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11 Tools for Living a Great Life

There are certain things you can use in life that will make your path smoother, and your life more enjoyable, and they don’t cost a thing. Here is a short list.

Positivity

There is so much power in positivity, and you have nothing to lose by trying it. You can use positivity to your advantage in several ways. If you are discouraged or life has thrown you a challenge find a way to see a positive side to the situation. It can change everything. Manifest positive energy into your life by saying or writing what you want to happen and believing it will.

Resiliency

Life can be tough and when something bad happens you have a choice of having a pity party or taking action. Don’t be defeated. Decide what you need to do to overcome any hardship and solve a situation.

The right community

Stop making excuses for toxic people in your life. Walk away from situations involving them, and surround yourself with good people who enjoy being with you and see you for the amazing person you are. Look for quality not quantity in friendships.

A connection to nature

Nature is full of energy and being out in it can recharge you. The beauty and noises will lift your mood and help you be ready to be productive again.

Spirituality

Spirituality can be anything that is a higher power. I see nature as spiritual. It could be your relationship with your God.

Kindness

I have always believed that the energy you send out comes back to you. I want kindness to come flowing back, so I treat people the way I want to be treated. There are so many people struggling with one thing or another. Be intentional about looking for ways to help others. You might cause a domino effect.

Openness

Keep your mind open to new ideas, be open to new possibilities, and be ready for new people to enter your life. You never know when your next adventure is ready to begin.

Transparency

Maintaining a mask by acting like someone you are not is exhausting. Be yourself and know that some people will like you and others will judge you. As long as you feel good about who you are then the rest doesn’t matter. When you reveal your weaknesses it’s like dropping a weight, and it helps others struggling with the same thing.

Confidence

Believe in yourself. Confidence is the first step in turning the impossible into possible.

Movement

Take care of yourself and move. Your body was not meant to be sedentary, so find your favorite way to move and do it consistently.

A passion to learn and explore

Always be ready to learn something new. Travel if you can because it is a great way to learn about our world.

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Ten Ideas to Help Your Writing

As writers, we are always learning, and always trying to improve what we do, and there are times when a piece of advice or encouragement is what we need at that moment. I am putting together advice that has helped me, and I hope other writers will find it helpful as well.

1. Eliminate repetition. Especially if you are writing a novel or a longer piece it is easy to repeat yourself. Read through your work carefully and take out anything you have already said.

2. Set some lofty goals. Goals can be scary sometimes because what if you can’t achieve them? The answer to that is you either keep trying or you adjust your goals, either way, you at least have something to aim to achieve. What do you want to achieve? How much will you make each month? How often will you write an article? Are you going to write a book? There are so many possibilities.

3. Don’t overuse the same words. I will admit I am a hypocrite to give this advice because I catch myself doing this all the time. What are the common words that you overuse? Mine are that, sometimes, really, and just. I have to go over my work several times to make sure one hasn’t slipped in somewhere.

4. Don’t force your creativity. I have never believed in the advice to write every day. I have days where I have ten ideas for articles and other days when I don’t feel like writing and even if I did I cannot think of anything my readers would want to read.

5. Believe you are a writer. I have allowed self-doubt to cripple me before, and I stopped writing completely several times. If It is something you enjoy doing don’t listen to the haters or naysayers.

6. Don’t be too fast to publish. It never hurts to read something over one more time or check the grammar. I have hit publish too soon many times and then remembered something I wanted to add.

7. Use advice that works for you. Being told “Stick to your niche.”, “write what you know.”, and “Show, don’t tell.” These are pieces of advice you do not need to follow. I have been sending out my manuscript for a novel and an editor told me I needed to show not tell. I was ready to scrap the whole thing until I read from another source that not all writers should follow that advice.

8. Read it again. Have you ever proofed something several times until you are sure it’s perfect and then you discover a few more errors? I just released a book that I put through Grammarly, it was proofed by an editor and a publisher, and when the publisher asked me to check one last time I still found a few mistakes.

9. Think twice about whether you can live with what you wrote. Make sure you are okay with the reactions of anyone you have talked about in your writing. Writing is a form of expression, but it also is forever.

10. Jot down ideas for later. Am I the only one who thinks of amazing articles at the most inopportune time? My best ideas come when I am running down a deserted road miles from my house, or when I am sitting waiting for an appointment. Carry a small notebook, or record ideas on the note feature on your phone, or record an idea with your phone. I have a small whiteboard on a podium in my office that I use to write ideas before I forget them.

Good luck everyone. I hope this advice helps you, and I wish you joy and success with your writing.

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Querying a Magazine

When you have an article you want to see published and have decided you would like to see it in a magazine, you need to write a query. Here are a few steps to follow.

· Use some of the many resources available to writers to find the best fit for your article. Here are a few books I use. Writer’s Market 100th Edition, Writer’s and Artist’s Handbook, and The Christian Writer’s Market Guide. You can also go to your local bookstore and peruse the magazines there. When you think you have found a good one, go through a copy, and make sure it is a good fit.

· Find the magazine’s submission guidelines on the magazine’s website and follow them.

· You must write a query to convince the editor to publish your story. Start with an intro that will catch the editor’s attention.

· Keep the query to around a page and be to the point about what you have written.

· Explain why your article will fit into the mission of the magazine. How will it benefit readers?

· Include a short bio with previously published work or reasons why you are an expert on what you are writing.

· Edit it several times before you send it.

· Take the time to find the editor’s name instead of starting with “Dear Editor”.

· When you receive a response even if your article is not accepted thank the editor.

· Many magazines list themes for authors.

Don’t be frustrated by rejections. It only takes one yes to become a published writer.

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My Running Book is Published!

Hi Everyone! I wanted to let you know my running book, The Healing Power of Running has been released and is now available on these sites.

Amazon       https://a.co/d/bap950M

Barnes and Noble                         https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-healing-power-of-running-jennifer-bonn/1144705764?ean=9781615997978

Abe Books        https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?isbn=1615997970&clickid=3KZXfnW4HxyNRMqyo9UV3yhPUkHzH-SdM0AYVg0&cm_mmc=aff-_-ir-_-64613-_-77416&ref=imprad64613&afn_sr=impact&ref_=aff_ir_64613_77416

Walmart    https://www.walmart.com/search?q=jennifer+bonn

This book is so important to me because running has kept me healthy both physically and mentally. It has been an escape when life became too overwhelming. All I have to do is head out the door and I can feel the stress falling off behind me. It has taught me that I am resilient and that I can stand back up stronger when life knocks me down.

One of the things I love about going to races is the stories of the people around me. So many people are struggling with issues beyond comprehension, and instead of having a pity party, they are moving forward proving that they are stronger than any challenges. My book is full of these stories.

I want people to see inspiration and hope in these stories, and I also want them to know that they can improve themselves with any type of movement. They don’t have to become runners to reap the benefits of fitness.

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When Your Child Doesn’t Speak

Let me start by saying parenting is not easy, especially with the first child. As a parent, you constantly worry whether you are doing the right thing or are scarring your little one for life. (Don’t worry, you probably are not.) To make things worse everyone has an opinion about what you should be doing, and they do not hesitate to share that opinion. While you are carrying around guilt and uncertainty imagine when you realize that your child has not met one of the developmental stages. What do you do if he is not talking?

My grandson will be three in June, and the only word he says is blue which I think he picked up from watching the show Bluey every day. He understands everything we say, and we know what he wants most of the time even though he communicates with grunts and a question sound. Toddlers often feel overwhelmed and frustrated during this stage, but it is even worse when you cannot fully communicate. When my grandson cannot express himself he begins to yell.

Your first reaction might be to say there is something wrong, and if there is we will work together as a family to support him through whatever is happening, but the doctor feels that he is only taking his sweet time talking. She said all his needs are met, you know for the most part what he wants, so right now he doesn’t see a need to speak.

There is so much judgment when a child doesn’t seem perfect. My daughter and I were at a woman’s luncheon and a young woman had mentioned she had a son. I asked her how old he was, and I watched her body language change as if she was ashamed. She said, “He’s 19 months old, but he’s not speaking yet.” I let her finish and waited for my daughter to tell her she was not alone in this struggle. Jess told her what they had done, and what the doctor had said. You could tell that the young lady felt better after talking with Jess. When you are transparent in your struggles you find out you are not alone, and someone else might have valuable information that can help you.

Remember that all the milestones for children aren’t set in stone. I had a friend whose son did not walk until he was three. My friend said that he wanted to make sure that he was doing it right. Another friend told me her son did not speak until he was almost four, and now she cannot get him to be quiet. Obviously, anytime you are worried about something check with your doctor but realize there are plenty of possible reasons for what is happening.

My grandson has been going to speech therapy, and the therapist is teaching him sign language. I am excited to be learning it with him since I have always wanted to learn.

I hope if you have a family member going through something like this you will love on the child, tell the parents they are doing a great job, and support everyone involved because parenting can pull out every emotion, and parents could use a hug.

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Taming a Toddler’s Tantrums

The toddler years are called the terrible twos for a reason. My daughter expanded this part of development through her fourth year. Toddlers are trying to figure everything out and their brains have not reached the point where they can weigh rational thought, so hunger, pain, fatigue, frustration, and the emotions produced by those things produce some horrific tantrums.

Tantrums are not personal, and your child is not trying to wreck your world, but he is dealing with an inability to express himself, and a tantrum is usually because he is feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to deal with it.

So what causes tantrums? Each child is different, so keep a journal that details what was happening when your child had one. Here are a few common causes.

· The child doesn’t want to do something.

· The child wants something.

· The child is overstimulated. We call it sensory overload.

· If a child is hungry or tired.

· If a child is frustrated or seeking attention.

What can you do when a tantrum begins? Here are a few ideas for things to do and to avoid doing.

· Don’t meet a tantrum with a tantrum. Your child wants to know you are in control, and when he sees you lose control, that feeling of safety slips.

· Don’t try to reason with the child. Think about when you are upset and frustrated. You don’t respond well when someone tells you to calm down.

· Don’t bribe the child to stop or give in to a demand. This sends a bad message that will make things worse later.

· Take a breath and reset before reacting.

· Validate the child’s feelings because those feelings are real to him.

· Be clear that feelings are okay, but there are limits to behavior. Be clear and consistent about behavior.

· Offer choices on how to calm down.

· Distract them.

· If you think it’s for attention, try ignoring them. (Make sure they are safe though)

· If you are in public, leave. I had a full cart of groceries when my daughter dropped to the floor and started pounding her fists and kicking her feet. Everyone was looking at me as if Family Services should be called immediately. I scooped her up, left the cart behind, and headed home. It’s easier to respond calmly when you don’t have an audience.

· Be patient and praise them when the behavior is good. My grandson had just done something we did not want him to do. I told him not to do it, and when he stopped I thanked him. My daughter looked at me and said, “You are so much calmer with him than I am.” Lol, and it only took me three children and one grandchild to be able to do that!

I want you to consider something. What if you look at tantrums as a way to connect with your child? He is feeling out of control, but he sees you being calm, allowing him to feel the emotions, understanding why he is having them, and being a loving presence ready for a hug. What a great opportunity to strengthen the bond.

Here are a few things to do to stop a tantrum before it begins.

· Make sure they are fed and rested.

· Teach them coping skills to help them calm down. Do this when they are calm, not in the middle of a tantrum. These could include listening to music, playing with a pet, looking at books, playing games, or playing outside.

· Maintain a routine.

Give yourself grace if you have had a meltdown once or twice. If it happens, apologize to the toddler. You are showing him that adults make mistakes too. Managing tantrums is not easy, but they will pass, so keep soaking up your time with the little ones.

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The Typical Chaotic Blessings of Babysitting My Grandson

My oldest daughter has always said that when she had a baby she wanted me to retire from teaching to help her raise her child. I felt so honored that she would want me to help her, and three years ago when she was pregnant I agreed to retire. I did tell her that we needed some boundaries because as much as I wanted to be able to be a part of my grandson’s life, I also had some things I wanted to do in retirement, so I would watch Parker two days a week as well as some other times when she and her husband wanted some time to get away.

First, let me say I am incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be with Parker, and let me also say that it’s helpful that I have a sense of humor because, between Parker and our Border Collie, a typical day is crazy chaos. Here is what a typical Parker day looks like.

· I wake up at 6 and head out for an early run before Parker comes. I run in my neighborhood, and on Parker mornings I only have an hour before I have to let the dog out and jump in the shower. Unfortunately, it’s those mornings when the neighbors all stop me on their way out to work to tell me things or ask if I have heard any good neighborhood gossip. I actually love talking with all of them, but it definitely shortens my run. I also am not a fan of running in the dark because we have creatures in our neighborhood. We have a bird that sounds like the pre-historic bird in Johnny Quest. (if you have never seen Johnny Quest you should check it out.) Yesterday, there was something in the bushes at the top of the street that was definitely in distress. I was praying it would not reveal itself. So, the start of my day is an attempt to run wrapped up in a hope for survival. Midway through my run my youngest comes out on the porch and wants me to approve her choice of work apparel which is usually from my closet.

· At 8, I release the Border Collie. Before we (okay I am the guilty one) brought Bandit into our home I knew nothing about Border Collies. Oh my lord, how can I describe this breed? The Tasmanian Devil because of the manic energy mixed with something unbelievably sweet and much smarter than I will ever be. He is amazing, but he is also a lot. He runs out on the porch, looks around stealthily deciding on what he should chase today because he will be chasing something, and then he is off at blazing speed. After he plays with each of his toys and three sticks we head inside where he howls near his bowl until I feed him.

· Parker comes at 8:45, so I shower and eat breakfast as quickly as possible. I’m not sure why but the Parker mornings when I cannot stray from his side (I have strayed and very bad things happened.) are the mornings when I feel like I have a huge list of things I need to do, but I know I need to enjoy my time with him, and the rest can wait.

· At 8:45, chaos arrives, and Bandit loses his mind because his buddy has arrived. Parker and Bandit were born a week apart, they have the same personality, and I hope they are friends for life. Parker first checks on all his trucks and cars and makes sure all his possible runways for the cars are clear. He then begins his many loops around the house with his ridiculously loud toy lawnmower. I tell everyone that you have to “Shoe up” when he is running with that because he is not stopping for your feet.

· During his day, he will consume at least one popsicle, throw all the dog’s tennis balls through the cat door to the basement, leave tiny cars everywhere, and in the five minutes when I have to go to the bathroom, he will put pennies in the DVD player, and decide to strum the guitar. The cat is oddly absent during his entire visit.

· He loves to play at my desk, and between being a writer and a teacher there are plenty of interesting things for him to discover. When he leaves I try to put everything back.

· Parker decided to be an escape artist last week. I have a routine where I put him down for a nap then I take out the dog and cut some lettuce for lunch. As I was in the garden, my husband stepped out and said, “Jen, Parker isn’t with you? I heard him running.” Parker had climbed out of the crib, walked down the stairs, pushed open the baby gate, opened the front door, walked down the stairs, and found us outside.

The Parker days are a little crazy especially when we go outside because it’s mostly me chasing him and praying he doesn’t face plant on the asphalt. There are actually a lot of prayers while I am watching him. I will say that I enjoy watching the Disney show Bluey, and I know how blessed I am to be a part of the crazy life of a toddler.

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Life Advice for My Children

If you had to pick a few pieces of advice to give to your children what would it be important to tell them? Here is a short list I would like my children to know.

  • Be positive. Being positive gives you power. No matter what happens to you, you have a choice about how to react, and when you react positively it affects both you and the people around you. It lifts people’s moods and affects how they interact with others.

When your mood is good you are more productive and creative.

Sending out positive energy can make good things happen. You have nothing to lose by stating that something good will happen even if it seems impossible. State what you want to happen. If you are about to go into a crowded restaurant say, “We will be seated right away.” Crazy things have happened since my family, and I started doing this.

  • Surround yourself with the right people. The right people are people you enjoy and who enjoy being around you. They are happy for your success and have your back when you need it. They make you laugh and save you when you feel lost. Walk away from anyone who feels toxic.
  • Push your limits. Be happy about who you are and what you have achieved but keep pushing farther. Learn more, move consistently, make connections, and explore new adventures.
  • Be kind. You can be a change-maker with kindness. There is so much hurt and need around us, and simple acts of kindness can help people and they are so easy to do. They also usually cause a domino effect, so your act of kindness can trigger others to do something too.
  • Keep Moving. Living a sedentary lifestyle will catch up to you eventually. Find an exercise you enjoy and do it at least three times a week.
  • Educate yourself financially. By the time you reach retirement, you want to have several sources of income to draw from during retirement. Those sources might be retirement funds, social security, savings, or investments. Consider finding a financial planner to help you.

What would you add to the list for your children?

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Don’t Marry a Fixer-Upper

If you think your partner is a mess, but you are sure you can turn him or her around once you are married, you might be disappointed. A significant other should not be a DIY project that you can renovate as you go. Chances are the structure you want will depend on the foundation you start with.

If your relationship is full of red flags from the beginning and you make excuses to your family and friends about your partner’s actions and personality you may be building a future on shaky ground.

What you are hoping for in a spouse and the reality before you should be separated before you are married.

Make sure to ask all the hard questions. Where does your partner stand on key issues? Does he or she have the same values, and hopes for the future? Do you both want children? How are the finances going to be handled? Trust me that you do not want to be surprised later.

Open your eyes to how your partner operates day to day. Reflect on what you want and need in a spouse. What are the deal breakers? Do you see any potential character flaws that could lead to those deal-breakers?

No one is perfect, and a few flaws can be endearing, but you want to spend your life with someone who will make you happy, guard your back, and cheer you on with your endeavors. To do that, your partner needs to see beyond me to us because that is how the strongest unions are formed.

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The Movie Overcomers/A Movie that highlights running

A friend recommended the movie Overcomers to me because she knows how much I love to run. She told me it was more than a story about a runner. It was a story about running and what it can do. I was amazed at how right she was. Without giving away any important plot points let me tell you how it defines running.

Forgiveness

Running brings out the good in people. It heals people in different ways, and sometimes that healing comes through reflection. In the movie, several people have some people they need to forgive and running leads them there.

Learning about yourself

Several of the characters in the movie have some personal exploration and self-discovery to do, and they take that journey through running. I have learned so much about myself during my years as a runner, and I have heard many other stories of self-discovery.

Finding a purpose

We can all feel a little lost if we don’t have a purpose in our life. It can be even worse if the purpose we thought defined us is taken away. Several characters have to redefine their identity and their purpose.

We need personal connections

We need each other. Our connections are key in our lives. In the movie, a few of the connections have hit a rough patch, and need to be healed.

Push through barriers and limits

One of the things I love about running is the chance to push your body to the limit and try to keep going. You learn so much about your mental abilities while you try to improve your physical strength. Two of the characters have to keep pushing their limits.

Another thing I love about running is the inspiration I see all around me. It is a no-excuse sport. I see people with medical issues who refuse to let that issue hold them back. They push through what people label as impossible to prove the possibilities. There is a lot of inspiration in this movie.

Follow a plan

Runners know that the best way to crush a challenge is to follow a plan. You can train your body to do almost anything. Plan it out and execute it.

Spirituality

I define spirituality as a connection to a higher power. Running is spiritual for me. I feel a connection to the world around me when I run. I can feel the energy from nature filling me as the miles fly by me. Spirituality plays a role in this movie.

I hope you have a chance to watch Overcomers. I loved it. It has several serious themes, but it is funny as well. One of my favorite parts is when each member of the family decides to go out and run the three-mile cross-country loop because they are certain it will be a piece of cake, and each one finishes exhausted. They each say, “Why would anyone do that?” By the end of the movie, all of the characters see the importance of running.