My children like to say which parent gave them certain traits and characteristics. All three of my children suffer from different levels of anxiety and they correctly point the finger at me for passing it on to them. My husband is easygoing, he doesn’t worry about much, and I would describe the way he deals with his day as he takes what the day gives him and does his best with it. I am jealous of him because I can worry about anything, be nervous about what I say and do, and generally fight anxiety. My animals know how to calm me though.

I have two cats and a dog, and I am so blessed to have them because they are loving and full of personality. They make me laugh and they make me feel peaceful. Here are a few examples of how they help me.

I am wired to be productive or to feel guilty that I am not doing enough. That means that from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I am doing something, and not sitting still for long. I know I should rest more, but the minute I do, I start to think about what I should be doing. My cats are helping me start my morning a little slower because when I come into the kitchen, they both come running and asking for my attention. I have started to take a few minutes each morning to sit with them while they curl up next to me and purr. It calms me down to take a few minutes before my day starts. When I let my dog out of his crate, he doesn’t bolt for the door, he comes straight to me, licks my face, and rolls over so I can rub his belly. His loving personality calms me too. When I take him out, he waits at the top of the stairs for me with that look of, “C’mon, adventure awaits!”.

When I sit down to work, my office has three animals who want to be in the same room as me. I hear Bandit crunching on a bone, Lowkey is snoring, and Sophie is lying on her back in the sun. It is calming to know they are all keeping me company.

When I sit down at night to read, or watch television, I have to become situated quickly because Bandit will be dropping the tennis ball at my feet to throw, and the cats will be climbing into my lap. It is a quiet, calm way to end the day. Thank goodness for the calm that animals can bring to our lives.  

I have been married for forty years. It has not always been an easy adventure, but I would pick the same man again in a heartbeat. I have felt every emotion and become stronger through both the trials and the love. I know I have learned a great deal about maintaining a positive relationship. Allow me to share a few of these thoughts with you.

Don’t rush into marriage

Take your time to get to know your partner before you are married. My husband and I waited for two years until we were done with college and had begun our jobs. Become friends first before you become life partners.

Talk about the deal breakers

There are certain topics you should discuss before marriage. Some of those are money and how you will manage it, do you want children, religion, and living arrangements. You don’t want to have a surprise deal-breaker where you realize you never discussed how you felt about it.

Support your partner

I am always sad when I hear someone denigrating a partner in public. You should be able to feel that when everyone else seems against you, your partner will be your support. If you don’t agree on something, discuss it together in private. Don’t humiliate the person you profess to love. Encourage them to pursue dreams and passions.

Don’t expect to change your partner

Don’t marry someone as if he is a fixer-upper. You should love your partner for who he is, not who he could be.

Learn to compromise and pick your battles

Marriage involves a give and take. Sometimes you have to compromise. Also, realize that every issue is not a capital offense. Know when to plant the flag, and when to calmly talk it out.

Make time to date each other

You need time to date each other and spend time having fun. We have a date night each week, and we still love spending time with each other.

Build and maintain trust

Be honest with each other. Secrets are never good for a marriage.

Laugh together

There is no greater medicine than laughter. Have fun together and see the humor around you.

Apologize when you are wrong

I’m sorry is not always easy to say, but it can be very healing.

Exercise doesn’t have to be a chore. What if we see it more as playing instead of exercising? If we can find something we enjoy doing, maybe we can do it more consistently, and therefore see more benefits. The summer allows us to be outside more, and to be more active. Here are ten easy ways to exercise so that you will have fun but keep moving.

Pickleball

This sport combines elements of tennis, badminton, and ping-pong. It is easy for beginners to learn, it’s fun, and you can get a great workout. Here is a quick description of the sport.

Walk the dog

Why not multitask by taking out the dog and getting your exercise at the same time? Walk around the neighborhood and catch up with the neighbors while you burn some calories. Take a few extra laps because it is so beautiful out.

Dance in the kitchen

You can dance in any room with enough space to move, but in my house, it was always the kitchen. Put on some upbeat music and danse around the room. You will be breathless in no time. There is also something about dancing that puts you in a good mood.

Play frisbee

Where I live, disc golf has become hugely popular. There is a nearby park with a disc golf course and it is always crowded. You can also just throw the Frisbee to your dog, your friend, or just practice your technique by yourself.

Have a water balloon battle

You can divide into teams or play every man for himself. Make rules or play with none. It’s a chance to run around, laugh, and cool off.

Ride a bike

I love to ride my bike, but I enjoy cruising around my neighborhood. I don’t need to go on a trail or be in a race. Summer is a time to move a little slower, so I am never in a hurry on my bike.

Go for a swim

You don’t have to do laps to reap the benefits of swimming. Swim around, play pool volleyball, float on your back, or do tricks off the diving board.

Jump rope

This is actually a very effective workout. See how many times you can jump without the rope hitting your legs. Have competitions with friends.

Play on the playground

Swinging, running up the stairs of the slides, and doing the other activities can be a workout. Use benches to do pushups or triceps dips.

Play a childhood game

What games did you play when you were little? I played red light, green light, kick the can, dodge ball, hide and seek, and tag. Have some friends over and play the games from your childhood.

If you watch children, they rarely walk everywhere. They are running or skipping, and they are ready to play any game. Make your exercise something you can look forward to doing, and instead of dreading it, you might do it more, and feel better as a result. Have fun!

When we brought our dog Bandit home, I was nervous about whether he would get along with the cats. He was a ball of energy, and the cats are more into lying in the sun and eating treats. Our last dog tolerated the cats until he thought they were in his territory or receiving too much attention. As I walked with Bandit toward the house I thought, “Oh, they are not going to be happy with me.” Bandit chased the smaller cat when he first saw her and she ran, but when he chased the older, bigger cat, Lowkey stood his ground and seemed to be saying, “Dude, what is your problem? You need to bring it down a level.”

It only took about a week for the chasing to stop and I think he was only doing it because he was excited to play. I was so glad that they all got along, and I didn’t expect more than that, but then I noticed something unexpected started to happen. Lowkey and Bandit were becoming friends. I have always wondered if Lowkey thinks he’s a dog, but I still didn’t expect anything beyond tolerance. Let me tell you what I saw.

At first, I noticed Bandit eating his bone and lying next to Lowkey in the sun, but then I saw that Lowkey had decided to groom Bandit’s head. Bandit had such a look of pleasure on his face while lowkey licked his head. Lowkey would stop and Bandit would stick his head back under Lowkey. If Lowkey refused Bandit would lift his paw to get his attention, and then Lowkey would swat him as something sweet turned ugly. It was a love, hate relationship for a while, but they have since worked out the bathing details.

In the morning, when I let Bandit out of his crate, Lowkey saunters into the room to say hello, and I have to make sure to give attention to both.

When one decides to get a drink of water, the other instantly comes over to share a drink. I love coming into a room to see them looking out the window together. I never thought I would see a friendship between these two.  

Any relationship can take some work, and you have to invest some time for it to grow, but even though there are occasional rough spots, there are some red flags that are signs that maybe this relationship is not healthy for you. Here are my top ten.

It feels difficult

As I said, every relationship takes some work, and you can have disagreements, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore to be with someone.

You feel controlled

Does the other person in the relationship fix/change everything you do because his way is the right way? Is only one person allowed to make decisions, and it isn’t you?  

You do not feel valued

When you are treated with condescension, derision, or hatefulness that does not translate to love or friendship.

There is a lack of trust

In a good relationship, you should be able to trust each other. If you are checking each other’s phones or waiting for someone to slip up and reveal a secret, it might not be the relationship for you. Not being honest with each other is a bad sign.

You feel like you are in competition

A good relationship should involve mutual support. Some fun competitiveness is fine, but when it becomes hateful, it’s a red flag.

You do not feel supported  

When your friend or partner does not support your dreams or passions, and might even be happier if you failed, that is a red flag.

Runners have a different way of looking at life. You will hear people say the following to runners; “You are crazy.” “You are not normal.” Runners see life and its ups and downs just as they see training; it is a proving ground and a chance to figure out how to rise above any challenge to the rewards waiting at the end. Here are some examples of the way a runner thinks.

There is a 15k next weekend, but Sally has not run more than four miles all week. A normal person would say “I have not trained for this; I’ll work at running more and do the next 15k in a month or two.” This would be a normal response but because Sally is a runner she says “15K? No training? Why not? No problem!” There is a can-do attitude among runners, a gritty I can do anything mentality.

The biggest difference between runners and nonrunners centers on injuries. Most people would say that they need to rest to heal whatever is injured. A runner does not see an injury as a need to stop but rather as a bump in the road that needs to be overcome. That’s why most runners have compression sleeves/socks/bands/ athletic tape and rollers of every variety. It’s not that we don’t want to let our bodies heal; we just don’t want to lose the result of all the hard work that we have already invested.

Although all runners would really like to be that person who finishes when most people are starting mile two, the truth is that runners see the real inspiration at the back of the pack. We admire that person who is struggling just to run at all because it takes courage and grit to start running and it takes, even more, to do it in a public forum surrounded by some of the fittest people in the county.

Runners always think they could have done better. Listen to the conversations after a race and see how many people are saying a version of if I had only done things differently scenario. Runners have goals that are constantly shifting and often becoming more demanding. They want to see growth or improvement.

Runners are some of the nicest people you will meet but they lie. I am guilty of saying “I think I am going to go nice and slow today. Do not believe this for a minute! Runners are the most competitive people on the planet. The go-slow today comment is to ensure that if the runner does not do well, he can just say that he was going slowly. Also do not believe the ploy that some runners use about having an injury, chances are that everything is in working order!

When runners are running distance, they are thinking about all the things that they would like to eat, nothing profound, just food!

Distance runners are the hardest for nonrunners to understand. When I started to do ultra-marathons, my family said, “You want to do how many miles?” When they saw the blisters, the black toe, and missing toenails, they looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Running distance is an exploration of what your body can do. I have learned a lot about how to fuel my body and become stronger.

If you love a runner, just understand that we are wonderful people to be around, but you sometimes have to struggle in order to figure us out!

Special pets

Animals enrich our lives, they become our companions, our confidants, and we consider them members of our families. I have loved all of my pets, but several were extraordinary and will always stand out for me. I am so thankful that I had more than one pet that people describe as a once-in-a-lifetime animal.

The greatest gift my parents gave me after I was born was bringing home a puppy that was close to my age. We grew up together and she was with me for thirteen years. Queenie was always there when I was sad, or when I needed someone to go explore the woods behind our house. She was gentle, loving, and funny. I’m not sure what noxious experience caused this, but if you made a sound like passing gas, Queenie would have a horrified look on her face, and then she would sprint away. When she became overexcited, she would run circles around the house at a sprint. She was a wonderful friend.

Shortly after we were married, my mother-in-law told us she had rescued a kitten. The first time I saw it, I fell in love with him. He looked like a tiny ball of fluff, with hair sticking out everywhere. I said he looked like a poof ball, and that is how he was named Poofy. My mother-in-law saw how much I liked him, and she offered him to me. The only problem with that was my husband was very allergic to pet dander. I was surprised when he encouraged me to take him, and despite a lot of sneezing, I know he was as glad as I was that we took poofy. Poofy had something wrong with his voice box, so instead of a normal meow, he made a small squeak. He was super loving and always wanted to be where we were. He would lie on your chest waiting for you to wake up, and the minute you did he would lick your nose, then touch your face with his paw, but he never scratched anyone.

After not having a dog for a while, I told my husband that I would like to get a dog because I thought it was important for our children to have animals. (They were 8 and 5) He agreed that I could go to the pound while he was away on business and pick out a dog. We wandered down the rows looking at the dogs, and suddenly on the last row, I knew I had found my dog. Leo was a Collie, German Shepherd mix. He was a big dog and he looked so sad sitting in his cage. I whispered to him, “I’m taking you home buddy. Don’t worry” I took him into the bonding room. The man who brought him in said, “Are you sure you want him? All he does is lay around all day.” I didn’t want to be unkind, but I couldn’t help but wonder what he expected from an animal in a cage. I did notice though that anytime anyone approached Leo, he hung his head. I was heading towards the front to check out when the neighbor who had come with us called me into the puppy room. She said, “Jen, you have to see this dog.” The dog she was holding in her arms was one of the most beautiful dogs I have ever seen. Lacey was a cross between a Collie and a Chow Chow. When I held her, she turned her head into me and snuggled. That is how I came home with both Lacey and Leo. They were a dynamic duo. Leo protected her from the start, once even chasing away a stray that was becoming aggressive. They were partners in crime, even being sprayed together by a skunk. Leo was terrified of storms and would try to push his 90-pound body under the couch. Our vet told us that Leo had probably been abused. It took him two years to not hang his head when someone came toward him. They were amazing dogs.

The cat we have now is just as special as poufy was. He is bigger than your average cat and has to shimmy through the cat door. He loves being petted and being wherever you are. We recently came back from vacation, and he greeted us as enthusiastically as our dog did. In the morning, when I am letting the dog out of the crate, he saunters over to give the dog his morning greeting, and after lunch, he gives the dog’s head a bath.

The dog we have now will bring us full circle because once again he is a Collie. After our last dog died and we were finally ready to start thinking about another dog, I was wondering where should I go to get one. A voice in my head said, “It will come to you.” Several months later, I was running in the neighborhood when my neighbor stopped me and said she was going to rescue a puppy. I asked to see a picture and when I saw it was a Border Collie, I asked if we could meet it when she came back. We took him straight home and began not only training a puppy but also trying to keep up with the energy of a Border Collie. His favorite thing is to find the biggest stick he can and then subdue it. He works magic for our family dynamic, and I know what a blessing he is.

Have you had an animal that was special? What are your favorite memories?

Lately, I have noticed that my cat has her priorities in better order than I do. Let me give you a few examples of the differences between us.

I find at least ten things to do before I sit down for breakfast, while my cat thinks breakfast is a necessary start to the day. She protests loudly until I fill her dish.

I have to be careful not to eat too many treats, but my cat meows whenever I am close to her favorite goodies. She doesn’t think limiting her intake is a good idea.

I make exercise a daily routine while she does the same with naps. She feels that moving too quickly at any time might upset her digestion.

While I sometimes need a moment to myself at the end of the day, she perceives this time as the moment to curl her 15 pounds on my lap and demand to be petted. She can be three rooms away and somehow know when I have sat down on the couch.

While I have trouble sitting still for long, my cat knows the importance of lounging in the sun.

I find time once a day to take a shower, but my cat thinks cleanliness is important enough to bathe after every meal.

My cat knows how to make family members feel special. If one of us sits down on the floor, she rubs against us, circles us while purring, and makes us feel as if we are the most important people in her life. I need to focus more on that.

We could all learn some lessons from the animals in our lives. Good food, rest, and surrounding ourselves with good people all sound like great priorities.  

Feeling loved is a basic need and finding the right partner to share that love can make an amazing difference in a life. Unfortunately, many people struggle to find the love they need. There are numerous dating sites to help people find their special person, but they come with issues too and there is no guarantee that there will be a connection.

I enjoy hearing people’s love stories, and a recurrent theme is that love showed up unexpectedly. This is what happened to my husband and me. I was dating someone seriously when I left for a junior year abroad. When I returned, I found out that he had been cheating on me. I dated two more men and was disappointed by both. I decided that I needed to take a break from dating when a good friend told me her friend John wanted to take me out to dinner. When we went out, I had no thoughts of anything serious happening, but we had an instant connection. Have you ever felt like you have known someone forever from the first time you meet them? That’s how I felt. I knew within four days that he was the one, and that was forty years ago.

I don’t think you can force love. It has its own timing. I had a friend who wanted to marry and have children and she felt that she was running out of time to have a family. She would ask me why she couldn’t find the right man, and I would tell her that there was nothing wrong with her, it depended on the right timing. I understood she was very impatient, but that impatience led her into a few toxic relationships.

Don’t give up if love hasn’t found you yet, or if you thought you found the right relationship, and it did not turn out well. We have all heard stories of couples who have struggled in love, but then find the perfect person for them, usually, when they least expect it.

The amazing dog we have right now was brought to us by my friend and neighbor Lynn. Lynn is also a dog trainer, and I cannot tell you what a benefit that has been as we train Bandit. Lynn has taught me things that I never knew before about dogs, and one of the training points she keeps stressing to me is I have to train Bandit to be safe. I would love to share the safety training she has taught me as well as a few I made up myself.

Waiting to leave the crate

This is my first time using a crate with a dog, but I now see all the benefits. Teach your dog to wait for the command to leave the crate. Don’t let him leave the minute you open it. You are doing this to teach him not to leave a crate or a car without your permission. We take Bandit to a park where the parking is near a busy road, so it’s important for him not to jump out right away.

To teach this, open the crate door a little, and as the dog starts to leave, close it again. Keep doing it until the dog doesn’t try to leave then pick your command. Lynn says break and I say come.

Leave it

You want to teach the dog to only take food that is offered to him, so if medication or something else harmful to him, he won’t eat it. It is also good if you have other animals, you can keep him from eating their food.

Start by putting a treat in your hand and closing your fist. Open your fist, then close it before the dog can take the treat. Keep doing it until the dog doesn’t try to take it, then say, “Get it!” and let him have it. When you give him a bowl of food, put your hand over it, wait, and then say, “Get it!”

Run

I started this one because if we are ever in a dangerous situation (copperhead), I want to be able to get Bandit to safety.

I started by keeping him at my side, then just before I throw the Frisbee, I yell, “run!” I don’t know if you have ever seen a Border Collie run, but it is impressive.

Stay with me

We have an older dog next to us with a bad back and our neighbor is nervous about Bandit playing with him, so when we go out and Joey is in the front yard, I say, “Stay with me.” I didn’t do anything except say this each time we were near Joey. My dog is smarter than I am, and the ability to read the room (know joey is too old to play) is crazy.

Easy

I say this when I take Bandit down the steps with the leash. We usually let him tear down them, but if a stranger is near, I don’t want to scare her.

I also say this when my baby grandson is over, but I know I don’t need to say anything. He is so gentle with him.

Come

Bandit likes to run into the far reaches of the backyard, but when he hears me say come, he sprints back.

To your bed

I bought a training bed and taught him to go to it in case there was ever a time I need him to lie down out of the way.

The crate

Bandit never had a problem going in his crate because Lynn told me to make it sound like going in there was the best thing in the world, and he knows some treats are coming.

I hope this helps. There are so many more things you can teach your dog. Have fun!