My daughter went to see the Barbie movie with her boyfriend. When she came home she told me she cried during the movie. When I asked why she said there was a part where a mom explained what it was like to be a woman. I asked her if she cried because it was so accurate, and she nodded. The next day she asked me to go see it with her.

I expected a fluffy, funny movie and there was some of that, but there were also some powerful messages I hope are not overlooked or dismissed. There are some people who could perceive those messages as feminist whining, but I hope they keep an open mind instead of denying what women will tell you still happens.

I will tell you a few moments that were powerful for me, but I have to be careful not to give away the plot in case you go to see it.

Ken and Barbie go to the real world and their perceptions of their interactions with men vary greatly. Ken says there is a different feeling here, but it doesn’t feel violent, but Barbie says she senses violence. If you are a man ask a woman in your life if she has ever felt uncomfortable or threatened in a situation involving men. Most women have experienced the moment a man looks at them as if they are a dessert he can have if he wants. Watch how men look at women in a gym. We have a heavily wooded park near our house where my husband walks our dog. It’s a beautiful spot, but I would never go there by myself because as a woman I am more vulnerable to violence. It shouldn’t be that way.

The all-male board at Mattel wants to put Barbie back in her box just as women are often subjected to the mentality that keeps us in a box. We still live in a culture that believes beautiful and sexy cannot be paired with intelligence, and if you are beautiful you are trying to tempt men. The men putting Barbie in the box begin to tighten the ties on her hands just as women have their hands tied because no matter how we dress or act we are judged.

I cried when the mom described why it’s hard to be a woman because I wish it was different for my daughters, but we struggle with the same issues. I also cried because it has been difficult. Women are treated as less than every day. At my first job, I was told I would make less than my male colleagues because eventually, they would have to support a family.

I cried again when the creator of Barbie talked about what moms do for daughters. My daughter was also crying and told me later that was the part she wanted me to see.

I liked the movie and there are some very funny parts in between the messages. I would highly recommend it. I hope it stimulates some great conversations.

f you haven’t heard yet there is some controversy about singer Jason Aldean’s recent song, Try That in a Small Town. He has been accused of racism and promoting violence. Mr. Aldean tweeted, “In the past 24 hours I have been accused of releasing a pro-lynching song, and was subject to the comparison that I was not too pleased with the nationwide Black Lives Matter protests. These references are not only meritless but dangerous. There is not a single lyric in the song that references race or points to it, and there isn’t a single video clip that isn’t real news footage.”

My first reaction to this attack on his song was I wondered if the critics realized that the criticism was going to send the song’s popularity through the roof because everyone would want to watch the video and form an opinion.

I’m assuming the idea that he is promoting violence is when he talks about having his grandfather’s gun. In my small town, it’s a law that every head of household has a gun. It’s for self-preservation and defense. Maybe we would have less violence if the criminals knew we could defend ourselves.

My husband and I watched the video together and I said, this is a perfect example of a difference in perceptions. I come from a small town and I know that feeling of community he is talking about. If someone was in need that person only had to ask for help. That sense of community can be harder to form in a city where there is more fear of crime.

His use of good ole boys raised upright could have caused some issues. A good ole boy describes the way someone was raised. It doesn’t mean the person is racist.

In my opinion, his song says that people in a small town are going to take care of each other, and stand up for what they believe is right, but because it is America you can form your own opinion.

Many of us are caught up in our daily routines and we forget the importance of reflection as a way to do a self-check. Once in a while we should stop and ask ourselves some basic questions. Here are a few of the more important ones.

How is your mental health?

Sometimes it feels as if we are only trying to survive. We don’t have time to think about how we are doing mentally. It’s a good idea to do a self-checkup now and then. What is your stress level? If it’s high that can affect your health, find an outlet to release the stress, or delegate some of your tasks to others. Are you happy? If your answer is no you can do something about it. Make a list of what is making you feel down and brainstorm an action plan to change the situation. Are you working in a toxic environment? In a toxic relationship? Make changes and your mental health will hopefully improve.

How is your physical health?

I know so many people who take care of themselves last, but if you aren’t healthy how can you be there for others? Eating well, sleeping enough, and moving in some form will all influence your overall health. It doesn’t have to be rocket science. Find an exercise that you will do consistently. Eat colorful food and stay away from most white foods. (cauliflower is great though) Put away the screens and sleep well.

How is your work/home balance?

After 40 years of teaching, I wish I had put family first more than I did. When you retire your company will continue without you, but hopefully, your family will still be there, so invest your time in the right spots.

Whose needs are you meeting?

I did not realize how much my family needed me home until I retired. My daughter in college needed to talk about life, use me as an essay editor and judge outfit choices, my oldest wanted me to watch her baby, talk about everything, and laugh with her, and my husband likes knowing I am in the house. I make sure I have plenty of time to do the things I need to do as well.

What are your goals and expectations?

What are you hoping to achieve and how are you going to do it? Make some goals and keep adjusting them to fit changes.

How is your spiritual life?

Spiritual doesn’t always mean religious, but a connection to something spiritual can bring you peace. You can have a spiritual connection to God, nature, and the universe, and I’m sure there are other examples.

Have you always wanted to do something, but you didn’t do it because you didn’t think you would be good at it? Have you stopped doing something because of a hateful comment, or stepped out of your comfort zone to do something, but felt as if you were out of place or an imposter? Don’t worry because you are not alone. I’m pretty sure everyone has had these feelings at some point, but they hold us back from experiencing adventures. The fear of failure or humiliation can be so great that it can paralyze us from doing something we would enjoy. Here are a few examples I have seen or experienced myself.

I taught at the high school level for most of my career, but at one point I had a chance to teach at the local university. My oldest was a student at the time, so on the first day we rode in together. I said to my daughter, “I’m so nervous. They are going to find out I am a high school teacher, not a professor.” She looked at me and said, “Mom, if you are a good teacher for them that’s all that matters, and they are going to be so much more nervous than you are.” I love it when my children are wiser than I am. I loved my time at the university, and no one complained that I also taught at the local high school.

I am in love with running, and it has saved my health both physically and mentally. I am always sad when someone says they want to be a runner but then gives me all the reasons he cannot do it. I hear people all the time saying they would not be able to do it.

Twenty years ago, I was coaching cross country and loving it. I found out that you could design a pair of running shoes on Nike’s website, so I designed a pair of running flats that had cross country written in silver letters along the side. The first and only time I raced in them a woman passed me and said, “Well, at least you have cool shoes.” I know, ouch! I told myself I wasn’t good enough to wear those shoes and put them in the back of my closet. Last night, we were in a sports store and a man was telling his son that you could custom design shoes. I remembered the shoes, pulled them out, and wore them today. I let a hater stop me from wearing those beautiful shoes. Don’t allow mean comments to hold you back.

Gardening gives me peace. I walk into that space, and I can release any negativity I carried in there. I have recommended it to many people, but I often hear people say they would like to try but they don’t know where to begin. So many times it only takes one step to start something wonderful. Take the step because you could be missing out on something fun.

I actually love to cook, but my husband wants to be the master chef, so for years I have let him do it, but I am going to start spending more time in the kitchen. Do what you love!

The bottom line is you should always do your best, give yourself some grace if you fall short, do new things without the fear of failure, and if you do fail get back up and try again. Don’t listen to the haters or the naysayers. Enjoy life!

There are moments when writers wonder if they are making a difference with their writing, or if they will reach their goals whatever those goals might be. I would encourage everyone to keep a folder and note the times someone has said something you wrote or said made a difference. Use those notes to motivate you to keep encouraging and spreading kindness. Your words might even save someone. I am going to give a few examples of how words have worked well for me. I am only using them to illustrate what words can do, so please don’t think I think I am all that and a bag of chips. I always feel as if I am one chip short of a full bag!

My sister had just gone through a divorce after thirty years of marriage. Although she loved her husband deeply he told her he had never loved her, and he wanted to be with a younger woman he had met. Shortly after the divorce, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I brought lunch one day for her and as we were talking she told me that she wasn’t sure she could go on. I told her that our family was made of stronger stuff than that and she was going to be o.k. She told me ten years later that she was going to take her life that day, but my words stopped her. I am so thankful for something that made me go visit that day.

I was at school during my free period when our receptionist came to my door and said, “I have the mayor’s secretary on the phone. Can I transfer her to you?” When I answered the secretary told me the mayor wanted to meet with me. When I asked her what was it about she said she wasn’t sure, but she thought it might be about something I wrote. I came home and told my husband, and he asked me why I was nervous. I told him I felt as if I had done something wrong.

When I met the mayor he told me he had read an article I wrote called Blessings, not Burdens, and he had used it in a eulogy for a friend who had passed. He said his friend always saw the blessings instead of the burdens. He also said that he thought God had put us together for a reason. He thought maybe we should be helping each other. It made me feel good that a message I had expressed in an article was important to someone.

I wrote a self-help book called 101 Tips to Lighten Your Burden, and I had several people send me pictures of the tips that mattered to them. One that stood out was from my friend Vikki. Vikki is a badass trail runner. She has grit to spare, but she didn’t believe in her ability. We went to several ultra-marathons together and she always stopped after a few hours. One day, when she was trying to conquer a challenge she sent me a picture of the tip that starts with, “Believe you can.” I knew once she conquered the mental challenge nothing would stop her.

I had written an article about a man at our local YMCA who was responsible for creating a community among the seniors. He was called The Godfather, and the article was called We All Need a Little More Joe. Joe passed recently and his family reached out to me and asked if I could send the article because they wanted to display it at the funeral. That was an honor for me.

My first children’s book, What I Hope for You A Grandmother’s Wishes, was just released. My cousin posted a video on Facebook of her daughter reading it to her sons. She said they had already read it six times because they felt as if it was their nana who had just passed speaking to them. If nothing else comes from this book that video made it worthwhile.

You never know when your words are going to make a difference. I say the same prayer every day when I get up. “Father help me to lift people up with my words and not tear them down.”

Keep writing and realize that you are making a difference even when you least suspect it.

I remember reading What to Expect When You Are Expecting. I had so many questions about being pregnant and people were giving me all sorts of information, and some of it seemed slightly crazy. It was comforting to have a book that gave me an idea of what was happening during my pregnancy.

I have often wondered why we don’t have guidebooks for other milestones in our lives. We could all use some help with marriage, parenthood, and aging. The difference between finding information for pregnancy and aging is that with pregnancy people overshare, but with aging there is a lot of silence other than telling you it is going to be rough. My answer to that statement is we have to figure out how to live each segment of our lives and we can also figure out how to age well.

I would have appreciated some advance notice on what to expect while aging, so I will share with you what I know so far. Remember that every part of our lives will be better with laughter and a positive attitude, so I hope you will find the humor in some of these.

People will underestimate you.

There are stereotypes about older people, and it can be frustrating. If you are checking out at a store and you don’t move fast enough, the clerk will try to walk you through the process assuming you don’t know how to use simple technology, or your brain is a little slow. You will hear comments that are rude, but the young person saying them doesn’t know any better. We were in a restaurant once and all the creamers were flavored. My husband asked for regular creamer and the waitress said, “Oh, sure. I’m still young so I like the flavored kind.” Don’t let the crazy comments bother you.

There are a lot of assumptions that you are not as capable as you once were but don’t believe that nonsense for a minute. Try new things to stimulate your brain, keep moving, get out in the community, and enjoy life.

Upkeep is harder

I remember the first time around fifty that I looked into a magnifying mirror. I had way too much facial hair, so I turned to my family and said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” They told me they thought I knew. My friend Dan mentioned that sideburns start growing from your ears, and a mustache is really elongated nose hair.

I have different creams for everything. There is a calming cream for strange bumps that appear, one for crepy skin, and one for tightening. I even have one that has caffeine in it because it takes a few minutes in the morning for my face to wake up.

My friend Sally says she feels like she looks like a turkey because her neck and eyes sag. We no longer buy eyeshadow because our lids don’t look the same.

Your priorities change

Most of us in our thirties and forties are focused on succeeding at work, but as we age the importance of family and friends becomes clearer. Enjoying life and slowing down seems to make more sense. What other people think about you doesn’t matter as much.

You have battle scars

There are scars from adventures or illnesses, and there are stories behind each one.

You realize the importance of time

My friend Raleigh says that he realizes he has limited time to do all the things he wants, so time is precious to him. He wants to travel and have adventures instead of putting them off until later.

You see the beauty in things

When you are older you observe things more, you appreciate beauty in all its forms, and you want to experience it.

You develop allergies and maladies

As a French teacher, developing an allergy to hazelnuts was a crushing blow. Hazelnuts are a main ingredient in Nutella which is found in most crêpes. It is also in my favorite French chocolate. I also just started having issues with my heart’s rhythm, (AFib). You start wondering what else will happen while being grateful that it isn’t worse.

You lose control of some body functions

Women over the age of forty will tell you that they have incontinence issues when jumping is involved, or they have to go too long without a bathroom. It can also happen when sneezing or coughing. I used to tell my family that when I was eighty I was going to burp and fart in public unapologetically, but I had no idea that twenty years before that I wouldn’t be able to control it. It is embarrassing to be walking through a store when a poot sneaks out and I had no idea it was about to happen. Just walking and pooting. I am becoming good at blaming my family.

You sometimes need an oil can

When you are younger, you can jump out of bed in the morning, but if you do that when you are older you might throw out a hip. Your joints need a minute to warm up before you ask too much of them. If you sit too long everything seizes up, so you need a few steps before your legs start working. When you go downstairs you need to hold onto something. Doing squats is an all-around bad idea.

Your vision and hearing changes

When vision issues develop most people are in denial at first. Our house has reading glasses everywhere because we don’t want to admit that we might need a stronger prescription. My friend Dan says, “Without my glasses, I’m Zeus in the mirror!”

I also swear that people have started to mutter, and my hearing is not suffering.

You have multiple doctors

I used to have one doctor for everything then during the childbearing years I added a gynecologist then a chiropractor, and an eye doctor, and at one point when my hands were going numb I had a neurologist, but it was only carpal tunnel syndrome. When I had a fib episode the doctor in the hospital said I needed to talk to my cardiologist. My first thought was that I don’t have a cardiologist, and then I wondered if everyone was supposed to have one. Add a cardiologist and an electro cardiologist to the list, an endocrinologist for a particularly nasty root canal, and then an orthopedist for a torn meniscus. I also have a dermatologist for skin cancer. I feel as if I have an entire army taking care of me.

Conversation topics change

When you are younger you talk about the dreams you have for the future, the job you want, and your children. When you are older, you are usually comparing the latest ache or pain, what is wrong with the world, and when you can take a nap.

You need sleep but sometimes you can’t

I have nights when I fall into a deep sleep while watching television, but when I climb into bed I stare at the ceiling thinking of a million things that don’t matter.

You have experience and wisdom, but the younger generation doesn’t realize they need them.

Even before I was a member of the older generation I thought we did not do a good job using the experience and wisdom of those who have come before us. Older people often have razor-sharp mental facilities, and they are an excellent resource for information.

Here is a video of my cousins reading my book. They just lost their nana so this means a lot to me. https://www.facebook.com/781104306/videos/248500477983809/

A stroke can wreak havoc on a body affecting your body’s movements, vision, speech, and hearing. When my husband suffered a stroke several years ago, it left him with an occasional stutter. I watch him struggle with a word until his brain releases it. I am very thankful that it is the only remnant from the stroke, but my good friend Raleigh was not so lucky.

When Raleigh had his first stroke five years ago the doctor said the stroke was so bad that it was a miracle Raleigh lived. He said Raleigh’s fit lifestyle saved him. Raleigh’s vision in one eye was impaired, but everything else was fine. The doctors were not sure why he had the stroke. There was one unusual effect of the stroke. Raleigh said from time to time there was beautiful music playing in his head.

Raleigh had a second stroke and this time the doctors determined he had a hole in his heart that needed to be repaired. After the heart operation, I thought Raleigh would be fine, but I didn’t realize how far-reaching the effects of a stroke can be.

We were having breakfast after a race when he mentioned he hadn’t been himself since the stroke. When I asked what he meant he told me he felt like a different person, as if his personality had changed. He wasn’t sure who he was anymore, and he was feeling lost and alone. I had a feeling if he was feeling this way he probably wasn’t the only one, so I did some research. Here is what I found on the stroke foundation’s website.

Having a stroke can affect your emotions and personality. You may not be able to control your emotions. This is called emotional lability. It is very common. Your emotions may be out of context. You can work on controlling your emotions by being aware of what triggers them. Triggers can include fatigue, stress, anxiety, noise, and crowds.

Relaxation and breathing exercises may help. Consider professional help. Consider changes to your routine.

Depression and anxiety are common. Reach out for help if you feel depressed.

You may experience personality changes including not having any motivation, wanting to stay in bed, being irritable, being impulsive, and blurting out things without filtering them.

Reach out to a doctor for help. You can also call 1 800 787 653 for a stroke hotline or e-mail questions to strokeline@strokefoundation.org.au

My children’s book, What I Hope for You, A Grandmother’s Wishes has been published. It can be purchased at the following sites.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Hope-You-Grandmothers-Wishes/dp/1615997407/ref=sr_1_4?crid=B74TU10VBAPL&keywords=jennifer+bonn&qid=1688340642&sprefix=%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-4       Amazon

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/what-i-hope-for-you-jennifer-bonn/1143660011?ean=9781615997398                                                             Barnes and Noble

https://www.walmart.com/ip/What-I-Hope-for-You-A-Grandmother-s-Wishes-Hardcover/1557192020?from=/search                                                                           Walmart

https://www.booksamillion.com/search?filter=&id=8872727304718&query=What+I+hope+for+you+by+jennifer+bonn            Books a Million

https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=31537999761&searchurl=sortby%3D17%26tn%3DWhat%2BI%2BHope%2Bfor%2BYou&cm_sp=snippet-_-srp1-_-title6          Abe Books

https://www.alibris.com/booksearch?keyword=What+I+Hope+for+You&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=GwEz7vxblVU&utm_campaign=10&siteID=GwEz7vxblVU-WYH4Jkn5Gww6aQQwX4WGQg

Alibris Books

https://www.indiebound.org/search/book?keys=What+I+Hope+for+You      Indie Bound Books

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/179942205-what-i-hope-for-you?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=2iDtcMMXTY&rank=1                   Goodreads

Do you ever feel slightly off, and tired mentally, physically, and emotionally? It could be from stress, being overwhelmed, or from people interaction. It’s a feeling of needing a break and a chance to recharge. Many people spend a lot of money to have someone untangle their issues, but what if we could find our therapy in other ways? Here are a few ideas to find some calm.

Grow plants

I am not a master gardener, but taking care of my garden brings me instant calm. When I walk through my garden gate I can feel a sense of calm wash over me. Taking care of living things makes you feel good. You can talk to the plants, tell them what weather to expect, and offer words of encouragement. I sing in the garden while I am weeding and harvesting. Plants are fascinating and fun to watch, plus growing your own food helps with the grocery bill too.

Play with animals

Animals will listen to you without arguing or passing judgment. Animals will show you affection and make you feel as if you are the most special person in the world. If you don’t want to commit to owning your own, volunteer at a shelter, or play with a friend’s animals. The laughter a pet can cause will always make you feel better. My dog is a goofball, and he makes me laugh all day.

Listen to music

Make a playlist of your favorite songs. Music is powerful. It can help to recharge you, motivate you, or calm you down.

Reading

A good book can be an escape into a different world. You can forget your troubles and unwind with a fascinating plot.

Writing

Express your feelings by writing them down. You don’t have to share them, but sometimes just releasing your thoughts and feelings helps.

Move

Movement is a way to release anger or stress and find peace. I use running to find calm. If I’m angry or agitated a good run helps me to release the strong emotions.

Seek quiet

The best way to recharge is to find a quiet spot to relax and be quiet.

Sleep

Sleep is a great escape and something we need to come back stronger.