I would never claim to be wise because I know every day and each new person, I meet will teach me something new. There are though certain things I have learned in life through a combination of some hard lessons and a lot of observation. Here are fifty of those little pearls of wisdom.

Everyone has issues that they are dealing with. Many times, the people who seem to have it the most together are the ones with the biggest issues.

Need is everywhere. We should do what we can when we can.

Hugs are healing and should be given freely.

No one is a perfect parent. The best parents give love freely, set boundaries, and give out consequences when the boundaries are breached.

A perfect exterior usually hides an interior mess.

Everyone has value and needs to be valued.

A simple smile can turn someone’s whole day around.

Spirituality is all around you if you are ready to accept it.

Being healthy is not rocket science and it’s not achieved in 5 minutes or from a pill.

Nothing good comes easily.

Failure really does teach you more than success.

Never give up because you could be a breath away from success

It’s o.k. to keep doing it wrong until you get it right.

Run away from toxic things and people.

Fear destroys dreams.

Love makes a difference.

Reality differs from person to person.

Politeness is something that everyone should practice.

Acts of kindness have a domino effect.

Doing something nice for someone else is the quickest way to make yourself feel better.

You can learn something from everyone.

Stress can kill you.

Worrying is wasted energy.

Positive thinking really does work.

What you do whether good or bad will come back to you.

People will treat you the way you let them treat you.

Learning new things stimulates your brain.

We should all believe in miracles.

Children know how to live best.

Blessings are all around us.

Realizing what we have is more important than complaining about what we don’t.

It’s not what happens to you it’s how you react to it.

A bad day is a choice.

Attitude can change everything.

Laughter is the best medicine.

A sense of humor makes everything better.

Staying friends with someone who has betrayed you is just giving an enemy another chance to hurt you.

When it comes to friends, quality not quantity counts.

Service to others is a way to give back.

Hard work does pay off.

Setting goals is a great motivator.

Slow down a little to enjoy life more.

Sleep and how much you get of it can affect everything else you do.

Never feel guilty for occasionally doing nothing.

Showing an interest in other people can teach us more about ourselves.

It’s never all about you.

Simple is always best.

Walk away from drama.

You cannot say I love you too much.

Reading makes you smarter.

I remember when my oldest was first born, my first thought was “What if I’m not a good parent?” I was not one of those women who seem to take parenting in stride and handle every bump in the road without a hint of stress. I was ready to run to the doctor at the slightest irregularity, I was sure I was doing everything wrong because my baby wasn’t on a strict schedule, and the first time my husband went to work I begged him to stay with me; not a stellar start. Of course, my oldest survived and has turned out to be an amazing woman and my second and third children were infinitely easier to raise, but there are some pieces of advice I wish I had been told in the beginning. Here are several bits of advice learned the hard way.

· Just as the pirate in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean says that the pirate code is just rough guidelines, baby schedules should be the same. Although routines are good for both you and the baby, trying to stick to a rigid schedule for anything is only going to cause stress. Flexibility is going to be a quality that will help no matter where you are in your parenting journey.

· Actions have to receive consequences. Teaching your child early that bad choices will receive a time out or loss of privilege, will save you headaches later. It is sometimes difficult not to give in or deal with the issue of the day but tell yourself that your child will be better for it and your life will be easier down the line.

· Time is the best gift you can give to your child. You do not need to buy expensive gifts to please your child, just be there and play games with them, go see their plays, and let them know that you enjoy the time you have with them. Before you know it, they will be gone and you will wish you had turned off the e-mail and been with them more.

· When your child says I hate you, respond with I love you.

· Realize that in order to be a good parent you cannot always be the good guy.

· United we stand is a good motto for parenting. Support each other in decisions regarding your child.

· Boxes are the best toy for children aged one to two years. Put some out and you will see what I mean.

· Most problems can be averted by making sure your child is rested and fed.

· Remember that you are the adult.

· It’s not always your fault when your child does something wrong.

· Make time for yourself and you will be a better parent.

· Encourage your child’s passion and realize that your passion and his do not have to be the same.

· Be your child’s advocate. You know your child better than anyone, stand up for your child when it is necessary.

As you do your best to be a good parent, you will make mistakes, learn from them and try to do what is right for your family. As long as you do it all with love, you cannot go wrong.

While raising three children and now with grandchildren, I find myself always wishing I could have more time to do all the things I want to do. I know other parents feel the same way so I researched a few ways that parents could find more time in their day.

Dr. Magdalena Battles discusses time management skills in her article, 10 Time Management Tips Every Parent Needs to Know. Dr. Battles says we need to be clear on what our priorities are and how we want to spend our time. Every yes, we give to something, which means we need to say no somewhere else. If being on another school committee is not what you enjoy doing, learn to say no. Don’t feel guilty about saying no because it will free you up to do what is more important to you and your family.

Dr. Battles also cautions against overscheduling activities for your children. If you are going here and there every night, there isn’t enough family time. She suggests making sure you have several nights each week when no activities are scheduled. Several nights without activities gives you more time to spend together as a family. Eat dinner together and spend time playing board games or just talking. Children need downtime just like we do, so scheduling too many activities will create unnecessary stress.

Having your house organized so that items are easily found can save time as well. Good organization does not mean that a house has to have everything perfectly in place. Find a place for jackets, keys, purses, and backpacks, and make sure they are consistently in that spot. Searching for something wastes time and creates tension. Keeping an organized home is a great life skill to teach your children.

Another way to carve out time is to not do everything yourself. Give everyone tasks that they are responsible for doing. Explain to your family that this is about helping each other, and it is important that everyone does his part.

You can make healthy meals that are not complicated or time-consuming. Less time cooking means more time enjoying the meal together.

Use empty time like waiting inline or in the waiting room to catch up on tasks.

Realize that using social media is your choice of how to use your time.

Keep a to-do list for the day and keep a calendar with important dates clearly marked.

Exercise with your children. You can do your exercise and play with your children at the same time. Going for walks is one idea.

I think we all have times when life can feel a little heavy, and we need to retreat to those things that fill us up. I know I have days when I am praying for some words of inspiration, an act of kindness, just the right song, or whatever else will make me smile. Here are a few ideas of what makes me happy. I offer the list to you in the hopes it will remind you of something that brings you joy.

A child’s laughter

Dogs

Music (just about any genre)

A good book

A beautiful day

A stormy day

A great movie

Friends and good food

Champagne (I’m a lightweight though, so just one glass!)

Chocolate

Dancing in the kitchen

Time with family

Holding my grandson and whispering, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you!”

Staying up after everyone is in bed and enjoying the quiet.

When the neighborhood kids see me out running and yell, “Hey, Miss Jen!”

Running

Writing

Gardening

Cooking (I’m not very good, but every once in a while it works out!)

Sleeping late

Laughing

That’s my list for now. Are there other things you would add to yours?

 I was reflecting on some goals I have made, and a few things I would like to improve, and I found myself asking the question, “What holds us back from achieving what we want?”. The answer that came to me is that often we are the main obstacle to our goals. Here are some examples, and some solutions.

Self-talk

Listen to your self-talk and be very honest when you answer the next question. Is your self-talk mostly negative or positive? Most people would answer that it is mostly negative. We are harsher with ourselves than with most of the rest of the people with whom we interact. Turn your self-talk into positive words and see if it makes a difference. Being kinder to yourself is the first step to achieving what you want. Pretend you are speaking with your best friend.

Attitude

Do you defeat yourself before you even attempt something? I think we have all heard the saying, “If you think you can, you will, and if you think you can’t, you won’t.” Approach your goals believing you are going to crush them. If you fall short, try plan B, but never look at it as a failure. Use it to learn how to do better. Positive vibes shift the energy around you, so believe it will happen, that you can do it, and that you deserve all the blessings coming your way.

Fear

Fear is a dream killer, and it will paralyze you from doing what you love. The fear of failure has glued many people to the same spot instead of taking the chance to pursue a passion. What is the worse that can happen if things don’t go according to plan? Give it a shot so you will not have regrets later.

Comparison

Be the best version of yourself that you can be, and don’t try to be like anyone else. Trying to be something you are not, is exhausting and you will not be happy. Be yourself and accept that some people will love you and some will judge you no matter what you do.

Parents will tell you that one of the most difficult things about caring for a baby is getting them to sleep. Most new parents are sleep deprived because they are awakened throughout the night for feedings and changings. The lack of sleep can cause stress, anxiety, and depression, and it can make it harder to cope with everyday challenges. An added challenge is that different techniques work for different children, and parents have to find the techniques and routines that work best for their baby and themselves. I have done some research to find some tips that were universally helpful to get babies to sleep.

Consistency is key.

Whatever you decide to do, do it consistently. Rebecca Parlakian, senior director of the program Zero to Three says that babies learn through routines, so it works best when parents pick a method they can use consistently. She also recommends waiting to start the routines until the baby is four months old because that is when they show day-waking, night-sleeping patterns.

The following were tips recommended by Lauren Hartmann in her article, 6 Simple Things That Helped Our Baby Start Sleeping Longer.

By six months old, move the baby to his own room.

Although most parents want the baby near them in the first few months, parents need their own space.  

Keep the room dark.

This will create a setting that the baby equates with sleep. Blackout shades are an option to help with this.

Use white noise

There are sound boxes with white noise, you can find it on YouTube, and you can use something simple like a box fan.

When the baby wakes up, let your partner go in to soothe him back to sleep.

The baby equates mom with food, so if mom comes into the room, he will want to eat, but dad will have an easier time soothing him. I experienced this with my grandson. My daughter had tried to put him down for a nap three times without success. Several minutes later, I took him in, put him in the crib, covered him with the blanket and walked out. He was asleep in seconds, and my daughter said, “How did you do that?” I said, “I wasn’t you.”

Don’t be afraid to let them cry and fuss

Each article I read agreed that it is normal for a baby to fuss and cry a little. They need to learn how to self-soothe. Set a time that you are comfortable with before you go in to try to soothe him yourself.

Ask for help

Ask family members to watch the baby at times during the day so you can sleep some. Ask the women in the family what worked for them with their babies.

I hope these ideas help. Please remember that you will sleep again. This is only the first step of the adventure of being a parent.

We all have those moments when we need some uplifting words. It could be that life has beaten us up a little, and we need something to soothe the hits, we could be unsure of ourselves, or we only need some hope and motivation to lift our spirits. No matter what the reason is that we need them, words of encouragement can be extremely powerful.

There are two ways these words can be used. You can offer them to others, or you can give them to yourself with your self-talk. If you offer them to others, use them in a variety of situations and not only when someone is visibly struggling. You would be surprised how well people can disguise their emotions and struggles. Offer comfort and encouragement freely and to a variety of people. You also deserve words of encouragement, and when you are offering comfort to yourself, notice the effect that positive words can have on your mood. Spread them around like confetti.

You need to have an arsenal of words to use when you are ready, so here are some that can use with others or yourself.

You are well-loved

I’m here for you

I am so impressed by you

You are a rock star

Everything will be o.k.

Sometimes we have to wait for the right timing, it will happen.

Take a step at a time

 What do you need?

How are you feeling?

You are incredible.

Don’t listen to haters, they like to hate.

Don’t play the comparison game, you are amazing exactly as you are.

You can do this!

Stand back up and keep trying.

Do what you love not what others want you to do.

Attitude is a choice so choose yours.

Have a sense of humor always

Send out positive thoughts.

I hope these are a good start for you. Continue to add to the list as you think of them. Be an encourager for yourself and others.

Children approach life with joy, and without reservations. Each moment is a new adventure, and each person is a possible new friend. Although parents are supposed to guide their children through life, sometimes I think our children may have even more to teach us. Here is what we can learn from our children.

It’s not so hard to make friends.

Children do not care what someone does for a living or what color their skin is or what kind of car they drive. They enjoy each other’s company and they see each new child as a new chance to interact and have fun. Somehow as we become older we make it so much more complicated.

Rest and food make all the difference. Most of the time when a child has a meltdown, it is either because he or she is tired or hungry. The happiest child is one who has adequate rest and has a regular food routine. This does not change as we age. Remember the last time you started to become annoyed for no specific reason. Were you hungry? The chances are that the answer is yes. I have a metabolism that tears through food so I have to eat regularly. When my blood sugar drops, my mood drops as well. It is so bad that my friends carry crackers in their bags for me. When I am too tired I have headaches and I have difficulty concentrating. If I could just take a power nap, I know I would be so much more productive.

Sharing what you have is important. Most children like to at least show others the treasures that they are carrying around if not share them. As parents, we are always telling our children how important it is to share what we have, but we often do not do it enough as adults. There is so much need around us that I think anyone who has the potential to share what they have should do so.

Love is as important as food and should be given freely. Children give hugs and kisses with joyful abandon. They scatter the words I love you like flowers and they crave the same affection in return. This is another area that we manage to complicate as we grow older. In my opinion, you can never say I love you too much and hugs are wonderful unless you know they will make the receiver uncomfortable. Love is the most important thing in life and the more that you can spread around the better and the more you love, the more love comes back to you.

There must be time to play. A child knows the importance of play. Everyone needs time for fun and a chance to use creativity and imagination. As adults, we become too caught up in work and responsibility. Joy can be found in other places with other activities. Take time every day to do something that you enjoy.

The toys we have do not ensure happiness. A child can have just as much fun with a box and some paper and crayons as he can have with the latest state-of-the-art gadget. Don’t waste your money on the latest craze in an attempt to have the latest thing that everyone else has.

Life is full of wonder and adventure. I love the look on my child’s face when something amazes her or fills her with joy. We should try to hold on to some of that amazement over what is around us. Take the time to soak up the beauty around you or special moments.

A child takes his time and stops to explore everything interesting along the way. When did we become so busy that we cannot take in the amazing things around us? If you ever go on a walk with a child you cannot be in a hurry because he will want to stop and inspect every stone, branch, and insect along the way. We are always in a hurry to go somewhere and we become too busy to enjoy the journey.

Here are some things that children do right that we could learn to do better.

• Children approach everything they do with an unabashed joy while we tend to analyze everything before doing it.
• The look of excitement on a child’s face when they are about to do something they love is priceless. Adults tend to be more guarded about expressing enjoyment.
• Children will run not walk towards an opportunity while adults would feel undignified showing such a lack of restraint.
• Children treat everyone equally regardless of race, age, or gender. Adults tend to judge by appearances.
• Children forgive quickly and with no lingering bitterness.
• Children understand the power and need for laughter. Adults need to be less serious.
• To a child, everyone is a potential new friend. They realize the possibilities that each new person offers as an individual.
• They accept each person into their life without prejudice or question.
• They never worry about wasting time. Each activity is worth their time and attention.
• They never feel the need to hurry. (Unless ice cream or candy are involved.) It is acceptable to stop and observe the butterflies and to inspect each of the 27 bugs that they will encounter from here to there. Life is full of wonders and they want to observe them all.
• Children give their love completely. There are no issues about holding back or being guarded. They love with total abandon.
• Children are direct about their needs and their feelings.
• Children have faith. They believe and have no need for proof.
• Children believe that magic happens.

We need to spend some time just sitting and watching them at play. They have some great lessons to teach us.

                                                

I have told myself for years that when I retire from teaching I am going to enjoy the month of September because to me it is a transition month between summer and fall. It offers great weather and many fun activities but it is also a time when school is back in session and parents are more focused on the workplace again. I dream of September and retirement because I will be able to enjoy the calm while everyone has headed back to their tasks. Last week though I realized that we often push off enjoying life’s moments to a future time. Why do we not enjoy our lives more in the present? Here are a few ideas of how I think we can enjoy our lives more right now.

Slow down

I have always hated when someone suggests this because my first thought is I cannot possibly slow down with everything I have to do. If you are like me, you are juggling two tasks at once while thinking of four more you need to complete. I am talking to myself while I try to stay focused and add one more thing to the to-do list. I want to suggest to you that this only leads to stress and worry. I have discovered if I slow down I am actually more productive and definitely happier. Make a list of mission-critical tasks and do them. Ask for help when you can. Slowing down requires some self-talk. When you start to feel stressed be your own cheerleader whether you need to say “calm down”, or “I will get this done.” Use whatever works to push stress away.

Doing nothing from time to time gives you a chance to relax and recharge. When you are bombarded with problems to solve and people are all vying for your attention, quiet moments are necessary to reflect and escape. When we can rest and do activities we enjoy, it makes us more productive when it is time to work again. Rest allows us to think more clearly and function better.

Setting the priorities for your day can help too. You have to be the one in charge of your day, don’t let your day control you.

Be grateful

It is very easy to see everything that is wrong in your life, but all that does is make you unhappy. Make a list of everything that is a blessing for you and realize that there are people around you who are struggling so much more than you. Open your eyes to the positives in your life instead of focusing on the negatives.

Be present

We become so caught up in the whirlwind of life that sometimes we don’t enjoy the moment we are in at the time. When you are with friends or family don’t spend your time thinking about all the work you have to do. Savor the important moments. Concentrate on the people with whom you are speaking, enjoy a leisurely meal, and observe the beauty around you.

Listen

Are you listening to the people around you or are you thinking about your next task or when you can insert your voice? Try listening without interrupting and you will be amazed at how much you can learn about someone. Also, practice listening to what is happening around you.

Focus on family and friends

Don’t allow your work to go from a profession to an obsession. Spending every waking minute on work is not healthy for anyone. Carve out time to make memories with family and friends and the enjoyment of your time spent with them will help you with productivity in other areas.

Go outside

There is energy in nature and going outside is a great way to recharge. Sit on the porch and listen to the sounds of the neighborhood and watch the world from a comfy chair.

Spend time on you

If you do not take care of yourself, it is difficult to care for others well. Exercise, do what you love, eat well, and see your doctors regularly.

Disconnect

We spend too much time on our screens wasting time checking our e-mail and scrolling through social media. Every once in a while, put your phone down and don’t check it for at least an hour.

Put away the to-do list

I take a day now and then when I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. The housework and other tasks will all be there the next day.

Laugh more

Laughing is the fastest way to make us happy and it’s contagious. If I was laughing around my sister, she would start laughing without even knowing what was making me laugh. It’s hard to be in a bad mood when you are laughing.

                                             

What would you say to your parents if you had a chance to thank them for what they have done for you? If you have children of your own you realize some of the struggles that they experienced. Have you ever thanked them? I wrote a letter to my father when he first became ill to thank him for everything but for some reason, I did not send it and he died several weeks later. I also never told my mother how much I appreciated what she had done for me. If I had another chance to speak to them, this is what I would say thank you for.

• For giving me what I needed and not necessarily everything I wanted.
• For making Christmas magical
• For all the Halloween parties in our spooky cellar with the bowls of slimy spaghetti and peeled grapes.
• For working two jobs so that I could go to a good school.
• For teaching me the meaning of hard work
• For loving me unconditionally and believing that the other person was always wrong and I was always right.
• For telling me what you really thought about my boyfriends and understanding when I didn’t listen.
• For protecting me.
• For teaching me spirituality even when I didn’t think it was something that I wanted or needed.
• For being amazing role models
• For encouraging my passion for reading.
• For not thinking I was stupid because I just didn’t get Geometry.
• For taking my husband into the family as if he was your son.
• For telling me to take the risk of starting a business even though you were as nervous about it as I was.
• For spoiling my children.
• For teaching me the importance of family.
• For telling me (continually) to slow down. I think I’m finally catching on to the importance of that.
• For not yelling at me the night I came in at 3 a.m.
• For spending time with me.
• For coming to watch my games even when it scared mom to watch the lacrosse games.
• For thinking that if I knew we had to choose between Dad’s cancer treatment and a nice private college for me that I should choose the college.(I didn’t) 
• For giving me the opportunity to fly and to choose the direction.
• For making me feel that home was always there waiting for me.
• For teaching me manners and respect.
• For a house full of laughter and love.

What would you add to your own list? Make your list and if your parents are still alive send it to them. They deserve a thank you. If your parents have passed, make the list anyways and use it as a chance to relive some great memories.