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My Failure As a Business Owner And Why It Was An Amazing Experience

We hear the message all the time that we should follow our dreams, take a risk, and follow our passions. I believe 100% in those ideas, but I tend to be too practical to take the leap. I used to watch House Hunters International, and I was always in awe of the people who decided to leave the law practice behind to be a yoga teacher in Bora Bora. I look at those people with admiration that they have the courage to stop doing something they don’t enjoy and take a chance on something risky but spectacular. They realized that we are not condemned to do something that does not bring us joy and that life is too short to not try for the best we can do.

Now, I admire them for taking the leap, but I was still asking practical questions. How are they going to survive financially? Did they research the schools in Bora Bora? What if the yoga school doesn’t work? I have been raised to put the practicalities first, so what I did 33 years ago was out of character for me.

I had two children who were four and one, I taught French full-time at a boarding school, and I was traveling two hours once a week to work on my masters. Somehow I thought this would be a good time to start a business. Have you ever had an idea about something you want to do or should do that won’t leave your mind? That’s how it was with the idea of a bookstore.

Books saved me when I was growing up. I was socially awkward and couldn’t find where I fit in. Books gave me an escape. I have also loved writing since I can remember. If I was going to start a business I knew that a bookstore was perfect for me.

I had the conversation with my husband, and I’ll be honest I don’t remember his reaction but I’m going to guess it took some convincing before he thought it was a good idea. I then went to my headmaster and described my idea and asked if next fall could I have a schedule where I taught until 12:30. I also asked for a year where I did not have to coach. I will always be grateful that he said yes.

I then began going through the steps of finding a spot for the bookstore and researching what was involved. My town had a business mentoring program, so I was paired with a man who had been running a bed and breakfast-business for many years. His wisdom and guidance were invaluable.

I found a small space with reasonable rent behind a popular clothing store and across from the post office. My husband built me a beautiful counter and bookshelves, I ordered the books, and we opened in June shortly after school ended. I didn’t have daycare for the summer, so the kids came with me each day. It was a tiny space, so it was hard to keep them entertained and assist customers, but I loved it. I had made a fun space behind the counter where the children could play and take a nap. My daughter said she loved when we were there because I would read them stories and rub their backs to get them to take a nap.

There were some adventures in our tiny space. One day, we came in and Jess said she needed to use the bathroom. She opened the door and said, “Mommy, come here quick!!” Two large mice were floating in the toilet. I didn’t want to touch them, so I did the first thing that came to mind and flushed the toilet. My husband said, “I cannot believe that you did not end up with two dead mice and a clogged toilet.”

During the summer, we met several authors who lived in the area. They wanted to support a local bookstore and it was a treat for me to meet them. I partnered with the library once to do an author meet and greet.

When fall came and I had to go back to teach and to do graduate studies it became difficult to take care of the business. I hired someone who wasn’t very competent and I couldn’t put in the time that I would have liked. I was also exhausted. We had to read a book a week in French and do twenty-page papers, so my husband would find me asleep on the floor in the living room with a book tucked to my chest.

I finally had to realize that we were losing too much money to continue the bookstore. Our space was too small, I was competing with a large, well-established bookstore in the next town, and I didn’t have the time to devote to it, or the money to pay someone else to do that for me.

Having the bookstore was such a blessing to me and although it was not a success I learned so much from the experience. I have no regrets about taking that leap and giving it a try.

If you are considering starting a business I would suggest the following.

· Ask yourself why you want to start this business. When you have the rough days you will have to lean on the why.

· Do your homework. How can you make this work?

· Find a mentor and ask questions about everything.

· Don’t rush into anything. Take your time and do not put yourself in financial difficulty.

· Ask for help.

· Have a marketing plan

· Harness social media.

· Talk to everyone and steal the good ideas.

Good luck!

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Does Having a Running Nemesis Make Us Better Runners?

The definition of a nemesis is the cause of someone’s downfall, but there can be a positive aspect to that idea too. My running friends joke about who our running nemesis is. We are talking about that person who runs faster than us and is also in our age group potentially keeping us from winning a spot on the podium. Of course, we are often excited when the nemesis does not show up, but most of our glory moments involve the nemesis because that person can push us to be better. We want to train harder so we might be able to beat the nemesis this time. Here are a few examples of our interactions with our nemeses.

My friend Dan came back to running several years ago after being away from the sport for quite a while. He was finishing with a decent race time, but he noticed that a certain man in his age group was beating him at every race. At one race, I heard Dan say, “I’ll never be able to beat him.” Fortunately, though Dan started to change his mindset and train harder, Michael gave him a goal to shoot for, and Dan’s last finishing time was very close to what Michael’s time is usually. Even though Michael has beaten him consistently, Dan used that to become better and stronger.

My nemesis’ name is Monica. Monica is about a minute faster than I am when it comes to finishing time. She runs the race smarter than I do because I usually go out too fast, and then at mile two when I start to slow down, Monica runs by me and says hello. I have only beaten her several times, and one of them was glorious. We were doing an out-and-back 5k. Monica was running ahead of me and talking with a friend. My race strategy was different this time as I stayed close enough to be a threat at the end, but not close enough to be noticed. With a half-mile to go, I started sprinting. I passed Monica and her friend and crossed the line before them. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and it took me a minute to have enough breath to explain to my friend at the finish what happened, but I enjoyed the moment. Monica was probably thinking I had lost my mind.

Are you someone’s nemesis? Who can you push to be better by being a threat to his success?

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The Ebb and Flow of Writing

I have often seen the advice that writers should write every day. I see the strength of that advice because it makes sense that you should practice your craft to improve, but my creativity doesn’t work that way. My ideas for writing come to me in the following ways.

The tsunami

This is when everything has been quiet on the writing front for a while when suddenly I have 50 ideas at once. I write them on my whiteboard and work on them individually, but I cannot help feeling overwhelmed by so many ideas at once.

The ideas that come at the wrong time

Does anyone else have great ideas for a story when you are out for a long run, or grocery shopping, or at 3 in the morning? I have my most creative ideas when the chance of forgetting them is the greatest.

The thoughts that need to percolate a while longer

When I started my first fiction piece, I had a huge board with all the characters, their names, and personalities. The plot came out a piece at a time, and as much as I loved the ideas, I couldn’t make myself focus on it. I sent a query letter out when I had eight pages written. Two publishers replied that they would like to see the complete manuscript. When could I have it ready? That was the motivation I needed.

I can go in search of ideas for a piece, but for me, writing is best when it comes naturally. It might jump out of a conversation and slap me in the face like when I talked to my husband about how different a 5k was from a marathon when he said, “It’s an entirely different beast.” That led to a successful article with that title. Sometimes, it’s something I read in the paper or an experience, but I don’t write well when I have to force it.

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Peel Away The Layers

Have you ever been in a situation where you meet a stranger and your first impression and the one you leave with are very different? It’s because people have so many layers, and it takes some conversation to peel back the outer layers to see the real person underneath.

Most people want to share their stories if you take the time to listen. Asking some questions based on what the person says will begin to peel the layers away.

I went to our local running store with my husband because I needed running shoes, and I couldn’t find the right pair anywhere else. I run every day and I need at least two pairs that I can change in and out. When we entered the store there were three young clerks and one asked how he could help us. When I told him I needed shoes he asked, “For walking?”. I am 65 so I’m sure his first impression was not, “Oh, I bet she’s a distance runner.” I told him exactly what I needed, and we started to talk about running. My first impression of him was that he was super fit.

It didn’t take long for the layers to start to drop off. His favorite sport is soccer, and although he runs, he has issues because he sweats excessively which causes cramping. Nothing has helped. He told me about a marathon he ran when he started to cramp at mile 15, and mile 25 the cramping was so bad that he was hunched over and hobbling to the finish.

As we talked and laughed he revealed more about himself, and he made a connection with my husband and me. My husband said he would never go anywhere else for shoes now. We would not have made such a positive connection if we hadn’t peeled away the layers.

We often meet people for the first time with our armor on and our shields up. It can be difficult to be transparent at first, but letting who we are shine through can make it easier to relate to each other.

Take some time to listen, ask questions, and peel away the layers.

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Why My Husband is The Better Parent

My husband has made plenty of parenting mistakes like everyone else, but he has consistently done something that makes him a better parent and spouse than I am. When one of his brood is out and about he will wait up until everyone that lives in his house has returned home safely. He doesn’t only do this once in a while. He always does it regardless of how late someone is out.

I know you can probably figure out why this is special to us, but just in case you don’t understand let me tell you why we love that he does this. I have always been a morning person, so if you need my help from 6 a.m.-3 p.m., I’m the one for you. After that time, my energy starts to wane, and by 9 p.m. I’m fading on the couch. I couldn’t stay up late waiting for you to come home if my life depended on it, but I know that having someone waiting to make sure you come home safe makes you feel protected, safe, and loved.

My youngest told me that her boyfriend was surprised the first time she told him she had to go home because her dad was waiting for her. He said, “You have a curfew?”. She said, “No, but he’ll stay up until I’m home, so I don’t want to keep him waiting.” She likes the fact that her dad cares about her and wants to know she is home safe. She also likes having someone to share her adventure du jour. Dad is willing to stay up a little longer to hear a few stories before heading off to bed.

I often hear people say that giving your time is the best gift a parent can give, and I agree because what my husband does for his family has made a lasting impression on his family.

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Your Today Can Change Your Tomorrow

Do you ever find yourself putting off something and saying, “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”? If you eat badly or skip exercising, you might say, “I’ll do better tomorrow.” We all have those moments when we need to take a break from what we know we should do, and instead do what we want to do even if it is not in our best interest. The problem is if we do that with too many of our todays, our tomorrow is eventually going to be negatively affected.

We have a family member who has just entered hospice. Caring for her during the last year has been an eye-opening experience for my family. All three children have committed to taking control of their health by eating better and exercising. Our family member was overweight and sedentary with no real interests or hobbies. My oldest was just with her to help with her care and she told me as soon as she returned home she was going to make some changes to improve her lifestyle to ensure better health.

When I had an issue with a rapid heartbeat the first question the doctor asked was about the quality of my sleep. When I told him I was awakened frequently during the night because of my husband’s snoring he told me that sleep affected my health and I needed to make sure I was sleeping well for eight hours. How many times do you stay up late working, watching television, or playing video games? You might tell yourself that you will be fine with limited sleep, but it eventually takes a toll on your body.

Another issue to take care of today is our stress levels. Stress can raise our blood pressure, wear down our immune system, and wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. Find some ways to decompress and disconnect.

Pushing off issues and problems until tomorrow can make the problems worse and raise our stress levels. Take care of problems as they arise and having resolutions will be one less thing to cause you worry.

Remember the wisdom of the saying “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” Start the journey toward your best self today.

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Staying Planted in Positivity

I loved this expression because not only does it encourage us to stay positive, but it also provides us with the image of being planted. If we are planted in positivity we can allow it to nurture us and help us grow.

When you watch a plant grow you know it takes time and patience until the plant has fully blossomed. We become stronger and better with patience and the resources we need to nourish our bodies and spirit. Positivity leads us to the light while negativity is the darkness.

We need to remain positive in our expectations believing that good things are coming our way. Each day is the possibility of new adventures. We have to continue to believe that wonderful things are going to happen. Sometimes our wins require patience, but we need to believe that eventually, they will happen.

Negativity is the enemy that tries to creep in and steal your potential for growth. It robs you of your motivation and your drive. Positivity drives you forward toward your goals.

Here are a few things to help you stay planted in positivity.

Practice gratitude. List all the things you are grateful for in your life.

Surround yourself with positive people because positivity is contagious.

Shift your perspective and change something negative and make it a positive.

Focus on your successes.

You might not see the results you want immediately, but if you stay planted in positivity you will receive what you need.

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You Might Be a Runner If

  • You have at least two drawers dedicated to race t-shirts, but you are incensed if the race organizers do not have your shirt on race day.
  • Finisher medals are the most prominent decoration in your house.
  • You have a pair of running shoes for every type of terrain and weather.
  • You need a second job to pay for all of your race fees.
  • Your books are about caring for injuries and missing toenails.
  • Your idea of a fun time is a race through mud and barbed wire.
  • You can’t remember a time when you weren’t sore somewhere.
  • While others are sleeping late on the weekend you are up early heading out to a race.
  • You have a whole box of finisher medals, and you can’t bear to part with them.
  • You are missing toenails.
  • You are excited about your birthday because it means you are moving into a new age group.
  • Your best stories are about running.
  • All of your first-aid products are related to running.
  • Weather will not deter you from a run.
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A 12-Step Program for People Pleasers

When I think of addiction I define it as something you continue to do even though you know it is harmful for yourself and others. It is difficult to change, but that change could bring enormous benefits to your life. Being a people pleaser fits that definition too.

I hate conflict and drama and spend sleepless nights when someone is angry at me. It doesn’t make a difference if I am completely certain that I did not cause the issue. I wouldn’t say I like feeling that tension and knowing someone thinks I have caused an issue. Although I know this will always be something I will struggle with just as an addict feels the pull of addiction, I also know there are some steps I can take to be less of a people pleaser. Here is my 12-step program.

1. Let others own their issues. The only person you can truly change is yourself. Instead of reacting to a situation or issue, access the reality. So often some aspects are someone else’s responsibility, and you do them more harm than good by taking their burdens on as your own.

2. Don’t enable others. We don’t have to solve everything for the people around us. Doing everything for others will make them reliant on you instead of allowing them to see what they need to do to solve a problem. When you do too much to please others you can lose yourself. A relationship has to be an honest give and take.

3. Be authentic. We don’t have to fit into anyone’s box of perfection. It is exhausting to try to be something you are not and imperfections are more interesting anyway, so be yourself even if you think that is pretty messy.

4. Know when to walk away. I hate to give up on someone, but there are seasons in our relationships, and if that relationship is toxic it is probably time to walk away. Believe me, I know how hard this is for a people pleaser, but you will eventually know you did the right thing.

5. Deal with problems instead of avoiding them. I had a friend who used to say if you ignored a problem long enough it would go away. I think the opposite is true. If you don’t face the conflict it becomes bigger and overwhelms you.

6. Know your worth. People pleasers do not toot their horns very well, but it is important to know that you have value, and you should ask for what you deserve.

7. Set boundaries. This is another very hard action for people-pleasers, but you will be so much happier if you let others know what your guidelines are for how you expect to be treated.

8. Don’t try to be everything to everyone. This is similar to numbers 1 and 2. If you cannot take on a situation or project it is better to let someone know that you would not be able to give it your full attention.

9. Take care of yourself. You can be more productive and help others if you care for yourself first. As a people pleaser, I need time every day to be by myself and recharge.

10. Encourage yourself. Be your best friend and use only positive self-talk.

11. Surround yourself with supportive people. Being around positive, supportive people can make all the difference.

12. Learn to say no. I heard someone say recently that no was a complete sentence. That means you don’t have to follow it up with reasons, and you don’t have to feel guilty.

Good luck with your 12-step program, I hope you can do your best to do what’s best for your happiness.

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Do Runners Trash Talk?

Runners are generally the best people we will meet, so they wouldn’t trash talk, would they? First, we have to admit that there are several forms of trash talk and in my opinion runners use all three. Here are the three types I have heard and how runners use them.

Teasing trash talk

This is the kind of banter I hear the most among runners. It could be a group of runners teasing each other with comments like, “I hope you are ready to eat my dust. I’ll wait for you at the finish or try not to be last.”

My best friend Raleigh and I engage in this type of trash talk all the time. Since Raleigh is not in my age group or of my gender I don’t care if he beats me in a race, but for some reason, he hates it when I beat him. I use those feelings to motivate him. If I have the chance to pass him I will say, “C’mon old man! Am I going to be waiting at the finish line again?” He always speeds up after that. The best moment was during a half-marathon when I swear I stopped every other mile to use the bathroom. Somehow, I managed to catch Raleigh at mile 11. He was struggling with his head down. I ran up next to him, smiled broadly, and said, “Hey, buddy! Were you waiting for me?” The look of shock on his face was so funny that I started laughing and he was able to take off and put some distance between us.

Trash-talking that motivates us to do better and makes us laugh is a good form of teasing.

Mean-spirited trash talk

I believe runners are usually extraordinary people, so I have only experienced negative trash talk twice. I was coaching cross-country and loving every minute. I decided to design a pair of racing spikes on the Nike site. They are beautiful red and yellow lightweight shoes with cross-country written in white letters. The first time I wore them I was running a local race when a woman pulled up next to me and said, “Well, at least you have cool shoes.” I know I am overly sensitive, but I think she was implying that she thought my running was not as cool as my shoes. I was so surprised at a runner being nasty that I said nothing.

The second time was last weekend during a 10k. It was the first 10k I had done in a while, so I decided to run slowly and enjoy the run. Around a mile and a half and the third hill, I walked a few steps. A woman ran up next to me and said, “You shouldn’t have been trying to keep up with me.” I find when it comes to running actions speak louder than words, so I left her in the dust.

Bathroom trash talk

There is an odd type of trash talk that occurs in the line for the bathroom, and it happens with both men and women. This is what it sounds like, “Did you do the Desert 250 last weekend? I had my personal best. I’m only doing this marathon as training for my ultra. I’m doing a marathon every weekend. I have done three Iron Man triathlons.” I think this type of trash talk is to make you feel like you shouldn’t even try to compete. Start at the back and just hope you finish because how could you ever compare to these runners? The truth is that there is usually more to their stories and it isn’t as glorious as they make it out to be.

I hope at your next race you listen to the runners around you and see if you hear any forms of trash talk, and although it can be motivational I hope none of it is mean-spirited.