If you could only use one word to describe yourself, what would it be? Many people would probably say anxious. Even before Covid, anxiety seems to be a common part of many people. Covid added uncertainty, loss of jobs, higher prices, and misinformation. It is understandable that more anxiety has seeped into our lives.

Others might say peaceful. This could come from a strong faith that God has a plan. It can also be a product of someone having the attitude that he will deal with each situation as it comes.

Some will say negative. These are the people who can take down a positive thought as if they are skeet shooting. Some would say positive because they have the ability to turn around whatever challenge comes their way.

You might describe yourself as curious because you love to learn and question everything. Perhaps you are apathetic or uninterested.

Would you say extravert because you love being social, or introvert because you would rather be alone? Maybe you are a combination of the two as someone who enjoys people but needs some quiet time too.

Are you bitter about the life you lead, or grateful for everything including the tough lessons?

Are you weary and weighed down by life’s responsibility, or do you see each day as an exciting adventure?

Would you say you are quiet, preferring to be invisible, or loud bursting into any room?

Are you short-tempered, or can you remain patient in the face of chaos?

We have so many adjectives to describe each other, and that makes interactions with each other more fascinating. What in your life is responsible for your word? What stories do you have to tell? We all need to tell those stories and embrace our word.

We are each a tiny fleck in an enormous universe. Nature and the universe can be scary because they are so powerful, and there is still so much we have to learn, but there are ways that we can use the power around us to enhance our lives. Everything in the universe including us is made up of energy. Let’s look at several ways we can use that energy to our advantage.

Positive vs. negative thoughts

I believe very strongly in the power of positive thinking. Sending out positive thoughts can make a difference in our lives. At first, when I would try to show this to my family, they laughed at me until they started to see it working for me even in unusual situations. We would pull into a full restaurant parking lot and inevitably someone would say, “Oh, man. We are going to have to wait.” I would counter it by saying, “We are going to get right in.” We would walk in and after the hostess asked how many we were, she would say, “Right this way!” I loved seeing the expression on my family’s faces. After a few similar situations, they send out the positive thought with me.

Believe it is possible and it will eventually happen. Continue to repeat the possibilities and it will become reality.

Unfortunately, negativity is as strong as positivity and people tend to get caught up in it more because of struggles and doubts. I also think negativity is contagious which makes it a dangerous quality to engage in. Every time you hear yourself engaging in negative self-talk, turn it around to be something positive. If someone starts talking negatively about someone else, inject a positive note.

With positive self-talk, you don’t ever have to have a bad day again. Whether your day is good or bad depends on how you choose to react to it. You have the power to turn it around. Make it a game to refuse to allow any negativity to enter your day. Having a sense of humor for those days when everything seems to go wrong is always a help.

Positivity gains strength when it is sent out as a group. I have so many positive stories about the results that prayer warriors can have. The more positivity that goes out, the more will come back.

What you send out will come back to you.

I believe that when we do positive actions by showing kindness, or reaching out and helping in some way, that positivity will come back to us in the form of blessings. Negativity will come back as well. You attract the energy that you send out.

Gratitude is a powerful form of positivity. Each time you say thank you for something, you are creating positive energy, and realizing the great things in your life makes you feel better.

Use nature, music, and silence to recharge. We all need time to recharge our energy because there are many things that drain us during the day. Being outside in nature is a quick way to recharge. Listen to the life pulsing around you. There is a music to nature. Music is another way to recharge. It can calm us or motivate us. Sometimes sitting in silence is the best way to shut out everything else and allow us to regroup.

It is so easy to make excuses when it comes to exercise but becoming too sedentary can be harmful to us. Think of a time when you have been sitting for a long time and when you stand up your legs feel stiff, and you might feel slightly lethargic. We need to move and work our bodies even though that first step might be difficult for us. This is what the doctor of my neighbor Jim told him. I run in our cul-de-sac every day and one day Jim came out and said, “My doctor said I have to start walking.” It was obvious how unhappy he was about this, but he knew he had to do it for his health, so he took those first steps. I watched him shuffle around the neighborhood with unsteady legs. Each lap is 1/10 of a mile and the first time he came out he made it three laps and headed back inside. Over the next few weeks, I watched him become stronger until he made it to walking a mile. Even better than making that milestone, he was so much stronger, and he seemed happier. I asked him if he saw the difference and he told me how much better he felt. Yesterday I asked him when he was going to try for two miles. At first, he said, “Oh!” as if that was unthinkable, but several minutes later he said, “You know, I could do it if I split it up to ten laps in the morning, and ten in the afternoon.” That’s what taking the first step and gradually improving can do for you. You start to see the possibilities.

Taking that first step is easier if you make some goals. Write out what you would like to achieve, make it achievable, and then find a way to measure your progress. My friend Jess had a baby seven months ago and she is ready to take the first step towards better fitness. She told me she needed something to make her take that first step, so she asked me to sign her up for a 5K (3 miles) race several months from now. She said if there was a date that she could see on the calendar, it would help her to stay motivated.

You don’t need to run a three-mile race but find something that will keep you moving. You could walk, swim, bike, work in the yard, take a class at the gym, or do anything else that will keep you active.

Take the first step out of your comfort zone and do whatever you need to be the best you. The first step is the most difficult, but it can lead you to some amazing possibilities.

Being healthy doesn’t have to be difficult or painful. There is a difference between waking up one day and deciding you need to make some changes to your lifestyle and the decision that everything you enjoy has to go, you cannot ever eat dessert again, and you are going to do a marathon in a month, and you don’t run. The first approach allows you to make some realistic, positive, and easy changes, and the second is doomed for failure. Going to extremes rarely has a good outcome, so let’s see if there are some easier ways to make some changes.

What do you want to change?

Instead of saying you want to change everything, write down specific things you would like to improve in your life. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to eat healthier or be more active? Do you need to work on your mental health, your relationships, or your career? Write down everything you want without thinking about whether it is possible. What would you change if there were no limits and no barriers? Writing down what you want makes it more real, and you will feel more accountable.

Set some goals, but start where you are.

Set goals that you can easily meet and then when you crush them, you can make harder ones. Don’t start out with goals that will discourage you. Remember who won the race between the tortoise and the hare. Take baby steps and you will gradually become stronger. I told my husband I didn’t like the way my stomach looked, but instead of going crazy at the gym, I decided to do something that I would do consistently, and would not be especially difficult. I do a certain number of sit-ups every morning before I leave my room. A month after doing this, I can already see a difference.

Make a plan that will help you have success with your goals.

How are you going to make this happen? Saying you have a goal is the first step, now you need to decide what can you do to make it happen. Brainstorm with friends and family. Remember to tailor this to your needs and abilities.

How does your lifestyle factor into your health and what will you have to do so that changes will work?

You may have to make some lifestyle changes, and some changes to your behavior to see your health improve. What are your triggers to overeat? What need is a bad habit filling for you? If you smoke or drink excessively in certain situations, you will have to make some changes. Look at your life including relationships and decide what is keeping you from being happy and the best you can be.

What will you stick with?

Don’t make goals that you know will be too difficult to achieve because you will become discouraged and give up. Start slowly and build each day. Consistency is the key to success.

Eliminate those temptations, but keep some junk too.

If weight loss is your goal, you can still eat what you love as long as you control the portions. There are certain foods though that are too much of a temptation for anyone. There are foods that I refuse to buy because I cannot control myself around them. Also, find out what kind of food makes you gain weight. I think everyone is a little different in this area. There are obvious foods like desserts, but for example, I cannot eat crackers without watching the scales rise. If you were wondering what food I cannot have around, it’s frosted animal crackers, and I am a lover of salt, so I can consume large quantities of chips.

Don’t forget your mental health.

We tend to focus on our physical health, but we have to take care of the mental side too. What can you do to lessen the stress in your life, and what can you do to maintain a happy, positive attitude? Every day, even if it’s only for five minutes, take some time to sit in silence and let your mind go blank and relax. I use the time I am out running for this. It gives you a chance to recharge.

Keep track of your progress

Keep a journal and detail the journey. Praise yourself for what worked, and rework what didn’t.

Start small, keep it simple, be excited about the possibilities, leave the excuses at the door, and watch your life change.

What gifts do you enjoy giving or receiving? Gifts can offer so much more than a material thing. A gift can lift someone’s spirits, help them through a tough time, and show your love and appreciation. The effect of a gift can be long lasting and giving a gift can be as powerful as receiving one. The best part is that gifts do not have to be elaborate or expensive. A simple gift can be the most powerful. Let me give you some examples of amazing gifts that were very simple.

Gifts of food

I love to eat, and I am always hungry, so gifts of food mean a lot to me. I am addicted to sausage biscuits from McDonald’s, and one of my colleagues would bring me one if he went there. That little biscuit made my day. I taught teenagers and they are always hungry, so I would bring in snacks. I loved seeing their faces when they discovered there was food. Find out what your friends enjoy and either make something or pick something up for them. Knowing that someone was thinking of you makes a big difference.

Gifts of kindness

Everyday life can be tough sometimes, and a gift of kindness can make tough times a little easier. Offering to help in some small way can help ease the burden.

Cards

Notes can be the perfect way to lift someone’s spirits. Tell someone how much you appreciate her. My favorite cards are the homemade ones with artwork that shows some time was put into the construction. I save my cards and pull them out when I need a lift.

Compliments

Sprinkle compliments like confetti and watch people light up. A basic complement can make a bigger difference than you would think, and the effect can be long-lasting.  

A gift that shows you know a person well

If you know someone who loves to write, a simple journal will show you know what his passion is. If someone loves to bake, put together a simple package of baking tools.

Flowers

Color and beauty can always give a boost to a mood. You don’t need to spend a fortune on them. Most grocery stores discount flowers after several days, and they are still

Handmade gifts  

Handmade gifts can be beautiful. I have friends who know how to make body scrubs and candles. Several make quilts with t-shirts, and others love to crochet and knit. My husband makes beautiful furniture and has gifted all of us with at least one piece.

Use your personal gifts and resources to give those simple gifts that have such a huge impact.

We have all had those moments is dealt a blow, whether it is illness or a death in the family, or another serious event. You feel helpless because you do not want to intrude, but you want to help in some way. It’s always a good idea to ask how you can help, but most of the time people feel uncomfortable asking for anything. Here are a few ideas that might help.

Food is love and when someone is struggling, providing a meal is almost always appreciated. Check for allergies and preferences. You can arrange for friends to come together and create a meal train. https://www.mealtrain.com/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6KvJz6bB9QIVIw_nCh0WlwvWEAAYASAAEgJzqfD_BwE

Flowers usually lift people’s spirits by adding some color and beauty. Include a card expressing your support and thoughts. Here are some spots to order.

https://farmgirlflowers.com/

https://fromyouflowers.com

Offer to do things that will help make life easier. You can baby-sit, watch animals, grocery shop, mow the yard, or tend the garden. Make a coupon book that can be used to help out when necessary.

Check on the person regularly, not only when the initial problem arises. When people forget about the person, and carry on with their lives, it can be very lonely.

Ask the person to come out for coffee or lunch.

If money is an issue, raise money through go fund me or my asking family and friends to help.

Even though I always feel as if saying I’m sorry and I’m praying like so many others, those words are appreciated.

Remember that anything presented in love will be appreciated.

Sometimes even the experts don’t have the answers. When Covid first entered our lives, we felt blindsided. We were afraid, and we didn’t know how to protect ourselves, so we turned to the expert for answers. The problem with that was the experts didn’t have the answers. The recommendations seemed to change daily, and it caused people to lose faith in the people they need to trust. I can appreciate it more when someone says they don’t have a definitive answer than when someone continually sends out information that fluctuates each day.

People perceive what the media presents to us in different ways.

My husband does not enjoy watching the nightly news because he says they are trying to promote fear by making everything sound dire. I didn’t understand this perception until we were watching it together and he reacted to a piece about voting, and I realized that like many other things it all depends on your perception because what he saw as too dramatic was only normal reporting to me.

There can be peace in the middle of chaos. I was teaching in 2020 when we were told we had a day to bring home what we needed to teach remotely. We were going into a lockdown. People were scared, uncertain of what to do, nervous about catching the virus, and as teachers, we were nervous about providing good lessons. I felt peaceful through most of it. I decided to have faith that I would take things a day at a time and deal with whatever each day brought. We can always choose how we react.

There are positives in every situation. Being home more strengthened our family relationships. We spend more time talking with each other, cooking great meals, and laughing together. I even have a better relationship with the cat. It turns out he only wanted me to spend more time with him. I don’t drive as much or run around to stores and restaurants. I have more time to rest and reflect. I have noticed a lot of things that I was too busy to notice before. Another positive is your mask can cover up any imperfections and it keeps you warmer in the winter.

We are the best when we help each other. Out of bad comes good, and as awful the situation with Covid has been, we have also seen an outpouring of positive humanity. I was so proud of our country when people stepped up to feed the hungry and help in other ways. I hope we continue to make it a priority to help those who need it.

A pandemic will show the true side of a person. While I was proud of the many people who stepped up to help others, the pandemic also brought out the worse in some people. I saw judgment and arguments where there should have been understanding, compassion, and support. I was so disappointed to see the ugly side of several friends.

Taking care of your health is important. Covid has shone a light on our health and the need for us to take care of ourselves to the best of our ability, and that includes our mental and physical health. I hope more people will decide to make good health a priority. Take baby steps through easy goals but start now to be healthier. We need to be as strong as possible to beat this virus. I am so used to doctors telling me to rest and not push myself when recovering from an illness that I was surprised when the doctor I spoke to about Covid told me to push myself to the limit, to strengthen my lungs, and to not let this thing win.

I know I will continue to learn from this pandemic, and there will be both positive and negative, but I will continue to look for the lessons.

     I am a professional at multi-tasking. If I am not doing at least two things at once then I am planning how to fit in three more in the next hour. I can only sit down for short periods before I jump back up remembering one more thing I want to accomplish.

     Unfortunately, I have been afflicted with this problem all my life. I can hear my mother saying, “Jennifer, you don’t know how to relax.” Now, I may have heard my mom saying that, but the voice I listened to was my dad saying, “There is always something else that needs to be done.” I knew I needed intervention when I came home from a minor surgical procedure with orders to rest for the rest of the day, and as I lay on the couch watching television, each of my children looked at me and said “Mom, are you sick?” That’s when I thought “O.K. maybe I need to slow down a little.”

     The fact is though in our busy lives it often seems if we slow down, life will run us over. If I go a day without doing laundry, a mountain suddenly looms from the clothes basket. If I don’t prepare all the children’s clothes/snacks/errant shoes for the next day, the following morning is chaos. The truth is though that time doing relaxing activities or doing nothing is important to our health. Study after study proves that stress harms our health, ages us, and often leads to an early death. Each of us needs to learn to reconnect to that ability to enjoy life like a small child does, free from responsibility if only for a few moments. Here are some ideas of activities to do to learn to relax. Remember you may only do one of these at a time, and you should only do it if it sounds like fun!

Meditate                       

Sit somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, breathe deeply and imagine an ideal scene for you. Visualize something wonderful you want to happen. See it happening and believe it is possible.  

Read                      

 Pick up a great book and leave the world behind for a while as you explore a fantasy world or learn something new.

Connect with friends   

 Go down the numbers on your cell phone and call some friends you have not spoken to in a while. Send out some long overdue e-mails. Get together with some friends to share some stories and laughter.

Sleep                              

Take a nap or sleep a little later in the morning. Stretch out the  length of the bed like the cat.

Watch television          

  Find programs that make you laugh or intrigue you, or bring you comfort or inspiration.

Sit on a porch.

Put your feet up on the railing and watch others multitask while you rest.

Take a bath         

Close the bathroom door and slip into a hot bath as your troubles melt away.

Listen to music             

Put on your favorite songs and listen to them.

Play with a child          

When you watch a child play, you will see complete focus and enjoyment of the moment. Move at your child’s speed and observe all the amazing things they see that we have forgotten to notice. 

Learn from your cat      

My cat knows how to relax. He eats at a leisurely pace, takes a bath, and can take one of his frequent naps anywhere.

Cook for pleasure          

By this, I mean cook because you want to not because you have to. Cooking can be extremely relaxing.

Make a not to-do list    

Occasionally make a list of tasks you can eliminate or that someone else can do for you.

     Find an activity that makes you happy and feel the sense of relaxation wash over you. I hope you enjoyed my list and that you can add to it, I am going to curl up in the sun next to my cat and my daughter and learn some more of their secrets for relaxation.

I would love to tell you that I am naturally wise and I have always known about the list that I am going to share with you about what children need, but it has taken me three children of my own and thirty-nine years of teaching other people’s children to know what I do now. Parenting is a tricky business and there is not a guidebook that you can pull out in difficult times. Children are all slightly different and the technique that worked once to solve a problem will probably not work the next time. What I am suggesting to you are elements of relationships that everyone needs to have to grow and be happy. If you have these consistently in your relationship, the little things will eventually fall into place.

Love

This has to be the number one element when parenting. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, but you have to be able to love your children. Love does not mean that you give in to every want, but it means that you try to meet the needs. Your child needs your hugs, your affection, and the knowledge that you are in charge and going to protect him or her.

Boundaries/consequences

Children need to know what the boundaries of good and bad behavior are and when they are sure of those boundaries they are happy because they know someone besides themselves is in control. It makes them feel safe. If you allow them to run crazy because you feel they need to express themselves, you may be creating a disaster.

Teach your child that for any choice there is a consequence. Be very clear about what the consequences are for good and bad behavior, and be consistent about enforcing those consequences.

Grace

Give yourself grace when you stumble in your parenting role. If you were in the wrong, saying you are sorry to your child is a teachable moment. Your child will realize that you are fair and that we should admit when we make mistakes. You will find times when your child needs grace too. Life for a child can be demanding, so make some room for fun.

Encouragement

Be your child’s cheerleader and advocate. Catch them doing the good and redirect them when they need it. Show your pride in their accomplishments, and make sure they know you support them. Know the difference between encouragement and enabling. If you do the work for your child and don’t teach them how to navigate situations, you are not teaching them how to do life. There are moments though when you may have to step in and take over if there is a situation that warrants it.

Time

Children want to be with you. You can watch movies together, read, color, go for walks, anything that allows you to be together. Time goes by so quickly that you will want to make your memories. Don’t let your work take over.

Prayer

Prayer helps with everything and it is calming as well and we all know there are a lot of times we need to calm down.

A chance to be them

Don’t make your child something he is not. Even though you might want him to play football, if he doesn’t want to be an athlete and would rather be part of the theater program, let him choose.

A model

Your children are always watching you and although they might not admit it, they usually want to be like you. Do your best to be a good human being.

Understanding

Our children’s world is different than ours was. Understand that there are differences, and have honest communication with them about what they are experiencing.

There are so many different ways that limitations are imposed on you. It might be someone expecting you to do things his way, it could be judgment, it could be due to age or gender stereotypes, and the list continues. Let me give you a few examples in my life and how I throw off those limitations.

 My husband has rules for everything. There is a certain way to load the grocery cart, do the laundry, mow the yard, and the list continues. It is not acceptable to veer from these rules. However, God has a sense of humor, and he paired me with this poor man. Although I follow most important rules, I also believe in trying things outside the box. An example is my approach to gardening. I think gardening should be fun, and I love to try new things to see what works. When I wanted to do a planting of lettuce and carrots in late August, my husband told me that was against gardening rules, so I told him I wanted to try to see what happened. Luckily, it worked, and I have plenty of lettuce and carrots in January. If I always followed standard rules, I wouldn’t be able to play with the possibilities. I do know though that he doesn’t understand when I break the rules and I want to respect and acknowledge his way of thinking, so I take the time to explain my reasoning to him. It has worked beautifully and while I let him load the grocery cart, he allows me to stray from convention now and then.

I never understand the stereotypes that people have about age. It really is only a number, and what you can do at any age is determined by many factors. If you don’t take care of the machine it won’t run well for as long as you would like it to. Since I have retired, my youngest has made several comments about how I need to slow down and act like a retired person. My idea of a retired person is someone who finally has time to do whatever I want. I don’t have time to listen to people tell me I cannot do something because of my age.

My biggest advice about limitations is to tell you to not listen to people who tell you that your dream is impossible. If you are passionate about something then you were meant to do it. You may find that even those close to you do not support you. Do it for yourself. Don’t wait for others to be your cheerleaders.

Whatever you want to do but feel limited, make a plan to burst through and accomplish your goals.