You probably think I am talking about wanting to be more positive, but that isn’t the attitude I have a problem with. I want to learn to worry less, not care so much about what others think, and be content with whatever each day offers me instead of always thinking I should have done more or better.

My husband and my friend Raleigh have the attitude I envy. Neither of them has ever wondered if he should have said something different, or worried about what someone else thinks of them. I call this the oh well attitude. “She doesn’t like my jokes?” “Oh, well.” “He doesn’t like the way I dress?” “Oh, well.” They don’t care what anyone else thinks because they feel good about who they are.

When I tell my husband that I am upset about something hateful someone has said, he always gives me the look that says he is baffled by my reaction, and he says, “Why do you care?” I then realize that once again he is right. I need to worry less about what people think because we all have our flaws.

Another attitude I love is when I ask my husband what he is going to do on Saturday and Sunday. His answer is always the same. He will say, “Whatever the day allows me to do.” I have a long list of what I want to accomplish, and I spend both days running around, stressed out, trying to finish tasks while my husband is slowly working his way through things and enjoying the day. Raleigh is the same way. He is never in a hurry, he is usually humming, and he is enjoying the day. I obviously have a lot to learn from both of them.   

If you think of life as a highway that we are traveling down, you will want to keep moving forward to see what great adventure or opportunity is around the next curve. Unfortunately, we sometimes hit some unexpected bumps in the road, we might run out of gas, our car might break down, we could become lost, or we veer off the main road and head down a path that looks more fun only to find out we should have stayed on the first path. We might pick up some travelers and drop some off on our trip, be disappointed by others, and finish our journey with a few still with us. How do we keep moving forward through all of that? Here are a few ideas.

Managing the bumps

We would all love for life to always flow smoothly, but the truth is we learn more from the bumps. We learn to be resilient and to have a good attitude. Have a good sense of humor when you experience a small twist to daily life and keep moving forward.

Discouragement

We all feel discouragement at some time. If you are like me, you might be making the situation bigger than it is. Find the positives that you have accomplished and realize that you can be and do anything you want to do. Keep moving forward.

Setbacks

I consider setbacks a step above discouragement. Setbacks for me take more for me to recover. I had trained for months for an ultra-marathon, but the weekend before I was rushed to the hospital with an irregular heartbeat. The next week, I went in for a regular cleaning and was told I needed to go to a specialist for my tooth, and the next day I twisted my knee. I had to do some self-talk to convince myself these are all temporary setbacks, and I will keep moving forward.

Feeling lost

I love Kenny Chesney’s song, You Save Me. The opening line is, every now and then, I feel a little lost. Don’t we all feel like that at some point? Find some inspiration and keep moving forward.

Interactions

Interacting with people can be rough. You have to understand that there are so many ways of perceiving the same situation and that doesn’t mean yours is wrong. The question on a morning news show was how many friends does a person need? My husband, daughter, and I yelled out at once, “One good one!” Deal with all the personalities and keep moving forward.

They are a great way to meet new people

Animals are great conversation starters. Everyone wants to pet them and know their names, and there is usually a story behind them. It is an easy way to get to know someone.

They keep us active

Most animals need to go outside and have some exercise which means we need to be active too. Interacting and playing with them keeps us moving too.

They provide emotional support

They need our love and attention, and they give it right back to us.

They make us laugh

The antics of animals can make you laugh until your stomach hurts, and laughter is the best medicine.

They keep us engaged

Animals give us something to focus on when we might be depressed or anxious. They depend on us to take care of them, and that gives us something to invest in doing.

We will know the neighbors

If you have a dog like mine, you will have apologized many times to the neighbors for various reasons, but your neighbors probably enjoy your animals as much as you do. One of our cats is best friends with the Beagle next door. When the dog comes out, our cat hurries over and rubs against him to say hello.

They become our families

Our animals are part of our families, and they consider us their families too.

They give us memories

Even when our pets pass too soon, we always have the cherished memories that they have given us. We can look back at pictures and videos and remember how many great times we had together.

We hear all the time about the typical distractions. We are warned not to let social media, gaming, and our phone, in general, take up too much of our time. We can become distracted by watching too much television or Netflix. Are there other distractions though that we don’t even realize are distractions? Aren’t those the most dangerous because we don’t even recognize them for what they are?

The definition of a distraction is something that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else, or a mental intrusion. What are the distractions in your life? Here are a few of the distractions that can cause you to lose your focus. They might be things that you don’t even realize are distractions.

Negative self-talk

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself or about yourself. Do you tear yourself down, and use demeaning language like, “I am so stupid. “or “Of course, I did it wrong.”? The negative language is holding you back and making you feel less than because if you say something enough, you will believe it, and the negative language is distracting you from being all you could be.

Every time you think a negative thought about yourself, change it to a positive. Start your thoughts with I am, or I can, and finish with a positive. You are a rockstar, so start talking to yourself like one. You will feel more confident and happier, and that will make you more productive.

Toxic people

I have wasted too much time in my life thinking about toxic people and allowing them to wreak havoc with my emotions. Toxic people can be hateful, they can be people who have an unhealthy need to compete with you, they can be friends who turn out not to be, and they can just be people who make your life unpleasant.

Toxic people can be a major distraction if you let them, but you can decide not to allow them to affect you. They hate being ignored and not seeing a reaction from us. Distance yourself from the person if you can, let the emotions they cause you go, and experience the freedom you will feel when you don’t have the feeling of conflict or that person in your life. When you continually replay the negative interactions in your mind, it is a distraction keeping you from doing something more constructive. Here is an example I experienced.

As a runner, I see healthy competition when two people push each other to be better, but neither one is really upset when the other person comes in first. It is only a fun way to compete. I have also seen unhealthy competition where someone wants to beat you in a race because she thinks it proves she is better than you in some way. A former friend who betrayed our friendship long ago has been showing signs of unhealthy competition for several years at a race series we both go to. At a recent race, I decided I was done with the whole situation. I was going to move on, and although she would never be my friend again, I would be cordial to her. When she was running next to me, I said, “Good job.” And I stopped running and let her go by me. I wanted her to know that I really didn’t care if she won or not. It might sound silly, but that moment felt amazing. That situation was no longer going to be a distraction for me.

Drama

Most of us know at least one person who loves drama. She loves to hear about the scandal, she enjoys talking about everyone behind their backs and stirring the pot of trouble. The thing is, it takes more than one person to cause drama, so you can choose not to engage.

I have a friend who is a drama queen, but she also has so many wonderful qualities. I couldn’t stand any more of the drama and negativity, so one day I told her I was walking away from any more drama. If that was what she needed to do, she would have to enjoy drama on her own, and although I valued her friendship, it would have to be drama free. Part of eliminating distractions is setting healthy boundaries.

Worry

My youngest is very anxious, and it hurts my heart to see her worry about everything. If something goes wrong, it is difficult for her to accept a solution without exhausting every possible what-if scenario. I tell her that worrying is wasted energy and a huge distraction and a cause of stress, but it is difficult for her to not do it. I have to use a distraction to move her away from what is distracting her.

Health issues

When we have injuries or health issues, it is easy to become discouraged. Even these are distractions from what you are meant to be. Tell yourself you will get through this and be stronger. Don’t give up!

The only thing I knew about Border Collies before we brought our dog Bandit home was that they are herding dogs. If anyone had reminded me what living with any puppy is like, and how much energy a Border Collie has, I probably would have said we were not the right family for him, but If I had done that, I would have missed out on a dog of a lifetime.

Have you ever noticed that the best things in life happen when you least expect them? We had lost a dog that we had for many years several months before we decided on Bandit, and my husband had cried for several days. After several months, I wanted to find a new dog, but I wasn’t sure where to go because access to the pound was still limited because of Covid. A voice in my head said, “It will come to you.” I thought that was a little odd, but that is exactly what happened. I was out running when my neighbor Lynne said she was going to rescue a dog that a couple had purchased as an emotional support dog, but the wife had hurt her leg and the dog had too much energy. The dog was four months old and free. I asked to see a photo and then told Lynne I was going to ask my husband about taking him. You have to know that in all of our married life my husband is famous for saying no when I ask for a new animal. My children call him Mr. no. Luckily, several dogs and cats have slipped through the cracks. I really expected him to say no to Bandit, but he said he would look at him.

When Lynne returned, we went to meet her. Bandit jumped out of the car and went straight to me. I was lost from the first touch, and I put on the leash without even asking my husband what he thought. I didn’t even realize what I did, but my husband reminded me several days later. The odd thing is though, I was ready to give him back during the first few days because of his energy and intelligence. I wasn’t sure I could give him what he needed, but it was my husband who talked me into keeping him. Mr. No saw Bandit’s potential.

Bandit is a year old now, so let me tell you what we see. He has more energy than any dog I have ever had. It isn’t a matter of maybe we should let him run now and then, he has to run out that energy. He is a master at catching the Frisbee, and he loves finding ginormous branches in the woods, and then subduing them while growling. My oldest saw him in action and said, “Mom, what is he doing?” I said, “He is conquering that stick!” I find reasons to make him run up and down the stairs as often as possible to release some of the energy.

He needs tasks. We have taught him commands and he loves to practice what you want him to do. He likes routines. In the morning, we go out to play Frisbee and chase sticks, then he fetches the paper, and we go for breakfast. He loves interactive toys like food puzzles, but his favorite is one our neighbor told us about. It is an animal house with windows and an open house. We have had the squirrel house and the bear log. You put the animals in the house, throw it to the dog, and the dog has to get them out.

Bandit and my grandson were born a week apart and I hope they will be great friends. They are so gentle with each other. Parker gives Bandit snacks which Bandit gently takes from his hand, and Parker throws the tennis ball to Bandit. (It doesn’t go very far right now!) Yesterday, Bandit brushed against him while running by, and knocked him down, but Bandit turned around immediately and licked him as if to say, “Dude, I am so sorry!”

He is loving and gentle. He snuggles with the cats, and they groom him. When he first comes out of his crate he wants to be rubbed and show us some love. I swear he understands what I say to him.

He helps my husband stay active because my husband is always looking for new places to take him for walks.

I asked my husband if he was happy we had brought Bandit home, and he said that he could be a challenge, but he thinks we have a very special dog. I know what an amazing blessing he is.

I was speaking to a friend who told me she recently started running, and she hadn’t started before because she didn’t think she would be able to do it. When I asked why she felt that way, she said, “I felt like it was beyond my ability. It seemed impossible to me.” Another friend has told me several times that she wants to do a 5k race, (3.1 miles), but when I suggest races we can do, she always has a reason why she cannot do it. I think she is afraid of failure, but the fastest way to make the impossible, possible, is to do it. I know if more people took a chance and saw what a race was like, more people would be hooked on them.

Running is more than a great physical activity. It can help combat eating disorders because it is something you can control and that will help you with a positive body image. It has been shown to help with depression and anxiety because you can set goals, see progress, and gain confidence. Running is healing. Running races also offers you more on the list of why to run. When you do a race you will learn more about the sport, you will hear inspiring stories, and you will be introduced to an amazing community of people. My best friends were people I met at races.

Fear of the unknown might be holding many people back, so I am going to tell you what to expect, how to prepare, and how to complete a 5k, 10k, half-marathon, marathon, and an ultra. There are several other distances, but these are the most common.

The 5K

What to expect

A 5k is a race that covers 3.1 miles. You can run it, walk it, or do a combination of both. To find a race, you can search online at www.active.com, https://runningintheusa.com/race/overview, https://runsignup.com/, or search through google. Register for a race and on race day you will receive a bib with a timing chip that will time you on your run. When you arrive, you will see that there are people of all different fitness levels and ages.

How to prepare

To prepare physically, start running for a minute, then walking for a minute, and keep doing that for about twenty minutes. Each day, see if you can run more than you walk, but don’t overdo it. You want to work up to at least three miles of walking or running. Do some work on your core by doing sit-ups and push-ups, and other strength exercises that you are comfortable doing. After you are more comfortable racing, you can start running hills and doing track workouts to become faster.

You also have to prepare mentally. Build your confidence by telling yourself you are going to do great. Attitude in competition is very important.

How to run it

Tell yourself that you are going to have fun, and you will be running your own race, instead of worrying about what other people are doing. Do not start off too fast when the race starts and keep an even pace so you will have enough energy to make it three miles.

The 10k

What to expect

A 10k is a race that covers 6.2 miles. You can choose to run or walk it, or do a combination, but you have to work on pacing more in this race because it is twice the distance of the 5k. Pacing is the speed at which you are moving.

How to prepare

Increase your mileage so that you will be in shape to cover this distance. You need to at least be running six miles at a time, but I personally like to do at least one run a week that is slightly longer. It makes me feel more confident when I get to the race. You only need to run three to four times a week to feel good running this distance. At this distance, you should start experimenting with nutrition and hydration. You need to find what works for you, but at longer races, I always eat something like a peanut butter sandwich before I start. Find an electrolyte drink that works for you. Practice running at a consistent pace.

How to run it

Pacing is important once you start doing longer races. Start out easy and speed up if you feel comfortable. As you do more races, you can figure out a good pace that works for you. Buying a running watch can help because it will tell you your pace and your heart rate, so you can speed up or slow down if you are trying to maintain a certain pace. Especially when you run in the heat, make sure you are drinking enough water. With longer races, break them up into parts. Instead of thinking I have six miles to run, take it a mile at a time, telling yourself that each mile is bringing you closer to the finish line.

Half-marathon

What to expect

The half-marathon covers 13.1 miles, and while you could probably survive a 5k or 10k race without a lot of training, you should consider putting thought into how you will train for this distance. I have a friend who did her first half without any training and although she crossed the line, it was not a good experience.

How to prepare

There are many mileage plans to prepare for a half, but I have always needed a little flexibility. You will be o.k. if you do at least a seven or eight-mile run at least once a week, but you may want to do at least one run at the full distance so you will be more confident on race day. Find a hydration pack that works for you and train with it or be sure that there will be adequate hydration on the course. Know which form of electrolyte drink will work for you. I cannot drink the usual drinks that are offered, so I experimented and found one that was easy on my stomach. You could be on the course for three hours, so have some form of nutrition for energy tucked in your pack.

How to run it

My friend Sally saved me from not enjoying my first half. I thought it would be a good idea to run it at the speed of a 5k or 10k, but when the start gun sounded and I was about to bolt, Sally grabbed my arm and said, “No, you have to run this slower.” She was so right. Instead of running too fast at the beginning and not having any energy at the end, we ran at an easy pace and enjoyed the run. Many runners at this level carry their own hydration and nutrition, but there is usually at least one aid station with gels. You should use gels as you train because certain brands might upset your stomach, so you need to experiment and find the one that works for you.

Marathon

What to expect

A marathon covers 26.2 miles, and it is a different beast from the other races. This is a race that pulls out all the emotions because it requires planning, hard work, and possibly some sore muscles. You can consider yourself a beast if you get to this level. My husband told me he cried after his first one because it was something he never imagined achieving. I completely understood what he meant when I saw the finish line in sight with my family cheering for me.

Most marathons have several aid stations stocked with whatever you need for hydration and nutrition, but many runners prefer to bring their own.

How to prepare

Unless you are superhuman, you must put some time and effort into preparing for this. I think consistency is also key. I was preparing to do a marathon when my sister became ill, and I had to travel to be with her in the hospital two weeks before the race. I told my husband that I was thinking of not doing the race because of my lack of training at the end, and he said, “It isn’t the two weeks that you haven’t run that will determine this race, it’s all the weeks that you did.”

Many runners believe in running several long runs of at least twenty miles before the marathon. I used to do that, but now I rely on doing a consistent mileage of thirty to forty miles each week. I am not a speed demon, but I can finish the marathon without feeling too sore if I maintain that mileage.

How to run it

At any distance, how you run the race can be personal, but I think at this distance and beyond, that is even more true. Some runners use the run/walk app which tells you when to run and when to walk. Other runners run several miles, then walk one. Some runners run the whole race. The point is that whatever method you use to get from start to finish is fine. Most runners will have to slow down their pace for this distance, at least until they are used to covering that many miles.

The ultra

What to expect

An ultra is any race that covers more than 26.2 miles. Although that sounds crazy to many people, ultras can be more doable than some other races. Loop ultras allow you to set up your gear near the course, and you can stop for a rest whenever you want. They tend to be low-key, and a great place to hear some inspirational stories.

How to prepare

If you are doing a loop ultra and your goal is only to survive, weekly mileage of 30-40 miles will get you there. If you want to be more competitive, you will have to increase the mileage. Preparing for an ultra takes the most effort. Pack your nutrition, hydration, extra clothes, socks, shoes, a first-aid kit, and a headlamp if you are running at night. Your body will react badly if you do not know how to handle these miles, so practice at least one long run.

How to run it

I run ultras very slowly, and I’m never afraid to walk to rest. Sip water continuously and drink some electrolytes every hour. During hours one and two, eat carbs like blocks, or energy gummies, at mile three eat a protein bar, or a peanut butter sandwich. At some point, sit down and eat something for a meal. If your stomach becomes upset, eat ginger candies, or drink soda.

Trail runs

You can find trail runs at every distance and you need to know they are more difficult than running on the road which means your finishing time will probably be slower than you are used to having. Trail running is fun though. If you are like me though, bring the med kit because I can find every root and rock there is!

Races are more than competitions. It is a chance to become stronger, build confidence, see improvements, encourage others, and make great friends. Races are as much social as they are physical. Some general rules to follow are don’t do too much too soon. You should not increase your mileage by more than 10% each week. Listen to your body and do not run through any pain.

Running is as much mental as it is physical. Work on becoming strong mentally with positive visualization, using power phrases during your run, and being determined to achieve the results you want. An example is running hills. Many people look at a hill looming before them and instantly give up. If you see the hill as an opportunity to pass a lot of people and keep telling yourself, “It’s only a hill. I can do this!” it will help you to overcome that feeling of dread every time you see a hill.

                                         

My mother-in-law is an amazing lady. She has supported me many times, and I am lucky to have her in my life. It breaks my heart to see her practically immobile at eighty-four. Her only movement is around her tiny apartment, and she spends most of the day sitting in her chair watching television. Her quality of life is not what you would hope for, but I think the situation would have been different if she had stayed more active both physically and mentally. Here is some evidence, and solutions to back up this statement.   

We need physical activity to build and maintain strong muscles, and if a brain cell is not used, or does not communicate with the cell next door, that brain cell loses its function. You need to use the cells to establish connections and then keep using cells to maintain connections.

Brain stimulating activities help to make this happen. Here are a few ideas that might help to keep your brain active.

Watch a documentary and discuss it with a friend

Take a class for fun.

Read books about something new.

Learn a language.

Learn a new card game.

Learn a new instrument.

Try drawing or painting.    

Activities to keep your body healthy could include going for regular walks with friends, taking classes at the gym, or getting a trainer who will work with you in the comfort of your home. Getting a dog will keep you active both physically and mentally. You will need to take it out for walks and to play with it, and you will have to be creative to keep it engaged.

Remember that what you do now can have an impact on your quality of life later.

I have spent most of my running career worrying more about how other people run their races than how I am going to run mine. Before a race, runners are checking out the competition. We are looking to see who is in our age group and if they look like they could beat us. There is often strategy involved in the race such as when should you pass someone, pacing, and saving enough for the final sprint to the finish line. Competition can be fun if it pushes you to be better, but sometimes it can get in the way of a runner enjoying the experience. It becomes a distraction.

This year, I decided to start racing differently. First, I took the advice of a coach who said to work on improving one thing each time you practice or compete. I pick that one thing before each race and it helps me stay focused. I also decided I was going to start running my own race with the idea of doing the best I could do without worrying about how someone else performed. Now before each race, I tell myself to block out what is happening around me and push myself as hard as I can. This has made a big difference in my motivation and my enjoyment of running.

Running your own race is true in life as well. We are so caught up in worrying about how we measure up in other people’s eyes, that we lose some of our joy. We are worried about people judging us or talking badly about us. No matter how amazing you are, and sometimes because you are amazing, people will judge you. All you can do is your best, so don’t worry what other people think about you. If you are happy and thriving, keep on living your best life in whatever form that might be.

As I walk through my house picking up stray clothes that were left where they were dropped and I scoop up a variety of toys, I wonder how life will be different when my children are no longer living in my house. Here are some possibilities.

I will close the bathroom door and know that within seconds a child will not come busting in followed closely by a dog and two cats.

I will have no excuse to go to the latest children’s movie.

I will pull out a cereal box knowing that there is cereal in it, and someone didn’t stick an empty box in the cupboard because throwing it away was too hard.

I will not go to the grocery store every other day and I will go alone therefore extra items will not mysteriously appear in my cart.

I will not become the referee for arguments where the main argument is “She’s looking at me!”

I will no longer have to lecture on hygiene and have conversations like “I don’t care if you don’t think you smell. You need a bath.”

There will be a strange quiet in the house instead of the beautiful mixture of squabbling, laughter, and singing.

I will not have to come up with suitable consequences for outlandish behavior that sometimes makes me want to laugh.

I can go straight to bed instead of watching the complete peace of a sleeping child.

No one will ask me “what do you want to do?” the moment I walk through the door and then decide that maybe since mommy is tired, we can snuggle and watch a movie.

I can take a nap without everyone suddenly needing my attention for a life-or-death situation.

The truth is that although some quiet time would be nice, I know that I will miss my children terribly when they leave, so I think I will just enjoy them and accept the good with the bad while I can.

I remember when my oldest was first born, my first thought was “What if I’m not a good parent?” I was not one of those women who seem to take parenting in stride and handle every bump in the road without a hint of stress. I was ready to run to the doctor at the slightest irregularity, I was sure I was doing everything wrong because my baby wasn’t on a strict schedule, and the first time my husband went to work I begged him to stay with me; not a stellar start. Of course, my oldest survived and has turned out to be an amazing woman and my second and third children were infinitely easier to raise, but there are some pieces of advice I wish I had been told in the beginning. Here are several bits of advice learned the hard way.

· Just as the pirate in the movie Pirates of the Caribbean says that the pirate code is just rough guidelines, baby schedules should be the same. Although routines are good for both you and the baby, trying to stick to a rigid schedule for anything is only going to cause stress. Flexibility is going to be a quality that will help no matter where you are in your parenting journey.

· Actions have to receive consequences. Teaching your child early that bad choices will receive a time out or loss of privilege, will save you headaches later. It is sometimes difficult not to give in or deal with the issue of the day but tell yourself that your child will be better for it and your life will be easier down the line.

· Time is the best gift you can give to your child. You do not need to buy expensive gifts to please your child, just be there and play games with them, go see their plays, and let them know that you enjoy the time you have with them. Before you know it, they will be gone and you will wish you had turned off the e-mail and been with them more.

· When your child says I hate you, respond with I love you.

· Realize that in order to be a good parent you cannot always be the good guy.

· United we stand is a good motto for parenting. Support each other in decisions regarding your child.

· Boxes are the best toy for children aged one to two years. Put some out and you will see what I mean.

· Most problems can be averted by making sure your child is rested and fed.

· Remember that you are the adult.

· It’s not always your fault when your child does something wrong.

· Make time for yourself and you will be a better parent.

· Encourage your child’s passion and realize that your passion and his does not have to be the same.

· Be your child’s advocate. You know your child better than anyone, stand up for your child when it is necessary.

As you do your best to be a good parent, you will make mistakes, learn from them, and try to do what is right for your family. If you do it all with love, you cannot go wrong.