Do you find yourself thinking you should be doing better in different aspects of your life? Do you become overwhelmed trying to decide what you need to do to meet others’ expectations? I used to do that all the time. I never thought I was measuring up to standards, but one day When I said I needed to do better at something my husband said, “As long as you are doing your best that’s enough.”

I do believe in continued growth and lifelong learning, but my husband is right that we are too hard on ourselves, and as long as we are doing the best we can at the moment that is all we can give. My daughter was visiting with my grandson, and she said, “Mom, I know I should be a better parent, but I’m tired.” I told her she is doing a great job because he is well-loved, taken care of, and happy. Parenting is a tough job that doesn’t come with a guidebook since all our children are slightly unique. Do your best to raise good humans and give yourself some grace.

In the workplace, we are constantly compared and judged, so it can help our mental health if we focus on our tasks and do them the best we can instead of worrying about what opinions our colleagues have. Stay positive and lift others up while avoiding the negative and you will contribute to the best a workplace can have.

Our relationships can wreak havoc with our stress levels too. Most people have at least one family member who the rest of the family talks about while trying to understand the behavior. Do your best to love on those you care about and realize that you will not understand why everyone acts the way they do, and it’s not your job to change them.

I hope you will spend more time being content in giving the best you have instead of feeling you are never enough.

We all end up facing challenges during our lives, and although we usually cannot always keep them from happening, we always have choices in how we react to them.

Have you ever noticed that the challenging moments seem to come in waves? This is what happened to me last year. When I was telling a friend everything that happened he looked at me and said, “Did someone curse you?” Let me tell you my story, and what I did about it. I hope my reactions to these challenges will give you some ideas about how you can crush your own challenges.

I had gone with my daughter on a woman’s retreat that she had arranged. There were 15 women in a beautiful house in Santa Rosa who were ready to relax for the weekend. Saturday morning, my daughter and several of the women were going down to the beach for a yoga lesson. I told my daughter I was going for a quick run and then I would meet them to walk down to the beach and while they were doing yoga I would walk the beach. I only had time to run 2 miles, but it was a great run, and I felt very strong even though it was very hot even at 7:30 a.m. I stopped right outside our pool entrance when suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath and I was lightheaded. I sat down and my pulse was racing, but I thought it would pass. I walked inside and told the women I didn’t feel right, but I would come to the beach and sit and I was sure I would feel better. When the yoga class started, and I was sitting to the side I had to lie down and I could feel my chest moving and I was lightheaded. I really thought I was going to die. I started talking to God and begging him not to take me yet.

When the yoga class was done Jess came over and said she was just going to walk in the water for a minute. I said, “Jess, I think I need to go to Urgent Care.” When we arrived they determined I needed to go to the hospital, so I had my first ambulance ride. The doctor diagnosed me with an irregular heartbeat, (AFIB). When he left the room I cried because I saw that diagnosis as a limitation to my running which is one of my greatest passions. He also told me I would probably be on medication for the rest of my life (I hate taking medication). He also told me I was not allowed to do the ultra-marathon that I had been training for the last few months that was scheduled for the following week.

This is where I would like to offer several ways to crush your challenges. #1 Accept your emotions and let yourself have a brief pity party. Denying how you feel only causes issues later. #2 Set a goal to overcome the challenge. My husband and I had already booked a cabin near the ultra, and although I knew it would be difficult I went to pick up my packet. I had already e-mailed the race organizer to let her know what happened. When we arrived, the race director asked me if I wanted to do a few loops. I told her no, but I would see her next year. I made that race my goal, and I dragged my husband with me, so next Saturday he will be doing his first ultra!

I had to take every heart test known to man, but they all came back saying my heart was strong. I ended up with no answers for the AFIB. I tried to not take the medication which I was told I only needed to take as needed, but I had three more episodes, so I now take half of a beta blocker pill each day and I have not had another episode since doing that.

I am nervous every time I do a race especially trail races when there is usually some time when no one else is around me. I have told my husband I am nervous which I normally would not do because he wants to keep me safe in bubble wrap, but he has been incredibly supportive. I carry medication on a belt when I run, and my friends know where to find it. I also monitor my pulse on my running watch. #3 Be transparent about your challenges and don’t be afraid to ask for help. #4 Have a plan and be prepared.

I thought the AFIB was enough to deal with, but then a month later I tore my meniscus and could barely walk let alone run. When the MRI results came back and I told my husband, he turned pale because he knows that running is my lifeline. He wasn’t sure how I would react, but I decided to fight instead of crumple. #5 Adjust your attitude for success and come back stronger. #6 Find the resources you need to accomplish #5. I went to physical therapy for several weeks and then used weight training to strengthen the muscles around my knee. #7 Be patient and accept there will be setbacks. There were times when I was discouraged and I wanted my knee to heal faster, but It helped when friends who had dealt with the same thing told me it took time.

#8 Keep the words of wisdom running in your head. Several doctors had said the same thing to me. “Keep moving. You will improve faster if you keep moving.” My orthopedist gave me permission to do an ultra-shortly after the diagnosis as long as I walked it. He told me, “Keep moving, but don’t make it angry.” I think about that often when I am racing.

#9 Know your limits When I run now, I am constantly evaluating my body. I won’t let my pulse go over a certain number. If it gets too high I walk until it calms down. My knee is 95% healed, but I still listen for any sign of pain.

#10 Adjust your approach. There are so many different ways to reach success at whatever you are doing. If one way doesn’t work, try something different. I have adjusted my training and I am beginning to run stronger. I take one complete rest day, and I run whatever mileage feels comfortable. I also am doing more cross-training and stretching.

I hope my story helps you. Know that even though life throws you some challenges you can fight through them and come back stronger.

I have a feeling most people answered this question immediately with a yes. Most of us lead hectic lives as we fulfill the many responsibilities in life. We want to do our jobs well, we need to create strong relationships with friends and family, and we should find time for self-care.

We are all busy, but are you too busy? Are relationships and your health suffering? Are you unhappy and overwhelmed? Is work interfering with home? If you said yes to these questions then you are too busy. Let me tell you why you should make changes, and then suggest how you can change the chaos.

If you are not taking care of yourself, everything else will suffer. Too much stress will eventually take a toll on your body, and if you are ill, you cannot be there for anyone else.

Your family and friends need you and you need them. When I retired I realized how much my family needed me to be there, but instead, I was working late, on a trip, or exhausted from working too hard. One of the things that still hurts my heart is that I baked so many items for my students that my children would ask, “Is this for us?” before they became excited about what I made. Now, my husband comes out of his office and wants to share what he is doing, and my youngest wants help with her college work. I babysit for my grandson and my daughter calls every day to tell me about her day. I had a chance to go back to work, and when I asked my family if I should, they answered with a fast no.

You miss things when you are moving too fast. When your mind is consumed with all the responsibilities you have to complete you aren’t listening well, and you won’t see some of the critical moments around you.

You aren’t as productive when you are too busy. It’s like a hamster spinning on a wheel. You are moving fast, but you aren’t accomplishing as much as you can.

Here are a few ideas to help you control the chaos.

Make a to-do list and prioritize what you need to do. Do mission-critical first.

Set boundaries. As much as possible leave work at the office and prioritize time for family and friends.

Take care of your health both mental and physical.

Ask for help and learn how to delegate.

Take some time to do something mindless and fun. You need time to recharge.

Slow down a little and see the difference it can make in the quality of your life.

I coached cross-country for many years, and I’m an avid runner myself, so when my friend asked me to help her shave a few minutes off her race time I began to think of the tips I believe in myself and what I told my runners.

Most runners know that taking a few minutes off your race time is not as easy as it sounds, and it usually is a matter of improving by seconds each race, but those seconds add up to minutes and you can shave them off with training efficiency and race efficiency.

Training efficiency involves training in the way that works best for you. I believe that there are always certain components that need to be individualized because not all of the same things work as well for everyone. Here are a few ideas though that seem to work for the majority of runners.

I once asked a man who I knew was a fast runner what his secret for speed was. He said, “I run fast.” Now, although I was looking for a slightly more complex formula what he said held the basic truth that if you want to be fast you have to practice running fast. If you asked me that question I would answer that you need to do a variety of running including speed work, hill running, cross training, and weight training, and you should run a variety of terrains and distances. You also need to have adequate rest and I know that is the most difficult part to achieve for a runner, but you will perform better when you are rested. When you are at a race ask the other runners how they train.

Race efficiency can happen after you have been efficient with your training. It is several different tricks you can use to shave time off your finishing time.

Start towards the front.

Many people move to the back because they believe only the elite runners should be in front, unfortunately, if you move too far back you will be blocked in, and you will lose time at the start. I always start behind the faster runners and then I move to the right so that anyone faster than I am can go by easily.

Use the corners.

When you turn corners, turn them tight. Do not swing wide and head down the middle.

Vary your pace

I know you often hear people say you should keep a steady pace, but I think you need to vary it depending on where you are on the course. If I’m going up a hill I need to shorten my stride, if I’m going downhill I can speed up and allow gravity to help me. A running watch can help you with pace because I also speed up if I want a better time per mile.

Make the hills your friends.

I know this is a hard sell, but the hills are the spots where you are going to leave competitors behind. Hills defeat more people mentally than they do physically. Don’t let that happen to you. There are a few things you can do to keep running up the hill.

Shorten your stride and lean in slightly.

If someone starts walking next to you encourage him to keep running. If he does then you are committed to keep going too because you can’t let down the person you just helped.

Imagine the hill is a challenge you want to overcome and don’t allow it to defeat you. I used to tell my runners to trash-talk the hill. “You will not defeat me today hill. Not today.”

Pick people off.

One of my best runners used to start in the back of the pack every race. She would pass runners one at a time until she was in the front. The best race as a coach was at a course where we could only see the first and last half-mile. As we waited, suddenly around the corner came three of our girls in first, second, and third place, and of course Jenny, who had started in last place was among them. Passing people one at a time will give you something to focus on.

Control the head voices.

I have always thought that running is so much more mental than it is physical. Of course, you have to put in the hard work to train your body, but for some reason, your mind doesn’t want to cooperate with the program, and it takes constant vigilance to make it send the right messages.

Last weekend is a perfect example. There was a group of women my age and they all looked incredibly fit, so being too competitive my thoughts of just running easy and having fun went out the window. It takes me a mile until I start feeling strong, so the voices have a field day in the first mile. Here is what it sounds like in my head, “Ugh. I just started and I want to stop. Why am I doing this? Those ladies are probably right behind me. I need to train more…better. I know there are hills on this course.” The voices change completely when I am in mile two, but I need to do a better job of staying strong mentally from the beginning.

Pause before walking.

There are always those moments when you want to walk, but if your goal is a better time you need to keep going. (There is no shame in walking though.) Before you walk pause your thoughts and say I’m going to run to the next mailbox and then keep changing the marker. If you can do that a few times you probably won’t need to walk.

Race consistently

If I want to improve my times racing consistently helps me.

I hope these ideas have helped. Happy running!

Have you ever wondered if each of your romantic relationships was preparing you, and shaping you to handle what life would be like? I only was in love with four men, but each of them left a lasting impression on me and taught me something new.

My first love was in eighth grade. He was from Iran and the rumor was that his family had escaped the country with the shah when he was overthrown. I never asked him if it was true because I always assumed it was. He was elegant, exotic, dark, and handsome. I know it sounds like something out of a romance novel, but when he walked into a room he took my breath away. I am very lucky that he did not take advantage of my innocence, or the fact that I was so in love with him.

What I learned in this relationship was not from him, but because of him. My father was driving me to the school, (it was a boarding school), and G was going to spend the day at my house. My father saw a picture of G for the first time, turned to me, and said, “This boy had better not be black!” His reaction scared me for several reasons. I had never known my father was prejudiced because he was kind to everyone. The pure hatred and anger that I saw on his face shocked me, and although I have never understood the logic of judging someone because of the color of his skin, this made me realize how illogical racism is.

When G graduated he headed back to Switzerland and that was the last I saw of him. He never wrote or called me. I was completely ghosted, and my heart was broken. He is fairly famous now with a unique talent and has been on television multiple times. Before he married, he called me and said, “I want to apologize for how I treated you.” It would have been easier to say, “Oh, that’s o.k. It didn’t bother me at all.” But instead, I said, “I was devastated.” He has expressed interest in visiting when he is in my area, but I’m not sure how I feel about that.

My second love was my senior year in high school. He was friends with one of my best friends and we started talking with each other. He was so funny and super serious at the same time. I thought he was very sexy. My first kiss was with him, and I will never forget it. We had gone for a walk after dinner. He gently backed me up against a tree, cupped my face in his hand, and came in for the most sensuous kiss. This boy was dangerous for me because I think I would have done anything he asked. I wanted to spend all my time with him. He was a year behind me and when I graduated I was ghosted again because he wanted to go out with another girl at school. The hurt was even worse this time and it was combined with my crushed self-esteem. I came out of it stronger though, realizing that time heals hurt and there are reasons why certain relationships don’t work.

My third love was the bad boy that most good girls are attracted to. My parents disliked him so much that he was not allowed in our yard. I was accepted into a study abroad program in France which meant I would be gone for a year. He begged me not to go and to marry him before I went. I am so grateful I did not do that. My best friend told me that as I was on my way to the airport he was already at another girl’s house, and they were not playing cards. When I came back from France he threatened me that he would make me pay if I broke up with him, but people around our small town were telling me he was cheating. I decided to end it. My mother was terrified because my cousin was killed by a jealous boyfriend. After I told him we were done I was riding my bike to work on a deserted bike trail. His car had a distinctive sound, and I knew he had seen me enter the trail. There was a break in the trail about a half-mile away where I had to cross the road. I started pedaling hard to cross the road before he got there. Just as I was about to reach the road he pulled his car up and blocked the exit. He jumped out and grabbed my arm. He begged me to stay with him and I told him I would not, and that I needed to go to work. Luckily, he agreed and let me pass. It wasn’t the only time we had a confrontation, but none of them turned dangerous. I learned to listen to my parents after this relationship, and I also learned that bad boys were not for me.

My final love taught me more than any of the others even though the lessons were not always easy. I had been spoiled by my parents, and my husband expected me to be tougher. He has never been warm and fuzzy, but he loves deeply and is fiercely loyal to those he loves. He made me stronger. He taught me that love involves forgiveness and understanding. When he battled alcohol addiction I could have walked away, but I knew he was worth a fight. He has taught me that true love isn’t always sparkles and glitter, but it is so worth it.

My first two loves took my breath away, but my final love makes me feel like I am at home.

Fitness doesn’t have to be drudgery, and if you want to have some fun with your fitness try a 5k race. A 5k is a 3.1-mile race and you can run, walk, or do a combination of both.

Many people are afraid to try racing because they are afraid that only the super fit go to races, but that isn’t true. You will find people at all stages of fitness, and there are quite a few people who will walk the whole race. The point is to show up at the start line because many people don’t make it even that far.

5k races can inspire you whether you are just starting a fitness journey, or you are a veteran. You will see people who have huge challenges, but who refuse to let those challenges define them or hold them back. You can see elite athletes doing extraordinary things and talk to them about their training and motivation. You may leave the 5k more motivated than when you came.

5k races are social events that offer you a chance to join a community and meet new people. The running community is very accepting, and people will wander over to you and start conversations. I met all my best friends at running events. You can make some great connections. Runners make newcomers feel welcome. The stories you hear at races are inspiring and those stories might motivate you to become more excited about your fitness journey.

If you want to find a 5k you can do a Google search for 5ks near me or go to http://www.runusa.com. http://www.active.com is another choice. I live in Georgia, so I use http://www.rungeorgia.com. Race roster is another option. Read the description of the course and decide if you want to do a flat course or one with hills.

Here are a few tips for running a 5K.

· Don’t start too fast.

It is easy to be pulled into the excitement around you and sprint off the line. This will be great for perhaps the first mile, but unless you have been doing some speedwork and endurance training you probably won’t have anything left after mile one.

· Pace yourself.

Go at an easy enough pace that you are not gasping for breath.

· Play head games.

If you become tired instead of stopping tell yourself you will run to the next sign. When you reach that pick another marker. Runners hit walls, but if you can push through you will get a second wind. Pick a person who is slightly faster than you and do your best to stay with that person. (it’s called picking a rabbit) Hills can defeat you mentally more than physically. Keep telling yourself it’s just a hill, shorten your stride, and lean slightly into it.

· Have fun!

Talk to the people around you and take in the scenery.

The words I love you can be powerful, and there can be a myriad of meaning behind them. There is usually so much more behind those words, so what can I love you mean?

It can mean thank you for what you mean to me and for everything you do. I appreciate the person you are and the standards and character you display.

Sometimes we use it to say I’m sorry when we have been less than perfect and we need some forgiveness.

We can use it when we leave family and friends. It is the form of a verbal hug.

I love you can be expressed in other ways besides words, and it comes in many forms.

Love can be shown by supporting someone and letting her know she is not alone.

It can be showing someone that you know him completely, and that you have taken the time to really see him.

Love is acceptance without judging when you let someone know he is beautiful and amazing even if he doesn’t fit into a standard made by society.

Love is listening fully and not being self-consumed. It is realizing there is more than one person in a relationship, and both need to be heard.

Kindness is love. When you are annoyed or hurt by someone, if you can still reach out and be kind you are showing love.

Love involves compromise and sacrifice. Sometimes you have to adjust your needs to support someone else. You can feel love when you are doing good for others.

What does love look like for you?

We all have those moments when we are in a funk, and we need some words of wisdom or inspiration. There are a few pieces of advice I have received through the years that I always fall back on when things are hard. Here are a few I hope will help you.

Don’t waste your energy on negativity.

We have all probably had someone betray us, manipulate us, or do us wrong in some way. It’s natural to feel all the emotions associated with the situation, but what good does it do to continue to dwell on it after the fact? The best way to feel better about negativity is to use positivity to move forward to achieve your dreams. Negativity makes you feel bad, a positive attitude propels you forward.

Believe you are enough.

Have you ever wanted to do something but thought you were not good enough? I have seen friends who wanted to accomplish something, but they were so sure of failure they ended up sabotaging themselves.

Find an escape, an outlet.

Running, writing, reading, and gardening are my escapes. I can lose myself in all of them, let my mind run free, and not worry about any problems I might have been having. An outlet like this will help you release tension and stay calm.

Love unconditionally.

I have a strained relationship with a family member and I’m not sure how to repair it, or even why it’s strained. When I asked a friend for advice she said to just keep letting him know that you love him. When I want to be angry with him for the way he acts I think of my friend’s words, and I know she is right.

Be a good listener.

Everyone wants to be heard and to tell their story, but most people are more interested in telling their story instead of listening to someone else’s. I often watch people interrupt so they can jump in and take over the conversation. What if we actually listened and allowed someone to speak?

Know how to discuss respectfully.

My husband and I do not argue about much, but until recently politics was a dangerous topic to bring up in our house. We belong to different parties, but I have always said that if a candidate in his party is the better choice I would vote for that person. He thinks that is scandalous and would only vote for the candidate in his party. When I would try to discuss something with him he would become very angry. I discussed with him that we should be able to have a discussion or a disagreement in a calm way without all the emotions. He has made a great deal of progress. Lol.

Shower kindness

There is so much negativity these days. We are all struggling with our mental health and kindness can go a long way.

Sleep well.

Sleep affects everything. Be intentional about sleeping enough and do what you need to do to eliminate anything that is preventing you from sleeping.

Be grateful.

When you start to list all the good things in your life you will realize how fortunate you are. Put everything into perspective.

Have plants or pets.

Both plants and pets give you something to talk to that won’t talk back. There is something wonderful about caring for something else.

Find one good friend.

This is an area where quality trumps quantity. Having a best friend makes every day a little brighter.

During the past forty years, running has saved me. It has kept me healthy both physically and mentally, and it has been my escape when life overwhelmed me. This past year gave me two health scares that eventually made me more grateful than ever to be able to run, and it has changed the way I train, but I actually think the changes might be for the better. It has also made me reflect on how I can continue running for as long as possible, and how do I handle it when the end of my running road is before me.

My first health issue was when I went out for an early morning run and had an AFIB (irregular heartbeat) attack and had my first ride in an ambulance—the next few months involved many doctor visits and every heart test possible. None of them revealed a reason for the AFIB. I have had three more attacks since then, so I now take a beta blocker because I don’t want to have an episode out on a trail and have to sit against a tree until my heart pops back into rhythm. It has made me more aware of my pace and my pulse. When I am racing I like my pulse to not go above 140 and if it reaches 150 I will stop running and walk until my pulse goes down. I am paying attention to my breathing and how my body feels more than I usually did before the attacks. I am trying to be more relaxed when I run instead of allowing my competitiveness to take over. I am enjoying runs more because of this.

The second health issue was when I tore my meniscus. I was afraid my running was done, but when I couldn’t run I cross-trained. Shortly after my diagnosis, I walked an ultra. I made it 28 miles which I didn’t think was bad with an injury. Until I could run I worked more with weights, did the elliptical, biked, and swam. Now that I can run I am trying to be cautious by cutting back on my mileage and continuing to do cross-training. I listen to how my body feels and then decide to run, walk, do a combination, rest, or add some cross-training.

Runners always seem to find a way to come back from challenges. I hope I can continue to run for many more years, and I know if I ever have to put my running shoes away, there will be tears, and it will be like saying goodbye to an old friend who has been there through the good and the bad, and who has made the trip down the road so much better.

If you don’t think plants are living, breathing things, you haven’t been observing them. Once you spend any time in a garden and watch what your plants do, it’s hard not to be amazed. Today, when I walked into my garden and looked around the thought hit me that my garden has a personality. It’s a little quirky, a bit scattered and a mess, and quiet and wild all at once.

My garden is not orderly with each plant occupying one spot that is clearly labeled. There are carrots growing in the lettuce, lettuce growing next to the bed that houses most of the lettuce, and a wild strawberry patch next to the bed of strawberries. If my garden was a person she would have ADD and she would be thriving in the middle of chaos. She also mixes well with others except for the cucumbers which can be slightly territorial.

My garden personality is tenacious. She can bounce back from a few cold days or excessive heat. She knows that every day won’t be perfect, and she knows how to adjust to life’s ebb and flow.

The garden is curious and knows how to reach out for help. My small strawberry patch sent out runners last year looking for more space to grow. This year my strawberry plants have quadrupled, and I didn’t have to buy anything new. I eventually decided to plant an entire new bed of strawberries because I love them so much. Can you imagine how many I will have next year?

My garden loves music even when it comes from me. I can be heard singing to my plants whenever I am out there. My neighbor said she thinks it cute, but I think she was being kind. The plants are also great listeners because I talk to them and give them a daily weather report so they can prepare.

The garden enjoys encouragement like most of us do. I am often out there cheering on a plant that looks a little droopy, and I have to tell you I have seen some crazy recoveries and comebacks.

The garden can be mysterious, hiding its wonders while it works during the night to unveil its beauty in the morning.

I hope you experience the wonder of a garden, and that you also see a personality in yours.