One of the men who went to my gym had won a 5k the Saturday before, so I asked him, “What is your advice for running fast?” He replied, “You have to run fast.” Now, I could have been offended by the terse reply, and the condescending tone it was delivered in, but he did have a point. If you want to run fast, you have to put in the time to train your body to be fast. There are runners who are just naturally fast. I have a friend who is super-fast and only runs when he races. Most of us need a little more training than that.

I was a cross-country coach for many years, and I know what worked to make my runners faster. Let me share a few ideas with you.

Run hills

If you can find a short loop where you are running flat for a while, then have an uphill, downhill, and back to the flat, you have an ideal way to run hills. A loop like that gives you a chance to build up momentum for the hill, then as you crest the hill you have some time to rest before climbing the hill again.

Run long

Running long builds endurance and makes the shorter runs seem easy.

Run races

I use running races on the weekend as my speed work. It is fun, I can ask elite athletes questions, and I can work on speed and pacing.

Do fartleks

Fartleks are runs where you run fast for a while and then run slow.

Do tempo runs

Tempo runs are when you run at a consistent pace the whole run. It will train your body to endure the stress of that pace. I would hop on a treadmill at the gym and set it for the pace I wanted. I would run it as long as I could and then I would reduce the speed. I would repeat the pattern as long as I could.

We all want to be fast but remember that rest plays a big role too. Listen to your body and take a day off when you need it.

Life can throw some stressful situations at us as most of us are trying to multitask throughout our day. It is not always easy to maintain a sense of peace and calm, but I would like to suggest a few ways you might be able to destress a little.

Exercise

Movement is a great way to release emotions and calm your mind. A simple walk will do the trick. When I am running, I use the time to problem solve and it is also a time when I am the most creative. I often have to run inside to write down an idea. I also can release anger, anxiety, or frustration by letting them fall off behind me.

Music

Music can be a motivator and a calming influence. There are certain songs I like to listen to if I need to find some calm. My favorite is I can only imagine by Mercy Me. Those piano chords start playing and I can feel the stress melt away. If I had a tough day and I feel battered and bruised, I need something to motivate me. I do not like to give up or give in, so I love In my blood by Shawn Mendes. Make a playlist to fit your moods.

Laugh

I cannot stay stressed when I start laughing. I feel the same way when I hear a child’s laughter or the type of laughter that is contagious. Do you have someone in your life that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts? That is my oldest daughter for me, and it also happened with my oldest sister. We only have to look at each other, and then hilarity ensues.

Dance it out

If you don’t dance in the kitchen to your choice of music while you sing at the top of your lungs, (sometimes the wrong words!) you might want to try it. It doesn’t matter if you are a terrible dancer like I am, just have fun.

Sleep

I become a different person if I am tired or hungry. Rest can do wonders for stress management.

Eat great food

Do you ever feel yourself relax when you sit down to eat a great meal? Good food is soothing.

Play with animals

Pets have a way of soothing our stress. They only want to be loved and love us back, and they don’t judge us or argue with us.

Disconnect

Take some time away from social media, e-mail, and the news. Spend some time in quiet.

My children like to say which parent gave them certain traits and characteristics. All three of my children suffer from different levels of anxiety and they correctly point the finger at me for passing it on to them. My husband is easygoing, he doesn’t worry about much, and I would describe the way he deals with his day as he takes what the day gives him and does his best with it. I am jealous of him because I can worry about anything, be nervous about what I say and do, and generally fight anxiety. My animals know how to calm me though.

I have two cats and a dog, and I am so blessed to have them because they are loving and full of personality. They make me laugh and they make me feel peaceful. Here are a few examples of how they help me.

I am wired to be productive or to feel guilty that I am not doing enough. That means that from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I am doing something, and not sitting still for long. I know I should rest more, but the minute I do, I start to think about what I should be doing. My cats are helping me start my morning a little slower because when I come into the kitchen, they both come running and asking for my attention. I have started to take a few minutes each morning to sit with them while they curl up next to me and purr. It calms me down to take a few minutes before my day starts. When I let my dog out of his crate, he doesn’t bolt for the door, he comes straight to me, licks my face, and rolls over so I can rub his belly. His loving personality calms me too. When I take him out, he waits at the top of the stairs for me with that look of, “C’mon, adventure awaits!”.

When I sit down to work, my office has three animals who want to be in the same room as me. I hear Bandit crunching on a bone, Lowkey is snoring, and Sophie is lying on her back in the sun. It is calming to know they are all keeping me company.

When I sit down at night to read, or watch television, I have to become situated quickly because Bandit will be dropping the tennis ball at my feet to throw, and the cats will be climbing into my lap. It is a quiet, calm way to end the day. Thank goodness for the calm that animals can bring to our lives.  

I have been married for forty years. It has not always been an easy adventure, but I would pick the same man again in a heartbeat. I have felt every emotion and become stronger through both the trials and the love. I know I have learned a great deal about maintaining a positive relationship. Allow me to share a few of these thoughts with you.

Don’t rush into marriage

Take your time to get to know your partner before you are married. My husband and I waited for two years until we were done with college and had begun our jobs. Become friends first before you become life partners.

Talk about the deal breakers

There are certain topics you should discuss before marriage. Some of those are money and how you will manage it, do you want children, religion, and living arrangements. You don’t want to have a surprise deal-breaker where you realize you never discussed how you felt about it.

Support your partner

I am always sad when I hear someone denigrating a partner in public. You should be able to feel that when everyone else seems against you, your partner will be your support. If you don’t agree on something, discuss it together in private. Don’t humiliate the person you profess to love. Encourage them to pursue dreams and passions.

Don’t expect to change your partner

Don’t marry someone as if he is a fixer-upper. You should love your partner for who he is, not who he could be.

Learn to compromise and pick your battles

Marriage involves a give and take. Sometimes you have to compromise. Also, realize that every issue is not a capital offense. Know when to plant the flag, and when to calmly talk it out.

Make time to date each other

You need time to date each other and spend time having fun. We have a date night each week, and we still love spending time with each other.

Build and maintain trust

Be honest with each other. Secrets are never good for a marriage.

Laugh together

There is no greater medicine than laughter. Have fun together and see the humor around you.

Apologize when you are wrong

I’m sorry is not always easy to say, but it can be very healing.

Exercise doesn’t have to be a chore. What if we see it more as playing instead of exercising? If we can find something we enjoy doing, maybe we can do it more consistently, and therefore see more benefits. The summer allows us to be outside more, and to be more active. Here are ten easy ways to exercise so that you will have fun but keep moving.

Pickleball

This sport combines elements of tennis, badminton, and ping-pong. It is easy for beginners to learn, it’s fun, and you can get a great workout. Here is a quick description of the sport.

Walk the dog

Why not multitask by taking out the dog and getting your exercise at the same time? Walk around the neighborhood and catch up with the neighbors while you burn some calories. Take a few extra laps because it is so beautiful out.

Dance in the kitchen

You can dance in any room with enough space to move, but in my house, it was always the kitchen. Put on some upbeat music and danse around the room. You will be breathless in no time. There is also something about dancing that puts you in a good mood.

Play frisbee

Where I live, disc golf has become hugely popular. There is a nearby park with a disc golf course and it is always crowded. You can also just throw the Frisbee to your dog, your friend, or just practice your technique by yourself.

Have a water balloon battle

You can divide into teams or play every man for himself. Make rules or play with none. It’s a chance to run around, laugh, and cool off.

Ride a bike

I love to ride my bike, but I enjoy cruising around my neighborhood. I don’t need to go on a trail or be in a race. Summer is a time to move a little slower, so I am never in a hurry on my bike.

Go for a swim

You don’t have to do laps to reap the benefits of swimming. Swim around, play pool volleyball, float on your back, or do tricks off the diving board.

Jump rope

This is actually a very effective workout. See how many times you can jump without the rope hitting your legs. Have competitions with friends.

Play on the playground

Swinging, running up the stairs of the slides, and doing the other activities can be a workout. Use benches to do pushups or triceps dips.

Play a childhood game

What games did you play when you were little? I played red light, green light, kick the can, dodge ball, hide and seek, and tag. Have some friends over and play the games from your childhood.

If you watch children, they rarely walk everywhere. They are running or skipping, and they are ready to play any game. Make your exercise something you can look forward to doing, and instead of dreading it, you might do it more, and feel better as a result. Have fun!

When we brought our dog Bandit home, I was nervous about whether he would get along with the cats. He was a ball of energy, and the cats are more into lying in the sun and eating treats. Our last dog tolerated the cats until he thought they were in his territory or receiving too much attention. As I walked with Bandit toward the house I thought, “Oh, they are not going to be happy with me.” Bandit chased the smaller cat when he first saw her and she ran, but when he chased the older, bigger cat, Lowkey stood his ground and seemed to be saying, “Dude, what is your problem? You need to bring it down a level.”

It only took about a week for the chasing to stop and I think he was only doing it because he was excited to play. I was so glad that they all got along, and I didn’t expect more than that, but then I noticed something unexpected started to happen. Lowkey and Bandit were becoming friends. I have always wondered if Lowkey thinks he’s a dog, but I still didn’t expect anything beyond tolerance. Let me tell you what I saw.

At first, I noticed Bandit eating his bone and lying next to Lowkey in the sun, but then I saw that Lowkey had decided to groom Bandit’s head. Bandit had such a look of pleasure on his face while lowkey licked his head. Lowkey would stop and Bandit would stick his head back under Lowkey. If Lowkey refused Bandit would lift his paw to get his attention, and then Lowkey would swat him as something sweet turned ugly. It was a love, hate relationship for a while, but they have since worked out the bathing details.

In the morning, when I let Bandit out of his crate, Lowkey saunters into the room to say hello, and I have to make sure to give attention to both.

When one decides to get a drink of water, the other instantly comes over to share a drink. I love coming into a room to see them looking out the window together. I never thought I would see a friendship between these two.  

Any relationship can take some work, and you have to invest some time for it to grow, but even though there are occasional rough spots, there are some red flags that are signs that maybe this relationship is not healthy for you. Here are my top ten.

It feels difficult

As I said, every relationship takes some work, and you can have disagreements, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore to be with someone.

You feel controlled

Does the other person in the relationship fix/change everything you do because his way is the right way? Is only one person allowed to make decisions, and it isn’t you?  

You do not feel valued

When you are treated with condescension, derision, or hatefulness that does not translate to love or friendship.

There is a lack of trust

In a good relationship, you should be able to trust each other. If you are checking each other’s phones or waiting for someone to slip up and reveal a secret, it might not be the relationship for you. Not being honest with each other is a bad sign.

You feel like you are in competition

A good relationship should involve mutual support. Some fun competitiveness is fine, but when it becomes hateful, it’s a red flag.

You do not feel supported  

When your friend or partner does not support your dreams or passions, and might even be happier if you failed, that is a red flag.

Runners have a different way of looking at life. You will hear people say the following to runners; “You are crazy.” “You are not normal.” Runners see life and its ups and downs just as they see training; it is a proving ground and a chance to figure out how to rise above any challenge to the rewards waiting at the end. Here are some examples of the way a runner thinks.

There is a 15k next weekend, but Sally has not run more than four miles all week. A normal person would say “I have not trained for this; I’ll work at running more and do the next 15k in a month or two.” This would be a normal response but because Sally is a runner she says “15K? No training? Why not? No problem!” There is a can-do attitude among runners, a gritty I can do anything mentality.

The biggest difference between runners and nonrunners centers on injuries. Most people would say that they need to rest to heal whatever is injured. A runner does not see an injury as a need to stop but rather as a bump in the road that needs to be overcome. That’s why most runners have compression sleeves/socks/bands/ athletic tape and rollers of every variety. It’s not that we don’t want to let our bodies heal; we just don’t want to lose the result of all the hard work that we have already invested.

Although all runners would really like to be that person who finishes when most people are starting mile two, the truth is that runners see the real inspiration at the back of the pack. We admire that person who is struggling just to run at all because it takes courage and grit to start running and it takes, even more, to do it in a public forum surrounded by some of the fittest people in the county.

Runners always think they could have done better. Listen to the conversations after a race and see how many people are saying a version of if I had only done things differently scenario. Runners have goals that are constantly shifting and often becoming more demanding. They want to see growth or improvement.

Runners are some of the nicest people you will meet but they lie. I am guilty of saying “I think I am going to go nice and slow today. Do not believe this for a minute! Runners are the most competitive people on the planet. The go-slow today comment is to ensure that if the runner does not do well, he can just say that he was going slowly. Also do not believe the ploy that some runners use about having an injury, chances are that everything is in working order!

When runners are running distance, they are thinking about all the things that they would like to eat, nothing profound, just food!

Distance runners are the hardest for nonrunners to understand. When I started to do ultra-marathons, my family said, “You want to do how many miles?” When they saw the blisters, the black toe, and missing toenails, they looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Running distance is an exploration of what your body can do. I have learned a lot about how to fuel my body and become stronger.

If you love a runner, just understand that we are wonderful people to be around, but you sometimes have to struggle in order to figure us out!

Special pets

Animals enrich our lives, they become our companions, our confidants, and we consider them members of our families. I have loved all of my pets, but several were extraordinary and will always stand out for me. I am so thankful that I had more than one pet that people describe as a once-in-a-lifetime animal.

The greatest gift my parents gave me after I was born was bringing home a puppy that was close to my age. We grew up together and she was with me for thirteen years. Queenie was always there when I was sad, or when I needed someone to go explore the woods behind our house. She was gentle, loving, and funny. I’m not sure what noxious experience caused this, but if you made a sound like passing gas, Queenie would have a horrified look on her face, and then she would sprint away. When she became overexcited, she would run circles around the house at a sprint. She was a wonderful friend.

Shortly after we were married, my mother-in-law told us she had rescued a kitten. The first time I saw it, I fell in love with him. He looked like a tiny ball of fluff, with hair sticking out everywhere. I said he looked like a poof ball, and that is how he was named Poofy. My mother-in-law saw how much I liked him, and she offered him to me. The only problem with that was my husband was very allergic to pet dander. I was surprised when he encouraged me to take him, and despite a lot of sneezing, I know he was as glad as I was that we took poofy. Poofy had something wrong with his voice box, so instead of a normal meow, he made a small squeak. He was super loving and always wanted to be where we were. He would lie on your chest waiting for you to wake up, and the minute you did he would lick your nose, then touch your face with his paw, but he never scratched anyone.

After not having a dog for a while, I told my husband that I would like to get a dog because I thought it was important for our children to have animals. (They were 8 and 5) He agreed that I could go to the pound while he was away on business and pick out a dog. We wandered down the rows looking at the dogs, and suddenly on the last row, I knew I had found my dog. Leo was a Collie, German Shepherd mix. He was a big dog and he looked so sad sitting in his cage. I whispered to him, “I’m taking you home buddy. Don’t worry” I took him into the bonding room. The man who brought him in said, “Are you sure you want him? All he does is lay around all day.” I didn’t want to be unkind, but I couldn’t help but wonder what he expected from an animal in a cage. I did notice though that anytime anyone approached Leo, he hung his head. I was heading towards the front to check out when the neighbor who had come with us called me into the puppy room. She said, “Jen, you have to see this dog.” The dog she was holding in her arms was one of the most beautiful dogs I have ever seen. Lacey was a cross between a Collie and a Chow Chow. When I held her, she turned her head into me and snuggled. That is how I came home with both Lacey and Leo. They were a dynamic duo. Leo protected her from the start, once even chasing away a stray that was becoming aggressive. They were partners in crime, even being sprayed together by a skunk. Leo was terrified of storms and would try to push his 90-pound body under the couch. Our vet told us that Leo had probably been abused. It took him two years to not hang his head when someone came toward him. They were amazing dogs.

The cat we have now is just as special as poufy was. He is bigger than your average cat and has to shimmy through the cat door. He loves being petted and being wherever you are. We recently came back from vacation, and he greeted us as enthusiastically as our dog did. In the morning, when I am letting the dog out of the crate, he saunters over to give the dog his morning greeting, and after lunch, he gives the dog’s head a bath.

The dog we have now will bring us full circle because once again he is a Collie. After our last dog died and we were finally ready to start thinking about another dog, I was wondering where should I go to get one. A voice in my head said, “It will come to you.” Several months later, I was running in the neighborhood when my neighbor stopped me and said she was going to rescue a puppy. I asked to see a picture and when I saw it was a Border Collie, I asked if we could meet it when she came back. We took him straight home and began not only training a puppy but also trying to keep up with the energy of a Border Collie. His favorite thing is to find the biggest stick he can and then subdue it. He works magic for our family dynamic, and I know what a blessing he is.

Have you had an animal that was special? What are your favorite memories?

Lately, I have noticed that my cat has her priorities in better order than I do. Let me give you a few examples of the differences between us.

I find at least ten things to do before I sit down for breakfast, while my cat thinks breakfast is a necessary start to the day. She protests loudly until I fill her dish.

I have to be careful not to eat too many treats, but my cat meows whenever I am close to her favorite goodies. She doesn’t think limiting her intake is a good idea.

I make exercise a daily routine while she does the same with naps. She feels that moving too quickly at any time might upset her digestion.

While I sometimes need a moment to myself at the end of the day, she perceives this time as the moment to curl her 15 pounds on my lap and demand to be petted. She can be three rooms away and somehow know when I have sat down on the couch.

While I have trouble sitting still for long, my cat knows the importance of lounging in the sun.

I find time once a day to take a shower, but my cat thinks cleanliness is important enough to bathe after every meal.

My cat knows how to make family members feel special. If one of us sits down on the floor, she rubs against us, circles us while purring, and makes us feel as if we are the most important people in her life. I need to focus more on that.

We could all learn some lessons from the animals in our lives. Good food, rest, and surrounding ourselves with good people all sound like great priorities.