Jennifer’s writing

I will agree with you if you tell me social media has an ugly side, but there are some valuable resources there for us too.

When I was teaching A.P. French I felt like I was alone on an island. There wasn’t anyone with whom I could brainstorm for activity ideas, and I was in serious need of resources and support. The history teacher told me there were A.P. teacher Facebook groups. She told me they had been a lifesaver for her, so I took a look.

It felt like Christmas when I first looked at the Facebook group for A.P. French. It consisted of other A.P. teachers who were collaborating and sharing resources and ideas. It was a spot where you could ask questions and share frustrations. I was a better teacher because of this group.

After the positive experience with the teaching groups, I decided to see what else was out there, and I discovered there is a bit of everything. I love to garden, but most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. I just plant and pray. I often have questions, so I joined a Facebook group for gardening. I sometimes plant seeds, and then forget what I planted. I had to send a picture of a particularly hardy plant to the group to see what it was and the reply came back instantly that it was okra.

As a writer, I have so much to learn, so I joined several writing groups. I also need ways to market my writing, and I found Facebook groups for vending events where I can go to sell my books.

One of my best finds was a Facebook group that alerts you to sales and deals at retailers. Everything seems to cost so much these days that I appreciate finding discounts. She finds sales for everything including clothes, food, shoes, toys, and furniture. I need to focus on just one, but you can find a lot of groups like this.

Whatever your need is, I hope you will search for it in Facebook groups. I don’t think you will be disappointed.  

Red flag moments happen when something tells us that we should stop or proceed with caution. It could be something someone says or does, or it can be a gut reaction or intuition that tells us something is not right. The best thing we can do when we experience a red flag moment is to eliminate ourselves from the situation if possible because they are usually portents of worse things to come. Even though we might know red flags in life are serious warnings, most of us have ignored one at one time, or failed to see it until the flag turned into a train headed straight our way.

What are some examples of red flags? They are referenced often in relationships, but red flags can involve every aspect of our lives, and most of the time we should heed the warning. Here are a few examples.

Your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t know if he will ever be able to love you as much as you would like. You ignore that statement and continue with the relationship to find out that what he was trying to tell you was that he can’t ever love you as much as he loves himself. Everything will always revolve around him, and he doesn’t have much emotion left for you.

Another red flag is when someone tries to control everything you do. There are rules for everything including how you dress, who you see, what you eat, and where you go.

If someone has anger issues and shows anger towards you, anyone else, or an animal, this is a sign they have not found a way to properly channel emotions and it is a large red flag.

When someone has a history of infidelity, don’t assume you will be the person that will be treated faithfully.

When someone has no connections with others, or he tries to eliminate your connections, a red flag is waving.

When someone always plays the victim and is always blaming others for his mistakes, you should proceed with caution.

If someone feels that she does everything better than anyone else, and constantly wants to show you what you did wrong, you should see red.

If you feel exhausted after interacting with someone, that is a red flag to not proceed with the relationship.

If there is a complete lack of communication, you need to rethink the situation.

If you are faced with red flags, here are some action steps to take.

• Don’t think you can change someone’s mind. If someone says, “I don’t want children.” Don’t think you can marry this person and convince him to have children.
• Don’t take it personally. When someone is toxic, it isn’t because of something you did.
• Stay calm and remove yourself from the situation.
• Ask for support if necessary.  
• Limit contact when possible.
• Set boundaries.
• Know when to leave

Remember to listen to your instincts, and watch for those red flags!

What if we could ask important questions in a simple interview to determine if someone was right for us? We wouldn’t have to go on numerous dates, have him meet our friends and family, and search for information about him on social media to gage whether he would be a good partner.

How many people do you suppose wish they had asked certain questions about topics that later caused a rift in the relationship? I know there were a few I wish I had asked.

Which questions matter to you the most? Here is a list of possible questions I have put together. I would love to hear what you would add.

• How would you describe yourself in three words?
• Can you describe what you are looking for in a partner?
• What have you learned from past relationships?
• Do you want to be married someday?
• Do you want children?
• What are your religious beliefs? What if I have different beliefs?
• How well do you handle money? Describe your financial situation.
• What are your long-term goals?
• Do you like animals?
• Do you like to travel?
• What interests do you have? What activities do you like to do?
• Would you rather spend time in the mountains, at the beach, or both?
• What is something romantic you have done?
• What type of movies do you like?
• What kind of music do you listen to?
• What is your favorite television show?
• What is your family like?
• Describe your best friend.
• How do you celebrate your birthday?
• What is a perfect date for you?
• Would you rather be out at a club, or at home?
• Do you smoke or drink heavily?
• Are you active?
• What is the most important thing in your life right now?
• What are your political beliefs?
• What do you think is the key to a successful relationship?

I know this is a short list, but I think you are already thinking of more you would add. When we make a commitment to someone, it’s a good idea to communicate as much as possible, so that we are not surprised later in the relationship.

We can all feel lost sometimes. We lose our way, and feel stuck in our daily routine, or the goals we have don’t seem to be working. These are the times we need to start asking why about the different aspects of our lives. We can be so caught up in a busy lifestyle that we forget our why for what we do, and who we are with, but our why can be our driving force.

Take a minute and ask why for the different parts of your life. Here are a few examples.

Relationships

Why are you attracted to certain people? Do the people in your relationships have those qualities? Why would you stay in a relationship that does not fulfill you and make you better?

I do not let go of a relationship easily even when I know it is toxic. I keep thinking I can make it better, but when a relationship makes you question your value, and doesn’t help you grow, it’s time to let go. You might be in a relationship that fulfills you and brings you joy. Treat that person like the treasure he or she is.

Make a list of why your relationships work, or why they don’t. Communicate with friends and family about what is working, or what needs to be fixed.

Self-care

Do you take good care of yourself? Why would good self-care be important? You can’t take good care of others if you haven’t taken care of yourself first. Set some boundaries about what you need and make some goals for good health.

The job

Why have you chosen your job? If it does not bring you joy, why are you still there?

I hear people complaining about their jobs all the time, but they are not willing to make a change. I love hearing about someone who loves what she does. This is usually someone who can instantly tell you why she finds joy in something.

Asking about your why can reconnect you to what brings you joy. Sometimes when you reflect on your answers, you realize it is time for a reset.

Have you ever had those moments in your life where you felt like you needed to do a reset on some area of your life because you have hit a roadblock where things are not going the way you planned, or you just need a change? Recently, I have felt that way about several areas of my life, and I am excited to give some changes a try to feel happier and more successful.

Any athlete will tell you if you do the same routine all the time your body will become used to it, and you won’t see the same results that you would if you switched it up and did some different things. That is why I took a look at what I was doing as a writer and a runner, and how I was responding to the people around me. I wanted to revisit my why and my goals. Here is what I decided.

I have been running since my senior year in college after a year in France and my love of food left me heavier than usual. Running became my therapy and my escape. It has kept me sane through some difficult times, but several years ago when I was injured things changed. When I started to heal, I was afraid to run hard because I didn’t want to be injured again. I took it easy for a long time until recently when I decided I was tired of running scared. I wanted to run like I used to, so I stepped up to the front of a race last weekend, went out way too fast, and had a glorious time running like I used to run. I’m not going to allow fear to get in my way anymore.

My next reset is with my writing. When I retired from teaching four years ago, I was excited to have time to write. I thought I would be able to make money with my writing. Since that time, I have written three children’s books, a self-help book, a running book, and a romance. I have also written countless articles on medium and newsbreak, but I have not made much money from any of it. I know there are many possible reasons for this including maybe my writing isn’t good enough, but at this point I feel like I have tried so many things that didn’t work. I set up book signings in local bookstores, as well as a book reading/signing. They were very uncomfortable for me. Yesterday, I sat at my desk and said, “This isn’t working.” I thought it might help to take a few days away from writing, but I ultimately decided that instead of trying so hard to make money, I’m going to go back to writing because I enjoy it and see what happens.

My final reset was about how people treat me. I am a people pleaser, and I often am too passive about reacting to how people treat me. I often think I should just let it go, but I have decided that is unacceptable, so I have surprised a few family members by setting some boundaries. I have to admit that it makes me feel powerful.

What do you need to reset?  

There is a lot of tension in our country at the moment, and it is reflected in our social media. There are even more incendiary posts than normal, and the responses have intrigued me.

I am so grateful to live in America where I have freedom of speech. I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion, but the reflection and research behind that opinion matters, as well as the way the opinion is expressed.

I read a post that warned people about using reactionary speech. When I hear the word reactionary it makes me think of a response that is given without reflection. It is driven by emotion, not thought. This type of reaction can be dangerous because we often discover later that we should have looked for more information or took a deep breath before jumping to a reaction. I had a situation recently when the illustrator for my children’s book sent me illustrations that were unacceptable. It was obvious they had been hastily done, and even though I gave very specific instructions for edits, those changes were not made. My daughter began to tell me how awful they looked, and I let my emotions escalate the situation. After calming down, I realized it was only several things that needed to be changed, so I sent another request for edits. Reactionary responses rarely end up well.

I saw a beautiful reaction to a social media post yesterday. A woman said, “If this is true, this is unacceptable to me.” Another woman claimed it was fake news. The first woman had researched the topic and respectfully replied, “I don’t think so. I researched it and found it to be true. What is your evidence that it is fake news?” There was no reply, but that is the way we should be able to discuss topics. We need to control our emotions, research the topics, and discuss them with respect.

Silence doesn’t seem like a response, but not saying anything can seem like acceptance, and that can be dangerous too. I like to take a minute to see both sides, and to hear the whole story before I react, but there are times when we have to make our voices heard to maintain the quality of life and values we enjoy in our country.

Words are so powerful, and they have consequences and repercussions. Ignorant, hateful speech will only cause more issues than we already have. If we can unite as a nation, I know we can do great things.  

10 Steps to Weight loss

Drink up.

Water is a great way to fill up when you are hungry between meals. Water is proven to help with fatigue and weight loss, so drink up!

Eat more often.

People often think the answer to weight loss is to cut back on what you eat, but at a certain point, (your setpoint) your body goes into survival mode if you are not taking in enough calories. Cutting back too much also leads to binging. Eat small portions every few hours to keep your blood sugar level. Eating regularly will help with fatigue too.

Control portions.

When we go to restaurants, my husband cuts his meal in half, and has the second half for lunch the next day. Eat slowly and stop when you are full.

Eliminate the temptations.

There are certain foods that I cannot buy because if I do, I will eat the entire bag. If you know there are foods like that for you, don’t buy them, or limit them to special occasions.

Move more.

Moving doesn’t have to be time intensive or painful, but it is important to not be sedentary. Have fun with movement. Dance in the kitchen, chase your children, or walk the dog and gossip with the neighbors.

Be prepared.

Have meals planned ahead of time so that when you come home from work you don’t eat everything in site before you even think of dinner. Bring healthy snacks to work or school.

Eliminate empty calories.

There are calories that you don’t realize you are consuming. Every soda is 150 calories. When you add heavy cream to your tea or coffee that is more calories. Just a handful of candy becomes several handfuls and becomes 500 calories. The little things you don’t think about will add up to weight gain.

Be mental.

You have to be strong mentally to do great things physically. Keep your why for weight loss in sight. It’s okay to have a bad day, but don’t let that bad day become a bad week. Stay consistent in your efforts. Take small steps and be patient.

Set some goals.

Have some attainable goals for yourself. A goal could be cutting back on sugar, being able to climb stairs without feeling out of breath, being able to chase your children, losing weight, and being healthier.

Eat fresh.

There are a lot of additives and preservatives in the food we buy in the grocery store. Eat fresh produce when you can. I started gardening to eat fresh and to save some money. I had no idea gardening would be good for my mental health too. If you live in a small space, garden with pots and other containers.