I’m usually a positive person, but daylight savings is something that I dread. I know some people say it is great in the fall because we fall back and get an extra hour of sleep, but that hour catches back up to you pretty quickly, and before you know it you are exhausted again. There have been studies that show that more people have accidents during this time because of brain fog. It stands to reason that we are probably much less productive at work.

During the first week of daylight savings, I fight the clock. The clock will say it is two, but I will say, “Oh, but it’s really one, or is it three?” By the time I figure out what time it used to be, but is not now, I’m too annoyed to care. 

If I’m having difficulty with my internal clock, what about children who have a certain sleep routine? I know if I had a baby I would not want anything to mess up the sleep routine because a new parent definitely does not need more brain fog.

It makes the day seem so short. During the summer and early fall, I love the after-dinner walks, but after daylight savings, it’s pitch black by seven.

I am going to try to have a better attitude about the time change this fall, as soon as I’m not exhausted because my internal clock has been knocked out of whack, or I’m suffering from light deprivation, or anyone can figure out a reason why we change the clocks in the first place. I swear I will…maybe.

We have a friend who worries herself sick. She worries about what people think about her, whether she is a good parent, does she take good care of her dog, and whether is there anything she needs to fix in the house. We all worry about those things to some extent, but Liz is making herself unhappy with worry, and her list is much longer. My husband is an excellent calming agent for her because his motto in life is, “Oh well, it is what it is.” Whenever she starts her worry list, John starts shooting them down as if they are out skeet shooting. Here is the list and John’s solutions.

I worry about what people will think.

In a world where a group of people all buy the same kind of dog, not because of the breed, but because it has become the status symbol du jour, or people copy anything else from someone because they think that makes them better, don’t worry about what they think. Try being yourself and have some originality.

My child’s teacher e-mails me every day. I must be a bad parent

My first reaction is what teacher has time to write that e-mail every day with everything else they have to do, my second thought is how well-behaved is a five-year-old supposed to be. Did you sit still for hours when you were five?

How will I know if something in the house needs to be fixed?

Oh, you will know, and the expression “don’t fix it unless it’s broken” is sometimes true.

PetSmart told me the dog’s toenails are too long and now I have to go to a specialist.

Take the dog for walks on the asphalt. It’s nature’s nail file.

My point with all this is you may be working yourself into a nervous wreck like Liz for nothing. Put things in perspective and give yourself some grace.

Have you heard the expression silence is golden? I think that is true when you are talking about those moments when you need the calm of a quiet moment, and silence can also be a powerful way to communicate, but there are also times when silence can be harmful. Here are a few times when silence should be avoided.

When you have been bullied or threatened

Fear can be the quickest way to silence someone, but if you live your life in fear it only means you will perpetually be bullied and threatened. Find someone you trust and tell them what has happened. Don’t accept a situation that does not make you happy and healthy. If you have trouble speaking up for yourself, realize that if you don’t do something, the bully will continue to harm people.

When you feel peer pressure

Peer pressure can happen at any age because we all want to fit into a group, so when we think we will be more accepted if we join in with certain activities, it will leave us not feeling good about ourselves. Be yourself and surround yourself with like-minded people. The question on a morning news show was how many good friends does a person need? My family all yelled, “One!” at the same time. Quality not quantity will enrich your life.

When a friend is struggling

If you have a friend who is struggling and you know you are not equipped to handle it, speak to someone who can. When my youngest was in eighth grade, her best friend reached out to me and told me my daughter was depressed. Because of that, I was able to have a good conversation with my daughter and find her the therapy she needed.

When something makes you uncomfortable

When I was in karate, our teacher used to say that if someone made us feel threatened or uncomfortable, that was enough to at least alert someone else that something isn’t right. Don’t stay quiet because you think you are overreacting. Our instincts are usually correct.

When you disagree

As long as you present your thoughts in a respectful way, we should all be able to have discussions about disagreements.

I hope these help you to see that there are times when the best thing you can do is to find your voice, and do what is best for you.

If we could have the best person for the job of president of our wonderful country, what characteristics should the ideal person have? We know that most politicians do well when they are well-funded and backed by the people who know how to run a successful campaign, but think beyond the campaign machine and the promises made and focus on what would the characteristics and beliefs be that someone needed to do the best job possible. Here are a few of my ideas.

Of course, any politician needs to be thick-skinned because there will be criticism from all sectors, but I would like to have a president who appreciated constructive criticism and used it to become stronger as a person or a nation. I would love to see virtual town hall meetings in different states where the president could listen and respond to citizens even when it isn’t a voting year.

I would hope the president would want to be surrounded by diversity in his inner circle so that he could hear opinions from different backgrounds, and I hope he would respect disagreement because discussions like that can inspire change.

My ideal president could present a strong image to the world while spreading messages of unity and tolerance instead of divisiveness and hate.

He or she would build back our educational system as well as build our trust in our government.

What do you think? Is it possible to have a president who can keep our country strong and work toward the right ideals, or do we have to begin to revamp our political system before we see change?

My husband has a workshop full of every tool you could imagine. He can fix almost anything, tinker to his heart’s content, and build all kinds of tools. Having all those tools is useful in daily life, but not all of us our gifted at using machinery. What if we found a way to use a different type of tool to help us through life? What if we could use thoughts as tools? How would we wield them? Here are a few ideas.

Positive thoughts

Positive thoughts have a way of producing positive energy that can cause positive results. Experiment by seeing if positive thoughts can make a difference. When we pull into a restaurant that looks busy I always say we will get right in, and most of the time it works.

Change perspective

Keep your mind open to the possibilities. It could help your mental state to see things in a different way.

Empathy

Understanding what others are experiencing can help to understand their actions and eliminate misunderstandings.

Grace

Give yourself grace and don’t be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, so learn from the latest one and move on.

Motivation/goals

Especially when times are hard, make some goals to motivate you to move forward.

Tenacity

Being tough mentally can help us make it through many hard times. We all want to curl up and have a pity party sometimes, but as long as you come back ready to fight another day everything will be o.k.

Have you ever been discouraged when you were not invited to a certain party, or not included in a lunch with colleagues? Have you been trying to figure out why an immediate family member does not want to spend time with you? Do you feel guilty about the salary you expect? The answers to all of these and more involve your self-worth, and the strength or weakness of your self-worth will affect everything in your life. You should accept yourself for who you are, see your strengths, and work on your weaknesses. You deserve to be valued. Let me give you a few examples.

Your time

Your time is precious and should be valued. Although you have to extend grace when something unavoidable happens when someone shows up to a meeting or a visit later than it was arranged, that person is disrespecting your time and it is o.k. to bring that to someone’s attention.

Value your own time by prioritizing your day in a way that benefits you the most and helps you to accomplish your goals and responsibilities.

Value yourself enough to use some of that time for self-care.

Your presence

You don’t have to convince anyone that you are worth being with. Sometimes you can have more fun alone and be happy than feeling as if you coerced someone to spend time with you. I have a close family member who has turned down family invitations for the last two years. Until recently, it has hurt me and I have tried to understand the reason, but I have finally decided that he can choose to spend time with us or not, and although I will continue to love him, I am not going to try to convince him to do it.

Your affection

You are who you are, and people need to accept you and love you that way or find someone else who they prefer to be around. Don’t worry how many people think you are a rock star. One good friend is enough.

Your worth in money

If you deliver quality work you deserve to be paid for it. There are businesses that are trying to pay as little as possible for a service, so don’t settle for less than the standard rate for what you do.

I read an article yesterday about writing, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. The point of the article was that you cannot consider yourself a writer merely because you write. According to the author, a real writer has to have impeccable grammar, know his purpose for writing, and always have something profound to say. Anything less than this is drivel, and the person should not consider himself a writer.

As you can guess I had quite a few reactions to this. My first reaction was that no one should be the self-appointed gatekeeper for good or bad writing. One of the wonderful aspects of a creative process is that one person might see beauty where someone else does not. All forms of art are open to interpretation and putting strict rules on self-expression silences many of the possibilities. To say it simply, I don’t think we need to color within the lines for something to be amazing.

My next reaction was I hoped his article did not dissuade someone from writing. When I first started writing I didn’t want anyone to see what I had produced because I was sure I wasn’t good enough and I wasn’t a real writer. I continued because writing is a passion for me. It is my way to express myself, and I also hope that some of my articles can help someone. I hope as I continue to write that I also continue to improve, but whether my articles are good or bad, I am a writer.

One of the examples that the author used to prove you can only be a writer if you can check off the list of his standards was that he can run, but that doesn’t make him a runner. As an avid runner who is blessed with some speed and an ability to run distance, I never understand when someone calls me a real runner. In my mind, if you run, you are a runner, and if you write, you are a writer.

Don’t let haters keep you from doing something you love. If you love to write you should write. Break a few rules, improve your craft, and encourage other writers instead of throwing water on their dreams.   

As a French teacher, I have always told my students that a trip to France will be easier if they speak the language. I have seen the frustration when someone wants to communicate but does not know the right words to express their thoughts. I have also had people on our trips tell me that they saw that I was treated differently because I know the language. You can imagine my surprise when my husband proved my theory about needing to know the language to be false.

We recently went to Paris to celebrate 41 years of marriage, and I was a little nervous since my husband cannot say anything besides hello and thank you. I found out quickly that I had no reason to worry. He would talk to someone in English, not because he thought everyone should speak his language, but because it was his only option. If English didn’t work, he would use gestures to communicate. I was surprised at how well it worked. We were in a café where the waitress did not speak English, but when she put a huge dollop of mashed potatoes on his plate, the astonished look he gave made her laugh, and from that point on, they were teasing each other and having me translate. When we were in the Musée D’Orsay, he stood on a bench to take a photo, and instantly there was a guard telling me he couldn’t do that. He knew what she was saying by her tone, so he swished his bum around on the bench to clean up any dirt he had left. He made her laugh, and she showed us a special way to go to the top.

There was only one time that we had a small incident. We were buying some flowers for the hotel manager because she had been so sweet to us, and I was giving the florist some general ideas of what we would like. As she began to construct the bouquet, my husband started to question her choices. I almost died because criticizing a florist in France is almost as bad as saying you don’t like what you have been served in a restaurant. Thankfully, when he saw the final product he apologized and told her how beautiful it was.

I saw him approach each interaction with the joy that comes with meeting someone new and interesting. He was never nervous, but that might have been because he had a personal translator with him. I have been hesitant to visit countries where I don’t know the language, but after watching my husband’s success I would like to give it a try. I am also happy to report that my husband has been using the new words he learned. I hear him during the day saying, “Eh, voilà” (and there it is!) and “C’est la vie!” (That’s life!”) He proved to me he doesn’t need much more than that.

If you are anything like me you have felt your share of parental guilt. It can come in different forms. You might feel guilty when your child doesn’t do well in school as you ask yourself how you could have been more supportive or worked with him more. It could be when your child gets in trouble, and you ask yourself if there was something you could have done to prevent your child from doing that. The worse form of guilt for me comes when your child tells you that you disappointed them, and you let them down in some way. This is what happened today as my youngest and I were driving to lunch, and instead of deflating me, it initially made me angry. Then I had an epiphany when I realized that we have to stop blaming ourselves as parents and let our children own the results of their actions. Here is what happened in the car.

We were talking about depression, and I told her I felt so bad when her sister said she was depressed that I didn’t understand depression and thought she was being ungrateful and didn’t realize everything she had. I told Kate, “I tried to do better when you told me you were depressed too.” Kate said, “Mom, you told me the same thing. You said I wasn’t grateful for what I had.” I told her I had said I used to think that, but I did not say that, and we put her in counseling immediately. I then said, “Kate, I am not a perfect parent, but I have done my best, and supported and loved you as much as I could.” At that point, it hit me that there were very difficult moments with all three children. Although I love them all unconditionally, there were some rough bumps along the way, so why as parents do we not give ourselves more grace when our children drive us a little crazy?

I am going to be kinder to myself when I consider whether I have been a good parent or not because my children have all survived to adulthood, they are good people, and they are well-loved. I hope you will also give yourself grace, and the next time they mention something you did wrong, turn the tables and tell a story of your own.

I often hear people say they do not have a special gift. They do not think they can offer anything special to those around them, but these people are inevitably the ones who offer the most without even realizing it. Think for a moment and ask yourself what your gift is. In case you are having trouble coming up with an answer, here are some possible gifts that you may be giving without thinking about it.

• Strong faith: I know several people who have not had an easy life, but instead of being bitter and asking, “Why me?” they trust completely in God’s plan and feel that God will provide what they need to make it through any hardship. Faith like that is inspirational because many people will claim a belief in God until something goes wrong. It takes strong faith to carry on in his name no matter what test is put before you. When people show this faith, they are gifting others with peace and hope. Leave your worries at his feet and be the best you can be.
• Gifts of food: Food can lift your spirits and giving food is an act of love. If you know someone who is struggling, bring over a meal, and watch their face light up.
• Compliments: We could all probably find something negative and positive about everyone around us. I choose to look for the positive and I also choose to comment on it. We all need a little ego boost now and then, so hearing that we did a good job, or another positive point can encourage us.
• Guidance: At some point, everyone needs some advice and a little guidance to get back on track. It’s probably best to wait until someone asks for your advice before you start giving it though.
• Joy: Happy people are like magnets; they are fun to be around. They can see the positive in everything, and the laughter is contagious.
• A strong spirit: I love being inspired by the people who refuse to let circumstances keep them down. Whether they are struggling with physical, personal, or financial hardships, they keep getting back up and fighting with everything they have to achieve their goals.
• Being present: This is one of the greatest gifts and is sometimes difficult to give. At my school, the students often want to come in before or between classes to talk. Although there are always a zillion things that need to be done, I will put everything down and focus on them every time because I think it is more important. Our children often want us to be with them, and as mine grow older I find I do not care what they are doing, I only want to spend time with them.

Of course, there are the gifts that we think of first, like being able to sing like an angel, paint like Michelangelo, or dance like Misty Copeland, but the everyday gifts are as important and as needed as the gifts that make someone a standout. Use your gifts generously and be amazed at the difference you can make.