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Staying Planted in Positivity

I loved this expression because not only does it encourage us to stay positive, but it also provides us with the image of being planted. If we are planted in positivity we can allow it to nurture us and help us grow.

When you watch a plant grow you know it takes time and patience until the plant has fully blossomed. We become stronger and better with patience and the resources we need to nourish our bodies and spirit. Positivity leads us to the light while negativity is the darkness.

We need to remain positive in our expectations believing that good things are coming our way. Each day is the possibility of new adventures. We have to continue to believe that wonderful things are going to happen. Sometimes our wins require patience, but we need to believe that eventually, they will happen.

Negativity is the enemy that tries to creep in and steal your potential for growth. It robs you of your motivation and your drive. Positivity drives you forward toward your goals.

Here are a few things to help you stay planted in positivity.

Practice gratitude. List all the things you are grateful for in your life.

Surround yourself with positive people because positivity is contagious.

Shift your perspective and change something negative and make it a positive.

Focus on your successes.

You might not see the results you want immediately, but if you stay planted in positivity you will receive what you need.

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You Might Be a Runner If

  • You have at least two drawers dedicated to race t-shirts, but you are incensed if the race organizers do not have your shirt on race day.
  • Finisher medals are the most prominent decoration in your house.
  • You have a pair of running shoes for every type of terrain and weather.
  • You need a second job to pay for all of your race fees.
  • Your books are about caring for injuries and missing toenails.
  • Your idea of a fun time is a race through mud and barbed wire.
  • You can’t remember a time when you weren’t sore somewhere.
  • While others are sleeping late on the weekend you are up early heading out to a race.
  • You have a whole box of finisher medals, and you can’t bear to part with them.
  • You are missing toenails.
  • You are excited about your birthday because it means you are moving into a new age group.
  • Your best stories are about running.
  • All of your first-aid products are related to running.
  • Weather will not deter you from a run.
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A 12-Step Program for People Pleasers

When I think of addiction I define it as something you continue to do even though you know it is harmful for yourself and others. It is difficult to change, but that change could bring enormous benefits to your life. Being a people pleaser fits that definition too.

I hate conflict and drama and spend sleepless nights when someone is angry at me. It doesn’t make a difference if I am completely certain that I did not cause the issue. I wouldn’t say I like feeling that tension and knowing someone thinks I have caused an issue. Although I know this will always be something I will struggle with just as an addict feels the pull of addiction, I also know there are some steps I can take to be less of a people pleaser. Here is my 12-step program.

1. Let others own their issues. The only person you can truly change is yourself. Instead of reacting to a situation or issue, access the reality. So often some aspects are someone else’s responsibility, and you do them more harm than good by taking their burdens on as your own.

2. Don’t enable others. We don’t have to solve everything for the people around us. Doing everything for others will make them reliant on you instead of allowing them to see what they need to do to solve a problem. When you do too much to please others you can lose yourself. A relationship has to be an honest give and take.

3. Be authentic. We don’t have to fit into anyone’s box of perfection. It is exhausting to try to be something you are not and imperfections are more interesting anyway, so be yourself even if you think that is pretty messy.

4. Know when to walk away. I hate to give up on someone, but there are seasons in our relationships, and if that relationship is toxic it is probably time to walk away. Believe me, I know how hard this is for a people pleaser, but you will eventually know you did the right thing.

5. Deal with problems instead of avoiding them. I had a friend who used to say if you ignored a problem long enough it would go away. I think the opposite is true. If you don’t face the conflict it becomes bigger and overwhelms you.

6. Know your worth. People pleasers do not toot their horns very well, but it is important to know that you have value, and you should ask for what you deserve.

7. Set boundaries. This is another very hard action for people-pleasers, but you will be so much happier if you let others know what your guidelines are for how you expect to be treated.

8. Don’t try to be everything to everyone. This is similar to numbers 1 and 2. If you cannot take on a situation or project it is better to let someone know that you would not be able to give it your full attention.

9. Take care of yourself. You can be more productive and help others if you care for yourself first. As a people pleaser, I need time every day to be by myself and recharge.

10. Encourage yourself. Be your best friend and use only positive self-talk.

11. Surround yourself with supportive people. Being around positive, supportive people can make all the difference.

12. Learn to say no. I heard someone say recently that no was a complete sentence. That means you don’t have to follow it up with reasons, and you don’t have to feel guilty.

Good luck with your 12-step program, I hope you can do your best to do what’s best for your happiness.

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Do Runners Trash Talk?

Runners are generally the best people we will meet, so they wouldn’t trash talk, would they? First, we have to admit that there are several forms of trash talk and in my opinion runners use all three. Here are the three types I have heard and how runners use them.

Teasing trash talk

This is the kind of banter I hear the most among runners. It could be a group of runners teasing each other with comments like, “I hope you are ready to eat my dust. I’ll wait for you at the finish or try not to be last.”

My best friend Raleigh and I engage in this type of trash talk all the time. Since Raleigh is not in my age group or of my gender I don’t care if he beats me in a race, but for some reason, he hates it when I beat him. I use those feelings to motivate him. If I have the chance to pass him I will say, “C’mon old man! Am I going to be waiting at the finish line again?” He always speeds up after that. The best moment was during a half-marathon when I swear I stopped every other mile to use the bathroom. Somehow, I managed to catch Raleigh at mile 11. He was struggling with his head down. I ran up next to him, smiled broadly, and said, “Hey, buddy! Were you waiting for me?” The look of shock on his face was so funny that I started laughing and he was able to take off and put some distance between us.

Trash-talking that motivates us to do better and makes us laugh is a good form of teasing.

Mean-spirited trash talk

I believe runners are usually extraordinary people, so I have only experienced negative trash talk twice. I was coaching cross-country and loving every minute. I decided to design a pair of racing spikes on the Nike site. They are beautiful red and yellow lightweight shoes with cross-country written in white letters. The first time I wore them I was running a local race when a woman pulled up next to me and said, “Well, at least you have cool shoes.” I know I am overly sensitive, but I think she was implying that she thought my running was not as cool as my shoes. I was so surprised at a runner being nasty that I said nothing.

The second time was last weekend during a 10k. It was the first 10k I had done in a while, so I decided to run slowly and enjoy the run. Around a mile and a half and the third hill, I walked a few steps. A woman ran up next to me and said, “You shouldn’t have been trying to keep up with me.” I find when it comes to running actions speak louder than words, so I left her in the dust.

Bathroom trash talk

There is an odd type of trash talk that occurs in the line for the bathroom, and it happens with both men and women. This is what it sounds like, “Did you do the Desert 250 last weekend? I had my personal best. I’m only doing this marathon as training for my ultra. I’m doing a marathon every weekend. I have done three Iron Man triathlons.” I think this type of trash talk is to make you feel like you shouldn’t even try to compete. Start at the back and just hope you finish because how could you ever compare to these runners? The truth is that there is usually more to their stories and it isn’t as glorious as they make it out to be.

I hope at your next race you listen to the runners around you and see if you hear any forms of trash talk, and although it can be motivational I hope none of it is mean-spirited.

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The Mental Struggles of Running

You have probably heard runners say that running is more mental than physical because you can convince your body to do almost anything, but your mind does not always want to cooperate. You often have to work just as hard on your mental conditioning as you do the physical. Here are a few situations when mental demons have to be conquered.

You start to find excuses not to run

It’s too cold, too hot, you didn’t sleep well, you are too busy, you could use the time to read the new spreadsheet, (Okay, maybe that will never come up.) The list can go on, but if you make your run part of your daily schedule and head off to do it without even thinking about it you will find it easier.

The negative voices start to whisper

They sound like this, “I’m tired, my body is achy, I am so hungry. How can I be running this slowly I don’t think I can run as far as I want to today.” Tell yourself you will run a few more minutes and see how you feel. Distract yourself by thinking of anything besides the fact you are running. Sometimes you only need to run through the mental wall.

One bad run equals your doom as a runner

Everyone has bad runs. There are some days when you should probably rest, or something is a little off, and the run doesn’t go well. It is not the end of your running career.

I can’t run distance

Distance running is a chance to use your mental games. Divide the distance into small sections so it doesn’t feel like you are taking on the whole distance simultaneously. There is a 5k race we do (I know that’s not really distance running!) and this works well for me. We have run it so many times that I know exactly where each mile marker is, and that makes it seem so much shorter to me.

Tell yourself to run one mile at a time. I had a friend doing her first three-mile race, and she was afraid she couldn’t do it. She asked me to run the race with her. She said she wanted to run a mile and then she would walk the rest. I told her to set the pace and I would run next to her. At one mile, I said, “Let’s see if we can go a little further.” I kept talking with her to distract her and before we knew it we were at mile two. I said, “If we run one more mile you will have run the whole race. Let’s see what we can do.” She ran the whole race and placed third in her age group. I can still hear her scream when her name was called.

Run without expectations

I am very competitive. I know this because on several occasions I have almost wrecked myself trying to pass a woman who I thought was in my age group, only to find out she wasn’t. Lately, I have shifted my goals for racing. When I stand at the starting line I tell myself to enjoy the race because it doesn’t always have to be about coming away with a medal. There have been races where I couldn’t tell you anything about the course because I was so focused. Last Saturday, we ran a race in the country that went past old barns, meadows, and wide-open spaces. It was so peaceful, and I was more focused on what was around me instead of my running. Taking the pressure off can make the run more fun.

I need to walk

I walk a few steps to catch my breath several times in each race, and I believe walking can help you go farther, but if you are running for time you probably want to keep running. There are several tricks you can use. Tell yourself you will run to the next something. (you pick the object) Make it a game to see how many runners you can pass during the race.

If you condition yourself to have the same mental strength as your physical ability you will be unstoppable!

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Mistakes Can Make You Stronger

Mistakes are never fun, but you have never failed at something as long as you learn something from the mistakes. What are the greatest life lessons you have learned because of something that went wrong? Here are a few of mine.

A failure to fit in. I grew up in a town where there were two very distinct classes. You were wealthy or you were not. My family was not, but when it was my turn to go to school, my parents decided to spend the money to send me to private schools. The weekly bomb threats at the public school had something to do with the decision. I didn’t have expensive clothes or a fancy house. I was oblivious to the difference between myself and most of my classmates until one day when a girl said, “What does your dad do?” I replied, “He owns the local gas station.” She looked at me with utter disgust and said, “What are you doing here?” I answered, “The same thing you are.” I tried to act like it didn’t bother me, but her words hurt.

The failure to fit in made me a better person though. I am kinder because of it, and I do my best to make people feel welcome and included.

Parenting fails. I don’t know of anyone who is the perfect parent, and I’m sure we all make mistakes. I have certainly made my share. I will say though that parenting has taught me patience and the importance of apologizing when I’m wrong. It has also taught me not to judge others when my perfect hat keeps slipping.

Relationship Fiascos. I have had a few unfortunate friend relationships when even though all the signs were there saying it was a toxic relationship I kept trying to make it work. I now know that I need to surround myself with people who I enjoy and admire and who feel the same about me. Life is too short for it to be constantly filled with drama.

There are so many more examples, but I’m sure you see the point that although you might think something you did was a mistake or a failure, it might teach you a valuable life lesson.

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When Your Writing is Not Well Received

As writers, we expose ourselves to critique with every piece of writing we create. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and perceptions vary greatly from person to person. It can be hard to hear criticism about your writing, but it will help your mental health if you know how to respond depending on the critique you are receiving.

Feedback that can improve your writing. Sometimes feedback can make you better. I have the habit of overusing the same words too often. I appreciated the editor who told me to stop doing that. I always want to keep growing and learning so if my readers have helpful comments I am grateful.

When it’s not about your writing. I wrote a story for another writing platform about where the tradition Of Christmas lights originated. I received over 100 comments and the majority were very bizarre, ranging from racial comments, (we have the lights so the blacks don’t steal.) to political rants. Most of the readers were taking the opportunity to talk about anything except Christmas lights. I read the comments to my daughter, and she looked at me with wide eyes and said, “This is about Christmas lights?”

The haters. As hard as it is to believe, there are people who only want to be hateful. Do not engage with them because it is a waste of your time.

When the reaction seems off. I once received a rejection from an editor who started off so sweetly as she told me she had liked the story and there were some good points, but then she went on a rant saying I needed to pay my dues with hard work before I could expect success. It was very odd, and I finished reading the e-mail thinking she must have had a stressful day.

The bottom line is a critique that will improve your writing and is respectfully given should be seen as a gift while hateful attacks that do nothing to improve your craft can be ignored. Write on!

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The Importance of Interacting with Other Writers

All my life, I have thought it was a good practice to find someone who was very good at something I wanted to learn and watch them in action. The same thing is true for writing. Interacting with other writers will help you improve in many ways. Here are a few ideas why reaching out to other writers is a good idea.

We all need connections. Having a mentor, or even better a community of mentors gives us a chance to ask questions and brainstorm ideas. Writers all need encouragement. When we put our writing out for the public to read it can leave us feeling raw. Encouragement from other writers can be a balm to the soul.

We can learn through other’s failures. When I first started writing I made so many mistakes, but I was lucky that some kind writers told me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it. I still have so much to learn which is why I am always reading more advice from writers. Failure is a great teacher but allow others to help you avoid it as much as you can.

Writers can help you find a spot for your writing. I have learned so much while I have been on Medium because writers are so willing to share where they write and what they use to be successful. Read the posts that will help you with your writing and share some of your knowledge to help others.

Writers can teach you to be better. Reading as much as you can whether it is from the library, a bookstore, or an online site can teach you to be better. If you are curious enough and an avid reader you will continue to grow. Take a class and share your work with others.

We have an amazing community as writers. Continue to have a growth mentality, stay curious, and keep interacting with others.

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Be Grateful for What Left, Stayed, and is to Come

When we think about gratitude we usually are considering what we have right now, but today I saw something on social media that I thought was so true. There are some very important things to be thankful for besides our current possessions.

Be grateful for what is left. Do you have trouble letting go of something, or walking away even when you know it is toxic to you? I do. I always feel as if I’m quitting, maybe it’s me or if I try harder I can find the joy in something draining me. I took karate classes at the same dojo for six years. You would probably think that any issues I had in these classes were physical, but several issues with people at the dojo caused me a lot of emotional upheaval. I should have walked away from the dojo and the toxic relationships, but I didn’t want to quit until the situation became unbearable and my family begged me to leave. I can look back now and be grateful for what I learned and how much stronger the situation made me, and I can also be grateful that I no longer am involved in it.

Be grateful for what has stayed. I am grateful for the good friends and family who are always there when I need them and for our shared joy. I am grateful for all the amazing things that I continue to be able to do.

Be grateful for what’s to come. Do you manifest what you want to see happen in your future? I have a sign on my desk that says, “Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.” It brings me joy to wonder what new adventure is waiting around the corner.

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How Writing Saves Me

Every now and then I feel a little lost. Life becomes heavy, the emotions are swirling, and the negative voices are whispering in my ear. Running saves me and always has. It is something I can always count on to soothe me. It has helped me stay physically fit, but the effects it has had on my mental health have been even greater.

I am a crazy cross between an introvert and an extrovert. I love talking to people and listening to their stories, but at a certain point, I need to retreat to somewhere quiet to regroup and recharge. Running allows me to do that. I can head out for a run and let my mind go blank and rest. During a few miles, I can take in what is around me without having to assess emotions or react in any way. I can just be.

There have been a few tumultuous times in my life when I thought my feelings would overwhelm me, but I turned to running and found the peace I needed. I ran out anger and frustration when I didn’t understand my husband’s addiction, and I ran through my fear and sadness when my son had a brain operation when he was a week old. I have cried and laughed during runs, and always finished feeling better.

There is something restorative in nature, and that’s another reason that I enjoy heading out for a run. I can take in the beauty around me and running allows me to open myself up to the sounds and sights around me. I stay in our neighborhood on many of my runs, and this allows me to interact with all my neighbors. It also allows me to see things I might not normally have seen like the giant hawk that decided to rest for a few minutes on the neighbor’s mailbox. I was able to come mere feet from him to take a picture, and he could have cared less. He was majestic.

I receive so many gifts through running. The mornings when I manage to get up before dawn and the sky is full of stars is a gift. One morning, my neighbor was out with his dog and when I stopped for a drink he pointed out all the stars by name. I had a chance to share a quiet moment with him as he shared something he was passionate about. I love runs when a gentle rain is falling, or in the fall when the leaves are drifting past me. I always feel that I am experiencing something special on those runs.

Running also has saved me because of the connections it has allowed me to make. At every race, I meet at least one new person and runners are notoriously nice people. I have met my best friends through running, and I cannot imagine life without them.

I injured my knee last year, had an MRI, and went to the orthopedist for the diagnosis. When I came home I said to my husband, “I tore my meniscus.” I swear he went pale because he knew that meant no running for quite a while. Of course, I knew I would miss running, but I told myself I would run again. I had to believe that because running helps me so much with both my mental and physical health. A year later, I am so grateful to be running again and enjoying every minute!