Have you ever seen something you would love to see changed, but you felt powerless as only one person? Change has to begin somewhere, and one person standing up to make a difference can turn into a group that can turn into a strong community capable of getting something done.

Imagine some of the things you would like to see changed and brainstorm some ways of how you think that change can happen. Here are a few on my list.

Respect

There are not many things that make me as angry as when I see a lack of respect. Respect is one of those basic ingredients of being raised correctly. Here is a short list of what respect is for me.

• Show up

I understand that crazy things sometimes happen in life, but if you told someone you were coming to something, don’t back out at the last minute. Show up.

• Be on time

When you are late, it is a sign of disrespect. It is as if you are saying your time is more important than anyone else. It also looks as if you don’t have your stuff together enough to show up when you are supposed to be somewhere. That doesn’t make you look professional.

• Be presentable

Appearances do matter, so do your best to look put together. I always thought that doing my best to look put together was a sign that the people who I would be in front of mattered to me. My oldest sister never left the house without full makeup, a great outfit and jewelry. One day, I showed up at her house to go shopping, and because I had a three-year-old and a five-year-old, I was just happy I was dressed! She looked at me, and with scorn dripping from her lips, she said, “Apparently, you couldn’t find your earrings today.”  

• Open doors

Opening doors to me is another way of offering kindness. It’s a simple way of saying, “Let me help you.”

• Respond when spoken to

When I was teaching, if I said good morning to a student and the student walked past me and ignored me, I would follow him and say, “Excuse me, you must not have heard me when I said Good Morning, because I know you would never be that rude to not respond.”

• Realize the elderly deserve our kindness

I do not like it when someone is condescending to an older person. They have experience, wisdom, and a great deal to share with us.

• Speak with respect

I cannot claim that I have never sworn, but I will tell you on the rare occasion that I do, the people who know me, start to laugh, probably because they don’t expect it from me. We can have conversations with each other without every other word being inappropriate. I am worried when I see people who are surprised when I say please and thank you. It shouldn’t be a rare occurrence.

• Listen fully when having a conversation

When someone is speaking with you, focus on that person and what she has to say. When you continually interrupt her for other things, it shows you are not interested in what she has to say.

• Put the phone away at meals

I always think having at least one meal together as a family is important. Everyone takes a break from all the responsibilities and distractions and shares with each other. I am always sad to see a family at a restaurant when everyone is focused on the phone.

• Treat people correctly

I am always amazed at how hateful people can be, and the things they think it is alright to say. Be kind.

Tolerance

I’m not an expert on why people hate people who are different, but I think two factors are fear and ignorance. I would love to see us work harder on improving how we treat diversity. The more we can have people from different genders, races, and cultural backgrounds interact with each other, I think it would be a small start to healing the divide in our country.  

Mental health

I’m glad that mental health has been being discussed more. We have to stop putting a stigma on it though, by saying if you are depressed or need help, there is something wrong with you. I hope we can offer more affordable counseling to those that need it, and that the issue becomes a more important one.

There are so many more. What topics would be on your list? What can you do to effect a change?

During my forty-year career as an educator, I took thousands of pictures of students participating in class, going on school trips, and helping with club events, but there is one photo, just an old black, and white that stands out for me because it was a special moment with several points that are important to me.

Living in Georgia, we don’t see snow very often. When it falls during a school day, you have to throw the lesson plan out the window because the students can’t focus on anything except the snow. On the day in the photo, we had gotten a light dusting, but it was wet snow which a New Englander knows is perfect for snowballs. My French 1 class headed out to play in that little bit of snow. Here are the reasons why this picture is so special to me.

The first reason I love it is that it speaks to me of relationships. At my school, the classes were small you really had a chance to get to know students and build a bond. I was lucky because as the only French teacher, I could have the same students for four years, and after four years you feel like family. I look at the faces in this picture and think of all the laughter we shared.

The second reason I like it is that although I believe working hard, teaching the curriculum, and helping students master the material is important, I also know there have to be sometimes when they can be kids and just goof around.

The third reason I love it is the boy on the end, to the right was amazing, and always super serious. I only have two pictures of Alex smiling, and this day is one of them. If you notice the snow on the picnic table, I said to Alex, “Throw a snowball at Mr. Bradley!” (The headmaster) Alex replied, “This snow won’t make a snowball.” He said it with scorn and disbelief, so I turned, made a snowball, and threw it at the headmaster. Alex’s eyes got wide, and his whole face lit up as the snowball fight began.

There are so many faces in that photo tied to many memories that I am so thankful I had. Sometimes the best memories are when you take a break from the routine and enjoy the moment.

What are those tools that you use the most, or that you feel are the most necessary in your life? I found it was very easy to make a top ten list. Here are the tools that I keep near me.

Scissors

Whether I’m going out to cut some flowers or vegetables or open a package, I use my scissors. You can use them to trim green beans, and even as a pizza cutter. They work overtime during the holidays with all the paper cutting and wrapping and think of all the arts and crafts when you need scissors.

Stain removal pen

I don’t know about you, but the minute I put on a white shirt, it’s inevitable that something is going to splash or drip on it, and although I have gone through an entire day with a huge stain in the middle of my chest, it would be nice to avoid it.

Hammer

There are so many uses for a hammer. You can use it to hammer in a nail, hang a picture, or bust the window in your car if you become trapped inside.

Screwdriver set

There have been many times when I have purchased a device and when I try to put batteries in, I find that I need a screwdriver to open the back. They are needed for various tasks in the home.

Tire gauge

It is useful to check your tires if you are heading out on a long trip.

Peppermint oil

My students called this my magic oil because so many would have headaches from the fluorescent lights, so I would dab a tiny bit on their temples, and within five minutes they would tell me the headache was gone. It also worked when a student was congested. I would rub some in my palms and let them breathe it in and clear their noses.

Jumper cables

I have a fear of breaking down, or finding out my car won’t start, so I always have jumper cables.

Flashlights/lanterns/candles

I have several lanterns for when I do night runs, and I love candles, so when we hear that the power might go out, my family always says, “We’re ready!”

A lawnmower

We just had five days of rain and then oppressive heat, so mowing was not an option, but I swear the grass grew ten feet in a matter of days, so if I don’t want to live in a forest, I need a lawnmower.

Duct tape

Here are several uses for duct tape that are mentioned in Good Housekeeping’s article, 8 Super-Smart Ways to Use Duct Tape.

Remove old stickers

Get rid of warts

Lift away pet hair

Seal cracked plastic

What are the tools that you cannot do without?

There are many things I wish I could do, and I will keep learning to do some, and work on conquering my fears about doing others. There are a few things that I am very thankful I can do. Here are my top ten.

Swim

When my first child was born, my mother told me to make sure I taught my children to swim. I remember my mom teaching me. We went to the local lake as often as possible so that I could not only learn to swim, but so I could become a strong swimmer. I didn’t know it at the time, but my mom was making sure I would be safe when I was around water. When we moved back to my home town I took my two oldest to the lake where I learned to swim, and signed them up for swim lessons.

Change a tire

In high school, the senior girls competed against the senior boys in a car competition. We had to push a car around campus, and at a certain point, we had to stop and change a tire. Our faculty member was my math teacher, and I am so grateful for the extra time he took to teach us how to change a tire. I have only had to do it once, but it was nice to know what to do. By the way, the girls won the competition.

Check the oil

My dad owned the local garage and he thought that everyone should have general knowledge of a car, so he made sure I knew how to check the oil, what grade oil I needed, and that it might vary from season to season. He also made sure I knew how to check the power steering.

Check the tire pressure

The main reason I learned this is because my car had a leaky tire and I could not afford to buy a new tire, so before every trip, I would go out and check the pressure and fill the tire to the correct level.

CPR

Because I was a teacher and a coach, I was required to know CPR. I hope I don’t ever have to use it, but I am so glad that I have been trained in it.

Speak multiple languages

I can speak French and Spanish and knowing other languages has opened the world for me. When you travel it makes it easier if you know the languages, and it makes it possible to meet some amazing people and explore beautiful places.  

Plant a garden

I am fascinated by plants and how they grow and having a garden has been a joy. I’m always experimenting with new things and learning as I go. I am also grateful to save some money at the grocery store by growing some of our own food.

Knit/crochet

I am always cold so there are handmade blankets all through our house. Not only does my ability to knit and crochet help to keep me warm, it is a very relaxing activity for me.

Jump start a car

Imagine coming out of work on a cold, rainy day and your car won’t start. If you know how to use jumper cables and a colleague is nearby, you will be fine.

How to negotiate

You can save a lot of money if you are willing to negotiate what you pay for. One example is a newspaper subscription. Call up customer service and turn on the charm, by asking how the person is doing and if she is having a good day. Then ask if there are any specials running. There is usually a discounted rate. Don’t be afraid to ask for a better price.

My mom and dad were wonderful parents, but they were not very good at sharing family medical history. I knew that my oldest sister had epilepsy, and although I was told she had several grand mal seizures in her life, I never saw her have a seizure or show any other sign of epilepsy. I had no idea that I had childhood epilepsy until my youngest had her first seizure.

Epilepsy is a diverse group of neurological disorders that are characterized by recurring seizures. 1 in 26 Americans has epilepsy, and 65 million worldwide live with epilepsy.

I can remember the day so clearly when Kait had her first seizure. I was teaching a class when the registrar came running into my room looking panicked. She said, “Your babysitter just called and said Katie had a seizure. She wants to know if she should call the ambulance.” I called the babysitter who said Katie was now sleeping in her arms. We arrived at the sitter’s house and rushed Katie to the hospital. We called ahead, so they were waiting when we arrived. The doctor wanted to know if John or I had epilepsy and since I didn’t think I did, I said no. My sister later told me that my mom used to hold me when I would have my seizures, and the doctor told her I would probably grow out of it. The doctor said the same thing about Katie. She would be on anti-seizure medication until she was two, and then they would reevaluate. When they reevaluated her, she was taken off the medicine.

What bothers me about saying a child grows out of epilepsy is that the statement is not completely true. Even many years later, if I am very tired, I have staring fits when I stare straight ahead without really seeing anything. It is like being in a trance. All it takes is for someone to call my name to bring me back, but it is still not always easy to explain. I see Kait doing the same when she is tired. Studies have shown that children with epilepsy often have a learning disability, and many suffer from depression. Katie experienced both. It is also common for epilepsy to get worse after the age of 60.

My nephew has had several scary experiences because of having a seizure in dangerous situations. I am very grateful that someone was there to help him. He now has a seizure dog to alert him if a seizure is coming.

If someone has a seizure, here are the basics for taking care of her.

• Stay with the person until the seizure is over
• Do not try to hold the person down or stop the movements
• Stay calm
• Do not put anything in the person’s mouth
• Ease the person to the ground
• Turn the person on her side
• Put something soft under the head if possible
• Time the seizure and call 911 if it lasts more than five minutes

The triggers for the seizures could be lack of sleep, illness, stress, bright lights, caffeine, low blood sugar, or a head injury.

If epilepsy runs in your family like it does in mine, I hope you go for regular doctor visits and share the family medical history with all the family members. Consider having a medical alert bracelet, alert the people around you about your condition, and possibly consider a service dog.

A doctor asked me if I have an anxious mind. When I hesitated, he told me what he meant. He asked if I woke up in the middle of the night and then couldn’t fall back to sleep, did I become extremely nervous about some things, or did I have panic attacks.

An anxious mind is focused on what could go wrong and is always thinking about what ifs. It can distort how we think as we become threat-focused, finding problems instead of solutions. An anxious mind overestimates danger and underestimates our ability to handle it.

Anxiety can be tough on our bodies as well as our minds. When we become anxious, adrenaline and cortisol rise. Our body goes into flight or fight to protect us from danger.

An anxious mind can struggle with social situations, searching for relief by trying to obtain reassurances from others that everything will be all right. We can interpret ambiguous events as negative. An anxious mind may misinterpret a comment to mean that others do not like that person.

If you are wired to worry, there are a few things you can try to alleviate the anxiety. Here are a few ideas.

Admit you are anxious

Once the problem is identified, you can look at it logically and eliminate the future possibilities and replace them with the present reality.

Calm your body

If you can calm your body, you can calm your mind. Find a quiet place and practice rhythmic breathing. Exercise also helps. I know when I am worried, a long run soothes me. You can also practice something called soothing imagery. This is when you visualize a soothing picture in your mind and focus on the sense of peace you feel.

Journal

Writing down your thoughts and worries will help you sort them out.

Be present

Instead of worrying about what is going to happen in the future, focus on what is going on now.

I know these are small steps, but I hope it is a start for you to control anxiety so that it does not control you.

There are several distinct moments in every running race. There is that moment in the beginning when many people crowd to the front in the hopes of cutting every possible second off their time. Young runners will inevitably sprint from the starting line before they realize what it means to pace themselves. The beginning of the race is the moment that is the most dangerous because so many people are so close together. I have seen people trip over another runner’s shoe or twist an ankle. What I watch for the most are the children who stop on a dime because they have no concept that there is a crowd of people running behind. This is also the moment when the faster runners enact their plans. I used to choose someone who I used to pace me. The perfect person was slightly faster than I was so she would inspire me to go faster.

The second moment is my favorite. It’s when the different groups of runners have found their paces, and the crowd has spread out. There are still people around you, but they are struggling too much to talk beyond gasping out some encouragement, and a peaceful quiet settle in around you. You can hear a rhythmic tap of shoes hitting the pavement, and everyone has settled into a pace. Of course, there are always those people who manage to gossip the entire race while you are just trying to keep going.

The final moment is when you know the finish line is right around the next corner, and there is a woman in your age group right in front of you. It is time for your glorious finish as you pass the woman at the last moment and claim your spot on the podium.

There are other moments in a race that are also important like the conversations you hear when runners talk about how running is healing them. There are other moments when you see someone who is conquering physical challenges, and running in spite of those challenges.

I am often amazed at the beauty around me, but sometimes the greatest masterpieces are not what we expect. Beauty and magnificence are often found when you have to look closely to see them, or when you least expect to find them.

My neighbor has a son named Christopher who has quite a few physical challenges. One or two of the things that Christopher lives with daily would cause many people to use excuses to claim that some things are too difficult to do. Christopher has a strength of spirit that many adults would be proud to have. He refuses to give in to the challenges. Instead, he has decided to crush them and do his best to enjoy what life has to offer him. Let me give you a few examples of what I have seen that have inspired me.

Christopher has difficulty walking, but you can see him walking his laps around the neighborhood with his family every day. He could complain about the effort it takes, but instead, he uses that time to ask questions about everything. His intellectual curiosity is one of the many things I love about him. He asks insightful questions. He wants to know about everything.

Christopher’s difficulties with his vision also make walking difficult. Until recently, if Christopher came over to see my garden, I would have to take his hand to guide him up the steps or around any obstacles. Something has changed in the last month, and he has become more fearless, because last night when I held out my hand to help him, he refused and instead bent down and touched the steps with his hands to see where he needed to step.

Another fear Christopher has conquered is his fear of dogs. He has an Australian Shepherd and I have a Border Collie, and they are both crazy messes of non-stop energy. When he first came over when the dogs played, I had to close him in the garden to keep the dogs away from him. He gradually moved to stand near the treehouse, and now he stands out in the middle of the chaos, which I cannot really recommend to anyone.

Christopher is learning to swim in our pool. I watched his lesson yesterday and was once again amazed by this child’s determination to not let anything hold him back. He was learning how to go underwater, and you could see he was afraid, but he looked at the instructor and said, “O.k., I’m ready.”, and he did it!

This seven-year-old could teach all of us some lessons, especially about seeing the blessings in his life, having a good attitude, and showing kindness.

When you have a child who struggles in some way, your first instinct is to protect him, but in my opinion, enabling your child, when he can do something, is one of the worst things you can do. My son was born with a bleeding blood vessel in his brain. He had a brain operation to repair the blood vessel. Because of the operation, he has a large scar and a lump on the side of his head, but I was given a list of possible issues that might result from the operation including partial paralysis, so a lump on the side of his head did not bother me at all. He needed physical therapy when we brought him home and he had to be checked frequently by specialists. At one appointment, I saw the shock on the doctor’s face. He asked me if they could do a study on Tyler because they could not believe how well he was doing physically. I know part of the reason for that is I never treated him as if I didn’t expect him to not be able to do something, and I see Christopher’s mom doing the same. She lets him decide what he wants to try. It’s like a team effort.

I know it is difficult when your new child doesn’t completely fall into the realm of whatever our culture considers normal to be, but often those differences become the greatest blessings.

Family and friends

Being surrounded by love is a wonderful feeling. On those days when it feels like no one appreciates you, it’s nice to know that good friends and family have your back. You can be genuine around family and friends and the laughter you can share is priceless.

Good food

I have always considered food to be comfort and a form of love. We need it to live but it is one of the basic pleasures in our lives. Most of the time, when our family is together, we all congregate in the kitchen around good food. The smells and the tastes enhance the stories and laughter in the room. Feeding people and seeing them enjoy it is always a pleasure.

Sleep

Sleeping enough can affect every aspect of our lives, so I try to prepare for a restful night. I sprinkle the pillow with lavender and orange, and there are super soft blankets waiting for me to sink under. I have a terrible habit of waking in the middle of the night and thinking of a million things, so when I wake up, I do my best to clear my mind so I can fall back to sleep.

Great smells

I love using aromatherapy to perk up or soothe my senses. I recently bought a candle in Florida that has an orange-based scent, but there are also herbs in the middle that make the smell even better. My family always appreciates me when the lights go out because between all my candles, and my lanterns for night races, we are all set.

I love the smell of coffee, newly mowed grass, clean laundry, and that certain smell right after it has rained.

Soft, warm blankets

I have a different personal temperature than most people. I become cold easily, so I love having soft, comfy blankets around when I am inside. I have one draped over my legs when I eat breakfast, and on the couch when I have time to read.

Essential oils

A friend told me about the importance and use of oils, and as I have used them, I have been amazed at how they can help. I am not a doctor, so I can only say that they have worked for me in these circumstances.

I began to have ringing in my ears. (tinnitus) My friend said to put some lavender behind each ear before bed. It worked and I have not had any ringing since then. Lavender on my pillow also helps me sleep.

I use peppermint on my head when I have a bad headache. Be careful to not get any in your eyes because it is very strong. I also use it when I am congested. Put some in your palms, rub them together, and breathe it in.

Coffee

I love hot coffee in the morning, and I am sure it is a comfort thing. Something warm that smells delicious is a real treat for me.

Flowers

I enjoy the smell and the look of flowers. Seeing something that beautiful makes me smile.

Hammocks

I swing in the hammock with a book and listen to the quiet, or what is happening in the neighborhood. It is very relaxing.

Books

I can become completely lost in the story in a book. There have been times when someone has called my name several times before I hear them. Reading is an escape for me.

Music

Music can relax me, and it can motivate me. I love the stories in the song, the rhythm, and the message.

Running

Running is another escape for me. It gives me peace, and I meet great people when I go to races.

Kindness

I love acts of kindness. One kind act can lift my spirits for a long time.

That is my shortlist of what I appreciate the most. What would your list look like?

Are you a multitasker, or is it easier to do one thing at a time? When someone is speaking to you, do you focus on the person, or do you try to finish your e-mail, or keep your nose in a book? Let me explain why I am asking these questions.

Everyone wants to be fully heard, and everyone has a story to tell, but we don’t always do a good job of having real conversations anymore. There are so many distractions that pull us away from each other, and I find this heartbreaking because we need to share our experiences with each other, face to face, not only on social media.

The reason I am writing this is because of an experience I had at a race today. My friend Raleigh and I went to a trail race that is part of a series run by a wonderful family. We have gone to enough of their races that they at least recognize us. One of the men who helps with the race was putting medals on people as they were called up during the awards ceremony. They would call third place, second, and finally the winner for that age group. I walked up to receive my medal for third and thanked the man as I climbed onto the podium. As second and third place were called, he started a conversation with me. He said, “How did you like the course?” I replied that I thought it was beautiful. He then said, “It’s a course you have to warm up for though, and I didn’t warm up enough.” He said something else, and I had the feeling he wanted to keep talking, but second and third place were standing there with a look that said, “What in the world?” “Where are our medals?”  My point in telling this story is this man needed to share his race experience with someone, and I was willing to listen, and I would have loved to hear more.

I want to do a better job of listening to other people’s stories without interrupting to interject my own. Listening to others shows we value them and what they have to say. In a time when we all need to bolster our mental health, I hope we can work on the art of positive conversations.