I have been making an effort lately to enjoy each moment instead of always thinking about what I have to do next or worrying that there is something I haven’t done. I am finding that slowing down, enjoying who I’m with, and being more observant of everything, brings a sense of peace. Here are a few things I am trying to do that might work for you too.

Focus completely on a person

I am guilty of trying to multitask while talking to someone. I want to finish the e-mail, write one more sentence, or organize my desk. The problem with that is I am sending a message that I’m too busy to interact with someone, and that person is not worth my time. I am much happier doing one thing at a time including giving a person my time.

Be open to what is happening around me

In the past, I have often been hurrying to the next task with my head down, and my mind a mile away. Now, I see who and what are around me, and I am aware of my environment.

Leave my headphones out

I used to have my headphones in at the gym, or when I was running, but I was missing out on some great conversations! I listen to people talk about issues, triumphs, and heartaches.

Listening

Listening is a skill that many people are not good at doing. Instead of listening, we want to jump in and interrupt with our own story. What we forget though is how much we can learn from each other.

Asking questions

Showing an interest in people shows them they have value and everyone wants to tell his story.

Wouldn’t it be perfect if we could have the wisdom that comes with getting older but not have the physical aspect of aging? Many of us have spent a great deal of money trying to maintain a youthful appearance. We want the answer to be inside of a bottle or jar, but the truth is that the answer to feeling and looking younger is within our reach naturally and inexpensively. Here are some of the things that we can do to slow the aging process.

1. Sleep

I have noticed that as I have gotten older, my face shows how much or how little sleep I have had. If I have several days of great sleep, I look ten years younger. Lack of sleep is also a major factor in memory loss and symptoms of depression that include low interest in daily activities and negative thinking. Research has shown that most adults need 8-9 hours of sleep every night. Not getting enough sleep affects the skin barrier’s ability to do its job and can lead to dehydration, which, in turn, makes fine lines more noticeable.

1) Staying Calm

Stress really will kill you. It disrupts your sleep, raises your weight, elevates your blood pressure, and will age you rapidly. There are ways to keep your cool though. Deep breathing is something that everyone can do anywhere. Breathe deeply for four seconds, hold it in for four seconds and then release it for four. Do this three times and see how much more relaxed you are.

Another technique that anyone can use is repeating a mantra. A mantra is a word or phrase that helps you to focus or relax. The one I use is “Find the joy.” I use it when I start to become irritated or stressed. It reminds me that there is joy in any situation.

Meditation is another way to improve your sense of calm. Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and focus on a scene that would be special for you. Clear your mind, breathe deeply and focus on your special place. Find a quiet and comfortable place. Sit in a chair or on the floor with your head, neck, and back straight but not stiff. Pay attention to your breathing. Breathe deeply in and out. Clear your mind and imagine a pleasant scene with you in it. Try to relax and focus on nothing but that.

2) Exercise

The U.S. guidelines recommend that 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity at least five days a week can have significant health benefits. In one study it was found that adults who partake in regular physical activity are biologically younger than sedentary individuals. The secret to exercise working for you is to find something that you enjoy doing so that you will do it consistently. Visualize the positive effects that exercise can have on you.

3) Water

Water can solve many health problems. Hydration is essential to help prevent the clogging of arteries to the heart and brain. Hydration is needed for the production of nature’s sleep regulator, melatonin. Water generates electrical and magnetic energy in every cell in the body, providing a natural power boost. Water normalizes the blood-manufacturing system that can aid in the prevention of many forms of cancer. To promote healthier skin, adequate water intake is essential. If water does not reach the skin from the circulation at its base, the rate of skin repair will decrease, and dehydrated cells will cover the body. Drink up!!

4) Interaction with friends

Humans have a basic need for interaction with others. Add onto that the chance to interact with someone who cares about your happiness and is willing to listen to your joys and your sorrows and you have a prescription for happiness. We need people in our lives to share our thoughts and feelings with and who can make us feel needed. Happiness usually equals healthiness and healthy relationships can make that happen.

5) Engage in a passion/interest

Find something that you love to do and do it as often as possible. Doing something that we are passionate about is a stress reliever and we all know that stress is a major cause of aging. What a simple concept it is to think that by doing something that makes you happy and relaxes you, you can stay younger longer.

6) Give back

Serving others will make you feel good, it will help you connect with the community, and it will show you just how blessed you are in your life. The quickest way to forget about any troubles that you have is to help relieve someone else’s burden. Worry will age you so avoid it when possible.

7) Think positively

Attitude is everything. The outcome of anything that you do will be affected by the attitude you give it. People with positive attitudes live longer than those with negative views on everything. Try going through a day changing any negative thought into a positive and see if it makes a difference.

8) Take time to do nothing

Many of us have no idea how to relax. We feel guilty doing nothing but the truth is it could be a great thing to do for our health and to use as an anti-aging tool. There is always one more thing that you could do at work or around the house, but our bodies need some rest so try putting up your feet now and then and take some time to renew.

9) Learn something new

Learning to do something new can stimulate our brains and keep our mental capacity sharp. We all want to be as sharp mentally as we can, so learn to play an instrument, try a new sport or learn another language.

It is important to realize that age is just a number. We do not have to succumb to age, we can deal with it on our own terms. I hear people complaining that they are falling apart at forty. Middle age can be a time of renewal and recognition. You have wisdom that you did not have in your twenties and your body can be well maintained with a little work.

You might think I’m crazy, but I talk to my dog all the time, and I swear that he understands me most of the time. When we first welcomed Bandit into our home, it was a little chaotic. I had never had a dog that was so full of energy and frenetic. I wasn’t sure if we should keep him because I didn’t know if I was the best person for him. My friend Lynn is a dog trainer and she assured me it would be o.k. and she encouraged me to talk to him. Bandit was four months old when he arrived, so he had a lot of things to learn about the world, so I started to give him safety advice. Here is a short list of what I tell him.

Be careful what you eat

Bandit is like any other animal who loves to eat. I taught him two commands to make sure if medication or something else that he shouldn’t eat was on the ground, he wouldn’t eat it. The first command is when I say, “leave it.” To teach him this I hold my hand open with a treat and say leave it. When he tries to eat it, close your palm. Eventually, he will stop trying to eat it. At that point, say, “Get it!”.  The other command is for the times when he picks something up. I say, “Drop it!”

Don’t run full speed down the stairs unless you know what’s at the bottom.

We have had some early morning sightings of coyotes and foxes in our neighborhood, and I am not ready to have that meeting. I have taught him to wait for me, and he looks around before he goes down.

There are certain things you should not chase

Bandit is an all-in dog. He wants to run full speed and chase things. The other day, he was running to me with the frisbee when he disturbed a strange creature in the grass. Something that looked like a bird, flew up from the grass, fluttered around for a second, and then dove back into the grass. I looked at Bandit and said, “What in the world was that?” I felt like a character in the Friday the Thirteenth movie with Freddie Krueger because you know you shouldn’t go look, but you can’t help yourself. I still could not tell you what it was.

Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong

We have a million holes in our backyard, and I’m pretty sure there are a few things I don’t want to meet down there. He will run over to peek, and I tell him again, “Don’t stick your nose there!” Curiosity is not always a good thing.

Enjoy a good nap

Most of the time, Bandit is a whirlwind of activity, but when I write he curls up near the cats and rests for his next explosion of energy.

Life is not always easy but each one of us has a choice about how we live the life that we have been given. We can find joy in what we do or we can see life as a burden. We can do our part to contribute or we can live as if we have been defeated. Everyone has something in their lives that they struggle with. Even the friend who seems perfect has an issue or two that is a challenge in some way. With all the needs around us, there are countless ways that one person can make a difference in others and in the community. Imagine if you knew that simple acts that you performed for someone or a few kind words that you offered could radically help that person. Imagine that these were all very simple things that you could do and they would not cost you anything or require much effort on your part. If you knew what an impact you could have on someone without even inconveniencing yourself, wouldn’t you do it? Add to this the fact that by helping others you can improve your own situation. It just seems like a win-win situation.

One of the easiest ways that you can make a difference in someone’s life is just to listen. Most people need to tell someone about what they are struggling with. Having to hold it in without confiding in someone becomes a burden. When you can tell someone about your problems it is as if you have released them from a burden. Sometimes people just have to talk about something to work the issue out.

You can improve your listening skills by practicing something called empathetic listening. When someone tells you something, repeat what you have been told in a question. An example would be if someone said “Since my husband has died, I feel lonely.” You respond, “So since your husband has died, you are lonely?” This will encourage the person to add to the first statement. Letting someone voice their feelings is the simplest but often the most important thing that you can do for someone.

Never underestimate how powerful simple words can be. You may not think twice about a small compliment but that comment could make a huge difference. Many people have horrible self-esteem; they are used to being invisible. When someone gives a compliment or smiles at someone, it shows the person that they are worthy of a person’s attention.

When you are trying to be your best, you can inspire others and that inspiration could change a life. Be happy, laugh often, and your joy will be contagious. Sing positive songs, speak positive thoughts and you will lift up those around you. Count your blessings and others will realize that they need to focus on what is right in life not always on what is wrong.

Offer encouragement. Everyone wants to feel that there is someone who believes in them, that someone will be a cheerleader for them.

Helping others can cause self-improvement. Seeing other people struggling makes you realize how blessed your own life is. Knowing that you are helping someone lifts your own spirits. The quickest way to forget your own problem is to try to help someone solve their issues.

Do what you can to help one person at a time and watch the gradual changes as reaching out becomes a domino effect and you feel that you have made a difference.

When you go to work each day, you have a choice about what your performance will be like. Every organization has a wide variety of performers. The most valuable are the ones who treat their job with respect and act professionally, others are not sure what the expectations are, and others slip by doing the bare minimum and finding excuses anytime they don’t follow the company rules. Every organization should have very clear expectations for workers, and although we would hope professionals wouldn’t need to be supervised, there needs to be supervision and consequences when professionals don’t act professionally. Here is my idea of how a professional performs.

Show up on time

Unless there is a valid excuse, being late is a sign of disrespect. I had a student complain to me once that his teacher never arrived in class until five minutes after the bell rang. If we have a rule for one person, it has to apply to everyone.

Avoid negativity

You don’t want to be a victim of guilt by association if others see you with the group that gossips about everyone else.

Come to learn

You have so many opportunities to learn from the people around you. Brainstorm with others and ask questions.

Meet deadlines

Be known as a person who completes his responsibilities.

Don’t be the pot stirrer

Stirring up drama can happen faster than you think, so don’t be known as the drama queen.

Be a team player. Realize that everyone involved in the job is working together. It has to be a united front, and everyone has to work together. Help willingly when the chance arises.

When you speak with colleagues, give them your full attention. Stop using e-mail, put away the cell phone, and interact fully with another human being.

Show your colleagues how to deal with stress with a sense of humor. It is much more fun to work somewhere where people are laughing instead of frowning.

Never wait until the last minute to do something. Work on big projects a little at a time and they do not seem so insurmountable anymore.

Starting a new job can be overwhelming and a little scary. There are names to learn, procedures to follow, figuring out who does what, and proving you can do a good job. The first few weeks and beyond can be stressful, but here are a few ways to make the transition easier.

Find a mentor

It doesn’t take long to find the person who can guide you and answer your questions. Good organizations have a mentor program to help you acclimate to the new environment. When I first started at my last school, there wasn’t a mentor program, and it was difficult to navigate all the documentation and figure out who to talk to for what.

Discover your marigolds

The marigolds are the genuinely good people who will be positive and who will help you to do your best.

Avoid negativity

Every organization has a group that isn’t happy about anything or anyone and will take every chance to air those feelings. Negativity can sap your energy, and it is hurtful.

Make your team look good

Perform for the greater good, not just individual accolades.

Learn something every day

We can learn something from everyone, so start each day with the attitude that you are going to learn at least one new thing every day.

Keep a positive attitude

Keeping a positive attitude and a sense of humor will help you through any rough spots.

Set goals

Give yourself some goals to motivate yourself. Keep revising them as the year goes by.

Give yourself some grace during your first year, and do the best job you can, and when someone else is the new person, become her marigold.

Have you ever known someone who presented herself a certain way, but revealed a completely different personality to a select few? I have had several relationships where this has happened, and I had to keep asking myself if it was just me. Was I being too harsh or too sensitive, but ultimately, there was too much evidence in each case that proved I was dealing with someone who was a master manipulator with people. I will give you several examples in the hopes that if you are in a similar situation, you will realize what is happening, and then I will give you a few ideas of what worked for me to deal with this type of relationship.

Abigail Brenner M.D. writes in her article, 9 Classic Strategies of Manipulative People, for Psychology Today, “Manipulative people have mastered the art of deception. They may appear respectable and sincere but often that’s just a facade; it’s a way to draw you in and ensnare you in a relationship before they show their true colors. Manipulative people are really not interested in you except as a vehicle to allow them to gain control so that you become an unwilling participant in their plans. Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem that they began but won’t take responsibility for. They can be passive-aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities. They often make you defensive. They can also be extremely aggressive and vicious, resorting to personal attacks and criticism, and dogged in their pursuit of getting what they want. They bully and threaten, and won’t let up or let go until they wear you down.”

I have a family member who has struggled with addiction for years. He can sink into dark moods, and be unpleasant to be around, but when he is in a social setting, he becomes the life of the party, and everyone loves him. I cannot count the number of people who have told me what an amazing person he is, and how funny he is. I think situations like this happen a lot where someone paints a pretty picture of his persona, but the reality is much darker.

I had a friend who I loved being around. She was always full of energy, and laughter. Unfortunately, as we became closer, she also showed a darker side of herself. She was very competitive, and she was determined to have what she wanted no matter who she hurt. She did some things that hurt me badly. I don’t think I have ever known anyone who was more self-absorbed. My family saw her true personality before I did. When I finally walked away from our relationship, it took me a long time to recover from the hurt.

Manipulative people never think someone can do something as well as they can. They like to place blame on others and talk behind others’ backs. Realize that they are talking about you as well. They are relentless about fulfilling their needs no matter who they hurt. They see nothing wrong with their actions, and they enjoy creating scenarios for intrigue, rivalry, and jealousy. They will try to make you feel less than and guilty. They are adult bullies.

It can be difficult when you see people receive accolades who you know are hateful to others, and can be charming in public, but not really have the leadership qualities that people think they have.

Here is my advice. Distance yourself as much as possible from people like this, the situation will not end well for you. Do not talk badly about them to make others see the truth because it will make you look like the hateful one. Realize that eventually, the mask will fall, and the true personality will come through. Don’t engage in conflict with them because it isn’t worth your energy. Surround yourself with genuine people. Believe in yourself and your worth, and see their actions for the power play they are.

A month ago, my border collie forgot to brake as he ran full speed towards me, so forty pounds of dog collided with my shin. I thought the swelling on my shin was the only damage, but several days later after a Saturday race, my knee began to be sore. It gradually became worse until I couldn’t run on it at all. I had been running 30-40 miles a week as I trained for an ultra, so the hardest part was watching all that training slip away because I couldn’t run. I was surprised how much I have learned from being injured though. I am hoping that as I heal, I can come back even stronger than before. Here are some of the things I learned.

I can still show up

I sign up for races a month in advance, so I had already signed up for races before the injury. I knew it would be hard for me to walk instead of run, but I knew I would gain a new perspective. The important thing for everyone is to participate and show up.

My finish time isn’t always the goal

When I walked the race today, I knew my finish time wouldn’t be good, so I chose another goal. I chose a rabbit which is something I haven’t done since my faster days. A rabbit is a person who is ahead of you and who might be slightly faster than you. Your goal is to beat the rabbit. It motivates you to move as quickly as possible, and it is a great goal to focus on. If you pass that rabbit, you can choose a new one if you want to. For many of the participants, crossing the finish line is the goal.

Whatever you believe you are capable of is what you will do

Walking in the back has given me a new perspective on who participates in the races. I listen to the conversations around me, and I am fascinated by the different attitudes of what each person can do. truly believe that you can defeat yourself or accomplish your goals depending on what you think you can do.

What I think is easy might be a herculean task to someone else

I am so blessed that I have been able to train enough so that three miles is not difficult to me, but in today’s race, I saw many people struggling to complete it. I admired their grit to keep going with something that was difficult.

Never take good health for granted

At a recent race, I was telling another runner about my knee when she started telling me all the medical issues she was experiencing. None of those issues was going to keep her from running, so I stopped complaining about my knee because it is a tiny issue compared to what some people struggle with regularly.

Encourage others

Everyone can benefit from some encouragement. Today I told a girl what a great job she was doing. She said, “I can’t be doing a good job because I’m running at least some of the time, and you keep passing me, and you are just walking.” That’s when I told her she was my rabbit because she was going fast enough to motivate me to go faster.

The people in the back have the most stories

The people in the back are going slow enough to talk, and they have great stories to tell!

Patience helps with healing

I have not been very patient with my healing, but I know I am prolonging that healing by not staying off my knee. I will work on being more patient.

As always, attitude will change everything

I have a choice to have a pity party or find the positives, so I am choosing to adjust my fitness routine to do low-impact cardio and more weight training.

Do you have a pet that tries your patience, but pulls at your heart strings at the same time? If you have read any of my other pet stories, you know I have a crazy border collie named Bandit who has stolen my heart completely, but who also keeps me on my toes. What is it about certain pets that no matter what havoc they cause we still wouldn’t trade them for anything?

Several weeks ago, I was in our backyard with him playing frisbee when my daughter called on the phone. As I was speaking to her, I started to walk toward Bandit’s favorite frisbee, but I wasn’t watching where Bandit was until he was hitting my leg full force after running at top speed. (Border Collies are fast) I very seldom swear, but I swore so loud that I was sure I needed to apologize to the new dog sitter next door, and the neighbors who live behind us. My shin swelled and was very ugly, but I was not that concerned until after my next race when my knee was sore. It deteriorated into me not being able to run at all, but I still didn’t connect it with the incident with Bandit because I thought maybe it was overuse or age. I went to my chiropractor who said, “Jen, it looks like something slammed into your knee!” Imagine that moment of realization when it all suddenly makes sense and you can’t believe you didn’t figure it out.

Although I was surprised at the collision with Bandit because he can stop on a dime, I was never angry at him. I blamed myself for not paying attention, and the second he started licking my hand, all was forgiven. That scenario plays out quite a bit in our house. Bandit will do something he is not supposed to do, but as I’m telling him in my calm yet stern tone, he starts being so cute and loving that I completely forget why I was mad. Then there are the times when I really should be training him not to do something, but what he is doing is so funny, that I cannot stop laughing long enough to redirect him.

I know I am a hopeless case. I am going to do my best to keep this dog safe and well taken care of, and in return I know we will both share unconditional love.

As a grandmother, I have the amazing chance to be part of my grandson’s life, and I am so grateful for the time I spend with him, but there are a few things that grandparents have to navigate, especially with the first grandchild.

Know the boundaries

I swore to myself I would not offer advice unless asked because in this age of social media, the new moms are overwhelmed with conflicting advice and don’t need to hear even more. New moms are trying to figure everything out and they are doing their best with their children, so don’t go against their wishes as if everything they are doing is wrong. Respect their decisions unless you know those decisions are harmful.

Ignore when your child acts like you know nothing about raising a child.

When my grandson was first born, my daughter temporarily forgot I had raised three children because she would hover over me and double check my diapering and give me very minute instructions if she would be gone.

Enjoy every moment

Because we have raised children already, we know how fast the time goes, so I am getting in as many hugs and kisses as I can.

Help your child learn to parent, but do it gently

My daughter wants to feel that she is doing a great job, but it is her first-time parenting, so there are a few things I can help her to learn. I make sure to tell her about it as if I have made a first-time discovery myself.

One of the things I like the most about being a grandmother is not only can I play a role in my grandson’s life, but I am also becoming closer with my daughter as we laugh our way through navigating life with a baby.