It has been proven that being a part of a community is good for our health and is one of the factors in living longer. Why do you think communities are so good for us? Here are a few reasons.

Being a part of a community can lessen loneliness. We can be surrounded by crowds of people and still feel lonely, but if we are a member of a community there is a sense of belonging and of being a part of the group.

We need human interaction and belonging to a community provides us with a chance to learn from each other and share thoughts and experiences. Laughing with each other and sharing our stories is better than any medicine.

Communities take care of each other. We all have moments when life knocks us down and a community can provide what we need during those times. Knowing someone is there to lift you up can make a huge difference.

Communities give us purpose. Communities require engagement of some kind, so being an active member will keep you busy and give you a sense of purpose.

Interacting with each other can stimulate our brains because we have to think about our responses. Being in a group means that you never know where the conversation is going next, so you have to be ready to respond to anything.

When we spend time together, we can share our relationships with God and tell stories about how God has worked in our lives. The Bible can be discussed and shared. There is a chance to learn new insights from others.

You might be wondering how you can build your community, so here are a few ideas on making connections.

Be open

I love people, and my family knows I will talk with anyone, but because of this I meet some very interesting people and form wonderful connections. You have a choice every day to close yourself off to those around you or to be open to interactions around you. All it takes to be open is to make eye contact and smile. You can serve someone just by listening.

Reach out

I think everyone would agree there is need everywhere and it often shows up where we least expect it. Our friends, co-workers, family, and sometimes random strangers are carrying burdens that we can help with if we take the time to reach out.

I always try to find a little time every day to be quiet, reflect on things, or read. I am now adding something extra to that time. Every day, my goal is to take some time to send an affirmation note to someone who might need it or text to check in to say “I was thinking of you today.” I think reaching out with little acts of kindness can make a difference for someone who needs it. Imagine if a simple act of showing you care could make a significant difference.

You don’t have to have all the answers to reach out to people. A kind word, a smile, an act of kindness can have more of an effect than you can imagine.

Give the gift of food

I have a friend who tells me my love language is food, and it’s true. I love to gift people with food. Food, in moderation, is our fuel, and a life source, but I think it is also an expression of love. Whenever there is a need, whether it is because of illness, birth, loss, or welcoming someone new into the neighborhood, the first thing we think to offer is food. There is comfort in food, and it can lift our mood better than anything. We recently had a treat at our school when a local business came with smoothies for everyone. It was such a simple thing, but everyone walked around with a smile for the rest of the day.

Be transparent

Most of us have worn invisible masks at some point. We want people to think the best of us, we want to appear at our finest, but we are all walking around with our glorious imperfections, whether it is a secret we hope no one ever discovers, a lack of ability, or a little crazy hiding in the family closet. I have a sign near my desk that says, “You have no idea about the burden the person next to you is carrying, be kind always.”

When we are transparent, it causes a chain reaction. My family has a fair amount of crazy in it, and I used to worry about what someone would think about me if I shared my family stories. The first time I was open about what was happening, all the people around me looked relieved and started to tell their own stories. Being transparent can not only release the burden you are carrying, but it can also make others more comfortable. It allows people to feel that they are not alone in their struggles.

There are ready-made communities that you can join. These communities include the church, work, volunteer organizations, gyms, and interest groups.

Our relationships with each other are the crux of everything that we do. Good family relations lead to happier home life, relating to our colleagues makes us more productive in the workplace, and being part of a community where we have good friends, and we also act as good friends have been proven to be a factor of longevity. Relationships are at the base of our ability to function in all aspects of life, and the simple truth is that we need each other.

     1. Body care basics.       When my cross country runners first come out in the late summer to begin training, we do not start talking immediately about speed or endurance or intervals. We start off by talking about basic body care because running can do wonderful things for you, but if you are not careful it can also cause some uncomfortable problems. One of my runners said one day, “When you think about it, running can really make you ugly.” When I asked her what she meant she said, “Think of the potential problems; blisters, peeling skin, chafing, sunburn, dehydration, black toe, no toe… just ugly.” Here are some ideas:

Take good care of your feet.

• When you get out of the shower in the morning and after running, slather lotion on your feet. All the rubbing and friction can dry them out and cause painful cracks.
• Put a band aid on blisters when running so they will not become further aggravated.
• Make sure your shoes fit since shoes that are too small can cause black toe which eventually means you will lose a toe nail.

Choose your work out clothes carefully.

Wear what you are comfortable wearing and learn to dress for different types of weather. Do not wear anything on race day that you have not tested yet.

Protect your skin

It’s easy to think you are not going to be out long enough to need sunscreen, but you would be surprised how quickly you can burn. You need to wear sunscreen all year long.

Runners can buy body glide to prevent chafing on the torso, or blisters on the feet, but I prefer Vaseline.  

2. Shoe upkeep

Many injuries can be traced back to bad shoes. Avoid the following to avoid injury:

• Improper fit

• Worn out shoes

• Non-running shoes

Go to a sports store and have someone fit you for a good running shoe and then change them every three months or so.

3. Mental Training

     We become so involved in training our body that we forget that the mental aspect of running is huge. Here are some ideas to enhance your mental training:

• Break longer runs into segments in your mind. Instead of thinking about the total mileage you will cover, give yourself points that you reach as you gradually tick off the miles.
• Practice positive self talk. When you are having one of those days when you want to quit, tell yourself you will go another two miles and see how you feel. Usually by that time, you have broken through the wall and are ready to keep going. Practice being your own motivational coach. Tell yourself you can do it, and that if you have made it this far, you do not want to stop now.
• Visualize your success. Think about yourself running well. Imagine what you would do at each part of the run.
• Talk to the trail.  I know this may sound strange, but pretending that the trail is your competition and trash talking it does wonders for getting you up the steeper hills.

4. Weight Training

     Runners need strong muscles to perform optimally and to stay injury free. Strong arms can help propel you that last few feet, strong legs will keep you going, and a strong abdominal will protect your back.

5. Rest

     It is very difficult for some runners to take a day off, but over training or working through an injury can cause much more time off for recovery. Here are some ideas to do with rest:

• Get enough sleep
• Cross train once in awhile and vary your routine
• Forgive yourself for the occasional missed work out
• Stop long enough to just enjoy the people and places around you. Put responsibilities on hold and enjoy friends and families.

We see a lot of advice for parenting newborns and toddlers, but not as much for older children, and as I said in the first blog, parenting is forever and so is the need for some help. I hope you are o.k. if I offer what has worked for me.

The newborn and toddler years are more about survival than anything else. You discover how well you can still function with only a few hours of sleep, and that you haven’t become ill by eating whatever was still left in the refrigerator. While this time requires physical strength, the rest of parenting will take all your mental skills.

I have discovered a few things that work and will make your life much easier. My husband saw one of these ideas in action last week. He looked at me with amazement and said, “Did you learn these Jedi mind tricks by being a teacher?” I told him that most of the time I just gave something a try and prayed it worked.

Let them fail.

Failure hurts, but it always teaches valuable lessons which is why no matter how hard it is, we have to let our children make those mistakes. 

I have heard many stories of first-year college students who ruin their first-year grades because they become too caught up in the social scene. I have also heard several parents say they made the students pay for the wasted year or for a scholarship that was lost. That is a lesson they will not forget. 

Say no sometimes.

The world is going to say no to your child a lot, so they should be prepared on how to react to that. They need to be resilient and flexible, and able to react well to being told no.

When my daughter Kait was ready for high school, she wanted to continue in the system where her friends were, but I wanted her to come to the school where I was teaching because I thought she would have more opportunities. Kait was very angry at me for an entire semester. She continually told me she wanted to go to the other school. She did not do well in two classes that semester, but instead of giving in, I signed her up for two online courses to make up for her performance. Finally, she settled in and blossomed as I hoped she would.

This was very difficult for me and several times I wondered if I should give in and send her to the other school, but something happened that made me think my school was where she was meant to be. My school is very expensive, but as a teacher, I received a 40% discount and we discovered that students who had at least one year of an IEP at a public school were eligible for state money to go to a private school. The amount varied depending on the learning difference. I remember that before I pushed the calculator that told the amount offered, I prayed that it would be enough so it would not be a financial burden. It took my breath away when I saw it was the exact amount of what was left to pay.

Surprise them.

Our children think they know us and how we will react to everything. You can throw them off balance by acting completely different than what they expected. Let me give you an example.

My daughter Kait struggles with anxiety and she had painted college as an insurmountable monster. Throw in a teenage girl’s low self-esteem when I tell you she did not think she was smart enough and you have a perfect storm. She came to me and said, “Mom, I’m not sure I want to go to college.” She expected me to become angry at that point, but I calmly turned to her and said, “No problem Kait, but you are going to have to tell me what your plan B is. What will you do instead?” Putting her in charge of the decision helped to diffuse a potentially volatile discussion. She and I had a great talk about college and her fears. She is now in her second year and she’s doing great.  

My son Tyler was constantly saying he wanted a Mohawk with red tips. John and I are both pretty conservative so we always told him no. One day, we were driving to Kroger and he asked me again and I said, “Sure Ty, let’s go to Great Clips, and you tell them what you want.” When we returned home I said, “We might as well get this over with and go, show dad.” We came into his office and all my husband said was, “I see.” Tyler left and my husband said with controlled anger, “Why did you let him do that?” I replied, “Honey, in a few days, he will realize how ridiculous it looks and he will never ask us again.” He paused for a minute and then said, “You are a genius!”  

Don’t enable them.

Doing their homework, writing to teachers for them, waking them up every morning is not helping them. They need to learn to handle things independently, and when they do, it frees up a lot of your time. Teach them how to do chores.

Listen.

Growing up is hard and hopefully, your children will share the challenges with you. Keep your ears open.

Discuss without emotion.

This is difficult, but you can have better discussions if you stay calm and discuss each situation without screaming and tears.

Show a united front.

My husband and I always checked with each other first before we dealt out decisions or discipline. It helps to feel that you have each other’s support. Divided we fall is true because children will figure out who will give them what they want. 

Know when you are being played.

I tend to be naïve and trusting, but teaching has helped me figure out when the facts don’t add up, so check your facts.

Pray.

There will be many moments where praying that everything works out is the best you can do.

I have just published a new book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden. My publisher is Loving, Healing Press and the book is available through the following links.

Kindle     https://www.amazon.com/101-Tips-Lighten-Your-Burden-ebook/dp/B09JLB5NRY

Google play   https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Jennifer_Bonn_101_Tips_To_Lighten_Your_Burden?id=ZohIEAAAQBAJ

Amazon     https://www.amazon.com/101-Tips-Lighten-Your-Burden/dp/1615996109

This is the perfect book to give someone who is struggling or who needs some kind words. It is like having your best friend in a book.

Most of the time reducing wisdom to its most basic form gives us the greatest benefit. An example of this would be to look at running advice in the form of the ABCs.

Add more mileage gradually. 10% more per week is the recommended amount.

Be a cheerleader for yourself. Celebrate the triumphs and don’t worry too much about the rest.

Continue to try to improve.

Decide what your challenge is going to be and get ready to meet it.

Energize with nutritious food.

Forget all your problems and enjoy a great run.

Get a good playlist on your Ipod.

Hydrate.

Invest in a good pair of shoes. Many injuries stem from poor shoes. Protect yourself.

Just run and have fun.

Keep track of your time and your mileage.

Love your feet. They are carrying you and they need tender care.

Mentally prepare yourself to run.

Never run through an injury.

Openly recruit friends to run with you.

Prepare for a race.

Question veteran runners to find what works for them.

Rest.

Set goals.

Try new routes and routines.

Understand that there will be days your body does not want to run.

Value a good long run.

Weather is not always an excuse not to run. Dress accordingly.

X out injuries with common sense.

Yell for and encourage others in your races.

Zeal will keep you going when your body does not want to.

Athletes find out eventually that every part of our body influences the rest. The fact that everything is connected means that when something goes wrong in one part of the body, the rest of the body has to compensate which usually causes even more problems.

The knees are one of the main joints to suffer when we do not listen to our body and take preventive measures to avoid injury. Our knee problems can be avoided with some simple steps.

Last year I experienced what I like to call the “kneepocalypse” . I am an avid running and that is always my workout of choice and I am not good about resting for an injury. My problems started with a pain in my foot that developed from running with barely-there toe shoes and then changed to my whole left leg becoming stiff after races and eventually everything just ached and felt stiff. Shortly after running a half-marathon, I was running on the track at the gym when a sharp pain ripped through my knee. I could barely hobble over to the side but after an MRI, I was told I had strained my knee but I had no tears. I did have to do four weeks of physical training though and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. First, it taught me that cross-training was not only necessary but also fun and I learned some very valuable lessons about taking care of my body and protecting it from injury. Since I have been doing these exercises I have not only recovered from my injury but I am stronger than ever. I do not have any aches or pains and I see consistent improvements in my running. Here are ten steps that anyone can do for any sport to protect yourself from injury and make your body stronger for better performance.

1. Hip exercises

The hips are key to athletic performance and they are a real source of power. There are several very basic exercises that can be done to strengthen the hips. Here are a few;

· Lie on your side and extend your top leg slightly out in front and do leg lifts. Work up to two sets of 30 on each side.

· While standing, swing one leg out in front, to the side, and to the back. Do 30 on each side.

· Buy some exercise elastic bands and put them around your feet. Do leg lifts out to the side. Walk from one side of the room to another as if you were skating. It is also called the Herman Munster walk.

· Hold weights in each hand and do leg lifts to the side. 20 on each side.

· Stand with feet together. Lift one leg to the back and touch the floor. Do 20 on each side.

2. Stretching

Stretching has made a huge difference for me. I do very basic stretches such as separating both legs and stretching down over one leg and holding for thirty or touching my toes. I find the best one for my hips is to lie on my back and bend one leg so that my ankle is resting on the other leg. Then I pull both legs towards my chest. Stretching loosens up my joints and keeps me moving better.

3. Strength training

You need strong muscles to perform well and strength training will help strengthen your body to protect you from injury. I stick to a basic routine with bicep and triceps exercises, shoulder lifts, lunges, sit-ups, pushups and pull-ups. If you go to a gym ask for some assistance with the machines. Start out with light weights and work up.

4. Cross-training

I still struggle with cross-training because in my mind if I haven’t run then I haven’t really worked out when the truth is that I need to vary my routine if I want to improve. No matter what sport you do cross-training allows you to work different parts of your body while resting others. When you do the same thing every day your body will become used to it and you will hit a plateau. You have to mix it up a little to work your body and continue to be stronger. Swimming, biking, and whatever sports you enjoy will help you train stronger.

5. Balance

Balance is important for good body mechanics and it is something that we take for granted. Try the exercise that I mentioned before where one leg goes back and you touch the floor. You can also try standing on one leg and lifting the other forward and back. When you are ready for more of a challenge, buy a balance board and try to keep it level. My whole family got into the act when I brought mine home.

6. Strong core

Everything is connected to your core so you need to be strong there to keep the rest of your body strong. Core exercises include planks, abdominal exercises, pushups, and bridges.

7. Build the derriere

The gluteus muscles will help out the hips and you can strengthen them with squats, lunges, and bridges.

8. Massage

Massage is more than just an indulgence. There are proven health benefits for a regular trip to a massage therapist.

9. Rest

Listen to your body and realize when it is time to rest. One day without exercise will not cause any damage to your training but overuse can cause injury.

10. Special exercises

There are several exercises that I do that I think have helped to strengthen both my hips and my knees. I take a small platform (you can use a stair) and do step-ups. I step up and down with one leg for thirty and then switch. I also use the leg machines at the gym.

1. Runners have the best-looking legs. Muscles are sexy and runners’ legs are rippling in muscle. Those muscles might be sore, torn, or strained, but they look good no matter what.

2. Running strengthens your mind as well as your body. Runners set goals, reflect on their progress, but most importantly they develop mental techniques to help them run faster or longer and this mental strength can help in other aspects of life as well.

3. Running teaches us a lot about our bodies. We learn where the iliotibial band is and how to stretch it. We learn about ways to strengthen body parts to protect ourselves from injury and we know how to avoid chafing, aching, and blistering. We know how to treat our body like a fine machine; give it the right fuel and maintain the parts and everything will be fine.

4. You will never need to buy another t–shirt. Even if you have a dresser full of shirts a runner cannot help but be excited to see what the t-shirt will look like for the next race.

5. You have an excuse to eat carbs. Runners need energy so it’s ok to eat those carbohydrates and although we still have to eat in moderation, we can eat a little extra than a non-runner.

6. The demands of running will make you stronger. Running allows you to discover where your limits are and to try to push beyond those barriers. Trying to go to the next level will help you improve.

7. Running allows you to meet new people. I have never been to a race where I have not met at least one new interesting person. Runners tend to be nice people and as you are standing around before or after a race people will strike up conversations with you.

8. Running gives you time to think. Some of my best ideas and problem-solving are done while I’m running when no one is speaking to me or demanding my time.

9. You can connect to the community. Running gives you a chance to get out and about, to see what is going on in the neighborhood. It is difficult to go out for a run and not interact with at least one person. On Sundays, I run in my neighborhood and one after another my neighbors wander out to talk to me while I run around them or shuffle in place. I find out more information on that run than I do at any other time. You can explore roads and paths and really get to know your community.

10. Your mood will be better. Ask any runner what he or she is like after not running for a few days and words like moody and grumpy are used. Running is a healthy drug that can make you feel better in general.

    

The question I am asked the most is “How can I be a writer?”. The obvious answer to that is you have to write to be a writer, but there are some very basic questions all writers should ask themselves from time to time. Here are ten of them.

• Ask yourself why you write.

What is the reason you want to be a writer? Do you want to take any writing job that comes along to make some extra money? Do you have a passion you want to share with others? Do you want to offer inspiration, or help to give people valuable information? There is no wrong answer for the why, but it’s a good idea to remember what motivates you to write. The answer to my why is because it makes me happy, and once an idea pops into my brain, I am restless until I can write it down. Writing gives me peace. I also want to help people who are struggling with life by offering some ideas to soothe the struggle.

• What do you want to write?

Do you want to write for companies, make newsletters, write memoirs, fiction, poetry, essays, or something else? I struggled with this question because I wanted to make money with my writing and copywriting seemed like the best way to do that, but I knew I would be miserable. It was my husband who helped me when he said, “You need to write what makes you happy and the rest will work out.”

• How will you make it work?

Writing is not an easy career, but I think it is worth the hard work. It takes some time to start making money, so you may need to have another job to supplement your passion. Start researching all of the platforms available for writers. One of the best things I did was join several writing groups on Facebook where writers share ideas and support each other. 

• Where will you work?

Find a spot that is yours and preferably where you can close the door. We are writers which means we are easily distracted. If I have a deadline, I put my phone in the other room and refuse to look at social media until I’m done. Make it a pleasant spot, so you will enjoy working there. I have inspiration around me for those days I’m questioning my ability to write.

• Can you make the commitment?

Writing requires that you do it consistently. The more you write, the more chance you have to be successful. Set aside some time each day where you do something related to your writing whether it is research, places to publish, editing, or writing.

• What connections can you make to help your writing?

I have always believed in asking questions of experts about what I want to do. Sign up for local writing groups, go to writing conferences, take writing classes. Writers can help writers by giving support and ideas for success.

• Do you have a writer’s footprint?

If an editor or publisher searches for your work online, you want to make it easy for them to find you. This could be writing on your blog, writing you have published in media, or on online platforms like Medium or Newsbreak. Writing for local media is one way to put your writing out there.

• Do you care about the haters?

No matter how good your writing is there will be people who want to tear you down. I am super sensitive and although I appreciate constructive criticism to help me grow, I have to limit how much negativity I listen to. Keep the positive notes and other inspiration for those days that the haters are on fire.

• Where will you find inspiration?

If you can answer this you can be more open to receiving the inspiration. You will be more alert for it. Most of my inspiration comes from things people say so I have to be ready to write things down before I forget. I also have some of my best ideas while I am running, so I have a small whiteboard on a podium in my office where I jot down ideas quickly and head back out the door.

• How will you nurture your spirit?

You will write better if you are happy, so do more of what lifts your spirit. Rest and eat well, read, swing on the porch, and do whatever will help you be at your best.

                                    

What are the two things you need more of in your life? Most people say sleep, time, and money. The average person is always tired and running out of time to do the important daily tasks, and when someone tells them they should spend more time on self-care. This sounds wonderful, but how does anyone make that happen? I have always hated when I admit to being overwhelmed and my husband tells me I need to let something go and do less. How do I do that? 

As crazy as it sounds to take time for yourself, it is a gamechanger. When you are frazzled, exhausted, and unhappy, those emotions and physical states will affect everything you do. If you can find time for self-care, your mental and physical health will be stronger, and you will be better equipped to be the superhero you need to be. There are also some ways to slip a few of those moments into your day without changing much. Here are a few ideas to find those moments.

Stay positive

When you focus on the positives, you feel better. Positivity is a form of self-care because it will make you happy, and when your mood is good, you will be more motivated and productive.

Be transparent

Be open about your life including the messy parts you wish you could hide. It is exhausting to be someone you are not and sharing your flaws could help someone else who is struggling with the same thing.

Stay connected

Feeling loved and having support is a great form of self-care. Keep your connections strong and enjoy time with friends and family.

Let it go

This could mean let go of some things you don’t have to do, or it could mean let go of something you are mentally holding on to. Worry is a wasted emotion as well as feeling guilty about something from the past you cannot change. Let the baggage go.

Eat what you love

You should do your best to eat a healthy diet, but eat what you love too. One of my greatest pleasures in life is eating well and feeding others. Food is love.

Say no

Don’t take on something you will not enjoy doing because it will weigh you down and eat up your time that you could be spending on something you enjoy. Guard your energy and your time to take care of yourself. 

Turn over responsibility

I used to think I had to solve everybody’s problems until I realized that most people only want to be heard and with a few questions they can be guided to finding their solutions. My youngest has been struggling with her career path and she rehashes all her fears over and over and each time I say, “No one can make this decision for you. It is up to you to decide.” Turn the responsibility over to someone else. 

Unplug

Social media can be a great form of entertainment and connection, but it can also be emotionally draining. Take a few moments to be without any form of technology and relax in silence.

Move

Whatever form of movement you enjoy will improve your mind and body. Movement is a great way to destress and unwind.

Dance in the kitchen

I remember when my children were younger, we would put on upbeat music and crazy dance in the kitchen. It always caused us to laugh until we were out of breath. It is an instant mood boost.

Listen to music

Music can influence our mood whether we need to destress or we need some motivation. Find a good playlist to use throughout the day.

Count your blessings

Feeling grateful and realizing how lucky you are is a good way to feel good about yourself.

Breathe

Taking deep breaths is healthy for you and it is another way to calm down after a busy day.

Slow down

When you feel yourself feeling overwhelmed, stop for a minute, take a deep breath, and tell yourself that you are going to face your tasks one at a time, doing the most important first.

Pray

Prayer is a healthy way of asking for help and sometimes releasing your worries makes you feel better.

Go outside

Nature is healing. Go outside and soak up the beauty all around you.

Use aromatherapy

Smells can perk up your mood and energize you when you are tired. I have a candle on my desk that I burn when I’m writing that is a combination of gardenia, clove, and cognac. It is the perfect smell for me and it lifts my spirits. I also diffuse an essential oil called Breathe which also has an amazing smell and is a respiratory blend. I have not had a cold since I have been using it. I use peppermint if I need a boost and I sprinkle it and lavender on my pillow at night because the smell is amazing.  

Laugh

It’s hard to be in a bad mood when you are laughing. Watch a good comedy, funny videos, or enjoy some moments with friends.

Ask for help

There is nothing weak or embarrassing about asking for help. 

Be present

Instead of worrying about the past or the future, enjoy the moment you are in right now.

Accept yourself

Realize you are worthy and beautifully made. If you like what you see in the mirror, no one else’s opinion matters.   

Give yourself grace

You don’t have to be perfect. Laugh at your imperfections as well as all those moments that don’t go according to plan.

Play with a pet

Having an animal is a form of therapy. They will listen to you without judging you, and they love unconditionally.

We live in a society where a strong work ethic is highly regarded but it often exacts a nasty price as it affects our mental and physical health, affects our relationships, and influences our happiness. What if we work harder at making ourselves healthy and happy and adjust our priorities so that work is not all-consuming. Self-care should come first and then we will be better equipped to take care of our other responsibilities.

We are all wonderfully made, but what causes one person to be so different from another? What are those influences and interactions that form us as we grow? Who are the people in your life who made you the person you have become?

We all come with a little pre-wiring, a bit of personality that came with the package and any mental or physical challenges can influence who we are, but mostly it is the people who enter and exit our lives who make us the people we are. In our lives, we will have mentors, role models, competitors, supporters, friends, lovers, as well as toxic people who will all influence us in some way. It’s important to reflect first on how we would define ourselves and then ask the question who helped us to be that way.

Define yourself. What are the first few words that come to mind when someone asks you to define yourself? My definition would be loving, Catholic, driven. The first one would seem odd if you knew I come from a family that did not ever say I love you or hug or show open affection. All of those things would have been very awkward and uncomfortable for my parents. There was no doubt in my mind they loved me, they just showed it in different ways. It was not until high school that I heard friends say I love you. I had two friends from Puerto Rico who would shout it over their shoulders to me as they headed out the door. It seemed like a wonderful thing to me although it was a little scary to say to someone because of that chance that the person would not respond. I tried it one night when I was on the phone with my Dad and as he said goodbye I said “I love you Dad.” There was dead silence on the line. I am sure he was very uncomfortable. Despite their dislike for open proclamations of love, my parents showed me what it meant to be loved and cared for.

My mother is responsible for my identity as a Catholic. We went to church every Sunday, I had Bible study once a week although I swear it felt like every day to a child, and we followed all the rules including no meat on Friday. I really don’t ever want to see tuna casserole again.

My father is responsible for my driven nature. He always told me I needed to work hard and that there is always something more that can be done. I heard that lesson very clearly and to this day I have trouble sitting down for long because surely there is something else I should do.

What are your passions? It is only my opinion that your passions are born with you but there are people in your life that can nurture them and help you to develop them. My passions are reading, writing, and running. When I do any of these three things I feel completely at peace and happy, in fact, I am usually smiling while I do them. My passion for reading was fostered by a place, not a person. The library in my town looked like a castle complete with a scary cellar. It was right around the corner from my house so I would go there as often as possible, curl up in a corner and lose myself in an adventure. Writing was fostered by my high school English teacher. Mr. Chaffee was the first person to tell me I was a good writer and coming from him that statement meant a great deal. He believed in me. I have no idea how I became passionate about running, but I cannot imagine not being able to do it.

Who made you stronger and gave you power? Most people would probably think of positive influences in their lives but for me, the people who made me stronger were involved in fairly negative situations. My family spoiled me so when I was first married I was a bit of a princess but my husband was not going to stand for that. He also is a perfectionist who has specific ways that he wants things done. He would fix things that I had done and at the time I thought I was not doing things correctly but I eventually learned it was only part of his personality. It did teach me to stand up for those things I didn’t want to be changed. The other person who made me stronger was someone I thought was my friend. She was what Dr. Phil’s new book calls a baiter. She was someone with no empathy, completely self-absorbed, never able to admit culpability, devious and manipulative. The relationship did teach me a lot though and left me stronger after I removed all the knives from my back.

Who made you weaker? Is there someone in your life you know is not good for you but you have difficulty pulling away? What do you have to do to move on? I had a boyfriend in college that my father disliked so badly he would not allow him in our house. I knew deep down he was bad for me, but I didn’t know how to break free until I did a year abroad and voilà, problem solved.

Who taught you the most about life? Who did you learn the most lessons from? This could be your parents, your co-workers, your friends. What did you learn from them that impacted you? My students have taught me the most. I have seen students with issues that most people would find insurmountable yet somehow the students find a way to succeed.

Who brings you peace? Who is the person or people in your life that brings you a sense of peace? My sense of peace comes from God and my family.

Who have you influenced? Hopefully, you have influenced some of the people in your life. Often the people that we have influenced would surprise you. You never know when you can do or say something that may change a life.

You can see by these questions that we all are complex creatures with multiple layers responsible for forming us. It’s important to reflect on how those layers were formed.