In normal times many of us suffer from anxiety, but add on a pandemic and the need to shelter in place and we have a situation ripe for a mental meltdown. Whether you struggle with wondering about the what ifs, or you have an uncertain future with your job, or a million other reasons that you might be anxious, here a few things that I hope will ease your mind.

Keep a routine

Our lives have been turned upside down and for most of us our normal routine has been altered. When that routine is gone we can lose our structure and be left not knowing what to do next. Although your routine will not be what you are used to doing, create one for now and stick to it. Start each day by making a list of what you need to do that day and check things off as you go.

Exercise

Movement is a great way to relieve tension. Turn on some music or let your mind go blank as you move. You will feel better when you are done.

Find quiet time

If you have a large family sequestered with you, it may take some creativity for this to work but you need to have some quiet, peaceful time when no one is asking anything of you and you are not listening to anything but silence. Silence can be restorative. If you are by yourself, you still need some time where you stop what you are doing and enjoy the stillness.

Stay connected

It helps to maintain your ties with others to avoid feeling alone. You can connect with facetime, google, GroupMe or your phone. The first day of teaching virtually everyone was nervous but so many people made it a point to say they were there for support that it made the first few days easier. Text family members and friends to check in on them.

Disconnect

Although you want to stay connected to people, you want to occasionally disconnect from technology. Being bombarded by the dire news on the television and internet as well as receiving three times as many e-mails and updates than normal can cause anyone to feel anxiety. Put your phone and your computer in another room and do something that you enjoy.

Keep a journal

Writing your feelings is always a good idea. It gives us a chance to reflect on our emotions and what causes them. It is a way to release the thoughts that we might not want to share with someone else.

Do what brings you peace

Do more of what gives you peace and don’t put it last on your list of priorities. Reading, writing, gardening, exercising, listening to music and cooking are a few examples of activities that might ease anxiety.

Help others

The best way to forget about any of your struggles is to help someone else fight theirs. When we start to have a pity party it doesn’t take long to realize that there are many people who are much worse off than we are. There is so much need around us and helping others always feels good.

Use essential oils

I started using essential oils because a friend I trust was touting their benefits. I am so glad I listened to her because they have made a huge change in my life. I am not an expert but here are the ones I use and why.

Peppermint oil   a few drops on my forehead relieves a headache faster than any aspirin and rubbing some in your palms, bringing it to your nose and breathing deeply will relieve congestion. I also sprinkle some on my pillow at night because I love the smell. Be careful to not get it in your eye because it is so strong that you won’t be able to open your eyes for a minute. Some people are allergic to it and I have heard that it is not good for dogs.

Lavender     I started to have some ringing in my ears so every night I put some behind my ears and I no longer have the ringing. It also helps with sleep so I sprinkle some on my pillow every night. It is also good for helping with burns and inflammation.

Stress away    I know it might be all in my head but after using this oil for a month I felt calmer.

Digest ease     This is for stomach issues. I rub it on my stomach and I usually feel better within an hour.

On guard  This is to help boost your immune system

Tea tree    This helps with skin care.

Breathe     I diffuse this in my classroom and at home. It is to help your respiratory system and the smell is wonderful.

Practice self-care

Take care of yourself. Rest when you can, snuggle with animals, try a new hobby, laugh with fiends over the phone and most of all stay home and stay safe.

Life has a way of throwing us curveballs that can stir up our emotions and disturb our mental peace. When our mental health is out of balance it can cause issues with our physical state. The answer isn’t necessarily a trip to the doctor, but it does include some natural medicine. I would like to propose adding a dose of positivity into your daily routine. It will lift you up, improve your mood, lower your stress, and it doesn’t cost a cent. Here are a few ways to put a little more positivity into your day.

Change negative self-talk

Do you hear yourself using words like “I’m an idiot.” Or “I can’t do anything right.”? We tend to be harder on ourselves more than anyone else might be. What if we extend the grace to ourselves that we offer to others? It helps to realize that the tiny mistakes we make during the day are probably forgotten by others within five minutes even though we might continue to obsess over what we did or said. Change your words to more positive ones and begin to see the humor in some of our less- than- perfect moments. When we become transparent about being less than perfect it takes the pressure off of us and makes others feel more comfortable as well.

Laugh as often as possible

It is hard to stay negative or sad when you are laughing or when you hear laughter. My husband’s ring tone is a child laughing and it is  laughter that is infectious and makes you smile. Funny things are happening around you all the time if you only look for them. Laugh freely and you will feel your mood improve.

Surround yourself with the right people

Spend as much time as possible with people who are positive and with whom you enjoy interacting. Avoid negative, toxic people as much as possible, and when you have to interact with them schedule something uplifting for after the encounter.

Do more of what you love

We tend to do what we have to first because we want to fulfill our responsibilities, but what if once in a while we did what we loved first. When we feel content because we have done something that fills us up we can be more productive with the list of what we have to- dos.

Keep a gratitude journal

Making a list of things for which you are grateful will make you realize the blessings you have. I also have an “It could be worse list.” This is a list of what other people are working through. I can pray for them and realize that I should stop complaining and count my blessings.

Start seeing the blessings in the burdens

It is human nature to complain but sometimes the things we are complaining about are either blessings in disguise or things that are going to teach us a lesson or make us stronger. Change your perspective and ask yourself if what you are complaining about is really that bad.

Greet more people

There is something about saying hello to someone that lifts my spirits. It’s a way to tell someone that they are worth your time to greet. I have a student who always walks with her head down as if she is ashamed and trying to be invisible. She is a champion in swimming and equestrian and absolutely phenomenal so each time I see her I say, “Raise your head!! You are a superstar!” I appreciate the smile she gives me.

Do acts of kindness

Being kind to others feels good and it is addicting. Several years ago, a fellow teacher told us she did not have enough money to give her children Christmas presents. Another teacher and I took our Christmas bonus and filled her cubicle with toys and gift cards. She cried when she saw it and after, my friend and I said how much fun that had been. You can often forget your own troubles when you are helping someone else to solve their own.

Go outside

Being outside and surrounded by nature can be a balm for the soul. Go for a walk and take in the beauty around you, sit on the porch with a good book, or putter in the yard.

Rest

I know this is often difficult to do with the busy lives we lead but getting adequate rest will not only help us to be more productive but will also help improve our mood which affects everything else we do.

If life has beaten you down give yourself a healthy dose of positivity and you will be feeling better in no time.

Ten Thoughts You Should Change

Our thoughts are powerful. When we think of something enough it becomes our reality. When those thoughts are negative, it can cause us to doubt our ability to achieve the happiness that we deserve. It can leave us feeling anxious and depressed because we can convince ourselves that the negativity about ourselves is true. Some thoughts only need to be slightly adjusted while others need to be dumped to the curb with the garbage to lighten our load. We can work at changing the thoughts by shifting our attitudes, but first, we should identify those thoughts and then work consistently to turn them around to address them with a more positive tone. Here are ten negative thoughts you should change on your path for a happier life.

1. I’m a mess and I need to make sure no one sees it.

I think being imperfect and being ok with it makes you more interesting. The conversations with someone who struggles to get things right and can be transparent about it are much more interesting than those with someone who feels like they have it all together. We only need to see our messy approach to life as less of a negative. Most of us are way too hard on ourselves. We need to share more of our struggles and help each other out by comparing those experiences and potential tricks for success. Keep a sense of humor when it comes to life.

I had a situation where my school community was going to have a clear view of my family dynamics. My children are all glorious to me, but they do not fit neatly into a conservative box. They have their own perfectly fine way of expressing themselves, but I knew I might be judged because of it. I decided at that moment that my love for my family was more important than anyone’s opinion and when I expressed that the next day, several other friends mentioned similar issues. We all decided that when we are transparent with each other, it lifts a burden from our shoulders and can help others who might also be struggling. 

• I’m not good enough.

Have you ever been afraid that someone will find you lacking in something you are doing? I am guilty of having the I am not good enough thought all the time. That feeling of being too flawed can cause unnecessary stress and your lack of confidence can affect your performance.

I am always surprised when someone whom I admire tells me about a struggle with self-esteem. There is often a huge difference between the person you think you are and how other people see you, and their vision of you is usually much more favorable.

 The easiest way to combat the thought that you are not good enough is to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of your strengths and your accomplishments. What are you good at doing? Now think about what you know you would like to improve and make a plan to make those changes. Ask for help from people you admire. 

Another trick to fight this common thought is to repeat several positive affirmations about your strengths. Whenever you feel doubt creeping in, list some accomplishments or strengths.

• I can’t do anything right.

I’m not sure where the idea that we need to be good at all things can seem realistic. Iam a horrible cook but I love to make sure that people are not hungry and I believe food is love, so I buy food that others have prepared instead of cooking myself. I love to sing but it is another non-gift. Permit yourself to accept what you are not good at without feeling bad about yourself. Everyone has gifts even if you have not realized them yet. While I have a long list of things I cannot do well, I am good with people. My family jokes that I should have been a spy because random strangers tell me their entire life stories. Focus on what you enjoy doing and ask for help with anything that makes you struggle.

• I don’t fit in.

             Everyone wants to feel they belong to a community and we all need a crew. If our                         

             identity does   not fit our community, it can cause us to feel left out and alienated. We

             need to feel that we belong. I don’t think anyone should change his identity to fit in  

            somewhere. Can you change your community to fit your identity, or can you form a

             community within the community to allow others who don’t fit into a  group together?         

             Revel in your uniqueness and find others who need  to express themselves in their way.

• I’m not smart enough.

When my daughter started her senior year, I noticed she wasn’t involved in the college process like her friends were. She wasn’t filling out applications, and she didn’t want to talk about her options. I told my husband I thought she didn’t think she was smart enough, so I filled out one application and she eventually filled out two. She made her decision and during the summer she said several times that maybe college wasn’t for her and I always told her that was fine, but she needed to tell me what the plan B life plan was. I also told her I was sure she was going to discover that she would be one of the smarter people in the room. I will never forget after she received her second 100 during the first week and she said, “Maybe I am smart enough to go to college.”  

In my humble opinion, common sense is the most important form of intelligence, and if you have that you can work out quite a few of life’s puzzles. Being smart about life will help you a lot more than the ability to reproduce information.              

• No one listens to me.

Do you sometimes feel as if you are invisible in a conversation? I think this sometimes happens when the people around you are more confident and more assertive. One friend said it perfectly when she said some people have strong personalities. Quite a few people like to hear their voice and would rather talk about themselves. Don’t take it personally when someone changes the conversation to speak to someone else. They might think talking about themselves is more interesting. If you want to make a point, don’t give up on expressing yourself.  

• I can’t change my situation.

This thought is grounded in fear. There is a fear of failure and a fear of stepping outside the comfort zone. Nothing amazing is going to happen though if you cower in unhappiness and talk about what you wish you could do. Make a plan of how you are going to do it instead. Of course, that is scary, but what if you succeed?

This thought is also where excuses are born. “I don’t have time, I don’t know how, I’m too big, too small.” The list is endless. I see people who defy the odds all the time. What if that person was you?

• I don’t deserve to be happy.

Everyone deserves to be happy and if you are happy, the people around you are happy. There is nothing you could do that would mean you should not live the best life you can.

• I need to do it all well and have it all together.

This should probably be the number one thought we should change because it can cause enough stress and unhappiness to make you ill. No one is perfect. Some people are very good at painting a perfect picture, but if you look under the surface, you will find quite a bit of imperfection. Be the best you can be, but then give yourself some grace if your crown falls off sometimes. Life is messy and crazy stuff happens. We all need to handle it in the best way we can and realize that having it all together is not a good goal to have. Let’s all strive for being happy instead.     

1. No one cares about me.

Most people have moments at some point where they might feel alienated or alone. Start to think about the communities you are a part of and how active a role you play in those communities. Reach out to a few people and ask how they are. Their replies will make you feel more connected. Volunteer when you can and make a difference in other’s lives. Even when you might feel unloved, you are probably at least one person’s rock.

Many of our negative thoughts are excuses that hold us back from living as well as we could. Excuses are verbal expressions of our fear of failure. We can live a much fuller life if we take the steps outside our comfort zone. We may fall, but if we keep rising back up and keeping our thoughts positive, we will be much happier. 

Failure is a Mighty Teacher

     As I write this, students are putting down their books, and graduation season is coming to an end. I find myself hoping that our students failed once or twice during their school career. I wish that for them because I think failure is a great way to learn. Failing sometimes instead of always finding success makes you regroup, reflect, find resiliency, and come back with a better plan.

     Unfortunately, we often see failure as a weakness. I believe it is a strength because it teaches you resiliency, as it forces you to approach something in a different way. Failure shows you that sometimes you have to work for the things that matter, and you will appreciate those things better than those that are just handed to you. Coming back from a failure can show you that you are capable of almost anything, as long as you can find a way to achieve it.

     Failure is never much fun, and it isn’t anything that we would wish for anyone else much less ourselves, but it is a powerful way to learn. I think I can explain this statement best by giving you some examples from my own life.

     My biggest sense of failure and my greatest teacher involved my involvement with karate. My son had always wanted to take karate, but we were traveling back and forth between houses for my teaching job, and our schedules would not have allowed for regular attendance. When I changed jobs, and we were staying in one spot, I signed us both up for classes at a local gym. I thought it would be something that we could do together, but I had no idea the array of emotions and adventures that lay ahead of me.

      My problem with karate is that I am fairly uncoordinated, and there are many times in martial arts when doing two things at once is crucial. I have trouble doing one thing at a time, so my frustration level was usually high. The first thing that I learned though was that being frustrated blocked me from getting better. I used to shut down after trying to do something several times without success. Karate taught me that when something is difficult for me, there are several options that I can use to improve. I can ask for help from the experts, keep practicing, and refuse to give in to frustration. No matter how many times I stared with my mouth open, convinced I could never master something when I saw kata or techniques for the first time, I discovered that I could learn and do anything as long as I kept trying and asking questions. Karate taught me to have a growth mindset because I might not be able to do something the first time, but I would eventually be able to be better at it, and then it would be my chance to pass it on to someone else.

     Learning how to manage frustration in the face of failure is a valuable life skill. If you can conquer the paralyzing effects of frustration and fear, your path to success will be faster.

     The next thing that karate taught me about failure has to do with relationships. Even at my age, I am very naïve and trusting when it comes to other people. There were some difficult relationships for me within the dojo, but the whole experience taught me that when there are issues in a relationship, it isn’t necessarily always my fault, and what other people think should not carry as much weight as what I know to be right.

     Failure has a nasty sting and it carries heartache with it. Instead of focusing on all the negatives, start to reform your battleplan for success. Here are five suggestions that I propose to make the situation better.

1. Get support from friends

We often hesitate to ask friends for help bouncing back from something, because we do not want to burden them, but the truth is that most friends would jump at the chance to do something for another friend. One of the worst feelings is to see a friend going through a hard time, and not having any idea how to help. Let your friends know what you need, and be sure to be there for them when they need it. A support system of friends and family will make you feel as if you are strong enough to get through a rough period.

• Be honest about what went wrong

Don’t try to sugarcoat your failure. Be honest about the reasons, and reflect on what you should have done differently.

• Make a plan for recovery

Sitting down and brainstorming some ideas to help you get back on track will help you see the possibilities for recovery. Ask friends for their advice, and sift through what they say to decide what works for you. Be honest with yourself about what you need.

• Take some time out

Sometimes the best remedy is to cocoon. Stay home, order Chinese and eat Ben and Jerry ice cream from the box. Just make sure you do it for a limited time, especially the ice cream part.

• Limit the pity party

Everyone is allowed a small pity party now and then, but it has to be short lived, because you have work to do in order to find your success.

     Life is full of ups and downs, but it is meant to be lived with passion and emotion and that means that we have to deal with heartache as well as joy. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what life throws at us, but how we deal with it. Success is defined differently for every person, and failure is only a step in the learning process of how to achieve it.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton