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How Much Do You Know About Your Partner?

I was watching a reel the other day where a woman asked her fiancé questions about herself. She asked, “What’s my favorite food?” He didn’t know. She then asked, “Where is my favorite place to go?” He didn’t know. I was also surprised when my husband of 43 years asked me what color my eyes were as he was filling out a form. I started to ask myself how much we knew about each other, and how fun it would be to sit down with a friend, partner, or family member to ask a series of identity questions, not to make anyone feel bad about not knowing an answer, but to start some conversations to learn more about each other. Here are a few questions to see how much you know about each other.

· When is my birthday? How do I like to celebrate it? What is my favorite kind of cake?

· What color are my eyes?

· What is my actual hair color?

· What is my middle name?

· Have I ever had a nickname? What was it?

· What is my favorite food?

· What is my favorite movie?

· What is my favorite restaurant?

· Where is my favorite place to go?

· What is my favorite color?

· What would my dream job be?

· What are my religious beliefs?

· What is my favorite possession?

· Where did we first meet?

· What political party do I belong to?

· What are the 3 things I love to do?

· What is something that drives me crazy? (in general, not about you)

· How do I recover from a bad day?

· What is on my bucket list to do?

· Would I rather text or call?

· Do I like animals?

· Name two of my favorite pets from the past.

· Am I an extrovert or introvert?

· Do I value physical activity?

· What is my favorite holiday?

· What is your favorite memory of us?

· What is the best compliment I have ever received?

· What has been my biggest challenge in life?

· What is my favorite way to spend time with you?

· What is my biggest fear?

· What are my top 3 values?

· What is something I have always wanted to learn?

Have fun asking each other the questions, and then ask questions about the answers, and add a few questions of your own.

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5 Things I should have learned sooner

There are certain things in life that you have to learn the hard way through experiences, but it often takes me more than one messy interaction before I learn the lessons. There are several important life lessons I wish I had learned sooner.

Give grace and expect it as well.

We all have moments when life overwhelms us, and we don’t handle things as well as we wish we could. In those moments, we need to give each other grace and try to understand what the other person is going through. I had a sign in my classroom that said everyone is carrying a burden of some type, be kind.

Have you ever had that happen when the person you think has the picture-perfect life tells you about something awful she is dealing with? What if you judge someone harshly only to find out there is a legitimate reason for the way he is acting? Give grace first, and ask questions later.

You also have the right to expect grace for yourself in certain circumstances. If you are the sounding board for a friend who always seems to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, you are also allowed to have a bad day. If grace doesn’t go both ways, it’s time for a conversation.

Kindness is a superpower.

I have seen kindness do some incredible things. Do you know that all you need to do is smile at someone to let her know she is valued? Have you ever had a day when everyone has been unpleasant, but a stranger smiles at you? That is a simple act of kindness. Complimenting someone, helping with a task, or paying for a coffee are all ways to show someone he is not alone, and people care. Once you do something nice for someone it’s addictive and you want to do more and more.

Hold on to the good people and let go of the toxic.

I am a people pleaser, and although I’m improving when it comes to being nice when being disrespected or tolerating other toxic behavior, I have held on to some toxic relationships way too long. I finally realized how much more important quality is to quantity when it comes to friendships. If you have trouble distinguishing between toxic and non-toxic here are some signs of a toxic person.

· Gossips about you.

· Treats you as the villain and he is the victim

· Ignores you.

· Judges you.

· Is disrespectful/says hurtful things

· He is self-absorbed

A good person is excited for your success instead of jealous, she enjoys being with you, and she is your cheerleader. The give and take in the relationship is balanced.

The prettier grass on the other side of the fence is fake.

I laughed when a friend called Facebook Fakebook, but there are people on social media who want you to think they live a perfect life, but behind all that perfect is a whole lot of mess. Before you start to feel jealous about what a person has, be grateful for what you don’t have that they are hiding from you. Don’t ever compare yourself with someone else because they might wish they could be as good as you at something. Be grateful for your good, and work on your messy pile, and be transparent about it. Some will judge you but think about how many people you could help when they realize they are not alone.

There are quite a few other things I have learned the hard way, but I will save that for another article.

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Running Rythm vs. Pacing

Runners are always talking about pace and how important it is in both training and racing, but finding the right rhythm has always helped my running more and is often more difficult for me to achieve than finding the correct pace. The best way for me to describe it is a good running rhythm is when your body is running in total harmony, and a good pace is when you are running at a certain speed. Let’s look at the difference.

Both pace and rhythm are important elements that you have to experiment with, and while both require both mental and physical strength, I have always thought pace was about training my body to be able to run a certain speed and practice what I want to achieve enough so that the pace becomes muscle memory. A varied pace depending on terrain has always been what worked for me, instead of sticking to a steady consistent pace that might work for someone else. I like to let the terrain help my pace. Because I am slowing a bit with age, I need about a mile to warm up, so a sprinting out-of-the-gate pace no longer works for me, although my brain tries to tell me it will work. The minute the race starts I have to repeat “Slow and Steady.” For the first mile, and then I can pick up the pace. In trail races, I will stay behind a slower runner for a few minutes so that I am not tempted to try to open it up.

I love hearing runner’s pace plans because for many it is about what pace I need to run to finish in a certain time. If you have a goal time you can work on training your body to be able to run at that pace until it becomes second nature for your body to run at that speed.

I have always enjoyed finding someone who I call my rabbit who is running a pace I would like to go, and I do my best to stick with that person.

Although I understand how important pace is rhythm has always been more important for me. When I have found a rhythm running feels effortless. It doesn’t feel as if I am expending as much energy because my whole body is moving in sync. Everything is aligned and moving rhythmically. When you find your rhythm during a run it is a phenomenal feeling. When you are running with someone else, and you are both running in rhythm it is even better.

One of the best runs I ever had was a race on a local bike trail. It was straight and flat the entire way, and around mile 3 my friend and I found our rhythm and we felt like we were flying. We started encouraging people we were passing, and even years later we talked about how amazing the race was.

I talked a little about training yourself to run a certain pace, but how do you run in rhythm? Everyone is different, but what works for me is to relax, enjoy the moment, practice regular breathing, and be intentional about establishing a cadence and a relaxed posture.

I read an article that suggested music can help you find your rhythm in the run. I have a friend who always runs with music because she says she feels out of sync without it. Find something upbeat and motivating to help you find a comfortable flow.

I read another article that suggested you would have more success running in rhythm if both sides of your body were equally strong. This resonated with me because I know my left side is weaker than my right. Her words motivated me to work harder with my exercises to strengthen both sides. She also suggested doing balance exercises. I was told to do those in physical training when I tore my meniscus. You can do simple balance exercises like balancing on one leg, or you can buy a balance board and practice on that.

I hope this has made you consider working on more than your pace because when you can run with your body in harmony it is more enjoyable, and better for you in every aspect.

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How Your Energy Changes Everything

I am fascinated by the energy that emanates from people, and I always wonder if they are aware of the energy they are creating, how it affects others, and what it can do for them.

I can give you an example of what I mean by describing a few interactions I had today. We went to our local Waffle House where we usually have breakfast on Sunday. We know most of the waitresses and one of our favorites came over to wait on us. She was excited to see us, and during our meal, she spent a lot of time talking with us. Her energy was positive, and it lifted our spirits.

We then went to Walmart to pick up some things. When we checked out it was obvious the person helping us was not happy to be there. Who knows what she was dealing with, but I don’t think her negative energy was making anything better. As we left, a man was entering who was full of joy. He had a pep in his step, and he looked so happy. I could feel his energy affecting me.

Positive energy can come in different forms. It can be encouragement, inspiration, attitude, positive thoughts, or words, manifesting, and prayer. Remember that you might not be able to always control what happens to you, but you have the choice about how to react. When students would walk into my classroom in a bad mood, I would tell them it was up to them to turn things around by changing their energy.

Would you like to know how to make it work for you? Here are a few things to try.

· Speak what you want into existence. Voicing your dreams and desires gives them power. Say what you want as if it will happen.

· Make a vision board. Put pictures on a bulletin board that are symbols of what you would like to see in your future. I would love to have a lake house, so I have a picture of one on my board.

· Have a positive energy journal. Every week, write down goals for the week. At the end of the week, highlight the ones you achieved in green, and mark what you have not achieved yet in yellow.

· Make energy a game. Whenever you find yourself being negative, turn it around to be positive.

· Actively find the positive and be grateful.

· Show an interest in others. Infect them with positivity.

· Put up positive notes. Post positive thoughts around your house or send notes to others.

Good luck using positive energy. I hope you will see how it can change your

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When Addiction Morphs

Everything has energy and that energy is powerful. I have seen positive energy do amazing things through positive thoughts and prayers, but energy can also be negative like the energy of addiction.

Addiction traps the addict to the point where nothing is more important than what the addict is focused on needing.

Addiction spreads its tentacles beyond the addict to all the people affected by the addiction, and loved ones cannot understand why the addict would choose something harmful and toxic over them.

Addiction slips in slowly starting as a glass of wine with dinner that changes to two, then more frequent drinking until it becomes a habit then a need. You don’t see it happening until suddenly you notice some strange behavior from your loved one. Addiction’s energy is insidious.

What makes all of this even worse is that one addiction can morph into another. Just when you think an addict has beaten one addiction you might notice another one develop.

Realize that all addictions are harmful. Let’s say your husband was addicted to alcohol, but he was able to break the habit, but years later you realize he is addicted to food. He might not be driving drunk putting his life and others in danger, but obesity can wreak havoc with someone’s health and that can affect the whole family.

Realize also that an addict will rationalize his behavior and often will think he can handle it. If he is a food addict he might order a salad, but then eat from everyone else’s plate ending up with more calories than if he had a more substantial meal.

So if a loved one is caught up in the negative energy of addiction, how can you help him break the chain? Here are a few ideas.

· An addict has to realize he has a problem first, so try talking to him. Have some evidence of why you think he has an addiction. Let him know you would like to help.

· Don’t suffer alone. Reach out to friends and family and let them know what is happening.

· Consider finding help from a professional through therapy, your physician, or both, but the addict might fight this.

· Pray for healing.

Loving an addict is not an easy road, but you might be the lifeline to that person. Unfortunately, you also have to take care of yourself, so if the situation becomes dangerous to you, you may need to walk away.

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Book sales

Are you feeling a little off today, maybe a little down? Do you need some words to pick you up and remind you to take care of yourself? That is why I wrote 101 Tips to Lighten your Burden. I hope you will grab a copy to raise your spirits.

Are you struggling with something deeper like a health issue? The Healing Power of Running talks about people who have found a positive way to combat the curveballs of life. It isn’t only about running. The inspiring stories of others might encourage you to stand up to adversity and crush it.

If you know someone with a new baby, What I Hope for You is a children’s book that would make a great gift for parents or grandparents.

All three books are available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=jennifer+bonn&crid=25QYGTH4GZ6X1&sprefix=%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_recent_4_0_recent

They are also available online at most online retailers. I hope you grab a copy, and if you are in the Atlanta area, I would love to sign it for you.

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Are You Ready?

I was running a race in a state park when I passed two girls coming towards me. They must have seen my race bib because one of them said to her friend, “We should sign up for a race.” The friend replied in a panicked voice, “I’m not ready!”

I hear “I’m not ready.” In other forms too. Friends will tell me, “I want to run a 5k with you, but then when I suggest a date that friend is always busy. Another form of “I’m not ready.” comes in excuses. I hear things like, “I don’t exercise because my joints hurt, or I’m too busy.”

All of the forms of “I’m not ready.” Makes me sad because I know what a difference any form of movement can make in your life. Although running is the exercise that has been healing to me, you can choose any form of movement you want to reap the benefits. “I’m not ready.” translates to “I’m scared, or “I don’t want to step out of my comfort zone.” However, moving consistently instead of being sedentary can change your life. Here are a few things an exercise program can do for you.

Improve your physical health

When you move more you will notice your joints don’t ache as much as they did when you sat a lot, you may lose weight because you are burning more calories, and your body will be more toned. You can improve your immune system with better health, and exercise will help you to alleviate stress which will also help you sleep better.

Improve your mental health

I know when I run my mood is better. I can find some peace from problems. When you are doing something good for yourself it makes you feel better about yourself. When you work out you gain more confidence.

Boost your social life

If you start signing up for fitness events like races, or you go to the gym you will begin to meet more people. Your circle of friends will continue to grow, and hopefully, those friends will help to keep you active.

I know many people might not be completely ready to do something new, but it only takes doing it once for it not to be new anymore. The first time I went to an ultra-marathon, (Anything over 26.2 miles) I didn’t know anyone, and I was pretty sure that I had no business being there. The people at the race all looked like seasoned runners who probably ran 100 miles on an off week. They were talking about races they had done that all had scary names like Blood Rock, Snakebite Canyon, and Death Toll Run. I was sure any minute they would discover there was an imposter among them.

As the day wore on, I felt completely welcomed by some very nice people who were at very different fitness levels, and there was no judgment about that. I met one man whose name was Cornbread, so I told my husband I needed an ultra-running name. (I’m still working on that.) The ultra distance is now my favorite distance, but if I had not stepped out of my comfort zone I would never have experienced them. Sometimes you have to just leap.

So, what if you are ready? What do you do? First, find out what form of exercise would you enjoy, and what would you do consistently. Start slowly with whatever you want to do, and checking with your doctor is always a good idea. Find a recreational center or a gym and see what are your options. If you want to walk or run a race you can go to www.runusa.com or www.active.com, or if you want to join me, go to www.ultrasignup.com. You can walk an entire ultra if you want.

Are you ready? I hope so because it could be life-changing.

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Bluey’s Life Lessons

I babysit my grandson two days a week, and he loves to watch a show called Bluey. At first glance, Bluey is a cartoon about a dog family, but in reality, it is much more.

Each episode has an important message not only for children but also for adults. The messages are related to the emotions that correspond with the messages, and there is also a healthy dose of humor.

I knew this was a special show when I found myself quoting the messages to people, and my 21-year-old daughter taped the series. Last night, the news was even more gruesome than usual, so we turned it off and turned on Bluey.

Not only are there great messages, but it is also relatable for parents as they chronicle the struggles of parents trying to care for their children. Parents can see issues that they have also dealt with, and they can realize they are not the only ones dealing with these situations. Having said that, you also should know that very few parents are as good as Bluey’s parents. We can only do our best to be somewhat like them.

Here are a few of the messages or episodes I love the most.

· If you don’t want someone to touch your things, know when to put them away. Bluey’s friend complains about a friend who breaks her toys, and Bluey says, “When my cousins come to play, I put the good toys away.” My grandson broke a bracelet of mine and I found myself quoting Bluey and saying I should have put it away.

· Parent’s rules are for your good. The episode called Tina is when Bluey and Bingo are tired of being told what to do, so they enlist the help of their invisible friend Tina. The parents win the day by showing what happens to Tina when she doesn’t practice self-care.

· Enjoy the moments. This is my personal favorite. Except for the beginning, the only sound is the rain. It is so peaceful. Bluey is trying to dam up the rain in the driveway. He runs in and out of the house, tracking in mud, while his mom tries to stop him, but then she decides to join him and enjoy the beautiful moment with him.

· Your failures and weaknesses can be teachable moments for your children. There is an episode called Fairytale, Bluey’s dad tells a story about growing up in the 80s when he was mean to his brother. In another episode called Omelet, Bingo’s mom allows Bingo to continually fail at making an omelet instead of taking over and doing it for her. She eventually succeeds and has a great sense of accomplishment.

· Distraction is a great parental tool. I think every parent can hear their child when Bingo complains about being tired of walking on the way to the park. “How much longer?” The parents keep finding ways to take her mind off of walking.

· Onesies has multiple messages including accepting that you can’t have everything you want, the importance of family, infertility, and the power of imagination. Bluey’s mom’s sister comes to visit after four years away. She brings the girls animal onesies. Bluey wants Bingo’s costume, but it doesn’t fit, and Bingo becomes the tiger of his onesie and starts attacking everyone. You need to watch this one because a lot is going on.

· Winning by cheating isn’t winning. Bluey’s mom designs an obstacle course, but the competitive spirit causes some issues.

· Believing in yourself. Bluey’s friend’s dad has lost power for his GPS, and he doesn’t remember how to get to his son’s school. He stops for directions, and he is given two choices, the safe but extremely long way, or the rugged, off-road, short way. The dad is also told he doesn’t look like the type who could handle the tougher road, so the dad decides to prove he can do it.

· Sometimes you just need 20 minutes. This episode is called Sheepdog, and the dad attempts to entertain the children while the mom rests. When Bingo asks why she needs time alone, the mom says, “Sometimes, I just need 20 minutes.” We find out later that sometimes the children need the same thing.

I hope you have a chance to watch some of these. We have enjoyed them as a family.

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Mentoring 101

Everyone needs a mentor at some point in their life. A mentor is someone who has the knowledge that you need to improve and succeed.

A mentor could be someone who helps you with an interest or hobby like my friend Trey who is my Ultra-marathon mentor. During my years running ultra-marathons, I have made every mistake possible, but I have learned more each time. Finally, I decided to stop learning the hard way, and I asked Trey to help me by giving me his wisdom about how to run an ultra. He shared his knowledge with me as I took four pages of notes. Not only did Trey help me by sharing his time and experience, but he also gave me more confidence about running Ultras. Before I spoke with him I admit that at each ultra race, I was asking myself what would go wrong this time.

All institutions need mentors for new employees entering the company. Each company has a unique environment with sets of rules and expectations. Mentors can guide new employees to feel comfortable enough to ask the right questions to learn how to be successful.

Here are a few things a mentor at an institution or company can do to acclimate a new employee.

Talk about the environment/expectations

What makes your company different? What are the expectations? Who do you talk to for what? Give your new person the information he needs to function well.

Discuss the importance of attitude

Talk about the power of positivity, and how negativity can cause unwanted division.

Tell them to find the marigolds

Find the people who will lift you and help you succeed.

Be available

Check in on your person regularly. Gift him with acts of kindness like bringing in a Starbucks or inviting him to lunch. Help him feel that he belongs.

Understand the egos

Not everyone will want your help. Some people will see having a mentor as an insult. These are the people who need you the most, but you may have to wait until they figure that out.

This is a quick basic list, but always ask questions of the people who can teach you more, and be ready for those who might need your help.

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Do People Really Know You?

I went to a memorial service today and listened to the family describe their deceased loved one. I started to wonder what would people say about me. Would it be accurate? Would they leave out important details and describe me through their eyes? Do they know me fully? What would you want people to know and remember about you?

I started to make a list to describe what was important to me out of fear that my family and friends might not truly know me, because there are certain things I haven’t shared, or they have not asked about. At first, I thought this was a selfish thing to do, but if we leave nothing else behind we should leave memories of our identities, and making our list is a way to reflect and also leave something concrete behind.

Here is a list of things that matter to me, or that define me.

· Staying positive. I do my best to stay positive because I believe in the power of positive energy. My best friend tells me that it annoys him that I can always show that power.

· Rainy days. While many people see gloom on a rainy day, I see beauty and peace. My favorite runs are during summer with a light mist falling. I love to fall asleep during a rainstorm.

· Faith. I am a believer and I know the power of prayer. I believe in Father Anthony’s prayer since he helps me find things all the time. I have a strong patron saint in St. Thèrese who shows up in my life all the time.

· Love. Love is the answer in so many cases. Each day, I start out by praying that I can lift people up and not tear them down.

· Self-esteem. I have horrible self-esteem. I beat myself up over everything, and I’m super sensitive.

· Running. Running is a passion an escape and my peace of mind. It soothes and calms me.

· Food. Food is love. A good meal can lift your spirits and re-energize you. What is your favorite meal? Right now, mine is crispy wonton tacos at Appleby

· I don’t like board games. I love spending time with family and friends, but I have never enjoyed playing board games.

· Quality over quantity in friends. I do not have many close friends mostly because I don’t want to settle for less than. I want a real friend.

· I do not quit easily. I hate giving up on someone or something and I have stayed in several toxic friendships that I should have walked away from long ago.

· Paris is my second home. I am in love with France, French, and the French lifestyle. The Latin Quarter is my favorite.

· I love animals. I have been blessed to have had some amazing animals. They provide unconditional love.

· Gardening brings me peace. I’m not a master gardener, but you can find me out there singing and talking to the plants. The growing process fascinates me.

· I love my family. Like many families, mine is far from perfect, but I love them with all my heart. Time with them is always time well spent.

· Coffee is often what gets me up. The thought of a warm cup of coffee sounds amazing in the morning.

· Writing is something I have to do. I smile when I am writing or running. Ideas pop into my head at odd times, and they continue to ruminate until I put them into written form.

· I love flowers. I like to have flowers, especially roses around me.

· Reading makes me happy. I enjoy getting lost in a story.

· Swinging in the hammock is heaven. I have been discovered more than once napping in the hammock.

That is a short list to describe me. What would your list look like?