Life is a roller coaster ride. One minute we are riding at the top and the next minute our life seems to be spiraling down out of control. We experience varying degrees of challenges and heartbreak, and sometimes individuals do not have any idea how to get their lives back on track after a tragedy or setback. Here are five suggestions that I propose to make the situation better.

1. Get support from friends

We often hesitate to ask friends for help bouncing back from something, because we do not want to burden them, but the truth is that most friends would jump at the chance to do something for another friend. One of the worst feelings is to see a friend going through a hard time and not having any idea how to help. Let your friends know what you need and be sure to be there for them when they need it. A support system of friends and family will make you feel as if you are strong enough to get through a rough period.

• Do something for someone else

The fastest way to forget about your own problems is to help someone else with theirs. Helping others makes you realize that everyone has some needs. It will take your mind off of your problems and make you feel good as you try to help someone else. The wonderful thing about helping someone else is that it doesn’t require money or a major commitment, it only requires you spending some time with someone, maybe making them a meal or providing another service for them.

• Make a plan for recovery

Sitting down and brainstorming some ideas to help you get back on track will help you see the possibilities for recovery. Ask friends for their advice and sift through what they say to decide what works for you. Be honest with yourself about what you need.

• Spoil yourself

There are times in your life when it is ok for it to be all about you. When you are going through a difficult time, do all the things that you enjoy and enjoy them guilt-free.

• Take some time out

Sometimes the best remedy is to cocoon. Stay home, order Chinese and eat Ben and Jerry’s ice cream from the box. Just make sure you do it for a limited time, especially the ice cream part.

Life is full of ups and downs, but it is meant to be lived with passion and emotion and that means that we have to deal with heartache as well as joy. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what life throws at us, but how we deal with it.

I would never claim to be wise because I know with every day and each new person I meet I will learn something new. There are however certain things I have learned in life through a combination of some hard lessons and a lot of observation. Here are fifty of those little pearls of wisdom.

Everyone has issues that they are dealing with. Many times, the people who seem to have it the most together are the ones with the most significant issues, so remember that instead of wishing you could be like them.

Need is everywhere. We should do what we can when we can.

Hugs are healing and should be given freely.

No one is a perfect parent. The best parents give love freely, set boundaries, and give out consequences when the boundaries are breached. Give yourself grace and do the best you can.

Imperfection is often more interesting than perfection, so don’t worry that you don’t have it all together. I put my shirt on backward…again.

Everyone has value and needs to be valued.

A simple smile can turn someone’s whole day around.

Spirituality is all around you if you are ready to accept it.

Being healthy is not rocket science and it’s not achieved in 5 minutes or from a pill.

The things we value don’t usually come easily.

Failure really does teach you more than success.

Never give up because you could be a breath away from success.

It’s o.k. to keep doing it wrong until you get it right.

Run away from toxic things and people.

Fear destroys dreams.

Love makes a difference.

Reality differs from person to person.

Politeness is something that everyone should practice.

Acts of kindness have a domino effect.

Doing something nice for someone else is the quickest way to make yourself feel better.

You can learn something from everyone.

Stress can kill you.

Worrying is wasted energy.

Positive thinking really does work.

What you do whether good or bad will come back to you.

People will treat you the way you let them treat you.

Learning new things stimulates your brain.

We should all believe in miracles.

Children know how to live best.

Blessings are all around us.

Realizing what we have is more important than complaining about what we don’t.

It’s not what happens to you it’s how you react to it.

A bad day is a choice.

Attitude can change everything.

Laughter is the best medicine.

A sense of humor makes everything better.

When a friend betrays you, forgiving them doesn’t mean you ever will be friends again, it only means you are releasing both the relationship and the negative feelings it causes.

When it comes to friends, quality not quantity counts.

Service to others is a way to give back.

Hard work does pay off.

Setting goals is a great motivator.

Slow down a little to enjoy life more.

Sleep and how much you get of it can affect everything else you do.

Never feel guilty for occasionally doing nothing.

Showing an interest in other people can teach us more about ourselves.

It’s never all about you.

Simple is always best.

Walk away from drama.

You cannot say I love you too much.

Reading makes you smarter.

I am a high-energy person who wants to do a million things, and who can never find enough time to do them all. It is difficult for me to sit still because as soon as I sit down I start to think about what else I could be doing. I have finally discovered that living this way means I am missing many important things. Let me tell you what I mean.

When you move too fast, you observe less

My husband and I went to Paris for our fortieth anniversary. I am a retired French teacher, and I have been to Paris about twenty times with family and friends. The area I know the best is the Latin Quarter, and one of my favorite spots is the Luxembourg Gardens. Whenever we are there I start my morning off with a run through the gardens. If you asked me before this trip if I knew the garden well I would tell you that I know every corner. This trip though I had a torn meniscus, so instead of a run through the garden I had to walk which was great for my husband who wanted to walk with me. The strange thing about this trip was that as we slowly meandered through the garden I noticed things I had never noticed before. I never knew the garden had a beehive, or that there were gardening classes offered. We saw many statues I had never noticed before, and we interacted with some French elementary students who were on a scavenger hunt. I would have missed out on all of that if I had been moving at a faster pace.

When you sit still animals and babies come to snuggle

Since I have retired I have more time and less stress, and I am realizing what happens when you sit down for a minute. If I sit on the floor while we are babysitting my grandson stops by in between running here and there to sit on my leg or steal a drink from my water bottle, and the dog and cat keep me company. My youngest comes in the room, sees me immobile, and sits down to share what is going on in her life.

When you stop and sit in the quiet you hear things you didn’t before

Do you ever stop and listen to the sounds around you? For most of my life, I have been moving too fast to notice. Today it is raining and the steady beat of the rain on the skylight is peaceful.

Being still gives your mind time to work fully and be creative

Finding time to sit in the quiet gives you a chance to reflect without distractions. I am the most creative when I can fully focus on my writing.

Stillness carries a sense of calm and peace

When you take the time to stop and be still, you can feel the calm envelop you. A sense of peace settles in.

Do you have a spot in your house where everyone drops things either because they are too lazy to put them where they should go, or because no one is really sure where they should go? I’m ashamed to say that in our house there are several. As I look at the dining room table, I see the paper that my daughter used to work out some math problems, my husband has left two zip-up jackets and my daughter has left one, there is a shopping bag, a knee brace, and several other random items. I would like to tell you that this is the only spot where this happens, but there are drawers filled with assorted items, and then there are the closets.

Although I imagine that we are not the only family with some clutter, I also know that it is healthy to clean it up from time to time. There are many benefits to decluttering your personal space. Let me share a few with you.

Your extra could be a treasure to someone else

Our neighbor’s mom was having a tough time and when I said I was cleaning out my closet, she asked if she could have the extra clothes for her mom. She told me later that she also kept some for herself. It makes us feel good to be able to help others. Anything that helps us and someone else with our mental health is a bonus.

A sense of order

There is a wonderful sense of calm when you can see items being put in the correct spot or eliminated from your house. When everything looks clean and orderly, we can breathe easier.

Regaining control

Having too much clutter can make you feel out of control and overwhelmed. It feels as if the clutter is taking over, and you are not sure where to begin to clean it up. Decluttering your house feels like you are cleaning up your life.

Finding forgotten items

I love when I am cleaning out a drawer and I find something very useful that I forgot about. It’s like finding buried treasure. Of course, the best is when you find forgotten money that was stashed in a pocket or a drawer.

Your clutter can be sold

You can have a yard sale or sell your clutter online. Not only will you be cleaning your space, but you will also be making a profit while doing it.

The best way to declutter without being overwhelmed is to do a little at a time. Maybe do two drawers one day, and a closet another day.

I have always thought that animals can teach us all the important lessons in life. They are good judges of character, they know the importance of rest and food, and they know that love changes everything. We are in our second year with our dog Bandit, and we continue to be amazed by him. My husband is astounded by his speed and agility. He comes home after taking him to a large field where he throws the Frisbee for him and he shakes his head and says, “Jen, I’ve never seen a dog this fast, and you can tell he just loves to go all out.” My daughter loves how he plays with my grandson who was born a month after him. She says he becomes annoyed at his dogs because they don’t drop the tennis ball at Parker’s feet, and then catch it when Parker throws it. I appreciate his intelligence and his loving nature. Here are a few more lessons that he has taught us this year.

Gut health can be a game changer

Bandit has a very sensitive stomach, so we have to be careful what we give him to eat. He is extremely high-energy, so making sure his stomach can function well is important. I learned that there are dog Pepto tablets. We have a large tub of them, and Bandit thinks they are treats.

Not everyone wants to engage

Bandit has a best buddy and when they get together, they both go crazy. They have to circle the house multiple times at breakneck speed until they are calm enough to explore sticks and sniff around. There is another dog though that doesn’t want anything to do with Bandit, and Bandit has learned not even to go near him.

The simple things are best

I am grateful for all the love and laughter Bandit has given me. On rainy days, we keep a towel near the door to dry him off. He runs up the stairs and goes straight to the towel because being dried off means belly rubs. He leans into me, and I’m sure he is thinking, “Take your time!”

Good food is the spice of life

Bandit looks like he is in heaven when he is eating. After his breakfast, I give him a greenie to help his teeth, and he runs over to me when he has finished his bowl because he knows what is coming next.

Love makes everything better

When we first got Bandit, I was worried that he would not get along with the cats, but they are best buddies. Our fourteen-year-old cat recently died when we were on a trip. I asked my daughter where she found him, and she said he was lying next to Bandit’s crate.

 I had two unfortunate health situations this summer, and although both were unexpected, caused a fair amount of anxiety, and forced me to spend a lot of money and build a healthcare team that I had never had before, both incidents taught me valuable lessons, and I hope a few will resonate with you.

More is not always better

As a runner, I used to think that to be a better runner I needed to run more. My first health issue involves a torn meniscus and a baker’s cyst because my dog hit my knee running full speed on his way to his frisbee. I also think my increased running mileage contributed to the injury. As I began rehabilitation, I realized that a variety of exercises in my routine and strength work to build all my muscles and protect against injury was what I needed to do. Doing too much can be as harmful as doing too little. The expression work smarter not harder can be applied to exercise.

It could always be worse/be grateful

My other health issue was a sudden a fib condition which means that sometimes my heart beats too fast causing my pulse to race and making it difficult to breathe. It can sometimes lead to a stroke. I had my first ambulance ride because of it, and there were tears, and I had a huge pity party because I thought it would limit me and I hate limitations. Of course, I almost immediately saw people around me who were struggling with much worse than I was, and I realized I needed to realize that both health issues that I had could be fixed. If you are struggling with a health problem, do your best to stay positive because I believe strongly that your attitude helps your recovery.

I have learned to be even more grateful since before these things happened. My knee is slowly healing, and I have run most of two 3-mile races the last two Saturdays. I ran them very slowly, but I was so happy to be doing what I am so passionate about.

Embrace the change of perspective

When life throws us a curve ball, we have to adjust our perspective and pivot to work around whatever new challenge we are faced with overcoming. When I go to races now I carry a small pack at my waist that has medicine in it in case I have an attack. My friends know where it is in case I cannot get to it. Instead of feeling broken because I have to do this, I am grateful that there is still a way for me to compete. Having to move slower because of my knee has shown me what it is like at the back of a race. What I see is a lot of inspiring stories. There are people who are showing up despite challenges because they know it is good for them.

Be patient

When we stumble in our health journey it sometimes takes time and patience to get back on track. I injured my knee four months ago, and I try to keep a good attitude, but sometimes I feel broken, and I want to go out and run full tilt. Believe that you will eventually be better. Manifest good health by stating only positive things about your future health.

Speak up with your doctor

After having a series of heart tests, my cardiologist said he thought my A fib attack was only a weird occurrence that probably wouldn’t happen again. I stopped taking medicine, but I had two more attacks three months later. When I contacted the office, I was asked if I wanted to increase my medicine. I replied that I would rather find the cause of the attacks instead of using medicine as a band-aid. I now have an appointment to see if we can find out what is happening. Don’t hesitate to express concerns and ask questions of your doctor.

Be resilient

Don’t be passive with your health. A friend was injured at the same time I was. We decided that not only were we going to heal, but we were also going to come back stronger. Make a plan.

Be hopeful

It is easy to have bad days when you question whether you will fully recover, but the chances are you will. Keep looking for more solutions and talk to other people who have experienced the same thing.

Know when you need help

I would advise you to seek professional help as soon as you need it. I did things a little backward with my knee because I did not have a good experience six years ago when I strained it, so this time I waited until I could barely walk then I went to physical therapy, and then to an orthopedist.

Pray

I believe in the power of prayer, and I have been sending up quite a few this year! Prayer is positive thought with a powerful destination.

I am hoping that the next year is a year filled with great health and full recovery.

What are the things in your life that make you excited and motivated to achieve some goals? Is there something that always works to push you out of a routine rut, or a mental funk? Here are a few ideas that work for me to inspire me and give me positive motivation.

Music

I love listening to good music, and it has always been able to help motivate me. It’s hard to stay still when some heart-pumping beats are playing. I love watching my 15-month-old grandson when music comes on and he does his version of dancing. He shows me that music has the power to make you move physically and to move you emotionally.

Changing my perspective

Have you ever woken up in a mood for no reason? I always tell my children and students that you can turn your mood around because you are the one in charge of whether you have a bad day or a good one. Unpleasant things can happen, but you have the choice about how to respond. Motivation is difficult when you are negative.

Laughter

My husband has a child’s laughter as his phone ringtone. When it goes off in public everyone around us smiles. Laughter lifts your mood and makes everything seem better.

A fun activity

When I know that I am going to do something fun that day I feel more motivated and energized.

Making new goals

If you feel as if you are in a routine rut, sit down and make some new goals. When you have some fresh ideas to improve yourself, you will be more motivated.

A run

When I am feeling sluggish, going for a run clears my brain, and makes me feel more motivated. You can substitute a different activity for the run. It only has to be something to get you moving.

Good food

I love food and consider it one of the greatest pleasures in life. It definitely motivates me when I know an amazing meal is going to happen.

After forty years of racing, I have seen some crazy things happen on the road and trail that occurred because of a lapse of common sense in the safety department. Here are a few reminders to help you with safety on race day.

Selfies while running

A woman was running in front of me when she lifted her phone and stared at the screen as she tried to take a selfie of herself and the runners behind her. Because she was focused on her phone and not the road, she collided with the curb and went down hard. Selfies are best-taken standing still.

The children

I love to see children racing, and I always hope running will become a passion for them, but the way they run in a race can be hazardous if you are not alert. They tend to sprint out at the beginning, but then they will stop abruptly with no warning. They also occasionally wind in and out of crowds of runners without a sense of space. Cheer them on, revel in their joy, but be alert if one is in front of you.

The scary start

Barely bridled excitement, runners crowded together, and a sudden start can be the perfect storm. I have seen several people tripped in the first several feet, fall, and create a nasty domino effect. Be focused before the start. Don’t talk to the runner standing next to you or be thinking of what you want to do the rest of the day. Be present at that moment.

Signal to stop

Runners can be just as distracted as drivers, so if you are running in a crowd, raise your arm to signal you are stopping to avoid having someone collide with you.

Turn the music down

There are some races that ask runners not to wear earbuds because they see it as a safety hazard. There are many times when you need to hear what is happening around you, and music can keep you from being able to do this. I know some people use music to focus, but you might want to turn down the volume to stay safe.

Passing in trail races

It is customary to say, “On your left.” when you want to pass in a trail race. This gives the runner you are passing a chance to let you go by while keeping sure footing. Be aware of where you are when passing through. I was in a recent trail race when I came around a sharp corner and saw a steep drop to my right. I was thankful no one wanted to pass at that moment.

Don’t follow too closely in a trail race

The only thing worse than falling in a race is taking someone down with you. Falling is a common occurrence in trail racing because there are roots and stones to navigate. Because falling is relatively common it’s not a good idea to run too close to the person in front of you.

Train for your race

I have had conversations with runners at races who had no idea what their friends had talked them into doing. You could survive a 5k without much training, even though you will be sore the next day, but I spoke to a young man doing a half who had never run a race or trained for one. He was miserable.

Bring an emergency kit

This is especially important for me because I fall quite a bit on trails, but I have also been able to help other runners because I am prepared for everything. Many races hand out sample packets of first aid medicine. I save these and bring them to races. At one race, I was running with a friend that I describe as a giant because he is so tall. We went through some low-hanging branches, and my friend was stung by several hornets. Luckily, I had some ointment for stings in my bag. He told me later, “Jen, you saved me!” In your kit, have some cleansing wipes, first aid cream, band-aids, KT tape, Tylenol, sunscreen, and ginger candies for stomach upset.

I hope these ideas help to keep you safe out on the run. I would love to hear some of your ideas.

My husband and I are polar opposites politically. We belong to different parties, but our biggest differences involve the way we believe our political system should work. I believe both parties should work together for the good of our nation while he sees the two parties as a competition, and he will follow his party blindly as long as it means a win. I believe partisan politics is divisive, and we will get more done with bipartisan politics, but he believes that only his party knows how to lead correctly. He also voted for a candidate that he admits has no business in a leadership position only because he was a member of his party. When I asked if he thought it made more sense to vote for the best candidate, he looked at me as if I was crazy. You can imagine those political discussions do not go well in a house divided, but I decided to find a way to discuss the issues with him.

Meet emotions with calm

My husband’s first reaction to a political question from me used to be anger. He would immediately allow his emotions to escalate, and I knew if I met him on the same emotional level the discussion would go nowhere. I stayed calm and stated my opinion. It was interesting to see my lack of emotion eventually diffuse his. Once the emotion is removed, and no one feels threatened, you can have a discussion.

Have your facts ready

There have been several times when my husband will tell me why someone in my party has done something wrong, and I knew the facts to prove him wrong. I will admit though that I am not nearly as knowledgeable on the issues as I should be. An example of this is immigration. I think it is a complex issue, and I don’t know what the answer is. When I said this, my husband went into emotional escalation and said, “I don’t know why the president is letting everyone into our country. Maybe he is hoping that they will vote for him.” My daughter looked at him with that look of what in the world teenagers are so good at doing, and she said, “Dad, they can’t vote.” I have rarely seen my husband speechless, but that is what too much emotion does to your brain.

Try to understand

There have been many situations when I cannot wrap my brain around my husband’s way of thinking, but I always want to hear other opinions, so I ask questions to understand, and I make sure it does not sound as if I am attacking his opinion. I start off by saying things like, “I hear what you are saying.” Once he doesn’t feel as if I am attacking, he is more willing to have a discussion.

I wish I could tell you that we are now on the same page politically, but there are still some chasms in our differences of opinion, but at least we can discuss the issues civilly.

Navigating relationships can be exhausting, and if you are a people pleaser who wants everyone to be happy, it can be even worse. During the holidays, there are often more conflicts than usual because stress is high, and energy is low. Forming boundaries is a great way to keep a situation from getting out of control because the tension has finally boiled over. Here are a few ways to ease some relationship strain and communicate what you need from other people.

Don’t blame the other person

If you immediately start to tell someone what he is doing wrong, he will become defensive and probably stop listening because he is busy forming his counterattack. Let him know that you are sure the problem is that you didn’t adequately communicate your needs, and then tell him what those needs are. Here is an example. I love to garden, but I have limited space, so one of my garden beds is outside of the enclosed garden. My husband and our neighbor throw the frisbee to our dogs out there, and they think it’s funny when the neighbor’s huge dog runs into my garden bed leaving his footprints and havoc in his wake. Instead of being angry, I calmly told my husband that I was sure he didn’t know there were plants in there, and could he please not allow the dog to run in there. They have not done it since, but in case my verbal barrier didn’t work, I put up a small fence as well.

Confront a controller calmly

I had a colleague who didn’t think anyone else could do anything as well as she could, so she often moved out of her lane, and tried to tell others how to do her job. I sat down with her and told her I knew she was only trying to help everyone, but sometimes the way she went about it was insulting to others. A controller can wear you out, and you will probably have to keep working on the boundaries.

Take out the emotion

I had another colleague who did not have a filter. She said whatever she was thinking, and it was often hurtful. She once came into my school club and was angry that one of her students was in with me. I had prepared lunch for them, so she said in front of all my students, “You are here just for the food.” She then demanded that her student leave with her. I waited until our club time was done, and I went to find her. I told her that I knew she didn’t realize how hurtful she had been, but what she said was not appropriate. She apologized. Do not let someone treat you like a doormat, but don’t let your emotions control you either.

Don’t accept drama

I love my oldest daughter with all my heart, but she is my drama queen, and she has stirred up drama anytime she could. I finally realized that it takes two to have a drama, so one day I said, “I’m done with the drama. I love you, but You will have to have drama by yourself.

I hope these ideas help you to control your relationships a little. If someone doesn’t respect the boundaries you are asking for, it may be time to walk away.