you might not deserve something better? That is balderdash! You deserve happiness through achieving your goals. If you need help believing it make a list of your accomplishments and strengths.

Ask questions

Find an expert that can help you with your goals. Ask all the questions you can think of and watch the experts at work. See how they do well at what you want to achieve.

Keep growing and learning

Never feel as if you have arrived. There is always something new to learn and improvements you can make.

Use the energy around you

Everything has energy. Use nature’s energy to restore yours by feeling calm and peaceful. Always take the time to recharge.

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10 Pearls of Wisdom to Teach Your Children

I taught for 40 years, and every year I put my heart and my soul into my classes hoping my students would master the material. Still, about halfway through my career, I realized that there were life skills I could teach them while teaching the material and those life skills were so much more crucial than mastering my content. Here are a few of the concepts that are important to teach our children.

Positivity

At the start of every school year, I would talk to my students about the power of a positive attitude. I used a demonstration to prove my point. I would ask for a volunteer and tell the student to hold out one arm, shoulder height, and ask them to start saying, “I will hold my arm up”. I had them say it about 6 times and then I would try to pull the arm down, but the arm wouldn’t budge. Then I would tell the student to say, “I cannot hold my arm up.” I would push on the arm again and the arm always dropped. The students were always surprised and usually one or two more wanted to try. I talked to them about how our attitude influences our performance and how you should turn your words from negative to positive and see what happens.

I showed my family many years ago what you can do when you send out positive thoughts. We would pull into a restaurant where the parking lot was almost full and I would say, “We are going to get right in.” They were surprised the first few times it worked. Yesterday, we went to our favorite breakfast spot which is always busy. My husband dropped us off and parked the car. Of course, we were seated immediately. He came in and said, “Positivity wins again!”

Kindness

Everyone carries a burden of some kind and there is no way to know who is carrying a heavy one. We need more kindness to heal the hurt and it is so easy to do. It’s great if you can afford to buy someone a coffee, but simple acts can have huge impacts. These include a smile, a kind word, or listening to someone who needs to tell you his story. Our most precious gift to someone is often our time.

Resilience

Life can be tough sometimes, and recovering each time you feel knocked down can be an important life skill. A sense of humor is a great weapon when learning to be resilient.

Boundaries

I love helping people, but sometimes people take advantage of a kind nature. Teach your children to express what they are willing to do and what is beyond their comfort level. Saying no can often make a situation better if saying yes would make you feel overwhelmed and unhappy. Drawing boundaries also means letting people know your standards and how you want to be treated.

Follow your dreams

I have seen too many people who are miserable because they didn’t follow their passions. If you feel at peace doing something and it is something you can’t wait to do in the morning then that is what you should do.

Balance

Small children are fun to watch because they approach everything with so much joy. They play hard but they also value the quiet times that might be found exploring for bugs or curling up and coloring. As they grow their day can be jammed with activities, but they still need time to play. Help them figure out how to do that.

Priorities

What is important in your life? What brings you joy? We should do our best to teach our children what matters in life and guide them on how to make those things priorities.

Healthy relationships

When children are little everyone is a potential friend, but when they are older relationships become more complicated. Talk to them about the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship.

Transparency

When you are honest with your child about your struggles you can teach him about the importance of communication and talking about what is happening in each person’s life.

Healthy habits

You are your child’s model. Show them the importance of healthy eating and exercise.

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Lift Your Limitations

Have you ever thought something was beyond your reach? You see it as something impossible to achieve and then something shifts, and you begin to see the possibilities. What changes something from impossible to possible? Can you imagine that it is as simple as lifting the limitations you have placed on yourself?

I will always remember a woman we met at a half-marathon. She told us she had only been running for a year. She said she always saw running as something she would never be able to do. Only the super-fit did it, and it was too hard for her. Then, one day, a friend asked her to help her train for a 5k. Have you ever noticed that friends often convince us to try something that might seem like a bad idea at the time? Imagine all the adventures and stories we would miss if we said no because of fear.

The two friends started slowly, and the day came to do the race. When the lady arrived she was surprised to see that there were so many different fitness levels and she instantly noticed how welcoming the running community was. She had a great time and couldn’t wait for the next race. She found the courage to do a 10k and now she was doing a half. She told us that 5ks were a gateway drug. She lifted her limitations and now she could see all the possibilities.

I had a similar experience. I had done several marathons, but I thought that was my limit. A friend asked if I would ever do an ultra. I laughed and told him I thought anything more than 26.2 miles was beyond my reach. Shortly after, a friend told me about a loop ultra near us that her husband did every year. She told me it was a very relaxed atmosphere. It was a 1-mile loop, so I could stop whenever I wanted. I decided to do it but I was slightly terrified because I was certain I wasn’t an ultra-runner. When I arrived the runners were talking about the 100 milers they had done. The races had names like Blood Rock 100, and Coyote Canyon Challenge. I felt out of place, but by the end of the race I had fallen in love with the ultra-community and this distance. I only ran 27 miles at my first race. The man in front of me had done thirty. I said, “Good job.” He replied, “Thank you, but my eyesight is blurry right now. I think I went farther than I should have.” Instead of thinking he was crazy to push himself that far, I found myself thinking I hoped I could someday be so fearless that I would push slightly beyond what I thought were my limits. If you were wondering, he was fine after resting for a bit.

I see the same fearless abandon in some of the runners I meet at ultras. I am a planner who shows up with a container filled with extra clothes and shoes, another with food, and a third with a medical kit. I am in awe of the people who come with nothing but what they are wearing for the day. They jump into the experience without thinking of anything that might go wrong and they use the resources available. Clean up at the end when you are exhausted is much sweeter for them.

I have a friend, Sally, who has that fearless, limitless nature. She wants to enjoy experiences especially when a group of friends are involved. She will sign up for any race if friends ask her. She is a veteran runner who can impart some great wisdom. At my first half, Sally saw that I was going to run it like a 5k, so she grabbed my arm and said, “No!” She saved me from having an unpleasant experience. We asked her to do a 15k with us once and she said, “Sure!” We found out later she had not been training much and had not run more than three miles in the past month. When my friend Raleigh and I were done we ran out to her and ran in with her. I love that picture of us running her in because although she must have felt the lack of training and it had poured for most of the race, you can see the pure joy on her face because she said yes to an adventure instead of giving in to limitations.

Of course, there are times when it might be a better idea to see the limitations. My husband and I were doing a Yeti 11-hour endurance run when we met a man who was doing the Yeti Snakebite 200 the following week. On the way home my husband and I started a conversation that went like this,

“200 miles! I can’t wrap my head around that!”

“I know. That’s crazy talk. I can’t imagine doing that.”

Then there were some quiet moments and the conversation changed slightly.

“Well, the rules say you have to do at least 50 miles a day, so you could do the 50 then rest until the next day.”

“Hmmm. That’s true. 50 miles a day for four days, could you do it?”

“Probably not, but I’m starting to see the possibilities.”

After a few minutes, reality set in that I should be able to run fifty miles even one day before I start trying to do it four days in a row. Who knows though, it might be possible someday.

Another form of limitation is believing you can only train and race by running. I used to think if I walked during a race I had cheated and if I trained without running it wasn’t complete training, but I feel very differently now. When I was injured I was moaning to a friend that I had walked 6 miles, but I wished I could have run it. He said, “Jen, you covered the same distance as someone who ran it. A mile is a mile. Time on your feet is what counts.” I also have learned how much cross-training can help me. Don’t let anything limit you from improving your running and enjoying the experience.

I hope you will lift any limitations you have that hold you back from completely enjoying the experience of running. Throw your fear away jump into new experiences and most importantly, enjoy the journey!

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Life Advice From My Garden

My garden is a little bit of a mess. There is a wildness because I allow nature to do its thing, so there are berry patches and wildflowers mixed in with the vegetables. As I walk among the chaos, I can’t help but realize that the garden has life lessons to teach me. Here are a few.

You can thrive in adversity.

The weather has been crazy lately, and the garden has been hit with a few storms, but it is resilient and always bounces back. Being resilient in life when life throws us curveballs is important too. When you have a tornado hit your life, be calm in the middle of the storm and adopt an attitude that includes a plan about coming back stronger.

We need to be fueled to grow.

Plants need water and sun, but they also need pollinators, and it has been proven that talking and singing to the plants helps them grow. I tell mine every day how amazing they look. I give them a pep talk.

We need to be fueled too and not only with food and drink. We need to hear affirmations and kind words. We need support and those things that fill us up.

Watch out for the pests.

There are often bugs hiding that can cause a lot of damage. Be careful of those people who want to make your life difficult because they can hide their true intentions.

We can help each other.

I love seeing two plants helping each other. It could be a leaf shielding a strawberry, or a plant leaning against another plant for support. If we could follow that model and help and understand each other more imagine what we could do.

The weeds are toxic.

The weeds steal the nourishment of the plants and they can cover them when they need the light to grow. Toxic people are harmful too. They steal our joy and create stress and unpleasantness.

There are possibilities everywhere.

Even in the chaos, there are possibilities. The best carrot in the garden might be the seed I dropped near the cucumbers. You never know what might happen. The same is true in life. You never know what door will open to an incredible opportunity.

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Don’t Lose The Fun in the Run

There are many reasons to run including improving your health, feeling stronger, finding peace, and meeting people, but for me, the biggest reason is the joy I find in running. Recently, I have changed my perspective about training and racing because I always want to have fun running.

Part of my change in perspective is due to an injury and aging. My body can no longer take intense training, so I have changed my routine, and I listen to my body more. In some ways, this has made running more fun. Instead of focusing so much on my performance, I’m more relaxed and enjoying the moment.

Sometimes we can get lost in the obsession to keep getting better, and faster, and we lose the magic of a run being just a run instead of a planned training routine.

I was recently at an ultra where I met a woman who was killing it in the race. She was on track to win the six-hour race, she was the owner of a race organization, and she looked incredibly fit. At one point we were both taking a break and no one else was around us. I told her what a great job she was doing, but her reply surprised me. She said, “I wish I didn’t have to train so much. I’m so tired.” She sounded so sad.

I understand the sense of competition. I might tell my friends I’m going to run a race for fun, but the minute I see a woman in my age group I will hurt myself to beat her.

The joy of running comes in many forms. I have watched people who are so excited when they win a medal while others are happy to cross the line. It can be seen with friends supporting each other, it can even be seen in shared misery like the race when it rained, snowed, and hailed. We were laughing because we were sure it couldn’t get worse, but then it hailed.

One of my best examples of joy in the run was at a half-marathon. I was behind a group of eight women who were going to run the whole race together. There was music playing quietly and they were talking and laughing. I asked them if they would adopt me, and I became their new friend Jen. I loved seeing how much fun they were having.

Remember that training is important, but don’t forget to have fun too!

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Protecting Yourself From Your Thoughts

We spend a great deal of time talking about our physical health because we want our bodies to be strong so we can live long and well, but we forget that the mind and body have to be in balance for optimum health. Why don’t we do a better job working on our mental health?

Our thoughts can have a huge impact on our bodies, our relationships, and our lives in general. In the same way, we work on our bodies, we have to work on our thoughts.

What are the thoughts that can be harmful to us? I am a strong believer that the energy we put out can come back to us, and the wrong type of energy like stress can drain us. Any negative thought has the potential to be dangerous. Negativity is like dominos; one sneaks in and fosters more until you are consumed by them.

I wrote an article called, “When Demons Whisper” about the people who commit suicide or consider it even though they seem to have it all, but none of that matters when the voices take over. There isn’t a reason for the depression, but it sneaks in through our thoughts. You have to fight those voices and realize you are here for a purpose, and you are loved and needed.

There are other thoughts you may want to change.

One of these thoughts is when you don’t think you are good enough. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were always confident in what we do and resilient when we fall short? Unfortunately, many of us are our own worst friends. We can be harder on ourselves than anyone else can. I am always surprised when someone I admire confesses to feeling inadequate.

If you find yourself feeling you don’t have value, make a list of your achievements. Those achievements don’t have to be grandiose. It could be an impact you had on someone or something you did that helped a situation. When the list of what you are capable of is in front of you it’s more difficult to refute the reality. If you have trouble making the list ask a friend to help you.

Guard your thoughts about other people. Being angry or bitter about the way you have been treated by someone could affect your health. Let people own their issues.

Be careful about comparing yourself with others or wishing to be like them. A perfect exterior can hide a lot of ugly, so you might be happier with your life.

Your thoughts can have a huge impact on you, so be intentional about the dialogue running through your head.

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What Happens When Your Whole Neighborhood is Haunted

You can ask any of my neighbors if their house is haunted and the answer is a resounding yes. Our cul-de-sac was built over a civil war camp, and some of the people from the camp frequently visit us in different forms.

It’s always fun when someone new moves into the neighborhood, and after a month I ask if they have experienced anything strange in the house. There is always a look of relief and a comment like, “I thought I was going crazy.” Nope, it’s a neighborhood thing.

Our newest neighbor is a single mother with two beautiful daughters who are four and six. The mother was complaining that the four-year-old kept locking her door. They came over for dinner, so I asked her who she wanted to keep out, and she answered, “The ghosts.” I could see that her mother had not asked her that and was surprised at the answer. I have often heard that children are more able to see ghosts, so I’m sure she was scared.

Two nights ago, my youngest woke me up as she screamed and came running into my room. She has a clothes rack near her closet as well as a large lamp. Both came crashing down near her bed. She said, “Mom, what would make them fall over?” I said, “Kate, it had to have been a ghost.”

Each house has similar experiences of seeing a flash of something in the corner of your eye, strange noises, lights, and television going on and off, and some say they have heard voices.

My youngest has always said that when she was younger there were white orbs in her room. Our last dog would lie on my bed stare at something that only she saw and growl. After a few minutes, she would stop as if whatever she saw had left. One night, the light near my bed turned off. I thought maybe the lightbulb was loose, but when I checked it the bulb was fine. The next night it happened again. I said, “You scare me when you do that.” The light came back on, and it hasn’t happened again. The only time I heard voices was once when I was working in my office and I heard someone say, “Help.” We used to have a young man house sit for us as we went on vacation, and every time he told us that he couldn’t sleep because there was so much noise.

My daughter stayed at our neighbor’s house while they were on vacation because their dog was anxious if she was left alone. After the first night, she told me things turned on and off all night.

We always have stories to share at neighborhood get-togethers, and we are all figuring out how to live with the neighborhood ghosts.

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When a Pet Chooses You

Most pet owners do their best to pick the right pet for them. They might visit shelters, talk to rescue organizations, or go through a breeder, but have you ever had a pet that picked you?

I have only had it happen once and it was a cat that we named Shadow. He was top three on the best pet list. Let me tell you how he became part of our family.

I was working at a boarding school that provided free housing for faculty. I had recently had my third child and we needed a slightly larger house, so we were moving into a beautiful house near the horse stables with a gorgeous view of the mountains. It was a rainy day when I looked out and saw a black kitten huddled on the ground in our driveway. My husband is not an animal lover, so he told us to leave it alone, but the cat refused to leave it had decided we were its family.

Even when we let the dogs out to go to the bathroom Shadow wasn’t scared. He stayed where he was as if he was waiting for us to figure out we belonged together. I finally said to my husband, “He’s not leaving, so I am going to bring him in and feed him.” I was slightly surprised that he agreed, but I think he realized that we were meant to be together.

Shadow taught me life lessons. When I was stressed and feeling overwhelmed, I would see Shadow taking his tenth nap of the day, or lying peacefully while he surveyed the situation. He was loving, easy to take care of, a blessing, and we belonged to him.

I wondered if we would ever have an experience like that again, and I think it is happening. Our neighbors behind us take in rescue dogs and one of them comes to our fence whenever he sees me in the yard. He whines until I come to talk to him. I have an odd sensation that he is supposed to be mine, but I cannot imagine my husband saying yes because he is huge! I have named him Jonah, and who knows what will happen!  

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Life With a Border Collie

Before my Border Collie Bandit entered my life, I knew nothing about this breed. I have never had a dog like this, and to describe my experience would be to say that there have been days when I wondered if I was the right human for him. There are other days when I need to take a break before I lose my mind but through it all I am honored to be his owner.

Bandit became mine shortly after I retired. I was dreaming of sleeping late, reading quietly on the couch, and taking naps in the hammock. After 40 years of teaching, I was tired and I was ready to rest, but then there was Bandit.

Our neighbor is a dog trainer, and she is the one who brought Bandit to me. She took him from a couple who had purchased him as an emotional support dog, but he had too much energy for them. I asked if my husband and I could see him when she came back. Lynn opened the crate, and four-month-old Bandit came running into my arms, and I lost my heart.

During the first few days, I realized how much attention he needed. I wasn’t sure if I was a good enough owner for him. At the time, I wasn’t sure what he needed. My friend Lynn helped me by giving him some basic training. She also gave me more than one pep talk. She told me to talk to him. This breed is smart and sometimes I think Bandit’s vocabulary equals mine. I also tell him what I’m about to do to allow him to adjust if he needs to. He doesn’t like the vacuum cleaner, so I tell him before I start so he can run to his safe place. We use a crate at night, but his safe place is the sofa in my office. My husband is not an avid animal lover like I am, so it surprised me when he told me to keep him. Bandit tore up two pairs of my Nike running leggings, and my comfy pants, so my husband said, “Let’s go shopping. You probably needed some new leggings anyway.”

I would be lying if I said taking care of him was easy. I have to take him out and let him run every few hours. If I am not interacting with him for too long he will appear, put his head in my lap, and look at me with sad eyes. His obsession with tennis balls is maddening. It’s a little like water torture when he has brought you a ball to throw for an hour straight.

I’m sure not all Border Collies are the same, but mine is high-energy. I describe him as frenetic. My husband was taking him out in the morning and expecting him to go to the bathroom and come back inside. I explained to him that he has to run off his crazy. I let him speed into our back yard and then we play Frisbie for a while with the Frisbie du jour because there is always only one Frisbie that he wants to play with, and it might not be the same one from day to day.

He needs to have jobs like bringing in the paper or helping me take out the trash, and I have purchased several interactive toys to keep him engaged.

He wants to please so badly, but sometimes he can’t control himself when he catches sight of a squirrel that he wants to chase. He does not like raised voices, (he crumbles), so I reprimand him gently as I would a child, and it all goes out the window when the next squirrel appears.

Bandit was born a week after my grandson, so he will turn three in June. They are best buddies and Bandit has always been so careful around him and he is so excited when he sees his car coming in the driveway.

This beautiful, crazy dog has kept me active and creative. I will continue to do my best to care for him and give him what he needs, but I do think I am going to hide the tennis balls.

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What Superpower Do You Want?

Have you ever thought about which superpower you would want? There are a few that come with pros and cons, so you have to evaluate them before you choose. Here are a few examples.

The ability to fly. Most children would love to be able to fly. I remember jumping off the picnic table hoping I would take air, but gravity won every time. Now that I’m older my fear of heights keeps this superpower off my list.

Invisibility. This would come in handy if you wanted to hear what people were saying about you, but some people can be harsh enough with what they say in front of you. I can’t imagine how hateful they can be when they think you can’t hear them.

Time travel. I think this one would be cool but be careful what time you choose because even though there are attractive things about certain ages, there is also a lot of potential death.

The power to read thoughts. You could finally be sure someone was lying or being honest, but are you ready if the thoughts are hurtful?

The ability to heal. I would like this superpower but imagine how busy you would be.

The chance to soothe. This would be mine. I would like to walk by people who are fighting, or struggling emotionally wave my hand, and solve the situation.

Even though all of these superpowers have drawbacks, we already have some qualities that can be considered superpowers of mere mortals. Here are a few.

Making someone feel special.

Showing love with the gift of food.

Helping your community.

Volunteering.

Listening to lonely people.

Doing acts of kindness.

So what superpower are you going to use to save the world?