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Being Open to Messages Sent to Us

I have been retired for four years, but I am still moving at a frenetic pace. I run every day, tutor, babysit my grandson, and write. My husband said to me, “You know you’re not acting retired right? Well, the other day my battery went out and I was an exhausted mess. That’s when I received three different messages.

The first was from my daughter who saw how tired I was and said, “Mommy, you have to pay more attention to where you are putting your energy, and you have to rest to guard that energy.” Of course, she is right, but resting for me is difficult. When I sit down I don’t feel like I am being productive, and that’s the work ethic my father drilled into me. I can hear him saying, “There is always something more you can do.” That might be true, but being still is important too.

That was my second message. I was at the dentist talking to my dental hygienist who has been my friend for years. She saw how tired I was, and she said, “Jennifer, he (God) wants you to be still.

The next message was something shared on social media. It was called the Let Them Theory. It said if someone judges you, let them if they spread hatefulness about you, let them. It continued like that making a point that reacting to things like this is a waste of time. Asking questions like, “Why are they saying that?”, or “Why don’t they like me?” are questions to nowhere. Let people have their issues, you have better things to do.

The final message was from the song, Let It Be. My thoughts and emotions have been a tangled mess lately. I have a lot going on, I’m trying to make sense of the chaos in the world as well as manage chaos in my own family. I was out running trying to sort everything out when the lyrics from Let It Be started playing in my head. “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, singing words of wisdom, Let it Be.” Understand me. I’m not trying to say we should all not react to all the crazy going on, but there is something to be said for believing it will be alright and being at peace. What are some messages you have received?

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Trail Connections

I always joke with my friends that I have a love-hate relationship with trail running. I love the beauty of the trails, but I barely pick my feet up when I run, so my feet get caught up in stones and roots a lot. I have fallen so many times that my friends ask me if I brought the med kit when they hear I am doing a trail race.

At least for me, trail racing is different than road racing. I take it a little slower on the trails which means it is easier for me to talk to the runners around me. I love the connections that I make on the trail. I always say that trail runners have the best stories.

One of my most memorable races as far as connections was a rugged half-marathon trail race. It was the hardest half-marathon I have ever done, but it was also one of the most fun because of the people I met.

It was crazy hot the day of the race, so I had already decided to take it nice and slow. Luckily, I ended up behind a group of eight women who were running the race together. Their pace was perfect for me, and they had music playing quietly. After a mile, I asked them if they would adopt me into their pack and I became known as our new friend Jen. At the first aid station, we all stopped, and when the group was ready one lady said, “New friend Jen, are you ready?” I loved running with them for the first 8 miles, but then they wanted to stop for photos, and I said I was going to keep going.

One young lady, Michelle, asked if she could run with me. Not only did we run together, but we talked about everything under the sun. She told me she was working with physics, she told me about her boyfriend, and she recommended an amazing book called Daughters of Distance. We talked about how our favorite animal is the elephant, and we shared our hopes for the future. I fell almost at the end, and I was pretty ugly. Michelle was concerned, but I said, “No worries! It happens all the time. Her boyfriend met us at the end with two massive, cold bottles of Gatorade. He gave one to me and instantly became one of my favorite people.

Fast forward about five years. I was nearing the end of a trail race when a young lady came up next to me and said, “Jen, do you remember me? The half?” We had a great talk and her former boyfriend, now husband was at the end. He said, “Do you remember me?” “Um, of course! Mr. Gatorade!” I hope we keep seeing each other at races.

Ultra-marathons offer many chances for connections. When you are out there on the trail for 12-plus hours, you have time to chat. Here are some of the characters I have met, Carl Line who is a professional clown, and who stayed with me at night and held the light when I had stopped eating on my way to 50 miles and I hit the wall harder than ever. If it wasn’t for Carl I would have left my chair and the rest of my gear right where it was when it was time to leave because I didn’t feel like I had an ounce of energy left. Trail races are full of encouragers. Then there was the man that I introduced myself to after running with him for 12 hours. He is the runner who made me think I need an ultra-name because he introduced himself as Cornbread. At my last race, I met Bryan who said he started running because the dental assistant had called him fat. We discussed the crazy things that people say, and how he took a negative and made a positive by turning his health around. There is so much inspiration on the trail.

There are also those moments when you become the encourager and it can be at a crucial moment of someone’s life. I was talking to a young lady before the race, and we stayed together for most of the race, I ran her into the finish helping her beat a woman in her age group. She came up to me after and told me she needed my encouragement because she had been in a bad spot mentally. You never know when your encouragement is going to make a difference.

As always, I think runners know that a race and running in general is often about more than just running.

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Are Drugs Helping or Hurting Us?

Have you ever watched a movie that had a scenario that you thought would never happen, but then you see reality in the fiction? The movie Wall-E is like that for me. Are we becoming like the people in the movie who float on lounge chairs, staring at screens, and have no desire to do anything else?

I worry that we are becoming a nation that wants to take a pill for everything instead of choosing a healthier option if there is one. It seems like every other ad on television is about a drug that can solve any issue, the only problem is that the side effects from the drugs might be worse than what you are trying to cure. I would think when you hear the words possible death you would be deterred from buying that drug, but apparently not.

When I had some heart rhythm irregularities all the tests came back saying my heart was fine. I wanted some answers to the problem, but instead, my doctor prescribed me medication. During the testing, two different nurses tried to tell me that our health system wasn’t always trying to keep us healthy.

When I hurt my knee I asked my orthopedist questions about what activities I could do, and after a few minutes he sounded exasperated when he asked me, “Do you want me to prescribe you something?” I told him I only wanted his opinion, but from his reaction, I’m guessing many people ask for drugs of some kind.

When we were in Paris, there was a demonstration near our hotel. I started to talk with one of the women, and she said they were protesting the fact that the government wanted to keep us sick because illness and the need for drugs are profitable.

I know some illnesses require drugs, but I hope more people move away from drugs so that we can replace them with other healing methods. Let’s take back our health, and not always opt for what looks like the easy way out.

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How Much Do You Know About Your Partner?

I was watching a reel the other day where a woman asked her fiancé questions about herself. She asked, “What’s my favorite food?” He didn’t know. She then asked, “Where is my favorite place to go?” He didn’t know. I was also surprised when my husband of 43 years asked me what color my eyes were as he was filling out a form. I started to ask myself how much we knew about each other, and how fun it would be to sit down with a friend, partner, or family member to ask a series of identity questions, not to make anyone feel bad about not knowing an answer, but to start some conversations to learn more about each other. Here are a few questions to see how much you know about each other.

· When is my birthday? How do I like to celebrate it? What is my favorite kind of cake?

· What color are my eyes?

· What is my actual hair color?

· What is my middle name?

· Have I ever had a nickname? What was it?

· What is my favorite food?

· What is my favorite movie?

· What is my favorite restaurant?

· Where is my favorite place to go?

· What is my favorite color?

· What would my dream job be?

· What are my religious beliefs?

· What is my favorite possession?

· Where did we first meet?

· What political party do I belong to?

· What are the 3 things I love to do?

· What is something that drives me crazy? (in general, not about you)

· How do I recover from a bad day?

· What is on my bucket list to do?

· Would I rather text or call?

· Do I like animals?

· Name two of my favorite pets from the past.

· Am I an extrovert or introvert?

· Do I value physical activity?

· What is my favorite holiday?

· What is your favorite memory of us?

· What is the best compliment I have ever received?

· What has been my biggest challenge in life?

· What is my favorite way to spend time with you?

· What is my biggest fear?

· What are my top 3 values?

· What is something I have always wanted to learn?

Have fun asking each other the questions, and then ask questions about the answers, and add a few questions of your own.

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5 Things I should have learned sooner

There are certain things in life that you have to learn the hard way through experiences, but it often takes me more than one messy interaction before I learn the lessons. There are several important life lessons I wish I had learned sooner.

Give grace and expect it as well.

We all have moments when life overwhelms us, and we don’t handle things as well as we wish we could. In those moments, we need to give each other grace and try to understand what the other person is going through. I had a sign in my classroom that said everyone is carrying a burden of some type, be kind.

Have you ever had that happen when the person you think has the picture-perfect life tells you about something awful she is dealing with? What if you judge someone harshly only to find out there is a legitimate reason for the way he is acting? Give grace first, and ask questions later.

You also have the right to expect grace for yourself in certain circumstances. If you are the sounding board for a friend who always seems to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, you are also allowed to have a bad day. If grace doesn’t go both ways, it’s time for a conversation.

Kindness is a superpower.

I have seen kindness do some incredible things. Do you know that all you need to do is smile at someone to let her know she is valued? Have you ever had a day when everyone has been unpleasant, but a stranger smiles at you? That is a simple act of kindness. Complimenting someone, helping with a task, or paying for a coffee are all ways to show someone he is not alone, and people care. Once you do something nice for someone it’s addictive and you want to do more and more.

Hold on to the good people and let go of the toxic.

I am a people pleaser, and although I’m improving when it comes to being nice when being disrespected or tolerating other toxic behavior, I have held on to some toxic relationships way too long. I finally realized how much more important quality is to quantity when it comes to friendships. If you have trouble distinguishing between toxic and non-toxic here are some signs of a toxic person.

· Gossips about you.

· Treats you as the villain and he is the victim

· Ignores you.

· Judges you.

· Is disrespectful/says hurtful things

· He is self-absorbed

A good person is excited for your success instead of jealous, she enjoys being with you, and she is your cheerleader. The give and take in the relationship is balanced.

The prettier grass on the other side of the fence is fake.

I laughed when a friend called Facebook Fakebook, but there are people on social media who want you to think they live a perfect life, but behind all that perfect is a whole lot of mess. Before you start to feel jealous about what a person has, be grateful for what you don’t have that they are hiding from you. Don’t ever compare yourself with someone else because they might wish they could be as good as you at something. Be grateful for your good, and work on your messy pile, and be transparent about it. Some will judge you but think about how many people you could help when they realize they are not alone.

There are quite a few other things I have learned the hard way, but I will save that for another article.

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Running Rythm vs. Pacing

Runners are always talking about pace and how important it is in both training and racing, but finding the right rhythm has always helped my running more and is often more difficult for me to achieve than finding the correct pace. The best way for me to describe it is a good running rhythm is when your body is running in total harmony, and a good pace is when you are running at a certain speed. Let’s look at the difference.

Both pace and rhythm are important elements that you have to experiment with, and while both require both mental and physical strength, I have always thought pace was about training my body to be able to run a certain speed and practice what I want to achieve enough so that the pace becomes muscle memory. A varied pace depending on terrain has always been what worked for me, instead of sticking to a steady consistent pace that might work for someone else. I like to let the terrain help my pace. Because I am slowing a bit with age, I need about a mile to warm up, so a sprinting out-of-the-gate pace no longer works for me, although my brain tries to tell me it will work. The minute the race starts I have to repeat “Slow and Steady.” For the first mile, and then I can pick up the pace. In trail races, I will stay behind a slower runner for a few minutes so that I am not tempted to try to open it up.

I love hearing runner’s pace plans because for many it is about what pace I need to run to finish in a certain time. If you have a goal time you can work on training your body to be able to run at that pace until it becomes second nature for your body to run at that speed.

I have always enjoyed finding someone who I call my rabbit who is running a pace I would like to go, and I do my best to stick with that person.

Although I understand how important pace is rhythm has always been more important for me. When I have found a rhythm running feels effortless. It doesn’t feel as if I am expending as much energy because my whole body is moving in sync. Everything is aligned and moving rhythmically. When you find your rhythm during a run it is a phenomenal feeling. When you are running with someone else, and you are both running in rhythm it is even better.

One of the best runs I ever had was a race on a local bike trail. It was straight and flat the entire way, and around mile 3 my friend and I found our rhythm and we felt like we were flying. We started encouraging people we were passing, and even years later we talked about how amazing the race was.

I talked a little about training yourself to run a certain pace, but how do you run in rhythm? Everyone is different, but what works for me is to relax, enjoy the moment, practice regular breathing, and be intentional about establishing a cadence and a relaxed posture.

I read an article that suggested music can help you find your rhythm in the run. I have a friend who always runs with music because she says she feels out of sync without it. Find something upbeat and motivating to help you find a comfortable flow.

I read another article that suggested you would have more success running in rhythm if both sides of your body were equally strong. This resonated with me because I know my left side is weaker than my right. Her words motivated me to work harder with my exercises to strengthen both sides. She also suggested doing balance exercises. I was told to do those in physical training when I tore my meniscus. You can do simple balance exercises like balancing on one leg, or you can buy a balance board and practice on that.

I hope this has made you consider working on more than your pace because when you can run with your body in harmony it is more enjoyable, and better for you in every aspect.

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How Your Energy Changes Everything

I am fascinated by the energy that emanates from people, and I always wonder if they are aware of the energy they are creating, how it affects others, and what it can do for them.

I can give you an example of what I mean by describing a few interactions I had today. We went to our local Waffle House where we usually have breakfast on Sunday. We know most of the waitresses and one of our favorites came over to wait on us. She was excited to see us, and during our meal, she spent a lot of time talking with us. Her energy was positive, and it lifted our spirits.

We then went to Walmart to pick up some things. When we checked out it was obvious the person helping us was not happy to be there. Who knows what she was dealing with, but I don’t think her negative energy was making anything better. As we left, a man was entering who was full of joy. He had a pep in his step, and he looked so happy. I could feel his energy affecting me.

Positive energy can come in different forms. It can be encouragement, inspiration, attitude, positive thoughts, or words, manifesting, and prayer. Remember that you might not be able to always control what happens to you, but you have the choice about how to react. When students would walk into my classroom in a bad mood, I would tell them it was up to them to turn things around by changing their energy.

Would you like to know how to make it work for you? Here are a few things to try.

· Speak what you want into existence. Voicing your dreams and desires gives them power. Say what you want as if it will happen.

· Make a vision board. Put pictures on a bulletin board that are symbols of what you would like to see in your future. I would love to have a lake house, so I have a picture of one on my board.

· Have a positive energy journal. Every week, write down goals for the week. At the end of the week, highlight the ones you achieved in green, and mark what you have not achieved yet in yellow.

· Make energy a game. Whenever you find yourself being negative, turn it around to be positive.

· Actively find the positive and be grateful.

· Show an interest in others. Infect them with positivity.

· Put up positive notes. Post positive thoughts around your house or send notes to others.

Good luck using positive energy. I hope you will see how it can change your

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When Addiction Morphs

Everything has energy and that energy is powerful. I have seen positive energy do amazing things through positive thoughts and prayers, but energy can also be negative like the energy of addiction.

Addiction traps the addict to the point where nothing is more important than what the addict is focused on needing.

Addiction spreads its tentacles beyond the addict to all the people affected by the addiction, and loved ones cannot understand why the addict would choose something harmful and toxic over them.

Addiction slips in slowly starting as a glass of wine with dinner that changes to two, then more frequent drinking until it becomes a habit then a need. You don’t see it happening until suddenly you notice some strange behavior from your loved one. Addiction’s energy is insidious.

What makes all of this even worse is that one addiction can morph into another. Just when you think an addict has beaten one addiction you might notice another one develop.

Realize that all addictions are harmful. Let’s say your husband was addicted to alcohol, but he was able to break the habit, but years later you realize he is addicted to food. He might not be driving drunk putting his life and others in danger, but obesity can wreak havoc with someone’s health and that can affect the whole family.

Realize also that an addict will rationalize his behavior and often will think he can handle it. If he is a food addict he might order a salad, but then eat from everyone else’s plate ending up with more calories than if he had a more substantial meal.

So if a loved one is caught up in the negative energy of addiction, how can you help him break the chain? Here are a few ideas.

· An addict has to realize he has a problem first, so try talking to him. Have some evidence of why you think he has an addiction. Let him know you would like to help.

· Don’t suffer alone. Reach out to friends and family and let them know what is happening.

· Consider finding help from a professional through therapy, your physician, or both, but the addict might fight this.

· Pray for healing.

Loving an addict is not an easy road, but you might be the lifeline to that person. Unfortunately, you also have to take care of yourself, so if the situation becomes dangerous to you, you may need to walk away.

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Book sales

Are you feeling a little off today, maybe a little down? Do you need some words to pick you up and remind you to take care of yourself? That is why I wrote 101 Tips to Lighten your Burden. I hope you will grab a copy to raise your spirits.

Are you struggling with something deeper like a health issue? The Healing Power of Running talks about people who have found a positive way to combat the curveballs of life. It isn’t only about running. The inspiring stories of others might encourage you to stand up to adversity and crush it.

If you know someone with a new baby, What I Hope for You is a children’s book that would make a great gift for parents or grandparents.

All three books are available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=jennifer+bonn&crid=25QYGTH4GZ6X1&sprefix=%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_recent_4_0_recent

They are also available online at most online retailers. I hope you grab a copy, and if you are in the Atlanta area, I would love to sign it for you.

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Are You Ready?

I was running a race in a state park when I passed two girls coming towards me. They must have seen my race bib because one of them said to her friend, “We should sign up for a race.” The friend replied in a panicked voice, “I’m not ready!”

I hear “I’m not ready.” In other forms too. Friends will tell me, “I want to run a 5k with you, but then when I suggest a date that friend is always busy. Another form of “I’m not ready.” comes in excuses. I hear things like, “I don’t exercise because my joints hurt, or I’m too busy.”

All of the forms of “I’m not ready.” Makes me sad because I know what a difference any form of movement can make in your life. Although running is the exercise that has been healing to me, you can choose any form of movement you want to reap the benefits. “I’m not ready.” translates to “I’m scared, or “I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone.” However, moving consistently instead of being sedentary can change your life. Here are a few things an exercise program can do for you.

Improve your physical health

When you move more you will notice your joints don’t ache as much as they did when you sat a lot, you may lose weight because you are burning more calories, and your body will be more toned. You can improve your immune system with better health, and exercise will help you to alleviate stress which will also help you sleep better.

Improve your mental health

I know when I run my mood is better. I can find some peace from problems. When you are doing something good for yourself it makes you feel better about yourself. When you work out you gain more confidence.

Boost your social life

If you start signing up for fitness events like races, or you go to the gym you will begin to meet more people. Your circle of friends will continue to grow, and hopefully, those friends will help to keep you active.

I know many people might not be completely ready to do something new, but it only takes doing it once for it not to be new anymore. The first time I went to an ultra-marathon, (Anything over 26.2 miles) I didn’t know anyone, and I was pretty sure that I had no business being there. The people at the race all looked like seasoned runners who probably ran 100 miles on an off week. They were talking about races they had done that all had scary names like Blood Rock, Snakebite Canyon, and Death Toll Run. I was sure any minute they would discover there was an imposter among them.

As the day wore on, I felt completely welcomed by some very nice people who were at very different fitness levels, and there was no judgment about that. I met one man whose name was Cornbread, so I told my husband I needed an ultra-running name. (I’m still working on that.) The ultra distance is now my favorite distance, but if I had not stepped out of my comfort zone I would never have experienced them. Sometimes you have to just leap.

So, what if you are ready? What do you do? First, find out what form of exercise would you enjoy, and what would you do consistently. Start slowly with whatever you want to do, and checking with your doctor is always a good idea. Find a recreational center or a gym and see what are your options. If you want to walk or run a race you can go to www.runusa.com or www.active.com, or if you want to join me, go to www.ultrasignup.com. You can walk an entire ultra if you want.

Are you ready? I hope so because it could be life-changing.